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                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                      Episode 610


                            "BEBE'S BOOBS DESTROY SOCIETY"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [Cartman's house, morning. Stan, Kyle, and Tweek show up. Stan 
               rings the doorbell. Liane comes to the door]
 
                                     LIANE
                         Oh, hello boys.

                                     STAN
                         Hi. Uh, the school called and said we 
                         all have to start going to class again.
 
                         
                                     LIANE
                         Oh, but I thought your teacher died.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         She did, but now they're saying we have 
                         to start going back to school anyways. 
                         It's totally gay.
 
                                     LIANE
                         Oh. Well, I'll tell Eric. He's just 
                         down in the basement playing with his 
                         dolls. 
 
                                     TWEEK
                         Cartman likes to play with dolls?

               [Cartman's basement. He's playing with a rubber lamb at the edge 
               of a hole in the basement.]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Hello, Precious. Yes, that's a good 
                         Precious.  Now it takes the lotion from 
                         the basket.
 
                                     POLLY PRISSY PANTS
                          Oh please, mister. Please let me out 
                         of here.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         It puts the lotion on its skin or else 
                         it gets the hose again.
 
                                     POODLE
                          Bark bark bark bark!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes, that's a good Precious. Okay, now 
                         it puts the lotion back in the basket.
 
                         
                                     POLLY PRISSY PANTS
                         Please, mister, let me out.

                                     CARTMAN
                         It puts the lotion back in the basket!
 
                         
                                     POLLY PRISSY PANTS
                         I miss my Mom, mister. I wanna see my 
                         Mommy-
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Put the lotion in the fuckin' basket!
 
                         
                                     LIANE
                         Sweetie.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes Mom?

                                     LIANE
                         You have to get ready for school

                                     CARTMAN
                          ...No, our teacher's dead. Remember?
 
                         
                                     LIANE
                         Yes, but they said two weeks off was 
                         enough, and they want everyone back.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Two weeks isn't enough. I'm not over 
                         our teacher's tragic death. I'm still 
                         sh-shooken up.
 
                                     LIANE
                         You'll get over it, honey.

                                     CARTMAN
                          But I wanna plaaayyy.

               [South Park Elementary, Fourth Grade. The kids pour into the 
               classroom, chattering. Wendy walks up and starts talking to Red 
               and Jordan]
 
                                     WENDY
                         I can't believe it's been two weeks 
                         since I've seen you guys. What have 
                         you been doing? 
 
                                     BEBE
                         Hey guys.

                                     WENDY
                         Hey Bebe.

                                     BEBE
                         You guys uh,  notice anything different? 
                         
 
                                     WENDY
                          Oh my God, Bebe. You got boobs.

                                     BEBE
                         Yeah, they started coming in last week. 
                         At first I thought they were just mosquito 
                         bites, but, then they didn't go away.
 
                         
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                          M'kay kids, let's take our seats, m'kay? 
                          I know this has been a difficult couple 
                         o'weeks for you all with the untimely 
                         death of your teacher, but it's time 
                         for us to try to move on and learn, 
                         m'kay?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Mr. Mackey, I don't think I'm over the 
                         teacher's tragic death yet. I need more 
                         time. It's just... it still hurts, you 
                         know? Can I go home?
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         No. Eric, what we're gonna do is learn 
                         to hide our emotions with math problems. 
                          M'kay, so let's start with some multiplication 
                         tables over here, m'kay. First we'll 
                         do uh, four time four, m'kay?
 
                                     KYLE
                         Dude, look at Bebe.  Something seems 
                         different about her.
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah, I noticed that too. Did she get 
                         a haircut or something?
 
                                     KYLE
                         I don't know. 

                                     CLYDE
                         Hey Token. You know, I never noticed 
                         before, but that girl Bebe is... kinda 
                         cool.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         I was just thinking the same thing. 
                         It's like, she's a girl, but, she's 
                         someone you could hang out with.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Yeah. Bebe is kinda cool, huh? 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey Craig, is that the same shirt that 
                         that Bebe chick always wears?
 
                                     CRAIG
                         I don't know. Why?

                                     CARTMAN
                         It just... it just seems like a really 
                         awesome shirt.
 
                                     CRAIG
                         Yeah. It kinda does. 

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         Okay, and so uh,  so who can tell me 
                         the answer to the first problem, six 
                         times eight? Uh, Bebe?
 
                                     BEBE
                         :	 Oh, uh, forty-eight?

                                     ALL THE BOYS
                         Whoa.

                                     CLYDE
                         That is an awesome answer!

                                     ALL THE BOYS
                         Yeah!

                                     KYLE
                         Dude! Bebe is really smart!

                                     STAN
                         Yeah. I never noticed that before. Maybe 
                         she's actually cool enough to hang out 
                         with us.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, may be.

                                     WENDY
                         ...And I was like, "I'm not buying those 
                         shoes for twenty dollars." 
 
                                     STAN
                          Ah, hey, Bebe.

                                     BEBE
                         Yeah?

                                     STAN
                         Uh, we're gonna throw rocks at cars 
                         later on, and we thought maybe you'd 
                         like to join us.
 
                                     BEBE
                         Really?  I've never done that before.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                          Wuuhh, it's really fun.You toss these 
                         little rocks at cars, and if the driver 
                         gets angry, you blame me.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, it's cool.

                                     BEBE
                         Why sure, that sounds hellafun.

                                     THE BOYS
                         Hahahahahaha...

                                     KYLE
                         Yeah.

                                     STAN
                         Hellafun

                                     CARTMAN
                         Right, heh.

                                     CLYDE
                         Wow, hellafun. That's awesome.

                                     TOKEN
                         I'm gonna start saying that now.

                                     STAN
                         Cool.  We'll see you later, Bebe.

                                     WENDY
                          Stan, you've never asked me to throw 
                         rocks at cars with you guys.
 
                                     STAN
                         That's different, dude. You're like, 
                         my girlfriend. Bebe's just... I don't 
                         know. She's just cool. 
 
                                     KYLE
                          Yeah. She's really cool. 

                                     CLYDE
                         It's weird how we never noticed before. 
                         
 
               [A hill just outside of town. The boys and Bebe are gathered 
               at the summit]
 
                                     STAN
                         So what you do, see, is wait for a car 
                         to drive by that big pine tree. Then 
                         you chuck a rock at it. It's all about 
                         the timing. 
 
                                     DRIVER
                         You damn kids!

                                     BEBE
                         Cool.

                                     CLYDE
                         You try it, Bebe.

                                     BEBE
                         Okay.

                                     TOKEN
                         Here comes a sedan. 

                                     DRIVER
                         You damn kids!

                                     THE BOYS
                         Awesome!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Cool!  That was the most perfect throw 
                         I've ever seen.
 
                                     KYLE
                         That was sweet, Bebe.  Now, if you just 
                         hold the rock like this, you-
 
                                     CLYDE
                         Yeah.  Here, it's like if you put your 
                         thumb on this side-
 
                                     KYLE
                          I'm showing her.

                                     CLYDE
                          Yeah, just let me show her real quick 
                         how to put the thumb and-
 
                                     KYLE
                          Hoh!

                                     CLYDE
                          Hoh hoh hoh! 

                                     KYLE
                         Hoh!  Anyways, you put a spin on it 
                         by holding it here and-
 
                                     STAN
                          Yeah, and then you can actually hold 
                         it like this. Now-
 
                                     KYLE
                          Hoh! Hoh hoh hoh hoh! 

                                     STAN
                         Hoh hoh hoh!

                                     KYLE
                         Hah hah hah!

                                     CRAIG
                          Urh urh urh! 

                                     BEBE
                         Uh. Listen guys, un, It's five-thirty. 
                         I'm supposed to get home, so... I'll 
                         see you later. 
 
                                     STAN
                          ...Wait, what were we doing again?
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         We were throwing rocks at cars.

                                     THE BOYS
                         Oh yeah.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Woohoo.

                                     BUTTERS
                          Uh here comes an SUV. 

                                     DRIVER
                         You damn kids!

               [South Park Elementary, next day. The kids are in their seats. 
               Bebe is the last kid to enter class and find a seat]
 
                                     THE BOYS
                         Hi, Bebe.

                                     BEBE
                         Hey everybody.

                                     WENDY
                          Oh, for Christ's sake!

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                          M'kay. Kids, I asked you to write a 
                         paper to read aloud for the class. Now, 
                         who want to start?  M'kay, class.
 
                         
                                     CLYDE
                          My paper is called, "Why Bebe is the 
                         coolest person, ever."
 
                                     STAN
                         Hey, that's what I wrote about!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Me too!

                                     CLYDE
                          Hoh!

                                     STAN
                          Hah hah, hah!  Uuuuh-okay. Go ahead, 
                         Clyde.
 
                                     CLYDE
                          "My friend Bebe is really smart. She 
                         tells funny jokes and knows a lot about 
                         stuff. She's good at almost everything 
                         she tries. She's awesome. The end." 
                         
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay, very nice, Clyde. Uh, Token, 
                         why don't you read your paper?
 
                                     TOKEN
                          "If I could be Bebe."  "If I was Bebe 
                         I would have lots of friends because 
                         I would be sooo great. I would make 
                         people smile and think wherever I went."
 
                         
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                          M'kay, interesting, Token, Uh... Who 
                         would like to go next?  Uh how about 
                         someone who didn't write about how cool 
                         Bebe is?
 
                                     THE BOYS
                          Oh. 

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay, Bebe?

                                     BEBE
                          "My cat Thumper."

                                     THE BOYS
                         Wwooww.

                                     BEBE
                          "Thumper is gray with a white spot. 
                         Sometimes he likes to chase his tail. 
                         
 
                                     CLYDE
                         Chase his tail? That must be so funny?
 
                         
                                     BEBE
                         "Thumper is twelve years old. That's 
                         pretty old for a cat. The end."
 
                                     THE BOYS
                         Wwooww!

                                     CARTMAN
                         God, you know what, that's so true? 
                         Because, you sometimes never really 
                         think about how old a pet is until it's 
                         gone.
 
                                     CRAIG
                         That's true, huh? Man, that makes me 
                         really reflect on my pet.
 
                                     STAN
                         That's such a great paper! 

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay. Wendy, why don't we hear your 
                         paper?
 
                                     WENDY
                          "The new Cold War"

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh God! Here we go again! Dork alert! 
                         
 
               [South Park Elementary cafeteria. Wendy is talking to Red and 
               two other girls]
 
                                     WENDY
                         But, then the mall closes at four or 
                         five o'clock, so who knows w-
 
                                     CLYDE
                          Have any of you dumb girls seen Bebe 
                         anywhere?
 
                                     WENDY
                          No!

                                     KYLE
                         Maybe she's in the lunch line.

                                     THE BOYS
                         Yeah.

                                     WENDY
                         Can you believe Bebe? She thinks she's 
                         so cool all of a sudden.
 
                                     GIRL 1
                         I can't stand her anymore! She's such 
                         a slut!
 
                                     GIRL 2
                         She's a total slut!

                                     RED
                         You know what I heard? I heard that 
                         she made out with eight different boys 
                         in one minute.
 
                                     GIRL 1
                         I heard that she lifted her shirt to 
                         the boys at the bus stop.
 
                                     WENDY
                         I heard that her asshole is this big 
                         around. 
 
                                     GIRLS 1 AND 2
                         Wwooww.

                                     BEBE
                          Hey guys.

                                     WENDY
                         Oh, hey Bebe.  Slut.  Slut.

                                     GIRL 1
                          Slut.

                                     GIRL 2
                          Slut.

                                     GIRL 1
                          Slut.

                                     BEBE
                         ...You guys still wanna go ice-skating 
                         after school?
 
                                     WENDY
                         Oh, no, that's okay Bebe. You might 
                         trip and then we'd be sucked into your 
                         huge gaping vagina like ants into a 
                         vacuum cleaner.  Slut.  Slut.
 
                                     GIRL 1
                          Slut.

                                     GIRL 2
                          Slut.

                                     RED
                          Slut.

                                     WENDY
                         Slut.

                                     GIRL 1
                          Slut. 

                                     GIRLS
                          Whore. Slut. Slut.

               [Bebe's house, after school. She's looking out over the neighborhood 
               from her bedroom window. Her mother stops by her door and looks 
               in]
 
                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         Bebe, is something the matter?

                                     BEBE
                          Oh Mom, it's just... My girlfriends 
                         at school said some really mean things 
                         to me today.  They called me a slut, 
                         with a huge gaping vagina.
 
                                     BEBE'S MOM
                          Oh, sweetie. You're all just growing 
                         up.  Part of being a woman is having 
                         a friend one day and calling her a slut 
                         the next.
 
                                     BEBE
                         But am I slutty just because I'm beginning 
                         to be friends with guys? I mean, they 
                         just like me because they think I'm 
                         smart and cool.
 
                                     BEBE
                         I remember when I was a little girl 
                         the boys didn't think I was very smart 
                         at all. But then one day, they all started 
                         thinking I was really smart. I guess 
                         big smarts just run in our family.
 
                         
                                     BEBE
                         Well if the girls don't wanna be my 
                         friend, that's fine!  Guys are way cooler, 
                         anyways.
 
               [King Jimmy's Buffet, night. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman sit at a 
               booth eating hamburgers and some side dishes]
 
                                     TWEEK
                          You... guys wanted me to meet you here?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, have a seat, Tweek. We all need 
                         to have a talk
 
                                     TWEEK
                          Oh God.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Alright guys, now that we're all here, 
                         I think... we need to have a difficult 
                         conversation. It's obvious that Bebe 
                         is the like the coolest, smartest, most 
                         awesome person we've ever met.
 
                                     STAN, KYLE
                         True.

                                     STAN
                         Yeah.

                                     KYLE
                         Yep.

                                     CARTMAN
                         And, you know, we've been trying to 
                         fill the gap for the fourth friend ever 
                         since Kenny died, God rest his soul, 
                         and it hasn't been an easy process.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Right.

                                     STAN
                         Uh huh.

                                     CARTMAN
                         And so, even though I think it's a tough 
                         thing to do right now, I think maybe 
                         it's best for everyone if we make room 
                         to allow Bebe to be our new fourth friend.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah.

                                     STAN
                         That would be best.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, I'm glad you guys all agree. And 
                         so, Kyle, I just wanna say that it's 
                         been really great, and we're gonna miss 
                         you.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Huh??

                                     STAN
                         Kyle??

                                     CARTMAN
                         And even though it didn't quite work 
                         out, I'm sure you'll find other friends 
                         down the road, Kyle. Here's a nice watch 
                         for you, and some peanuts. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Me?? Dude, I've been here since the 
                         beginning!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         And we're really sad to see you go. 
                         Let's give a big round of applause for 
                         Kyle, everybody. Hip hip.
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, we're not kicking Kyle out!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Pleeeeease???

                                     STAN
                         No!

                                     CARTMAN
                          Alright, fine! Well then, I guess we 
                         have no choice but to let you go, Tweek. 
                         But we want you to know that its been 
                         really fun. Here's a watch, and some 
                         peanuts. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         No way! Tweek's cool!

                                     STAN
                         Yeah!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Well dumbasses, how are we gonna make 
                         room for Bebe!?
 
               [Bus stop, next day. The answer is shown. Bebe stands between 
               Kyle and Tweek, and Cartman is not present.]
 
                                     BEBE
                         Thanks for inviting me to ride the bus 
                         to school with you guys.
 
                                     STAN
                         Sure thing, Bebe.

                                     CARTMAN
                          That's fine! That's fine!! Fuck you, 
                         Kyle, and fuck you, Stan!  Fuck you, 
                         Tweek!  Bebe, you're still cool. 
 
                         
               [South Park Elementary, hallway. Some boys - Clyde, Butters, 
               Token, Craig, and Pip - are putting up a large poster that reads 
               "Bebe for President" next to the counselor's office. Wendy passes 
               by and stops to look]
 
                                     WENDY
                         What are you doing?!

                                     CLYDE
                         We're tryin' to get Bebe to run for 
                         class president.
 
                                     WENDY
                         I'm class president! The vote was last 
                         fall!
 
                                     CRAIG
                         Well, yeah, but Wendy, you have to admit, 
                         Bebe's a lot smarter and more organized 
                         than you.
 
                                     TOKEN
                          Yeah. We need a leader like Bebe. She 
                         can teach us all so much.
 
                                     THE OTHER BOYS
                         Uh huh.

                                     WENDY
                         She's not smarter and cooler than everyone, 
                         you guys are just drawn to something 
                         else! 
 
                                     CLYDE
                         What?

                                     WENDY
                         Ugh! God, you guys are sooo stupid! 
                         
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Stupider than Bebe!

                                     CLYDE
                         Yeah!

                                     CRAIG
                         Yeah!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh Bebe's cool, huh. Huh, fellas?
 
                         
                                     CLYDE
                         Yeah!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Yeah!

                                     CRAIG
                         Sure is!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Uhyep.

               [The neighborhood, after school. Stan, Kyle, and Tweek walk towards 
               Bebe's house]
 
                                     KYLE
                         I can't wait to watch Terrance & Phillip 
                         with Bebe.
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah.  Where are you guys going?

                                     BOY 1
                         We're going to see our friend Bebe.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Bebe is our friend. Didn't you all get 
                         the memo?
 
                                     BOY 2
                         Bebe is everybody's friend.

                                     KEVIN
                         Yeah. God put Bebe on earth to enrich 
                         everyone's lives.
 
                                     STAN
                          Hoh!

                                     KYLE
                          Hoh hoh hoh!

                                     KEVIN
                         Arf arf!

                                     BOY 2
                         Arf! 

                                     TIMMY
                         Arf! Ah Timmah! Timmah-ar-argh!

                                     STAN
                         Aw alright, I guess we can all watch 
                         Terrance & Phillip together. 
 
                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         Oh, hello, boys.

                                     STAN
                         Is Bebe home?

                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         No, she's with one of her little friends. 
                         But she should be back shortly if you 
                         boys wanna wait.
 
                                     BOY 1
                         Who is she with?

                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         I believe she is playing "Lambs" over 
                         at Eric Cartman's house.
 
                                     STAN
                         Cartman's?

               [Cartman's basement. He's at his hole again, and Bebe is sitting 
               next to him. He has his basket, lotion, and rubber poodle ready 
               to go]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          And this is Precious.

                                     BEBE
                         Precious?

                                     CARTMAN
                          Bark bark bark.  Okay, so then we put 
                         my mom's hand lotion in this little 
                         basket  and lower it down to Polly Prissy 
                         Pants. 
 
                                     BEBE
                          Uh huh. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Now you say, "It puts the lotion on 
                         its skin or else it gets the hose again."
 
                         
                                     BEBE
                         It puts the lotion on its skin or else 
                         it gets the hose again.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Heheh, yeah.

                                     POLLY PRISSY PANTS
                         Mister, please let me out of here.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Now say it again, louder.

                                     BEBE
                          It puts the lotion on its skin or else 
                         it gets the hose again.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Good. Now, now put the lotion back in 
                         the basket!
 
                                     POLLY PRISSY PANTS
                         My parents have money, Mister. They'll 
                         give you whatever you want. Please!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Now, just yell "Put the lotion in the 
                         fucking basket!"
 
                                     BEBE
                         Put the lotion in the basket!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Put the lotion in the fucking basket! 
                          Oh no! Precious!  I've got your dog, 
                         Mister. Let me out or I'm gonna kill 
                         it!  Now you say, "Don't you hurt my 
                         fuckin' dog!"
 
                                     BEBE
                         Don't you hurt my fucking dog!

                                     CARTMAN
                         You bitch, I'll cut your throat if- 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         What the hell are you doing?

                                     CARTMAN
                         We're playing "Lambs."

                                     KYLE
                          Bebe, I thought we were going to watch 
                         Terrance & Phillip today.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Then we gotta work on your campaign.
 
                         
                                     BOY 2
                          Right, but first we gotta go to the-
 
                         
                                     STAN
                          Hoh! 

                                     BEBE
                         You guys, calm down!

               [Token tackles Boy 1, Craig attacks Butters, Cartman punches 
               Boy 2, Kyle attacks Kevin, Pip beats on Tweek, Boy 1 chases after 
               Token, Boy 2 tosses Cartman over his head. Stan goes after Pip, 
               but Pip attacks first. Clyde goes after Tweek and sends him flying 
               across the basement. Token brings out a SuperBESTFriends lunchbox 
               and throws it at Clyde. Clyde jumps out of the way and the lunchbox 
               hits Timmy]
 
                                     TIMMY
                         Timmih!

               [Clyde attacks Token, but Token punches him away, then jumps 
               on him. Timmy runs over both of them. Token jumps up and goes 
               after Boy 1 again. Pip and Tweek fight again, and Stan comes 
               flying in, taking Pip]
 
                                     BEBE
                         This is insane!

               [Cartman picks Tweek up and throws him off. Boy 2 comes flying 
               at Bebe, back first. Bebe steps aside, and Boy 2 strikes the 
               wall]
 
                                     BEBE
                         Stop it you guys, please!

