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                             THE SEVEN



                             Written by

                      Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer




 
               
               
               (Comedy club)

               
               Jerry's standup piece.

               
                             JERRY
               I love it when people are complimented 
               on something they're wearing and they 
               accept the compliment as if it was about 
               them. "Nice tie." "Well, thank you. 
               Thank you very much." The compliment 
               is for the tie, it's not for you, but 
               we take it. That's kind of the job of 
               clothes; to get compliments for us, 
               because it's very hard to get compliments 
               based on your human qualities. Right? 
               Let's face it, no matter how nice a 
               person you are, nobody's gonna come 
               say "Hey, nice person." It's much easier 
               to be a bastard and just try and match 
               the colours up.
 
               
               
               
               (Antique Toy Store)

               
               Elaine and Jerry enter a store stocked with the toys of yesteryear.
 
               
               
               They look around at the array of classic teddy bears, toy boats, 
               puppets, etc.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (awed) Oh, look at this!

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I miss the days they made toys 
               that could kill a kid.
 
               
               Something on the wall catches Elaine's eye.

               It's an old-fashioned girl's bicycle, with high handlebars, a 
               pink frame and a basket on the front.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) Oh, cool! Look at that!

               
               Jerry looks over, but his eye is drawn more towards an attractive
 
               
               woman, Christie, who stands looking at the toys. She's wearing 
               a dress of
 
               mid-thigh length, black from the bottom of the ribs down, and 
               white on the chest
 
               and arms.

               
                             JERRY
               (admiring Christie) Yeah, I'm right 
               there with ya.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) That is a Schwinn Stingray! 
               And it's the girl's model! Oh, I always 
               wanted one of these when I was little.
 
               
               
               Christie leaves her examination of the toys on that side of the 
               store,
 
               and walks over to some other items. Jerry watches her as she 
               goes, she notices
 
               and smiles and flirtatious looks are exchanged. Jerry is oblivious 
               to Elaine's
 
               voice.

               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think Jerry? Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               (tearing himself away from Christie) 
               Huh?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, be great for your paper route.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (laughs) I love it. I'm getting it.
 
               
               
               Elaine reaches for the bike, as Jerry turns back to Christie.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Can you help me get it down, Jer? Jerry.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I think your friend needs some help 
               over there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, the only way to really help 
               her is to just let her be.
 
               
               Elaine gives up on Jerry assisting her and tries to lift the 
               bike off
 
               the wall on her own. But as she raises it, the weight proves 
               too much and she
 
               falls backwards, ending up on her back on the floor with the 
               bike pinning her
 
               down. She struggles to lift it, but can't make much impression, 
               so she rings
 
               the bell on the bike. Jerry finally has his attention drawn away 
               from Christie.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
               Elaine makes 'So, are you gonna help me?' gestures.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner with Ken and Carrie. Carrie 
               is
 
               
               Heavily pregnant. George is eating spaghetti with his usual decorum.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               A little baby girl?

               
                             KEN
               Doctor says it could be any day now.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (through mouthful of food) So, Carrie, 
               you and Susan are
 
               
               cousins. So your baby daughter is gonna be Susan's second cousin, 
               right? So what
 
               
               does that make me?

               
                             CARRIE
               Doesn't make you anything.

               
                             GEORGE
               (jokingly) Well, so, legally, I could 
               marry your daughter.
 
               
               George laughs and shovels another load of pasta into his mouth. 
               Ken and
 
               
               Carrie look perturbed.

               
                             SUSAN
               So, have you picked out a name yet?
 
               
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, we've narrowed it down to a few. 
               We like Kimberley.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Aww.

               
                             GEORGE
               (negative) Hu-ho, boy.

               
                             KEN
               You don't like Kimberley?

               
                             GEORGE
               Ech. What else you got?

               
                             KEN
               How about Joan?

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon, I'm eating here.

               
                             SUSAN
               (warning) George!

               
                             CARRIE
               Pamela?

               
                             GEORGE
               Pamela?! Awright, I tell you what. You 
               look like nice people,
 
               
               I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.

               
                             KEN
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.

               
                             CARRIE
               I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               All names sound strange the first time 
               you hear 'em. What, you
 
               
               Telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they 
               heard it?
 
               
                             KEN
               Yeah, but uh... Soda?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, that's right. It's working.

               
                             CARRIE
               We'll put it on the list.

               
                             GEORGE
               I solve problems. That's just what I 
               do.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry sits in front of the TV, while in the kitchen Kramer is 
               building
 
               
               A sandwich of epic proportions. He hums to himself as he piles 
               sliced
 
               
               meat onto bread. Jerry looks over at him, looking somewhat irritated 
               by the way
 
               
               Kramer's demolishing his food stocks.

               
                             KRAMER
               (sniffing a slice of meat) Yeah, oh 
               boy. Mmm, that's good.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're really going to town with that 
               turkey there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, I got a big appetite.

               
               Kramer goes to the fridge and looks inside.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uhh, Jerry, you got no mustard, huh.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's on the door.

               
                             KRAMER
               (examining a yellow squeeze bottle) 
               What, this yellow stuff?
 
               
               No, I said mustard, Jerry. Dijon.

               
               Kramer waves away the squeezy option and shuts the fridge.

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, 's no good.

               
               Kramer goes back to his sandwich, puts the second slice of bread 
               on,
 
               
               and takes a bite. It doesn't meet with his approval. He spits 
               out the mouthful he's
 
               
               taken onto the plate, and dumps the rest of the sandwich next 
               to it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No. That's bush league.

               
               Kramer heads toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, hey. Wha... wait... what, you're 
               gonna leave it there?
 
               
               That's like half a pound of turkey!

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, I can't eat that. You can't 
               eat a sandwich without
 
               
               Dijon.

               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, you're right. I really 
               should keep more of your
 
               
               favourites on hand.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. 
               What, are you unhappy
 
               
               with our arrangement?

               
                             JERRY
               What arrangement?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I was under the impression that 
               I could take anything I
 
               
               Wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want 
               from mine.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, well, lemme know when 
               you get something in there
 
               
               and I will.

               
               Elaine enters. She has her head leaning over to the left, and 
               she's
 
               
               Moving carefully, like it's giving her pain.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. What's with your neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               Still killing me from having to get 
               that bike off the wall.
 
               
               (pointedly) By myself.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, if it's any consolation, I did 
               get her number.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (sitting) Ah, I think I really strained 
               it. Ow.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aw, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you 
               pulled it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ach, maybe.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you twist it? You coulda twisted 
               it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe 
               you squeezed it. Turned
 
               
               it...

               
                             ELAINE
               (patience exhausted) You know what, 
               why don't you just shut the
 
               
               hell up?

               
                             JERRY
               Awright.

               
                             ELAINE
               God. Man, this is killing me. Right 
               now, I would give that bike
 
               
               to the first person who could make this pain go away.

               
                             KRAMER
               Aw, you really hurting, huh?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Kramer, it's just awful.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh hmm. Well, your arterioles have constricted.
 
               
               
               Kramer walks around behind the seated Elaine, and reaches for 
               her neck.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, lean forward, relax.

               
                             ELAINE
               (worried) What? What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Encounter shiatsu.

               
               Kramer begins to work at Elaine's neck with his thumbs.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wait a minute. Kramer, you know what 
               you're doing here?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (continuing to work) Ohh yeah. A wise 
               man once taught me the
 
               
               Healing power of the body's natural pressure points.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ah hah.

               
                             KRAMER
               (to Jerry) He sells tee-shirts outside 
               the World Trade Centre.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (seriously worried) Wha...?

               
                             KRAMER
               He's a genius. Here we go...

               
               Kramer takes a firm grip of each side of Elaine's head. Elaine 
               looks
 
               
               Really worried now. She grabs a hold of Jerry's shirt and the 
               arm of the
 
               
               couch, and her feet stamp on the floor.

               
                             KRAMER
               From pain, will come pleasure.

               
               Kramer violently twists Elaine's head to the left. There's a 
               loud
 
               
               Crunching sound, and Elaine cries out in shock. Kramer lets go 
               of her head and
 
               
               steps away, job done.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh? Voila.

               
                             ELAINE
               (pleasantly surprised) Oh my god!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine rolls her head around, completely comfortable.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wow! That is unbelievable. The pain 
               is totally gone!
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's even more amazing is his formal 
               training is in
 
               
               paediatrics.

               
                             KRAMER
               Awright, my work is done here.

               
               Kramer heads for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               (big smile) Oh man! Kramer, thank you!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (closing the door) Yeah, you can send 
               that bike over any time.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (after Kramer) What? (to Jerry) What, 
               what is he talking about?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I dunno. (realising) Oh, 'cos you said 
               you'd give the bike to
 
               
               anyone who fixes your neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               You really think he wants the bike?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               It took him like ten seconds!

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's the most he's worked in 
               the last four months.
 
               
               
               
               (George's Car)

               
               George and Susan, heading home from the restaurant. George is 
               happy,
 
               
               smiling and whistling.

               
                             GEORGE
               I think they really went for that Soda.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               What, are you crazy? They hated it. 
               They were just humouring
 
               
               you.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, alright. Believe me, that kid's 
               gonna be called Soda.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               I can tell you, I would never name my 
               child Soda.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no no no. Course not. I got a great 
               name for our kids. A
 
               
               Real original. You wanna hear what it is? Huh, you ready?

               
                             SUSAN
               Yeah.

               
               George uses his finger to draw a number 7 in the air, accompanying 
               the
 
               
               Strokes of his digit with a two-tone whistle.

               
                             SUSAN
               What is that? Sign language?

               
                             GEORGE
               No, Seven.

               
                             SUSAN
               Seven Costanza? You're serious?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy 
               or a girl...
 
               
               Susan scoffs.

               
                             GEORGE
               ...especially a girl. Or a boy.

               
                             SUSAN
               I don't think so.

               
                             GEORGE
               What, you don't like the name?

               
                             SUSAN
               It's not a name. It's a number.

               
                             GEORGE
               I know. It's Mickey Mantle's number. 
               So not only is it an all
 
               
               Around beautiful name, it is also a living tribute.

               
                             SUSAN
               It's awful. I hate it!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry) Well, that's the name!

               
                             SUSAN
               (also angry) Oh no it is not! No child 
               of mine is ever going to
 
               
               be named Seven!

               
                             GEORGE
               (yelling) Awright, let's just stay calm 
               here! Don't get all
 
               
               crazy on me!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry walks from the bathroom, talking to George, who's just 
               told him
 
               
               about his contretemps with Susan.

               
                             JERRY
               Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. 
               Seven. Seven periods of
 
               
               school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, 
               and eventually
 
               
               seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (adamant) Yes I am. I defy you to come 
               up with a better name
 
               
               than Seven.

               
               Jerry walks toward the kitchen. He sees an item on the counter.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Awright, let's see. How about Mug? (picks 
               up the mug) Mug
 
               
               Costanza, that's original. (he turns and sees another item) Or 
               uh, Ketchup?
 
               
               Pretty name for a girl.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, you having a good time there?
 
               
               
               Jerry is in the kitchen, and opens a cupboard. His eyes run over 
               the
 
               
               array of good within.

               
                             JERRY
               I got fifty right here in the cupboard. 
               How about Bisquik?
 
               
               Pimento. Gherkin. Sauce. Maxwell House.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouts) Awright already!! This is a 
               very key issue with me,
 
               
               Jerry. I had this name for a long time.

               
               Jerry comes back into the living room. A thought occurs.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I forgot to call Christie.

               
                             GEORGE
               Christie? That's the one you met in 
               the antique store?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, she had this great black and white 
               dress, with a scoop
 
               
               neck. She looked like some kinda superhero.

               
                             GEORGE
               And you met her in an antique store! 
               I don't know how you do
 
               
               it!

               
                             JERRY
               (smug) I'm not engaged.

               
               George gives Jerry a look. Kramer enters. He's carrying a small
 
               
               
               goldfish bowl, a pad and a pencil tied to the bowl by string.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, I got it.

               
                             JERRY
               Got what?

               
                             KRAMER
               (putting the items on the counter) Got 
               the answer, Jerry.
 
               
               Refrigerator problem, is solved.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's no problem. You can take whatever 
               you want.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I will. But now, I'm accountable. 
               Alright, I take what I
 
               
               want.

               
               Kramer takes a cupcake from a box on the counter.

               
                             KRAMER
               Here. I write it down. (he writes) "One 
               cupcake." And then I
 
               
               put it in the bowl. (he tears off the sheet, crumples it and 
               drops it into the
 
               
               bowl) There. Very simple.

               
                             JERRY
               Sort of a mooching inventory.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no. Not mooching. 'Cos at the end 
               of the week, you add 'em
 
               
               all up, and you give me the bill.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, now look I gotta run some errands, 
               so look. When
 
               
               Elaine comes by with that bike, you hang onto it for me, alright?
 
               
               
               George passes by as he goes to the fridge.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I don't know if you're getting 
               that bike.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yes I am. We had a verbal contract. 
               If we can't take each other
 
               
               at our word, all is lost.

               
               George has fetched a Diet Coke from the fridge. He opens it. 
               Kramer
 
               
               hears the hiss, and notices George.

               
                             KRAMER
               (waving at the bowl) Oh yeah, yeah. 
               Put that on my tab.
 
               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie have just arrived. They're both wearing long 
               coats,
 
               
               Fastened to the collar.

               
                             JERRY
               Well this is it. The food is atrocious, 
               but the busboys are the
 
               
               best in the city.

               
               A member of staff approaches.

               
                             MAITRE D'
               May I take your coat, miss?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes, thank you.

               
               The Maitre d' helps Christie to slip out of her coat, revealing 
               that
 
               
               she has on the exact same dress as she was wearing in the antique 
               store. Jerry
 
               
               looks bemused, but plasters on a fixed smile as Christie looks 
               at him.
 
               
               
               
               (Monks')

               
               Jerry and George sit in a booth, discussing the previous night. 
               George
 
               
               Fingers his chin thoughtfully.

               
                             GEORGE
               The same outfit?

               
                             JERRY
               The exact same outfit.

               
                             GEORGE
               How many days was it between encounters.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Three.

               
                             GEORGE
               Three days. Well, maybe you caught her 
               on the cusp of a new
 
               
               wash cycle. You know, she did laundry the day after she met you, 
               everything got
 
               
               clean and she started all over again.

               
                             JERRY
               Possibly, but then shouldn't the outfit 
               only reappear again at
 
               
               the end of the cycle?

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe she moved it up in the rotation.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why? It's our first date, she's already 
               in reruns?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Very curious.

               
                             JERRY
               Indeed.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know, Einstein wore the exact same 
               outfit every day.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, if she splits the atom, I'll let 
               it slide.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (picking up his coat) Awright, I'm heading 
               home.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, did Susan change her mind about 
               the name?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (standing) Not yet, but she's weakening.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, George, just because your 
               life is destroyed, don't
 
               
               Destroy someone else's.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's Mickey Mantle, Jerry. My idol.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How about 'Mickey'?

               
                             GEORGE
               'Mickey'? (incredulous) 'Mickey'!

               
               George walks away, half-laughing at Jerry's ludicrous suggestion.
 
               
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is in the fridge. Kramer enters with a slide of the feet, 
               and a
 
               
               cigar in his mouth.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy.

               
                             JERRY
               (holding up a can) Hey, is this your 
               half a can of soda in the
 
               
               fridge?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, that's yours. My half is gone.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I put my half a can here on the 
               tab. Why, what's your
 
               
               beef?

               
                             JERRY
               You cannot buy half a can of soda.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, why not.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I don't wanna get into the whole 
               physics of carbonation
 
               
               with you here, but you know the sound a can makes when you open 
               it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               That is the sound of you buying a whole 
               can. And the same goes
 
               
               for this, okay...

               
               Jerry holds up an apple, from which has been taken one large 
               bite.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...When you pierce the skin of a piece 
               of fruit, you've bought
 
               
               the whole fruit. Not a third of an apple, not a half of a banana...
 
               
               
               Jerry hold up a half banana.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright.

               
                             JERRY
               ...You bite it, you bought it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, alright. I'll make the necessary 
               adjustments, alright.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. (pointedly) So, how's the neck? 
               Nice and loose?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Lookit, Kramer, you are not getting 
               this bike. I don't even
 
               
               know why you ant it. (laughingly) I mean, it's a girl's bike.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (deadly serious) It's a verbal contract. 
               We had a deal.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No we didn't. You take these things 
               too literally. It's like
 
               
               saying,

               
               you're hungry enough to eat a horse.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider 
               eats horse all the time. He
 
               
               gets it from his butcher.

               
                             ELAINE
               This is not the point. (emphatic) The 
               point is, you just can't
 
               
               have the bike.

               
                             KRAMER
               Boy, I am really surprised at you. (opening 
               the door) You are
 
               
               the last person I figured would do something like this. I mean, 
               George, yeah, I
 
               
               can see that. Even Jerry. But not you, Elaine...

               
               Kramer holds one hand up above his head.

               
                             KRAMER
               I always put you up here...

               
               Kramer holds his other hand at about knee height.

               
                             KRAMER
               ...They're over here. Now you're... 
               aww-whawww.
 
               
               Kramer brings his first hand down to the level of the second. 
               He
 
               
               leaves, closing the door with a bang. Elaine sits, fighting with 
               her conscience. There
 
               
               is a brief pause, then the door opens again and Kramer pokes 
               in his head,
 
               
               expectantly.

               
                             ELAINE
               (grudging) Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               (points) Digidi.

               
               Kramer leaves and closes the door again.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner.

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's 
               a real original, nobody
 
               
               else is gonna have it and I absolutely love it.

               
                             SUSAN
               Well, I dunno how original it's gonna 
               be any more.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             SUSAN
               Well I was telling Carrie about our 
               argument, and when I told
 
               
               them the name, they just loved it.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, what're you saying?

               
                             SUSAN
               They're gonna name their baby Seven.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (disbelief) What?! They're stealing 
               the name?! That's my name,
 
               
               I made it up!

               
                             SUSAN
               I can't believe that they're using it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (anger) Well now it's not gonna be original! 
               It's gonna lose
 
               
               all its cachet!

               
                             SUSAN
               I dunno how much cachet it had to begin 
               with.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (rage) Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's 
               got cachet up the
 
               
               yin-yang!

               
               
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
               Elaine is in bed. She begins to move to get up. As she raises 
               herself
 
               
               from the mattress, there is a loud crunching sound. A look of 
               agony crosses her
 
               
               face.

               
                             ELAINE
               (in pain) Oh god! Oh, god. (bitter) 
               Kramer!
 
               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine walks along the street. Her neck problem means she has 
               her head
 
               
               Tipped back so far she can't see directly in front of her. A 
               guy coming the
 
               
               other way gives her a warning.

               
                             MAN
               Watch your step.

               
               Elaine collides with a litter bin which is outside her field 
               of vision.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (pain) Oh, ah. (bitter) Stupid Kramer.
 
               
               
               Christie is looking in a shop window, then she spots Elaine.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Excuse me. Elaine?

               
               Elaine, handicapped by her neck, cannot see who's speaking.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh?

               
               Christie comes over to Elaine. All Elaine can see of her is her 
               head
 
               
               and neck.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Over here. I thought that was you. You're 
               Jerry's friend,
 
               
               right?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah. Uh, Christie?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes. How y'doing?

               
                             ELAINE
               (bearing up) I'm fine.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I gotta run. It was good to see 
               you.
 
               
               Christie walks away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (after Christie) Okay, oh, it was good 
               to, good to see you.
 
               
               Kramer comes along the street, riding the Schwinn Stingray and 
               ringing
 
               
               the bell. He attracts comments from folk on the street.

               
                             VOICE 1
               Lookin' good.

               
                             VOICE 2
               Hey Cosmo, nice wheels.

               
                             KRAMER
               You got that right!

               
               A kid leans out the window of a parked Volvo.

               
                             KID
               (scorn) Hey, you're riding a girl's 
               bike.
 
               
               Kramer thumbs his nose and continues pedalling.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shouting) Kramer! Kramer!

               
               
               
               (Outside Apartment Building)

               
               George walks up to the door. He pushes the buzzer for a particular
 
               
               
               apartment.

               
                             KEN
               Hello.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello, Ken. It's George Costanza. I 
               think we need to talk.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry hears a loud knocking from the hallway.

               
                             ELAINE
               (angry shout) Kramer!

               
               Jerry opens the door to reveal Elaine hammering insistently at 
               Kramer's
 
               
               door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer!!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey

               
               Elaine turns to Jerry and gets a twinge from her neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ow! God! Is Kramer back from his little 
               joyride yet?
 
               
               Elaine enters Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Haven't seen him. How's the neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               His chiropractic job was a crock. It's 
               even worse than it was
 
               
               before.

               
               Elaine removes her bag from her back, wincing from the pain as 
               she
 
               
               moves.

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I'm surprised. (sarcasm) I would 
               think Kramer would have a
 
               
               knack for moving pieces of a person's spine around.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, you know what, I think I ran into 
               that girl from the
 
               
               antique store. What's her name, Christie?

               
                             JERRY
               You saw her? What was she wearing?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know. I couldn't see. I couldn't 
               look down because of
 
               
               my neck.

               
                             JERRY
               Didn't you get a glimpse? An impression?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you care?

               
                             JERRY
               Both times I've seen her she's worn 
               the same dress.
 
               
               There's a ringing from the Schwinn's bell, and Kramer rides it 
               into
 
               
               Jerry's apartment. He rides all around the apartment, round the 
               couch, past the
 
               
               TV and is heading for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you have a nice ride?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, great ride.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that's good. 'Cos it was your last!
 
               
               
               Elaine slams the door shut before Kramer can leave. Kramer rides
 
               
               
               straight into the door with a clatter. He falls to the ground, 
               then makes his
 
               
               stumbling way upright again.

               
                             KRAMER
               What're you talking about?! We had a 
               deal!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (anger) You better give me back that 
               bike! (indicating neck)
 
               
               Look at this! Look! Ow. I couldn't even crawl out of bed this 
               morning.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Bed? You should be sleeping on a wooden 
               board for at least a
 
               
               week.

               
                             ELAINE
               What? You never told me that.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's common sense.

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, what is he talking about? He's 
               being ridiculous.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, look. Jerry, you know the whole 
               story, you should
 
               
               settle this.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm flattered that you would both 
               appeal to my wisdom, but
 
               
               unfortunately, my friendship to each of you precludes my getting
 
               
               
               involved. What you need is an impartial mediator.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, I'd go for that. Would you go 
               for that?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'm down.

               
                             JERRY
               Course, it would have to be someone 
               who hasn't heard the story
 
               
               before. Someone who is unencumbered by any emotional attachment. 
               Someone whose
 
               
               heart is so dark, it cannot be swayed by pity, compassion, or 
               human emotion of
 
               
               any kind.

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer sit on Newman's couch. Elaine with her head 
               tilted
 
               
               back. Newman sits in his chair, his fingertips together, trying 
               to give an
 
               
               Impression of limitless wisdom.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, that's the situation.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Mmm. You present an interesting dilemma. 
               Each of you seemingly
 
               
               has a legitimate claim to the bicycle, and yet the bicycle can 
               have only one
 
               
               rightful owner. Quite the conundrum. As a federal employee, I 
               believe the law is
 
               
               all we have. (getting worked up) It's all that separates us from 
               the savages
 
               
               who don't deserve even the privilege of the daily mail. (angry) 
               Stuffing parcels
 
               
               into mailboxes where they don't belong!!...

               
                             KRAMER
               Newman!

               
               Newman catches himself, and comes back to normality.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But, you must promise That you will 
               abide by my decision, no
 
               
               Matter how unjust it may seem to either of you. Do I have your 
               word?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Alright, let's begin.

               
               Newman sits back, to begin his contemplation. There is the single
 
               
               
               'ting' of a microwave.

               
                             NEWMAN
               (excited) Ooh, my cocoa!

               
               Newman leaps to his feet and heads for his kitchen.

               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Apartment)

               
               Carrie is on the couch, with Ken sitting on the arm. George is
 
               
               
               explaining about Seven.

               
                             KEN
               Why can't we use Seven?

               
                             GEORGE
               It's my name. I made it up. You can't 
               just steal it.
 
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, it's not as if Susan's pregnant. 
               You've already postponed
 
               
               The wedding. Who knows if you'll ever get married.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, hey hey. Don't worry about me. 
               I'm not a waffler. I don't
 
               
               waffle!

               
                             KEN
               Right, we're both big Mickey Mantle 
               fans, and we love the name.
 
               
               It's very unusual.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) What happened to Soda?! I 
               thought we all agreed on
 
               
               Soda.

               
                             KEN
               (emphatic) Well, we don't care for Soda.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You don't care for Soda?!

               
                             CARRIE
               (worked up) No, no. We don't like Soda 
               at all!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) How d'you not like Soda?! 
               It's bubbly, it's
 
               
               refreshing!

               
               Carrie jumps and gives a cry.

               
                             CARRIE
               Oh!

               
                             KEN
               What is it?

               
                             CARRIE
               I felt something.

               
                             KEN
               Are you okay, honey?

               
                             CARRIE
               I think I'm going into labour.

               
               George flashes a panicked expression.

               
                             KEN
               Oh god, oh god. Okay, let's not panic. 
               Let's just get to the
 
               
               hospital...

               
               Ken and Carrie rise and head toward the door.

               
                             CARRIE
               Okay.

               
                             KEN
               ...Alright? I got the suitcase packed, 
               right here.
 
               
               Ken grabs the suitcase from by the door and they exit, hurriedly.
 
               
               
               George trails along behind them, making suggestions.

               
                             GEORGE
               What about Six?

               
               Ken gives him a look over his shoulder.

               
                             GEORGE
               Nine. Thirt... thirteen's no good.
 
               
               
               Ken has left, George follows out the door.

               
                             GEORGE
               Fourteen. (shouting after Ken) Fourteen!
 
               
               
               George closes the door behind him.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie are having dinner. Christie is eating, while 
               Jerry
 
               
               leans back picking at his meal, looking suspicious at the fact 
               that Christie is
 
               
               wearing the same black and white dress as at their two previous 
               meetings.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Are you okay, Jerry? You seem quiet.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm just a little uh, worn out.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I know exactly what you mean.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sure you do.

               
               Christie begins to season her food, with salt. Jerry chews

               
               thoughtfully.

               
                             JERRY
               What in god's name is going on here? 
               Is she wearing the
 
               
               same thing over and over again? Or does she have a closet full 
               of these, like
 
               
               Superman? I've got to unlock this mystery.

               
               Christie adds a little pepper to her dish. But after replacing 
               the
 
               
               shaker, she knocks her glass of red wine over her dress.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               (horrified) Oh my god!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
               Christie mops at the spill with her napkin, but there's only 
               so much
 
               
               you can do.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahh. I can't go to the movies like this. 
               Do you mind if we go
 
               
               back to my apartment, so I can change?

               
                             JERRY
               Change? (thoughtful) Yes, I think that's 
               a super idea.
 
               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Car)

               
               Ken is driving Carrie to the hospital. Carrie is as worked up 
               as you'd
 
               
               expect a woman in labor to be. In the back seat, George is making 
               one last
 
               
               attempt to save his name.

               
                             CARRIE
               Are we almost there?

               
                             KEN
               Just keep breathing, okay.

               
                             CARRIE
               (deep breaths) Okay, okay.

               
                             KEN
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, the thing is, 
               I kinda promised the widow
 
               
               Mantle that I would name my baby Seven.

               
               As George speaks, Ken is looking impatient and angry.

               
                             KEN
               Now's not the best time, George!

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) It's just that, I know her, 
               and boy...
 
               
                             KEN
               (firm) George! She's in labour!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry shout) So am I!

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer still sit on the couch, awaiting Newman's
 
               
               
               arbitration.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Well, you've both presented very convincing 
               arguments. On the
 
               
               one hand, Elaine, your promise was given in haste. But was it 
               not still a promise? Hmm?
 
               
               Kramer looks at Elaine, thinking his arguments have put him one 
               up.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               And, Kramer, you did provide a service 
               in exchange for
 
               
               compensation. But, does the fee, once paid, not entitle the buyer 
               to some assurance
 
               
               Of reliability? Hmm? Huh? Ahh. These were not easy questions 
               to answer.
 
               
               Not for any man...

               
               Kramer leans forward to receive the result. Elaine looks as attentive
 
               
               
               as she can while only being able to look upwards.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But I have made a decision. (revelatory) 
               We will cut the
 
               
               bike down the middle, and give half to each of you.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shout) What?! This is your solution?! 
               To ruin the bike?!
 
               
               Newman's face drops at her negative reaction. Kramer looks across 
               at
 
               
               the bike, looking worried.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, fine. Fine. Go ahead. (standing) 
               Cut the stupid thing
 
               
               in half.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, no. Give it to her. I'd rather 
               it belonged to another
 
               
               than see it destroyed. Newman, give it to her, I beg you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah, y-yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Not so fast, Elaine! Only the bike's 
               true owner would rather
 
               
               give it away than see it come to harm. Kramer, the bike is yours!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Sweet justice. Newman, you are wise.
 
               
               
               Kramer picks up the bike and climbs aboard.

               
                             ELAINE
               (frustration) But this isn't fair! Lookit, 
               my neck is still
 
               
               hurting me,

               
               and now you have the bike?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, tell it to the judge, honey. I'm 
               going for a ride.
 
               
               Kramer opens the door and rides clumsily out, ringing the bell 
               as he
 
               
               goes.

               
               
               
               (Christie's Apartment)

               
               Christie leads Jerry into her home.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Here we are.

               
                             JERRY
               (looking around) Ah, so this is the 
               Fortress of Solitude.
 
               
               Christie puts down her bag, and removes her coat.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I guess I'll go change.

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, change. By all means, change.
 
               
               
               Christie walks away down a hallway. Jerry removes his coat and 
               sits
 
               
               down. He looks around himself. On the coffee table he notices 
               a small framed
 
               
               picture of Christie and some guy. In the picture, she's wearing 
               the same black and
 
               
               White dress. Jerry picks it up and examines it more closely, 
               reading a date
 
               
               written on the photo.

               
                             JERRY
               August seventeen, nineteen-ninety-two. 
               The same dress!
 
               
               She never

               
               changes! Oh my god. (looking around) She's gotta have hundreds 
               of these
 
               
               dresses.

               
               Jerry gets up from his seat.

               
                             JERRY
               There must be a secret stash around 
               here somewhere.
 
               
               Jerry opens a closet and begins to look inside. While he's rooting
 
               
               
               about in there, Christie reenters the room, wearing a robe and 
               looking indignant
 
               
               at discovering Jerry invading her privacy.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahem! Are you looking for something?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What're you doing? I thought you were 
               changing.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               No, I, I'm thinking we should just call 
               it a night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no. C'mon, put something else on. 
               It's early, let's go out.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               If it's all the same to you, I think 
               I'm just gonna go to
 
               
               bed.

               
               Jerry moves to the couch, where he half lays down.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I'm kinda tired myself. Maybe 
               I'll just sleep here on
 
               
               The couch. Then in the morning, you'll get dressed, we'll walk 
               out
 
               
               together. Both dressed, different clothes. Well, I'll be in the 
               same clothes. You'll
 
               
               of course be in different clothes, because it's your apartment. 
               But we'll go
 
               
               downstairs, me in my same clothes, you in your different clothes.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (unequivocal) Jerry. I don't think so.
 
               
               
               Jerry picks up his coat and moves toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               You wanna throw something on and walk 
               me to a cab?
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (gesturing) Get out.

               
               Jerry walks though the door. He's still talking as Christie closes 
               it
 
               
               on him.

               
                             JERRY
               (pleading) Tell me what you're wearing 
               tomorrow. I'll help you
 
               
               lay it out on the bed.

               
               
               
               (Hospital)

               
               Carrie is in a wheelchair, being wheeled by an orderly. She's 
               doing her
 
               
               breathing. Ken hurries alongside, comforting his wife. George 
               also
 
               
               hustles along the corridor with the group.

               
                             KEN
               Okay, breathe, honey. Breathe.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, you're really 
               being very selfish. It
 
               
               would be nice if you would think of someone other than yourself 
               every now and then!
 
               
                             CARRIE
               (shouts) I'm having a baby!!

               
               The orderly pushes the wheelchair on through the door of the 
               delivery
 
               
               room. Ken turns to face George.

               
                             KEN
               George, you're not getting Seven! Now 
               get outta here!!
 
               
               Ken strides into the delivery room.

               
                             GEORGE
               (desperate) Please! I have so little!
 
               
               
               George tries to follow, but an orderly blocks his path.

               
                             ORDERLY
               Sorry sir, it's family only.

               
               The orderly closes the door on George, whose face can be seen 
               through
 
               
               The window.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm family. I'm having sex with the 
               cousin!
 
               
               George thumps his fists against the door in frustration. He's 
               crying as
 
               
               He screams.

               
                             GEORGE
               Seven!!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is on the phone, while Kramer examines a box of cereal 
               in the
 
               
               kitchen.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello, Christie? I was wondering if 
               we could get together again?
 
               
               (listens) Oh really? Well you can't break up with me over the 
               phone.
 
               
               C'mon, you gotta do this in person. It doesn't even have to be 
               one on one, you can
 
               
               bring a group of friends. I just wanna see you. Wait, don't hang 
               up on me.
 
               
               (hurriedly) Why d'you wear the same dress all the time? Hello.
 
               
               
               Defeated, Jerry hangs up the phone.

               
                             KRAMER
               (indicating the cereal) Hey, Jerry, 
               if you're gonna be snacking
 
               
               On these, you can't expect me to pay for the whole box.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright, hobo Joe. I didn't wanna put 
               a damper on your little
 
               
               Smorgasbord here, but it's the end of the week, so I added up 
               your tab.
 
               
               Jerry tears a sheet off a writing pad, and presents it to Kramer.
 
               
               
               Kramer takes a look.

               
                             KRAMER
               (does a double take) Yikes.

               
                             JERRY
               I know. Pretty steep.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I don't have this kind of cash.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Few do.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm good for it.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, well, until this bill is paid...
 
               
               
               Jerry takes back the tab, then takes the cereal out of Kramer's 
               hands.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...the food court is closed.

               
                             KRAMER
               (opening the door) Alright. I'll get 
               that money for you in five
 
               
               minutes. And, don't eat any more.

               
               Kramer leaves at a run.

               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine is walking along, when she spots something ahead of her.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, that's my bike!

               
               Along the sidewalk comes a happy-looking Newman, pedalling the 
               Schwinn
 
               
               for all he's worth. He rings the bell.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Gangway!

               
                             ELAINE
               This is my bike!

               
               Newman brakes to a halt in front of Elaine.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Oh no. No no no no. I bought it from 
               Kramer. He was hard up for
 
               
               cash. Fifty bucks! (he laughs) Can you believe it? Of course, 
               I had to make
 
               
               some minor modifications, you know. Solid tyres, reinforced seatpost, 
               heavy duty
 
               
               shocks. But, baby, this is one sweet ride.

               
               Newman begins to ride away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (chasing Newman) No, you better gimme 
               back that bike. Newman,
 
               
               gimme...

               
               Elaine grabs hold of the trailing end of Newman's scarf.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Hey!! Help me!

               
               The show ends with a freeze frame of Newman on the bike, and 
               a
 
               
               determined Elaine grasping the scarf. There are sounds of a struggle.
 
               
               
               (End)

               
               
               
               7.13 "The Seven"

               
                             EPISODE NUMBER
               123

               
                             ORIGINAL AIR DATE
               February 01, 1996

               
                             WRITTEN BY
               Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer

               
                             DIRECTED BY
               Andy Ackerman

               
                             GUEST CAST
               
               
               Ken Hudson Campbell (Ken)

               
               Shannon Holt (Carrie)

               
               Lisa Deanne (Christie)

               
               Charles Emmett (Orderly)

               
               David Richards (Maitre d')

               
               Matthew McCurley (Kid)

               
               Josh Abramson (Man #1)

               
               Steve Artiaga (Man #2)

               
               Cheryl Hunter (Woman)

               
               
               
               (Nightclub)

               
               Jerry's standup piece.

               
                             JERRY
               I love it when people are complimented 
               on something they're
 
               
               wearing and they accept the compliment as if it was about them. 
               "Nice tie." "Well,
 
               
               thank you. Thank you very much." The compliment is for the tie, 
               it's not for
 
               
               you, but we take it. That's kind of the job of clothes; to get 
               compliments for
 
               
               us, because it's very hard to get compliments based on your human
 
               
               
               qualities. Right? Let's face it, no matter how nice a person 
               you are, nobody's gonna come
 
               
               Say "Hey, nice person." It's much easier to be a bastard and 
               just try and
 
               
               match the colours up.

               
               
               
               (Antique Toy Store)

               
               Elaine and Jerry enter a store stocked with the toys of yesteryear.
 
               
               
               They look around at the array of classic teddy bears, toy boats, 
               puppets, etc.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (awed) Oh, look at this!

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I miss the days they made toys 
               that could kill a kid.
 
               
               Something on the wall catches Elaine's eye. It's an old-fashioned
 
               
               
               girl's bicycle, with high handlebars, a pink frame and a basket 
               on the front.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) Oh, cool! Look at that!

               
               Jerry looks over, but his eye is drawn more towards an attractive
 
               
               
               woman, Christie, who stands looking at the toys. She's wearing 
               a dress of
 
               
               mid-thigh length, black from the bottom of the ribs down, and 
               white on the chest
 
               
               and arms.

               
                             JERRY
               (admiring Christie) Yeah, I'm right 
               there with ya.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) That is a Schwinn Stingray! 
               And it's the girl's
 
               
               model! Oh, I always wanted one of these when I was little.

               
               Christie leaves her examination of the toys on that side of the 
               store,
 
               
               and walks over to some other items. Jerry watches her as she 
               goes, she notices
 
               
               and smiles and flirtatious looks are exchanged. Jerry is oblivious 
               to Elaine's
 
               
               voice.

               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think Jerry? Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               (tearing himself away from Christie) 
               Huh?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, be great for your paper route.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (laughs) I love it. I'm getting it.
 
               
               
               Elaine reaches for the bike, as Jerry turns back to Christie.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Can you help me get it down, Jer? Jerry.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I think your friend needs some help 
               over there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, the only way to really help 
               her is to just let her be.
 
               
               Elaine gives up on Jerry assisting her and tries to lift the 
               bike off
 
               
               the wall on her own. But as she raises it, the weight proves 
               too much and she
 
               
               falls backwards, ending up on her back on the floor with the 
               bike pinning her
 
               
               down. She struggles to lift it, but can't make much impression, 
               so she rings
 
               
               the bell on the bike. Jerry finally has his attention drawn away 
               from Christie.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
               Elaine makes 'So, are you gonna help me?' gestures.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner with Ken and Carrie. Carrie 
               is
 
               
               Heavily pregnant. George is eating spaghetti with his usual decorum.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               A little baby girl?

               
                             KEN
               Doctor says it could be any day now.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (through mouthful of food) So, Carrie, 
               you and Susan are
 
               
               cousins. So your baby daughter is gonna be Susan's second cousin, 
               right? So what
 
               
               does that make me?

               
                             CARRIE
               Doesn't make you anything.

               
                             GEORGE
               (jokingly) Well, so, legally, I could 
               marry your daughter.
 
               
               George laughs and shovels another load of pasta into his mouth. 
               Ken and
 
               
               Carrie look perturbed.

               
                             SUSAN
               So, have you picked out a name yet?
 
               
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, we've narrowed it down to a few. 
               We like Kimberley.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Aww.

               
                             GEORGE
               (negative) Hu-ho, boy.

               
                             KEN
               You don't like Kimberley?

               
                             GEORGE
               Ech. What else you got?

               
                             KEN
               How about Joan?

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon, I'm eating here.

               
                             SUSAN
               (warning) George!

               
                             CARRIE
               Pamela?

               
                             GEORGE
               Pamela?! Awright, I tell you what. You 
               look like nice people,
 
               
               I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.

               
                             KEN
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.

               
                             CARRIE
               I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               All names sound strange the first time 
               you hear 'em. What, you
 
               
               Telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they 
               heard it?
 
               
                             KEN
               Yeah, but uh... Soda?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, that's right. It's working.

               
                             CARRIE
               We'll put it on the list.

               
                             GEORGE
               I solve problems. That's just what I 
               do.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry sits in front of the TV, while in the kitchen Kramer is 
               building
 
               
               A sandwich of epic proportions. He hums to himself as he piles 
               sliced
 
               
               meat onto bread. Jerry looks over at him, looking somewhat irritated 
               by the way
 
               
               Kramer's demolishing his food stocks.

               
                             KRAMER
               (sniffing a slice of meat) Yeah, oh 
               boy. Mmm, that's good.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're really going to town with that 
               turkey there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, I got a big appetite.

               
               Kramer goes to the fridge and looks inside.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uhh, Jerry, you got no mustard, huh.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's on the door.

               
                             KRAMER
               (examining a yellow squeeze bottle) 
               What, this yellow stuff?
 
               
               No, I said mustard, Jerry. Dijon.

               
               Kramer waves away the squeezy option and shuts the fridge.

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, 's no good.

               
               Kramer goes back to his sandwich, puts the second slice of bread 
               on,
 
               
               and takes a bite. It doesn't meet with his approval. He spits 
               out the mouthful he's
 
               
               taken onto the plate, and dumps the rest of the sandwich next 
               to it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No. That's bush league.

               
               Kramer heads toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, hey. Wha... wait... what, you're 
               gonna leave it there?
 
               
               That's like half a pound of turkey!

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, I can't eat that. You can't 
               eat a sandwich without
 
               
               Dijon.

               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, you're right. I really 
               should keep more of your
 
               
               favourites on hand.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. 
               What, are you unhappy
 
               
               with our arrangement?

               
                             JERRY
               What arrangement?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I was under the impression that 
               I could take anything I
 
               
               Wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want 
               from mine.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, well, lemme know when 
               you get something in there
 
               
               and I will.

               
               Elaine enters. She has her head leaning over to the left, and 
               she's
 
               
               Moving carefully, like it's giving her pain.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. What's with your neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               Still killing me from having to get 
               that bike off the wall.
 
               
               (pointedly) By myself.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, if it's any consolation, I did 
               get her number.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (sitting) Ah, I think I really strained 
               it. Ow.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aw, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you 
               pulled it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ach, maybe.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you twist it? You coulda twisted 
               it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe 
               you squeezed it. Turned
 
               
               it...

               
                             ELAINE
               (patience exhausted) You know what, 
               why don't you just shut the
 
               
               hell up?

               
                             JERRY
               Awright.

               
                             ELAINE
               God. Man, this is killing me. Right 
               now, I would give that bike
 
               
               to the first person who could make this pain go away.

               
                             KRAMER
               Aw, you really hurting, huh?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Kramer, it's just awful.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh hmm. Well, your arterioles have constricted.
 
               
               
               Kramer walks around behind the seated Elaine, and reaches for 
               her neck.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, lean forward, relax.

               
                             ELAINE
               (worried) What? What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Encounter shiatsu.

               
               Kramer begins to work at Elaine's neck with his thumbs.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wait a minute. Kramer, you know what 
               you're doing here?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (continuing to work) Ohh yeah. A wise 
               man once taught me the
 
               
               Healing power of the body's natural pressure points.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ah hah.

               
                             KRAMER
               (to Jerry) He sells tee-shirts outside 
               the World Trade Centre.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (seriously worried) Wha...?

               
                             KRAMER
               He's a genius. Here we go...

               
               Kramer takes a firm grip of each side of Elaine's head. Elaine 
               looks
 
               
               Really worried now. She grabs a hold of Jerry's shirt and the 
               arm of the
 
               
               couch, and her feet stamp on the floor.

               
                             KRAMER
               From pain, will come pleasure.

               
               Kramer violently twists Elaine's head to the left. There's a 
               loud
 
               
               Crunching sound, and Elaine cries out in shock. Kramer lets go 
               of her head and
 
               
               steps away, job done.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh? Voila.

               
                             ELAINE
               (pleasantly surprised) Oh my god!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine rolls her head around, completely comfortable.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wow! That is unbelievable. The pain 
               is totally gone!
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's even more amazing is his formal 
               training is in
 
               
               paediatrics.

               
                             KRAMER
               Awright, my work is done here.

               
               Kramer heads for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               (big smile) Oh man! Kramer, thank you!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (closing the door) Yeah, you can send 
               that bike over any time.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (after Kramer) What? (to Jerry) What, 
               what is he talking about?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I dunno. (realising) Oh, 'cos you said 
               you'd give the bike to
 
               
               anyone who fixes your neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               You really think he wants the bike?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               It took him like ten seconds!

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's the most he's worked in 
               the last four months.
 
               
               
               
               (George's Car)

               
               George and Susan, heading home from the restaurant. George is 
               happy,
 
               
               smiling and whistling.

               
                             GEORGE
               I think they really went for that Soda.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               What, are you crazy? They hated it. 
               They were just humouring
 
               
               you.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, alright. Believe me, that kid's 
               gonna be called Soda.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               I can tell you, I would never name my 
               child Soda.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no no no. Course not. I got a great 
               name for our kids. A
 
               
               Real original. You wanna hear what it is? Huh, you ready?

               
                             SUSAN
               Yeah.

               
               George uses his finger to draw a number 7 in the air, accompanying 
               the
 
               
               Strokes of his digit with a two-tone whistle.

               
                             SUSAN
               What is that? Sign language?

               
                             GEORGE
               No, Seven.

               
                             SUSAN
               Seven Costanza? You're serious?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy 
               or a girl...
 
               
               Susan scoffs.

               
                             GEORGE
               ...especially a girl. Or a boy.

               
                             SUSAN
               I don't think so.

               
                             GEORGE
               What, you don't like the name?

               
                             SUSAN
               It's not a name. It's a number.

               
                             GEORGE
               I know. It's Mickey Mantle's number. 
               So not only is it an all
 
               
               Around beautiful name, it is also a living tribute.

               
                             SUSAN
               It's awful. I hate it!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry) Well, that's the name!

               
                             SUSAN
               (also angry) Oh no it is not! No child 
               of mine is ever going to
 
               
               be named Seven!

               
                             GEORGE
               (yelling) Awright, let's just stay calm 
               here! Don't get all
 
               
               crazy on me!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry walks from the bathroom, talking to George, who's just 
               told him
 
               
               about his contretemps with Susan.

               
                             JERRY
               Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. 
               Seven. Seven periods of
 
               
               school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, 
               and eventually
 
               
               seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (adamant) Yes I am. I defy you to come 
               up with a better name
 
               
               than Seven.

               
               Jerry walks toward the kitchen. He sees an item on the counter.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Awright, let's see. How about Mug? (picks 
               up the mug) Mug
 
               
               Costanza, that's original. (he turns and sees another item) Or 
               uh, Ketchup?
 
               
               Pretty name for a girl.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, you having a good time there?
 
               
               
               Jerry is in the kitchen, and opens a cupboard. His eyes run over 
               the
 
               
               array of good within.

               
                             JERRY
               I got fifty right here in the cupboard. 
               How about Bisquik?
 
               
               Pimento. Gherkin. Sauce. Maxwell House.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouts) Awright already!! This is a 
               very key issue with me,
 
               
               Jerry. I had this name for a long time.

               
               Jerry comes back into the living room. A thought occurs.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I forgot to call Christie.

               
                             GEORGE
               Christie? That's the one you met in 
               the antique store?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, she had this great black and white 
               dress, with a scoop
 
               
               neck. She looked like some kinda superhero.

               
                             GEORGE
               And you met her in an antique store! 
               I don't know how you do
 
               
               it!

               
                             JERRY
               (smug) I'm not engaged.

               
               George gives Jerry a look. Kramer enters. He's carrying a small
 
               
               
               goldfish bowl, a pad and a pencil tied to the bowl by string.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, I got it.

               
                             JERRY
               Got what?

               
                             KRAMER
               (putting the items on the counter) Got 
               the answer, Jerry.
 
               
               Refrigerator problem, is solved.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's no problem. You can take whatever 
               you want.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I will. But now, I'm accountable. 
               Alright, I take what I
 
               
               want.

               
               Kramer takes a cupcake from a box on the counter.

               
                             KRAMER
               Here. I write it down. (he writes) "One 
               cupcake." And then I
 
               
               put it in the bowl. (he tears off the sheet, crumples it and 
               drops it into the
 
               
               bowl) There. Very simple.

               
                             JERRY
               Sort of a mooching inventory.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no. Not mooching. 'Cos at the end 
               of the week, you add 'em
 
               
               all up, and you give me the bill.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, now look I gotta run some errands, 
               so look. When
 
               
               Elaine comes by with that bike, you hang onto it for me, alright?
 
               
               
               George passes by as he goes to the fridge.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I don't know if you're getting 
               that bike.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yes I am. We had a verbal contract. 
               If we can't take each other
 
               
               at our word, all is lost.

               
               George has fetched a Diet Coke from the fridge. He opens it. 
               Kramer
 
               
               hears the hiss, and notices George.

               
                             KRAMER
               (waving at the bowl) Oh yeah, yeah. 
               Put that on my tab.
 
               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie have just arrived. They're both wearing long 
               coats,
 
               
               Fastened to the collar.

               
                             JERRY
               Well this is it. The food is atrocious, 
               but the busboys are the
 
               
               best in the city.

               
               A member of staff approaches.

               
                             MAITRE D'
               May I take your coat, miss?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes, thank you.

               
               The Maitre d' helps Christie to slip out of her coat, revealing 
               that
 
               
               she has on the exact same dress as she was wearing in the antique 
               store. Jerry
 
               
               looks bemused, but plasters on a fixed smile as Christie looks 
               at him.
 
               
               
               
               (Monks')

               
               Jerry and George sit in a booth, discussing the previous night. 
               George
 
               
               Fingers his chin thoughtfully.

               
                             GEORGE
               The same outfit?

               
                             JERRY
               The exact same outfit.

               
                             GEORGE
               How many days was it between encounters.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Three.

               
                             GEORGE
               Three days. Well, maybe you caught her 
               on the cusp of a new
 
               
               wash cycle. You know, she did laundry the day after she met you, 
               everything got
 
               
               clean and she started all over again.

               
                             JERRY
               Possibly, but then shouldn't the outfit 
               only reappear again at
 
               
               the end of the cycle?

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe she moved it up in the rotation.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why? It's our first date, she's already 
               in reruns?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Very curious.

               
                             JERRY
               Indeed.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know, Einstein wore the exact same 
               outfit every day.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, if she splits the atom, I'll let 
               it slide.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (picking up his coat) Awright, I'm heading 
               home.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, did Susan change her mind about 
               the name?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (standing) Not yet, but she's weakening.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, George, just because your 
               life is destroyed, don't
 
               
               Destroy someone else's.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's Mickey Mantle, Jerry. My idol.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How about 'Mickey'?

               
                             GEORGE
               'Mickey'? (incredulous) 'Mickey'!

               
               George walks away, half-laughing at Jerry's ludicrous suggestion.
 
               
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is in the fridge. Kramer enters with a slide of the feet, 
               and a
 
               
               cigar in his mouth.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy.

               
                             JERRY
               (holding up a can) Hey, is this your 
               half a can of soda in the
 
               
               fridge?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, that's yours. My half is gone.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I put my half a can here on the 
               tab. Why, what's your
 
               
               beef?

               
                             JERRY
               You cannot buy half a can of soda.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, why not.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I don't wanna get into the whole 
               physics of carbonation
 
               
               with you here, but you know the sound a can makes when you open 
               it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               That is the sound of you buying a whole 
               can. And the same goes
 
               
               for this, okay...

               
               Jerry holds up an apple, from which has been taken one large 
               bite.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...When you pierce the skin of a piece 
               of fruit, you've bought
 
               
               the whole fruit. Not a third of an apple, not a half of a banana...
 
               
               
               Jerry hold up a half banana.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright.

               
                             JERRY
               ...You bite it, you bought it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, alright. I'll make the necessary 
               adjustments, alright.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. (pointedly) So, how's the neck? 
               Nice and loose?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Lookit, Kramer, you are not getting 
               this bike. I don't even
 
               
               know why you ant it. (laughingly) I mean, it's a girl's bike.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (deadly serious) It's a verbal contract. 
               We had a deal.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No we didn't. You take these things 
               too literally. It's like
 
               
               saying,

               
               you're hungry enough to eat a horse.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider 
               eats horse all the time. He
 
               
               gets it from his butcher.

               
                             ELAINE
               This is not the point. (emphatic) The 
               point is, you just can't
 
               
               have the bike.

               
                             KRAMER
               Boy, I am really surprised at you. (opening 
               the door) You are
 
               
               the last person I figured would do something like this. I mean, 
               George, yeah, I
 
               
               can see that. Even Jerry. But not you, Elaine...

               
               Kramer holds one hand up above his head.

               
                             KRAMER
               I always put you up here...

               
               Kramer holds his other hand at about knee height.

               
                             KRAMER
               ...They're over here. Now you're... 
               aww-whawww.
 
               
               Kramer brings his first hand down to the level of the second. 
               He
 
               
               leaves, closing the door with a bang. Elaine sits, fighting with 
               her conscience. There
 
               
               is a brief pause, then the door opens again and Kramer pokes 
               in his head,
 
               
               expectantly.

               
                             ELAINE
               (grudging) Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               (points) Digidi.

               
               Kramer leaves and closes the door again.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner.

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's 
               a real original, nobody
 
               
               else is gonna have it and I absolutely love it.

               
                             SUSAN
               Well, I dunno how original it's gonna 
               be any more.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             SUSAN
               Well I was telling Carrie about our 
               argument, and when I told
 
               
               them the name, they just loved it.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, what're you saying?

               
                             SUSAN
               They're gonna name their baby Seven.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (disbelief) What?! They're stealing 
               the name?! That's my name,
 
               
               I made it up!

               
                             SUSAN
               I can't believe that they're using it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (anger) Well now it's not gonna be original! 
               It's gonna lose
 
               
               all its cachet!

               
                             SUSAN
               I dunno how much cachet it had to begin 
               with.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (rage) Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's 
               got cachet up the
 
               
               yin-yang!

               
               
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
               Elaine is in bed. She begins to move to get up. As she raises 
               herself
 
               
               from the mattress, there is a loud crunching sound. A look of 
               agony crosses her
 
               
               face.

               
                             ELAINE
               (in pain) Oh god! Oh, god. (bitter) 
               Kramer!
 
               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine walks along the street. Her neck problem means she has 
               her head
 
               
               Tipped back so far she can't see directly in front of her. A 
               guy coming the
 
               
               other way gives her a warning.

               
                             MAN
               Watch your step.

               
               Elaine collides with a litter bin which is outside her field 
               of vision.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (pain) Oh, ah. (bitter) Stupid Kramer.
 
               
               
               Christie is looking in a shop window, then she spots Elaine.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Excuse me. Elaine?

               
               Elaine, handicapped by her neck, cannot see who's speaking.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh?

               
               Christie comes over to Elaine. All Elaine can see of her is her 
               head
 
               
               and neck.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Over here. I thought that was you. You're 
               Jerry's friend,
 
               
               right?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah. Uh, Christie?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes. How y'doing?

               
                             ELAINE
               (bearing up) I'm fine.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I gotta run. It was good to see 
               you.
 
               
               Christie walks away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (after Christie) Okay, oh, it was good 
               to, good to see you.
 
               
               Kramer comes along the street, riding the Schwinn Stingray and 
               ringing
 
               
               the bell. He attracts comments from folk on the street.

               
                             VOICE 1
               Lookin' good.

               
                             VOICE 2
               Hey Cosmo, nice wheels.

               
                             KRAMER
               You got that right!

               
               A kid leans out the window of a parked Volvo.

               
                             KID
               (scorn) Hey, you're riding a girl's 
               bike.
 
               
               Kramer thumbs his nose and continues pedalling.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shouting) Kramer! Kramer!

               
               
               
               (Outside Apartment Building)

               
               George walks up to the door. He pushes the buzzer for a particular
 
               
               
               apartment.

               
                             KEN
               Hello.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello, Ken. It's George Costanza. I 
               think we need to talk.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry hears a loud knocking from the hallway.

               
                             ELAINE
               (angry shout) Kramer!

               
               Jerry opens the door to reveal Elaine hammering insistently at 
               Kramer's
 
               
               door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer!!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey

               
               Elaine turns to Jerry and gets a twinge from her neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ow! God! Is Kramer back from his little 
               joyride yet?
 
               
               Elaine enters Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Haven't seen him. How's the neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               His chiropractic job was a crock. It's 
               even worse than it was
 
               
               before.

               
               Elaine removes her bag from her back, wincing from the pain as 
               she
 
               
               moves.

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I'm surprised. (sarcasm) I would 
               think Kramer would have a
 
               
               knack for moving pieces of a person's spine around.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, you know what, I think I ran into 
               that girl from the
 
               
               antique store. What's her name, Christie?

               
                             JERRY
               You saw her? What was she wearing?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know. I couldn't see. I couldn't 
               look down because of
 
               
               my neck.

               
                             JERRY
               Didn't you get a glimpse? An impression?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you care?

               
                             JERRY
               Both times I've seen her she's worn 
               the same dress.
 
               
               There's a ringing from the Schwinn's bell, and Kramer rides it 
               into
 
               
               Jerry's apartment. He rides all around the apartment, round the 
               couch, past the
 
               
               TV and is heading for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you have a nice ride?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, great ride.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that's good. 'Cos it was your last!
 
               
               
               Elaine slams the door shut before Kramer can leave. Kramer rides
 
               
               
               straight into the door with a clatter. He falls to the ground, 
               then makes his
 
               
               stumbling way upright again.

               
                             KRAMER
               What're you talking about?! We had a 
               deal!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (anger) You better give me back that 
               bike! (indicating neck)
 
               
               Look at this! Look! Ow. I couldn't even crawl out of bed this 
               morning.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Bed? You should be sleeping on a wooden 
               board for at least a
 
               
               week.

               
                             ELAINE
               What? You never told me that.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's common sense.

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, what is he talking about? He's 
               being ridiculous.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, look. Jerry, you know the whole 
               story, you should
 
               
               settle this.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm flattered that you would both 
               appeal to my wisdom, but
 
               
               unfortunately, my friendship to each of you precludes my getting
 
               
               
               involved. What you need is an impartial mediator.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, I'd go for that. Would you go 
               for that?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'm down.

               
                             JERRY
               Course, it would have to be someone 
               who hasn't heard the story
 
               
               before. Someone who is unencumbered by any emotional attachment. 
               Someone whose
 
               
               heart is so dark, it cannot be swayed by pity, compassion, or 
               human emotion of
 
               
               any kind.

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer sit on Newman's couch. Elaine with her head 
               tilted
 
               
               back. Newman sits in his chair, his fingertips together, trying 
               to give an
 
               
               Impression of limitless wisdom.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, that's the situation.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Mmm. You present an interesting dilemma. 
               Each of you seemingly
 
               
               has a legitimate claim to the bicycle, and yet the bicycle can 
               have only one
 
               
               rightful owner. Quite the conundrum. As a federal employee, I 
               believe the law is
 
               
               all we have. (getting worked up) It's all that separates us from 
               the savages
 
               
               who don't deserve even the privilege of the daily mail. (angry) 
               Stuffing parcels
 
               
               into mailboxes where they don't belong!!...

               
                             KRAMER
               Newman!

               
               Newman catches himself, and comes back to normality.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But, you must promise That you will 
               abide by my decision, no
 
               
               Matter how unjust it may seem to either of you. Do I have your 
               word?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Alright, let's begin.

               
               Newman sits back, to begin his contemplation. There is the single
 
               
               
               'ting' of a microwave.

               
                             NEWMAN
               (excited) Ooh, my cocoa!

               
               Newman leaps to his feet and heads for his kitchen.

               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Apartment)

               
               Carrie is on the couch, with Ken sitting on the arm. George is
 
               
               
               explaining about Seven.

               
                             KEN
               Why can't we use Seven?

               
                             GEORGE
               It's my name. I made it up. You can't 
               just steal it.
 
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, it's not as if Susan's pregnant. 
               You've already postponed
 
               
               The wedding. Who knows if you'll ever get married.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, hey hey. Don't worry about me. 
               I'm not a waffler. I don't
 
               
               waffle!

               
                             KEN
               Right, we're both big Mickey Mantle 
               fans, and we love the name.
 
               
               It's very unusual.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) What happened to Soda?! I 
               thought we all agreed on
 
               
               Soda.

               
                             KEN
               (emphatic) Well, we don't care for Soda.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You don't care for Soda?!

               
                             CARRIE
               (worked up) No, no. We don't like Soda 
               at all!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) How d'you not like Soda?! 
               It's bubbly, it's
 
               
               refreshing!

               
               Carrie jumps and gives a cry.

               
                             CARRIE
               Oh!

               
                             KEN
               What is it?

               
                             CARRIE
               I felt something.

               
                             KEN
               Are you okay, honey?

               
                             CARRIE
               I think I'm going into labour.

               
               George flashes a panicked expression.

               
                             KEN
               Oh god, oh god. Okay, let's not panic. 
               Let's just get to the
 
               
               hospital...

               
               Ken and Carrie rise and head toward the door.

               
                             CARRIE
               Okay.

               
                             KEN
               ...Alright? I got the suitcase packed, 
               right here.
 
               
               Ken grabs the suitcase from by the door and they exit, hurriedly.
 
               
               
               George trails along behind them, making suggestions.

               
                             GEORGE
               What about Six?

               
               Ken gives him a look over his shoulder.

               
                             GEORGE
               Nine. Thirt... thirteen's no good.
 
               
               
               Ken has left, George follows out the door.

               
                             GEORGE
               Fourteen. (shouting after Ken) Fourteen!
 
               
               
               George closes the door behind him.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie are having dinner. Christie is eating, while 
               Jerry
 
               
               leans back picking at his meal, looking suspicious at the fact 
               that Christie is
 
               
               wearing the same black and white dress as at their two previous 
               meetings.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Are you okay, Jerry? You seem quiet.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm just a little uh, worn out.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I know exactly what you mean.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sure you do.

               
               Christie begins to season her food, with salt. Jerry chews

               
               thoughtfully.

               
                             JERRY
               What in god's name is going on here? 
               Is she wearing the
 
               
               same thing over and over again? Or does she have a closet full 
               of these, like
 
               
               Superman? I've got to unlock this mystery.

               
               Christie adds a little pepper to her dish. But after replacing 
               the
 
               
               shaker, she knocks her glass of red wine over her dress.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               (horrified) Oh my god!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
               Christie mops at the spill with her napkin, but there's only 
               so much
 
               
               you can do.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahh. I can't go to the movies like this. 
               Do you mind if we go
 
               
               back to my apartment, so I can change?

               
                             JERRY
               Change? (thoughtful) Yes, I think that's 
               a super idea.
 
               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Car)

               
               Ken is driving Carrie to the hospital. Carrie is as worked up 
               as you'd
 
               
               expect a woman in labor to be. In the back seat, George is making 
               one last
 
               
               attempt to save his name.

               
                             CARRIE
               Are we almost there?

               
                             KEN
               Just keep breathing, okay.

               
                             CARRIE
               (deep breaths) Okay, okay.

               
                             KEN
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, the thing is, 
               I kinda promised the widow
 
               
               Mantle that I would name my baby Seven.

               
               As George speaks, Ken is looking impatient and angry.

               
                             KEN
               Now's not the best time, George!

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) It's just that, I know her, 
               and boy...
 
               
                             KEN
               (firm) George! She's in labour!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry shout) So am I!

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer still sit on the couch, awaiting Newman's
 
               
               
               arbitration.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Well, you've both presented very convincing 
               arguments. On the
 
               
               one hand, Elaine, your promise was given in haste. But was it 
               not still a promise? Hmm?
 
               
               Kramer looks at Elaine, thinking his arguments have put him one 
               up.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               And, Kramer, you did provide a service 
               in exchange for
 
               
               compensation. But, does the fee, once paid, not entitle the buyer 
               to some assurance
 
               
               Of reliability? Hmm? Huh? Ahh. These were not easy questions 
               to answer.
 
               
               Not for any man...

               
               Kramer leans forward to receive the result. Elaine looks as attentive
 
               
               
               as she can while only being able to look upwards.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But I have made a decision. (revelatory) 
               We will cut the
 
               
               bike down the middle, and give half to each of you.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shout) What?! This is your solution?! 
               To ruin the bike?!
 
               
               Newman's face drops at her negative reaction. Kramer looks across 
               at
 
               
               the bike, looking worried.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, fine. Fine. Go ahead. (standing) 
               Cut the stupid thing
 
               
               in half.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, no. Give it to her. I'd rather 
               it belonged to another
 
               
               than see it destroyed. Newman, give it to her, I beg you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah, y-yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Not so fast, Elaine! Only the bike's 
               true owner would rather
 
               
               give it away than see it come to harm. Kramer, the bike is yours!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Sweet justice. Newman, you are wise.
 
               
               
               Kramer picks up the bike and climbs aboard.

               
                             ELAINE
               (frustration) But this isn't fair! Lookit, 
               my neck is still
 
               
               hurting me,

               
               and now you have the bike?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, tell it to the judge, honey. I'm 
               going for a ride.
 
               
               Kramer opens the door and rides clumsily out, ringing the bell 
               as he
 
               
               goes.

               
               
               
               (Christie's Apartment)

               
               Christie leads Jerry into her home.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Here we are.

               
                             JERRY
               (looking around) Ah, so this is the 
               Fortress of Solitude.
 
               
               Christie puts down her bag, and removes her coat.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I guess I'll go change.

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, change. By all means, change.
 
               
               
               Christie walks away down a hallway. Jerry removes his coat and 
               sits
 
               
               down. He looks around himself. On the coffee table he notices 
               a small framed
 
               
               picture of Christie and some guy. In the picture, she's wearing 
               the same black and
 
               
               White dress. Jerry picks it up and examines it more closely, 
               reading a date
 
               
               written on the photo.

               
                             JERRY
               August seventeen, nineteen-ninety-two. 
               The same dress!
 
               
               She never

               
               changes! Oh my god. (looking around) She's gotta have hundreds 
               of these
 
               
               dresses.

               
               Jerry gets up from his seat.

               
                             JERRY
               There must be a secret stash around 
               here somewhere.
 
               
               Jerry opens a closet and begins to look inside. While he's rooting
 
               
               
               about in there, Christie reenters the room, wearing a robe and 
               looking indignant
 
               
               at discovering Jerry invading her privacy.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahem! Are you looking for something?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What're you doing? I thought you were 
               changing.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               No, I, I'm thinking we should just call 
               it a night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no. C'mon, put something else on. 
               It's early, let's go out.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               If it's all the same to you, I think 
               I'm just gonna go to
 
               
               bed.

               
               Jerry moves to the couch, where he half lays down.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I'm kinda tired myself. Maybe 
               I'll just sleep here on
 
               
               The couch. Then in the morning, you'll get dressed, we'll walk 
               out
 
               
               together. Both dressed, different clothes. Well, I'll be in the 
               same clothes. You'll
 
               
               of course be in different clothes, because it's your apartment. 
               But we'll go
 
               
               downstairs, me in my same clothes, you in your different clothes.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (unequivocal) Jerry. I don't think so.
 
               
               
               Jerry picks up his coat and moves toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               You wanna throw something on and walk 
               me to a cab?
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (gesturing) Get out.

               
               Jerry walks though the door. He's still talking as Christie closes 
               it
 
               
               on him.

               
                             JERRY
               (pleading) Tell me what you're wearing 
               tomorrow. I'll help you
 
               
               lay it out on the bed.

               
               
               
               (Hospital)

               
               Carrie is in a wheelchair, being wheeled by an orderly. She's 
               doing her
 
               
               breathing. Ken hurries alongside, comforting his wife. George 
               also
 
               
               hustles along the corridor with the group.

               
                             KEN
               Okay, breathe, honey. Breathe.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, you're really 
               being very selfish. It
 
               
               would be nice if you would think of someone other than yourself 
               every now and then!
 
               
                             CARRIE
               (shouts) I'm having a baby!!

               
               The orderly pushes the wheelchair on through the door of the 
               delivery
 
               
               room. Ken turns to face George.

               
                             KEN
               George, you're not getting Seven! Now 
               get outta here!!
 
               
               Ken strides into the delivery room.

               
                             GEORGE
               (desperate) Please! I have so little!
 
               
               
               George tries to follow, but an orderly blocks his path.

               
                             ORDERLY
               Sorry sir, it's family only.

               
               The orderly closes the door on George, whose face can be seen 
               through
 
               
               The window.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm family. I'm having sex with the 
               cousin!
 
               
               George thumps his fists against the door in frustration. He's 
               crying as
 
               
               He screams.

               
                             GEORGE
               Seven!!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is on the phone, while Kramer examines a box of cereal 
               in the
 
               
               kitchen.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello, Christie? I was wondering if 
               we could get together again?
 
               
               (listens) Oh really? Well you can't break up with me over the 
               phone.
 
               
               C'mon, you gotta do this in person. It doesn't even have to be 
               one on one, you can
 
               
               bring a group of friends. I just wanna see you. Wait, don't hang 
               up on me.
 
               
               (hurriedly) Why d'you wear the same dress all the time? Hello.
 
               
               
               Defeated, Jerry hangs up the phone.

               
                             KRAMER
               (indicating the cereal) Hey, Jerry, 
               if you're gonna be snacking
 
               
               On these, you can't expect me to pay for the whole box.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright, hobo Joe. I didn't wanna put 
               a damper on your little
 
               
               Smorgasbord here, but it's the end of the week, so I added up 
               your tab.
 
               
               Jerry tears a sheet off a writing pad, and presents it to Kramer.
 
               
               
               Kramer takes a look.

               
                             KRAMER
               (does a double take) Yikes.

               
                             JERRY
               I know. Pretty steep.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I don't have this kind of cash.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Few do.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm good for it.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, well, until this bill is paid...
 
               
               
               Jerry takes back the tab, then takes the cereal out of Kramer's 
               hands.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...the food court is closed.

               
                             KRAMER
               (opening the door) Alright. I'll get 
               that money for you in five
 
               
               minutes. And, don't eat any more.

               
               Kramer leaves at a run.

               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine is walking along, when she spots something ahead of her.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, that's my bike!

               
               Along the sidewalk comes a happy-looking Newman, pedalling the 
               Schwinn
 
               
               for all he's worth. He rings the bell.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Gangway!

               
                             ELAINE
               This is my bike!

               
               Newman brakes to a halt in front of Elaine.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Oh no. No no no no. I bought it from 
               Kramer. He was hard up for
 
               
               cash. Fifty bucks! (he laughs) Can you believe it? Of course, 
               I had to make
 
               
               some minor modifications, you know. Solid tyres, reinforced seatpost, 
               heavy duty
 
               
               shocks. But, baby, this is one sweet ride.

               
               Newman begins to ride away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (chasing Newman) No, you better gimme 
               back that bike. Newman,
 
               
               gimme...

               
               Elaine grabs hold of the trailing end of Newman's scarf.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Hey!! Help me!

               
               The show ends with a freeze frame of Newman on the bike, and 
               a
 
               
               determined Elaine grasping the scarf. There are sounds of a struggle.
 
               
               
               (End)

               
               
               
               7.13 "The Seven"

               
                             EPISODE NUMBER
               123

               
                             ORIGINAL AIR DATE
               February 01, 1996

               
                             WRITTEN BY
               Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer

               
                             DIRECTED BY
               Andy Ackerman

               
                             GUEST CAST
               
               
               Ken Hudson Campbell (Ken)

               
               Shannon Holt (Carrie)

               
               Lisa Deanne (Christie)

               
               Charles Emmett (Orderly)

               
               David Richards (Maitre d')

               
               Matthew McCurley (Kid)

               
               Josh Abramson (Man #1)

               
               Steve Artiaga (Man #2)

               
               Cheryl Hunter (Woman)

               
               
               
               (Nightclub)

               
               Jerry's standup piece.

               
                             JERRY
               I love it when people are complimented 
               on something they're
 
               
               wearing and they accept the compliment as if it was about them. 
               "Nice tie." "Well,
 
               
               thank you. Thank you very much." The compliment is for the tie, 
               it's not for
 
               
               you, but we take it. That's kind of the job of clothes; to get 
               compliments for
 
               
               us, because it's very hard to get compliments based on your human
 
               
               
               qualities. Right? Let's face it, no matter how nice a person 
               you are, nobody's gonna come
 
               
               Say "Hey, nice person." It's much easier to be a bastard and 
               just try and
 
               
               match the colours up.

               
               
               
               (Antique Toy Store)

               
               Elaine and Jerry enter a store stocked with the toys of yesteryear.
 
               
               
               They look around at the array of classic teddy bears, toy boats, 
               puppets, etc.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (awed) Oh, look at this!

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I miss the days they made toys 
               that could kill a kid.
 
               
               Something on the wall catches Elaine's eye. It's an old-fashioned
 
               
               
               girl's bicycle, with high handlebars, a pink frame and a basket 
               on the front.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) Oh, cool! Look at that!

               
               Jerry looks over, but his eye is drawn more towards an attractive
 
               
               
               woman, Christie, who stands looking at the toys. She's wearing 
               a dress of
 
               
               mid-thigh length, black from the bottom of the ribs down, and 
               white on the chest
 
               
               and arms.

               
                             JERRY
               (admiring Christie) Yeah, I'm right 
               there with ya.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) That is a Schwinn Stingray! 
               And it's the girl's
 
               
               model! Oh, I always wanted one of these when I was little.

               
               Christie leaves her examination of the toys on that side of the 
               store,
 
               
               and walks over to some other items. Jerry watches her as she 
               goes, she notices
 
               
               and smiles and flirtatious looks are exchanged. Jerry is oblivious 
               to Elaine's
 
               
               voice.

               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think Jerry? Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               (tearing himself away from Christie) 
               Huh?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, be great for your paper route.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (laughs) I love it. I'm getting it.
 
               
               
               Elaine reaches for the bike, as Jerry turns back to Christie.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Can you help me get it down, Jer? Jerry.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I think your friend needs some help 
               over there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, the only way to really help 
               her is to just let her be.
 
               
               Elaine gives up on Jerry assisting her and tries to lift the 
               bike off
 
               
               the wall on her own. But as she raises it, the weight proves 
               too much and she
 
               
               falls backwards, ending up on her back on the floor with the 
               bike pinning her
 
               
               down. She struggles to lift it, but can't make much impression, 
               so she rings
 
               
               the bell on the bike. Jerry finally has his attention drawn away 
               from Christie.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
               Elaine makes 'So, are you gonna help me?' gestures.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner with Ken and Carrie. Carrie 
               is
 
               
               Heavily pregnant. George is eating spaghetti with his usual decorum.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               A little baby girl?

               
                             KEN
               Doctor says it could be any day now.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (through mouthful of food) So, Carrie, 
               you and Susan are
 
               
               cousins. So your baby daughter is gonna be Susan's second cousin, 
               right? So what
 
               
               does that make me?

               
                             CARRIE
               Doesn't make you anything.

               
                             GEORGE
               (jokingly) Well, so, legally, I could 
               marry your daughter.
 
               
               George laughs and shovels another load of pasta into his mouth. 
               Ken and
 
               
               Carrie look perturbed.

               
                             SUSAN
               So, have you picked out a name yet?
 
               
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, we've narrowed it down to a few. 
               We like Kimberley.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Aww.

               
                             GEORGE
               (negative) Hu-ho, boy.

               
                             KEN
               You don't like Kimberley?

               
                             GEORGE
               Ech. What else you got?

               
                             KEN
               How about Joan?

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon, I'm eating here.

               
                             SUSAN
               (warning) George!

               
                             CARRIE
               Pamela?

               
                             GEORGE
               Pamela?! Awright, I tell you what. You 
               look like nice people,
 
               
               I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.

               
                             KEN
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.

               
                             CARRIE
               I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               All names sound strange the first time 
               you hear 'em. What, you
 
               
               Telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they 
               heard it?
 
               
                             KEN
               Yeah, but uh... Soda?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, that's right. It's working.

               
                             CARRIE
               We'll put it on the list.

               
                             GEORGE
               I solve problems. That's just what I 
               do.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry sits in front of the TV, while in the kitchen Kramer is 
               building
 
               
               A sandwich of epic proportions. He hums to himself as he piles 
               sliced
 
               
               meat onto bread. Jerry looks over at him, looking somewhat irritated 
               by the way
 
               
               Kramer's demolishing his food stocks.

               
                             KRAMER
               (sniffing a slice of meat) Yeah, oh 
               boy. Mmm, that's good.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're really going to town with that 
               turkey there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, I got a big appetite.

               
               Kramer goes to the fridge and looks inside.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uhh, Jerry, you got no mustard, huh.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's on the door.

               
                             KRAMER
               (examining a yellow squeeze bottle) 
               What, this yellow stuff?
 
               
               No, I said mustard, Jerry. Dijon.

               
               Kramer waves away the squeezy option and shuts the fridge.

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, 's no good.

               
               Kramer goes back to his sandwich, puts the second slice of bread 
               on,
 
               
               and takes a bite. It doesn't meet with his approval. He spits 
               out the mouthful he's
 
               
               taken onto the plate, and dumps the rest of the sandwich next 
               to it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No. That's bush league.

               
               Kramer heads toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, hey. Wha... wait... what, you're 
               gonna leave it there?
 
               
               That's like half a pound of turkey!

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, I can't eat that. You can't 
               eat a sandwich without
 
               
               Dijon.

               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, you're right. I really 
               should keep more of your
 
               
               favourites on hand.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. 
               What, are you unhappy
 
               
               with our arrangement?

               
                             JERRY
               What arrangement?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I was under the impression that 
               I could take anything I
 
               
               Wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want 
               from mine.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, well, lemme know when 
               you get something in there
 
               
               and I will.

               
               Elaine enters. She has her head leaning over to the left, and 
               she's
 
               
               Moving carefully, like it's giving her pain.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. What's with your neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               Still killing me from having to get 
               that bike off the wall.
 
               
               (pointedly) By myself.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, if it's any consolation, I did 
               get her number.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (sitting) Ah, I think I really strained 
               it. Ow.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aw, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you 
               pulled it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ach, maybe.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you twist it? You coulda twisted 
               it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe 
               you squeezed it. Turned
 
               
               it...

               
                             ELAINE
               (patience exhausted) You know what, 
               why don't you just shut the
 
               
               hell up?

               
                             JERRY
               Awright.

               
                             ELAINE
               God. Man, this is killing me. Right 
               now, I would give that bike
 
               
               to the first person who could make this pain go away.

               
                             KRAMER
               Aw, you really hurting, huh?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Kramer, it's just awful.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh hmm. Well, your arterioles have constricted.
 
               
               
               Kramer walks around behind the seated Elaine, and reaches for 
               her neck.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, lean forward, relax.

               
                             ELAINE
               (worried) What? What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Encounter shiatsu.

               
               Kramer begins to work at Elaine's neck with his thumbs.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wait a minute. Kramer, you know what 
               you're doing here?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (continuing to work) Ohh yeah. A wise 
               man once taught me the
 
               
               Healing power of the body's natural pressure points.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ah hah.

               
                             KRAMER
               (to Jerry) He sells tee-shirts outside 
               the World Trade Centre.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (seriously worried) Wha...?

               
                             KRAMER
               He's a genius. Here we go...

               
               Kramer takes a firm grip of each side of Elaine's head. Elaine 
               looks
 
               
               Really worried now. She grabs a hold of Jerry's shirt and the 
               arm of the
 
               
               couch, and her feet stamp on the floor.

               
                             KRAMER
               From pain, will come pleasure.

               
               Kramer violently twists Elaine's head to the left. There's a 
               loud
 
               
               Crunching sound, and Elaine cries out in shock. Kramer lets go 
               of her head and
 
               
               steps away, job done.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh? Voila.

               
                             ELAINE
               (pleasantly surprised) Oh my god!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine rolls her head around, completely comfortable.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wow! That is unbelievable. The pain 
               is totally gone!
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's even more amazing is his formal 
               training is in
 
               
               paediatrics.

               
                             KRAMER
               Awright, my work is done here.

               
               Kramer heads for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               (big smile) Oh man! Kramer, thank you!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (closing the door) Yeah, you can send 
               that bike over any time.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (after Kramer) What? (to Jerry) What, 
               what is he talking about?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I dunno. (realising) Oh, 'cos you said 
               you'd give the bike to
 
               
               anyone who fixes your neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               You really think he wants the bike?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               It took him like ten seconds!

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's the most he's worked in 
               the last four months.
 
               
               
               
               (George's Car)

               
               George and Susan, heading home from the restaurant. George is 
               happy,
 
               
               smiling and whistling.

               
                             GEORGE
               I think they really went for that Soda.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               What, are you crazy? They hated it. 
               They were just humouring
 
               
               you.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, alright. Believe me, that kid's 
               gonna be called Soda.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               I can tell you, I would never name my 
               child Soda.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no no no. Course not. I got a great 
               name for our kids. A
 
               
               Real original. You wanna hear what it is? Huh, you ready?

               
                             SUSAN
               Yeah.

               
               George uses his finger to draw a number 7 in the air, accompanying 
               the
 
               
               Strokes of his digit with a two-tone whistle.

               
                             SUSAN
               What is that? Sign language?

               
                             GEORGE
               No, Seven.

               
                             SUSAN
               Seven Costanza? You're serious?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy 
               or a girl...
 
               
               Susan scoffs.

               
                             GEORGE
               ...especially a girl. Or a boy.

               
                             SUSAN
               I don't think so.

               
                             GEORGE
               What, you don't like the name?

               
                             SUSAN
               It's not a name. It's a number.

               
                             GEORGE
               I know. It's Mickey Mantle's number. 
               So not only is it an all
 
               
               Around beautiful name, it is also a living tribute.

               
                             SUSAN
               It's awful. I hate it!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry) Well, that's the name!

               
                             SUSAN
               (also angry) Oh no it is not! No child 
               of mine is ever going to
 
               
               be named Seven!

               
                             GEORGE
               (yelling) Awright, let's just stay calm 
               here! Don't get all
 
               
               crazy on me!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry walks from the bathroom, talking to George, who's just 
               told him
 
               
               about his contretemps with Susan.

               
                             JERRY
               Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. 
               Seven. Seven periods of
 
               
               school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, 
               and eventually
 
               
               seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (adamant) Yes I am. I defy you to come 
               up with a better name
 
               
               than Seven.

               
               Jerry walks toward the kitchen. He sees an item on the counter.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Awright, let's see. How about Mug? (picks 
               up the mug) Mug
 
               
               Costanza, that's original. (he turns and sees another item) Or 
               uh, Ketchup?
 
               
               Pretty name for a girl.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, you having a good time there?
 
               
               
               Jerry is in the kitchen, and opens a cupboard. His eyes run over 
               the
 
               
               array of good within.

               
                             JERRY
               I got fifty right here in the cupboard. 
               How about Bisquik?
 
               
               Pimento. Gherkin. Sauce. Maxwell House.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouts) Awright already!! This is a 
               very key issue with me,
 
               
               Jerry. I had this name for a long time.

               
               Jerry comes back into the living room. A thought occurs.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I forgot to call Christie.

               
                             GEORGE
               Christie? That's the one you met in 
               the antique store?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, she had this great black and white 
               dress, with a scoop
 
               
               neck. She looked like some kinda superhero.

               
                             GEORGE
               And you met her in an antique store! 
               I don't know how you do
 
               
               it!

               
                             JERRY
               (smug) I'm not engaged.

               
               George gives Jerry a look. Kramer enters. He's carrying a small
 
               
               
               goldfish bowl, a pad and a pencil tied to the bowl by string.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, I got it.

               
                             JERRY
               Got what?

               
                             KRAMER
               (putting the items on the counter) Got 
               the answer, Jerry.
 
               
               Refrigerator problem, is solved.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's no problem. You can take whatever 
               you want.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I will. But now, I'm accountable. 
               Alright, I take what I
 
               
               want.

               
               Kramer takes a cupcake from a box on the counter.

               
                             KRAMER
               Here. I write it down. (he writes) "One 
               cupcake." And then I
 
               
               put it in the bowl. (he tears off the sheet, crumples it and 
               drops it into the
 
               
               bowl) There. Very simple.

               
                             JERRY
               Sort of a mooching inventory.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no. Not mooching. 'Cos at the end 
               of the week, you add 'em
 
               
               all up, and you give me the bill.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, now look I gotta run some errands, 
               so look. When
 
               
               Elaine comes by with that bike, you hang onto it for me, alright?
 
               
               
               George passes by as he goes to the fridge.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I don't know if you're getting 
               that bike.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yes I am. We had a verbal contract. 
               If we can't take each other
 
               
               at our word, all is lost.

               
               George has fetched a Diet Coke from the fridge. He opens it. 
               Kramer
 
               
               hears the hiss, and notices George.

               
                             KRAMER
               (waving at the bowl) Oh yeah, yeah. 
               Put that on my tab.
 
               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie have just arrived. They're both wearing long 
               coats,
 
               
               Fastened to the collar.

               
                             JERRY
               Well this is it. The food is atrocious, 
               but the busboys are the
 
               
               best in the city.

               
               A member of staff approaches.

               
                             MAITRE D'
               May I take your coat, miss?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes, thank you.

               
               The Maitre d' helps Christie to slip out of her coat, revealing 
               that
 
               
               she has on the exact same dress as she was wearing in the antique 
               store. Jerry
 
               
               looks bemused, but plasters on a fixed smile as Christie looks 
               at him.
 
               
               
               
               (Monks')

               
               Jerry and George sit in a booth, discussing the previous night. 
               George
 
               
               Fingers his chin thoughtfully.

               
                             GEORGE
               The same outfit?

               
                             JERRY
               The exact same outfit.

               
                             GEORGE
               How many days was it between encounters.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Three.

               
                             GEORGE
               Three days. Well, maybe you caught her 
               on the cusp of a new
 
               
               wash cycle. You know, she did laundry the day after she met you, 
               everything got
 
               
               clean and she started all over again.

               
                             JERRY
               Possibly, but then shouldn't the outfit 
               only reappear again at
 
               
               the end of the cycle?

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe she moved it up in the rotation.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why? It's our first date, she's already 
               in reruns?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Very curious.

               
                             JERRY
               Indeed.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know, Einstein wore the exact same 
               outfit every day.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, if she splits the atom, I'll let 
               it slide.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (picking up his coat) Awright, I'm heading 
               home.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, did Susan change her mind about 
               the name?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (standing) Not yet, but she's weakening.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, George, just because your 
               life is destroyed, don't
 
               
               Destroy someone else's.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's Mickey Mantle, Jerry. My idol.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How about 'Mickey'?

               
                             GEORGE
               'Mickey'? (incredulous) 'Mickey'!

               
               George walks away, half-laughing at Jerry's ludicrous suggestion.
 
               
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is in the fridge. Kramer enters with a slide of the feet, 
               and a
 
               
               cigar in his mouth.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy.

               
                             JERRY
               (holding up a can) Hey, is this your 
               half a can of soda in the
 
               
               fridge?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, that's yours. My half is gone.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I put my half a can here on the 
               tab. Why, what's your
 
               
               beef?

               
                             JERRY
               You cannot buy half a can of soda.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, why not.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I don't wanna get into the whole 
               physics of carbonation
 
               
               with you here, but you know the sound a can makes when you open 
               it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               That is the sound of you buying a whole 
               can. And the same goes
 
               
               for this, okay...

               
               Jerry holds up an apple, from which has been taken one large 
               bite.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...When you pierce the skin of a piece 
               of fruit, you've bought
 
               
               the whole fruit. Not a third of an apple, not a half of a banana...
 
               
               
               Jerry hold up a half banana.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright.

               
                             JERRY
               ...You bite it, you bought it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, alright. I'll make the necessary 
               adjustments, alright.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. (pointedly) So, how's the neck? 
               Nice and loose?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Lookit, Kramer, you are not getting 
               this bike. I don't even
 
               
               know why you ant it. (laughingly) I mean, it's a girl's bike.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (deadly serious) It's a verbal contract. 
               We had a deal.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No we didn't. You take these things 
               too literally. It's like
 
               
               saying,

               
               you're hungry enough to eat a horse.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider 
               eats horse all the time. He
 
               
               gets it from his butcher.

               
                             ELAINE
               This is not the point. (emphatic) The 
               point is, you just can't
 
               
               have the bike.

               
                             KRAMER
               Boy, I am really surprised at you. (opening 
               the door) You are
 
               
               the last person I figured would do something like this. I mean, 
               George, yeah, I
 
               
               can see that. Even Jerry. But not you, Elaine...

               
               Kramer holds one hand up above his head.

               
                             KRAMER
               I always put you up here...

               
               Kramer holds his other hand at about knee height.

               
                             KRAMER
               ...They're over here. Now you're... 
               aww-whawww.
 
               
               Kramer brings his first hand down to the level of the second. 
               He
 
               
               leaves, closing the door with a bang. Elaine sits, fighting with 
               her conscience. There
 
               
               is a brief pause, then the door opens again and Kramer pokes 
               in his head,
 
               
               expectantly.

               
                             ELAINE
               (grudging) Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               (points) Digidi.

               
               Kramer leaves and closes the door again.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner.

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's 
               a real original, nobody
 
               
               else is gonna have it and I absolutely love it.

               
                             SUSAN
               Well, I dunno how original it's gonna 
               be any more.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             SUSAN
               Well I was telling Carrie about our 
               argument, and when I told
 
               
               them the name, they just loved it.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, what're you saying?

               
                             SUSAN
               They're gonna name their baby Seven.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (disbelief) What?! They're stealing 
               the name?! That's my name,
 
               
               I made it up!

               
                             SUSAN
               I can't believe that they're using it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (anger) Well now it's not gonna be original! 
               It's gonna lose
 
               
               all its cachet!

               
                             SUSAN
               I dunno how much cachet it had to begin 
               with.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (rage) Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's 
               got cachet up the
 
               
               yin-yang!

               
               
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
               Elaine is in bed. She begins to move to get up. As she raises 
               herself
 
               
               from the mattress, there is a loud crunching sound. A look of 
               agony crosses her
 
               
               face.

               
                             ELAINE
               (in pain) Oh god! Oh, god. (bitter) 
               Kramer!
 
               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine walks along the street. Her neck problem means she has 
               her head
 
               
               Tipped back so far she can't see directly in front of her. A 
               guy coming the
 
               
               other way gives her a warning.

               
                             MAN
               Watch your step.

               
               Elaine collides with a litter bin which is outside her field 
               of vision.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (pain) Oh, ah. (bitter) Stupid Kramer.
 
               
               
               Christie is looking in a shop window, then she spots Elaine.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Excuse me. Elaine?

               
               Elaine, handicapped by her neck, cannot see who's speaking.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh?

               
               Christie comes over to Elaine. All Elaine can see of her is her 
               head
 
               
               and neck.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Over here. I thought that was you. You're 
               Jerry's friend,
 
               
               right?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah. Uh, Christie?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes. How y'doing?

               
                             ELAINE
               (bearing up) I'm fine.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I gotta run. It was good to see 
               you.
 
               
               Christie walks away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (after Christie) Okay, oh, it was good 
               to, good to see you.
 
               
               Kramer comes along the street, riding the Schwinn Stingray and 
               ringing
 
               
               the bell. He attracts comments from folk on the street.

               
                             VOICE 1
               Lookin' good.

               
                             VOICE 2
               Hey Cosmo, nice wheels.

               
                             KRAMER
               You got that right!

               
               A kid leans out the window of a parked Volvo.

               
                             KID
               (scorn) Hey, you're riding a girl's 
               bike.
 
               
               Kramer thumbs his nose and continues pedalling.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shouting) Kramer! Kramer!

               
               
               
               (Outside Apartment Building)

               
               George walks up to the door. He pushes the buzzer for a particular
 
               
               
               apartment.

               
                             KEN
               Hello.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello, Ken. It's George Costanza. I 
               think we need to talk.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry hears a loud knocking from the hallway.

               
                             ELAINE
               (angry shout) Kramer!

               
               Jerry opens the door to reveal Elaine hammering insistently at 
               Kramer's
 
               
               door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer!!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey

               
               Elaine turns to Jerry and gets a twinge from her neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ow! God! Is Kramer back from his little 
               joyride yet?
 
               
               Elaine enters Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Haven't seen him. How's the neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               His chiropractic job was a crock. It's 
               even worse than it was
 
               
               before.

               
               Elaine removes her bag from her back, wincing from the pain as 
               she
 
               
               moves.

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I'm surprised. (sarcasm) I would 
               think Kramer would have a
 
               
               knack for moving pieces of a person's spine around.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, you know what, I think I ran into 
               that girl from the
 
               
               antique store. What's her name, Christie?

               
                             JERRY
               You saw her? What was she wearing?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know. I couldn't see. I couldn't 
               look down because of
 
               
               my neck.

               
                             JERRY
               Didn't you get a glimpse? An impression?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you care?

               
                             JERRY
               Both times I've seen her she's worn 
               the same dress.
 
               
               There's a ringing from the Schwinn's bell, and Kramer rides it 
               into
 
               
               Jerry's apartment. He rides all around the apartment, round the 
               couch, past the
 
               
               TV and is heading for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you have a nice ride?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, great ride.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that's good. 'Cos it was your last!
 
               
               
               Elaine slams the door shut before Kramer can leave. Kramer rides
 
               
               
               straight into the door with a clatter. He falls to the ground, 
               then makes his
 
               
               stumbling way upright again.

               
                             KRAMER
               What're you talking about?! We had a 
               deal!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (anger) You better give me back that 
               bike! (indicating neck)
 
               
               Look at this! Look! Ow. I couldn't even crawl out of bed this 
               morning.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Bed? You should be sleeping on a wooden 
               board for at least a
 
               
               week.

               
                             ELAINE
               What? You never told me that.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's common sense.

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, what is he talking about? He's 
               being ridiculous.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, look. Jerry, you know the whole 
               story, you should
 
               
               settle this.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm flattered that you would both 
               appeal to my wisdom, but
 
               
               unfortunately, my friendship to each of you precludes my getting
 
               
               
               involved. What you need is an impartial mediator.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, I'd go for that. Would you go 
               for that?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'm down.

               
                             JERRY
               Course, it would have to be someone 
               who hasn't heard the story
 
               
               before. Someone who is unencumbered by any emotional attachment. 
               Someone whose
 
               
               heart is so dark, it cannot be swayed by pity, compassion, or 
               human emotion of
 
               
               any kind.

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer sit on Newman's couch. Elaine with her head 
               tilted
 
               
               back. Newman sits in his chair, his fingertips together, trying 
               to give an
 
               
               Impression of limitless wisdom.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, that's the situation.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Mmm. You present an interesting dilemma. 
               Each of you seemingly
 
               
               has a legitimate claim to the bicycle, and yet the bicycle can 
               have only one
 
               
               rightful owner. Quite the conundrum. As a federal employee, I 
               believe the law is
 
               
               all we have. (getting worked up) It's all that separates us from 
               the savages
 
               
               who don't deserve even the privilege of the daily mail. (angry) 
               Stuffing parcels
 
               
               into mailboxes where they don't belong!!...

               
                             KRAMER
               Newman!

               
               Newman catches himself, and comes back to normality.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But, you must promise That you will 
               abide by my decision, no
 
               
               Matter how unjust it may seem to either of you. Do I have your 
               word?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Alright, let's begin.

               
               Newman sits back, to begin his contemplation. There is the single
 
               
               
               'ting' of a microwave.

               
                             NEWMAN
               (excited) Ooh, my cocoa!

               
               Newman leaps to his feet and heads for his kitchen.

               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Apartment)

               
               Carrie is on the couch, with Ken sitting on the arm. George is
 
               
               
               explaining about Seven.

               
                             KEN
               Why can't we use Seven?

               
                             GEORGE
               It's my name. I made it up. You can't 
               just steal it.
 
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, it's not as if Susan's pregnant. 
               You've already postponed
 
               
               The wedding. Who knows if you'll ever get married.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, hey hey. Don't worry about me. 
               I'm not a waffler. I don't
 
               
               waffle!

               
                             KEN
               Right, we're both big Mickey Mantle 
               fans, and we love the name.
 
               
               It's very unusual.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) What happened to Soda?! I 
               thought we all agreed on
 
               
               Soda.

               
                             KEN
               (emphatic) Well, we don't care for Soda.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You don't care for Soda?!

               
                             CARRIE
               (worked up) No, no. We don't like Soda 
               at all!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) How d'you not like Soda?! 
               It's bubbly, it's
 
               
               refreshing!

               
               Carrie jumps and gives a cry.

               
                             CARRIE
               Oh!

               
                             KEN
               What is it?

               
                             CARRIE
               I felt something.

               
                             KEN
               Are you okay, honey?

               
                             CARRIE
               I think I'm going into labour.

               
               George flashes a panicked expression.

               
                             KEN
               Oh god, oh god. Okay, let's not panic. 
               Let's just get to the
 
               
               hospital...

               
               Ken and Carrie rise and head toward the door.

               
                             CARRIE
               Okay.

               
                             KEN
               ...Alright? I got the suitcase packed, 
               right here.
 
               
               Ken grabs the suitcase from by the door and they exit, hurriedly.
 
               
               
               George trails along behind them, making suggestions.

               
                             GEORGE
               What about Six?

               
               Ken gives him a look over his shoulder.

               
                             GEORGE
               Nine. Thirt... thirteen's no good.
 
               
               
               Ken has left, George follows out the door.

               
                             GEORGE
               Fourteen. (shouting after Ken) Fourteen!
 
               
               
               George closes the door behind him.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie are having dinner. Christie is eating, while 
               Jerry
 
               
               leans back picking at his meal, looking suspicious at the fact 
               that Christie is
 
               
               wearing the same black and white dress as at their two previous 
               meetings.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Are you okay, Jerry? You seem quiet.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm just a little uh, worn out.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I know exactly what you mean.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sure you do.

               
               Christie begins to season her food, with salt. Jerry chews

               
               thoughtfully.

               
                             JERRY
               What in god's name is going on here? 
               Is she wearing the
 
               
               same thing over and over again? Or does she have a closet full 
               of these, like
 
               
               Superman? I've got to unlock this mystery.

               
               Christie adds a little pepper to her dish. But after replacing 
               the
 
               
               shaker, she knocks her glass of red wine over her dress.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               (horrified) Oh my god!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
               Christie mops at the spill with her napkin, but there's only 
               so much
 
               
               you can do.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahh. I can't go to the movies like this. 
               Do you mind if we go
 
               
               back to my apartment, so I can change?

               
                             JERRY
               Change? (thoughtful) Yes, I think that's 
               a super idea.
 
               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Car)

               
               Ken is driving Carrie to the hospital. Carrie is as worked up 
               as you'd
 
               
               expect a woman in labor to be. In the back seat, George is making 
               one last
 
               
               attempt to save his name.

               
                             CARRIE
               Are we almost there?

               
                             KEN
               Just keep breathing, okay.

               
                             CARRIE
               (deep breaths) Okay, okay.

               
                             KEN
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, the thing is, 
               I kinda promised the widow
 
               
               Mantle that I would name my baby Seven.

               
               As George speaks, Ken is looking impatient and angry.

               
                             KEN
               Now's not the best time, George!

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) It's just that, I know her, 
               and boy...
 
               
                             KEN
               (firm) George! She's in labour!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry shout) So am I!

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer still sit on the couch, awaiting Newman's
 
               
               
               arbitration.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Well, you've both presented very convincing 
               arguments. On the
 
               
               one hand, Elaine, your promise was given in haste. But was it 
               not still a promise? Hmm?
 
               
               Kramer looks at Elaine, thinking his arguments have put him one 
               up.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               And, Kramer, you did provide a service 
               in exchange for
 
               
               compensation. But, does the fee, once paid, not entitle the buyer 
               to some assurance
 
               
               Of reliability? Hmm? Huh? Ahh. These were not easy questions 
               to answer.
 
               
               Not for any man...

               
               Kramer leans forward to receive the result. Elaine looks as attentive
 
               
               
               as she can while only being able to look upwards.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But I have made a decision. (revelatory) 
               We will cut the
 
               
               bike down the middle, and give half to each of you.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shout) What?! This is your solution?! 
               To ruin the bike?!
 
               
               Newman's face drops at her negative reaction. Kramer looks across 
               at
 
               
               the bike, looking worried.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, fine. Fine. Go ahead. (standing) 
               Cut the stupid thing
 
               
               in half.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, no. Give it to her. I'd rather 
               it belonged to another
 
               
               than see it destroyed. Newman, give it to her, I beg you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah, y-yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Not so fast, Elaine! Only the bike's 
               true owner would rather
 
               
               give it away than see it come to harm. Kramer, the bike is yours!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Sweet justice. Newman, you are wise.
 
               
               
               Kramer picks up the bike and climbs aboard.

               
                             ELAINE
               (frustration) But this isn't fair! Lookit, 
               my neck is still
 
               
               hurting me,

               
               and now you have the bike?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, tell it to the judge, honey. I'm 
               going for a ride.
 
               
               Kramer opens the door and rides clumsily out, ringing the bell 
               as he
 
               
               goes.

               
               
               
               (Christie's Apartment)

               
               Christie leads Jerry into her home.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Here we are.

               
                             JERRY
               (looking around) Ah, so this is the 
               Fortress of Solitude.
 
               
               Christie puts down her bag, and removes her coat.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I guess I'll go change.

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, change. By all means, change.
 
               
               
               Christie walks away down a hallway. Jerry removes his coat and 
               sits
 
               
               down. He looks around himself. On the coffee table he notices 
               a small framed
 
               
               picture of Christie and some guy. In the picture, she's wearing 
               the same black and
 
               
               White dress. Jerry picks it up and examines it more closely, 
               reading a date
 
               
               written on the photo.

               
                             JERRY
               August seventeen, nineteen-ninety-two. 
               The same dress!
 
               
               She never

               
               changes! Oh my god. (looking around) She's gotta have hundreds 
               of these
 
               
               dresses.

               
               Jerry gets up from his seat.

               
                             JERRY
               There must be a secret stash around 
               here somewhere.
 
               
               Jerry opens a closet and begins to look inside. While he's rooting
 
               
               
               about in there, Christie reenters the room, wearing a robe and 
               looking indignant
 
               
               at discovering Jerry invading her privacy.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahem! Are you looking for something?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What're you doing? I thought you were 
               changing.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               No, I, I'm thinking we should just call 
               it a night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no. C'mon, put something else on. 
               It's early, let's go out.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               If it's all the same to you, I think 
               I'm just gonna go to
 
               
               bed.

               
               Jerry moves to the couch, where he half lays down.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I'm kinda tired myself. Maybe 
               I'll just sleep here on
 
               
               The couch. Then in the morning, you'll get dressed, we'll walk 
               out
 
               
               together. Both dressed, different clothes. Well, I'll be in the 
               same clothes. You'll
 
               
               of course be in different clothes, because it's your apartment. 
               But we'll go
 
               
               downstairs, me in my same clothes, you in your different clothes.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (unequivocal) Jerry. I don't think so.
 
               
               
               Jerry picks up his coat and moves toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               You wanna throw something on and walk 
               me to a cab?
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (gesturing) Get out.

               
               Jerry walks though the door. He's still talking as Christie closes 
               it
 
               
               on him.

               
                             JERRY
               (pleading) Tell me what you're wearing 
               tomorrow. I'll help you
 
               
               lay it out on the bed.

               
               
               
               (Hospital)

               
               Carrie is in a wheelchair, being wheeled by an orderly. She's 
               doing her
 
               
               breathing. Ken hurries alongside, comforting his wife. George 
               also
 
               
               hustles along the corridor with the group.

               
                             KEN
               Okay, breathe, honey. Breathe.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, you're really 
               being very selfish. It
 
               
               would be nice if you would think of someone other than yourself 
               every now and then!
 
               
                             CARRIE
               (shouts) I'm having a baby!!

               
               The orderly pushes the wheelchair on through the door of the 
               delivery
 
               
               room. Ken turns to face George.

               
                             KEN
               George, you're not getting Seven! Now 
               get outta here!!
 
               
               Ken strides into the delivery room.

               
                             GEORGE
               (desperate) Please! I have so little!
 
               
               
               George tries to follow, but an orderly blocks his path.

               
                             ORDERLY
               Sorry sir, it's family only.

               
               The orderly closes the door on George, whose face can be seen 
               through
 
               
               The window.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm family. I'm having sex with the 
               cousin!
 
               
               George thumps his fists against the door in frustration. He's 
               crying as
 
               
               He screams.

               
                             GEORGE
               Seven!!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is on the phone, while Kramer examines a box of cereal 
               in the
 
               
               kitchen.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello, Christie? I was wondering if 
               we could get together again?
 
               
               (listens) Oh really? Well you can't break up with me over the 
               phone.
 
               
               C'mon, you gotta do this in person. It doesn't even have to be 
               one on one, you can
 
               
               bring a group of friends. I just wanna see you. Wait, don't hang 
               up on me.
 
               
               (hurriedly) Why d'you wear the same dress all the time? Hello.
 
               
               
               Defeated, Jerry hangs up the phone.

               
                             KRAMER
               (indicating the cereal) Hey, Jerry, 
               if you're gonna be snacking
 
               
               On these, you can't expect me to pay for the whole box.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright, hobo Joe. I didn't wanna put 
               a damper on your little
 
               
               Smorgasbord here, but it's the end of the week, so I added up 
               your tab.
 
               
               Jerry tears a sheet off a writing pad, and presents it to Kramer.
 
               
               
               Kramer takes a look.

               
                             KRAMER
               (does a double take) Yikes.

               
                             JERRY
               I know. Pretty steep.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I don't have this kind of cash.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Few do.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm good for it.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, well, until this bill is paid...
 
               
               
               Jerry takes back the tab, then takes the cereal out of Kramer's 
               hands.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...the food court is closed.

               
                             KRAMER
               (opening the door) Alright. I'll get 
               that money for you in five
 
               
               minutes. And, don't eat any more.

               
               Kramer leaves at a run.

               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine is walking along, when she spots something ahead of her.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, that's my bike!

               
               Along the sidewalk comes a happy-looking Newman, pedalling the 
               Schwinn
 
               
               for all he's worth. He rings the bell.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Gangway!

               
                             ELAINE
               This is my bike!

               
               Newman brakes to a halt in front of Elaine.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Oh no. No no no no. I bought it from 
               Kramer. He was hard up for
 
               
               cash. Fifty bucks! (he laughs) Can you believe it? Of course, 
               I had to make
 
               
               some minor modifications, you know. Solid tyres, reinforced seatpost, 
               heavy duty
 
               
               shocks. But, baby, this is one sweet ride.

               
               Newman begins to ride away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (chasing Newman) No, you better gimme 
               back that bike. Newman,
 
               
               gimme...

               
               Elaine grabs hold of the trailing end of Newman's scarf.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Hey!! Help me!

               
               The show ends with a freeze frame of Newman on the bike, and 
               a
 
               
               determined Elaine grasping the scarf. There are sounds of a struggle.
 
               
               
               (End),

               
               
               
               7.13 "The Seven"

               
                             EPISODE NUMBER
               123

               
                             ORIGINAL AIR DATE
               February 01, 1996

               
                             WRITTEN BY
               Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer

               
                             DIRECTED BY
               Andy Ackerman

               
                             GUEST CAST
               
               
               Ken Hudson Campbell (Ken)

               
               Shannon Holt (Carrie)

               
               Lisa Deanne (Christie)

               
               Charles Emmett (Orderly)

               
               David Richards (Maitre d')

               
               Matthew McCurley (Kid)

               
               Josh Abramson (Man #1)

               
               Steve Artiaga (Man #2)

               
               Cheryl Hunter (Woman)

               
               
               
               (Nightclub)

               
               Jerry's standup piece.

               
                             JERRY
               I love it when people are complimented 
               on something they're
 
               
               wearing and they accept the compliment as if it was about them. 
               "Nice tie." "Well,
 
               
               thank you. Thank you very much." The compliment is for the tie, 
               it's not for
 
               
               you, but we take it. That's kind of the job of clothes; to get 
               compliments for
 
               
               us, because it's very hard to get compliments based on your human
 
               
               
               qualities. Right? Let's face it, no matter how nice a person 
               you are, nobody's gonna come
 
               
               Say "Hey, nice person." It's much easier to be a bastard and 
               just try and
 
               
               match the colours up.

               
               
               
               (Antique Toy Store)

               
               Elaine and Jerry enter a store stocked with the toys of yesteryear.
 
               
               
               They look around at the array of classic teddy bears, toy boats, 
               puppets, etc.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (awed) Oh, look at this!

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I miss the days they made toys 
               that could kill a kid.
 
               
               Something on the wall catches Elaine's eye. It's an old-fashioned
 
               
               
               girl's bicycle, with high handlebars, a pink frame and a basket 
               on the front.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) Oh, cool! Look at that!

               
               Jerry looks over, but his eye is drawn more towards an attractive
 
               
               
               woman, Christie, who stands looking at the toys. She's wearing 
               a dress of
 
               
               mid-thigh length, black from the bottom of the ribs down, and 
               white on the chest
 
               
               and arms.

               
                             JERRY
               (admiring Christie) Yeah, I'm right 
               there with ya.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (excited) That is a Schwinn Stingray! 
               And it's the girl's
 
               
               model! Oh, I always wanted one of these when I was little.

               
               Christie leaves her examination of the toys on that side of the 
               store,
 
               
               and walks over to some other items. Jerry watches her as she 
               goes, she notices
 
               
               and smiles and flirtatious looks are exchanged. Jerry is oblivious 
               to Elaine's
 
               
               voice.

               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think Jerry? Jerry?

               
                             JERRY
               (tearing himself away from Christie) 
               Huh?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you think?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, be great for your paper route.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (laughs) I love it. I'm getting it.
 
               
               
               Elaine reaches for the bike, as Jerry turns back to Christie.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Can you help me get it down, Jer? Jerry.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I think your friend needs some help 
               over there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, the only way to really help 
               her is to just let her be.
 
               
               Elaine gives up on Jerry assisting her and tries to lift the 
               bike off
 
               
               the wall on her own. But as she raises it, the weight proves 
               too much and she
 
               
               falls backwards, ending up on her back on the floor with the 
               bike pinning her
 
               
               down. She struggles to lift it, but can't make much impression, 
               so she rings
 
               
               the bell on the bike. Jerry finally has his attention drawn away 
               from Christie.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
               Elaine makes 'So, are you gonna help me?' gestures.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner with Ken and Carrie. Carrie 
               is
 
               
               Heavily pregnant. George is eating spaghetti with his usual decorum.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               A little baby girl?

               
                             KEN
               Doctor says it could be any day now.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (through mouthful of food) So, Carrie, 
               you and Susan are
 
               
               cousins. So your baby daughter is gonna be Susan's second cousin, 
               right? So what
 
               
               does that make me?

               
                             CARRIE
               Doesn't make you anything.

               
                             GEORGE
               (jokingly) Well, so, legally, I could 
               marry your daughter.
 
               
               George laughs and shovels another load of pasta into his mouth. 
               Ken and
 
               
               Carrie look perturbed.

               
                             SUSAN
               So, have you picked out a name yet?
 
               
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, we've narrowed it down to a few. 
               We like Kimberley.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               Aww.

               
                             GEORGE
               (negative) Hu-ho, boy.

               
                             KEN
               You don't like Kimberley?

               
                             GEORGE
               Ech. What else you got?

               
                             KEN
               How about Joan?

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon, I'm eating here.

               
                             SUSAN
               (warning) George!

               
                             CARRIE
               Pamela?

               
                             GEORGE
               Pamela?! Awright, I tell you what. You 
               look like nice people,
 
               
               I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.

               
                             KEN
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.

               
                             CARRIE
               I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               All names sound strange the first time 
               you hear 'em. What, you
 
               
               Telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they 
               heard it?
 
               
                             KEN
               Yeah, but uh... Soda?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, that's right. It's working.

               
                             CARRIE
               We'll put it on the list.

               
                             GEORGE
               I solve problems. That's just what I 
               do.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry sits in front of the TV, while in the kitchen Kramer is 
               building
 
               
               A sandwich of epic proportions. He hums to himself as he piles 
               sliced
 
               
               meat onto bread. Jerry looks over at him, looking somewhat irritated 
               by the way
 
               
               Kramer's demolishing his food stocks.

               
                             KRAMER
               (sniffing a slice of meat) Yeah, oh 
               boy. Mmm, that's good.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're really going to town with that 
               turkey there.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh yeah, I got a big appetite.

               
               Kramer goes to the fridge and looks inside.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uhh, Jerry, you got no mustard, huh.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's on the door.

               
                             KRAMER
               (examining a yellow squeeze bottle) 
               What, this yellow stuff?
 
               
               No, I said mustard, Jerry. Dijon.

               
               Kramer waves away the squeezy option and shuts the fridge.

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, 's no good.

               
               Kramer goes back to his sandwich, puts the second slice of bread 
               on,
 
               
               and takes a bite. It doesn't meet with his approval. He spits 
               out the mouthful he's
 
               
               taken onto the plate, and dumps the rest of the sandwich next 
               to it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No. That's bush league.

               
               Kramer heads toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, hey. Wha... wait... what, you're 
               gonna leave it there?
 
               
               That's like half a pound of turkey!

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, I can't eat that. You can't 
               eat a sandwich without
 
               
               Dijon.

               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, you're right. I really 
               should keep more of your
 
               
               favourites on hand.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, hey, hey. I'm getting a vibe here. 
               What, are you unhappy
 
               
               with our arrangement?

               
                             JERRY
               What arrangement?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I was under the impression that 
               I could take anything I
 
               
               Wanted from your fridge, and you could take whatever you want 
               from mine.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (sarcasm) Yeah, well, lemme know when 
               you get something in there
 
               
               and I will.

               
               Elaine enters. She has her head leaning over to the left, and 
               she's
 
               
               Moving carefully, like it's giving her pain.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hey.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. What's with your neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               Still killing me from having to get 
               that bike off the wall.
 
               
               (pointedly) By myself.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, if it's any consolation, I did 
               get her number.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (sitting) Ah, I think I really strained 
               it. Ow.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Aw, I doubt you strained it. Maybe you 
               pulled it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ach, maybe.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you twist it? You coulda twisted 
               it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you wrench it? Did you jam it? Maybe 
               you squeezed it. Turned
 
               
               it...

               
                             ELAINE
               (patience exhausted) You know what, 
               why don't you just shut the
 
               
               hell up?

               
                             JERRY
               Awright.

               
                             ELAINE
               God. Man, this is killing me. Right 
               now, I would give that bike
 
               
               to the first person who could make this pain go away.

               
                             KRAMER
               Aw, you really hurting, huh?

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, Kramer, it's just awful.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh hmm. Well, your arterioles have constricted.
 
               
               
               Kramer walks around behind the seated Elaine, and reaches for 
               her neck.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, lean forward, relax.

               
                             ELAINE
               (worried) What? What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Encounter shiatsu.

               
               Kramer begins to work at Elaine's neck with his thumbs.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wait a minute. Kramer, you know what 
               you're doing here?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (continuing to work) Ohh yeah. A wise 
               man once taught me the
 
               
               Healing power of the body's natural pressure points.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ah hah.

               
                             KRAMER
               (to Jerry) He sells tee-shirts outside 
               the World Trade Centre.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (seriously worried) Wha...?

               
                             KRAMER
               He's a genius. Here we go...

               
               Kramer takes a firm grip of each side of Elaine's head. Elaine 
               looks
 
               
               Really worried now. She grabs a hold of Jerry's shirt and the 
               arm of the
 
               
               couch, and her feet stamp on the floor.

               
                             KRAMER
               From pain, will come pleasure.

               
               Kramer violently twists Elaine's head to the left. There's a 
               loud
 
               
               Crunching sound, and Elaine cries out in shock. Kramer lets go 
               of her head and
 
               
               steps away, job done.

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh? Voila.

               
                             ELAINE
               (pleasantly surprised) Oh my god!

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine rolls her head around, completely comfortable.

               
                             ELAINE
               Wow! That is unbelievable. The pain 
               is totally gone!
 
               
                             JERRY
               What's even more amazing is his formal 
               training is in
 
               
               paediatrics.

               
                             KRAMER
               Awright, my work is done here.

               
               Kramer heads for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               (big smile) Oh man! Kramer, thank you!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (closing the door) Yeah, you can send 
               that bike over any time.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (after Kramer) What? (to Jerry) What, 
               what is he talking about?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I dunno. (realising) Oh, 'cos you said 
               you'd give the bike to
 
               
               anyone who fixes your neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               You really think he wants the bike?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               It took him like ten seconds!

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's the most he's worked in 
               the last four months.
 
               
               
               
               (George's Car)

               
               George and Susan, heading home from the restaurant. George is 
               happy,
 
               
               smiling and whistling.

               
                             GEORGE
               I think they really went for that Soda.
 
               
               
                             SUSAN
               What, are you crazy? They hated it. 
               They were just humouring
 
               
               you.

               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, alright. Believe me, that kid's 
               gonna be called Soda.
 
               
                             SUSAN
               I can tell you, I would never name my 
               child Soda.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no no no. Course not. I got a great 
               name for our kids. A
 
               
               Real original. You wanna hear what it is? Huh, you ready?

               
                             SUSAN
               Yeah.

               
               George uses his finger to draw a number 7 in the air, accompanying 
               the
 
               
               Strokes of his digit with a two-tone whistle.

               
                             SUSAN
               What is that? Sign language?

               
                             GEORGE
               No, Seven.

               
                             SUSAN
               Seven Costanza? You're serious?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. It's a beautiful name for a boy 
               or a girl...
 
               
               Susan scoffs.

               
                             GEORGE
               ...especially a girl. Or a boy.

               
                             SUSAN
               I don't think so.

               
                             GEORGE
               What, you don't like the name?

               
                             SUSAN
               It's not a name. It's a number.

               
                             GEORGE
               I know. It's Mickey Mantle's number. 
               So not only is it an all
 
               
               Around beautiful name, it is also a living tribute.

               
                             SUSAN
               It's awful. I hate it!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry) Well, that's the name!

               
                             SUSAN
               (also angry) Oh no it is not! No child 
               of mine is ever going to
 
               
               be named Seven!

               
                             GEORGE
               (yelling) Awright, let's just stay calm 
               here! Don't get all
 
               
               crazy on me!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry walks from the bathroom, talking to George, who's just 
               told him
 
               
               about his contretemps with Susan.

               
                             JERRY
               Seven? Yeah, I guess I could see it. 
               Seven. Seven periods of
 
               
               school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, 
               and eventually
 
               
               seven years to life. Yeah, you're doing that child quite a service.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (adamant) Yes I am. I defy you to come 
               up with a better name
 
               
               than Seven.

               
               Jerry walks toward the kitchen. He sees an item on the counter.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Awright, let's see. How about Mug? (picks 
               up the mug) Mug
 
               
               Costanza, that's original. (he turns and sees another item) Or 
               uh, Ketchup?
 
               
               Pretty name for a girl.

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, you having a good time there?
 
               
               
               Jerry is in the kitchen, and opens a cupboard. His eyes run over 
               the
 
               
               array of good within.

               
                             JERRY
               I got fifty right here in the cupboard. 
               How about Bisquik?
 
               
               Pimento. Gherkin. Sauce. Maxwell House.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouts) Awright already!! This is a 
               very key issue with me,
 
               
               Jerry. I had this name for a long time.

               
               Jerry comes back into the living room. A thought occurs.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I forgot to call Christie.

               
                             GEORGE
               Christie? That's the one you met in 
               the antique store?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, she had this great black and white 
               dress, with a scoop
 
               
               neck. She looked like some kinda superhero.

               
                             GEORGE
               And you met her in an antique store! 
               I don't know how you do
 
               
               it!

               
                             JERRY
               (smug) I'm not engaged.

               
               George gives Jerry a look. Kramer enters. He's carrying a small
 
               
               
               goldfish bowl, a pad and a pencil tied to the bowl by string.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, I got it.

               
                             JERRY
               Got what?

               
                             KRAMER
               (putting the items on the counter) Got 
               the answer, Jerry.
 
               
               Refrigerator problem, is solved.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's no problem. You can take whatever 
               you want.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, I will. But now, I'm accountable. 
               Alright, I take what I
 
               
               want.

               
               Kramer takes a cupcake from a box on the counter.

               
                             KRAMER
               Here. I write it down. (he writes) "One 
               cupcake." And then I
 
               
               put it in the bowl. (he tears off the sheet, crumples it and 
               drops it into the
 
               
               bowl) There. Very simple.

               
                             JERRY
               Sort of a mooching inventory.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no. Not mooching. 'Cos at the end 
               of the week, you add 'em
 
               
               all up, and you give me the bill.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, now look I gotta run some errands, 
               so look. When
 
               
               Elaine comes by with that bike, you hang onto it for me, alright?
 
               
               
               George passes by as he goes to the fridge.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, I don't know if you're getting 
               that bike.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yes I am. We had a verbal contract. 
               If we can't take each other
 
               
               at our word, all is lost.

               
               George has fetched a Diet Coke from the fridge. He opens it. 
               Kramer
 
               
               hears the hiss, and notices George.

               
                             KRAMER
               (waving at the bowl) Oh yeah, yeah. 
               Put that on my tab.
 
               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie have just arrived. They're both wearing long 
               coats,
 
               
               Fastened to the collar.

               
                             JERRY
               Well this is it. The food is atrocious, 
               but the busboys are the
 
               
               best in the city.

               
               A member of staff approaches.

               
                             MAITRE D'
               May I take your coat, miss?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes, thank you.

               
               The Maitre d' helps Christie to slip out of her coat, revealing 
               that
 
               
               she has on the exact same dress as she was wearing in the antique 
               store. Jerry
 
               
               looks bemused, but plasters on a fixed smile as Christie looks 
               at him.
 
               
               
               
               (Monks')

               
               Jerry and George sit in a booth, discussing the previous night. 
               George
 
               
               Fingers his chin thoughtfully.

               
                             GEORGE
               The same outfit?

               
                             JERRY
               The exact same outfit.

               
                             GEORGE
               How many days was it between encounters.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Three.

               
                             GEORGE
               Three days. Well, maybe you caught her 
               on the cusp of a new
 
               
               wash cycle. You know, she did laundry the day after she met you, 
               everything got
 
               
               clean and she started all over again.

               
                             JERRY
               Possibly, but then shouldn't the outfit 
               only reappear again at
 
               
               the end of the cycle?

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe she moved it up in the rotation.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Why? It's our first date, she's already 
               in reruns?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Very curious.

               
                             JERRY
               Indeed.

               
                             GEORGE
               You know, Einstein wore the exact same 
               outfit every day.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, if she splits the atom, I'll let 
               it slide.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (picking up his coat) Awright, I'm heading 
               home.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, did Susan change her mind about 
               the name?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (standing) Not yet, but she's weakening.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, George, just because your 
               life is destroyed, don't
 
               
               Destroy someone else's.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's Mickey Mantle, Jerry. My idol.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How about 'Mickey'?

               
                             GEORGE
               'Mickey'? (incredulous) 'Mickey'!

               
               George walks away, half-laughing at Jerry's ludicrous suggestion.
 
               
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is in the fridge. Kramer enters with a slide of the feet, 
               and a
 
               
               cigar in his mouth.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey buddy.

               
                             JERRY
               (holding up a can) Hey, is this your 
               half a can of soda in the
 
               
               fridge?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, that's yours. My half is gone.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I put my half a can here on the 
               tab. Why, what's your
 
               
               beef?

               
                             JERRY
               You cannot buy half a can of soda.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, why not.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I don't wanna get into the whole 
               physics of carbonation
 
               
               with you here, but you know the sound a can makes when you open 
               it?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               That is the sound of you buying a whole 
               can. And the same goes
 
               
               for this, okay...

               
               Jerry holds up an apple, from which has been taken one large 
               bite.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...When you pierce the skin of a piece 
               of fruit, you've bought
 
               
               the whole fruit. Not a third of an apple, not a half of a banana...
 
               
               
               Jerry hold up a half banana.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright.

               
                             JERRY
               ...You bite it, you bought it.

               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, alright. I'll make the necessary 
               adjustments, alright.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Thank you.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               Elaine enters.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh. (pointedly) So, how's the neck? 
               Nice and loose?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Lookit, Kramer, you are not getting 
               this bike. I don't even
 
               
               know why you ant it. (laughingly) I mean, it's a girl's bike.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (deadly serious) It's a verbal contract. 
               We had a deal.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No we didn't. You take these things 
               too literally. It's like
 
               
               saying,

               
               you're hungry enough to eat a horse.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, my friend Jay Reimenschneider 
               eats horse all the time. He
 
               
               gets it from his butcher.

               
                             ELAINE
               This is not the point. (emphatic) The 
               point is, you just can't
 
               
               have the bike.

               
                             KRAMER
               Boy, I am really surprised at you. (opening 
               the door) You are
 
               
               the last person I figured would do something like this. I mean, 
               George, yeah, I
 
               
               can see that. Even Jerry. But not you, Elaine...

               
               Kramer holds one hand up above his head.

               
                             KRAMER
               I always put you up here...

               
               Kramer holds his other hand at about knee height.

               
                             KRAMER
               ...They're over here. Now you're... 
               aww-whawww.
 
               
               Kramer brings his first hand down to the level of the second. 
               He
 
               
               leaves, closing the door with a bang. Elaine sits, fighting with 
               her conscience. There
 
               
               is a brief pause, then the door opens again and Kramer pokes 
               in his head,
 
               
               expectantly.

               
                             ELAINE
               (grudging) Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               (points) Digidi.

               
               Kramer leaves and closes the door again.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               George and Susan are having dinner.

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw c'mon. It's a fantastic name. It's 
               a real original, nobody
 
               
               else is gonna have it and I absolutely love it.

               
                             SUSAN
               Well, I dunno how original it's gonna 
               be any more.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Why not?

               
                             SUSAN
               Well I was telling Carrie about our 
               argument, and when I told
 
               
               them the name, they just loved it.

               
                             GEORGE
               So, what're you saying?

               
                             SUSAN
               They're gonna name their baby Seven.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (disbelief) What?! They're stealing 
               the name?! That's my name,
 
               
               I made it up!

               
                             SUSAN
               I can't believe that they're using it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (anger) Well now it's not gonna be original! 
               It's gonna lose
 
               
               all its cachet!

               
                             SUSAN
               I dunno how much cachet it had to begin 
               with.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (rage) Oh, it's got cachet, baby! It's 
               got cachet up the
 
               
               yin-yang!

               
               
               
               (Elaine's Apartment)

               
               Elaine is in bed. She begins to move to get up. As she raises 
               herself
 
               
               from the mattress, there is a loud crunching sound. A look of 
               agony crosses her
 
               
               face.

               
                             ELAINE
               (in pain) Oh god! Oh, god. (bitter) 
               Kramer!
 
               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine walks along the street. Her neck problem means she has 
               her head
 
               
               Tipped back so far she can't see directly in front of her. A 
               guy coming the
 
               
               other way gives her a warning.

               
                             MAN
               Watch your step.

               
               Elaine collides with a litter bin which is outside her field 
               of vision.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (pain) Oh, ah. (bitter) Stupid Kramer.
 
               
               
               Christie is looking in a shop window, then she spots Elaine.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Excuse me. Elaine?

               
               Elaine, handicapped by her neck, cannot see who's speaking.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh?

               
               Christie comes over to Elaine. All Elaine can see of her is her 
               head
 
               
               and neck.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Over here. I thought that was you. You're 
               Jerry's friend,
 
               
               right?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah. Uh, Christie?

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Yes. How y'doing?

               
                             ELAINE
               (bearing up) I'm fine.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I gotta run. It was good to see 
               you.
 
               
               Christie walks away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (after Christie) Okay, oh, it was good 
               to, good to see you.
 
               
               Kramer comes along the street, riding the Schwinn Stingray and 
               ringing
 
               
               the bell. He attracts comments from folk on the street.

               
                             VOICE 1
               Lookin' good.

               
                             VOICE 2
               Hey Cosmo, nice wheels.

               
                             KRAMER
               You got that right!

               
               A kid leans out the window of a parked Volvo.

               
                             KID
               (scorn) Hey, you're riding a girl's 
               bike.
 
               
               Kramer thumbs his nose and continues pedalling.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shouting) Kramer! Kramer!

               
               
               
               (Outside Apartment Building)

               
               George walks up to the door. He pushes the buzzer for a particular
 
               
               
               apartment.

               
                             KEN
               Hello.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello, Ken. It's George Costanza. I 
               think we need to talk.
 
               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry hears a loud knocking from the hallway.

               
                             ELAINE
               (angry shout) Kramer!

               
               Jerry opens the door to reveal Elaine hammering insistently at 
               Kramer's
 
               
               door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer!!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey

               
               Elaine turns to Jerry and gets a twinge from her neck.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ow! God! Is Kramer back from his little 
               joyride yet?
 
               
               Elaine enters Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               Haven't seen him. How's the neck?

               
                             ELAINE
               His chiropractic job was a crock. It's 
               even worse than it was
 
               
               before.

               
               Elaine removes her bag from her back, wincing from the pain as 
               she
 
               
               moves.

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, I'm surprised. (sarcasm) I would 
               think Kramer would have a
 
               
               knack for moving pieces of a person's spine around.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, you know what, I think I ran into 
               that girl from the
 
               
               antique store. What's her name, Christie?

               
                             JERRY
               You saw her? What was she wearing?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know. I couldn't see. I couldn't 
               look down because of
 
               
               my neck.

               
                             JERRY
               Didn't you get a glimpse? An impression?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What d'you care?

               
                             JERRY
               Both times I've seen her she's worn 
               the same dress.
 
               
               There's a ringing from the Schwinn's bell, and Kramer rides it 
               into
 
               
               Jerry's apartment. He rides all around the apartment, round the 
               couch, past the
 
               
               TV and is heading for the door.

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you have a nice ride?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, great ride.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, that's good. 'Cos it was your last!
 
               
               
               Elaine slams the door shut before Kramer can leave. Kramer rides
 
               
               
               straight into the door with a clatter. He falls to the ground, 
               then makes his
 
               
               stumbling way upright again.

               
                             KRAMER
               What're you talking about?! We had a 
               deal!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (anger) You better give me back that 
               bike! (indicating neck)
 
               
               Look at this! Look! Ow. I couldn't even crawl out of bed this 
               morning.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Bed? You should be sleeping on a wooden 
               board for at least a
 
               
               week.

               
                             ELAINE
               What? You never told me that.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's common sense.

               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, what is he talking about? He's 
               being ridiculous.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, look. Jerry, you know the whole 
               story, you should
 
               
               settle this.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm flattered that you would both 
               appeal to my wisdom, but
 
               
               unfortunately, my friendship to each of you precludes my getting
 
               
               
               involved. What you need is an impartial mediator.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, I'd go for that. Would you go 
               for that?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'm down.

               
                             JERRY
               Course, it would have to be someone 
               who hasn't heard the story
 
               
               before. Someone who is unencumbered by any emotional attachment. 
               Someone whose
 
               
               heart is so dark, it cannot be swayed by pity, compassion, or 
               human emotion of
 
               
               any kind.

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer sit on Newman's couch. Elaine with her head 
               tilted
 
               
               back. Newman sits in his chair, his fingertips together, trying 
               to give an
 
               
               Impression of limitless wisdom.

               
                             ELAINE
               So, that's the situation.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Mmm. You present an interesting dilemma. 
               Each of you seemingly
 
               
               has a legitimate claim to the bicycle, and yet the bicycle can 
               have only one
 
               
               rightful owner. Quite the conundrum. As a federal employee, I 
               believe the law is
 
               
               all we have. (getting worked up) It's all that separates us from 
               the savages
 
               
               who don't deserve even the privilege of the daily mail. (angry) 
               Stuffing parcels
 
               
               into mailboxes where they don't belong!!...

               
                             KRAMER
               Newman!

               
               Newman catches himself, and comes back to normality.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But, you must promise That you will 
               abide by my decision, no
 
               
               Matter how unjust it may seem to either of you. Do I have your 
               word?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh, yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Alright, let's begin.

               
               Newman sits back, to begin his contemplation. There is the single
 
               
               
               'ting' of a microwave.

               
                             NEWMAN
               (excited) Ooh, my cocoa!

               
               Newman leaps to his feet and heads for his kitchen.

               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Apartment)

               
               Carrie is on the couch, with Ken sitting on the arm. George is
 
               
               
               explaining about Seven.

               
                             KEN
               Why can't we use Seven?

               
                             GEORGE
               It's my name. I made it up. You can't 
               just steal it.
 
               
                             CARRIE
               Well, it's not as if Susan's pregnant. 
               You've already postponed
 
               
               The wedding. Who knows if you'll ever get married.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, hey hey. Don't worry about me. 
               I'm not a waffler. I don't
 
               
               waffle!

               
                             KEN
               Right, we're both big Mickey Mantle 
               fans, and we love the name.
 
               
               It's very unusual.

               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) What happened to Soda?! I 
               thought we all agreed on
 
               
               Soda.

               
                             KEN
               (emphatic) Well, we don't care for Soda.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               You don't care for Soda?!

               
                             CARRIE
               (worked up) No, no. We don't like Soda 
               at all!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (shouting) How d'you not like Soda?! 
               It's bubbly, it's
 
               
               refreshing!

               
               Carrie jumps and gives a cry.

               
                             CARRIE
               Oh!

               
                             KEN
               What is it?

               
                             CARRIE
               I felt something.

               
                             KEN
               Are you okay, honey?

               
                             CARRIE
               I think I'm going into labour.

               
               George flashes a panicked expression.

               
                             KEN
               Oh god, oh god. Okay, let's not panic. 
               Let's just get to the
 
               
               hospital...

               
               Ken and Carrie rise and head toward the door.

               
                             CARRIE
               Okay.

               
                             KEN
               ...Alright? I got the suitcase packed, 
               right here.
 
               
               Ken grabs the suitcase from by the door and they exit, hurriedly.
 
               
               
               George trails along behind them, making suggestions.

               
                             GEORGE
               What about Six?

               
               Ken gives him a look over his shoulder.

               
                             GEORGE
               Nine. Thirt... thirteen's no good.
 
               
               
               Ken has left, George follows out the door.

               
                             GEORGE
               Fourteen. (shouting after Ken) Fourteen!
 
               
               
               George closes the door behind him.

               
               
               
               (Restaurant)

               
               Jerry and Christie are having dinner. Christie is eating, while 
               Jerry
 
               
               leans back picking at his meal, looking suspicious at the fact 
               that Christie is
 
               
               wearing the same black and white dress as at their two previous 
               meetings.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               Are you okay, Jerry? You seem quiet.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I'm just a little uh, worn out.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               I know exactly what you mean.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I'm sure you do.

               
               Christie begins to season her food, with salt. Jerry chews

               
               thoughtfully.

               
                             JERRY
               What in god's name is going on here? 
               Is she wearing the
 
               
               same thing over and over again? Or does she have a closet full 
               of these, like
 
               
               Superman? I've got to unlock this mystery.

               
               Christie adds a little pepper to her dish. But after replacing 
               the
 
               
               shaker, she knocks her glass of red wine over her dress.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               (horrified) Oh my god!

               
                             JERRY
               Oh.

               
               Christie mops at the spill with her napkin, but there's only 
               so much
 
               
               you can do.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahh. I can't go to the movies like this. 
               Do you mind if we go
 
               
               back to my apartment, so I can change?

               
                             JERRY
               Change? (thoughtful) Yes, I think that's 
               a super idea.
 
               
               
               
               (Ken and Carrie's Car)

               
               Ken is driving Carrie to the hospital. Carrie is as worked up 
               as you'd
 
               
               expect a woman in labor to be. In the back seat, George is making 
               one last
 
               
               attempt to save his name.

               
                             CARRIE
               Are we almost there?

               
                             KEN
               Just keep breathing, okay.

               
                             CARRIE
               (deep breaths) Okay, okay.

               
                             KEN
               Okay.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, the thing is, 
               I kinda promised the widow
 
               
               Mantle that I would name my baby Seven.

               
               As George speaks, Ken is looking impatient and angry.

               
                             KEN
               Now's not the best time, George!

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) It's just that, I know her, 
               and boy...
 
               
                             KEN
               (firm) George! She's in labour!

               
                             GEORGE
               (angry shout) So am I!

               
               
               
               (Newman's Apartment)

               
               Elaine and Kramer still sit on the couch, awaiting Newman's
 
               
               
               arbitration.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Well, you've both presented very convincing 
               arguments. On the
 
               
               one hand, Elaine, your promise was given in haste. But was it 
               not still a promise? Hmm?
 
               
               Kramer looks at Elaine, thinking his arguments have put him one 
               up.
 
               
                             NEWMAN
               And, Kramer, you did provide a service 
               in exchange for
 
               
               compensation. But, does the fee, once paid, not entitle the buyer 
               to some assurance
 
               
               Of reliability? Hmm? Huh? Ahh. These were not easy questions 
               to answer.
 
               
               Not for any man...

               
               Kramer leans forward to receive the result. Elaine looks as attentive
 
               
               
               as she can while only being able to look upwards.

               
                             NEWMAN
               ...But I have made a decision. (revelatory) 
               We will cut the
 
               
               bike down the middle, and give half to each of you.

               
                             ELAINE
               (shout) What?! This is your solution?! 
               To ruin the bike?!
 
               
               Newman's face drops at her negative reaction. Kramer looks across 
               at
 
               
               the bike, looking worried.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, fine. Fine. Go ahead. (standing) 
               Cut the stupid thing
 
               
               in half.

               
                             KRAMER
               No, no, no. Give it to her. I'd rather 
               it belonged to another
 
               
               than see it destroyed. Newman, give it to her, I beg you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, yeah, y-yeah.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Not so fast, Elaine! Only the bike's 
               true owner would rather
 
               
               give it away than see it come to harm. Kramer, the bike is yours!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Sweet justice. Newman, you are wise.
 
               
               
               Kramer picks up the bike and climbs aboard.

               
                             ELAINE
               (frustration) But this isn't fair! Lookit, 
               my neck is still
 
               
               hurting me,

               
               and now you have the bike?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, tell it to the judge, honey. I'm 
               going for a ride.
 
               
               Kramer opens the door and rides clumsily out, ringing the bell 
               as he
 
               
               goes.

               
               
               
               (Christie's Apartment)

               
               Christie leads Jerry into her home.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Here we are.

               
                             JERRY
               (looking around) Ah, so this is the 
               Fortress of Solitude.
 
               
               Christie puts down her bag, and removes her coat.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Well, I guess I'll go change.

               
                             JERRY
               Yes, change. By all means, change.
 
               
               
               Christie walks away down a hallway. Jerry removes his coat and 
               sits
 
               
               down. He looks around himself. On the coffee table he notices 
               a small framed
 
               
               picture of Christie and some guy. In the picture, she's wearing 
               the same black and
 
               
               White dress. Jerry picks it up and examines it more closely, 
               reading a date
 
               
               written on the photo.

               
                             JERRY
               August seventeen, nineteen-ninety-two. 
               The same dress!
 
               
               She never

               
               changes! Oh my god. (looking around) She's gotta have hundreds 
               of these
 
               
               dresses.

               
               Jerry gets up from his seat.

               
                             JERRY
               There must be a secret stash around 
               here somewhere.
 
               
               Jerry opens a closet and begins to look inside. While he's rooting
 
               
               
               about in there, Christie reenters the room, wearing a robe and 
               looking indignant
 
               
               at discovering Jerry invading her privacy.

               
                             CHRISTIE
               Ahem! Are you looking for something?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What're you doing? I thought you were 
               changing.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               No, I, I'm thinking we should just call 
               it a night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, no. C'mon, put something else on. 
               It's early, let's go out.
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               If it's all the same to you, I think 
               I'm just gonna go to
 
               
               bed.

               
               Jerry moves to the couch, where he half lays down.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I'm kinda tired myself. Maybe 
               I'll just sleep here on
 
               
               The couch. Then in the morning, you'll get dressed, we'll walk 
               out
 
               
               together. Both dressed, different clothes. Well, I'll be in the 
               same clothes. You'll
 
               
               of course be in different clothes, because it's your apartment. 
               But we'll go
 
               
               downstairs, me in my same clothes, you in your different clothes.
 
               
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (unequivocal) Jerry. I don't think so.
 
               
               
               Jerry picks up his coat and moves toward the door.

               
                             JERRY
               You wanna throw something on and walk 
               me to a cab?
 
               
                             CHRISTIE
               (gesturing) Get out.

               
               Jerry walks though the door. He's still talking as Christie closes 
               it
 
               
               on him.

               
                             JERRY
               (pleading) Tell me what you're wearing 
               tomorrow. I'll help you
 
               
               lay it out on the bed.

               
               
               
               (Hospital)

               
               Carrie is in a wheelchair, being wheeled by an orderly. She's 
               doing her
 
               
               breathing. Ken hurries alongside, comforting his wife. George 
               also
 
               
               hustles along the corridor with the group.

               
                             KEN
               Okay, breathe, honey. Breathe.

               
                             GEORGE
               (to Carrie) You know, you're really 
               being very selfish. It
 
               
               would be nice if you would think of someone other than yourself 
               every now and then!
 
               
                             CARRIE
               (shouts) I'm having a baby!!

               
               The orderly pushes the wheelchair on through the door of the 
               delivery
 
               
               room. Ken turns to face George.

               
                             KEN
               George, you're not getting Seven! Now 
               get outta here!!
 
               
               Ken strides into the delivery room.

               
                             GEORGE
               (desperate) Please! I have so little!
 
               
               
               George tries to follow, but an orderly blocks his path.

               
                             ORDERLY
               Sorry sir, it's family only.

               
               The orderly closes the door on George, whose face can be seen 
               through
 
               
               The window.

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm family. I'm having sex with the 
               cousin!
 
               
               George thumps his fists against the door in frustration. He's 
               crying as
 
               
               He screams.

               
                             GEORGE
               Seven!!

               
               
               
               (Jerry's Apartment)

               
               Jerry is on the phone, while Kramer examines a box of cereal 
               in the
 
               
               kitchen.

               
                             JERRY
               Hello, Christie? I was wondering if 
               we could get together again?
 
               
               (listens) Oh really? Well you can't break up with me over the 
               phone.
 
               
               C'mon, you gotta do this in person. It doesn't even have to be 
               one on one, you can
 
               
               bring a group of friends. I just wanna see you. Wait, don't hang 
               up on me.
 
               
               (hurriedly) Why d'you wear the same dress all the time? Hello.
 
               
               
               Defeated, Jerry hangs up the phone.

               
                             KRAMER
               (indicating the cereal) Hey, Jerry, 
               if you're gonna be snacking on these, 
               you can't expect me to pay for the whole 
               box.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Alright, hobo Joe. I didn't wanna put 
               a damper on your little
 
               
               Smorgasbord here, but it's the end of the week, so I added up 
               your tab.
 
               
               Jerry tears a sheet off a writing pad, and presents it to Kramer.
 
               
               
               Kramer takes a look.

               
                             KRAMER
               (does a double take) Yikes.

               
                             JERRY
               I know. Pretty steep.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I don't have this kind of cash.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Few do.

               
                             KRAMER
               I'm good for it.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, well, until this bill is paid...
 
               
               
               Jerry takes back the tab, then takes the cereal out of Kramer's 
               hands.
 
               
                             JERRY
               ...the food court is closed.

               
                             KRAMER
               (opening the door) Alright. I'll get 
               that money for you in five minutes. 
               And, don't eat any more.
 
               
               Kramer leaves at a run.

               
               
               
               (Street)

               
               Elaine is walking along, when she spots something ahead of her.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, that's my bike!

               
               Along the sidewalk comes a happy-looking Newman, pedalling the 
               Schwinn
 
               
               for all he's worth. He rings the bell.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Gangway!

               
                             ELAINE
               This is my bike!

               
               Newman brakes to a halt in front of Elaine.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Oh no. No no no no. I bought it from 
               Kramer. He was hard up for cash. Fifty 
               bucks! (he laughs) Can you believe it? 
               Of course, I had to make some minor 
               modifications, you know. Solid tires, 
               reinforced seatpost, heavy duty shocks. 
               But, baby, this is one sweet ride.
 
               
               
               Newman begins to ride away.

               
                             ELAINE
               (chasing Newman) No, you better gimme 
               back that bike. Newman, gimme...
 
               
               Elaine grabs hold of the trailing end of Newman's scarf.

               
                             NEWMAN
               Hey!! Help me!

               
               The show ends with a freeze frame of Newman on the bike, and 
               a determined Elaine grasping the scarf. There are sounds of a 
               struggle.
 
               
               
               
                             THE END


The Seven



Writers :   Alec Berg  Jeff Schaffer
Genres :   Comedy


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