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Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                              THE WINK



                             Written by

                      Tom Gammill & Max Pross




 
               
               
               (Elaine's bedroom - phone rings)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hello.

               
                             JAMES
               This is your wake up service. It's 7:15.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, god. OH, I could use a few more 
               hours sleep.
 
               
                             JAMES
               Hot date last night?

               
                             ELAINE
               I wish.

               
                             JAMES
               A woman with a sexy voice like yours 
               its hard to believe you're waking up alone.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Really? Thank you, wake up service 
               . . . person.
 
               
                             JAMES
               Call me James.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, all right, James. He he he.

               
               (Monks)

               
                             GEORGE
               Your wake up guy asked you out?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, I've never seen him but I feel 
               like we have this weirdly intimate relationship. 
               I mean, I'm lying in bed, I'm wearing 
               my nightie,
 
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know. Blind date?

               
                             ELAINE
               What? You're going to go out with my 
               cousin Holly. You've never met her.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, but I've seen pictures of her.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               At least I've spoken to my guy. You're 
               going out on a deaf date.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I think I'd rather go out on a deaf 
               date than a blind date. The question 
               is whether you'd rather date the blind 
               or the deaf.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Ah. . .

               
                             GEORGE
               Now you're off on a topic.

               
                             JERRY
               You know, I think, I would rather date 
               the deaf.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh hu.

               
                             JERRY
               Because I think the blind would probably 
               be a little messier around the house. 
               And lets face it they're not going to 
               get all the crumbs. I'd possibly be 
               walking around with a sponge.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               You see I disagree. I'd rather be dating 
               the blind. You know you could let the 
               house go. You could let yourself go. 
               A good looking blind woman doesn't even 
               know you're not good enough for her.
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               I think she'd figure it out.

               
               (waitress places plates on the table)

               
                             ELAINE
               What? What is this?

               
                             JERRY
               Veggie sandwich and a grapefruit.

               
                             ELAINE
               Veggie sandwich and a grapefruit? What 
               are you turning into?
 
               
                             JERRY
               A healthy person.

               
                             GEORGE
               (rubbing his eye) Ow, Ow you squirted 
               me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, sorry

               
                             GEORGE
               Boy, it stings.

               
               (Yankee Stadium)

               
                             WILHELM
               George, have you seen Morgan?

               
                             GEORGE
               No.

               
                             WILHELM
               He's been coming in late all week. Is 
               there something wrong?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No, not that I know of. (winks)

               
                             WILHELM
               Really? Make sure he signs this. Oh, 
               look George, if there's a problem with 
               Morgan you can tell me.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Morgan? No. He's doing a great job. 
               (winks)
 
               
                             WILHELM
               I understand.

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
                             JERRY
               I still can't believe, you're going 
               out on a blind date.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm not worried. It sounds like he's 
               really good looking.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You're going by sound? What are we? 
               Whales?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I think I can tell.

               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, what percentage of people would 
               you say are good looking?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Twenty-five percent.

               
                             JERRY
               Twenty-five percent, you say? No way! 
               It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a twenty 
               to one shot.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You're way off.

               
                             JERRY
               Way off? Have you been to the motor 
               vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony 
               down there.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               So what you are saying is that 90 to 
               95 percent of the population is undateable?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               UNDATEABLE!

               
                             ELAINE
               Then how are all these people getting 
               together?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Alcohol.

               
                             ELAINE
               (to George who is winking) What is your 
               problem?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               No problem here.

               
                             ELAINE
               You keep winking at me. That's really 
               obnoxious.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I had no idea.

               
                             ELAINE
               Right there. Right there. You just did 
               it again.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's from 
               that grapefruit that Jerry squirted 
               at me.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You're eye still hurts?

               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, yeah. You must have squirted a 
               piece of pulp in it too.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Pulp couldn't make it across the table.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Pulp can move, Baby! Why didn't you 
               eat a real breakfast?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, I eat healthy. If I have to take 
               out an eye, that's the breaks.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wait a minute. I must have been winking 
               down at the office. That's why Mr. Wilhelm 
               was acting so mysteriouso.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               What did he think, you were flirtin' 
               with him?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hu, oh. No he thought I was hiding something 
               from him about Morgan.
 
               
               (Kramer enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hi guys.

               
                             JERRY
               Hi,

               
                             KRAMER
               Hello Archie, Veronica, Mr. Weatherbee. 
               . . . Is this Don Matingly's signature?
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah.

               
                             KRAMER
               And Buck Showalter's?

               
                             GEORGE
               It's an inter-office envelope. It get 
               passed around all over the office.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Um, can I show this to my buddy Stubbs 
               . He runs a sports memorabilia store. 
               He pays top dollar for pro autographs.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Yeah, like I'm going to risk my job 
               with the New York Yankees to make a 
               few extra bucks. (winks)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, of course not. (winks back)

               
               (Sports Memorabilia Shop)

               
                             KRAMER
               You know, you see Don Matingly signed 
               this envelope then he sent it to room 
               318, where it was received and signed 
               for by manager Buck Showalter.
 
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               I don't know. An envelope doesn't really 
               cut it.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Why?

                             STEINBRENNER
               What is this? A birthday card. Ha ha 
               . . . signed by the ENTIRE Yankee organization! 
               . . . This could be worth something.
 
               
               
               (Yankee Stadium)

               
                             GEORGE
               Is that the lovely Mrs. Morgan?

               
                             MM
               Hello.

               
                             MORGAN
               Oh, by the way, have you got that birthday 
               card?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Birthday card?

               
                             MORGAN
               Mr. Steinbrenner's birthday card. Wilhem 
               said you had it for me to sign.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh ah, I uh, will have that for you 
               by after lunch.
 
               
                             MORGAN
               Fine. I'll be back after my massage.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Of course. Your massage. (winks) Enjoy 
               your massage. (winks)
 
               
               (Monk's - Elaine sitting alone)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hello.

               
                             JAMES
               Elaine?

               
                             ELAINE
               James! Ah, ha, Hello! Phew!

               
               (Old Homestead Steak House)

               
                             HOLLY
               I can't believe you've never taken anybody 
               here before.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, I'm not really that much of a 
               meat eater.
 
               
                             HOLLY
               . . . You don't eat meat? Are you one 
               of those. . .
 
               
                             JERRY
               Well, no, I'm not one of those.

               
                             HOLLY
               When we were little girls Grandma Memma 
               would take us to a matinee and then 
               dinner here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Grandma Memma?

               
                             HOLLY
               Elaine must have mentioned Grandma Memma.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               No, I think I would have remembered 
               Memma.
 
               
                             HOLLY
               Oh well, that's typical. Elaine never 
               liked Grandma Memma.
 
               
                             WAITER
               Ready?

               
                             HOLLY
               I'll have the porterhouse medium rare, 
               baked potato with sour cream,
 
               
                             JERRY
               What do you recommend besides the steak?
 
               
               
                             WAITER
               The lamb chops are good.

               
                             JERRY
               Anything lighter? How do you prepare 
               the chicken?
 
               
                             WAITER
               It's a full bird. Stuffed with ham, 
               topped with gorganzola.
 
               
                             JERRY
               You know what? I think I'll just have 
               the salad.
 
               
                             WAITER
               . . . Thank you.

               
                             JERRY
               (mind's voice) Just a salad? Just a 
               salad? Just a salad?
 
               
               (Outside of Monk's - James unties his dogs)

               
                             JAMES
               Hey you, hey you.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, uh, ha, you've got dogs?

               
                             JAMES
               Yeah, you know, when you live alone, 
               you're dogs are all you have. Do you 
               like dogs?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               (mind's voice from - ... ) SHUT UP! YOU 
               STUPID LITTLE MUT !
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Dogs. Oh I love dogs.

               
                             JAMES
               Boys, this is Elaine. . . . Sorry, they're 
               usually very friendly. Hey!
 
               
               (Yankee Stadium)

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, Mr. Morgan how was your massage?
 
               
               
                             MORGAN
               I had to cancel it. For some reason 
               my wife got it into her head that it 
               was more than just a massage.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Really?

               
                             MORGAN
               Yeah, we had this big fight at lunch 
               it looks like tonight I will be sleeping 
               on the couch.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, listen don't oversleep. You can't 
               afford to be late again.
 
               
                             MORGAN
               I know. Somebody around here has been 
               giving Wilhelm the impression that I 
               have been slacking off.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Geez, Hey you know something, you should 
               try my friend's wake up service. She 
               swears by this thing.
 
               
                             MORGAN
               Costanza, you may be my only friend 
               around here. By the way, you got that 
               birthday card?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Ah, not yet.

               
                             MORGAN
               Just make sure Steinbrenner doesn't 
               get it until I sign it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Yes sir!

               
               (Jerry's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               I just don't understand it as soon as 
               I met these dogs they started growling 
               at me.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Maybe his dogs heard about how you tried 
               to kidnap that other dog. These muts 
               like to gossip. So have you talked too 
               Holly?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Huh huh.

               
                             JERRY
               Did she mention anything about our lunch?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, kind of.

               
                             JERRY
               What do you mean, "kind of."?

               
                             ELAINE
               I mean, she thought it was kind of strange 
               to just order a salad. . . . You know. 
               . . . For a man.
 
               
                             JERRY
               What are you saying? . . . Salad! What 
               was I thinking? Women don't respect 
               salad eaters.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You got that right.

               
                             JERRY
               But you're going over there for dinner 
               tonight, right?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Um uh.

               
                             JERRY
               What is she making?

               
                             ELAINE
               I don't know. But I'm sure it had, . 
               . . parents. Call her up. She won't 
               mind if you come.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Oh, don't worry. I'll be there and I'll 
               be packing an artery.
 
               
               (Kramer's door - George knocks)

               
                             KRAMER
               Ah, Mr. Weatherbee.

               
                             GEORGE
               You got the Yankee envelope?

               
                             KRAMER
               Sure do.

               
                             GEORGE
               oh,

               
                             KRAMER
               Here you go.

               
                             GEORGE
               Hey, he,

               
                             KRAMER
               You'll be pleased to see what's inside.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               What is this?

               
                             KRAMER
               You're cut of the loot. Stubs gave me 
               200 dollars for the autographed birthday 
               card that was inside.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Who told you to sell the card?

               
                             KRAMER
               You did.

               
                             GEORGE
               No I didn't!

               
                             KRAMER
               No, not in so many words but I believe 
               we had an understanding. (winks)
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I was not winking you idiot. That was 
               the grapefruit. It's like acid. I need 
               that card back. It's Mr. Steinbrenner's. 
               I was responsible.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well Stubs has already sold it to some 
               guy who's kid's in the hospital .
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               Well get it back! It's very important. 
               (winks)
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Look, do you want me to get it back 
               or not?
 
               
                             GEORGE
               (holds eyes wide open) Get it back!
 
               
               
               (Holly's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               Such a lovely table setting. Oh, wear 
               did you get these napkins?
 
               
                             HOLLY
               They're grandma Memma's.

               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, I don't remember them.

               
                             HOLLY
               Oh, you wouldn't. She only used them 
               on special occasions.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Special occassions? It wasn't special 
               when my family visited?
 
               
                             HOLLY
               Everybody like mutton?

               
                             JERRY
               Um, mutton! Hope you didn't cut the 
               fat off.
 
               
               (Hospital room)

               
                             KRAMER
               That you Bobby?

               
                             BOBBY
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, I heard that you have a very uh, 
               special birthday card .with all the 
               Yankee autographs on it.
 
               
                             BOBBY
               Sure do. Mister.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, that's it, yeah. Boy, Stubs sure 
               went to town with this thing huh? Yeah, 
               well, Bobby, uh, what if I told you 
               a very important person at the New York 
               Yankees needed this card back.
 
               
                             BOBBY
               Oh, no. I'd never part with this card 
               for anything in the world.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, uh, Bobby, uh, who's your favorite 
               Yankee.
 
               
                             BOBBY
               Paul O'Neill.

               
                             KRAMER
               All right. What if I tell Paul O'Neill 
               to hit a home run tomorrow, just for 
               you.
 
               
                             BOBBY
               Would he? Paul O'Neill would do that?
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               For you he would.

               
                             BOBBY
               Would he hit two home runs?

               
                             KRAMER
               Two? Sure kid, yeah. But then you gotta 
               promise you'll do something for me.
 
               
               
                             BOBBY
               I know. Get out of this bed one day 
               and walk again.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, that would be nice. But I really 
               just need this card.
 
               
               (Holly's apartment)

               
                             ELAINE
               What about this candelabra?

               
                             HOLLY
               Yeah, that was grandma Memma's also. 
               She bought it on her trip to Europe 
               in 1936. Jerry, I'm thrilled you like 
               my mutton. I was afrais you only ate 
               . . . salad.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, salad's got nothin' on this mutton.
 
               
               
                             HOLLY
               That is so funny. Did you just make 
               that up?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I wish I could take credit for it. It's 
               actually the line my butcher uses when 
               we're chewing the fat. How about that 
               beautiful desk over there? (hides meat 
               in napkin in jacket)
 
               
                             HOLLY
               That was in Grandma's study.

               
                             ELAINE
               What did you do, ransack the place after 
               she died?
 
               
                             JERRY
               This is some FINE mutton.

               
                             ELAINE
               I'm getting out of here. Can I borrow 
               your jacket?
 
               
                             JERRY
               Uh, well, uh the thing is that . . . 
               (Jerry grabs jacket back)
 
               
                             ELAINE
               It's cold out, and I didn't bring my 
               own. Jerry! God forbid I should borrow 
               one from Holly. It might have belonged 
               to grandma Memma. Thanks for mutton.
 
               
               
               (On the street - dogs following Elaine)

               
                             ELAINE
               Down boy, nice doggy . I'm a nice person. 
               Don't believe what you hear.
 
               
               (Holly's)

               
                             HOLLY
               Where are the napkins?

               
                             JERRY
               What?

                             HOLLY
               Grandma Memma's napkins. There's two 
               missing. Elaine took them didn't she?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I don't know about that. Have you got 
               any floss?
 
               
                             HOLLY
               You heard her. She coveted them. I bet 
               she took them just to spite me. She's 
               probably having a good laugh about it 
               right now.
 
               
               (On the street dogs chasing Elaine)

               
                             ELAINE
               Down doggy . oh oh a a a a a

               
               (Jame's apartment)

               
                             JERRY
               Elaine, what are you doing in this neighborhood?
 
               
               
                             ELAINE
               Did you do with the dogs?

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah, they're in the kitchen. . . . 
               okay, quite! What's going on?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               These dogs were chasing me. And no cab 
               would stop and I had to get off the 
               street. Then I remembered that you lived 
               here.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Why were dogs chasing you?

               
                             ELAINE
               They just don't like me. It's a long 
               story. I can tell you one day but I 
               can't tell you right now.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I would askk you to stay tonight but 
               I only have the sofa bed and it's where 
               I sleep.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               We'll have to sleep head to toe.

               
                             JERRY
               Head to toe?

               
                             ELAINE
               Head to toe.

               
               (The next morning at Jame's)

               
                             ELAINE
               Hey, wake up. It's 8:30 you were supposed 
               to walk me up at 7:15.
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'm sorry I didn't get any sleep you 
               kept kicking me in the face.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               You're a wake up guy. Don't you have 
               calls to make?
 
               
                             JERRY
               I'll make them later. Uh.

               
               (Mr. Morgan's - he's asleep on the couch)

               
               (Yankee Stadium - George's office)

               
                             WILHELM
               Have you seen Morgan?

               
                             GEORGE
               He's not here?

               
                             WILHELM
               No, He's late.

               
                             GEORGE
               It's impossible. I got him a wake up 
               service.
 
               
                             WILHELM
               Now, George, you don't have to cover 
               for him any more. He's going to be gone 
               soon and I'm going to recommend you 
               for his job.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               . . . gone?

               
               (Monk's)

               
                             JERRY
               It sounds like all the winking got you 
               a promotion.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I don't want Morgan's job. He's got 
               a lot of work to do. Hey, Elaine, your 
               friend never woke up Mr. Morgan.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Nah, he was tired. He had some feet 
               in his face. My cousin Holly is completely 
               insane. She keeps calling and accusing 
               me of stealing her napkins.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Napkins?

               
                             ELAINE
               I mean, why? Why would I take her stupid 
               napkins.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Because they were in the pockets of 
               my jacket.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               They were?

               
                             JERRY
               Yes. I was using them to spit out the 
               mutton.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Spit it out? I had dogs chasing me for 
               that mutton. I was almost mauled because 
               of that mutton.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               What exactly is mutton?

               
                             JERRY
               I don't know and I didn't want to find 
               out. So where is my jacket?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Oh, I must have left it at Jame's

               
                             JERRY
               You spent the night at James's? Did 
               we?
 
               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah but we reversed positions so there 
               was no funny business.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Reversed positions?

               
                             ELAINE
               Yeah, you know, head to toe.

               
                             JERRY
               So what your genitals are still lined 
               up.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               No, because I slept with my back to 
               him.
 
               
               (long pause - no comment from the guys)

               
               (Yankee Stadium)

               
                             KRAMER
               Mr. O'Neill?

               
                             O'NEILL
               Yeah.

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, uh, look, you don't know me.
 
               
               
                             O'NEILL
               I can give you an autograph there, but 
               my pen's kind of screwed up. You'd only 
               like half a "P" or something.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               No, it's uh, not that see,. It's about 
               a little boy in a hospital. I was wondering 
               if you could do something to lift his 
               spirits.
 
               
                             O'NEILL
               Sure, I could help you there.

               
                             KRAMER
               Sure, well I promised you would hit 
               him two home runs.
 
               
                             O'NEILL
               Say what?

               
                             KRAMER
               You know, Klick!. A couple of dingers.
 
               
               
                             O'NEILL
               You promised a kid in the hospital that 
               I would hit two home runs?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, well, no good?

               
                             O'NEILL
               Yeah. That's no good. It's terrible. 
               You don't hit home runs like that. It's 
               hard to hit home runs. And where the 
               heck did you get two from?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Two is better than one.

               
                             O'NEILL
               That, that's ridiculous. I'm not a home 
               run hitter.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, Babe Ruth did it.

               
                             O'NEILL
               He did not.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, do you say that Babe Ruth is a liar?
 
               
               
                             O'NEILL
               I'm not calling him a liar but he was 
               not stupid enough to promise two.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Well, maybe I did overextend myself.
 
               
               
                             O'NEILL
               How the heck did you get in here anyway?
 
               
               
               (James's)

               
                             JAMES
               (on phone) Oh, hi Elaine. You know I 
               lost all of my 6:30 clients because 
               of you. . . . Yeah, well why did you 
               have to stick your feet in my face? 
               . . . Yes, I have the jacket. Hold on. 
               . . . (to dogs) Fellas!
 
               
               (Hospital)

               
                             TV
               The Yankees take the field on a beautiful 
               afternoon.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               It's hot in here. Hey, Bobby, can I 
               have some of your juice?
 
               
                             BOBBY
               After Paul O'Neill hits his first home 
               run.
 
               
               (Jerry's)

               
                             HOLLY
               (from buzzer) It's Holly.

               
                             JERRY
               Yeah. Come on up.

               
                             TV
               And the two and one pitch to O'Neill. 
               A towering shot back to deep right field 
               and it's gone.
 
               
               (Hospital)

               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah.

               
                             TV
               A home run for Paul O'Neill. The Yanks 
               lead one nothing.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               OH YEAH! ALL RIGHT!

               
                             BOBBY
               One more to go.

               
               (Jerry's)

               
               (Holly enters)

               
                             JERRY
               Hey. What's all this?

               
                             HOLLY
               I decided I was going to make you dinner.
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I thought we were going out.

               
                             HOLLY
               Well, after you scarfed up my mutton 
               I had the irresistible urge to make 
               pork chops for you. I said hello to 
               Franco for you.
 
               
                             JERRY
               Franco?

               
                             HOLLY
               Your butcher, down the street.

               
                             JERRY
               I bet he acted aloof like he didn't 
               know me.
 
               
                             HOLLY
               A little.

               
                             JERRY
               That is so Franco.

               
               (Hospital)

               
                             TV
               Bottom of the eighth, score tied at 
               one apiece. Two and one to Paul O'Neill.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               You know Bobby, it's very very hard 
               to hit two home runs in one game. Even 
               for Paul O'Neill.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               He can do it, Mr. Kramer. I know he 
               can. He'll do it for me.
 
               
                             TV
               "Klick! Long fly ball into deep left 
               field over Bell's head . . . O'Neill's 
               rounding second O'Neill going for third, 
               O'Neill rounding . . .
 
               
                             KRAMER
               Come on Come on!

               
                             TV
               . . . third being waived in.

               
                             KRAMER
               GO! GO!!

               
                             TV
               . . . Martinez throws it over Alomar's 
               head. O'Neill is safe at home. And the 
               Yankees take the lead.
 
               
                             KRAMER
               An In The Park Home Run!

               
                             BOBBY
               Yeay!

               
                             KRAMER
               All Right! Yeah, well, I guess I'll 
               be on my way (grabs framed card)
 
               
                             TV
               That's being scored a triple for Paul 
               O'Neill with a throwing error charged 
               to Martinez.
 
               
                             BOBBY
               Hey, ...

               
                             KRAMER
               Huh?

               
                             BOBBY
               ... that's not a home run. (grabs frame)
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Yeah, maybe not technically, but ...
 
               
               
                             BOBBY
               You said he'd hit two home runs.

               
                             KRAMER
               Oh, come on. Bobby, Bobby! That's just 
               as good!
 
               
                             BOBBY
               Well, you're not taking that card.
 
               
               
                             KRAMER
               Now, Bobby, Bobby, we had a deal . . 
               . gimme that ...
 
               
               (Jerry's)

               
                             HOLLY
               So, is the chop the way you like it?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               I usually like mine with an angioplasty.
 
               
               
               (stuffs meat in sofa)

               
               (Elaine enters)

               
                             ELAINE
               You know something really stinks to 
               high h... Holly! What are you doing here?
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               What everyone does here. - Cooking pork 
               chops.
 
               
                             ELAINE
               I'm uh, I'm meeting James here. He's 
               bringing over your jacket.
 
               
                             HOLLY
               What about the napkins?

               
                             ELAINE
               I didn't take your napkins.

               
                             HOLLY
               Then who did?

               
                             ELAINE
               Ask Jerry.

               
                             JERRY
               We could argue all night over who took 
               the napkins. The point is in today's 
               modern world it just doesn't seem relevant.
 
               
               
               (George's office, Yankee Stadium)

               
                             WILHELM
               I still want to know what happened to 
               that birthday card? Now, Morgan, did 
               you ever sign it?
 
               
                             MORGAN
               No sir, George never gave it to me.
 
               
               
                             GEORGE
               No, that's right, I didn't. I take full 
               responsibility for the card not being 
               here. I, uh, . . .
 
               
               (Kramer enters)

               
                             KRAMER
               Hi,

               
                             WILHELM
               What's this?

                             KRAMER
               Oh, it's a birthday card.

               
                             KRAMER
               (to George) Oh, by the way, tomorrow 
               night, Paull O'Neill has to catch a 
               fly ball in his hat.
 
               
                             WILHELM
               George, this is beautiful. Why didn't 
               you tell me you were going to have it 
               mounted like this?
 
               
                             KRAMER
               And you were probably just going to 
               stick it in an envelope.
 
               
                             WILHELM
               Ha ha ha ha ha, George, keep up the 
               good work.
 
               
                             MORGAN
               Ha ha, uh, well you screwed me again, 
               Costanza. How am I supposed to sign 
               the card now when it's already under 
               glass?
 
               
               (Jerry's)

               
               (James enters with his dogs)

               
                             ELAINE
               Uh, this is,...

               
                             HOLLY
               Excuse me. What are those dogs wearing?
 
               
               
                             JAMES
               Oh, bandanas, aren't they cute?

               
                             HOLLY
               You gave Memma's napkins to some dogs?!
 
               
               
                             JERRY
               Hey, what happened to my jacket?

               
                             JAMES
               Oh, the dogs did that but it wasn't 
               their fault, somebody stuffed some strange 
               meat in the pocket.
 
               
                             HOLLY
               Was it mutton?

               
                             JAMES
               Could have been.

               
                             HOLLY
               Do you always stuff meat in your pocket?
 
               
               
               (Dogs climbing on sofa)

               
                             JERRY
               Uh, sometimes I use the sofa.

               
               (Steinbrenner's office)

               
               (George enters)

               
                             GEORGE
               You wanted to see me, Mr. Steinbrenner?
 
               
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Yes, George, please, come in, come in.
 
               
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Thanks for the card. I loved it. Gosh 
               it made me feel good. You know, word 
               has it that you were the brains behind 
               the whole thing.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh, no, not just me, the whole organization. 
               Especially Mr. Morgan.
 
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Morgan, Morgan, you know his name is 
               conspicuously absent from this card. 
               Almost like he went out of his way not 
               to sign it.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Oh no, Morgan is a good man sir.

               
                             STEINBRENNER
               You can stop kowtowing to Morgan. Congratulations, 
               you got his job.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               Wa, uh, thank you sir, you know I am 
               not quite sure I'm right for it.
 
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Stop it George, he's out, you're in.
 
               
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               A lot more work you know.

               
                             GEORGE
               I know.

               
                             STEINBRENNER
               A lot more responsibility. Long long 
               hours.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               I know.

               
                             STEINBRENNER
               Not much more money. But you'll finally 
               get the recognition you deserve.
 
               
                             GEORGE
               That's what I'm afraid of. You know 
               Mr. Steinbrenner, . . .
 
               
                             STEINBRENNER
               You know as painfull as it is I had 
               to let a few people go over the years. 
               Yogi Berra, Lou Pinella, Bucky Dent, 
               Billy Martin, Dallas Green, Dick Houser, 
               Bill Virdon, Billy Martin, Scott Marrow, 
               Billy Martin, Bob Lemmon, Billy Martin, 
               Gene Michael, Buck Showalter, ... uh, 
               tut!, . . .George, you didn't hear that 
               from me. (George exits) . . . George!
 
               
               
               
               
               
                            THE END



The Wink



Writers :   Tom Gammill  Max Pross
Genres :   Comedy


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