               [The map behind Bebe falls to the floor. Stan gets up, and Pip 
               flies at him. Cartman and Boy 1 fight again. Kyle swings in from 
               above on a hanging overhead light, landing on Cartman's back 
               as Cartman fight Tweek. Tweek drops away, and Cartman has to 
               wrestle Kyle. Boy 1 throws Token into a fossil display case, 
               and a femur falls out. Stan walks up and looks at Token, then 
               sees the femur. He picks it up and sees victory at hand. He starts 
               beating everyone with the bone. He hits Clyde twice with it, 
               and Clyde goes down. He then knocks out Kevin, then Cartman, 
               then Kyle, then goes after the other boys]
 
                                     BEBE
                         Oh boy, I never meant to cause all this 
                         trouble.
 
                                     STAN
                          Hoh, hoh, hohhh! Hohhh! 

               [Bebe's house, day. She's at her window again, looking at the 
               neighborhood. The boys are all over her front lawn milling around]
 
               
                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         Bebe, those boys from your school are 
                         still waiting outside to see if you'll 
                         come out.
 
                                     BEBE
                         I know. They've been there all day. 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         Hoh, hoh hoh hoh!

                                     CRAIG
                         Hah hah hahah hah! 

                                     STAN
                         Hoh hoh hoh!  Hohohoh hoh!

                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         Looks like my little girl has a lot 
                         of gentlemen callers.
 
                                     BEBE
                         Mom, why is everyone acting so different 
                         around me?
 
                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         Sweetie, you're just blossoming into 
                         a woman.
 
                                     BEBE
                         But, I, I don't know if I want to. Sometimes 
                         I think I'm not as smart and cool as 
                         they say, that everyone just tells me 
                         I am because of my hooters.
 
                                     BEBE'S MOM
                         Sweetie, you're a Stevens. And Stevens 
                         women are always told they're really, 
                         really smart. 
 
                                     BEBE
                         Mom?  What's six times eight?

                                     MRS. STEVENS
                         Oho, sweetie, those are two completely 
                         different numbers.  Alright boys, time 
                         to be getting home. Bebe's not feeling 
                         well and she she can't come out today. 
                         Go one, shoo. 
 
                                     STAN
                         Hoh. Hoh?

                                     ASTRONAUT 1
                         Aah. We made it.

                                     ASTRONAUT 2
                         Boys, can you call 9-1-1 for us? 

                                     ASTRONAUT 1
                         Oh my God. We've landed on Earth thousands 
                         of years in the future and apes have 
                         taken over!
 
                                     ASTRONAUT 2
                         I knew it! You blew it up, didn't you?!
 
                         
                                     ASTRONAUT 1
                         I don't want to live in this futuristic 
                         madness! 
 
                                     ASTRONAUT 2
                         Take your ape rule and go to hell! 
 
                         
                                     BEBE
                          Having boobs sucks.

               [Hell's Pass Hospital, later. A man walks in and goes to his 
               desk]
 
                                     A DOCTOR
                         Well hello there, little girl. My name 
                         is Dr. Hallis. What can I do for you 
                         today? 
 
                                     BEBE
                         I wanna have breast-reduction surgery. 
                         
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         You?

                                     BEBE
                         Yes. I have two hundred and twelve dollars 
                         in nickels and a gold bracelet.
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Well, young lady, I'm afraid that we 
                         don't offer breast reduction surgery 
                         to girls of your age.
 
                                     BEBE
                         Why not? Britney Spears got fake ones 
                         when she was a teenager. Why can't I 
                         have mine taken off?
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Because making breasts larger is a beautiful 
                         and wonderful thing. Making them smaller 
                         is... insane.
 
                                     BEBE
                         I think it's insane to want them bigger.
 
                         
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Why do you... hate your breasts so?
 
                         
                                     BEBE
                         Ever since I got these stupid things 
                         everyone treats me differently. I feel 
                         like I might be treated differently 
                         the rest of my life.
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Oh, come on now, that's just silly.
 
                         
                                     BLONDE NURSE
                          Here's the Anderson file, Doctor.
 
                         
                                     DR. HALLIS
                          Oh, awesome. Thank you so much, Jillian. 
                         That's great. Oh, God-damn. Thanks you 
                         so much. 
 
                                     BRUNETTE NURSE
                          And here's the coffee you wanted, doctor.
 
                         
                                     DR. HALLIS
                          Yeah, whatever. Get out of here.  Now, 
                         I was saying?
 
                                     BEBE
                         Please, you have to help me. I think 
                         that if my breasts keep growing this 
                         way, boys will give me whatever I want.
 
                         
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Yeah, so? That's great, isn't it?

                                     BEBE
                         No it's not, because if I grow up getting 
                         everything I want, having things made 
                         easy for me because I have hot knockers, 
                         then I'm gonna grow up to be a lame 
                         person. If I'm handed everything in 
                         life, then my chances of becoming a 
                         lawyer or a marine biologist are zero.
 
                         
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         That may be true, but I'm afraid I just 
                         cannot ethically perform a breast-reduction 
                         surgery on an eight-year-old girl.
 
                         
                                     BEBE
                         Damnit!

                                     DR. HALLIS
                         If, on the other hand, you'd like to 
                         make them a little bigger, I think now 
                         might be the right time to size up, 
                         hm?
 
                                     BEBE
                         Oh, fuck off! 

               [Stan's house, day. In the dining room Randy reads the paper. 
               Sharon enters.]
 
                                     SHARON
                         Randy, could you have a talk with Stanley?
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         Why? What's the matter with him?

                                     SHARON
                         It's just that, well, he's been acting 
                         a little different lately. 
 
                                     STAN
                          Aaaa-ta.  Aaaa-ta.

                                     SHARON
                         He's been ignoring his homework, and, 
                         all of his friends. I can't figure out 
                         why.
 
                                     STAN
                          Aaaa-ta. Aaaa-ta.

                                     RANDY
                         Ohhh boy. Looks like he's starting to 
                         notice breasts.
 
                                     SHARON
                          Oh yes. Our little Stanley is starting 
                         to become a man. 
 
                                     STAN
                          Ahta. Ah, ahta!

                                     RANDY
                         Hey there, son.

                                     STAN
                          Hoh? Ahta.  Ahta.

                                     RANDY
                         Yes, ahta. Let's have a talk, Stan.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Ahah

                                     RANDY
                         Stan, as you get older, boobs - bu-these 
                         "ahta" will start becoming a major part 
                         of your life.
 
                                     STAN
                         Ahta? 

                                     RANDY
                         But Stanley, you can't let them get 
                         in the way of your friends. There are 
                         a lot of boobs out there, son. But they're 
                         just boobs; your friends... are forever.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                          Friend. Ahta.

                                     RANDY
                         I know you think this set of boobs is 
                         important now, but those boobs will 
                         be replaced by another set of boobs. 
                         Boobs will come and go, and then, someday, 
                          you'll meet a pair of boobs that you 
                         want to marry. And those become the 
                         boobs that matter the most.
 
                                     SHARON
                          I love you.

                                     RANDY
                         If you can just understand that, Stanley, 
                         you'll see that boobs hold no real power 
                         at all.
 
               [Bebe's house, night. The house is dark, so she's asleep. The 
               camera zooms in on her, and her breasts start to blink under 
               her gown]
 
                                     RIGHT BREAST
                         The boys are at war. All is going as 
                         planned.
 
                                     LEFT BREAST
                         Yes. Soon all the boys will be brought 
                         to their knees.
 
                                     RIGHT BREAST
                         We grow larger every day.

                                     LEFT BREAST
                         And stronger.

                                     RIGHT BREAST
                         Soon the entire tow- 

                                     LEFT BREAST
                         Sh! Sh! She's awake!

                                     RIGHT BREAST
                         Ah, quiet.

                                     BEBE
                          MOM!! MOM!!

                                     MRS. STEVENS
                          What is it, Bebe?

                                     BEBE
                          My breasts!

                                     MRS. STEVENS
                          Oh, sweetheart, you're just becoming 
                         a young lady.
 
                                     BEBE
                         No, they're conspiring! Mom, they were 
                         talking! They wanna destroy the town!
 
                         
                                     MRS. STEVENS
                          Yes, darling, your breasts have a power 
                         that will unleash itself as you get 
                         older. They feed off the misery of boys 
                         and grow to bring woe wherever they 
                         can. You're blossoming into a woman. 
                         
 
                                     BEBE
                         That does it! I'm NOT letting these 
                         things run my life!
 
               [Hell's Pass Hospital, day. Dr. Hallis walks in with a file and 
               quickly addresses his prospective client]
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Young lady, are you absolutely sure 
                         you want to consider this kind of procedure 
                         for your breasts?
 
                                     WENDY
                         Yes! I want to get breast implants!
 
                         
                                     MRS. TESTABURGER
                         I tried to tell her she was too young.
 
                         
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Well, it is a different time, Mrs. Testaburger. 
                         Society puts a lot of pressure on your 
                         daughter to look her best. Having small 
                         breasts can make her feel unimportant.
 
                         
                                     MRS. TESTABURGER
                          But she's eight!

                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Yes, well, not too young to feel flat 
                         and therefore, not pretty.
 
                                     WENDY
                         That's what I said.

                                     DR. HALLIS
                         However, young lady, I'm afraid breast 
                         implants are not for everyone.  I'll 
                         need to carefully assess your physical 
                         and mental condition to see if augmentation 
                         is truly the best way for you to go.
 
                         
                                     WENDY
                         I have three thousand dollars, cash. 
                         
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                          You pass. Let's do this thing.

                                     MRS. TESTABURGER
                          Oh, wait. You're gonna do it right 
                         now?
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Suuure. Breast augmentation is now a 
                         very simple procedure.  What we do is 
                         make a small incision in the armpit 
                         where it won't be seen. Then we take 
                         this little plastic bag and gently place 
                         it in the chest where we fill it with 
                         salt water.
 
                                     MRS. TESTABURGER
                         I still don't know about this.

                                     DR. HALLIS
                         Look. Us plastic surgeons have one philosophy. 
                         If we can help someone's self-esteem 
                         a little, then why not do it if they 
                         have to be a thousand dollars?
 
               [Operating room, moments later. Wendy is hooked up and sedated. 
               The first incision is made to the left armpit and the flesh pulled 
               back hard. The nurse hands the doctor the first implant, which 
               he shoves in Wendy's chest]
 
                                     DR. HALLIS
                          Cha!  Gotta!  Jam it!  Up there!  Get! 
                          In!  There!  You!  Bitch!  Get!  In! 
                          There!  You!  Bitch!  Hah!  Okay, there's 
                         one, Wendy. Doing great.
 
               [South Park Elementary, day. Mr. Mackey is back teaching the 
               class. The kids are at their seats]
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay. Kids, we need to talk about your 
                         failing grades.
 
                                     CLYDE
                          Bebe! Where Bebe?! Bebe! Bebe! 

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay, we all need to start studying 
                         more and fighting less, m'kay? 
 
                                     A BOY
                         Bebe! 

                                     STAN
                         Ahta! 

                                     BEBE
                         Hey guys. 

                                     CRAIG
                         Have you guys noticed that Bebe isn't 
                         as cool as she used to be? 
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Yeah. What the hell happened to us?
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Oh my God. I get it now. It was Bebe's 
                         boobs.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Bebe's boobs?

                                     BEBE
                         Oh cool! It worked!

                                     STAN
                         Don't you guys see? Boobs... do something 
                         to our brains. They fill our brains 
                         with illusions.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Sssss-so ...Bebe ...didn't become smart 
                         and cool? It was just her boobs?
 
                                     BEBE
                         Yes!

                                     CARTMAN
                         So, Bebe is actually just as lame as 
                         she ever was?
 
                                     BEBE
                         Right. My boobs just clouded your judgment.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         But that sucks. I don't want something 
                         to have that much power over me.
 
                                     STAN
                         I don't think it will, you guys, as 
                         long as we realize it. We must learn 
                         to control their power over us.
 
                                     CLYDE
                         Yeah. Screw boobs! They're stupid!
 
                         
                                     CRAIG
                         I'm sorry for fighting, you guys. 
 
                         
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                          Aw, that's so sweet, m'kay?

                                     CLYDE
                         Let's never let boobs come between us 
                         again!
 
                                     THE BOYS
                         Hear Hear!

                                     KYLE
                         Boobs are stupid!

                                     WENDY
                          Hi, everybody. 

                                     CLYDE
                         Look at those ridiculous things!

                                     BUTTERS
                          Oooo, they're all hard and oogey!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         What a stupid bitch! 

               THE END

Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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