The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                           THE PUFFY SHIRT



                             Written by

                            Larry David




 
               
               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Jerry and George are waiting for Kramer, so he can help them 
               move George's stuff back into his parent's house)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I can't believe this!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it won't be for that long.

               
                             GEORGE
               How can I do this?! How can I move back 
               in with those people? Please, tell me! 
               They're insane! You know that.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, my parents are just as crazy as 
               your parents.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               How can you compare you parents to my 
               parents?!
 
               
                             JERRY
               My father has never thrown anything 
               out. Ever!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               My father wears his sneakers in the 
               pool! Sneakers!
 
               
                             JERRY
               My mother has never set foot in a natural 
               body of water.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Showing Jerry up) Listen carefully. 
               My mother has never laughed. Ever. Not 
               a giggle, not a chuckle, not a tee-hee.. 
               never went 'Ha!'
 
               
                             JERRY
               A smirk?

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe!.. And I'm moving back in there!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I told you I'd lend you the money for 
               the rent.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No, no, no, no. Borrowing money from 
               a friend is like having sex. It just 
               completely changes the relationship.
 
               
               
               (Kramer stumbles in)

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright. I'm ready. (To George) You 
               know, I still don't understand - why 
               do you want to move back in with your 
               parents?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't want to! I'm outta money! I 
               got 714 dollars left in the bank.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, move in here.

               
                             JERRY
               (Stopping the notion) What's that?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Why doesn't he just move in here?

               
                             GEORGE
               (Sarcastic) Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna move 
               in with him. He doesn't even let you 
               use the toilet!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               You can move in with me, if you want.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Sincerely) Thank you.. I, uh.. that 
               might not work out.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (The Costanza's house)

               
               (Jerry, George, and Kramer enter carrying George's luggage. Kramer 
               clumsily bangs the wall with one of the suitcases)
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               Careful! Careful with the suitcases! 
               We just painted!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hello, Mrs. Costanza.

               
                             ESTELLE
               Hello, Kramer. Close the door.

               
               (They set down George's luggage)

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I gotta bring in more stuff. (Heads 
               for the door)
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               More stuff?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. (Exits)

               
                             ESTELLE
               (To George) How much is there?!

               
                             GEORGE
               (Annoyed) There's more.

               
                             ESTELLE
               So, how are ya, Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               Fine, Mrs. Costanza. (Attempts to get 
               Estelle to laugh) Hey, I got a terrific 
               joke for you..
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               (Sits down on the couch) Nah, not interested.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, no. It's really funny. There's these 
               two guys-
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               (Interrupting) Tell it to the audience. 
               (George gives Jerry an 'I told you so' 
               look) Here, (Picks up a plate full of 
               sandwiches) I made some bologna
 
               
               sandwiches.

               
                             GEORGE
               Bologna?! No one eats bologna anymore!
 
               
               
                             ESTELLE
               What are you talking about?! Have a 
               sandwich.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No thanks.

               
               (Kramer enters with some more suitcases)

               
                             ESTELLE
               Oh, stop it! You don't want one, Kramer?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Uhh.. no thanks. (Goes back out the 
               door)
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               I think you're all a little touched 
               in the head. (Puts the plate down) You're 
               so worried about your health.. You're 
               young men.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I really don't eat it.

               
                             ESTELLE
               What am I gonna do with all these sandwiches?! 
               Will you take them home? Give them to 
               someone in your building?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know if I'd feel comfortable 
               handing out bologna sandwiches in the 
               building..
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Enters with a box) Alright, that's 
               it. Anything else?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Muttering) No, that's it.

               
               (A horn honks from outside the house)

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I gotta go move the car. (Leaves)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I guess we'll be going.. (Heads 
               for the door)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Runs over to him, not wanting him to 
               leave) What? You're going?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               Wha - what are you doing later?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, Elaine and I are going out to dinner 
               with Kramer and his new girlfriend.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Really?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, You can't believe this woman. 
               She's one of those low-talkers. You 
               can't hear a word she's saying! You're 
               always going 'excuse me?', 'what was
 
               
               
               that?'

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.. may - maybe I'll meet ya?

               
                             ESTELLE
               No, George. We're going out to eat tonight 
               with your father.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Mutters) Oh.. okay.. talk to you later.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, take it easy. (Leaves)

               
               (George watches his mother sitting contentedly on the couch. 
               She's staring off into space)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, my God.. (Buries his face into his 
               hands)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (A Restaurant)

               
               (Jerry, Elaine, Kramer, and Leslie are all laughing)

               
                             ELAINE
               Okay, well, he had this idea of a pizza 
               place where you make your own pie! (Laughs)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Right.

