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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                             THE STALL



                             Written by

                           Larry Charles




           
          
          (the bathroom)
          

                       ELAINE          
          what a dope!
          
          uh..excuse me
          
          umm.. I'm sorry
          
          this is.. this is kind of embarrassing
          but.. there's no toilet paper over
          here
          

                       JANE          
          (from the stall on Elaine's right)
          
          are you talking to me?
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah.. I
          
          I just forgot to check
          
          so if you could just spare me some
          

                       JANE          
          no I'm sorry
          

                       ELAINE          
          what?
          

                       JANE          
          no I'm sorry, I can't spare it
          

                       ELAINE          
          you can't spare it??
          

                       JANE          
          no there's not enough to spare
          

                       ELAINE          
          well I don't need much, just 3
          squares will do it
          

                       JANE          
          I'm sorry I don't have a square
          to spare, now if you don't mind..
          

                       ELAINE          
          3 squares? you can't spare 3 squares??
          

                       JANE          
          no I don't have a square to spare,
          I can't spare a square
          

                       ELAINE          
          oh is it two-ply? cause it it's
          two-ply I'll take one ply, one
          ply, one, one
          
          puny little ply, I'll take one
          measly ply
          

                       JANE          
          look, I don't have a square and
          I don't have a ply (flushing and
          leaving)
          

                       ELAINE          
          no no, no no, don't don't, I beg
          you
          
          (the movie theater)
          

                       JERRY          
          (eating pop corn)
          
          hmm I love this artificial flavoring
          
          I like it better than butter
          
          I think it's more consistent
          

                       JANE          
          you would not believe what just
          happened to me in the bathroom
          

                       JERRY          
          what?
          
          (offering pop corn to Jane)
          
          (elsewhere in the same theater)
          

                       ELAINE          

                       HEY          

                       TONY          

                       HEY          
          hey? where is my popcorn babe?
          

                       ELAINE          
          what?
          

                       TONY          
          my popcorn, you were supposed to
          get me popcorn
          
          what? would you forget about me
          babe?
          

                       ELAINE          
          you would not believe what just
          happened to me in the bathroom
          
           
          

                       JANE          
          I mean.. a person needs a certain
          amount of toilet paper to be covered..
          I
          
          simply could not spare it
          
          this woman just didn't get it,
          she kept harassing me
          
           
          

                       ELAINE          
          3 squares!! that's all I was asking
          for! 3 squares!
          
           
          

                       JANE          
          she wouldn't stop
          
          "help me! help me!"
          
          she was insane 
          
           
          

                       ELAINE          
          I was begging her
          
          "please! please!"
          
          she was insane 
          
           
          

                       JERRY          
          who do you think she is? how dare
          she?
          
          you want me to get the manager?
          too bad they don't have those old
          ladies
          
          walking around with flashlights
          anymore
          
          we'd flush her out
          

                       JANE          
          I don't know what she looks like
          

                       JERRY          
          I wonder where Elaine is sitting?
          I really wanted you to meet her
          
          she's supposed to be here tonight
          with her new boyfriend Tony
          
           
          

                       ELAINE          
          hmm where is Jerry sitting? he's
          supposed to be here tonight with
          his new
          
          girlfriend I'm dying to see what
          she looks like
          

                       TONY          
          hey? you think if I jumped off
          this balcony I'd get hurt?
          
           
          
          (Jerry's apt.)
          
          (Jerry's at his computer)
          
          (Kramer enters)
          

                       KRAMER          

                       HEY          

                       JERRY          

                       HEY          

                       KRAMER          
          hey guy, can I use your phone in
          your bedroom?
          

                       JERRY          
          what's the matter with yours?
          

                       KRAMER          
          huh.. my batteries are dead
          

                       JERRY          
          hey it's not one of those 976 calls,
          is it?
          

                       KRAMER          
          look come on, let me use it, 5
          minutes, I'll pay you back huh?
          

                       JERRY          
          why do you do that?
          

                       KRAMER          
          oh... (get in the bedroom)
          
          (Elaine enters)
          

                       ELAINE          
          I am never going back to the movies
          again
          

                       JERRY          
          hey where were you last night?
          I looked for you, I didn't see
          you
          

                       ELAINE          
          I looked for you too, I was all
          the way over on the side
          

                       JERRY          
          oh with huh.. pretty boy.. Tony
          

                       ELAINE          

                       YEAH          

                       JERRY          
          hey hey (fooling around with his
          collar)
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah, all right ok
          

                       JERRY          
          Tony, hey hey (continues fooling)
          

                       ELAINE          
          that's nice. Listen, listen to
          this
          
          I am in the bathroom, right before
          the movie starts
          

                       JERRY          
          huh huh
          

                       ELAINE          
          I'm in the stall and there's no
          toilet paper
          

                       JERRY          
          no what?
          

                       ELAINE          
          toilet paper
          

                       JERRY          
          oh.. whoa..
          

                       ELAINE          
          so I ask this woman in the stall
          next to me for some and she refuses!
          ho ho
          

                       JERRY          
          well maybe she couldn't spare it
          

                       ELAINE          
          a square?
          

                       JERRY          
          well, you know, sometimes a square
          is everything
          

                       ELAINE          
          a ply?
          

                       JERRY          
          Elaine, you cannot judge a person
          on a situation like that. I mean
          it's like
          
          asking for someone's canteen in
          the desert
          

                       ELAINE          

                       YEAH          

                       JERRY          
          it's battle conditions
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah, well
          
          I just hope I run into her again
          ok, cause I will never forget that
          flinty
          
          voice, it is tattooed in my brain
          
          if I hear it, watch out
          
          So listen what happened with Jane
          last night?
          

                       JERRY          
          oh.. Jane she huh.. she huh..
          

                       ELAINE          
          the 4 of us are going out Saturday
          right? hat should be fun
          

                       JERRY          
          yeah that should be real fun
          

                       ELAINE          
          you know what, it's getting late,
          can I call Tony?
          

                       JERRY          

                       YEAH          
          (Elaine picks up the wireless phone
          and presses for the tone)
          

                       WOMAN'S VOICE ON THE PHONE          
          then we'll get a cab and we'll
          do it in the back seat.. how's
          that Andre?
          

                       ELAINE          
          Andre?
          
          (Jerry approaches and listens to
          the phone with Elaine)
          
          KRAMER (on the phone)
          
          what about the driver? we could
          get an accident
          

                       WOMAN          
          so what?
          

                       KRAMER          
          oh that wouldn't be very good
          

                       JERRY          
          (on the phone)
          
          hey Andre, get the hell off the
          phone!
          

                       ELAINE          
          what is going on? what.. who is
          Andre?
          

                       JERRY          
          Kramer's Andre, he's fooling around
          with these 976 numbers (Kramer
          walks out
          
          of the bedroom) hey I told you,
          I don't want you doing that on
          my phone
          

                       KRAMER          
          Jerry, I'm telling you, this phone
          sex thing is hilarious, like this
          woman
          
          Erika, here look (showing the ad
          in the newspaper). You gotta call
          her, the
          
          voice she uses..
          

                       JERRY          
          hey you know it's weird because
          that voice sounded a little familiar
          to me
          

                       KRAMER          
          hey, you're hungry? Monk's?
          

                       JERRY          
          no I gotta go downtown
          

                       ELAINE          
          oh wait, you're giving me a lift
          home right?
          

                       JERRY          

                       YEAH          

                       ELAINE          
          so listen, what happened last night
          with Jane?
          

                       JERRY          
          nothing, she just.. choked on a
          jujube
          
           
          
          (Jerry's car)
          

                       ELAINE          
          you know I hate to tell you this,
          but it's time to defrost that freezer
          

                       JERRY          
          I know, I just can't bring myself
          to do it
          
          meanwhile that freezer keeps getting
          smaller and smaller (she smiles)
          
          (Elaine looks at her watch)
          
          oh, don't wanna keep Tony waiting
          

                       ELAINE          
          hey you got a problem with Tony?
          

                       JERRY          
          hunky.. Tony.. hey hey hey (fools
          around with his collar again)
          

                       ELAINE          
          ok Jerry, I would be going out
          with him no matter what he looked
          like
          

                       JERRY          
          of course you would
          

                       ELAINE          
          oh yeah, oh.. like you're one to
          talk
          

                       JERRY          

                       ELAINE          

                       ELAINE          
          what?
          

                       JERRY          
          it's different for a man
          

                       ELAINE          
          huh?
          

                       JERRY          
          we're expected to be superficial
          

                       ELAINE          
          I'm not being superficial
          

                       JERRY          
          Elaine, he's a.. he's a male bimbo,
          he's a mimbo
          

                       ELAINE          
          he's not a mimbo, he's an exciting,
          charismatic man
          
          he just happened to have a perfect
          face
          

                       JERRY          
          and that's why you're going out
          with him
          

                       ELAINE          
          no it is not
          

                       JERRY          
          you know, I think George has a
          non sexual crush on him
          

                       ELAINE          
          I think he does too
          

                       JERRY          
          I mean, every time I see him, it's
          Tony this, Tony that. George is
          like a
          
          school girl around him
          
           
          

                       (MONK'S)          

                       TONY          
          so I said huh.. "hey dude, you
          better step off"
          
          (Tony takes his cap and wears it
          backwards)
          

                       GEORGE          
          "step off"?
          

                       TONY          

                       YEAH          

                       GEORGE          
          you said "step off"?
          
          wow, that is too much
          
          hey..huh hey (George turns the
          cap his wearing backwards like
          Tony)
          
          Tony, I huh, I just had this brainstorm
          for us. Can you guess what it is?
          

                       TONY          

                       NO          

                       GEORGE          
          bowling! what do you see bowling?
          bowling's insane! bowling is crazy
          time
          

                       TONY          
          bowling? I don't think so George
          you get no rush from bowling
          

                       GEORGE          
          rush? you want a rush? drop a bowl
          on your toe my friend, talk about
          a rush,
          
          you'd be throbbing, you'd see visions
          

                       TONY          
          no no no no, I'm thinking.. rock-climbing
          

                       GEORGE          
          all right! rock-climbing! J..just
          the 2 of us? alright! hey I'll
          make some
          
          sandwiches, what what do you like?
          tuna? peanut butter?
          

                       TONY          
          what.. whatever
          

                       GEORGE          
          alright alright, I gotta buy some
          bread
          

                       TONY          
          yeah yeah, you know I'm definitely
          down for some rock-climbing
          

                       GEORGE          
          me too, I am down, I am totally
          down, mark me down
          

                       TONY          
          cool, so what do you say we climb
          a rock maņana?
          

                       GEORGE          
          huh.. maņana? huh maņana might..
          huh maņana might be a problem,
          I'm supposed
          
          to have huh a boil lanced maņana.
          Huh you know I think they charge
          me if I
          
          cancel with only one maņana's notice
          (Kramer enters)
          

                       TONY          
          hey Kramer
          

                       KRAMER          

                       HEY          

                       TONY          
          hey, hey Kramer my man, what are
          you doing maņana?
          

                       KRAMER          
          maņana I'm doing nada
          

                       TONY          
          what do you say you scale some
          rock with me and George?
          

                       GEORGE          
          huh Tony? there's not gonna be
          too many sandwiches
          

                       TONY          
          c'mon Kramer what do you say?
          

                       GEORGE          
          huh Kramer it's huh.. gonna be
          pretty dangerous up there
          

                       KRAMER          
          I am down
          

                       TONY          
          yes.. alright buddy, take it easy
          Kramer
          
          you down to it George? what's wrong?
          

                       GEORGE          
          I am down!
          
           
          

                       (JERRY'S)          

                       ELAINE          
          rock climbing? hehe.. where do
          you come off going rock climbing..
          rock
          
          climbing? you need a boost to climb
          into your bed (Elaine and Jerry
          laughs)
          

                       GEORGE          
          alright alright
          

                       JERRY          
          yeah yeah what is it with you and
          Tony? what are you? it's like his
          sidekick
          
          now?
          

                       GEORGE          
          yeah that's right. I like it. He's
          such a cool guy
          

                       JERRY          
          cool guy? what are you, in 8th
          grade?
          

                       GEORGE          
          he's the first cool guy I've ever
          been friends with in my whole life.
          You
          
          know.. it's a different world when
          you're with a cool guy, he's not
          afraid of
          
          anybody. You should hear the way
          he talks to waitresses.. he gets
          free pie!
          
          (Kramer enters)
          

                       KRAMER          

                       HEY          

                       EVERYBODY          

                       HEY          

                       GEORGE          
          hey nice move today
          

                       KRAMER          
          what?
          

                       GEORGE          
          horning on my rock climbing trip.
          It's just supposed to be me and
          Tony
          
          KRAMER: he asked me
          

                       GEORGE          
          you put him on the spot
          

                       KRAMER          
          you know I think you're in love
          with him
          

                       GEORGE          
          what?.. that's ridiculous!
          

                       KRAMER          
          no no no, I don't think so. You
          love him
          

                       GEORGE          
          you better be careful on those
          rocks tomorrow buddy. And you're
          not getting
          
          any sandwiches either
          
          (phone rings, Kramer answers)
          

                       JERRY          
          you're making sandwiches?
          

                       KRAMER          

                       HELLO          

                       GEORGE          
          well I don't know if there's gonna
          be any place to eat up there
          

                       KRAMER          
          who?
          

                       GEORGE          
          Hey Elaine, does Tony like peanut
          butter?
          

                       ELAINE          
          hates it
          

                       GEORGE          
          good thing I asked
          
          JERRY (to Kramer): who is it?
          

                       KRAMER          
          well she says Jane
          

                       JERRY          
          yeah, so?
          

                       KRAMER          
          well that voice, it's very familiar..
          throaty, almost flinty
          

                       JERRY          
          did you say flinty?
          

                       KRAMER          
          yeah yeah, (in a flinty voice)
          flinty
          
           
          
          (on the rocks)
          
          (Kramer and George are hanging
          on a rock)
          

                       KRAMER          

                       (SINGING)          
          yodel lay hee hoo! yodel lay hee
          hoo!
          
          hello! (Kramer jumps around George
          from one side to an other)
          

                       ECHO          

                       HELLO          

                       KRAMER          
          hey George, hear that?
          
          (George is terrified)
          

                       GEORGE          
          please please please, stop moving
          
          that's all I'm asking..
          
          Kramer!!
          
          (George grabs Kramer's leg)
          

                       KRAMER          
          let go, hey grab the rock
          

                       GEORGE          
          what rock?
          

                       KRAMER          
          the rock
          

                       GEORGE          
          uh oh..
          

                       KRAMER          
          you gotta relax.. try the yodel
          (chanting) yodel lay hee hoo
          

                       GEORGE          

                       (SOBBING)          
          yodel lay hee hoo..
          

                       KRAMER          

                       (CHANTING)          
          yodel lay hee hoo
          

                       GEORGE          

                       (SOBBING)          
          yodel lay hee hoo..
          

                       TONY          
          (voice from below)
          
          George! Kramer!
          

                       KRAMER          
          yeah!
          

                       TONY          
          take the rope, thread it through
          the carabiner and knot it, and
          I'll climb up
          
          to where you are
          

                       KRAMER          
          alright.. George you got it? (gives
          him the rope)
          

                       GEORGE          

                       YEAH          

                       TONY          
          hey George, you got anything to
          eat dude?
          

                       GEORGE          
          (taking it out of his jacket pocket)
          
          yeah I got some sandwiches.. I
          got tuna.. and salmon salad Tony
          because I know
          
          you don't like peanut butter
          
          (the ropes slides down)
          

                       KRAMER          
          what?
          

                       TONY          
          dude aah.......
          
          (George and Kramer look at each
          other)
          

                       GEORGE AND KRAMER          
          ahh.....!!
          
           
          

                       (JERRY'S)          
          (Jerry and Jane are eating)
          

                       JERRY          
          ..can I have your napkin?
          

                       JANE          
          what?
          

                       JERRY          
          you napkin I'm dripping
          

                       JANE          
          well where is your napkin?
          

