The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                           THE STOCK TIP



                             Written by

                    Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld


 
               
               
               (Nightclub)

               
                             JERRY
               Went out to dinner the other night. 
               Check came at the end of the meal, as 
               it always does. Never liked the check 
               at the end of the meal system, because
 
               
               
               money's a very different thing before and after you eat. Before 
               you eat money has no value. And you don't care about money when 
               you're hungry, you sit down at a
 
               
               restaurant. You're like the ruler of an empire. "More drinks, 
               appetizers, quickly, quickly! It will be the greatest meal of 
               our lives." Then after the meal, you know,
 
               
               you've got the pants open, you've got the napkins destroyed, 
               cigarette butt in the mashed potatoes - then the check comes 
               at that moment. People are always upset,
 
               
               you know. They're mystified by the check. "What is this? How 
               could this be?" They start passing it around the table, "Does 
               this look right to you? We're not hungry
 
               
               now. Why are we buying all this food?!"

               
                             
               I think Superman probably has a very 
               good sense of humor.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I never heard him say anything really 
               funny.
 
               
                             JERRY
               But it's common sense. He's got super 
               strength, super speed.. I'm sure he's 
               got super humor.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You would think that, but either you're 
               born with a sense of humor, or you're 
               not. It's not going to change even if 
               you go from the red sun of Krypton all
 
               
               
               the way to the yellow sun of the Earth.

               
                             JERRY
               Why? Why would that one area of his 
               mind not be affected by the yellow sun 
               of Earth?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know but he ain't funny.

               
               (Elaine joins them, they check their watches.)

               
                             ELAINE
               I know, I know. I'm sorry I'm late.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No problem.

               
                             ELAINE
               I dropped a grape.

               
                             GEORGE
               Pardon?

               
                             ELAINE
               I dropped a grape in the kitchen and 
               it disappeared. I couldn't find it. 
               I was... I was literally on my knees 
               for ten minutes looking for this stupid 
               grape. I
 
               
               have no idea where it went.

               
                             JERRY
               Were you crying? I mean, it's just a 
               grape. You'll find it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, I'm just getting over an allergy 
               attack. This guy I'm going out with 
               -
 
               
                             JERRY
               Robert.

               
                             ELAINE
               Robert. Yes.. thank you. He has two 
               cats and I'm allergic to them. You know, 
               I finally meet a normal man, and I can't 
               even go into his apartment, you
 
               
               know. And, of course, my apartment is the actor's studio so we 
               can't go there. It's really causing a lot of problems, you know. 
               He won't even go away fro the
 
               
               weekend because of these cats.

               
                             GEORGE
               Guys with cats.. I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               I've been thinking about asking this 
               girl I'm, uh, seeing -
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Vanessa.

               
                             JERRY
               Vanessa, thank you.. I've been thinking 
               about asking her to go away for a couple 
               of days.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh no. No, no,no,no,no. I'd have to 
               advise against that. What do you know 
               this woman, a month? Let's see, you're 
               going to be with her seventy-two
 
               
               hours. That's a dating decathlon.

               
                             ELAINE
               (balancing a spoon on her nose) Hey, 
               why don't you take her to that place 
               in Vermont I was telling you about? 
               You know, that really charming place 
               with
 
               
               the separate faucets for the hot and cold. She'll love it.

               
                             GEORGE
               (To Elaine) That's exquisite. Listen, 
               uh, if it's not too much trouble, could 
               you pass me that paper over there?
 
               
               
               (Elaine gets the paper, he starts flipping through it.)

               
                             JERRY
               You better find that grape before it 
               mutates into another life form. (Elaine 
               laughs) There was once a mutant grape 
               that terrorized an entire town in the 
               Texas
 
               
               panhandle. They brought in the army, nobody could stop it. Apparently 
               it had a pit of steel.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (To himself) Up again?! This is incredible. 
               I'm.. I'm getting it.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You're getting what?

               
                             GEORGE
               A stock.

               
                             JERRY
               What stock?

               
                             GEORGE
               Did you ever meet my friend, Simons?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe.

               
                             GOERGE
               He knows this guy, Wilkinson. He made 
               a fortune in the stock market. Now he's 
               got some new thing - you know, there's 
               supposed to be a big merger.
 
               
               He wasn't even supposed to say anything. You guys should think 
               about doing this too.
 
               
                             JERRY
               How high's it suppose to go?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know. But Simons said that if 
               I wanted to get involved, that Wilkinson 
               would tell me the exact right minute 
               to sell. You wanna do it?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Boy.. I don't know.

               
                             ELAINE
               I'd do it but I don't have any money.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What kind of company is it?

               
                             GEORGE
               It's Sendrax. They've got some new kind 
               of technique for televising opera.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Televising opera?

               
                             GEORGE
               Some sort of electronic thingy.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, how much are you going to invest?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Unsure) Five thousand.. ten. Ten thousand.. 
               Five thousand.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Boy..

               
                             GEORGE
               C'mon. Wilkinson's got millions invested 
               in this stock. It's gone up three points 
               since I've been watching it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What if I lose it?

               
                             GEORGE
               C'mon, go for twenty-five hundred. We'll 
               do it together. Come on, come on. We're 
               in it together.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (gives in) All right -- twenty-five 
               hundred.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That's it.

               
               (Waitress arrives)

               
                             WAITRESS
               Yeah, can I take your order?

               
                             GEORGE
               (Gesturing to Jerry) Check the raiser.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               My bet? All right.. I'll open with a 
               tuna sandwich.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Tuna?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, the dolphin thing?

               
                             ELAINE
               They're dying in the nets.

               
                             JERRY
               Ooohhh.. You know, the whole concept 
               of lunch is based on tuna.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Jerry, can't you incorporate one unselfish 
               act in your daily routine?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, when I'm driving, I let people 
               in ahead of me all the time. I'm always 
               waving everybody in. "Go ahead, go ahead, 
               go ahead." ..Alright.. alright. I'll 
               have
 
               
               a chicken salad.

               
                             ELAINE
               And I'm going to have an English muffin 
               with margarine on the side and a cup 
               of coffee.
 
               
                             WAITRESS
               Okay. (To George) What about you?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'll have the tuna.

               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (A Korean Market)

               
                             JERRY
               I have to say. Those people talking 
               behind us really ruined that movie for 
               me.
 
               
                             VANESSA
               Why didn't you do something?

               
                             JERRY
               What do you want me to do? I have the 
               guy the half-turn. Then I have him the 
               full-turn with the eye roll! I mean, 
               beyond that, I'm risking a punch in 
               the
 
               
               mouth.. (To a stock boy) Excuse me, do you have these in the 
               puffs?
 
               
                             STOCK BOY
               No puffs. Just flakes.

               
                             JERRY
               Have you thought any more about that 
               trip?
 
               
                             VANESSA
               Yeah, I've been thinking about it.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You know, my friend told me about this 
               great place in Vermont.
 
               
                             VANESSA
               I don't know. I just worry about trips 
               like this.. It's a lot of pressure.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               It's great! It speeds up the intimacy 
               level. It's like putting the relationship 
               in a time compressor. Where we would 
               be six months from now we accomplish
 
               
               
               (snaps) three days.

               
                             VANESSA
               Oh, so you want to move our relationship 
               into Phase Two..?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Exactly. I love Phase Two. Extra toothbrushes, 
               increased call frequency, walking around 
               naked.. You know, the presents get a 
               lot better in Phase Two.
 
               
                             VANESSA
               (Starting to like the idea) Really? 
               Could we go fishing up there?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. We can fish. What? Blues, carp, 
               marlin?
 
               
                             VANESSA
               They have marlin in Vermont?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, big fighting marlin.

               
               (Jerry picks up a paper)

               
                             VANESSA
               Jerry, the stock is the same as when 
               you checked it earlier. There are no 
               changes after the market closes. The 
               stock is still down.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I know. But this is a different paper. 
               I thought maybe they have, uh, different.. 
               sources.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Jerry's apartment. Jerry's looking at a road map; Kramer is 
               looking at the paper)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is that my paper?

               
                             KRAMER
               Bad news, my friend.

               
                             JERRY
               What? What news?

               
                             KRAMER
               Sendrax.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, c'mon! It's down again?!

               
                             KRAMER
               Two and a half points.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, I can't believe it. Let me see that. 
               (Looks at the paper) That's four and 
               a half points in three days! That's 
               almost half my money!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, I told ya.

               
                             JERRY
               (Sarcastic) Yeah, you told me.

               
                             KRAMER
               It's all manipulated with junk bonds. 
               You can't win.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Holding the phone, calling George) 
               There's one thing I don't understand. 
               Why does it please you? (Into phone) 
               George Costanza, please.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, I don't care. I'm just telling 
               you to (yelling) get rid of that stock, 
               now!
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Into phone) George, what's going on?!
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Sell it, just say I'm selling!

               
                             JERRY
               (Into phone) Well, where is the guy?! 
               Nothing? Almost half my money's gone.. 
               Well, call me right back. (Hangs up) 
               Nobody can reach Wilkinson. He
 
               
               hasn't been home or in his office in the past three days!

               
                             KRAMER
               You know, I can't believe you put your 
               money in that Sendrax. And you could've 
               invested in my roll-out tie dispenser.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Roll-out tie dispenser? What was that 
               one?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Okay, you're in a restaurant. You've 
               got a very big meeting coming up.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Okay.

               
                             KRAMER
               You just (makes noise) tear it off, 
               and you got a new one right here. Then 
               you're gone.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're gone alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Looking at map) Hey, where.. where 
               are you going? You gonna take a trip? 
               The map.. what..
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I'm going to Vermont with Vanessa 
               for a few days.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hey, can I use your place? I got a bunch 
               of friends coming over this weekend.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What friends?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's just some people I met at 
               a rock concert.
 
               
               (Phone rings)

               
                             KRAMER
               Do you mind if they use your bed? (Jerry 
               give him a look) 'Cause they're really 
               good people, Jerry. I'm telling you. 
               You know, they're anarchists.
 
               
               They're.. they're.. they're.. huge.

               
               (Jerry answers phone)

               
                             JERRY
               George.. what?! You're kidding.. Well, 
               what's wrong?.. So, what are we gonna 
               do?.. Great! Alright, I'll speak to 
               you later. (Hangs up) Wilkinson, the 
               guy
 
               
               who's supposed to tell us when to sell the stock, he's in the 
               hospital.
 
               
               (Kramer has a pleased reaction on his face)

               
               (Scene ends)

               
               (Dry-Cleaning store; Jerry and George are in line)

               
                             JERRY
               So you don't know what's wrong with 
               him?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               All Simons was able to find out is that 
               he's in the hospital.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Okay, fine. Has Simons been in touch 
               with him?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Of course he's been in touch with him. 
               He's left two messages. He just hasn't 
               heard back yet, that's all.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, this is it. I'm selling.

               
                             GEORGE
               Just give it a little more time.

               
                             JERRY
               I never should've gotten involved in 
               this. I'm a nervous wreck. I"m not cut 
               out for investing.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Alright, alright. That's it. I'm gonna 
               go down there.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Where?

               
                             GEORGE
               To the hospital.

               
                             JERRY
               The hospital?

               
                             GEORGE
               I'm going to find out what's going on. 
               Alright?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Are you nuts? You don't even know they 
               guy.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So what? I'll start talking to him, 
               you know, casual, and I'll work my way 
               around to it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What if he's in an iron lung or something? 
               What are you gonna do? (knocking on 
               glass) "How you feeling, Mr. Wilkinson? 
               (makes hissing sound) By the
 
               
               way, what's happening with Sendrax?"

               
                             GEORGE
               Maybe he's resting.

               
                             JERRY
               Who goes to the hospital to rest?

               
                             GEORGE
               What are you, a doctor?

               
                             JERRY
               Okay, fine, fine. When are you going 
               down there?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Today. I'm going today. Just don't do 
               anything until you hear from me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
               (Jerry moves up in line, a woman takes his place. George didn't 
               notice)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (To woman, thinking she's Jerry) Boy, 
               I have to get to a bathroom.
 
               
               (Woman gives him a look)

               
                             DRY CLEANER
               May I help you?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. I picked up this shirt here yesterday. 
               It's completely shrunk. There's absolutely 
               no way I can wear it.
 
               
                             DRY CLEANER
               When did you bring it in?

               
                             JERRY
               What's the difference? Look at it! Do 
               you see the size of this shirt?!
 
               
                             DRY CLEANER
               You got a receipt?

               
                             JERRY
               I can't find the receipt.

               
                             DRY CLEANER
               You should get the receipt.

               
                             JERRY
               Look, forget about the receipt, all 
               right? Even if I had the receipt- look 
               at it! It's a hand puppet. What am I 
               gonna do with this?!
 
               
                             DRY CLEANER
               Yes, but how do I know we did the shirt?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What do you think this is a little scam 
               I have? I take this tiny shirt all over 
               the city conning dry cleaners out of 
               money?! In fact, forget the money. I 
               don't even
 
               
               want the money. I just once, I would like to hear a dry cleaner 
               admit that something was their fault. That's what I want. I want 
               an admission of guilt.
 
               
                             DRY CLEANER
               Maybe you asked for it to be washed?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No.. dry-cleaned.

               
                             DRY CLEANER
               Let me explain to you something. Okay? 
               With certain types of fabrics, different 
               chemicals can react, causing..
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Interrupting) You shrunk it! You know 
               you shrunk it! Just tell me that you 
               shrunk it!
 
               
                             DRY CLEANER
               I shrunk it.

               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               I think the only reason we go to the 
               dry cleaner is so I can say to the dry 
               cleaner, "Well, it's ruined." And of 
               course, the dry cleaner can respond, 
               "It's not
 
               
               our fault. We're not responsible. We just ruin the clothes. That 
               ends our legal obligation." You see, the whole problem with dry 
               cleaning is that we all believe that this
 
               
               is actually possible. Right? They're cleaning our clothes - but 
               they're not getting anything wet. It's all dry. I know there's 
               gotta be some liquids back there, some fluids
 
               
               that they're using. There's no such thing as dry cleaning. When 
               you get something on your shirt, ever get something on your shirt 
               and try to get it off like that (brushes
 
               
               shirt) - that's dry cleaning. I don't think that's what they're 
               doing back there. They don't have eighty guys going (with imaginary 
               brush) "Come on, hurry up! There's a
 
               
               lot of shirts today."

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Elaine sneezes)

               
                             JERRY
               Bless you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Thank you. What evidence is there that 
               cats are so smart, anyway? Huh? What 
               do they do? Because they're clean? I 
               am sorry. My Uncle Pete showers
 
               
               four times a day and he can't count to ten. So don't give me 
               hygiene.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So what are you gonna do?

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know. I can't think of any solution, 
               unless of course they should meet with 
               some unfortunate accident. What do you 
               think a hit man would charge to
 
               
               rub out a couple of cats?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, it couldn't be too expensive. 
               Thirteen, fourteen bucks a cat?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What do you think, Jerry? You wanna 
               make twenty-eight bucks?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm no cat killer.

               
                             ELAINE
               How about we go over there right now 
               and we shave them?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'd really like to go, Elaine. But, 
               George is coming back from the hospital. 
               I gotta wait for him. But otherwise 
               I would definitely go.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               He actually wen to the hospital?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh man, he's nuts.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, he's nuts. You wanta bump off 
               a couple of cats. (Enter Kramer, holding 
               a paper) I know, I know. It's down again.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               How much are you down altogether?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know.. fifteen hundred dollars.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Wow.

               
                             JERRY
               You don't have to say "Wow." I know 
               it's "Wow." And there's that smile again. 
               Well, what is that?
 
               
               (Intercom buzzes)

               
                             JERRY
               It's George. (Presses button to let 
               George in.)
 
               
               (Elaine goes into the bathroom; kramer picks up some binoculars 
               and looks ou the window)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, look at this one by the bus stop. 
               Jerry, come here. Take a look at this.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I really don't need to look.

               
                             KRAMER
               What a body. Yeeaahh.. that's for me.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, and you're just what she's looking 
               for too - a stranger leering through 
               a pair of binoculars ten floors up.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I'm gonna go down there and try and 
               talk to her. (leaves)
 
               
               (Enter George; he flops onto the couch)

               
                             JERRY
               What? What? Did you go down there? (George 
               nods) Did he tell you what's gonna happen? 
               (George shakes his head "no".) How long 
               were you there?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Fifteen seconds.

               
                             JERRY
               You told him you knew Simons?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, I mentioned Simons. Next thing 
               I know - I'm in the parking lot. Perhaps 
               they had some sort of a falling out. 
               I'll tell you one thing.. I don't know
 
               
               
               what he's got. But for a sick guy, he's very strong.

               
               (Elaine exits bathroom)

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's it. Look, I'm going to 
               Vermont. I don't want to think about 
               this. I'm selling.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Didn't work, huh?

               
                             GEORGE
               (Laughs) Not quite.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, what are you gonna do about the 
               stock?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm keeping it. I'm going down with 
               the ship.
 
               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Country Inn)

               
                             JERRY
               So I know this guy. I'm getting all 
               my sneakers at a discount now.
 
               
                             VANESSA
               I know. You mentioned it.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, right. (To himself) Oh God. 
               Get me out of here. What a mistake. 
               What made me think this would work? 
               And I've still got another day! I've 
               got
 
               
               nothing left to say. Wait.. wait.. got one. (To Vanessa) That's 
               a nice watch. Do you wind it?
 
               
                             VANESSA
               No, it's got a little battery.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's good. (To himself) Well, 
               the drive home should be a delight. 
               I'm speeding the whole way. Let them 
               throw me in jail. I don't care. (To 
               Vanessa)
 
               
               That' the manager? Do you wnat me to see if we can get another 
               room?
 
               
                             VANESSA
               No, it's okay.

               
                             JERRY
               So, I guess you don't find the separate 
               faucets for the hot and cold - charming?
 
               
               
                             VANESSA
               Not especially.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, what do you wnat to do this afternoon?
 
               
               
                             VANESSA
               What can we do? It's raining.

               
                             JERRY
               We cold play "Sorry!" We cold play "Steal 
               the Old Man's Bundle." (To himself) 
               Maybe I can get an extension cord and 
               hang myself. (To Vanessa) What
 
               
               kind of perfume is that you're wearing?

               
                             VANESSA
               Oh, you've never heard of it.

               
                             JERRY
               No, what? What kind is it?

               
                             VANESSA
               I can't tell you.

               
                             JERRY
               (To himself) Yeah, that's normal. (Out 
               loud, to a man nearby) Excuse me, Sir. 
               Could I have a look at that business 
               section?
 
               
                             VANESSA
               That stock? I thought you got out of 
               that?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I did. I'm just curious. It's been almost 
               a week. I want to check it out. (finds 
               stock) Six points. It's up six points!
 
               
               
                             VANESSA
               I told you not to sell.

               
                             JERRY
               You did not tell me not to sell.

               
                             VANESSA
               I said, the market fluctuates. Remember?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Look, Vanessa, of course the market 
               fluctuates. Everybody knows that. I 
               just got fluctuated out of four thousand 
               dollars!
 
               
                             VANESSA
               That's probably why.. (stops herself)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What?

               
                             VANESSA
               Forget it.

               
                             JERRY
               No, what? 'That's probably why..'

               
                             VANESSA
               That's probably why we're staying here, 
               because you lost money on the stock.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (To himself) So, what am I looking at 
               here? Twenty=nine hours to go. Well, 
               at least I got plenty of time to find 
               out the name of that purfume..
 
               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Coffee shop)

               
                             GEORGE
               Have something else. C'mon, have a little 
               dessert?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm good, thanks.

               
                             GEORGE
               Elaine, get something! It's all taken 
               care of.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm kinda full.

               
                             GEORGE
               So don't finish it.

               
                             JERRY
               (acidly) She's full. (George puts up 
               his hands in an "excuse me" gesture.) 
               So, Big daddy. I'm just curious. How 
               much did you clear on your little trasaction
 
               
               
               there? All told?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't like to discuss figures.

               
                             JERRY
               How much?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know, what? Eight thousand. 
               It's a Hyundai. Get out of here.. I 
               told you not to sell. Simons made money, 
               Wilkinson cleaned up.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So, Wilkinson's out of the hospital 
               now?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No. You'd be surprised. You don't recover 
               that quickly from a nose job.
 
               
               (Elaine sneezes)

               
                             JERRY
               Is taht still from the cats?

               
                             ELAINE
               No, I just have a cold.

               
                             JERRY
               So, what ever happened with that?

               
                             ELAINE
               I gave him an ultimatum. (Shrugs)

               
                             GEORGE
               He chose the cats?

               
                             ELAINE
               They're very clean animals.

               
                             JERRY
               I gotta say, that's pretty sad. Losing 
               out to a cat.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Almost as bad as losing out to a perfume.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I told you those trips were relationship 
               killers. Too bad you can't get your 
               buddy Superman to fly around the Earth 
               at super speed and reverse time.
 
               
               You'd get all the money back - you could have avoided the whole 
               trip to Vermont.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Superman can go back in time?

               
                             JERRY
               We went over that.

               
                             GEORGE
               Wilkinson's got a bite on a new one.. 
               Petramco Corp. Out of, hu, Springfield. 
               I think. They're about to introduce 
               some sort of robot butcher.
 
               
                             JERRY
               A robot butcher?

               
                             GOERGE
               Shhhhh. If you want to get in - there's 
               very little time. (Calling to waitress) 
               Sweetheart.. (Waitress tears of check, 
               George stops her) No, no, no. That'
 
               
               
               ought to coever it. (He hands her some money, she turns to leave, 
               George stops her) Just a second.. Just a.. let me.. (looks at 
               the check, then take some money out
 
               
               of her hand.) (Urging Jerry and Elaine to eat) Come on, come 
               on, come on..
 
               
               (Scene ends.)

               
               (Night club)

               
                             JERRY
               I'm not an investor. People always tell 
               me, you should have your money working 
               for you. I've decided I'll do the work. 
               I'm gonna let the money relax. You
 
               
               
               know what I mean? 'Cause you send your money out there - working 
               for you - a lot of times, it gets fired. You go back there, "What 
               happened? I had my money. It
 
               
               was here, it was working for me." "Yeah, I remember your money. 
               Showing up late. Taking time off. We had to let him go."
 
               
               
               
               
                           THE END





The Stock Tip



Writers :   Larry David  Jerry Seinfeld
Genres :   Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy