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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                             THE RACE



                             Written by

                Tom Gammill, Max Pross & Larry David




 
               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
               The Christmas tree certainly seems to inspire a love/hate relationship. 
               All that time is spent selecting it and decorating it, and then 
               a week after it's just thrown somewhere, you see it by the side 
               of the road, it looks like a mob hit. A car slows down, a door 
               opens and this tree just rolls out. People snap out of that Christmas 
               spirit like it was a drunken stupor, they just wake up one morning 
               and go, "Oh my god, there's a tree inside the house! Just throw 
               it anywhere!
 
               
               (Lois's office)

               
                             JERRY
               Ready to go Lois?

               
                             LOIS
               You really like to say my name? Don't 
               you?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Excuse me Lois. Stand back Lois. Jimmy's 
               in trouble Lois.
 
               
                             LOIS
               Oh, Mr. Meyers this is my friend, Jerry.
 
               
               
                             DUNCAN
               Jerry Seinfeld!

               
                             JERRY
               Duncan Meyers!

               
                             LOIS
               You two know each other?

               
                             DUNCAN
               Yeah! We uh, went to High School together. 
               Didn't we
 
               
               Jerry? Gee I hope you're not leaving now. We still have a lot 
               of work left to do.
 
               
                             LOIS
               Would you be able to come all the way 
               downtown again in rush
 
               
               hour to pick me up?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'd have to be Superman to do 
               that Lois.
 
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               No, no This is all wrong. Where's the 
               Chicken Cashew?
 
               
                             LEW
               You no order Chicken Cashew.

               
                             ELAINE
               I didn't order any of this. I'm not 
               paying for this.
 
               
                             LEW
               Fine Benes. We are putting you on our 
               list.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What list?

               
                             LEW
               The "do not deliver" list.

               
                             ELAINE
               MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU! Well, I guess 
               we'll just go out.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. What are you doing with the Daily 
               Worker?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ned must have left it here.

               
                             GEORGE
               Your boyfriend reads the Daily Worker? 
               What is he? A
 
               
               communist?

               
                             ELAINE
               HE reads everything, you know, Ned's 
               very well read.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe he's just "very well RED"?

               
                             ELAINE
               Communist? Don't you think he probably 
               would have told
 
               
               me?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, does he wear bland, drab, olive 
               colored clothing?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yes, . . . yes he does dress a little 
               drab.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Huh, he's a communist. . . . Look at 
               this. "Exciting
 
               
               uninhibited woman seeks forward thinking comrade and appearance 
               not important." . . . Appearance Not Important! This is unbelievable. 
               Finally this is an ideology I can embrace.
 
               
               (Jerry enters)

               
                             JERRY
               Hi oh.

               
                             ELAINE
               and GEORGE: Hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               Where's Lois?

               
                             JERRY
               She couldn't make it.

               
               ===========break ========

               
                             GEORGE
               I can't believe you're really going 
               out with a woman named
 
               
               Lois.

               
                             JERRY
               I know, finally. But George, guess who 
               her boss is. Duncan Meyers.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Duncan Meyers?

               
                             ELAINE
               Who's he?

               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, only one other person in the 
               world knows what I am about to tell 
               you and that's George. When we were 
               in the ninth grade they had us all line 
               up at one end of the school yard for 
               this big race to see who was going to 
               represent the school in this track meet.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh uh

               
                             JERRY
               I was the last one on the end. George 
               was next to me. And Mr. Bevilacqua, 
               the gym . . .
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What's that?

               
                             JERRY
               Mr. Bevilacqua, the gym teacher.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, of course.

               
                             JERRY
               He was down at the other end. So he 
               yells out, "Ready, On your mark, Get 
               set, " and I was so keyed up I just 
               took off. By the time he said go I was 
               ten yards ahead of everybody.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No.

               
                             GEORGE
               I looked up. I couldn't believe it.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               By the time the race was over I had 
               won. I was shocked nobody had noticed 
               the head start.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Really?

               
                             JERRY
               And I had won by so much a myth began 
               to grow about my
 
               
               speed. Only Duncan suspected something was a miss. He's hated 
               me
 
               
               ever since. Now he's back.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well what happened when you raced him 
               again?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I never did. In four years of high school 
               I would never race anyone again. Not 
               even to the end of the block to catch 
               a bus. And so the legend grew. Everyone 
               wanted me to race. They begged me. The 
               track coach called my parents. Pleading. 
               Telling them it was a sin to waste my 
               god given talent. But I answered him 
               in the same way I answered everyone. 
               I chose not to run.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               So now Duncan is back?

               
                             JERRY
               He's back. And I knew he would be someday. 
               (drinks) Man
 
               
               that's some tart cider!

               
               (In Jerry's Car - Lois gets in)

               
                             LOIS
               Hi.

               
                             JERRY
               Hi.

               
                             LOIS
               Sorry I missed the Chinese food.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, so am I . Uh, how's Duncan?

               
                             LOIS
               He's okay.

               
                             JERRY
               He say anything?

               
                             LOIS
               About what?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, nothing in particular.

               
                             LOIS
               . . . Why did you cheat in that race?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I did not cheat.

               
                             LOIS
               He said that you got a head start.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, he's just jealous because he came 
               in second.
 
               
                             LOIS
               Really?

               
                             JERRY
               Yes

               
                             LOIS
               So you WERE the fastest kid in school.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Faster than a speeding bullet Lois.
 
               
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               So how was work? Another day, another 
               dollar?
 
               
                             NED
               I guess.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh well nothing wrong with that. Gotta 
               make those big bucks. . . . money money 
               money money money money money . . . 
               ha ha ha ha ah . . . are you a communist?
 
               
               
                             NED
               Yes, as a matter of fact I am.

               
                             ELAINE
               OH, AH! OH! WOW! WHOA! A COMMIE! Wow, 
               gee, man it must be a bummer for you 
               guys what with the fall of the soviet 
               empire and everything .
 
               
                             NED
               Yeah, well, we still got China, and 
               Cuba,
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, but come on . . .

               
                             NED
               I know it's not the same.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, you had a good run, what was it 
               75, 80 years? Wreaking havoc, making 
               everybody nervous.
 
               
                             NED
               Yeah, we had a good run.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, so enjoy yourself. (clink glasses) 
               ha ha uh ha
 
               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
                             GEORGE
               So you lied to her?

               
                             JERRY
               I couldn't tell her the truth. I don't 
               know what's going to happen between 
               us. What if we have a bad breakup. She'll 
               go straight to Duncan. And I want him 
               to go to his grave never being certain 
               I got that
 
               
               head start.

               
               (Elaine enters)

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I'm dating a communist.

               
                             JERRY
               Wow, a communist. That's something.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, that's pretty cool isn't it?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, did I tell you I called one of 
               those girls from the personal ads in 
               The Daily Worker?
 
               
                             JERRY
               The Daily Worker has personal ads?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               And they say appearance is not important.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yours or hers?

               
               (Kramer enters dressed as Santa)

               
                             KRAMER
               Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas everyone. 
               Merry Christmas.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Wow, look at you. So you got the job.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, you're looking at the new Santa 
               at Coleman's Department store.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, congratulations

               
               (Mickey enters)

               
                             MICKEY
               Come on get your bead on. We're going 
               to be late.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               On Prancer on Dasher, on Donna.

               
                             MICKEY
               Not Donna, it's Donner.

               
                             KRAMER
               Donna!

               
                             MICKEY
               Yeah, right!. On Prancer, on Dancer, 
               on Donna, on Ethyl, on Harriet.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hello, Oh hi Lois, you want to get together, 
               what for? I don't know about that, I'll 
               have to think about it. I'll let you 
               know. Okay, bye.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What's up?

               
                             JERRY
               Duncan wants to get together with her 
               and me for lunch tomorrow. He obviously 
               wants me to admit I got a head start. 
               And I don't think she believes me.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               He wants to meet you? I'll tell you 
               what. I'll show up. He doesn't know 
               we're friends. I'll pretend I haven't 
               seen you since High School. I'll back 
               up the story.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's not bad.

               
                             GEORGE
               Not bad? It's gorgeous!

               
               (Coleman's Department Store)

               
                             KRAMER
               Ho ho ho Well come on little Princess, 
               tell Santa what you want. Don't be shy.
 
               
               
                             MOMICKEY
               She doesn't speak English (with a Swedish 
               accent).
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Santa speaks the language of all children. 
               A notchie watchie dotchie do.
 
               
               (Child cries and reaches for her mom)

               
                             KRAMER
               A dotchie cotchie dochie,

               
                             KRAMER
               Het, Mickey when do we get a break? 
               My lap is killing me.
 
               
                             MICKEY
               There is no break.

               
                             KRAMER
               A sweat shop.

               
               (Elaine and commie enter)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey, hey.

               
               (Kid sits on Kramer's lap and they both slide to the floor)
 
               
               
               (Yankee Stadium)

               
                             ADA
               Natalie on line 2.

               
                             GEORGE
               Natalie?

               
                             ADA
               From the Daily Worker.

               
                             GEORGE
               Thank you.

               
               (ADA leaves but listens at the door)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello, it's Natalie? Yeah, this is a 
               business office but I'm not a business 
               man per se. I'm here working for the 
               people. Yes, I'm causing dissent. Stirring 
               the pot. Getting people to question 
               the whole rotten system.
 
               
               (Coleman's Department Store)

               
                             ILENE
               Elaine.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ilene.

               
                             ILENE
               Hi.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hello.

               
                             ILENE
               Doing a little Christmas shopping?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah. Oh, this is Ned. He's a 
               communist.
 
               
                             ILENE
               Oh, really?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yep . . . a big communist, a big big 
               communist.
 
               
                             ILENE
               Oh, well, it's awfully nice to see you. 
               See you later.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Bye bye

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, listen while we're here why don't 
               we do a little shirt shopping?
 
               
                             NED
               Out of the question.

               
                             ELAINE
               Um. Kramer!

               
                             KRAMER
               Hi

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi, oh hi Mickey, this is Ned

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey, hi buddy.

               
                             ELAINE
               You guys stay here, I'll be right back.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Eight hours of jingle belling and ho 
               ho hoing. Boy, I am ho'd out.
 
               
                             NED
               Anyone who works here is a sap.

               
               (Mickey attacks Ned)

               
                             MICKEY
               Watch it!

               
                             KRAMER
               Woah, woah, come on.

               
                             NED
               You understand the Santa's at Bloomfields 
               are making double what you are?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Double?

               
                             NED
               I bet the beard itches doesn't it?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You got that straight.

               
                             NED
               So when you get a rash all over your 
               face in January do you think Coleman's 
               will be there with a
 
               
               medical plan?

               
                             MICKEY
               Look, you take that commie crap out 
               into the street.
 
               
                             NED
               Kramer, I've got some literature in 
               my car that will change your whole way 
               of thinking.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Talk to me baby.

               
                             MICKEY
               Don't listen to him Kramer, you've got 
               a good job here.
 
               
               (Monks)

               
                             DUNCAN
               But there's no way you could have beaten 
               me by that much. I already beaten you 
               in Junior High School three times.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I didn't hit puberty til the 9th grade. 
               That's what gave me my speed. Besides, 
               if I got a head start why didn't Mr. 
               Bevilacqua stop the race?
 
               
               (George enters)

               
                             DUNCAN
               That's what I've always wondered about.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I . . . (sees George)

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, my God, No, oh my God, . . . Jerry!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm sorry, uh,

               
                             GEORGE
               George, George Costanza!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, George Costanza , Kennedy High.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes yes yes This is unbelievable.

               
                             DUNCAN
               Hi, George

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, don't 
               tell me, don't tell me. It starts with 
               a . . . Duncan Meyers. Oh, wow, this 
               is something. I haven't seen you guys 
               in what, twenty years?
 
               
                             JERRY
               This is Lois.

               
                             LOIS
               Hello.

               
                             GEORGE
               So what have you been doing with yourself?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I'm I'm a comedian.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah ha, well, I really wouldn't know 
               about that. I don't watch much TV. I 
               like to read. So what do you do, a lot 
               of that "did you ever notice?" this 
               kind of stuff.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, yeah

               
                             GEORGE
               It strikes me a lot of guys are doing 
               that kind of humor now.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, yeah, Well, you really got bald 
               there, didn't you?
 
               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               You really used to have a think full 
               head of hair.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah. Well, I guess I started 
               losing it when I was about twenty-eight 
               right around the time I made my first 
               million. You know what they say. The 
               first million is the hardest one.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               yeah, yeah.

               
                             LOIS
               What do you do?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm an architect.

               
                             LOIS
               Have you designed any buildings in New 
               York?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Have you seen the new addition to the 
               Guggenheim?
 
               
                             LOIS
               You did that?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yep. And it didn't take very long either.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well you've really built yourself up 
               into something.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, well, I had a dream, Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, one cannot help( but wonder what 
               brings you into a crummy little coffee 
               shop like this.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I like to stay in touch with the 
               people.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, you know you have a hole in your 
               sneaker there. What is that canvas?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You know my driver's waiting, I really 
               should get running. Good to see you 
               guys again.
 
               
                             JERRY
               George, George, hang on. I haven't seen 
               you in so long.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Ha, uh,

               
                             JERRY
               I thought we might reminisce a little 
               more. You know Duncan and I were just 
               taking about the big race.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, the big race.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, yes,.

               
                             LOIS
               You were there?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, sure, surely was. Yeah, I'll remember 
               that day. Well I'll never forget it 
               because that was the day that I uh, 
               lost my virginity to Miss. Stafford, 
               the uh, voluptuous home room teacher.
 
               
               
                             DUNCAN
               Miss Stafford?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, yes, you know I was in detention 
               and she came up behind me while I was 
               erasing the blackboard . . .
 
               
                             JERRY
               George!

               
                             GEORGE
               But I digress. Let me see, now. You 
               were standing at one end of the line 
               and I was right next to you. And I remember 
               we were even for like, the first five 
               yards and then , BOOM,...You were gone.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Did I get a head start?

               
                             GEORGE
               Head start, oh no absolutely not.

               
                             JERRY
               You satisfied? So you see?

               
                             DUNCAN
               No, I'm still not convinced and I never 
               will be.
 
               
                             LOIS
               Why don't the two of you just race again?
 
               
               
                             DUNCAN
               That's a good idea.

               
                             JERRY
               No, no, no, another race - out of the 
               question.
 
               
                             DUNCAN
               I know, you've been saying that for 
               twenty years because you know you can't 
               beat me. You couldn't beat me then and 
               you can't beat me now.
 
               
                             LOIS
               Race him Jerry. Race him.

               
                             JERRY
               All right! I'll do it. The race is on.
 
               
               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               . . . shut up! (?)

               
                             JERRY
               And he's calling all these people from 
               High School to come and watch. I knew 
               this day would come. I can't do it. 
               I can't go through with it. I'm calling 
               it off. I can't let the legend die. 
               It's like a kid finding out there's 
               no Santa Claus
 
               
               (Street)

               
                             KRAMER
               Each according to his ability, to each 
               according to his needs.
 
               
                             MICKEY
               What does that mean?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, if you've got needs and abilities 
               that's a pretty good combination.
 
               
               
                             MICKEY
               So what if I want to open up a delicatessen?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               There are no delicatessens under Communism.
 
               
               
                             MICKEY
               Why not?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, because the meats are divided 
               into a class system. You got Pastrami 
               and Corned Beef in one class and Salami 
               and Bologna in another. That's not right.
 
               
               
                             MICKEY
               So you can't get Corned Beef?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you know, if you're in the Politburo, 
               maybe.
 
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (on phone) . It's George Costanza. . 
               are there any messages for me? Why does 
               Mr. Steinbrenner want to see me in his 
               office? . . . Communist? I'm not a Communist 
               . . . . All right, all right. All right, 
               I'll be there. - ( hangs up ) My secretary 
               Ada, told Mr Steinbrenner I'm a Communist 
               Now he wants to see me
 
               
               in his office.

               
                             JERRY
               So you'll just explain to him you're 
               not a Communist.
 
               
               You just called the woman for a date.

               
               (Phone rings)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello, oh hi Duncan, 4:00 o'clock tomorrow? 
               That is not
 
               
               going to work. . . . Why? I'll tell you why. Because I chose 
               not to run!
 
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
                             NED
               I'm sorry Elaine. The shirt's too fancy.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Just because you're a communist, does 
               that mean you can't wear anything nice? 
               You look like Trotsky. It's gorgeous. 
               Fine, you want to be a Communist, be 
               a Communist. Can't you at least look 
               like a successful Communist?
 
               
                             NED
               All right, I'll try it on.

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm going to order Chinese Food.

               
                             NED
               You're ordering from Hop Sing's, right?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Ugh, does it have to be Hop Sing's. 
               I kind of had a fight with him.
 
               
                             NED
               Elaine, when my father was black listed 
               he couldn't work for years. He and his 
               friends used to sit at Hop Sing's every 
               day figuring out how to survive.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You're father was blacklisted?

               
                             NED
               Yes he was, and you know why? Because 
               he was betrayed by people he trusted. 
               They "named names".
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Okay, okay. (phones) Um, yeah, hi, I'd 
               like delivery please to 16 West 75th 
               St. apartment 2G.
 
               
                             LEW
               I know that address. You're Benes, right. 
               You're on our list. No more delivery.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No. no, she doesn't live here anymore. 
               This is someone else.
 
               
                             LEW
               Oh, yeah. What's the name?

               
                             ELAINE
               Why do you need the name? You already 
               have the address.
 
               
                             LEW
               We need a name. Give us a name.

               
                             ELAINE
               Okay, okay, Ned Isakoff.

               
               (Coleman's Department Store)

               
                             KID
               I want a racing car set.

               
                             KRAMER
               Ho ho ho ho A racing car set! Those 
               are assembled in Tai Wan by kids like 
               you. And these Coleman pigs, they sell 
               it at triple the cost.
 
               
                             KID
               But I want a racing car set.

               
                             KRAMER
               You see kid, you're being bamboozaled. 
               These capatalist fat cats are inflating 
               the profit margin and reducing your 
               total number of toys.
 
               
                             KID
               Hey, this guy's a COMMIE!

               
                             MICKEY
               Hey, kid, quiet. Were did a nice little 
               boy like you learn such a bad word like 
               that? Huh?
 
               
                             KID
               Commie, Commie, Commie . . . (unknown) 
               .
 
               
                             MICKEY
               Santa is not a Commie. He just forgot 
               how his good friend stuck his neck out 
               for him to get him a good job like this. 
               Didn't he Santa!
 
               
                             STORE MANAGER
               Is there a problem here?

               
                             KRAMER
               ho ho ho ho.

               
                             KID
               This guy's a Commie. He's spreading 
               propoganda.
 
               
                             STORE MANAGER
               Oh yeah? Well that's enough pinko! You're 
               through. The both of ya'
 
               
                             MICKEY
               I got two kids in college.

               
                             KRAMER
               You can't fire me, I'm Santa Claus.
 
               
               
                             STORE MANAGER
               Not anymore. Get your skinny ass out 
               of here.
 
               
               (Jerry's Car)

               
                             JERRY
               Hi how are you?

               
                             LOIS
               . . . Fine.

               
                             JERRY
               What's the matter?

               
                             LOIS
               I just spoke to Duncan. He said if you 
               don't race, he's going to fire me.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What? He can't do that.

               
                             LOIS
               Yes he can. He controls the means of 
               production. What are you going to do 
               Jerry?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Don't worry Lois. I'll think of something.
 
               
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
               
               
                             LEW
               Ah, I knew it was you! You tried to 
               trick Hop Sing! You are onour list; 
               Elaine Benes! And now you are on our 
               list; Ned Isakoff.
 
               
                             NED
               You got me blacklisted from Hop Sing's?
 
               
               
                             LEW
               She named name!

               
               
               
               (Steinbrenner's Office)

               
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You, uh, wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
 
               
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Yes George, I did. Come in, come in. 
               George, the wordaround the office is 
               that you're a Communist.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               C-Communist? I am a Yankee, sir, first 
               and foremost.
 
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               You know George, it struck me today 
               me that a Communistpipeline into the 
               vast reservoir of Cuban baseball talent 
               could be thegreatest thing ever to happen 
               to this organization.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Sir?

               
                             STEINBRENNER
               You could be invaluable to this franchise. 
               George,
 
               
               there's a southpaw down there nobody's been able to get a look 
               at;
 
               
               something Rodriguez, I don't really know his name. You get yourselfdown 
               to Havana right away.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, sir. Yes sir, do my best.

               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Good, Merry Christmas George. And bring 
               me back some of those cigars in the 
               cedar boxes, you know the ones with 
               the fancy rings? I love those fancy 
               rings. They kind of distract you while 
               you're smoking. The red and yellow are 
               nice. It looks good against the brown 
               of the cigar. The Maduro, I like the 
               Maduro wrapper. The darker the better, 
               that's what I say. Of course, the Claro's 
               good too. That's more of a pale brown, 
               almost like a milky coffee. (George 
               exits) I find the ring size very confusing. 
               They have it in centimeters which I 
               don't really understand that well...
 
               
               
               (On the Street)

               
                             MICKEY
               That was quick! Nice job, Santa!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah,

               
                             MICKEY
               I knew that Commie stuff was going to 
               get us in trouble.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, well I didn't realize that was 
               such a sensitive issue.
 
               
                             MICKEY
               Communism, You didn't realize Communism 
               was a sensitive issue? What do you think 
               has been going on in the world for the 
               past 60 years? Wake up and smell the 
               coffee.
 
               
               K I guess I screwed up!

               
                             MICKEY
               You sure did. Big time.

               
               (Street - race begins)

               
                             ELAINE
               How do you feel?

               
                             JERRY
               I need a miracle.

               
                             DUNCAN
               Now you're going to see what kind of 
               liar you're mixed up with.
 
               
                             LOIS
               If he beats you I want a big raise.
 
               
               
                             DUNCAN
               If he beats me, I'll not only give you 
               a raise, I'll send you to Hawaii for 
               two weeks.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I parked in front of that restaurant 
               . As soon as this race is over I got 
               to go to the airport.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Okay, all right, all right.

               
                             MR. BEVILACQUA
               You ready boys?

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, Mr. Beviacqua

               
                             MR. BEVILACQUA
               Okay, this is hoiw it works. You take 
               your marks, I say, READY - ON YOUR MARK 
               - GET SET - and then fire. You got it?
 
               
               
                             DUNCAN
               and JERRY: Yes Mr. Bevilacqua.

               
               (Kramer enters his car)

               
               (Mr. Bevilacqua raises gun)

               
                             MR. BEVILACQUA
               READY - ON YOUR MARK

               
               (Kramer's car backfires)

               
               (Jerry is off early and wins the race - the crowd goes crazy 
               - )
 
               
                             LOIS
               So will you come to Hawaii with me Jerry?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe I will , Lois. Maybe I will.
 
               
               
               (Jerry winks at camera like in the Superman movie)

               
               (Havana)

               
               (George enters Castro's office (like Steinbrenner)

               
                             GEORGE
               You wanted to see me, El Presidente?
 
               
               
                             CASTRO
               Si, si. (a Spanish word I can't figure 
               out) Come here.
 
               
               I understand you are very interested in one of our players, eh?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Si, si.

               
                             CASTRO
               Ordinarily I would not grant such a 
               request but I've heard you
 
               
               are, uh, how you say, Communista simpatico, eh?

               
                             GEORGE
               Muy sumpatico. Muy muy muy.

               
                             CASTRO
               Well good, then you can have your pick.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, oh!

               
                             CASTRO
               They will play for your Yankees.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh well, gracias El Commandante, gracias. 
               Muy muy.
 
               
                             CASTRO
               And I would be honored if you would 
               be my guest for dinner tonight at the 
               Presidential palace. There will be girls 
               there and, I hear, some pretty good 
               food. Of course the problem with parties 
               is you invariably have to eat standing 
               up which I don't care for but on the 
               other hand I don't like to balance a 
               plate on my lap either. Once when I 
               was at a party, I put my plate on someone's 
               piano. I assure you, if I had not been 
               a dictator, I would not have been able 
               to get away with that one.
 
               
               
               
               
                              THE END




The Race



Writers :   Tom Gammill  Max Pross  Larry David
Genres :   Comedy


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