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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                             THE SHOES



                             Written by

                     Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld




 
               
               
               (Jerry and George in Jerry's apartment, working on the script 
               for the "Jerry" pilot episode.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a second, wait a second...and then 
               the butler says, "I'm not cleanin' it 
               up! I'm sick of cleaning!"
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's funny, that's funny! "I'm sick 
               of cleaning." That's very funny.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I've never seen a pilot script as funny 
               as this!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, it's funny!

               
                             GEORGE
               I mean, how funny is this?

               
                             JERRY
               It's funny.

               
                             GEORGE
               I mean, we're not stupid, right? We 
               know when something's funny!
 
               
                             JERRY
               It cannot not be funny! Now come on, 
               let's stay with it, we gotta finish 
               this today.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Okay. Hey, you know what, maybe I should 
               give it to my therapist to read. She's 
               smart, I trust her.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, maybe I'll give it to Elaine.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, you know, we haven't brought the 
               Elaine character into the show yet. 
               We should try and get her into this 
               scene.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Right, right. Okay. (Writing) Elaine 
               enters. (Thinks) What does she say...?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know, what do women say?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know.

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't even know what they think. That's 
               why I'm in therapy.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know, if we bring Elaine in, it's 
               going to be so many people to keep track 
               of. It's gonna be too hard, I'll forget 
               where everybody's standing, you, me, 
               Kramer, the butler, it's too much.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, forget Elaine.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright. (They tear the pages out of 
               their notepads. Kramer enters.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               You are never gonna believe who I just 
               ran into today.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Who?

               
                             KRAMER
               Your old flame. Gail Cunningham.

               
                             JERRY
               Did you talk to her?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I was on my way to the Y, and 
               I saw her coming towards me? I didn't 
               know what to do! Because I remembered 
               you had three dates with her and she 
               wouldn't kiss you goodnight. So now 
               I'm thinking, what is my duty to my 
               friend? Do I acknowledge her? Do I ignore 
               her? I mean, what is my responsibility 
               here?
 
               
                             JERRY
               So what happened?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, yeah, so she sees me and she goes, 
               (imitates Gail) "Oh, hi! Kramer!" You 
               know? Like nothing happened! Like she 
               never went three dates with you and 
               refused to kiss you goodnight.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I know about the three dates.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You know what I did? I snubbed her.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean, you snubbed her?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I walked right by her - bffffft - never 
               said a word.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Right by her?

               
                             KRAMER
               Right by her!

               
                             JERRY
               What you do say about a guy like this, 
               huh! (George applauds.) You are some 
               great friend, I tell ya, snubbed her! 
               (seriously) Not that I condone it. I've 
               never condoned snubbing in my administration. 
               Your loyalty is beyond question.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. Well, you know, she was lucky 
               I was in a good mood - coulda been a 
               lot worse.
 
               
               
               New scene - Jerry and Elaine at the coffee shop. Jerry is showing 
               her the script.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm not even in here!

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I know.

               
                             ELAINE
               I thought there was going to be a character 
               named Elaine Benes.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, there were too many people in 
               the room, we couldn't keep track of 
               everybody. George, and the butler, and...
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You couldn't "keep track" of everybody?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Well, we tried. We couldn't. We didn't 
               know how to, uh...(confessing) ...we 
               couldn't write for a woman. We didn't 
               know what you would say. Even right 
               now, I'm sitting here, I know you're 
               going to say something, I have no idea 
               what it is.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You have no idea?

               
                             JERRY
               Something derogatory? (Gail enters the 
               coffee shop and walks over to the booth.)
 
               
               
                             GAIL
               I thought I'd find you here.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, Gail Cunningham.

               
                             ELAINE
               Hi, Gail.

               
                             GAIL
               Hi, Elaine. (To Jerry) Hey, what is 
               with your friend Kramer?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why?

               
                             GAIL
               He snubbed me.

               
                             JERRY
               Are you sure?

               
                             GAIL
               Yeah, I'm sure. What did you tell him?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Nothing. (Elaine grabs Jerry's sandwich 
               and is about to take a bite.) Hey, where 
               you goin' with that? Gimme that. (Takes 
               back the sandwich.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I thought you were finished.

               
                             JERRY
               I took two bites, how am I finished? 
               (Elaine coughs.) Plus you're coming 
               down with something? You want me to 
               get sick? (Offers Gail the sandwich) 
               Bite?
 
               
                             GAIL
               So, how come? Why did Kramer do that?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know. Once he leaves the building, 
               he's out of my jurisdiction.
 
               
                             GAIL
               Well, tell him that I am mad at him.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Alright. So, where ya cookin' now?
 
               
               
                             GAIL
               Pfeiffer's.

               
                             JERRY
               Ah, the power lunch crowd.

               
                             GAIL
               Nice shoes!

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh. Thank you.

               
                             GAIL
               Where'd you get 'em?

               
                             ELAINE
               They're um, Botticelli's.

               
                             GAIL
               Ooh, Botticelli's! Look at you! I'm 
               afraid to go in there.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Really.

               
                             JERRY
               Would you care to join us?

               
                             GAIL
               No, no, I gotta get to the restaurant. 
               (Looks at her watch.) Oh! See ya. (Exits.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               See ya.

               
                             ELAINE
               "Oh, look at you, the Botticelli's."
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               That bothered you?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yes, it bothered me. So I bought a pair 
               of shoes at Botticelli's, I'm not allowed 
               to shop there? That really embarrassed 
               me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               It did?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yes! Couldn't you see that?

               
                             JERRY
               No. This is why you're not in the pilot.
 
               
               
               
               New scene - George in a session with Dana, his therapist.

               
                             DANA
               Well, George, I think you're beginning 
               to get some perspective on things. I 
               think we're making progress.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, I feel like I've grown.

               
                             DANA
               Good. So, let's pick up on this next 
               week.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Great. (They both stand.) Oh, by the 
               way, did you get a chance to read the 
               script?
 
               
                             DANA
               Yes, yes I did.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, what'd you think?

               
                             DANA
               Uh...it was...good.

               
                             GEORGE
               You didn't like it?

               
                             DANA
               Well, no, I -

               
                             GEORGE
               I can't believe this! What was wrong 
               with it? What didn't you like about 
               it?
 
               
                             DANA
               It wasn't funny.

               
                             GEORGE
               It wasn't funny? What, are you kidding?
 
               
               
                             DANA
               No, I didn't find it funny.

               
                             GEORGE
               You didn't find it funny?! This is what 
               I'm paying for?
 
               
                             DANA
               Well, that whole storyline about a guy 
               who gets into a car accident, doesn't 
               have any insurance, so the judge sentences 
               him to be a butler? I didn't really 
               buy that.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Let me tell you who did, uh, buy it...we 
               pitched this story to Russell Dalrymple, 
               the president of NBC, and he ate it 
               up with a spoon.
 
               
                             DANA
               George, if you're going to be in a creative 
               field, you're going to have to learn 
               how to deal with criticism.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               How's this for criticism? Um...you stink. 
               How do like that criticism? You know 
               what's funny to me? That diploma up 
               on the wall. That is my idea of "com-med-dee"! 
               You sitting here, telling people what 
               to do.
 
               
                             DANA
               I think you'd better go.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, I'm goin' baby. I'm goin.' (Heads 
               for the door, then stops.) It's Jerry's 
               fault. He took out all my good lines. 
               He's such a control freak!
 
               
               
               New scene - Jerry and George in Jerry's apartment. They're both 
               standing by the door. Elaine enters.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So, you send me to this therapist to 
               help me with my emotional disorders, 
               and she criticizes our script. (Tosses 
               the script to Jerry.) What kind of a 
               therapist is that?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I guess she didn't think it was funny.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, she didn't think it was funny. What 
               is she, Rowan & Martin? We're supposed 
               to meet with NBC tomorrow! She completely 
               shattered my confidence. And I'm paying 
               for this, she's my employee!
 
               
                             JERRY
               I thought your mother's paying for it.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               And she slaves to earn every penny. 
               So that someday, I might be able to 
               walk up to a woman and say, "Yes, I'm 
               bald, but I'm still a good person."
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, he's right. It's not her place 
               to criticize the script, which reminds 
               me - what did you think of it? You never 
               told me.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What did I think of it? (Manufactures 
               a cough instead of answering. Kramer 
               enters.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, buddy, I got something to tell 
               ya. (Elaine runs towards to the bathroom 
               in lieu of answering Jerry's question.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, one second, you don't get off that 
               easy. C'mon, tell me what you thought.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, you know, I...

               
                             KRAMER
               I just kissed Gail Cunningham. (Jerry 
               turns and looks at Kramer, shocked. 
               Elaine grins and heads to the bathroom.)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You what?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, I kissed her.

               
                             JERRY
               You kissed her?

               
                             KRAMER
               Right on the mouth.

               
                             JERRY
               What kinda great friend are you? How 
               do you go from snubbing to kissing?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I saw her outside the Y, you know, 
               she came up to me, she started yelling 
               because I snubbed her, and then we started 
               talking a little bit, and I walked her 
               to her building. And just before I left, 
               I put my arm around her waist, I pulled 
               her to me, and I - mmm - I planted one! 
               (Laughs.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               And what did she do?

               
                             KRAMER
               She kissed me back.

               
                             JERRY
               I don't get this. I go out with this 
               girl three times, she doesn't want to 
               shake my hand - why's she kissing you?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Because I snubbed her. You see? Women, 
               they like that! Yes! I understand women. 
               The snub is good, they love the snub!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No they don't. I tried that once. I 
               snubbed for a year. Nothing. Every woman 
               I saw, I snubbed. You never saw people 
               so pleased. (Elaine returns from the 
               bathroom.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Ooh, so...I understand you're buying 
               new shoes now at Botticelli's.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What? Who told you that?

               
                             KRAMER
               Gail Cunningham.

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't understand, why is this woman 
               talking about my shoes? Why are my shoes 
               a topic of conversation?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you know, we were just talking, 
               and she mentioned how you're buying 
               your shoes now at Botticelli's.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               "How I'm buying my shoes now at Botticelli's!" 
               Did you hear this? (Shoves Jerry and 
               Kramer.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               So what?

               
                             ELAINE
               So what?! She is talking about my shoes! 
               She is discussing my shoes! It is nobody's 
               business where I buy my shoes! (Storms 
               over to the couch and angrily sits down. 
               Jerry, Kramer and George look at Elaine 
               from the kitchen, comically puzzled 
               by her outburst...)
 
               
               
               New scene - Gail cooking in the kitchen at Pfeiffer's Restaurant. 
               Elaine marches in.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey! Gail!

               
                             GAIL
               Elaine...!

               
                             ELAINE
               Why are you talking about my shoes?
 
               
               
                             GAIL
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               My Botticelli shoes. You've been talking 
               about my Botticelli shoes.
 
               
                             GAIL
               What are you talking about?

               
                             ELAINE
               Did you or did you not tell Kramer that 
               I got my shoes at Botticelli's? (A waiter 
               comes over and puts a plate of food 
               on Gail's cutting board.)
 
               
                             WAITER
               Too spicy. He wants another one. You 
               got that pasta primavera?
 
               
                             GAIL
               Look Elaine, I am very busy here.

               
                             ELAINE
               Who else have you mentioned my shoes 
               to, huh? I wanna know why my footwear 
               is your conversation!
 
               
                             GAIL
               I am not discussing this. This is insane.
 
               
               
                             WAITER
               You got that pasta primavera? Let's 
               go! (Gail passes the plate to the waiter 
               in front of Elaine. Elaine sneezes on 
               it. The waiter brings the pasta to the 
               dining room and serves it to Russell 
               Dalrymple, the president of NBC.) Here 
               you are, Mr. Dalrymple.
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Thank you.

               
                             WAITER
               Sorry for the delay. Enjoy your lunch.
 
               
               
               
               New scene - Jerry and George arrive at Dalrymple's apartment 
               to discuss the script.
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Well, come in. (They shake hands.) Awfully 
               sorry to make you come up here, but 
               I really wasn't feeling well enough 
               to go back to the office, and well, 
               it's the only chance I have to meet 
               with you this week.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Are you alright?

               
                             RUSSELL
               Well, it's my stomach. I think there 
               must have been something in the pasta 
               primavera I had for lunch.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Where did you eat?

               
                             RUSSELL
               Pfeiffer's.

               
                             JERRY
               Ah. I know the chef there.

               
                             RUSSELL
               Yeah. The food's usually terrific.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               My cousin worked for Bouchard's. They 
               used to use the bouilla-base for a toilet. 
               (Jerry and Russell are shocked.)
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               What are you saying?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, you didn't hear it from me, but 
               needless to say, if you go in there 
               - stick with the consumee.
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Well, we'd better get started, my daughter's 
               going to be here soon.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, you have a daughter?

               
                             RUSSELL
               Yeah, she just turned fifteen last week.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Aw, that's a fun age. (Jerry looks at 
               George distastefully.)
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Alright. The script. Now, I've read 
               this thing three times...and everytime 
               I read it...(looks nauseous, struggles 
               not to vomit.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             RUSSELL
               Excuse me for a second. (Gets up and 
               runs to the bathroom.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Would you like a Pepto-Bismol? I keep 
               them in my wallet...! (Russell goes 
               into the bathroom and shuts the door.) 
               (To Jerry) Do you think he liked it? 
               (From the bathroom, we hear Russell 
               violently heaving his guts.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm not sure. (The sounds of Russell 
               vomiting emanate from the bathroom. 
               Jerry and George sit there uncomfortably.) 
               What was that dish he said he had...?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Pasta primavera.

               
                             JERRY
               Ah. You know, 'primavera' is Italian 
               for 'spring.'
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No!

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             RUSSELL
               Really, I'm terribly sorry, it just, 
               uh...all of a sudden it just hit me.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               So, you were saying how, um...about 
               the script...
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Right. The script. Your script needs 
               some...it needs, um...(looks nauseous 
               again. Gets up and runs to the bathroom 
               a second time.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               More jokes?

               
                             JERRY
               Another ending?

               
                             GEORGE
               A different name for the butler? (Russell 
               throws up again.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe we should go.

               
                             GEORGE
               We haven't heard his notes yet, we don't 
               know how he feels about our work. (Russell 
               throws up yet again.)
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Oh God. Oh my god.

               
                             JERRY
               I can't listen to anymore of this, the 
               guy's losing a lung in there. (Russell's 
               daughter Molly enters.)
 
               
                             MOLLY
               Hello.

               
                             JERRY
               Hi.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hi.

               
                             MOLLY
               I'm Molly.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm Jerry.

               
                             GEORGE
               George.

               
                             JERRY
               We're here discussing our script with 
               your father.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               He just read it. (Russell vomits again. 
               Jerry and George look ashamed.)
 
               
                             MOLLY
               Daddy? Are you okay?

               
                             RUSSELL
               Yeah, sweetie. I'm fine. (Molly sits 
               on the back of the chair.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So, you live with your mother, huh?
 
               
               
                             MOLLY
               Uh, yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               Divorce is very difficult. Especially 
               on a kid. Of course, I'm the result 
               of my parents having stayed together, 
               so you never know. (Russell comes out 
               of the bathroom.)
 
               
                             MOLLY
               Daddy, are you alright? What's the matter?
 
               
               
                             RUSSELL
               It's just a stomach thing.

               
                             MOLLY
               Yuck.

               
                             RUSSELL
               We're going to have to do this some 
               other time, so if you'll give me your 
               number, I'll call you later. (Jerry 
               and George nod. Molly takes her jacket 
               off.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You know, suddenly I'm in the mood for 
               pasta primavera myself. (Jerry nudges 
               George to sneak a peek at Molly's cleavage 
               as she bends over and looks in her backpack. 
               Jerry has a quick look, but George stares, 
               hypnotized. Russell comes up behind 
               George.)
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               Get a good look, Costanza?

               
               
               New scene - Jerry and George in Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               What were you doing?

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, it's not my fault. You poked me!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You're supposed to just take a peek 
               after a poke. You were like you just 
               put a quarter into one of those big 
               metal things on top of the Empire State 
               Building.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's cleavage. I couldn't look away. 
               What am I, waiting to win an Oscar here? 
               This is all I have in my life.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Looking at cleavage is like looking 
               at the sun, you don't stare at it. It's 
               too risky. You get a sense of it and 
               then you look away.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All right. So, he caught me in a cleavage 
               peek, so big deal. Who wouldn't look 
               at his daughter's cleavage? She's got 
               nice cleavage.
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's why I poked.

               
                             GEORGE
               That's why I peeked. (Jerry opens the 
               door to take some trash out, and meets 
               Kramer and Gail in the hallway.)
 
               
                             GAIL
               Hey! What is with your friend Elaine?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             GAIL
               She comes to my restaurant, comes right 
               in my kitchen, and starts complaining 
               that I'm talking about her shoes.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Right in the kitchen. Disgraceful.
 
               
               
                             GAIL
               I don't want people coming into my kitchen. 
               I think she might have sneezed all over 
               someone's pasta primavera. Someone might 
               have gotten sick because of her. (Kramer 
               and Gail exit.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Pasta primavera?

               
                             JERRY
               Is that what she said? (Kramer pokes 
               his head back in the door.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               She's somethin', huh? She's a wild one. 
               She's wearin' me out.
 
               
                             JERRY
               She is?

               
                             KRAMER
               She's sensual. You know, with the...cooking 
               and all. (Kramer grins happily at Jerry 
               and leaves. The phone rings. Jerry tosses 
               the trashbag to George.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hello? Oh, hi Stu.

               
                             GEORGE
               From NBC?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. What's goin' on? What? Really? 
               Oh my god....did he give you a reason?...Oh 
               boy. Okay. Alright. Thanks. (hangs up.) 
               Dalrymple just cancelled the pilot. 
               (George drops the bag, shocked.)
 
               
               
               Commercial break.

               
               New scene - Jerry, George and Elaine in Jerry's apartment.

               
                             JERRY
               If you hadn't gone into her restaurant, 
               this never would have happened.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Look, I don't like people talking about 
               my shoes behind my back, okay? My shoes 
               are my business. The two of you shouldn't 
               have been looking at some fifteen year-old's 
               cleavage anyway!
 
               
                             GEORGE
               He poked me!

               
                             JERRY
               There was cleavage in the area. That's 
               a reflex - (mimics nudging someone with 
               an elbow) - cleavage-poke, cleavage-poke...
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               But she was fifteen.

               
                             JERRY
               You don't consider age in the face of 
               cleavage. This occurs on a molecular 
               level, you can't control it! We're like 
               some kind of weird fish where the eyes 
               operate independently of the head.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, what's the difference. What 
               are we gonna do now? He won't take our 
               calls, we can't get into his office...
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know what we could do? He eats at 
               that restaurant, Pfeiffer's? We could 
               have Gail call us, tell us the next 
               time he's there, go there and talk to 
               him.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, now you're onto something.

               
                             JERRY
               The whole thing is so stupid. Like he 
               wouldn't do the same thing if Elaine 
               walked by in a low-cut dress.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. Well, maybe not Elaine, but...somebody 
               like Gail, though.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What? What do you mean, Gail? (Kramer 
               enters.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yah-hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Kramer, listen, I want you to ask Gail 
               to do me a favor. The next time Russell 
               Dalrymple comes in the restaurant, ask 
               her if she would call me.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, I'll call her right now. (Kramer 
               goes back to his apartment.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What do you mean, Gail? You don't think 
               I can attract attention? You don't think 
               I can put asses in the seats?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Look, sweetheart, you know you've got 
               it all. But let's face it... (Kramer 
               comes back.)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               She said she'll do it.

               
                             JERRY
               Beautiful.

               
                             KRAMER
               But she wants the shoes.

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               She says she wants those shoes.

               
                             ELAINE
               She wants my shoes? What kind of person 
               is this? Alright! She is not getting 
               'em!
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, come on! I'll buy you another pair!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No, these were the last pair of these 
               that they had!
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'll get you another one just like it!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No, but these were the only really cool 
               ones like this! Don't you see how everybody 
               likes 'em and how everybody talks about 
               'em? (Jerry, realizing Elaine's motivation, 
               sits at the counter unbelievingly.)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Elaine, this pilot...it doesn't matter 
               to me, it's not me I'm concerned about...it's 
               my mother. I've been over to the hospital 
               to see her...
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh yeah, because she caught you jer 
               -
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Never mind!

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, come on, wait a second, this whole 
               thing is ridiculous. How do I even know 
               she wears the same size?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright, what size are you?

               
                             ELAINE
               Seven-and-a-half.

               
                             KRAMER
               Eh! Bingo.

               
               
               New scene - Gail in the kitchen at Pfeiffer's. She notices Dalrymple 
               being shown to his table.
 
               
                             GAIL
               Sauce this. (Goes to the telephone and 
               dials.) Yeah, he's here. Oh, and one 
               more thing...bring the shoes. (Hangs 
               up.)
 
               
               Continuation of last scene - Russell eating at the restaurant. 
               Jerry and George arrive. Jerry hands the shoes to Gail, and they 
               walk over to Russell's table.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey! Whattaya know!

               
                             GEORGE
               Look who's here!

               
                             JERRY
               Fancy meeting you here!

               
                             RUSSELL
               Oh. Hello.

               
                             GEORGE
               Pasta primavera! Back on the horse.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, it's a funny thing, because 
               after the pilot got cancelled, we hadn't 
               heard from you.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Didn't hear anything...

               
                             JERRY
               Didn't know...we were wondering...what 
               happened.
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               It just didn't seem to be the right 
               project for us right now. (Elaine walks 
               by in a low-cut dress. Jerry and George 
               look at her as she moves to the table 
               opposite Russell.) So, what were you 
               saying?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh...uh, because if it had anything 
               at all to do with what you perceived 
               as me leering at your daughter, I really 
               have to take issue with that. I did 
               not leer. (To Jerry) Did I leer?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No leer. (Elaine comes over to Russell's 
               table.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Excuse me, are you using that ketchup?
 
               
               
                             RUSSELL
               Uh, no. (Elaine takes the ketchup and 
               goes back to her table.)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Because, if I'm looking straight ahead, 
               and something enters my field of vision, 
               that's merely a happenstance. (Elaine 
               loudly snaps and unfolds her napkin 
               at the next table to get Russell's attention.)
 
               
               
                             RUSSELL
               Under the circumstances, I don't really 
               feel that we should be in business together. 
               (Elaine comes back over.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Here's your ketchup back. You know, 
               I had the hardest time trying to get 
               some out. I mean, I just kept pounding 
               and pounding on the bottom of it. Do 
               you have any trouble?
 
               
                             RUSSELL
               No.

               
                             ELAINE
               Do you have a...ketchup secret?

               
                             RUSSELL
               No, I... (finally notices Elaine)...don't 
               have a ketchup secret. (Smiles.)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Because if you do have a ketchup secret, 
               I would really, really like to know 
               what it is. (Russell is pleased, and 
               smiles at Elaine. Elaine goes back to 
               her table, sits down, and waves at Russell.)
 
               
               
                             RUSSELL
               Field of vision, huh?

               
               
               Commercial break.

               
               New scene - Jerry, George and Elaine having dinner at Pfeiffer's. 
               Gail comes over to the table.
 
               
                             GAIL
               How's everything?

               
                             ELAINE
               Mmmm.

               
                             JERRY
               Really good.

               
                             GEORGE
               This pasta primavera is fabulous.

               
                             JERRY
               Very tasty.

               
                             GAIL
               How'd everything go with that NBC guy?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Great.

               
                             JERRY
               The pilot's back on. In fact, Elaine's 
               going out with him tomorrow night. (Gail 
               nods and walks away.) Listen, Elaine, 
               if Russell mentions anything about the 
               pilot, you'll of course tell him how 
               much you liked it...?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You know, I happen to have the script 
               right here with me and, uh...on page 
               3, for example, suppose the Elaine character 
               comes in wearing a...a low-cut dress. 
               And the butler is very distracted, and 
               can't work.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh...that kind of comedy, that's a little 
               broad for us.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I'm sure it's right up Russell's 
               alley.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, it's a funny idea.

               
                             JERRY
               It's funny!

               
                             GEORGE
               C'mon, funny is funny.

               
                             JERRY
               Funny is funny, we're here to entertain, 
               right?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, maybe I'll mention it to Russell 
               tomorrow night.
 
               
                             JERRY
               If you can.

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah. Where's he taking you, by the 
               way?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Bouchard's, on 53rd. (George starts 
               choking on his wine, and attempts to 
               tell Elaine something.)
 
               
                             JERRY
               I think what he's trying to say is, 
               "get the bouilla-base." (George nods 
               'yes' and continues to choke.)
 
               
               
               
               
                            THE END



The Shoes



Writers :   Larry David  Jerry Seinfeld
Genres :   Comedy


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