"AN ELEPHANT MAKES LOVE TO A PIG"
Matt Stone, Trey Parker & Dan Sterling
EXT. BUSSTOP - MORNING
The boys patiently wait for the bus.
Hey Stan, where'd you get that black
Nothing... I mean, I mean, nowhere.
Your sister beat you up again, huh?
Yup, your sister kicked your ass.
She's just pissed off 'cause she got
head gear at the dentist. She's taking
it out on me.
Yeah, but that sucks you get your
butt kicked by a girl Stan.
I would NEVER let a woman kick my
ass! If she tried anything, I'd be
like 'HEY! You get your bitch ass
back in the kitchen and make me some
My parents don't even believe that
she beats me up. They think she's
all innocent and sweet. But I know
that she's an evil bitch.
Be a man, Stan. Just say 'HEY WOMAN!
YOU, YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND MAKE
Stan rolls his eyes.
Hey Kyle, what's that elephant doing?
ZOOM OUT to reveal that Kyle has a full-grown African Elephant
on a leash.
You mean this one?
He's my new pet elephant.
Whoa, dude, where'd you get a pet
I got it mail order from Africa. The
ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks,
but it only took three.
Wow, that's cool!
No it's not cool! My mom won't let
me keep him in the house. She says
he's too big. And that its poop is
bigger than our couch.
That's why MY mom got ME a pot bellied
pig. 'Cause it's poop is small.
Cartman gestures with his hands.
Mmmh mph mhhph mmmam nmmm.
Well yeah, but pigs aren't smart
The bus pulls up to pick up the kids. The door flies open
and Mrs. Crabtree spots Kyle's Elephant.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT IS THAT
Kyle and Stan look at each other.
Uh, oh this is the new retarded kid.
The elephant blinks.
Oh, I'm sorry, little girl...
But you still can't get on. You have
to take the special Ed bus.
WHIP PAN to the special Ed. bus. A little bus filled with
handicapped children (*NOTE -- This is REALLY funny.)
Boy, it looks like you're not welcome
anywhere elephant. See ya.
The boys get on the bus, leaving the elephant behind.
If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd
say 'HEY! YOU GO DO MY LAUNDRY And...
SIT DOWN, KID!!
INT. SCHOOL - DAY
The boys are in class.
And now, children, our friend Mr.
Hat is going to tell us all about
That's right, Mr. Garrison, Genetic
Engineering is an exciting new
science. You can splice the DNA from
some animals and make them better.
Kyle seems incredibly intrigued.
With genetic engineering, can you
make a elephant smaller?
Well uh... Yes I suppose you could.
You could splice elephant genes with a dog or cat or pot
bellied pig genes.
That's it! I'm going to combine my
elephant with a pot-bellied pig and
make... POT BELLIED ELEPHANTS!
The class gasps.
They'd be smart like elephants but
small like pigs!
That'd be cool!
I wanna pot-bellied elephant!
Yes, I'll pay $50 for one.
Terrance, ungroomed and nerdy, pipes up.
Shut up Terrance, we can genetical
engineer anything we want.
Oh yea! I bet I can genetically clone
a WHOLE HUMAN BEING before you
crossbreed an elephant and a pig.
I bet you can't!
Watch me plebeian!
Well, spank my ass and call me
Charlie. Isn't this exciting, two A+
students in a cloning war!
Yes Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering
let's us correct God's horrible,
horrible mistakes... like German
people. You know you boys might want
to visit the genetic engineering
ranch outside of town for some help.
And you could both use this for your
science fair projects next month.
The bell RINGS. The kids all pile out the door.
Genetic engineering ranch?! Sweet!
Wait, wait, we still need a pig.
We can use Cartman's pig.
Cartman's eyes bulge.
Hey!! You leave Fluffy out of this!
We're not gonna hurt her. We just
need some of her blood.
You're not using any of Fluffy's
blood! Else I'll kick you in the
Kyle and Kenny leave.
Kyle... Kyle! No!
Cartman storms off. Stan starts to follow him but Mr. Garrison
Uh, uh Stanley, Can I talk to you
for a minute?
I couldn't help but notice that black
eye you have. Are there problems at
(hanging his head)
Oh, dear... Here, Stanly, sit down,
have some cocoa, and tell your friend
Mr. Hat all about it.
Garrison pours some hot cocoa and hands it to Stan gently.
I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You
can tell me ANYTHING. Now, who hits
you? Is it your father or your mother?
Oh, neither, it's my sister.
Mr. Garrison pulls Mr. Hat away.
Your sister? Oh, for Pete's sake,
don't be such a little wuss! Stop
wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy
little foo foo problems... and give
me back my cocoa!
INT. STAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
Stan opens the door slowly. He peeks his head in.
After he sees the coast is clear, he steps in and closes the
door behind him. When he turns around, his big sister, SHELLEY
stands looming over him.
Are you looking at my head gear?
Head gear? What head gear?
Are you looking at my head gear?
Oh, gosh. I didn't really notice.
Shelly moves towards Stan.
You little liar!
No! I think it looks terrific! It
matches your --
Shelley picks him up and starts whacking him against the
wall. Stan howls! She hurls him toward the basement stairs
and we hear SCREAMS and a THUD-THUD-THUD CRASH.
A bruised, mangled Stan comes crawling up the stairs on his
hands and knees.
Shelly picks him up again and throws him out the front window.
The glass CRASHES and he lands out on the front lawn where
Kyle, Kenny and Cartman stand waiting.
Ready to go Stan?
Stan looks up from the broken glass.
To the genetical engineering ranch!
We got Cartman's pig so we can splice
its genes with my elephant.
NOBODY'S SPLICING NOTHING FROM
Kyle helps Stan up.
I swear I'm going to kill you Stan!
Why is your sister so mean to you,
Yeah, if some sissy chick tried to
kick my ass I'd be all like, 'HEY,
LISTEN MISSY!!! WHY DON'T YOU GO
KNIT ME A SWEATER BEFORE I SLAP YOU
IN THE FACE!!!!'
Who said that?!
The kids all look toward the house, scared. Cartman points
at Kenny. Kenny's eyes pop.
EXT. GENETIC ENGINEERING RANCH - NIGHT
The boys stand outside an ominous building, Kyle with his
elephant and Cartman with his pig. The sign out front reads
"SOUTH PARK GENETIC ENGINEERING RANCH." Below, in smaller
letters, it reads "Splicin' n' Dicin' fresh DNA since 1965."
They stare at the building. Thunder and lightning crash.
This must be it.
Well, looks like nobody's home. Guess
we should come back some other time.
No Cartman! We're going in there and
splicing Fluffy and my elephant
Fluffy whines a little.
It's okay Fluffy, I won't let them
It's just a stupid pig.
Yeah, quit being such a baby.
Baby? Well, at least I don't get my
ass kicked by a girl!
Least I'm not a little pig-#$%@er!
AY!! I'm taking my pig and screw you
guys, I'm going home. This whole
idea is stupid anyway!
What the hell would you know, you
fat sweaty mongoloid!? You never get
higher than a D!
AY!! Why don't you go back to San
Francisco with the rest of the Jews?!
There's no Jews in San Francisco you
I'll kick you in the nuts!!
The door suddenly FLIES open and Mr. Mephesto stands there.
Can I help you?
The boys reel back in fear from Mephesto's presence.
Uh... Yeah... We want to cross breed
an elephant with a pig.
Brilliant idea! Huge, elephant-sized
No no no, we want to make little
potbellied elephants that people can
keep in their houses as pets!
Oh, that's an even better idea! Come
INT. GENETIC ENGINEERING RANCH - NIGHT
The boys follow Mephesto through the creepy lab.
I'm so pleased that you children are
interested in genetic engineering...
It's okay fluffy... Nobody's going
to hurt you...
It's thanks to the wonder of genetic
engineering that soon there will be
an end to hunger, disease, pollution,
even war. I've created things that
will change the world for the better --
-- For instance, here is a monkey
with four asses.
In a cage is a medium sized monkey with four asses that looks
How does that make the world better?
Stan shrugs. Mephesto shows them more pissed-off animals.
And here, of course, is my four-assed
ostrich, and my four-assed mongoose.
The Boys look increasingly confused.
Do you have anything besides just
animals with four asses?
Oh, well, I suppose so... Ah yes,
over here --
Mephesto points to some odd-looking animals.
Here I have rats spliced with ducks...
And gorillas spliced with mosquitos.
And here I have rabbits spliced with
fish to make little bunny fish!!
In a tank, four fish with bunny ears swim around. Cartman
looks at them closely and notices that the bunny ears have
little strings attached to them.
Hey... These bunny ears are tied on
with little strings!
And over here is swiss cheese spliced
with chalk... And a beard.
The boys look at the bearded swiss cheese with chalk.
Well what about our pot-bellied
Oh... well I'm sorry children, but
pig and elephant DNA just won't
splice. Haven't you ever heard that
song by Loverboy?
Which song is that?
"Da'n Do-A, Pig and Elephant D-N-A
Just Won't Splice?".
The kids look at each other.
However maybe I could help you add a
few asses to that swine of yours.
You can keep your hands off of
Suddenly, Mr. Mephesto grabs a syringe and SHOVES it into
Stan's arm and takes a blood sample.
You know it's amazing what we can do
with a little blood sample these
Mephesto quickly hides the syringe behind his back.
Hmm? What? Oh excuse me.
Wait, what are you taking Stan's
Oh, pardon me, I tripped. Could I
have some hair please?
Mephesto reaches for Stan's head.
Watch out Stan, genetic engineers
Come on Fluffy!!!
The kids scramble out the door, knocking Mephesto down.
1ST COMMERCIAL BREAK
EXT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY - DAY
INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
The boys are on line for food. A little English boy, dressed
in knickers and a hat gets in line behind the boys.
Oh, I sure am hungry.
'Allo gentlemen. Any of you blokes
know what's for lunch today? Lunchie
Go away, Pip, nobody likes you.
Yeah, what kind of name is Pip,
Well, my father's family name being
Pirrip and my Christian name Phillip,
my infant tongue --
God Damnit would you shut the hell
up?! Nobody gives a rat's ass.
Yeah, go away Pip.
God, French people piss me off.
The Boys turn around to see Terrance and the gang.
You morons give up on your stupid
science fair project yet?
No, we're already half-way done!
Then all you've got is a stupid pig!
Yeah a gay pig too! Stupid gay pig.
It's more than you've got.
Wrong! We've already got our human
clone well underway!
Fosse unveils... a human foot! He places it on the floor and
it starts walking around.
Oh my God! They cloned a foot!
Hey, I'll kick your ass.
By Friday, we're gonna clone a whole
human being. Good luck with your
stupid little pig.
The nerds walk away, laughing.
Hello there, children.
How're you doing?
KYLE & STAN
We need to genetically engineer a
pig and an elephant, but their genes
Aw, of course they wont splice
children. Haven't you ever heard
that song by Loverboy. "Da'n Do-A,
Pig and Elephant D-N-A Just Won't
The boys look confused.
A pig-elephant? Say, now that's a
not a bad idea.
I told you guys.
Imagine, a pint-sized elephant that
you could keep in the house...
Children, we could make a fortune
You hear that, dudes? We'll be rich!
But forget all that genetic
engineerwhoosa-fudge... If you want
to combine a pig and an elephant,
just get them to make sweet love.
I don't think an elephant would make
love to a pig.
I don't think my pig would wanna
make love to that stupid elephant!!
Sure they would... But you're gonna
have to get 'em in the mood.
Well how do we do that?
Do what I do... get 'em good and
EXT. BUS STOP - DAY
The boys get off the bus.
Hey, uh you guys wanna come over to
We've got work to do Stan. I think
it takes a while for an elephant to
Really? You guys don't want to come
over just for a little bit?
Why, your sister gonna kick your ass
Shut up Cartman!
Mprh mmprh nmph!
Yeah Stan, she's just a girl.
Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my
ass I'd be like 'HEY, WHY DON'T YOU
STOP DRESSING ME UP LIKE A MAILMAN
AND MAKING ME DANCE FOR YOU WHILE
YOU GO AND SMOKE CRACK IN YOUR BEDROOM
AND HAVE SEX WITH SOME GUY I DON'T
EVEN KNOW ON MY DADS BED!"
Kyle turns around to face Stan.
Cartman, what the hell are you talking
I'm just saying you're just a little
wuss. That's all.
Stan, you can use family love as a
weapon against Shelley. The next
time she's going to kick your ass
just tell her 'Shelley, you're my
sister and I love you.'
Mph mph mph.
Sick dude! She's my sister!
Try it. We'll see you in a while,
we've got to go get Cartman's pig.
No you don't gotta get Cartman's
pig. You leave Fluffy out of this!
Come on Kenny!
Kyle walks off with Kenny.
Kyle NO!! Seriously!! NO ELEPHANT IS
GOING TO MAKE LOVE TO MY FLUFFY.
Kyle I would kick you in the nuts.
Cartman storms off leaving Stan alone.
INT. STAN'S HOUSE - DAY
Stan timidly enters the living room. She has her head gear
on, and now, in addition, an extremely unsightly back brace.
Are you staring at my neck brace?
No. I mean yes, I mean, what neck
Shelley wraps her hands around Stan's throat, ready to pummel,
when Stan recalls Kyle's advice.
Shelley, before you beat my face
into a bloody pulp again, I just
want you to know that -- that you're
my sister, and -- I love you.
Shelley's face is taken over by a quizzical look. Stan looks
hopeful, believing he might just have reached her.
Suddenly Shelley's eyebrows turn sharply downward.
THWACK! Shelley bitch-slaps Stan clear across the room, then
starts beating him furiously.
OW! Someday, Shelley, I'm gonna be
bigger than you, and you're gonna
wish you'd never done any of this to
You'll never be bigger than me, Stan.
INT. GENETIC ENGINEERING RANCH - NIGHT
Mr. Mephesto looks into a giant INCUBATOR.
Beautiful! It's absolutely beautiful!!
PULL BACK TO REVEAL a strange larva growing. Through the
larva casing, we can make out a large, embryonic form, clad
in a familiar blue hat with a red pompom.
My son, I think we've finally done
PAN across the room to reveal... Terrance, Bill and Fosse!
Yes we have, dad! My very own HUMAN
BILL & FOSSE
Hope he's not a gay clone... Ha Ha.
yeah! That was so stupid, stupid.
The boys high-five.
EXT. SOUTH PARK - NIGHT
The boys and Fluffy are in the same clearing that the UFOs
were in, in ep. 102. The boys are feeding malt liquor to the
elephant from a keg they towed in on a red wagon.
Come on, Elephant! Keep drinking!
The elephant tiredly slurps down the beer. It belches and
stumbles a little.
Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to
be to make sweet love to the pig?
The elephant looks at Fluffy. From the elephant's POV:
A blurred image of an ugly pig. The elephant cringes and
quickly starts drinking more beer.
Dammit! This is never gonna work!!
Chef happens along.
Hello children. I thought I'd check
and see how our little entrepreneurial
venture is going.
Rotten! They're both really drunk,
but they won't have sex.
Oh, children. You can't just stick a
drunk pig with a drunk elephant and
expect them to do the mattress mambo.
You need to set the mood.
Chef pulls out a huge boom-box with a microphone attached.
He presses play, and very sexy, seductive music kicks in.
Landau and Fluffy prick up their ears.
Let me show you boys what I'm talking
Tonight is right for love, you know.
I wanna touch you where the lights
don't go -- Tonight is right for
love, love gravy. Expressing love so
sweet, I wanna keep you burning like
a dog in heat. Tonight is right for
love, love gravy. Ladies and gentlemen
Mr. Elton John...
Ooh tonight, all is right, ooh tonight
is right for love, love gravy.
Thank you Elton... Tonight is right
for love, love gravy.
MONTAGE: SOUTH PARK HUMPING SEQUENCE
EXT. SOUTH PARK - CONTINUOUS
As we hear Chef's music, we see through a window of a house,
a male and female silhouette gettin' busy.
Hey, look! It's working!
Landau drunkenly gets up on top of Fluffy.
Now children, gather 'round and watch
the wonders of life, the beauty of
The boys all gather around Chef. From the expressions on
their faces, and the horrible NOISES that emerge, it is
apparent that Landau and Fluffy have started screwing.
Hmmm, now I know how all those white
women must have felt.
COMMERCIAL BREAK #2
INT. GENETIC ENGINEERING RANCH
Mr. Mephesto looks in the incubator. The larva is hatching!
Ooh! How luscious! Our creature has
come to fruition, boys!
The creature rips through the casing, revealing itself to be
A GIANT, STRANGE, STAN!
Dad, you're the best!
Mephesto notices that the Big Stan only has one ass.
Oh my God! He only has one ass! He's
of no use to me, I'll have to burn
Big Stan frowns when he hears this. He starts pounding on
the incubator wall. He kicks the incubator door open!
Oh no, this entire experiment is
turning out very bad.
Big Stan grabs one of the four-assed animals and hurls it
against a wall!
Egads!! He's out of control! We'll
have to destroy him.
But he's our science fair project!
Bubba chewy chomp!!!
He's too dangerous, son!
(stomping his feet)
But Dad! I wanna a HUMAN CLONE!!
Terrance opens the door and lets Stan free.
Big Stan immediately crashes through a window. Everybody
watches the Giant Stan run down toward South Park.
Oh, son! You've made a horrible
mistake! You've put all the people
of South Park in jeopardy!
They're all stupid anyway!! Come on
guys, let's go!!
Yeah... they're all gay.
The boys take off.
EXT. BARN - MORNING
The boys and Chef watch eagerly, waiting for Landau and Fluffy
to wake up.
Aren't they ever gonna wake up?
Oh, they will. But it's gonna be one
I thought you said the wonder of
mother nature was a beautiful thing.
Yeah. When does mother nature go
from "beautiful" to "ugly"?
Usually about 9:30 in the morning,
Landau groggily opens his eyes and yawns.
Uh oh! Here we go!
Landau seems to be okay, until he rolls over and sees the
pig that he slept with last night. He SCREAMS wildly!
Yeah, there's nothing worse than
getting all drunk and waking up the
next morning next to a pig, or a big
Now Fluffy wakes up. When she sees that she is in bed with
an elephant, she slaps her forehead with her little hoof and
Hey, how do we know if she's pregnant?
Well, boys, we might not know that
for a couple of days.
A couple of days? But Terrance is
going to have his human clone by
Well good job Einstein! Why don't we
just build a rocket in the mean time?!
Kyle WHACKS Cartman.
Mr. Mephesto appears suddenly.
Oh thank Bhudda, I've found you boys.
You must tell me, have you seen
anything odd lately?
Uh, we saw an elephant have sex with
No, no I said "odd."
Hey, you're that crazy cracker from
up on the hill.
Sir! If making mutant animals spliced
with humans is crazy, then... uh...
Chef takes this in for a moment, then
I'm afraid there's been a bit of an
incident at the ranch. You see, I've
created a large, mutant clone of
that little boy there, and he's broken
The kids eyes open wide!
Mph mph mmph.
A big mutant version of me?!
Is he bigger than a regular clone?!
He's terribly dangerous. His brain
is identical to yours. I need you to
help me find him!
Stan has a huge smile on his face.
EXT. SOUTH PARK AVENUE - DAY
Big mutant Stan is wreaking havoc in downtown South Park.
He's destroying buildings. People run and scream in terror.
Big Stan picks up a car and tosses it like a football. Mr.
Garrison comes around a corner.
Stan, are you wearing a different
Cha waaha waah.
The Stan thing grabs Mr. Garrison.
HEY! I know a certain young man who
is itching for detention!
Haa Cheww weee.
Big Stan throws Mr. Garrison through Jimbo's Gun shop window.
Meanwhile, Stan leads the other boys in the search for Big
How big do you think he is? I bet he
weighs FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS!
Come on, Stan! Don't you even know
where you would go?
Mmph! Mpm nmnm!
Oh my God!
The boys see Big Stan carrying a few innocent people. He
disappears around a corner.
INT. T.V SET - DAY
It appears that the horrible,
destructive creature is actually
eight year old Stan Marsh of South
A picture of innocent little Stan is put up.
When asked why he was wreaking such
havoc on his home town, the little
boy replied simply 'Me Stan, bu chomp
ba chewy chomp ba chewy chomp'...
Back to you in the studio.
Thanks Tom, police are requesting
that if you see this little eight
year old boy, you immediately kill
him and burn his body. That's all
And now back to Jesus and Pals!!
Yea, the way is paved with gold for
ye who seek truth and --
Suddenly, evil Stan rips through the set.
Ba chomp Ba chewy chomp.
BA CHOMP!! BA CHEWY CHOMP!!
Stan tears the set apart.
EXT. SOUTH PARK - DAY
Officer Barbrady directs traffic amidst the chaos. The kids
run up to him.
Officer Barbrady! My evil genetic
clone is destroying the town! We
have to find him!
You boys have been watching the X
files too much. There's no such thing
Suddenly, the evil Stan grabs Barbrady by the throat and
tosses him into Starks' Pond.
Come on! Let's go!
Suddenly, Jimbo comes up behind Stan and grabs his shoulder.
There you are! Stanly, you tore up
my entire gun shop! You better have
a GOOD explanation for this Mister!
It wasn't me, Uncle Jimbo, it was my
evil genetic clone.
Mr. Garrison appears.
Stanly! What the hell has gotten
into you? You have got severe
lunchroom duty Mister!
I'm gonna have a word with your father
Yeah, you wait 'till your father
hears about this.
Wait Stan! There he goes!
Evil Stan starts to walks away.
The Stan thing turns and looks at Stan oddly.
He recognizes you, dude.
That's good, that's good dude, just
Evil Stan now turns his head. He rests and sits down.
Ba chewy chomp.
What should we do with him?
Stan... How would you like to go
home and meet your sister?
Evil Stan smiles.
Haa Ba Chew
INT. STAN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
(to Big Stan)
So remember, Shelley's the one with
a big wire coming out of her mouth
and a metal plate on her back. When
you see Shelley, KICK HER ASS. Shelley
bad! Shelley very bad!!
Big Stan's wide eyes turn to extreme fear.
He thinks Stan is calling him bad. He goes berserk! Big Stan
starts wrecking the place! He knocks over book cases, the
china cabinet, tables, chairs.
No! SHELLY Bad! YOU GOOD!!
He's tearing up the house. Stop him!!!
Kenny lunges at Big Stan, but Big Stan sends him flying
through the air... and right into the large microwave.
The door slams shut and the power goes on.
Big Stan continues to rip the place to shreds. All the boys
are SHOUTING and jumping on him, but he keeps throwing them
off, sending them in all directions.
Finally, Big Stan turns around and finds himself face to
face with Shelley.
What the hell do you want?
They size each other up for a second and then Shelley hauls
off and belts him with overwhelming force. Big Stan goes
Ba chewy chewy chomp... Uh.
Mr. Mephesto rushes in.
Boys, boys, I'm lusciously sorry for
Terrance, Bill and Fosse burst in.
Hey! They've got our clone! He belongs
No, son! This beast is a disgrace to
genetic engineers everywhere.
(to the Boys)
Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such
inconvenience. I tried to play God
and I failed --
Mr. Mephesto pulls out a gun and SHOOTS a hole right through
Big Stan's head! The blood splatters in Terrance's face. Big
Stan falls to the floor dead.
All I've ever wanted was to
genetically engineer something useful.
(starting to weep)
But I've failed. Perhaps we shouldn't
be toying with God's creations.
Perhaps we should just leave nature
alone to it's simple one assed
Mephesto starts to sob.
You cheating bastards! This isn't
over! Just wait until tomorrow!!
The nerds leave. Utterly depressed, Mephesto follows.
The microwave dings and a crispy, moist Kenny falls out and
onto the floor with a squish.
Oh my God! They killed Kenny!
(shaking his fist at
Mom and Dad are home. My house is a
disaster. You guys gotta help me!!!
I ain't helping crap! I wanna eat
You can't just leave me here alone!
Oh yeah? Watch me!
Yeah Stan, we have to go find out if
Cartman's pig is pregnant or not.
Kyle and Cartman bolt.
Thanks a lot!!!
Oh boy, you are gonna GET IT now!!!
Stan looks through the window. He looks back in total shock.
Shelley approaches Stan menacingly. Stan starts to sob.
It isn't fair! Everybody hates me!
The whole town wants me killed!
Mom and Dad are gonna send me away!
Shelley stops in her tracks and watches her pitiful brother
I don't wanna be sent away! I want
to stay here! WAAAGGHH!!!
The door opens. In walk Stan's mild-mannered parents.
STANLY!! WHAT IN GOD'S NAME HAVE YOU
EVERYBODY IN TOWN IS UPSET WITH YOU
YOUNG MAN! WHAT'S GOING ON?! ARE YOU
The parents approach Stan, but Shelley steps in their way.
It's not Stan's fault.
It wasn't Stan, he was... he was
with me the whole time.
Stan looks utterly shocked.
Oh... Well, Stan we're... We're sorry
we jumped to conclusions...
Oh honey, please forgive us son.
The parents hug Stan and walk away. Stan is still in shock.
Finally, Stan snaps out of his daze.
Shelley, you -- you saved my life!
Shelley stares blankly at Stan.
And yet, you've done so much more
than that. Today, you've taught me
the meaning of family.
Shelley continues to stare blankly at Stan.
Sure, families don't always get along.
But when the forces of evil descend
upon us, we conquer them. By sticking
Shelley continues to stare. Stan goes to hug his sister.
SOCK! Shelley decks Stan right in the mouth. She proceeds to
give him the beating of a life time.
Rats pull Kenny apart.
END OF ACT II
EXT. SCHOOL - DAY
INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
Everyone, let's give Casey and his
weed a big hand. Okay, Kyle we're
ready to see your science project.
Well, our pig hasn't given birth
yet, but she should any time now.
Oh well then I guess you get an F.
Okay Terrance I know the class can hardly wait to see your
science fair project.
Thank you Mr. Garrison.
Fosse and Bill wheel in a large cage covered by a cloth.
Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students.
For our science fair project, Bill,
Fosse and I have spawned a creature
genetically far superior to man. I
present to you --
Fosse and Bill rip away the cloth.
...The five-assed monkey!
Inside the cage is the formerly four-assed monkey, now with
a fifth ass. The ape now looks absolutely furious.
Everyone APPLAUDS. Terrance and the boys bow.
Oh Mr. Hat isn't it beautiful.
Wait, Wait, the pig just gave birth,
it had a baby!!!
Cartman and Kyle carry in a large cage, but we can't quite
see what's inside. The class gathers around to look. Many
"Oohs" and "Wow's are heard.
What's it look like?
Does it look like a pig or an
Hey, it kinda looks like Mr. Garrison.
Oh, gee. Isn't that an amazing
coincidence? What are the odds of
You boys get first prize!
Fluffy stands proud of her offspring. Cartman looks down at
her with a little glow around his head.
That'll do pig.