               
                             ELIANE
               You remember that?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, well, that was a good one.

               
                             JERRY
               Well..

               
               (Kramer's girlfriend starts to mumble out some words, but Kramer's 
               the only one who seems to hear her. Jerry and Elaine both bend 
               forward, trying to hear what
 
               
               she's saying)

               
                             ELAINE
               What's that?

               
                             JERRY
               Excuse me?

               
               (She 'talks' some more. Jerry and Elaine still can't hear her. 
               They give up - leaning back in their seats)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.. yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yep. Yeah..

               
                             KRAMER
               You know that, uh, Leslie (Points to 
               her) is in the clothing business? She's 
               a designer.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Interested) Oh?

               
                             KRAMER
               In fact, she's come up with a new one 
               that is going to be the big new look 
               in mens fashions.. It's a, a puffy shirt. 
               (Leslie mumbles to Kramer) Well, yeah,
 
               
               
               it - it's all puffy. Like the pirates used to wear.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, a puffy shirt.

               
                             JERRY
               Puffy.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, see, I think people want to look 
               like pirates. You know, it's the right 
               time for it.. to be all puffy, and devil-may-care..
 
               
               
               (Leslie starts 'talking', Kramer laughs. Jerry and Elaine have 
               no clue what she's saying. They lean closer)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Still laughing) That's true.. (Gets 
               up) I'll be right back. (Walks off laughing. 
               Jerry and Elaine are left with the low-talker. 
               A moment passes)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, oh! (Remembers something they could 
               talk about) Jerry's going to be on the 
               "Today" show on Friday.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, that's right!

               
                             ELAINE
               Yep.. yep. Um, he's promoting a benefit 
               for Goodwill, you know, they, uh, they 
               clothe the poor, and the homeless..
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Points at Elaine) And the indigent.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               And the indigent, yeah.. I, I do volunteer 
               work for them. I set the whole thing 
               up, and I got Jerry to do it.
 
               
               (Leslie starts talking. Of course, Jerry and Elaine can't hear 
               her voice)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Sure.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ohh, yeah. Yeah.. yep.

               
               (Leslie talks some more)

               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yep.

               
                             JERRY
               Yep..

               
                             ELAINE
               Mmm

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (A Restaurant)

               
                             ESTELLE
               Maybe you should take a civil service 
               test.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Studying the salt shaker) I'm not taking 
               a civil service test.
 
               
                             FRANK
               Look at this, George. (Takes a coin 
               out of his pocket) You ever seen a silver 
               dollar?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, I've seen a silver dollar.

               
                             ELAINE
               Why don't you want to take a civil service 
               test?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               To do what?! Work in a post office? 
               Is that what you want me to do?
 
               
                             FRANK
               Would you believe when I was 18, I had 
               a silver dollar collection?
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               I don't understand. You get job security 
               - you get a pay check every week..
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm a college graduate. You want me 
               to be a mailman?
 
               
                             FRANK
               (Still looking at his coin) You know, 
               I couldn't bring myself to spend one 
               of these. I got some kind of a-a-a-a-a 
               phobia.
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               So what are you gonna do?!

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. I do know that I have 
               some kind of a talent - something to 
               offer. I just don't know what it is 
               yet!
 
               
                             FRANK
               I bet that collection would be worth 
               a lot of money today.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Looks fed up with his parents) Oh my 
               God..
 
               
                             FRANK
               I don't like this waiter. (Holds up 
               his hand to get the waiters attention 
               - starts snapping) Look at him.. He 
               sees us.. he doesn't want to come over.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Needing to get away from his parents, 
               he gets up) I need some air..
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               George, where are you going?!

               
                             GEORGE
               (Walks off) I got a lot of thinking 
               to do.
 
               
               (Scene cuts to the front of the restaurant. George accidentally 
               runs into a woman - causing her to drop her purse. Items spill 
               out onto the floor)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, I'm sorry. I'm terribly sorry.. 
               (Bends down, and starts picking up her 
               things)
 
               
                             WOMAN
               Look at what you've done! You spilled 
               my bag!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Stuttering) I, I, I, .. here, let me 
               - let me help you..
 
               
                             WOMAN
               No, no ,no. It's all right. (Begins 
               helping him pick her things up)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It - it's just that I'm here with my 
               parents, and my mother wants me to take 
               a civil service test - and to tell you 
               the truth, I don't even think I'd pass 
               it.. So..
 
               
               (George hands the last of the items to her, she takes them from 
               him, then starts to admire his hand)
 
               
                             WOMAN
               Hmm..

               
                             GEORGE
               What?

               
                             WOMAN
               (Looking at both his hands intensely) 
               Your hands.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What about them?

               
                             WOMAN
               They're quite exquisite!

               
                             GEORGE
               They are?

               
                             WOMAN
               (Mesmerized) Extraordinary! Have you 
               ever done any hand modeling?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hand modeling? (Shakes his head 'No')
 
               
               
                             WOMAN
               (Fishes a card out of her purse, then 
               hands it to George) Here's my card. 
               Why don't you, uh, give me a call? (Walks 
               off)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (George is holding up his hands for Jerry to see)

               
                             JERRY
               (Shrugs) I - I don't get it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Me neither!

               
                             JERRY
               What is it?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               They're hands!

               
                             GEORGE
               This woman just set me up for a job!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Gets up, and displays his own hands) 
               Well, what about my hands? I don't see 
               how your hands are any better than my 
               hands.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What, are you kidding? (Points at the 
               flaws of Jerry's hands) The knuckles 
               are all out of proportion. you got hair 
               over there - where do you get off
 
               
               
               comparing your hands to my hands?! This is a one-in-a-million 
               hand. (Points to his own hand)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's what comes from avoiding 
               manual labor your whole life.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               This is it! It happened to me, Jerry! 
               I was sitting in the restaurant, the 
               two nut jobs were talking - I couldn't 
               take it any more. I got up, and (Makes 
               a
 
               
               noise) I bop into this woman..

               
               (Enter Kramer)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey. (He's carrying a suit cover. He 
               hangs it on Jerry's coat hooks)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, George! (Holds out his hand. George 
               shakes it - a hand buzzer goes off. 
               George starts freaking out. Kramer laughs)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What are you, crazy?! What are you, 
               crazy?!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What?!

               
                             GEORGE
               You coulda damaged my hand!

               
                             KRAMER
               (Laughing) But, it's only a toy!

               
                             JERRY
               (Explaining) George has become a hand 
               model.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               A hand model?

               
                             JERRY
               Yes.

               
                             KRAMER
               (To George) Really? Let me look at them..
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Defensively) You can look at them, 
               but do NOT touch them. (Holds them out. 
               Kramer studies them)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Let's see.. oh, those are nice. You 
               know, I've never noticed this before? 
               They're smooth.. creamy.. delicate, 
               yet (Turns to Jerry) masculine.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Takes two oven mitts from his back 
               pack) Alright, (puts them on) I gotta 
               get going.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oven mitts?

               
                             GEORGE
               (Embarrassed) That's all I could find. 
               (A moment passes) Would you mind getting 
               the door?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah..

               
                             JERRY
               Alright. (Jerry opens the door for George)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Thank you very much. (Walks out)

               
               (Jerry shuts the door, then starts going through his mail)

               
                             KRAMER
               You're not going to believe what happening 
               with Leslie. You know, ever since you 
               agreed to wear the puffy shirt on the 
               Today show, she's been getting
 
               
               all these orders from boutiques and department stores..

               
                             JERRY
               Uh-huh.. (Finally realizes what Kramer 
               said, he looks up) Since I said what?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Agreed to wear the puffy shirt. (Starts 
               unzipping the suit cover)
 
               
                             JERRY
               What are you talking about?

               
                             KRAMER
               When you said that you'd agree to wear 
               the puffy shirt on the Today show. (Takes 
               the ridiculous puffy shirt out of the 
               cover)
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Goes up to it) This?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yes!

               
                             JERRY
               I agreed to wear this?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               But, when did I do that?

               
                             KRAMER
               When we went to dinner the other night.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What are you, crazy?!

               
                             KRAMER
               What were you talking about when I went 
               to the bathroom?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know! I couldn't understand 
               a word she was saying! I was just nodding!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               There you go.

               
                             JERRY
               Where I go? You mean she was asking 
               me to wear this ridiculous shirt on 
               national TV, and I said 'Yes'?!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yes, yes! You said it!

               
                             JERRY
               But, I - I didn't know what she was 
               talking about. I couldn't hear her!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (Takes it off the hook, and starts walking 
               toward Jerry with it. He backs defensively 
               backs away from it) Well, she asked 
               you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I - I can't wear this puffy shirt on 
               TV! I mean, look at it! It looks ridiculous!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you gotta wear it now! All those 
               stores are stocking it based on the 
               condition that you're gonna wear this 
               on the TV show! The factory in New
 
               
               
               Jersey is already makin' them!

               
                             JERRY
               They're making these?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yes, yes. This pirate trend that she's 
               come up with, Jerry, - this is gonna 
               be the new look for the 90's. You're 
               gonna be the first pirate!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Like a little kid) But, I don't want 
               to be a pirate!
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (The Costanza house)

               
               (George is giving himself a manicure over a tray. He's carefully 
               primping his fingernails)
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               I knew it. I knew it.. I always knew 
               you always had beautiful hands. I used 
               to tell people. Frank, didn't I use 
               to talk about his hands?
 
               
                             FRANK
               (Looking up from his paper) Who the 
               hell did'ya ever mention his hands to?
 
               
               
                             ESTELLE
               (Getting annoyed) I mentioned his hands 
               to plenty of people!
 
               
                             FRANK
               You never mentioned them to me!

               
                             GEORGE
               (Snaps, then points to the coffee table) 
               Hand me an Emory board.
 
               
               (Estelle hands an Emory board to George. He takes it, then goes 
               back to his manicure)
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               I always talk about your hands - how 
               they're so soft and milky white..
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               No! You never said milky white!

               
                             ESTELLE
               (Getting angry) I said milky white!
 
               
               
               (A moment passes as George fights to keep his temper down around 
               his parents)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (To Estelle) Scissor. (She gets the 
               scissors from the coffee table and hands 
               them to George) Don't hand them to me 
               with the point facing out!
 
               
               (Estelle, visibly nervous, reacts, flipping the scissors around)
 
               
               
                             ESTELLE
               I'm sorry.

               
                             GEORGE
               You're sorry?!

               
                             ESTELLE
               (Apologizing) I'll try to be more careful.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Stern, angered) I hope so. (Takes the 
               scissors)
 
               
               (Another moment passes as George primps his hands)

               
                             ESTELLE
               Georgie.. (Nudges George's arm, disrupting 
               his work) Georgie, would you like some 
               Jell-O?
 
               
                             FRANK
               (To Estelle, referring to the Jell-O) 
               Why'd you put the bananas in there?!
 
               
               
                             ESTELLE
               (Yelling) George likes the bananas!
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               (Trying to match her tone) So let him 
               have bananas on the side!
 
               
               (George stands up with the manicure tray. He's obviously had 
               enough)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Alright! Please, please! I cannot have 
               this constant bickering!.. Stress is 
               very damaging to the epidermis! Now, 
               I have an important photo session in 
               the
 
               
               morning - my hands have got to be in tip-top shape, so please 
               - keep the television down, and the conversation to a minimum.
 
               
               
                             ESTELLE
               (Meek) But Georgie.. what about the 
               Jell-O?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Definite) I'll take it in my room. 
               (Walks off)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (A Today Show dressing room)

               
               (Jerry's in a back room, getting dressed while Kramer's thumbing 
               through a magazine. There's a knock at the door)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, come in.

               
               (A Today Show stagehand enters)

               
                             STAGEHAND
               I just wanted to let you know he's got 
               about five minutes.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Giddy-Up. (Stagehand leaves) Jerry! 
               Five minutes!
 
               
               (Jerry walks out from the back room wearing the 'puffy' shirt. 
               He has the expression of extreme resentment)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Now that's a great looking shirt! (Gets 
               up, admiring the shirt) Ayye Captain! 
               (Growls like a pirate) Yeah! I'm glad 
               I ironed it. It's perfect. (Walks around
 
               
               
               Jerry, inspecting the shirt) Look at it! It's fantastic!

               
                             JERRY
               (Resisting) Kramer, how am I gonna wear 
               this?! I can't wear this!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Reassuring) Hey, this look's better 
               than anything you own. You know, in 
               two months time, everybody's gonna be 
               wearing the (imitates a pirate) pirate
 
               
               
               look. Aye!

               
               (A knock at the door, Kramer answers it - it's Elaine)

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi, Kramer. Guess what - I just saw 
               Bryant Gumbel, he said he might help 
               out at the benefit!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Great.

               
               (Elaine stops in her tracks when she sees Jerry in the shirt. 
               Then, bursts out laughing hysterically)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Between laughs) What is that?!

               
                             KRAMER
               It's the puffy shirt. Look at it, eh? 
               Whatd'ya think? Is it cool or what?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (To Jerry) Why're you wearing that now?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (Obviously mad at the situation he's 
               in) 'Why am I wearing is now?'? I'll 
               tell you why I'm wearing it now - because 
               the lowtalker asked me to, that's why!
 
               
               
               And I said 'yes'. Do you know why? Because I couldn't HEAR her!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               When did she, (Snickers) when did she 
               ask you this?
 
               
                             JERRY
               When we were at dinner, when Kramer 
               went to the bathroom.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I didn't hear anything.

               
                             JERRY
               (Yelling out) Of course not! Nobody 
               hears anything when this woman speaks!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Just now making the matter serious) 
               Well, you can't wear that on the show.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (To Elaine, muffled, low, and threatening) 
               Elaine, you want to stop?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Turning around to Kramer) Wha- What? 
               No. (Back to Jerry) Jerry, you are promoting 
               a benefit to CLOTHE homeless people. 
               You can't come out
 
               
               dressed like that! You're all puffed up!.. You look like the 
               Count of Monte Cristo!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Arms out, complaining) I have to wear 
               it! The woman has orders for this shirt 
               based on me wearing it on TV.. they're 
               producing them as we speak!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (Arguing) Yeah, but you're supposed 
               to be a compassionate person! That cares 
               about poor people! You look like you're 
               gonna.. swing in on a
 
               
               chandelier!

               
               (A knock at the door, Jerry answers)

               
                             STAGEHAND
               (Looking down at a clipboard, enters) 
               Okay, let's go. (Looks up, points at 
               Jerry's puffy shirt) Is that what you're 
               wearing?
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (A photographer's studio)

               
               (George is holding out his hands while a man and woman marvel 
               at them. A photographer is fooling around with a camera towards 
               the right wall)
 
               
                             MAN
               I've never seen hands like these before..
 
               
               
                             WOMAN
               They're so soft and milky white.

               
                             PHOTOGRAPHER
               You know who's hands they remind me 
               of? (Pauses for effect) Ray McKigney.
 
               
               
               (The woman nods as the man looks off into space)

               
                             MAN
               Ugh.. Ray.

               
                             PHOTOGRAPHER
               He was it.

               
                             GEORGE
               Who was he?

               
                             PHOTOGRAPHER
               The most exquisite hands you've ever 
               seen.. Oh, he had it all.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Hands still out, even though they've 
               stopped looking at them) What happened 
               to him?
 
               
               (Obviously a touchy subject, the woman coyly walks over to the 
               photographer, and they both occupy themselves. The man is left 
               to tell George the answer to his
 
               
               question)

               
                             MAN
               (Clears throat) Tragic story, I'm afraid. 
               He could've had any woman in the world.. 
               but none could match the beauty of his 
               own hand.. and that became his
 
               
               one true love..

               
               (Long pause)

               
                             GEORGE
               You mean, uh..?

               
                             MAN
               Yes. he was not.. master of his domain.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Makes a gesture saying he understands. 
               The man nods) But how.. uh..?
 
               
                             MAN
               (Quick, to the point) The muscles.. 
               became so strained with.. overuse, that 
               eventually the hand locked into a deformed 
               position, and he was left with nothing
 
               
               
               but a claw. (Holds hand up, displaying a claw-like shape) He 
               traveled the world seeking a cure.. acupuncturists.. herbalists.. 
               swamis.. nothing helped. Towards the
 
               
               end, his hands became so frozen the was unable to manipulate 
               utensils, (Visibly disgusted by this last part) and was dependent 
               on Cub Scouts to feed him. I hadn't
 
               
               seen another pair of hands like Ray McKigney's.. until today. 
               You are his successor. (George looks down at his hands) I.. only 
               hope you have a little more
 
               
               self-control.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Smiling to himself) You don't have 
               to worry about me. (Nodding, gloating) 
               I won a contest.
 
               
               (The man nods, unsure of what to say or do)

               
                             PHOTOGRAPHER
               Ok, let's get to work.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (The Today Show)

               
               (Jerry's in the guest chair, and Bryant Gumbel's in the interviewer's 
               spot. Jerry, visibly, does not want to be there)
 
               
                             BRYANT
               (Talking directly to the camera) Back 
               now, 7:46. On Tuesday the 19th here 
               in New York there will be a benefit 
               for the Goodwill Industries - a used
 
               
               
               clothing organization that provides service to the needy. One 
               of the performers will be comedian Jerry Seinfeld. (Turns to 
               face Jerry) Jerry, good morning.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Mumbling out) Thank you, Bryant.

               
                             BRYANT
               (Pointing out) And speaking of clothing 
               , that is a very, very unusual shirt 
               you have on.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Looking down at the shirt) Oh, thank 
               you.
 
               
               (Backstage, Kramer's standing with his girlfriend. She's brimming 
               with pride)
 
               
                             BRYANT
               You're all kinda, (Waves his hands around) 
               all kinda "puffed up". (Chuckles)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, it's a puffy shirt.

               
               
                            THE END



The Puffy Shirt



Writers :   Larry David
Genres :   Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy