"CARTMAN GETS AN ANAL PROBE"
Matt Stone & Trey Parker
EXT. SCHOOL BUS STOP - MORNING
STAN, KYLE AND KENNY wait in the snow for their school bus,
holding their lunch boxes and debating.
School days school days, teacher's
Kyle's little brother, IKE, bounces into frame.
-Ah damn it, my little brother's
trying to follow me to school again.
IKE tries to talk.
Ike, you can't come to school with
BaBa Simi ba baa.
Yeah, go home you little dildo.
Dude! Don't call my brother a dildo.
What's a dildo?
I don't know... and I'll bet Cartman
doesn't know either!
I know what it means!
...I'm not telling you.
What's a dildo, Kenny?
Kenny talks, but we can't understand him through his thick
Mph rmph phrmph m phrmph mmr.
The boys all laugh.
HA YEAH! THAT'S WHAT KYLE'S LITTLE
BROTHER IS ALRIGHT!!
Suddenly, Kyle grabs Ike by the feet, swings him around, and
bashes Cartman in the face.
Dude that kicks ass!
Yeah! Check this one out!
Ready Ike? Kick the baby
Don't kick the baby.
Kick the baby.
Kyle kicks his brother down the icy road.
Ike shoots down the road with a playful scream, and crashes
head first into a group of mail boxes.
Cartman yawns grotesquely.
Whoa, Cartman, looks like you didn't
get much sleep last night.
That's 'cause I was having these
Really, what about?
Well, I dreamt that I was lying in
my bed... In the dark...
INT. CARTMAN'S BEDROOM - DREAM SEQUENCE
Cartman is lying in his bed.
...When all of a sudden this bright
blue light filled the room.
A bright light fills the room.
And slowly my bedroom door began to
open... And then the next thing I
remember, I was being drug through a
INT. ALIEN SHIP - DREAM SEQUENCE
Cartman is being dragged by his ankles down a dark, organic
corridor like the one seen in 'Fire In The Sky'.
Then I was lying on a table, and
these scary aliens wanted to operate
on me! And they had big heads...
And big black eyes-
EXT. BUSSTOP - (REALITY)
The boys are listening to Cartman's story with wide eyes and
open mouths. Even little Ike is enthralled.
That wasn't a dream, Cartman, those
No, it was just a dream. My mom said
Visitors are real!
Yeah, they abduct people and they
Ah shut up, you guys, you're just
trying to make me scared, and it's
A large Chevy screeches to a halt. CHEF gets out of the car
and approaches the kids.
Hello there, children.
What's gonna be for lunch today,
Well, today it's Salisbury steak
with buttered noodles and a choice
of green bean casserole or vegetable
Say, did any of you children see the
alien spaceship last night?
Yeah, fat boy saw it!
No! Th-That was just a dream! And
I'm NOT fat, I'm big-boned.
Oh, was it the ones with the big
long heads and the black eyes?
They took him on their ship!
Ooh... Did they give you an anal
What's an anal probe?
That's when they put this big metal
hoop-a-joo up your butt.
Woa! They gave you an anal probe,
No! I mean... Uh... Why would they
Dude, they DID huh? Aliens stuck
stuff up your ass!
SHUT UP, DILDO!
Well, I gotta get to the cafeteria.
You children watch that fat boy now,
he could be under alien control.
Chef turns to get back in his car and Cartman notices that
the back of Chef's shirt has an EXACT image of the alien he
saw, and the word 'Believe'.
CHEF peels off.
We told you they were real Cartman.
Sorry to hear about your ass.
God Dammit, they didn't do anything
to my ass! It was just a dream!
The school bus pulls up and the boys start getting on.
Why are you walking so funny, Cartman?
Little Ike tries to follow his brother onto the bus.
I'll bla bblaa blaa
No, Ike! Go home!
Kyle gets ready to kick his brother.
Bla Wa Wah
This is it!! This one's for the game.
Bllaa aaahh haah
Kick the baby.
Kyle kicks his brother through the school bus window, and
Ike flies into a snowbank.
The boys quickly get on the bus. Ike pulls his head out of
the snow and looks around for his brother.
INT. SCHOOL BUS - MORNING
The kids walk past their mean old bus driver, MS. CRABTREE.
Good morning, Ms. Crabtree.
Sit down! We're running late!
Stan and Kyle walk to the back of the bus and take their
seats. Cartman and Kenny sit up a few rows. Kyle looks out
the back window to see Ike still standing at the bus stop.
Dammit, he's still there!
Oh, don't worry about him.
No, dude, if something happens to
him my parents are gonna blame me!
SIT DOWN BACK THERE!! AAHHHH!!!
Yeah, whatever you fat bitch.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
I said I have a bad itch.
Stan and Kyle sit down and the school bus moves on. Kyle
turns around one last time to look at his brother.
OH MY GOD!!!!
EXT. BUSSTOP - DAY
A group of VISITORS, with large heads and almond shaped eyes,
INT. - BUS
KYLE AND STAN
Scared, Kenny pulls his hood shut.
Mph mprmhpm bmarmphs!
EXT. BUSSTOP - DAY
The visitors lead Ike to a large space craft hidden in the
STOP THE BUS!
Kyle runs to the front of the bus.
Ms. Crabtree, you have to stop this
Do you want an office referral?!
Then sit down!
MS. CRABTREE & KYLE
Kyle runs to the back of the bus and hopelessly looks out
the back window again just in time to see the spaceship take
Cartman, are those the same Visitors
Cartman isn't looking. He still thinks this is all a big
Shut up, you guys, it's not working.
We have to do something!
Well, we can't do anything for now.
That fat bitch won't let us.
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
I-I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
Well, yes, they certainly do.
Ms. Crabtree turns the schoolbus violently and the children
go flying everywhere screaming.
What am I going to do? My little
brotherís been abducted by aliens.
The kids laugh.
Somebody's baking brownies.
We see the alien space ship leave the planet.
EXT. CATTLE RANCH - DAY
That's the third cow this month, at
this rate all my cattle are gonna
die before the Winter's through.
The cows look up with concern.
This is nothing out of the unusual.
Cows turn themselves inside out all
The cows shake their heads.
People been sayin' they've been seeing
UFO's?? Ha Ha.
Yea, and black army CIA helicopters
That is the silliest thing I've ever
Just then black army helicopters fly by.
What was that?
That, that was a pigeon.
What am I supposed to do Barbrady?
Just stand here and watch my cattle
get mutilated one by one?
We see the aliens with grass in their hands whistling to the
Hey, my cattle!! You see there is
something funny going on.
There's nothing funny going on. I'll
get those cows back.
INT. CLASSROOM - SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY
And now children, our friend Mr. Hat
is going to tell us about Christopher
Mr. Garrison has a ridiculous little puppet on his right
hand that wears a striped hat.
That's right Mr. Garrison.
Christopher Columbus discovered
America, and was the Indians best
friend. He helped the Indians win
their war against Frederick Douglas,
and, and freed the Hebrews from
Napoleon, and discovered France.
Oh man, I can't just sit here! I
have to help my stupid brother or
I'll come home without him and my
dad will start yelling - "Where's
your brother, Kyle!" "You weren't
looking out for your little brother
Okay, okay, let's ditch school and
go find him-
"You know he can't think on his own,
Kyle. Brush and Floss, Kyle!" "Where
has that finger been, Kyle?!"
Is there a problem, boys?
Yes, Mr. Garrison, I have to go now.
Oh really, Kyle? What is it this
time? Another prostate tumor?
No, my little brother has been
abducted by aliens.
Mr. Garrison stares blankly at Kyle.
It's true! Ask Cartman, they gave
him an anal probe!
Cartman looks around at the other children, extremely
embarrassed, and finally forces a little laugh as if to say
it's all a little joke.
Uhh.. Huh, huh... That's a little
Kyle steps to the front of class.
Mr. Garrison, seriously, I HAVE to
go! Can I PLEASE be excused from
I don't know, Kyle. Did you ask Mr.
Kyle looks down at the stupid puppet on Garrison's hand.
I don't want to ask Mr. Hat, I'm
Oh, I think you should ask Mr. Hat.
Mr. Hat, may I please be excused
Mr. Garrison shoves his puppeted hand violently in Kyle's
face, and changes his voice.
Well Kyle, NO! You hear me? You go
to hell, you go to hell and you die!
Hmm, guess you'll have to take your
Ha, ha! Mr. Hat yelled at you!
Just then, Cartman farts a HUGE fireball.
AAAGHH!! Ow, my ass!
He farts another fire ball.
OW! OWWW MY ASS!!
Dude, he's farting fire!
(pointing to Cartman)
It's the alien anal probe! It's
shooting fire from Cartman's rectum!!
No, that was just a dream!
Cartman farts another flame.
Eric, do you need to sit in the corner
until your flaming gas is under
No, Mr. Garrison. I'm fine.
Cartman farts a HUG fireball which burns PIP, a little english
The class watches as their classmate runs out in flames.
EXT. TRAIN CROSSING - DAY
A train is passing by and the cows are standing in line trying
to get on.
Hey, you cows can't get on this train,
this is a people train. You cows
have no business on a people train,
alright, 'cause you're cows.
The cows stare at the engineer.
No, no no, don't try any of that cow
hypnosis on me alright, 'cause it's
not going to work!!!
Just then, Officer Barbrady drives up with his sirens on.
Hold it right there cows.
Cows start to stampede away from Barbrady.
Come back here!
INT. SCHOOL CAFETERIA - DAY
The kids are all in line for lunch. Cartman farts a huge
OOOOWWWW!!! Ooh, I sure am hungry.
How can you eat when you're farting
Shut up, dude. You're being totally
Hey look! There's Wendy Testaburger!
Adorable little WENDY TESTABURGER steps into the lunch line.
ZOOM in on Stan who is absolutely in love. Little Hearts
form all around his head - and Tchaikovsky's 'Romeo and
Juliet' swells up.
The other boys see Stan's reaction and laugh.
Stan wan-ts to ki-ss Wen-dy
Shut up Fat Ass! I don't even like
I'm not fat - And you obviously like
her, because you throw up every time
she talks to you!
I do not!
Wendy walks up to the boys.
KYLE AND CARTMAN
Here Stan, this is for you.
Wendy hands Stan a note. Stan VOMITS VIOLENTLY all over
KYLE AND CARTMAN
Wendy walks away.
Dude, what does the note say?!
Stan opens the note and reads it.
Holy crap! It says she wants to
meet ME at Starks Pond after school.
Whoa, maybe you can kiss her.
Or slip her the tongue.
Mmmph mrrr mff Mrmmph
What? How do you know she has a cat?
After a painfully long pause, the boys all laugh.
I get it.
C'mon you guys, we need to figure
out how to get out of school so we
can get my little brother back!
The boys make it to the front of the line, where Chef is
handing lunch trays to the boys and girls.
Hello there children.
How are you doing?
Chef, have you ever had something
happen to you... But nobody believed
Aw, children, children, that's a
problem we've ALL had to face at
some time or another. Here, let me
sing you a little song... It might
clear things up.
Music swells up.
I'm gonna make love to you woman,
gonna lay you down by the fire - And
caress your womanly body, make you
moan and perspire,
Ah Chef, Chef.
Gonna get those juices flowin'
We're making love gravy, love gravy,
Love, love, love.... GRAVY!!!-
The music stops.
Huh, do you feel better?
Oh, come on children, what can be so
bad? It's Salisbury steak day!
Visitors took Kyle's baby brother.
Chef runs around the counter and kneels down by the kids.
Well what the hell are you doing in
school, eating Salisbury steak?! Go
find him, dammit!
Mr. Garrison won't let us out of
school. He thinks we're making it
You ARE making it up!
Just then, Cartman farts another fireball. But this time, a
long, metal object emerges from his ass. It opens like a
robotic eye and looks around.
The eye looks around, blinks, then closes itself and zips
back into Cartman's ass.
That was cool!
Chef spins Cartman around and looks at his ass.
It's some kind of sembiodic
metamorphosis device. This could
mean the visitors want to communicate
Oh, I see, now YOU'RE going to join
in on the little joke, huh?
It's no joke children, this is big!
Please Chef, if I don't get out of
school and get my little brother
back from the aliens, my parents are
gonna disown me.
Chef thinks for a second.
Ah, hold on now... You got to help
You guys sure are going a long way
to try to scare me. I WANT MY
Chef pulls the fire alarm.
Fire Drill!!! Fire Drill, everybody
out. Okay children, this is your
The boys all take off.
Killer, thanks Chef.
Man oh man, first contact with the
alien visitors. I've got to get myself
EXT. LITTLE TOWN - SOUTH PARK
Kids are singing.
We got out of school... No more school
today... We got out of school.
Cartman farts a fire ball.
OHHHH - YOU GUYS, MY ASS!! SERIOUSLY.
Okay, Cartman, you can stop farting
I would if I could you son of a bitch!
Okay, so how do we get my little
Would you stop going on about your
little brother?! I KNOW it was just
a dream! I KNOW I didn't have an
anal probe! And I KNOW that I'm not
under alien control!!!
Suddenly, there is a loud BZAP!!! Cartman's expression
His eyes widen - and his mouth curls into a false smile.
Strange 30's music starts to play from nowhere and Cartman
starts to sing (although his voice isn't his own)
I love to sing-a! About the moon-a
and the Juna and the spring-a! I
love to sing-a!
Stan and Kyle look on, perplexed.
About a sky of blue or a tea for
Just as suddenly as it started, the music stops and Cartman
goes back to his normal self. The boys all stare at each
other. Cartman looks absolutely baffled.
What the hell was that?!
He is under alien control. That thing
in his butt is linked up to the
Oh, son of a bitch.
ACT III FADE OUT
You guys shut up, I'm not under alien
Kyle walks up to Cartman's ear and starts screaming in it.
HEY!! IF YOU VISITORS CAN HEAR ME --
BRING ME BACK MY LITTLE BROTHER GOD
Ow! That hurts, you butt licker!
Suddenly, a small alien scout ship flies by.
KYLE, LOOK! It's them!
Kyle picks a rock up off the ground.
GIVE ME BACK MY BROTHER!
Kyle throws the rock at the UFO. DING! The UFO stops and
fires a yellow ray at the boys.
The ray hits Kenny, and blows him back several yards. Kenny
lands with a horrible bone breaking CRUNCH!
Oh my God!! They killed Kenny!
YOU BASTARDS!! COME BACK HERE!! COME
But the little UFO's disappear into the sky.
DAMMIT! We were so close!
Hey, look - I think Kenny's okay!
Kenny manages to pick himself up off the ground. He looks
pretty bad, but he might be-
Just then the cows come stampeding through and run over Kenny.
Mff mrrr mph VWOOM!!
Officer Barbrady's car races through frame and runs over
Kenny. The boys walk over to Kenny's bleeding body.
Wow, poor Kenny.
Now do you believe us Cartman?
Cartman, they KILLED Kenny!
He's not dead.
Dude, Kenny is dead! See?!
Shut up, you guys.
(Pulling Kenny's head
He's DEAD, Cartman.
GOD DAMMIT I DIDN'T HAVE AN ANAL
There is a long pause.
Screw you guys, I'm going home!
Cartman walks away.
Go on and go home you Fat Chicken!
You're all I have left, Stan.
Sorry dude, I gotta go meet Wendy
You can't! Poor Ike must be so
scared... Up there all alone... You
gotta help me dude!
Dude, like Chef says, I gotta get a
piece of loving while the gettin's
Stan walks away.
Rats come into frame and feast on Kenny's dead body.
INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - DUSK
Cartman walks into his house and is greeted by his overly
How are you doing?
Well, I'm pissed off.
Here, I made you powder doughnut
I don't want powder doughnut pancake
surprise! All the kids at school
call me fat!
You're not fat, you're big boned.
That's what I said.
You can have an eency weency bit
Just a weency eency woo woo.
NO leave me alone mom!
How about a nice chocolate chicken
What? Well that does sound pretty
Cartman sits down at the couch and turns on the T.V.
If anybody calls or comes over - I'm
not here, okay?
Sure, hon. You want some Cheesy Poofs
Yea I want Cheesy Poofs!
EXT. STARK'S POND - AFTERNOON
Stan and Kyle are standing at Stark's pond.
Well, looks like she's not gonna
show up, Stan. Let's go look for the
But her note said she'd be here!
Wendy appears from frame left. Stan immediately vomits all
You can't talk to Stan, Wendy, he
throws up when you do.
But why Stan?
Stan vomits some more.
Look, could you guys just get down
to business so we can go find my
Just make sweet love down by the
What happened to your little brother?
INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - LATE AFTERNOON
Cartman is still busy eating and watching T.V.
ANGLE - TELEVISION
A TV REPORTER stands out in a random wheat field.
As the reports of UFO sightings
increase, more mysterious crop-circle
patterns are appearing in fields all
around South Park. These crop circles,
when viewed from above, form strange
ZOOM OUT to show a huge crop-circle that looks EXACTLY like
RESUME - CARTMAN ON COUCH
Hey, that kinda looks like... Tom
TV REPORTER (O.S.)
Could it be that aliens are trying
to make contact with us here on Earth?
Just then, Cartman's cute little kitty, KITTY, walks up and
looks at him innocently. The kitty MEOWs.
No Kitty... This is MY pot-pie.
The cat meows again.
No kitty! Bad Kitty!! No Kitty,
this is MY pot pie!!! MOMM!!! Kitty's
being a dildo!!
Cartman's mother appears from the kitchen.
Well then I know a certain kitty
kitty who's sleeping with mommy
EXT. STARK'S POND - AFTERNOON
Kyle is finishing his story to Wendy.
...And now I have to go home without
him and my parents are going to have
Well, why don't you go get the fat
Well if the fat kid has something
implanted in his ass, maybe the
visitors are using him as part of
their plan. You should use the fat
kid as bait to bring them back.
Hey, you're right Wendy! C'mon Stan,
We have to go get Cartman!
Hey wait, when do I get to make sweet
INT. CARTMAN'S HOUSE - AFTERNOON
No Kitty!! You can't have any!!
The cat puts its paw up and meows cutely.
NO KITTY! THIS IS MY POT-PIE! BAD
Cartman farts a fireball onto his cat. The cat runs away, on
fire, making horrible sounds.
Oh, excuse me, kitty.
Cartman's mother opens the door to reveal Stan, Kyle and
Eric, look who's here!
Dude, WEAK mom!
Come on, Eric, we're going to go
play at the bus stop.
Can't- My mom says-
That's okay, Eric. I think you need
to spend time with your little
But mom, I don't want to spend time
with my little friends.
Don't be difficult, Eric. Now you go
out and play in the fun snow.
The burning kitty races through frame.
EXT. REMOTE LOCATION BY A TREE - NIGHT
Stan ties a rope to Cartman's ankle. Kyle ties the other end
to a nearby tree.
You guys, I have to get home.
Don't be such a fraidy cat, Cartman!
This rope will make sure they can't
take you on board again.
Wendy, Stan and Kyle walk over to some bushes and crouch
down, leaving Cartman all alone in the darkness.
Cartman stares up nervously at the starry, ominous sky.
Oh man, this sucks.
How come the visitors aren't coming
I think we need to signal the them
Cartman farts and a flame lights up the surroundings.
Hey, he's like rudolph!
Yeah all you have to do is fart some
more, Cartman, and the visitors are
sure to come.
Really? Uhh.. I don't think I have
to fart anymore tonight.
Sure you do!
Come on, Cartman! Fart!
I don't wanna...
He can't hold it in forever.
Fart Damn you!
Okay!! That does it!!! Now listen!
Why is it that everything today has
involved things either going in or
coming out of MY ASS?! I'm sick of
it! It's completely immature!!!
Suddenly, the metal rod emerges once again from Cartman's
Hey! It's happening again!
This time, the rod looks around, then expands, and expands,
folds over onto itself and expands again, until finally an
eighty foot satellite dish is sticking out of Cartman's ass.
Woa! Look at that!
Now do you believe us Cartman?!
Cartman glances quickly at the dish.
You guys can't scare me! I know you're
making it all up!
Cartman! There's an eighty-foot
satellite dish sticking out of your
Sure you guys, whatever.
The dish powers up with a low hum and a huge yellow beam of
light shoots out from it like a searchlight.
EXT. OUTER SPACE
The beam of light emulates from Earth and shoots outwards
EXT. CHEF'S BACK YARD
Chef is dressed in party clothes and sunglasses. He is sitting
in a lounge chair out on his front lawn. He has a little
sign that reads 'Welcome Visitors!' Chef notices the big
Oh, boy! The aliens are going to
make first contact!
Chef swigs a beer.
Hey, down here! We are ready for
(Checking his watch)
And you only got twenty minutes before
Sanford and Son is on!
RESUME - FIELD
YOU GUYS! I AM SERIOUSLY GETTING
PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW! I KNOW THERE'S
NO SUCH THING AS ALIENS!!
Just then, a HUGE alien mother ship drops down from the sky
directly above Cartman. It is quickly followed by several
OH, GOD DAMMIT!!
Mr. Garrison is driving by and stops when he sees all the
What the? I tell you, there is some
crazy stuff going on in this town.
Mr. Hat pops up.
You can say that again, Mr. Garrison.
Come down here you stinkin' aliens!
Five aliens beam down, and instantly appear in front of Stan,
Kyle, and Wendy. The kids are really scared.
Go on, Kyle, ask them for your little
V-Visitors... This morning you took
my brother, Ike. He's the little
freckled kid that looks like a
The Visitors stare at Kyle.
At first I was happy you took him
away... But I've learned something
today; that having a little brother
is a pretty special thing.
Violin music swells up.
Aw, heck, Mr. Visitors, I'm just a
kid all alone in this crazy world,
but if you could just find it in
your hearts or whatever you have to
give my brother back to me, it sure
would make my life brighter again
Kyle bows his head down and starts to sob.
That was beautiful, dude.
(still looking down)
Did it work?
Nope, they're leaving.
HEY YOU SKRAWNY ASS (BEEP)-HEADS!
The visitors turn around.
WHAT'S THE (BEEP) IS WRONG WITH YOU,
YOU (BEEP) LITTLE (BEEP). YOU MUST
BE SOME KIND OF (BEEP) TO BE ABLE TO
IGNORE A CRYING CHILD.
Stan is absolutely shocked.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE!? I BET YOU'D
ALL LIKE TO (BEEP) YOUR OWN (BEEP)
WHILE SHE (BEEP) ON YOUR (BEEP)
Hey Wendy, what's a (BEEEEEP)
Suddenly, a large door on the alien mothership opens. Ike is
entombed in some sort of alien machinery. He is being spun
around and is shocked with all sorts of alien electricy but
generally looks as happy as he always does.
Blaa Ba Wah Wahh
Ike! Jump down now for the love of
God Ike, JUMP!!!!
Bo ham me!
Just then, the herd of cows comes running in. The cows come
to a screeching halt RIGHT IN FRONT of the aliens! Their
poor little cow eyes grow wide and they start to shake.
The visitors stare at the cows. The cows shiver, they have
nowhere to run. Finally, one of the visitors raises its hand
in a Vulcan-like gesture.
The cows all look suprised.
Mooo. Moooo. Mooo.
SUBTITLES: "Greetings, Cows of Earth. We come in peace."
The cows all look at each other. Finally, one cow makes a
Meanwhile, Kyle and the kids are still trying to get Ike to
Come on, Ike! I promise I'll be nice
to you from now on!
Don kick da bebe!
The visitors continue to moo at the cows.
Moo. Moo. Moo.
SUBTITLES: "We have experimented with all the beings of Earth,
and have learned that you are the most intelligent and wise."
What the hell are they talking about?!
Moo. Moo, moo?
Subtitle: "Why did you turn some of us inside out?"
The visitors look at each other.
Moo, moo, moo. Moo.
Subtitle: "Oh, that was Carl's fault. He's new."
Another visitor steps raises his hand in the background
Subtitle: "Yeah, sorry about that. My bad."
The visitors hand over a small clear obelisk and place it on
the ground in front of the cows who just stare at it.
Moo, moo, moo. Moo.
Subtitle: "Take this device. It is a gift from us."
Kyle stands underneath his brother who still won't jump down.
Ike! Do your impersonation of David
It's my tun!
Finally, Ike jumps from the machine and lands upside down in
The large satellite dish collapses and disappears back into
Moo, moo, moo. Moo.
Subtitle: "Farewell, cows, peace be with you."
The visitors disappear and beam up to their ship. A light
shines down on Cartman down and sucks him up.
You guys! Get me down from here!!
Flames shoot out of Cartman's ass in a flaming fart. The
flames burn the rope and Cartman goes shooting upwards.
Cartman floats up into the spacecraft. Once inside, the hatch
closes and the ship takes off. In the distance, the kids can
Heeeeeeelp... Sonns a bitcheeees!!
With the UFO gone, the forest is silent once again.
I'm sure glad that's over with.
Yeah, boy am I glad to see you, Ike!
Oh he fly at the sky.
EXT. CHEF'S BACK YARD
Wait, where are you going Alien
visitors? Come back!!!
Well Chef, where's this amazing thing
you're going to show us?
Well, it's in the bedroom ladies,
come on in.
C'mon Ike, we can make it just in
time for dinner.
Kyle and Ike walk away, leaving Stan and Wendy alone.
Thanks for your help, Wendy.
Hey I didn't throw up!
Stan and Wendy move closer as if about to kiss... closer...
closer... And finally - Stan vomits all over himself and
Hey look! A french fry!
And what is that?
I think its part of a Cheesy Poof.
Hey, what's that?
Wendy and Stan continue to identify food stuffs in Stan's
vomit, silhouetted against a full moon.
EXT. BUSSTOP - MORNING
Stan and Kyle wait for the bus.
Gee, the bus'll be here any minute
and Cartman still isn't around.
Yeah, we're running out of friends.
I wonder what that thing was the
visitors gave the cows?
The cows graze peacefully. They have their little object
Officer Barbrady walks in.
Ha ha cows, I got you cornered. Let's
see you get away now!
One of the cows steps on the object that the aliens gave
them and a ray shoots out and hits Officer Barbrady who begins
to dance and sing (although his voice isn't his own) the way
Cartman did when he was under the alien control.
I love to sing-a! About the moon-a
and the Juna and the spring-a! I
love to sing-a! About a sky of blue
or a tea for two.
The cows jump up and down gleefully.
RESUME - BOYS AT BUSSTOP
Suddenly, Cartman drops from the sky and lands with a dull
thud into the snow.
Oh, hey Cartman!
Cartman moans. The school bus pulls up.
Wow, Cartman, the visitors dropped
you off just in time to go to school!
Oh man, I had this crazy nightmare
Really? What about?
Well, I was standing out in a field
and I had this HUGE satellite dish
stickin' outta my butt. And then
there was hundreds of cows and aliens,
and then I went up on the ship and
Scott Baio gave me pink eye.
That wasn't a dream Cartman. That
Oh right, why don't have pink eye
Cartman, you DO have pink eye!
Sure enough, Cartman's eyes are a bright shade of pink.
Ah son of a bitch.
Cartman gets an anal probe
Writers : Matt Stone Trey Parker
Genres : Animation Comedy