                       JERRY          
          I used it up
          

                       JANE          
          well I need mine
          
          (looks at her watch)
          
          oh god loot at the time, I gotta
          get to work
          

                       JERRY          
          you know I'd like to hear about
          this job of yours
          

                       JANE          
          I told you already it's very boring
          
          you know I think I got a little
          too much garlic, can I have a piece
          of gum
          

                       JERRY          
          you're fine (goes to the bathroom)
          
          (buzzer rings)
          

                       JANE          
          oh how does this thing work?
          

                       JERRY          
          just press it
          

                       ELAINE          
          it's Elaine
          

                       JANE          
          oh come on up
          

                       JERRY          
          (coming out from the bathroom)
          
          who was it?
          

                       JANE          
          it's Elaine
          

                       JERRY          
          oh..huh.. is she coming up?
          

                       JANE          

                       YEAH          

                       JERRY          
          huh.. uh.. you know your breath
          is a little garlicky you better
          take some gum.
          

                       JANE          

                       OK          

                       JERRY          
          Yeah have a couple of pieces, weak,
          weak gum yeah
          
          (Jane has her mouth full of gum
          and can't talk now)
          

                       JANE          

                       HMM          

                       JERRY          
          have some more, take a load
          

                       JANE          
          isn't it too much?
          

                       JERRY          
          trust me.. nah it's good
          

                       JANE          
          smell?
          

                       JERRY          
          yeah stinks, terrible
          
          (Elaine enters)
          

                       JERRY          
          hi Elaine
          

                       ELAINE          

                       HI          

                       JERRY          
          this is Jane Elaine
          

                       ELAINE          
          hi, nice to meet you finally
          

                       JANE          
          it's so nice to meet you (chewing)
          I look forward to Saturday night
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah me too
          

                       JANE          
          ok so I'll see you Saturday night
          

                       JERRY          
          Saturday night (she leaves)
          
          (Jerry shuts the door)
          

                       ELAINE          
          what is with the gum?
          

                       JERRY          
          I know it's a big problem.. she
          puts like 4 pieces in her mouth,
          it's
          
          ridiculous, I don't think we're
          gonna be able to get together on
          Saturday
          

                       NIGHT          

                       ELAINE          
          because of the gum
          

                       JERRY          
          well it's too much, it's embarrassing
          

                       ELAINE          
          why does she have to chew so many?
          

                       JERRY          
          she's one of those person, always
          have to be different
          
          (on the other side of the door)
          

                       (WHISPERING)          

                       GEORGE          
          she's there, I can hear her
          

                       KRAMER          
          alright, who's gonna tell her
          

                       GEORGE          
          huh you tell her
          

                       KRAMER          
          it was your fault
          

                       GEORGE          
          if you hadn't come, this whole
          thing wouldn't have happen
          
          (back on Jerry and Elaine's side,
          we can hear George saying "I was
          the one who
          
          was invited", Jerry opens the door)
          

                       JERRY          

                       WELL          

                       ELAINE          

                       HEY          

                       GEORGE AND KRAMER          

                       HEY          

                       GEORGE          
          what are you doing here?
          

                       ELAINE          
          did you have fun
          

                       GEORGE AND KRAMER          

                       YEAH          

                       KRAMER          
          for a little while
          

                       ELAINE          
          where's Tony?
          

                       GEORGE          
          oh..
          

                       KRAMER          
          huh..
          

                       GEORGE          
          Kramer was supposed to tie a knot
          

                       KRAMER          
          whoa ginga, you were supposed to
          tie the knot
          

                       ELAINE          
          did something happened?
          

                       GEORGE          
          Tony.. took a bit of a tumble
          

                       ELAINE          
          his face, did something happen
          to his face?
          

                       KRAMER          
          well it all depends on what you
          mean by.. happen
          

                       GEORGE          
          he..he's alive
          

                       KRAMER          

                       YEAH          

                       ELAINE          
          what happened to his face, tell
          me, what happened to his face
          

                       GEORGE          
          you see he slipped, and he landed
          on a kinda of a..
          

                       KRAMER          

                       ROCK          

                       GEORGE          
          yeah.. the ambulance got there
          very quickly
          

                       KRAMER          
          some big rock
          

                       GEORGE          
          we rode along all the way to the
          hospital
          

                       KRAMER          
          yeah I sang 99 bottles of beer
          on the wall
          
          (Elaine rushes out)
          

                       JERRY          
          well aside from that from that,
          how did he like the sandwiches?
          
           
          

                       (TONY'S)          

                       ELAINE          
          so huh, what did the doctors say?
          

                       TONY          
          the said huh.. they said I'm coming
          along (Tony's face is covered by
          bandages)
          

                       ELAINE          
          but what else did they say
          

                       TONY          
          well, they said huh Tony, try to
          keep it clean
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah.. no I mean did they get into
          stuff like a.. long jagged scars
          or.. gross
          
          deformities, major skin grafts,
          stuff like that
          

                       TONY          
          I really don't remember, I was
          kinda out of it for the 1st couple
          of days, I
          
          was on a lot of medications, it
          was kinda like haze, it's pretty
          cool
          

                       ELAINE          
          huh (smiles) but huh, in this medicated
          haze, in this woozy state, um do
          u
          
          recall the words.. radical reconstructive
          surgery being uttered?
          

                       TONY          
          I don't know, I don't know
          

                       ELAINE          
          think Tony, think
          

                       TONY          
          I'm drawing a blank, babe
          
          (knock on door)
          
          (Elaine gets it, it's George)
          

                       ELAINE          
          this isn't a very good time George
          

                       GEORGE          
          I just wanted to talk to Tony for
          a minute (hands Elaine some stuff)
          

                       TONY          
          step off George, I don't wanna
          see you
          

                       GEORGE          
          me? "step off"
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah, Tony says you better step
          off George
          

                       GEORGE          
          but..why, it wasn't my fault, I
          .. you asked me a sandwich, I ..
          I make such
          
          delicious sandwiches Elaine
          

                       TONY          
          just beat it dude!
          

                       GEORGE          
          here here, Superman (hands a comic
          book to Elaine, who passes it to
          Tony)
          
          please, next time it will only
          be the 2 of us
          

                       TONY          
          there won't be any next time George
          

                       GEORGE          
          oh Tony don't
          

                       ELAINE          
          ok step off George, can u just
          step off?
          

                       GEORGE          
          I I just.. but..
          

                       ELAINE          
          Bye bye (shuts the door) oh.. (opens
          it back)
          
          George wait wait
          

                       GEORGE          
          yes?
          

                       ELAINE          
          can you throw this trash out (closes
          the door)
          
           
          

                       (JERRY'S)          
          (Jane is giving Jerry a massage)
          

                       JERRY          
          I've been waiting a while for this.
          
          You know it's a shame Tony got
          all banged up, we're not gonna
          be able to get
          
          together on Saturday night
          

                       JANE          
          that is too bad, what a shame
          

                       JERRY          
          yeah, it's a damn shame, a damn
          shame!
          

                       JANE          
          well maybe he's feeling better
          

                       JERRY          
          yeah without a doubt, I'm down
          
          (Kramer enters)
          

                       JERRY          
          oh hey how're you doing? Jane this
          is my neighbor Kramer
          

                       KRAMER          

                       HEY          

                       JANE          
          hello Kramer (he acts all weird,
          a la Kramer)
          

                       KRAMER          
          well hello Jane
          

                       JANE          
          Jerry told me so much about you,
          I feel like I know you intimately
          

                       KRAMER          
          (very quickly)
          
          oh I don't think so, no we never
          met, I never talked to you before
          on the
          
          phone, alright I'll see you later
          buddy
          

                       JERRY          
          wait, where are you going? where
          are you going?
          

                       KRAMER          
          uptown, to the ?
          

                       JANE          
          oh I'm going uptown too, you wanna
          split a cab?
          

                       KRAMER          
          what about the driver?
          

                       JANE          
          what are you talking about?
          

                       JERRY          
          alright I changed my mind, yeah
          I don't think I'm not gonna go
          now
          

                       JANE          
          well ok I'll see you later, nice
          meeting you
          

                       JERRY          
          what's with you?
          

                       KRAMER          
          that's her
          

                       JERRY          
          who?
          

                       KRAMER          
          Erika, she's Erika
          

                       JERRY          
          oh you think she's Erika, the phone
          sex woman
          

                       KRAMER          
          Jerry, that voice is tattooed on
          my brain, I'm telling you it's
          her
          

                       JERRY          
          oh you're crazy
          

                       KRAMER          
          am I? or am I so sane that you
          just blew your mind?
          

                       JERRY          
          it's impossible
          

                       KRAMER          
          is it? or is it so possible your
          heard is spinning like a top?
          

                       JERRY          
          it can't be
          

                       KRAMER          
          can't it? or is your entire world
          just crashing down all around you?
          

                       JERRY          
          alright that's enough
          

                       KRAMER          
          yeaaaaah!
          
           
          

                       (MONK'S)          

                       ELAINE          
          he's supposed to get the bandages
          off on Sunday.. what if?
          

                       JERRY          
          what?
          

                       ELAINE          
          you know (acts like a monster)
          

                       JERRY          
          oh you're afraid he might look
          like Zippy the pinhead
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah I mean, I mean what is my
          obligation here, you know we were
          just dating,
          
          it was probably gonna be over in
          a couple of weeks anyway
          

                       JERRY          
          oh I though you didn't care about
          his looks
          

                       ELAINE          
          I lied
          

                       JERRY          

                       AHA          

                       ELAINE          
          are you kidding, he's a mimbo I
          know that.. but he's my mimbo,
          you know even
          
          if he is a hideous freak maybe,
          maybe I can learn to love him,
          maybe in some
          
          final irony (Jerry is looking the
          other way), I'll learn what love
          really is.
          
          You know Jerry
          

                       JERRY          
          oh I'm sorry I didn't get most
          of that.. isn't that Kramer over
          there?
          

                       ELAINE          
          yeah, yeah
          

                       JERRY          
          hey Kramer
          

                       KRAMER          
          what? hey (walks by Jerry and Elaine's
          table) it's all set
          

                       JERRY          
          what's all set?
          

                       KRAMER          
          Erika is gonna meet me here, now
          we're gonna find out the truth
          

                       JERRY          
          how's you get her to meet here?
          

                       KRAMER          
          I don't know, we have a certain
          chemistry
          
          (Jane shows up and when she sees
          Jerry, she walks by their table,
          smiling)
          

                       JERRY          
          oh my god
          

                       JANE          
          hi I thought I'd find you here
          

                       JERRY          
          hello.. Erika
          

                       JANE          
          Erika? what are you talking about?
          

                       JERRY          
          how can u say things like that
          over the phone?
          

                       JANE          
          what are you talking about?
          

                       JERRY          
          selling sexual pleasure over the
          phone?
          

                       JANE          
          I sell paper goods you jerk
          

                       JERRY          
          paper goods?
          

                       ELAINE          
          excuse me, do you have a tissue?
          

                       JANE          
          I'm sorry, I can't spare it, there's
          not enough to spare
          
          (Elaine realizes)
          

                       JANE          
          where's the ladies' room (Kramer
          points her)
          

                       ELAINE          
          I have to go to the bathroom too
          (runs to be ahead of Jane)
          
           
          
          (the bathroom)
          

                       JANE          
          oh damn
          

                       ELAINE          
          something.. wrong?
          

                       JANE          
          yeah there's no toilet paper out
          here, I usually check but would
          you mind?
          

                       ELAINE          
          I can't, I don't have it, I don't
          have a square to spare, I can't
          spare a
          

                       SQUARE          

                       JANE          
          wait a minute, I know you
          

                       ELAINE          
          that's right honey, and I know
          you!
          
          (Elaine gets out and she has 2
          rolls of toilet paper)
          

                       JANE          
          no, no, no!!!
          
          (she's out of the bathroom now,
          very satisfied, and walks towards
          Jerry and
          
          gives him the rolls)
          
          ELAINE: here, take it
          

                       JANE          
          (walks out of the bathroom, very
          furious) (to Jerry)
          
          don't call me anymore
          
          (Jerry doesn't say anything and
          waves his hands)
          
          (Jane walks by Kramer and turns
          back)
          

                       JANE          
          (to Kramer, in a very sensual voice)
          
          you either
          
          (sticks her tongue out)
          
          (Kramer and Jerry look at each
          other, with their mouth open)
          
          

                       THE END


The Stall



Writers :   Larry Charles
Genres :   Comedy


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