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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS



                           THE VOICE



                           Written by

              Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer & David Mandel


 
               
               
               
               (In the Play Now office)

               
                             THOMASSOULO
               George, you're not really handicapped, 
               are you?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I've had my difficulties.

               
                             THOMASSOULO
               I saw you running down Amsterdam Avenue 
               lifting that 200 pound motorized cart 
               with one hand.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Mr. Thomassoulo during times of great 
               stress, people are capable of super 
               human strength. Have you ever seen the 
               Incredible Hulk, sir?
 
               
                             THOMASSOULO
               No

               
                             GEORGE
               How about the old Spider Man live action 
               show?
 
               
                             THOMASSOULO
               George, I've realized we've signed a 
               one-year contract with you, but at this 
               point I think it's best that we both 
               go our separate ways.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't understand.

               
                             THOMASSOULO
               We don't like you. We want you to leave.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Clearer

               
               (At Monks Café)

               
                             JERRY
               So you're staying at Play Now?

               
                             GEORGE
               Why not? Pay is good. I got dental, 
               private access to one of the great handicapped 
               toilets in the city.
 
               
                             JERRY
               But they not you aren't handicapped, 
               aren't you ashamed?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               They're the ones who should be ashamed. 
               They signed me to a one-year contract. 
               As long as I show up for work every 
               day, they have to pay me.
 
               
               (Elaine walks in)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey

               
                             JERRY & GEORGE
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o!

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello-o-o-o Elaine!

               
                             ELAINE
               What's that?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, it's just this stupid thing.

               
                             ELAINE
               Well, I'm sure it's stupid. It's not 
               about me, is it?
 
               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) No-o-o-o.

               
                             GEORGE
               (doing the voice) Not at all.

               
                             ELAINE
               Tell me!

               
                             JERRY
               All right. You know this girl Clare 
               I am seeing?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, he and I starting joking that 
               when she falls asleep her stomach stays 
               awake all night and talks to me.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               How is it talking?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, her belly button is like a mouth. 
               (doing the voice) I'm bored. Talk to 
               me.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh I gotta start taking these "stupid" 
               warnings more seriously.
 
               
               (Puddy walks in)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, look whose here - Puddy.

               
                             ELAINE
               My Puddy? But we broke up.

               
                             JERRY
               And yet he continues to live.

               
               (Puddy walks over to the table)

               
                             PUDDY
               Hey Benes, How are you?

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm doing great.

               
                             PUDDY
               Great. (pauses) See ya.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, that's it. You two are back together.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               What?

               
                             JERRY
               The bump into. The bump into always 
               leads to the backslide.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               David and I will not be getting back 
               together.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, breaking up is like knocking 
               over a coke machine. You can't do it 
               in one push, you got to rock it back 
               and forth a few times, and then it goes 
               over.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That's beautiful.

               
                             ELAINE
               What about you? You were even engaged, 
               and you cut it off just like that.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               That's different. I didn't have feelings 
               for those people. But you, you'll backslide
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               You want to bet?

               
                             JERRY
               Stakes?

               
                             ELAINE
               50

               
                             JERRY
               Dollars?

               
                             ELAINE
               All right. Witness? (looks at George).
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Witness.

               
                             JERRY
               Done.

               
                             GEORGE
               Percentage?

               
                             JERRY & ELAINE
               No.

               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
                             CLARE
               So I'll call you tonight?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah.

               
                             CLARE
               What's wrong with the belt?

               
                             JERRY
               I went to the movies last night, I went 
               to the bathroom and I unbuckled a little 
               wobbly and the buckle kind of banged 
               against the side of the urinal. So...(throws 
               away belt) that's it!
 
               
                             CLARE
               So, you're insane?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh yes, quite.

               
               (Kramer walks in)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hello!

               
                             JERRY
               Of course it's a sliding scale.

               
                             CLARE
               Catch you later.

               
                             KRAMER & JERRY
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o! (haha)
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) La la la.

               
                             KRAMER
               (doing the voice) La la la.

               
               (Kramer is reading the newspaper at the table)

               
                             KRAMER
               Look at this, they are redoing the Cloud 
               Club.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, that restaurant on top of the Chrysler 
               building? Yeah, that's a good idea.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Of course it's a good idea, it's my 
               idea. I conceived this whole project 
               two years ago.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Which part? The renovating the restaurant 
               you don't own part or spending the two 
               hundred million you don't have part?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You see I come up with these things, 
               I know they're gold, but nothing happens. 
               You know why?
 
               
                             JERRY
               No resources, no skill, no talent, no 
               ability, no brains.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (interrupts) No, no...time! It's all this 
               meaningless time. Laundry, grocery, 
               shopping, coming in here talking to 
               you. Do you have any idea how much time 
               I waste in this apartment?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I can ball park it.

               
               (Elaine walks in ... how did she come up without the buzzer?)
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o!

               
                             KRAMER
               Here we go; now she comes in. Now my 
               whole day is shot!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, I called you last night, where 
               were you?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (looking VERY guilty) I went out with 
               a (fake cough) a friend.
 
               
                             JERRY
               George?

               
                             ELAINE
               (looking guiltier) No, no...no.

               
                             JERRY
               Well, I was here, that's everyone (laughing).
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               (laughing).

               
                             JERRY
               Are those the same shoes as yesterday?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, you know I wear these shoes all 
               the time.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Your hair, it's somewhat de-poofed.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               It's the new look. You know Heroin Cheek?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Wait a second, what's going on here?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Nothing, nothing.

               
                             JERRY
               (screams).

               
                             ELAINE
               (screams).

               
                             JERRY
               You're wearing the same clothes as yesterday!!! 
               (pauses) You saw Puddy!
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Hoochie moochie. (haha)

               
                             JERRY
               Hand it over. Pay up.

               
                             ELAINE
               No! It's an isolated, sexual incident. 
               We are not back together!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Then what do you call it? People don't 
               just bump into each other and have sex. 
               This isn't cinemax.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               It was no big deal OK? I mean we fooled 
               around, then we went out and grabbed 
               a little dinner.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Ah, dinner! That's it, you're all the 
               way back!
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ugh!

               
                             JERRY
               Sex, that's meaningless, I can understand 
               that, but dinner; that's heavy. That's 
               like an hour.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (still reading the paper) Man, 2.9 percent 
               financing on a Toyota Onedun (Sp?). 
               That was my idea too!
 
               
               (At Play Now)

               
                             GEORGE
               Good Morning!

               
                             CO-WORKER
               Go to hell!

               
                             GEORGE
               Hi Allison, that's a nice dress.

               
                             ALLISON
               Don't even look at me.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey Glenn!

               
                             GLENN
               Hey, go tell hell!

               
                             GEORGE
               Heard that one already.

               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Jerry walks in. Kramer is showing his "intern," Darren around)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               ...So that's the bedroom. Here's the bathroom. 
               If you need to, you can familiarize 
               yourself with the kitchen...Yeah, go ahead 
               and look through some of the drawers.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               And you are?

               
                             DARREN
               Oh, hey, I'm Darren. I'm new here.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, that's Jerry, you don't have to 
               worry about him. Why don't you go across 
               the hall and get started on that mail.
 
               
               
                             DARREN
               Right!

               
                             KRAMER
               He's a go getter!

               
                             JERRY
               Who's he?

               
                             KRAMER
               My intern from NYU. Well, you remember 
               my corporation, Kramerica Industries.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Alright.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, apparently NYU is very enthusiastic 
               about their students getting some real 
               world corporate experience.
 
               
                             JERRY
               But you only provide fantasy world corporate 
               experience.
 
               
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, this will really free up my time 
               so I can focus on more important things, 
               like my bladder system.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Alright, it's time to go.

               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, it's not for people, it's for 
               oil tankers.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (sarcastically) I know!

               
               (Jerry tries to shove Kramer out the door)

               
                             KRAMER
               You see the idea is for a rubber ball 
               inside the tanker so if it crashes, 
               the oil won't spill out.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Actually, that is not a bad idea.

               
                             KRAMER
               (smiles) yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               Now, it's time to go.

               
               (slams door)

               
               (phone rings)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello

               
                             GEORGE
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. (He's 
               sitting on the floor in his Play Now 
               office).
 
               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. (pauses) 
               So, what's going on?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Seize montality, (Sp?) Jerry. They really 
               want me out of here. They've downgraded 
               me to some sort of a bunker. I'm like 
               Hitler's last days here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So, are you going to leave?

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh no! I'm vigilant. They'll never get 
               me out. I'm like a weed, Jerry.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I thought you're like Hitler in the 
               bunker?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I'm a weed in Hitler's bunker.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm getting a little uncomfortable with 
               the Hitler stuff. (his other line beeps) 
               I'm getting another call, see ya...(answers 
               call) Hello!
 
               
                             DARREN
               Hi, this is Darren from Kramer's office. 
               Mr. Kramer would like to schedule a 
               lunch with you at Monk's coffee shop.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (looking shocked) Really? When?

               
                             DARREN
               In 10 minutes. Do you need directions?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I don't.

               
                             DARREN
               Well, I'll call back in 5 minutes to 
               confirm.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, 5.

               
               (Elaine walks in ... again, how did she get up without the buzzer?)
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Hey!

               
                             JERRY
               Hey! So, where's my money?

               
                             ELAINE
               No money, I am Puddy free. So, are we 
               eating or what?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh yeah, hold on.

               
               (Jerry calls Kramer and Darren answers)

               
                             JERRY
               Hello Darren, this is Jerry from Jerry's 
               office. (Elaine is looking confused). 
               We're going to be three for lunch. (Elaine 
               is still looking confused) What do you 
               mean he's already left?
 
               
               (Kramer walks in)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, Elaine is going to come with us, 
               alright?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               What? When did this happen?

               
                             JERRY
               Well, just...

               
                             KRAMER
               (yelling) DARREN!

               
               (At Elaine's apartment)

               
               (Sitting on the couch thinking to herself)

               
                             ELAINE
               I am not calling Puddy. What did I do 
               with my gloves? Oh, I bet I left them 
               over at Puddy's. I should call him. 
               I need those gloves. No, I better not. 
               I'll call. (looks at table) Oh, look 
               at that! There are the gloves. I was 
               just about to call. There they are. 
               That's funny. That's really funny. That's 
               really really funny. You know who loves 
               funny stories, David Puddy. (Picks up 
               phone).
 
               
               (At Monk's Cafe)

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, Play Now is through playing. They 
               turned the heat way up in my office. 
               They tried to sweat me out.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Do you have to write all this stuff 
               down.
 
               
                             DARREN
               Well, Mr. Kramer is in a meeting with 
               Mr. Lohmase and he didn't want to miss 
               anything.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So, how hot did it get?

               
                             GEORGE
               I don't know, 120, 130...Then they sent 
               some guys to sandblast for 6 hours. 
               Tomorrow they are putting in asbestos.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I guess you can take anything, but actual 
               work.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Bring it on!

               
               (Kramer walks in)

               
                             GEORGE
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o Kramer!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) Wel-l-l-c-o-m-e!
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               (doing the voice) La la la.

               
                             KRAMER
               Sorry I couldn't get out of there, what 
               did I miss? (asking his "intern")
 
               
               
                             DARREN
               Well, after ordering, Mr. Seinfeld and 
               Mr. Costanza debated on whether or not 
               iron man wore some sort under garment 
               between his skin and his iron suit...
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Uh huh...

               
                             GEORGE
               (Interrupts) And I still say he's naked 
               under there!
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh that makes a lot of sense.

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, shut up!

               
                             DARREN
               ...Then Mr. Seinfeld went to the restroom, 
               at which point Mr. Costanza scooped 
               ice out of Mr. Seinfeld's drink with 
               his bare hands using it to wash up (Jerry 
               is taking a sip of water and looking 
               mad) then Mr. Costanza remarked to me, 
               "This never happened." (Jerry then spits 
               out the water).
 
               
               (George is looking pissed off)

               
               (At Jerry's apartment in his bed)

               
                             JERRY
               (giggling)

               
                             CLARE
               What's so funny?

               
                             JERRY
               Oh, nothing. (still giggling)

               
                             CLARE
               What are you laughing about? Tell me.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Oh all right, this is really dumb, really 
               stupid. We've been doing this silly, 
               dumb voice.
 
               
               (Clare storms out of the room mad!)

               
                             CLARE
               So is it fun humiliating me?

               
                             JERRY
               No, it's not you. It's your stomach, 
               he's taking with this funny, booming, 
               jovial voice. (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o.
 
               
               
                             CLARE
               So you think I'm fat?

               
                             JERRY
               No it's...

               
               (Darren walks in)

               
                             DARREN
               Mr. Kramer says, "hey buddy!"

               
                             JERRY
               Hey, we're kind of in the middle of 
               something here. Would you mind coming 
               back later?
 
               
                             DARREN
               Oh yeah sure, sure. Should we set something 
               up now?
 
               
                             JERRY
               (Screams) GET OUT!

               
                             CLARE
               I'm leaving too.

               
                             JERRY
               No body said you're fat. He's a loving 
               character, like the Kool-ade guy.
 
               
               
                             CLARE
               He is fat!

               
                             JERRY
               No, he's just a little bloated.

               
                             CLARE
               Good-bye!

               
                             JERRY
               It's mostly water weight.

               
               (Kramer walks in)

               
                             KRAMER
               Boysenberry, the kid is still learning.
 
               
               
               (Darren is standing in the hallway on the phone)

               
                             DARREN
               Mr. Kramer...Dean, my internship is on 
               line two, she wants to set up a meeting.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, well nothing before noon.

               
                             JERRY
               Line two?

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, your phone is line one.

               
                             JERRY
               Oh...

               
               (At Elaine's apartment)

               
                             PUDDY
               So the gloves were right by the phone. 
               That is pretty funny.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               See, this is what Jerry's doesn't understand. 
               We can see each other. We can see each 
               other every day, but it doesn't mean 
               we are back together.
 
               
                             PUDDY
               I mean I love just seeing you and having 
               sex.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah.

               
                             PUDDY
               Not having to do all that...you know...work.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Well, either way...

               
                             PUDDY
               All that calling you, and buying you 
               stuff...
 
               
                             ELAINE
               David...

               
                             PUDDY
               Caring about how everyone at work isn't 
               as smart as you. It's brutal.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Alright that's it! We're back together!
 
               
               
                             PUDDY
               Oh, no.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, yeah.

               
                             PUDDY
               Look Elaine, be reasonable.

               
               (Elaine kisses Puddy)

               
                             ELAINE
               Get those clothes off. You're going 
               to spend the night and we're going to 
               cuddle.
 
               
                             PUDDY
               What?

               
                             ELAINE
               You heard me. Strip!

               
               (At Play Now)

               
               (George is walking in the hallway to his office. He sees his 
               office has been boarded up)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (whistling)....(laughing)....Alright......OK....
 
               
               
               (George goes through air vent ... in his office)

               
                             GEORGE
               (on phone ... calling secretary) Hello 
               Margery, George Costanza. How are you 
               sweet heart? Listen, can you give Mr. 
               Thomassoulo a message for me? ...Yes. 
               If he needs me, tell him (screams) I'M 
               IN MY OFFICE! Thanks.
 
               
               (At NYU)

               
                             KRAMER
               Dean Jones, you wanting to talk to me?
 
               
               
                             DEAN JONES
               I've been reviewing Darren's internship 
               journal. Doing laundry...
 
               
                             KRAMER
               ...Yeah.

               
                             DEAN JONES
               ...Mending chicken wire, hi-tea with a 
               Mr. Newman.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               I know it sounds pretty glamorous, but 
               it's business as usual at Kramerica.
 
               
               
                             DEAN JONES
               As far as I can tell your entire enterprise 
               is more than a solitary man with a messy 
               apartment which may or may not contain 
               a chicken.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               And with Darren's help, we'll get that 
               chicken.
 
               
                             DEAN JONES
               I'm sorry, but we can't allow Darren 
               to continue working with you.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I have to say this seems capricious 
               and arbitrary.
 
               
                             DEAN JONES
               You fly is open.

               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Jerry & Clare are talking by the doorway)

               
                             JERRY
               So you're sure you're not still angry 
               about last night?
 
               
                             CLARE
               No, I'm fine. Just as long as you don't 
               ever do that voice again.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Never?

               
                             CLARE
               Never.

               
                             JERRY
               What about if you're not around?

               
                             CLARE
               No!

               
                             JERRY
               So I have to choose between seeing you 
               and doing the voice?
 
               
                             CLARE
               That's right.

               
                             JERRY
               I can do that.

               
                             CLARE
               So what's your decision?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know.

               
               (At the dock or beach)

               
               (Jerry is thinking to himself ... looking quite funny)

               
               (He's thinking about all the times him and Clare spent together. 
               He's trying to decide if he likes her more or the voice more)
 
               
               
               (Jerry knocks on Clare's door)

               
                             CLARE
               Jerry...HI.

               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o. La-la-la. 
               (haha)
 
               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
                             GEORGE
               You broke up with her? Why?

               
                             JERRY
               So we could do the voice. (doing the 
               voice) La-la-la. What's the matter?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I think I'm getting tired of it. I mean 
               is that all it does? Hello? La-la-la?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, it can do anything. It can be Spanish. 
               (doing the voice) Hola. Hello-o-o-o.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I think I like the girl better than 
               the voice.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
               (Elaine walks in ... how does she keep getting up without that 
               buzzer?!)
 
               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) Hello-o-o-o.

               
                             ELAINE
               Still?

               
                             GEORGE
               I told you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, here you go, choke on it (hands 
               him money).
 
               
                             JERRY
               See, never bet against the backslide. 
               I knew you two would get back together.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, well not for long. I'm breaking 
               up with him.
 
               
                             JERRY
               No, I don't think so. I've seen you 
               two together. You make each other miserable. 
               It's kismet.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Double or nothing.

               
                             JERRY
               Done.

               
                             GEORGE
               (talking from bathroom) Witness?

               
                             JERRY
               You're in there again.

               
                             GEORGE
               I think Play Now is putting something 
               in my food.
 
               
               (Kramer walks in)

               
                             ELAINE
               Alright, I'm out of here.

               
                             JERRY
               What is this? (Kramer is wearing jeans 
               that look like it doesn't fit him).
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               I don't know. I found them in your closet. 
               Ever since Darren left I haven't been 
               able to find anything. He took all my 
               clothes to some cleaners. I'm clueless. 
               (looks at clock) Is that clock right?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Nine o'clock.

               
                             KRAMER
               I was supposed to pick up Newman at 
               the zoo twelve hours ago.
 
               
                             JERRY
               (doing the voice) Good-bye Kramer.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Jerry, buddy, I got to tell you something. 
               That voice is played.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Really?

               
                             KRAMER
               So played.

               
                             GEORGE
               I told you.

               
               (Hallway, Darren is knocking on Kramer's door)

               
                             KRAMER
               Darren? What are you doing here? The 
               college canceled the internship.
 
               
                             DARREN
               I don't care about the internship. I 
               care about Kramerica.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Kramerica is no more.

               
                             DARREN
               What about the oil tanker bladder system? 
               We were going to put an end to maritime 
               oil spills.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Probably. Darren, you go home. Forget 
               about Kramerica.
 
               
               (Kramer slams door)

               
               (Kramer opens door)

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you're still here?

               
                             DARREN
               I haven't had time to leave.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I haven't changed my mind.

               
               (Kramer slams door)

               
               (Kramer opens door)

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, you are a tenacious little monkey. 
               Alright, I'll do it. Kramerica industries 
               lives! Let's get back to work!
 
               
               (Kramer slams door)

               
               (Kramer opens door)

               
                             KRAMER
               Let's see what Jerry has to eat.

               
               (At Play Now ... in the bosses office)

               
                             THOMASSOULO
               You win George. We've had it. If you 
               leave right now, Play Now will give 
               you six months pay. That's half of your 
               entire contract. Please...just go.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You see if I stay the whole year, I 
               get it all.
 
               
                             THOMASSOULO
               Want to play hand ball huh? Fine. (calls 
               on intercom) Attention Play Now employees, 
               George Costanza's handicapped bathroom 
               is now open on the sixteenth floor to 
               all employees and their families.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well played.

               
                             THOMASSOULO
               I'll see you in hell Costanza.

               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
                             JERRY
               (on the phone with Clare) Clare thanks 
               for giving me a second chance. Our relationship 
               is certainly worth more than some silly, 
               stupid voice. Hold on one second. (George 
               walks in ... Jerry asks George) So we 
               definitely don't want to do the voice 
               anymore? (George shakes his head NO) 
               Alright, we're back together again, 
               great. Bye bye.
 
               
               (Hallway ... Kramer & Darren are pushing an oil tank.

               
                             KRAMER
               Hey.

               
                             JERRY
               Trouble down at the plant?

               
                             KRAMER
               It's a tank of oil. Darren and I are 
               finally going to test out my bladder 
               system.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You have to drink that whole thing?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               No. No. No. It's for oil tankers. All 
               I need to do is fill some sort of rubber 
               container with oil and then drop it 
               to see whether or not it can restrain 
               the impact.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I understand (not really understanding, 
               lol).
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Would a giant rubber ball work?

               
                             KRAMER
               Conceivably.

               
                             GEORGE
               Well, Play Now has all kinds of different 
               rubber balls. Why don't we test your 
               bladder system at my office?
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're not...

               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, yes I am. Mr. Thomassoulo likes 
               to play dirty. Well, there's nothing 
               dirtier than a giant ball of oil.
 
               
               
               (At Monk's Cafe)

               
                             PUDDY
               Hey, you want to split a root beer (I 
               think that's what he says)?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I don't think so David, we're through.
 
               
               
                             PUDDY
               Oh...That's a nice sweater (Elaine smiles).
 
               
               
               (At Elaine's house ... the two are in bed)

               
                             ELAINE
               Whew that was a dozy.

               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Elaine throws down money on the table).

               
                             JERRY
               Go again?

               
                             ELAINE
               Book it.

               
                             GEORGE
               (again from bathroom) Witness.

               
               (At Elaine's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               David I know this hurts, but it's the 
               way it has to be (Puddy is giving her 
               a look like he's going to still get 
               some).
 
               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Elaine is placing money on the table one by one)

               
                             JERRY
               Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

               
               (Jerry and Elaine at the movies)

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm going to get some popcorn.

               
               (At Jerry's apartment)

               
               (Elaine hands Jerry money)

               
                             ELAINE
               So, how did it end?

               
                             JERRY
               They got away.

               
                             ELAINE
               uh.

               
               (At Elaine's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               Listen David, I've got to run. Can you 
               lend me fifty bucks?
 
               
               (At Play Now)

               
               (Darren & Kramer are pushing the ball of oil ... Jerry walks 
               in)
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey.

               
                             KRAMER
               Did you bring the video camera?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I put a six hour tape in. That 
               should cover the experiment, the arrest, 
               and most of your trial. Alright, I'll 
               see ya.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, you might want to stick around Jerry. 
               Mr. Thomassoulo picked the wrong man 
               to hire because he was fake handicapped.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I can't. I got to meet Clare.

               
                             KRAMER
               You gave up the voice?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, I thought it was stupid. Unless 
               you guys are liking it again.
 
               
                             KRAMER & GEORGE
               No. No

               
                             JERRY
               Darren?

               
                             DARREN
               Sorry Mr. Seinfeld.

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, bathroom.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, use mine. I'll let you in.

               
                             JERRY
               I thought it was open to the public.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               I uh, took care of that.

               
               (Both go to the bathroom, which looks really nice)

               
                             JERRY
               Wow! Zanadu . No wonder you're putting 
               in so many hours. (looks at urinal) 
               May I?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I insist. I'll fix us a drink. (phone 
               rings ... who would that be?) I got 
               it.
 
               
               (Back to Kramer & Darren in George's office)

               
                             KRAMER
               Whew. You know Darren, if you would 
               have told me twenty-five years ago that 
               some day I'd be standing here about 
               to solve the worlds energy problems, 
               I would've said you're crazy... Now let's 
               push this giant ball of oil out the 
               window.
 
               
               (Back in the bathroom)

               
                             GEORGE
               So, check out my view.

               
                             JERRY
               Wow! Hey, there's Clare. I better go 
               down.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, there's Kramer & Darren.

               
                             JERRY
               There's the giant ball of oil. Clare's 
               right underneath that thing. Clare! 
               Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o! Hello-o-o-o!
 
               
               
                             CLARE
               I don't believe this. I am not looking 
               up if you're going to do that voice.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Bombs away (Uh oh).

               
                             JERRY
               This is going to be a shame.

               
               (SPLAT!)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hello.

               
                             KRAMER
               Well, that didn't work. Hey, how about 
               this...ketchup and mustard in the same 
               bottle?
 
               
                             DARREN
               Oh that sounds interesting sir.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
               (Police sirens ... uh oh)

               
               (At Monk's Café)

               
                             JERRY
               Clare won her lawsuit against Play Now. 
               Gee, Play Now is filing for bankruptcy. 
               I guess you're not going in anymore.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               So they're not paying you your...

               
                             GEORGE
               No.

               
                             JERRY
               So you're pretty much...

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             JERRY
               What ever happened to Darren?

               
                             KRAMER
               Darren is going away for a long long 
               time.
 
               
                             JERRY
               So Clare sure looked real funny covered 
               in oil like that... (doing the voice) 
               Hello-o-o-o I got beamed with a giant 
               ball of oil...
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (doing the voice) I'm slippery as an 
               eel...
 
               
                             KRAMER
               (doing the voice) La la la.

               
                             JERRY
               I'm just so glad it's back.

               
               (At Elaine's apartment in bed with Puddy AGAIN)

               
                             ELAINE
               See, this is good. This is the way it 
               should be. You know why are we fooling 
               ourselves. We belong together.
 
               
                             PUDDY
               Elaine: I want to break up.

               
                             ELAINE
               Ah nuts!



               
                            THE END



The Voice



Writers :   
Genres :   Comedy


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