The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                           THE STRIKE



                           Written by

              Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer & Dan O'Keefe




 
               
               
                             
               (Tim Whatley's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               So.. Whatley's still Jewish, huh?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, sure. Without the parents, it's 
               a breeze.
 
               
               (Elaine laughs, Whatley enters)

               
                             TIM
               Hey! Happy Chanukah!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Tim. Great party.

               
               (Tim holds up a mistletoe)

               
                             TIM
               (Suggesting a kiss to Elaine) eh?

               
                             ELAINE
               (Shrugging it off) eh.

               
                             TIM
               (Accepting) Oh. (Turns to George) Hey, 
               George, thanks again for getting me 
               those Yankee tickets.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, yeah. Still in good with the ground 
               crew. (Laghs)
 
               
                             TIM
               (Notices a woman walking by) Oh, hey, 
               listen, I'd better circulate.. (moving 
               over to the woman) Happy Chanukah, Tiffany! 
               (they both move off camera)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               This place is like Studio 54 with a 
               menorah.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm gonna get some more of these kosher 
               cocktail franks.. (leaves)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh.. (sees a guy looking at her) I got 
               denim vest checking me out. (laughs) 
               Fake phone number's coming out tonight.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You have a standard fake?

               
                             ELAINE
               Mm-hmm.

               
                             JERRY
               (Notices an attractive woman walking 
               by, starts to follow her) That's neat.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Holds onto Jerry's arm) No, please! 
               Denim vest! He's smoothing it! Jerry! 
               God! (Jerry excapes Elaine's grasp, 
               moves over to the woman. The man
 
               
               wearing a denim vest moves over to Elaine.)

               
                             DENIM VEST
               Hi!

               
               (Scene cuts to Jerry talking to the woman)

               
                             JERRY
               Hi, I'm Jerry.

               
                             WOMAN
               Hi. JERRY: You might not know it to 
               look at me, but I can run really, really 
               fast.
 
               
               (Scene cuts to Elaine)

               
                             ELAINE
               Nice vest. I like the.. big metal buttons
 
               
               
                             DENIM VEST
               They're snaps. Listen, maybe we should, 
               uh, go out some time?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Why don't I give you my phone number?
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Coffee Shop)

               
               (George enters)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey! How'd it go with the cocktail franks?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Great! I ate the entire platter! Had 
               to call in sick today.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Didn't you call in sick yesterday?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, I work for Kruger Industrial Smoothing: 
               "We don't care, and it shows."
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Notices George brought hhis mail) You're 
               gonna open your mail here?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, at least I'm bringing something 
               to this. (Starts flipping through envelopes, 
               reads one ) "Have you seen me?" (Flicks 
               it aside) Nope. (looks at next
 
               
               envelope) Woah, something from Whatley.

               
                             JERRY
               See? You give, and you get.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Reading the card from Whatley) "This 
               holiday season a donation has been made 
               in your name to the Children's Alliance."?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, that's nice.

               
                             GEORGE
               I got him Yankee's tickets! He got me 
               a piece of paper saying "I've given 
               your gift to someone else!"
 
               
                             JERRY
               To a children's charity!

               
                             GEORGE
               Don't you see how wrong that is?! Where's 
               your Christmas spirit? And eye for an 
               eye!
 
               
               (Elaine enters)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
               (Waitress moves tward the table)

               
                             ELAINE
               (To waitress) Oh, nothing for me. (Waitress 
               leaves) I'm going to "Atomic Sub" later.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               "Atomic Sub"? Why are you eating there?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I got a card, and they stamp it every 
               time I buy a sub. 24 stamps, and I become 
               a submarine (makes a gesture) captain.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What does that mean?

               
                             ELAINE
               (Embarrassed) Free sub.

               
               (George lets out a depressed sigh while reading a card)

               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             GEORGE
               Nothing. It's a card from my dad.

               
                             ELAINE
               What is it? (Grabs the card from George, 
               he tries to stop her, but fails. She 
               reads it out loud.) "Dear son, Happy 
               Festivus." What is Festivus?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               It's nothing, stop it..

               
                             JERRY
               When George was growing up..

               
                             GEORGE
               (Interrupting) Jerry, No!

               
                             JERRY
               His father..

               
                             GEORGE
               No!

               
                             JERRY
               Hated all the commercial and religious 
               aspects of Christmas, so he made up 
               his own holiday.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ohhhh.. and another piece of the puzzle 
               falls into place.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (pleading) Alright..

               
                             JERRY
               And instead of a tree, didn't your father 
               put up an aluminum pole?
 
               
               (Elaine starts laughing uncontrollably - and continues to do 
               so)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Jerry! Stop it!

               
                             JERRY
               And weren't there a feats of strength 
               that always ended up with you crying?
 
               
               
               (Jerry joins in with Elaine's laughter)

               
                             GEORGE
               I can't take it anymore! I'm going to 
               work! ARe you happy now?! (Gathers his 
               things, and runs out of the coffee shop. 
               Elaine and Jerry laugh hysterically)
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Elaine is digging into her purse)

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, I can't believe it! I've lost my 
               "Atomic Sub" card!.. Oh no! I bet I 
               wrote that fake number on the back of 
               it when I gave it to denim vest!
 
               
                             JERRY
               So?

               
                             ELAINE
               I've eaten 23 bad subs, I just need 
               1 more! It's like a long, bad movie, 
               but you want to see the end of it!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, you walk out.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, then, it's like a boring book, 
               but you gotta finish it.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, you wait for the movie!

               
                             ELAINE
               (Irritated, and through clinched teeth) 
               I want that free sub.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You don't need the card. High-end hoagie 
               outfit like that, it's all computerized! 
               (Snaps) They're cloning sheep now.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (Correcting) No, they're not cloning 
               sheep. It's the same sheep! I saw Harry 
               Blackstone do that trick with two goats 
               and a handkerchief on the old Dean
 
               
               
               Martin show!

               
                             JERRY
               So, why don't you just try your blow-off 
               number and see if he's called it?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               That's a good idea.

               
               (Kramer's cordless phone rings, startling him. He digs through 
               his coat, and pulls it out of the pocket)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Answering phone) Yeah, Go! Wha.. really? 
               Yeah, ok. Yeah! Bye. (Hangs up) Great 
               news! Yeah, the strike has been settled. 
               I'm going back to work.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What strike?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, H&H Bagels. That's where I worked.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               You?

               
                             ELAINE
               Worked?

               
                             JERRY
               Bagels?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah. Look, see. I still have my business 
               card. (Pulls it out, hands it to Elaine) 
               Yeah, we've been on strike for 12 years.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, I remember seeing those guys picketing 
               out there, but I haven't seen them in 
               a long time.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, well, H&H wouldn't let us use 
               their bath room while we were picketing. 
               It put a cramp on our solidarity.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What were your.. demands?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, 5.35 an hour. And that's what 
               they're paying now.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I believe that's the new minimum wage.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Now you know who to thank for that!.. 
               Alright, I've got to go. (Heads for 
               the door)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why didn't you ever mention this?

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, I didn't want you to know I was 
               out of work. It's embarrassing! (Leaves) 
               (Scene ends)
 
               
                             
               H&H Bagel Shop)

               
               (Kramer walks through the door)

               
                             KRAMER
               All right, everybody! I'm back!

               
                             MANAGER
               Who are you?

               
                             KRAMER
               Cosmo Kramer.. strikes over.

               
                             MANAGER
               Oh yeah! Kramer.

               
                             KRAMER
               Huh.. wha- Didn't any of the guys come 
               back?
 
               
                             MANAGER
               NO, I"m sure they all got jobs.. like, 
               ten years ago.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, man. Makes you wonder what it was 
               all for..
 
               
                             MANAGER
               I could use someone for the holidays..
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Alright! Toss me an apron, let's bagel! 
               (Takes off his coat, puts it in the 
               display case, then turns to see a plate 
               full of bagels.) What are those?
 
               
                             MANAGER
               Those are rasin bagels.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Picks one up, he's mesmerized) I never 
               thought I'd live to see that..
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Horse Track Betting)

               
               (Elaine confronts two unattractive bookies)

               
                             ELAINE
               So, anyway, I've been giving out your 
               number as my standard fake.
 
               
                             BOOKIE
               So. You're Elaine Benes. We've been 
               getting calls fro you for 5 years.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               So, listen, when this guy calls, if 
               you could just give him my real number..
 
               
               
                             BOOKIE
               (Interrupting) Hey, Charlie! Guess who's 
               here. Elaine Benes.
 
               
               (Co-Worker in the back speaks up)

               
                             CHARLIE
               Elaine Benes?!

               
               (Various other men in the line behind Elaine say the same thing)
 
               
               
                             BOOKIE
               You make a lot of man friends. You know 
               who's a man? Charlie here, he's a man. 
               You know who else? Me. I'm a man.
 
               
               
                             CHARLIE
               (faintly) I'm a man.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ohh.. my..

               
                             BOOKIE
               I'll have this best guy call your real 
               number. You just, uh, give it to me. 
               And that way, I'll have it. (Slides 
               a pad over to Elaine so she can write 
               it down)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               My number? Ohh.. (looks at Kramer's 
               business card) Okay.. Uh, well, there 
               you go. (writes H&H's number down) And, 
               uh, tell you what.. (looks at the
 
               
               
               board in the back) put a sawbuck on Captain Nemo in the third 
               at Belmont.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               classy restaurant)

               
               (Jerry and Tim Whatley meet)

               
                             TIM
               Hey, Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Tim.

               
                             TIM
               What's up?

               
                             JERRY
               Actually, I'm having dinner with a girl 
               I met at your party.
 
               
                             TIM
               Mazel Tov.

               
               (Jerry's date, Gwen, arrives. She's completely unattractive)
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               Jerry.. hi.

               
                             JERRY
               Gwen?

               
                             GWEN
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               (Not willing to believe how much uglier 
               she is) Really?
 
               
                             GWEN
               Yeah! Come on, our table is ready.
 
               
               
               (Tim gives Jerry a face - almost like he feels sorry for Jerry)
 
               
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Jerry's apartment)

               
                             GEORGE
               So, attractive one day - not attractive 
               the next?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Have you come across this?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yes, I am familiar with this syndrome 
               -- she's a two-face.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Relating) Like the Batman villain?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Annoyed) If that helps you..

               
                             JERRY
               So, if I ask her out again - I don't 
               know who's showing up: The good, the 
               bad, or the ugly.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Identifying what Jerry said) Clint 
               Eastwood!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, check this out. I gotta give out 
               Christmas presents to everyone down 
               at Kruger, so I'm pulling a Whatley. 
               (Give a Christmas card to Jerry)
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Reading it) "A donation has been made 
               in your name to the Human Fund." - What 
               is that?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (With pride) Made it up.

               
                             JERRY
               (Continuing reading) "The Human Fund. 
               Money for people."
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What do you think?

               
                             JERRY
               It has a certain understated stupidity.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (Once again, Identifying) The Outlaw 
               of Josey Whales!
 
               
                             JERRY
               ..Yeah.

               
               (Enter Kramer)

               
               (He is holding a sack full of bagels)

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, gentlemen.. bagels on the house!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               How was your first day?

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, fantastic! (Jerry and George both 
               pick out a bagel) It felt so good to 
               get my hands back in taht dough.
 
               
               (Jerry and George stop before they take a bite from their bagels)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Your hands were in the dough?

               
                             KRAMER
               No, I didn't make these bagels. (Jerry 
               and George both take a bite) Yeah, they're 
               day-olds. The homeless won't even touch 
               them. (Jerry and George
 
               
               stop eating) Oh, we try to fool them by putting a few fresh ones 
               on top, but they dig.. they, they test.
 
               
               (George spits his bagel out)

               
                             GEORGE
               Alright. Uh, well, I'm out of here. 
               (Gets up to leave)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Happy Festivus!

               
                             KRAMER
               What's Festivus?

               
                             JERRY
               When George was growing up..

               
                             GEORGE
               (Interrupting) No!

               
                             JERRY
               His father..

               
                             GEORGE
               Stop it! It's nothing. It's a stupid 
               holiday my father invented. It doesn't 
               exist!
 
               
               (Elaine enters while George is exiting)

               
                             ELAINE
               Happy Festivus, Georgie.

               
               (George leaves yelling out "God!")

               
                             KRAMER
               Frank invented a holiday? He's so prolific!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer, listen, I got a little phone 
               relay going, so, if a guy calls H&H 
               and he's looking for me, you take a 
               message.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're still trying to gget that free 
               sub?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey! I have spent a lot of time, and 
               I have eaten a lot of crap to get to 
               where I am today. And I am NOT throwing 
               it all away now.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Is there a captain's hat involved in 
               this?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Maybe.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               H&H Bagel Shop)

               
                             FRANK
               Kramer, I got your message. I haven't 
               celebrated Festivus in years! What is 
               your interest?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, just tell me everything, huh?
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               Many Christmases ago, I went to buy 
               a doll for my son. I reach for the last 
               one they had - but so did another man. 
               As I rained blows opon him, I realized
 
               
               
               there had to be another way!

               
                             KRAMER
               What happened to the doll?

               
                             FRANK
               It was destroyed. But out of that, a 
               new holiday was born. "A Festivus for 
               the rest of us!"
 
               
                             KRAMER
               That musta been some kind of doll.
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               She was.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Kruger Office Building)

               
               (George is in the hallway, dispensing his made-up gifts)

               
                             GEORGE
               Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas! (Co-worker 
               gives a gift to George) Oh, Sandy! Here 
               is a little something for you.. (hands 
               her a card)
 
               
                             SANDY
               (After reading the cheap gift, she's 
               suddenly unimpressed) ..Oh.. thanks. 
               (Walks off)
 
               
               (George passes an open doorway)

               
                             GEORGE
               Phil, I loved those cigars! Incoming! 
               (Flicks his card tward Phil)
 
               
                             PHIL
               Ow!

               
               (George meets up with Kruger)

               
                             GEORGE
               Aw, Mr. Kruger, Sir. Merry Christmas! 
               (Hands him a card)
 
               
                             KRUGER
               Not if you could see our books.. what's 
               this?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               The Human Fund.

               
                             KRUGER
               Whatever. (Walks off)

               
                             GEORGE
               Exactly. (Sees an off-camera co-worker) 
               Erica!
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               H&H Bagel Shop)

               
               (Frank is still telling Kramer about Festivus)

               
                             FRANK
               And at the Festivus dinner, you gather 
               your family around, and you tell them 
               all the ways they have disappointed 
               you over the past year.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Is there a tree?

               
                             FRANK
               No. Instead, there's a pole. It requires 
               not decoration. I find tinsel distracting.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Frank, this new holiday of yours is 
               scratching me right where I itch.
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               Let's do it then! Festivus is back! 
               I'll get the pole out of the crawl space. 
               (Turns to leave, meets up with Elaine)
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hello, Frank.

               
                             FRANK
               Hello, woman. (leaves)

               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer! Kramer.. any word from the vest?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               No. (To manager of H&H) Ah, listen, 
               Harry, I need the 23rd off.
 
               
                             MANAGER
               Hey! I hired you to work during the 
               holidays. This is the holidays.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               But it's Festivus.

               
                             MANAGER
               What?

               
                             KRAMER
               You know you're infringing on my right 
               to celebrate new holidays..
 
               
                             MANAGER
               That's not a right.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, it's going to be! Because I'm 
               going back on strike. Come on Elaine. 
               (Takes of his apron, and goes for his 
               coat) It's a walk out!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, I got to stay here and wait for 
               the call.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What? You're siding with management?!
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               No, I just..

               
                             KRAMER
               (Interrupting) Scab! Scab! (pointing 
               at Elaine) Scab!
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Taxi Cab)

               
               (Gwen joins Jerry in the cab. She's in her attractive state)
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Boy, am I glad to see you.

               
                             GWEN
               You were expecting someone else?

               
                             JERRY
               You never know.

               
                             GWEN
               (To driver) You know, you might want 
               to take the tunnel.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So, uh, what do you feel like eating? 
               Chinese or Italian?
 
               
               (All the sudden, Gwen is extremely ugly)

               
                             GWEN
               I can go either way.

               
                             JERRY
               (Shocked) You're telling me.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               the Coffee Shop)

               
                             GEORGE
               So, she was switching? Back and forth?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Actually, the only place she always 
               looked good was in that back booth over 
               there.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               So, just bring her here. This is all 
               you really need.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I can't just keep bringing her to the 
               coffee shop. I mean, what if things, 
               you know, progress?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Lights out.

               
                             JERRY
               Alright, I'll give it a shot! I do really 
               like this coffee shop. Nice cuff links, 
               by the way.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Pointing to them) Office Christmas 
               gift. I tell you, this Human Fund is 
               a gold mine!
 
               
                             JERRY
               That's not a french cuff shirt, you 
               know.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I know. I cut the button off and poked 
               a hole with a letter opener.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, that's classy.

               
               (Frank and Kramer enter. Frank is dragging an aluminum pole)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, Happy Festivus.

               
                             GEORGE
               What is that? Is taht the pole?!

               
                             FRANK
               George, Festivus is your heritage - 
               it's part of who you are.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (Sulking) That's why I hate it.

               
                             KRAMER
               There's a big dinner Tuesday night at 
               Frank's house - everyone's invited.
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               George, you're forgetting how much Festivus 
               has meant to us all. I brought one of 
               the casette tapes. (Franks pushes play, 
               George as a child celebrating
 
               
               Festivus is heard)

               
                             FRANK
               Read that poem.

               
                             GEORGE
               (Complaining) I can't read it. I need 
               my glasses!
 
               
                             FRANK
               You don't need glasses, you're just 
               weak! You're weak!
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               Leave him alone!

               
                             FRANK
               Alright, George. It's time for the feats 
               of strength.
 
               
               (George has a break down)

               
                             GEORGE
               No! No! Turn it off! No feats of strength! 
               (Gets up and starts running out of the 
               coffee shop) I hate Festivus!
 
               
                             FRANK
               We had some good times.

               
               (Gwen walks in, and greets Jerry. She's in her unattractive state)
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               I there. This is Kramer, and Frank.
 
               
               
                             GWEN
               Hi.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Shocked at her ugliness, he stammers) 
               Hello.
 
               
                             GWEN
               So, you ready to go?

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, why don't we stay here? The back 
               booth just opened up. (They both walk 
               to the booth and sit down. Suddenly, 
               Gwen is attractive) Now this is a good
 
               
               
               looking booth.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               H&H Bagel Shop)

               
               (Kramer is picketing out side.)

               
                             KRAMER
               Protect Festivus! Hey, no bagels, no 
               bagels, no bagels, (Continues to chant)
 
               
               
               (Cut to inside the store)

               
                             MANAGER
               (To a waiting Elaine) Lady, if you want 
               a sandwich, I'll make you a sandwich.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (Whining) I want the one that I earned. 
               (Phone rings) I'll get it. I'll get 
               it! (Into phone) H&H, and Elaine.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               (From a phone booth right outside the 
               store) Elaine, you should get out of 
               there. I sabotaged the bagel machine 
               last night. It's going down.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What did you do?

               
                             KRAMER
               You've been warned.

               
               (Elaine looks out the window, and sees Kramer at the pay phone)
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, hi! (Waves at him)

               
               (Steam starts coming from a pipe on the machine. Elaine hangs 
               up)
 
               
                             WORKER
               Hey, the steam valve's broke.

               
                             MANAGER
               Can we still make bagels?

               
                             WORKER
               Sure. It's just a little steamy.

               
               (Kramer knocks on the shop door)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey! How do you like your bagels now?!
 
               
               
               (No one inside seems to care. Kramer waits by the door to see 
               if anyone was affected)
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Kruger Building)

               
                             KRUGER
               George, I got something for you. (Pulls 
               a check from his pocket) I'm suppose 
               to find a charity and throw some of 
               the company's money at it. They all
 
               
               
               seem the same to me, so, what's the difference? (Hands the check 
               to George)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               20 thousand dollars?

               
                             KRUGER
               Made out to the Human Fund. (Tries to 
               enter his office, but it's locked) Oh, 
               damn. I've locked myself out of my office 
               again. Oh well. I'm going home.
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Coffee Shop)

               
                             GWEN
               Jerry, how many times do we have to 
               come to this.. place?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why? It's our place.

               
                             GWEN
               I just found a rubber band in my soup.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh.. I know who's cooking today!

               
               (Enter George)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey! Surprise, surprise!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Georgie!

               
                             GWEN
               I think I'm just gonna go.

               
                             JERRY
               I'll be here.

               
               (Gwen leaves)

               
                             GEORGE
               (Sees Gwen's meal) Hey, soup.

               
                             JERRY
               She didn't touch it.

               
               (George spoons through his soup, and finds a rubber band)

               
                             GEORGE
               Ohh.. Paco! (Flicks rubber band tward 
               the kitchen) Hey, take a look at this. 
               (Hands Jerry Kruger's check)
 
               
                             JERRY
               20 thousand dollars from Kruger? You're 
               not keeping this.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know.

               
                             JERRY
               Excuse me?

               
                             GEORGE
               I've been doing a lot of thinking. This 
               might be my chance to start giving something 
               back.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You want to give something back? Start 
               with the 20 thousand dollars.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm serious.

               
                             JERRY
               You're going to start your own charity?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I think I could be a philanthropist. 
               a kick ass philanthropist! I would have 
               all this money, and people would love 
               me. Then they would come to me.. and
 
               
               
               beg! And if I felt like it, I would help them out. And then they 
               would owe me big time! (Thinking to himself) .. First thing I'm 
               gonna need is a driver..
 
               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Outside H&H Bagels)

               
               (Kramer is chanting 'no bagels, no bagels..' Elaine walks out, 
               her make-up is distorted, and her face is pale because of the 
               steam)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Kramer, the vest just called.

               
                             KRAMER
               (Shocked by the way Elaine looks) Yama 
               - Hama! It's fright night!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, yeah, I got a little steam bath. 
               Listen, in 10 minutes, I'm gonna have 
               my hands on that "Atomic Sub" card.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               And?

               
                             ELAINE
               (Embarrassed) Free sub. (Starts to leave) 
               I'll see ya.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               (Gwen walks by, she's in her ugly state)

               
                             GWEN
               Kramer, Hi!

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, hello.

               
                             GWEN
               It's Gwen.. We met .. at the coffee 
               shop.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Ah-huh.

               
                             GWEN
               I'm dating your friend, Jerry..

               
                             KRAMER
               Ahh.. I don't know who you really are, 
               but I've seen Jerry's girlfriend, and 
               she's not you. You're much better looking 
               - and like, a foot taller.
 
               
                             GWEN
               That's why we're always hiding in that 
               coffee shop! He's afraid of getting 
               caught.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, he's a tomcat.

               
               (Cut to Elaine)

               
               (She meets up with Denim Vest on the street corner)

               
                             ELAINE
               Steve.

               
                             DENIM VEST
               Hmm?

               
                             ELAINE
               It's Elaine.

               
                             DENIM VEST
               From Tim Whatley's party?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             DENIM VEST
               You look.. different.

               
                             ELAINE
               I see you're still sticking with the 
               denim. (He's wearing a denim coat) Do 
               you have that card that I gave you?
 
               
               
                             DENIM VEST
               Well, I had it back at my place, but 
               I can't go there now.. I'll give it 
               to you later, or something.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, no, no. You give me your number.
 
               
               
                             DENIM VEST
               Okay. Sure. (Pulls out a pad, and starts 
               writing a number down) Do you have the 
               mumps?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No.

               
                             DENIM VEST
               Typhoid?

               
                             ELAINE
               No.

               
                             DENIM VEST
               (Hands her the paper, and runs off) 
               Yama - Hama!
 
               
               (Elaine looks at the number, and sees it's the same as the number 
               on a nearby truck)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               A fake number! Blimey!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               Kruger's office)

               
                             KRUGER
               George, we have a problem. There's a 
               memo, here, from accounting telling 
               me there's no such thing as the Human 
               Fund.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Well, there could be.

               
                             KRUGER
               But there isn't.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, I - I could, Uh, I could give 
               the money back. Here. (Holds it out)
 
               
               
                             KRUGER
               George, I don't get it. If there's no 
               Human Fund, those donation cards were 
               fake. You better have a damn good reason 
               why you gave me a fake
 
               
               Christmas gift.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, sir, I - I gave out the fake card, 
               because, um, I don't really celebrate 
               Christmas. I, um, I celebrate Festivus.
 
               
               
                             KRUGER
               Vemonous?

               
                             GEORGE
               Festivus, Sir. And, uh, I was afraid 
               that I would be persecuted for my beliefs. 
               They drove my family out of Bayside, 
               Sir!
 
               
                             KRUGER
               Are you making all this up, too?

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no, Sir. Festivus is all too real. 
               And.. I could prove it - if I had to.
 
               
               
                             KRUGER
               Yeah, you probably should.

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               The Costanza's house)

               
                             GEORGE
               Happy Festivus!

               
                             FRANK
               George? This is a surprise. (Looking 
               at Kruger) Who's the suit?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yo, dad. This is my boss, Mr. Kruger.
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               Have you seen the pole, Kruger?

               
                             GEORGE
               Dad, he doesn't need to see the pole.
 
               
               
                             FRANK
               He's gonna see it.

               
               (Enter Jerry and Elaine. Elaine is still ugly from the steam)
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Happy Festivus! (Sees Elaine) Yama - 
               Hama!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I didn't have time to go home. What 
               are you doing here?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Embracing my roots.

               
                             JERRY
               They nailed you on the 20 G's?

               
                             GEORGE
               Busted cold.

               
               (Cut to Kruger and Frank)

               
               (They're looking at the Festivus pole)

               
                             FRANK
               It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight 
               ratio.
 
               
                             KRUGER
               I find your belief system fascinating.
 
               
               
               (Enter Kramer)

               
               (Kramer's with the two bookies from Horse Track Betting)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey! Happy Festivus, everyone! (Hugs 
               George, and jumps up and down) Hee, 
               hee, hee!
 
               
                             BOOKIE
               Hello again, Miss Benes.

               
                             ELAINE
               What are you doing here?

               
                             BOOKIE
               Damnedest thing.. me and Charlie were 
               calling to ask you out, and, uh, we 
               got this bagel place..
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (Finishing the story) I told them I 
               was just about to see you.. It's a Festivus 
               miracle!
 
               
               (Estelle comes through the kitchen door, hitting Kramer as she 
               opens it)
 
               
                             ESTELLE
               Dinner's ready!

               
                             FRANK
               Let's begin.

               
                             
               Dr.. Van Nostrand?

               
                             KRAMER
               Uh.. that's right.

               
               (Cut to Frank)

               
                             FRANK
               Welcome, new comers. The tradition of 
               Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. 
               I got a lot of problems with you people! 
               And now you're gonna hear
 
               
               about it! You, Kruger. My son tells me your company stinks!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, God.

               
                             FRANK
               (To George) Quiet, you'll get yours 
               in a minute. Kruger, you couldn't smooth 
               a silk sheet if you had a hot date with 
               a babe.. I lost my train of thought.
 
               
               
               (Frank sits down, Jerry gives a face that says "That's a shame". 
               Gwen walks in)
 
               
                             GWEN
               Jerry!

               
                             JERRY
               Gwen! How'd you know I was here?

               
                             GWEN
               Kramer told me.

               
                             KRAMER
               Another Festivus miracle!

               
               (Jerry gives Kramer a death stare. He shuts up. Gwen notices 
               Elaine)
 
               
                             GWEN
               I guess this is the ugly girl I've been 
               hearing about.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, I was in a shvitz for 6 hours. 
               Give me a break.
 
               
               (Gwen leaves, Jerry follows)

               
                             JERRY
               Gwen. Gwen, wait! Ah! (runs back to 
               his seat) Bad lighting on the porch.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (To bookie) Hey, how'd my horse do?
 
               
               
                             BOOKIE
               He had to be shot.

               
                             FRANK
               And now as Festivus rolls on, we come 
               to the feats of strength.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Not the feats of strength..

               
                             FRANK
               This year, the honor goes to Mr. Kramer.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh-oh. Oh, gee, Frank, I'm sorry. I 
               gotta go. I have to work a double shift 
               at H&H.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I thought you were on strike?

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I caved. I mean, I really had 
               to use their bathroom. Frank, no offence, 
               but this holiday is a little (makes 
               a series of noises) out there.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Kramer! You can't go! Who's gonna do 
               the feats of strength?
 
               
               (Exit Kramer)

               
                             KRUGER
               (Sipping liquor from a flask) How about 
               George?
 
               
                             FRANK
               Good thinking, Kruger. Until you pin 
               me, George, Festivus is not over!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, please, somebody, stop this!

               
                             FRANK
               (Taking off his sweater) Let's rumble!
 
               
               
               (Cuts to an outside view of the Costanza's house)

               
                             ESTELLE
               I think you can take him, Georgie!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, come on! Be sensible.

               
                             FRANK
               Stop crying, and fight your father!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Ow! .. Ow! I give, I give! Uncle!

               
                             FRANK
               This is the best Festivus ever!

               
               (Scene ends)

               
                             
               H&H Bagel Shop)

               
               (Kramer is shaping some dough and chewing gum - his gum falls 
               into the dough. He starts looking for the gum, and starts extracting 
               it from the dough. The manger is
 
               
               watching)

               
                             MANAGER
               Alright. That's enough. You're fired.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Thank - you! (Gets his coat, and leaves)
 
               
               
               
               
                            THE END



The Strike



Writers :   Alec Berg  Jeff Schaffer  Dan O'Keefe
Genres :   Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy