The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                      Episode 611


                            "CHILD ABDUCTION IS NOT FUNNY"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [Tweek's house, night. He's on the sofa looking at news.]

                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                          And in other news, another school shooting 
                         has taken place, this time in Idaho. 
                         As these kinds of shooting increase, 
                         one thing becomes clear: Your children 
                         are not safe at school.
 
                                     TWEEK
                         Oh God!  Change it! Change it! 

                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                          This was the second time a terrorist 
                         threat has been made on a theme park, 
                         leaving everyone to realize that children 
                         are not safe outside.
 
                                     TWEEK
                         Agh! God, change it!! 

                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                          And it seems there's a new danger to 
                         look out for: children who are taken 
                         by strangers. The bottom line: children 
                         are not safe... in their own homes!
 
                         
                                     TWEEK
                          Aaaah!!

                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                          Tweek.

                                     TWEEK
                         Gahahghah

                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                         Come to the kitchen, sweetie. We need 
                         to see you real quick. 
 
               [Kitchen. Richard is at table as Tweek arrives. Tweek's mom is 
               serving coffee. There are two coffee makers in the background]
 
               
                                     TWEEK
                         Oh God. They're gonna get me.

                                     RICHARD
                         Sit down and have some coffee, son. 
                          Tweek, there's starting to be a lot 
                         of reports in the news about kids being 
                         abducted, and we thought we should talk.
 
                         
                                     TWEEK
                          I s-I saw! Uuuh!

                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                         You know never to talk to strangers, 
                         right Tweek? You can't trust anybody.
 
                         
                                     TWEEK
                          Oh God! Huh!

                                     RICHARD
                         Now, we don't want to alarm you, son, 
                         but we've isntalled new locks on your 
                         bedroom windows and door. Important 
                         for you to know never to unlock them 
                         at night for anyone except your mother 
                         and I.
 
                                     TWEEK
                          Oh Jesus! Huh!

                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                         It's just a precaution, sweetie. Probably 
                         nothing will ever happen.
 
               [The Tweek house, after bedtime. Tweek is in his bed having a 
               nightmare.]
 
                                     TWEEK
                         No, ...NO! They're gonna get me!  GAAAH! 
                         Huh, huh, huh-oh, oh God.  Uh, just 
                         a dream.  OH MY GOD!!  GAAAH!! 
 
                                     VOICE
                         Tweek! This is Officer Daniels! Now, 
                         try and stay calm, but we believe an 
                         abductor is in your room!
 
                                     TWEEK
                         ...Inside my room? Oh God!

                                     VOICE
                         Give it up, buddy! We've got ya surrounded! 
                         Okay, Tweek, I want you to very calmly 
                         but quickly walk to the door and come 
                         out to us!
 
                                     TWEEK
                          Oh my God!  Oh! Oh! Jesus, see me through 
                         this.  AAAHH!
 
                                     VOICE
                         Bang!  You're dead, Tweek. 

                                     TWEEK
                          What??

                                     RICHARD
                         You failed the test, son. Didn't I tell 
                         you not to open the door for anybody 
                         except your mother and I?
 
                                     TWEEK
                          Oh God! Oh Jesus!

                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                          What if that had been a child abductor 
                         pretending to be a police officer, Tweek?
 
                         
                                     RICHARD
                         He would have sprayed your brains all 
                         over the floor and then taken your body 
                         off to the woods.  You've got to be 
                         on your toes, Tweek. Alright, now go 
                         to bed and get some rest.
 
                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                         'Night, pumpkin. 

               [The Bijou, next day. "Men In Black II" is showing. Stan, Kyle, 
               Cartman and Tweek walk up to the ticket booth]
 
                                     STAN
                         I hope this movie doesn't suck ass.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         It will.

                                     CARTMAN
                          One please.

                                     TWEEK
                          Wait, that's not the usual ticket-taker 
                         guy!
 
                                     KYLE
                         So?

                                     TWEEK
                         So? I don't know him!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Dude, relax.

                                     TWEEK
                         You relax! What if he wants to kill 
                         me?! AAAAAAAA!! 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Gah, what the hell do his parents do 
                         to him?
 
               [Down the road. Tweek is running, but soon tires out. A car pulls 
               up and the driver looks out the passenger window]
 
                                     DRIVER
                         'Scuse me, is this the right road to 
                         Breckenridge.
 
                                     TWEEK
                          AAH! Uh...

                                     DRIVER
                         Please, I just need to know if this 
                         is "South Park"?
 
                                     TWEEK
                         Get away from meee! 

               [A street corner. Tweek arrives there and stops to catch his 
               breath. An elderly lady walks up and taps his hair. Tweek screams 
               and jumps back. The crossing signal says "WALK," so it's alright 
               for both to cross the street]
 
                                     ELDERLY LADY
                         Could you help me across the street?
 
                         
                                     TWEEK
                         I don't know you!  Ah, AAAH!

               [The outskirts of town. Tweek is running and arrives at some 
               train tracks. A man in a wheelchair sits between the tracks. 
               He looks behind to see that no one has followed him]
 
                                     MAN IN WHEELCHAIR
                         Oh, hey, kid!  Oh, thank God you happened 
                         by. My- my chair ran out of juice right 
                         on these train tracks. If you hadn't 
                         had shown up, well... Well, anyway, 
                         could you give me a push?
 
                                     TWEEK
                         Huh uh!

                                     MAN IN WHEELCHAIR
                         No, no, you don't understand. I'm, I'm 
                         paralyzed from the neck down. I push 
                         the chair with this device in front 
                         of my mouth, but it's it's not working, 
                         so you see-
 
                                     TWEEK
                         I'm not supposed to talk to you!

                                     MAN IN WHEELCHAIR
                         Please, this, this isn't funny, kid. 
                         You have to help me.
 
                                     TWEEK
                         But it could be a trick!  Ugh. That's 
                         a pretty good trick.
 
               [The Tweek house, night. Tweek is again asleep, peacefully. A 
               light fills the room and rouses him from his sleep. At the foot 
               of the bed is a man dressed in a robe. He holds a scepter in 
               his right hand and wears laurel branches on his head. He is glowing, 
               as is the bauble atop the scepter]
 
                                     TWEEK
                         AaaaAAAHH! 

                                     MAN
                          Relax, Tweek. I am not here to hurt 
                         you. I am the Ghost of Human Kindness.
 
                         
                                     TWEEK
                          The Ghost of Human Kindness?

                                     TWEEK
                         What do you want?

                                     TWEEK
                         Huh-uh, how can I help it? It seems 
                         that everywhere I turn, someone is out 
                         to get me.
 
                                     TWEEK
                         It isn't?

               [A woman enters the Shady Acres Retirement Community and heads 
               for the front door. Tweek and the ghost arrive and follow her 
               in]
 
               [A one-story house, later. Tweek and the ghost reach the front 
               window]
 
               [The camera looks at a snowy sky with a full moon and pans down. 
               Tweek and the ghost are walking down the highway]
 
               [South Park. Tweek and the ghost are back in town]

                                     TWEEK
                         I think so. You mean that, even though 
                         all the news is about murderers and 
                         abductors, those kind of people... only 
                         make up a very small part of the world.
 
                         
                                     TWEEK
                         I'll... try.

                                     TWEEK
                         Your van? 

                                     OFFICER 1
                         Alright Johnson, give it up!

                                     TWEEK
                         What the hell is going on??

                                     TWEEK'S MOM
                         Tweek, Tweek, are you okay?

                                     RICHARD
                         Did he hurt you, son?

                                     TWEEK
                         No

                                     DETECTIVE
                         Then we aren't too late. His name is 
                         Frederick Johnson. He's been abducting 
                         children by dressing up like the Ghost 
                         of Human Kindness for over a year now.
 
                         
                                     LIANE
                         What's going on?

                                     SHARON
                         A stranger was caught trying to abduct 
                         the Tweek boy.
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                          An abductor in our town?

                                     TOM
                         Oh my God, what are we gonna do?

               [South Park City Hall, next day. The townsfolk are clamoring 
               outside the front door]
 
                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble 
                         rabble rabble...
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         People, people, calm down.

                                     RANDY
                         Well what are we gonna do, Mayor?! We 
                         have to stop these abductors from being 
                         able to get into our town!
 
                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble 
                         rabble rabble...
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         Yes, but standing out here yelling "Rabble 
                         rabble rabble" isn't going to help anything.
 
                         
                                     JIMBO
                         Well we don't know what else to do, 
                         Mayor!
 
                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble 
                         rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble.
 
                         
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         People, what do you think we need to 
                         do?
 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                          Uh, well, we need to find a way to 
                         close our town off from unwanted strangers!
 
                         
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Yes, we need a barrier to protect our 
                         kids.
 
                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         Rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble rabble...
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         Wait, that's it. A wall. We could build 
                         a huge city wall all around South Park 
                         so that we have complete control over 
                         who comes in.
 
                                     RICHARD
                         That's... not a bad idea, a city wall.
 
                         
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         But who can we get to build it?

               [City Wok, later. Several adults are in the restaurant]

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         ...And so, we want you to design and 
                         build a great wall, all around the city.
 
                         
                                     CITY WOK OWNER
                         I don' build wall. I just own un' operate 
                         City Wok.
 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         We just think that you're the best person 
                         to put up a wall. We're sure you've 
                         got it in your blood.
 
                                     CITY WOK OWNER
                          Oh, I get it. Just because I Chinese, 
                         you think I build wall. That i' bullshit! 
                         I'm not stereotype, okay?! Just because 
                         I'm Chinese doesn't mean I go around 
                         building wall! I'm just a normal person 
                         like all o'you! I eat ahrice and drive 
                         ahreally slow, just like the rest o'you! 
                         I'm not stereotype!
 
                                     SHARON
                         Please, Mr. Tuong Lu Kim.

                                     RANDY
                         Your ancestors put up a great wall that 
                         kept Mongolians out for thousands of 
                         years. We know you can do it for us.
 
                         
               [Outside South Park, some weeks later. A great wall has gone 
               up around South Park, enclosing it like a medieval wall. This 
               is the Great Wall of South Park. Tuong, dressed in his restaurant's 
               uniform, is laying down some bricks. He hears some horses and 
               look up. Some Mongolians have arrived and drawn their swords. 
               They chip away at the wall.]
 
                                     TUONG
                         Hey. Hey hey!  Hey, what the hell you 
                         doing?!  Mongorians? What the hell Mongorians 
                         doing here?  Ey, fuck you, Mongorians! 
                         Tryin' break down my wall!  Get out 
                         of here, fuckin' Mongorians!  God-damnit, 
                         how come every time us Chinese put up 
                         a wall, stupid Mongorians have to come 
                         and knock it down?
 
               [South Park, now encircled by the Great Wall, later.]

               [The Marsh house, living room. Stan is on the sofa watching TV. 
               His parents enter. Randy is carrying a box]
 
                                     RANDY
                         Stan, our abduction problems are over. 
                         We got the new Child Tracker.
 
                                     STAN
                         Child Tracker?

                                     SHARON
                         It's a little electrical device that 
                         can tell us where you are anywhere on 
                         Earth.
 
                                     RANDY
                         If anybody takes you, we'll be able 
                         to locate your exact location within 
                         two meters.
 
               [Moments later, Randy finishes installing the Tracker, and both 
               parents smile.]
 
                                     RANDY
                         There, I think that's got it. 

                                     STAN
                         ...Dude, no way! I'm not wearing Child 
                         Tracker!
 
                                     RANDY
                         You can barely even tell you have one 
                         on.
 
                                     STAN
                         I'm not going to school like this! What 
                         will all the other guys say?!
 
                                     SHARON
                         I wouldn't worry about that.

               [School bus stop, next day. Stan is wearing his tracker. Kyle, 
               Cartman, and Tweek are wearing their own trackers. All trackers 
               are activated.]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         So weak. So weak, dude. Man.

                                     KYLE
                         Why did you go and have to be abducted, 
                         Tweek? Now all our parents are freaking 
                         out!
 
                                     TWEEK
                         I didn't mean to.

               [The Great Wall of South Park. Tuong finishes the repairs on 
               the damaged section.]
 
                                     TUONG
                         Okay. Finary.  Oh no.  It's those God-damned 
                         Mongorians again! Stop! Stop right there, 
                         Mongorians!  God-damnit, stop!  Stop 
                         breaking down my city wall you stupid 
                         Mongoriaaans!  Ay, you sons of bitches, 
                         you-  What the hell??  Oh, shit!  OH, 
                         GOD-DAMNED MONGORIANS!!  I'm gonna get 
                         you, fuckin' Mongorians! Don't break 
                         down my city wall!  Oh, God-damnit! 
                          That's the last time you're gonna break 
                         down my city wall! You hear me, Mongorians?! 
                          God-damned Mongorians.
 
               [A baseball field. A cheer comes up from the bleachers. A close-up 
               shows the townsfolk rooting for their Cows.]
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Alright, Cows, We're gonna go out there 
                         and we're gonna give 'em hell! 
 
                                     KYLE
                         But, wait. Where's the other team? 
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         There is no other team.

                                     STAN
                         Huh?

                                     RICHARD
                         Well, we've... put a wall around the 
                         city to keep outsiders out. You don't 
                         think we want a bunch of strangers coming 
                         in to play ball, do you?
 
                                     STAN
                         But if there is no other team, then 
                         it won't be any fun.
 
                                     RANDY
                         Don't worry, it'll still be fun for 
                         us. 
 
                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         Go Cows! Go Cows! Go Cows! Go Cows!
 
                         
                                     JIMBO
                          Play ball!  Steeeeee-riiike

                                     TOWNSFOLK
                          Yeah! Woohoo! Yeah!

               [Crust E. Krotch's Pizza, Corral, night. The town is in there 
               celebrating a victory. Ned is playing "Thirst For Blood"]
 
                                     JIMBO
                          South Park Cows do it again!

                                     SHARON
                         Congratulations on your victory, boys. 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Dude, we weren't playing anybody.

                                     RANDY
                         Yeah, and you kicked ass!

                                     MR. GOODMAN
                         Isn't it awesome havin' a great wall 
                         around our city? Nobody in town except 
                         for our good friends.
 
                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         Yeahah! Alright! Yeah. Right on! Right 
                         on!
 
                                     RICHARD
                          Guys! Sh, quiet everyone. 

                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                          And this newest study reveals more 
                         about child abductions than we apparently 
                         knew before, Tom. 
 
                                     SHARON
                         Turn it up.

                                     TOM
                          That's right, Chris. This newest study 
                         shows that the majority of child abductions 
                         are NOT commited by strangers, but by 
                         somebody the child knows in their own 
                         town.  The report further states that 
                         it is because the child trusts the individual 
                         that problems occur in the first place.
 
                         
                                     CHRIS
                         Well, I guess this means the enemy is 
                         in our own backyard, so to speak.
 
                         
                                     TOM
                         Sure does, Tom.

                                     CHRIS
                         Alright, thanks, Chris. Is the weather 
                         going to turn su- 
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Well, if you'll all excuse us, I think 
                         we'll be going now. 
 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                          Yeah. Come along, Kyle 

                                     SHARON
                         Stanley, time for us to get back to 
                         the house.
 
                                     STAN
                          I'm not done with my pizza.

                                     SHARON
                         NOW, Stanley! 

               [The Great Wall of South Park. Tuong is working on something 
               behind a brick shield.]
 
                                     TUONG
                         Eh. Eh, eh, there we go.  All finished. 
                         My Mongolian Missile Defense system. 
                          Those Mongolians try to break down 
                         my city wall again, they gonna get a 
                         big heat-seeking missile surprise!  
                         Oh! Hello Mongolians. Yeah. You come 
                         to break down my city wall?  Oh, you 
                         gonna throw that baseball at my wall?? 
                          Oh no! Not a baseball! I'm pretty scared. 
                          Well, you know what? I might have something 
                         here that's a little bigger than a baseball. 
                          Say hello to my little friend!  Aw, 
                         crap.  Ooohhhh  God-damned Mongolians!! 
                         You break down my city wall foda last 
                         time!!
 
               [South Park, the bus stop, next day. The parents are present 
               with the boys as they wait for the school bus]
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, this is worse than Child Tracker.
 
                         
                                     RICHARD
                         'Sokay, boys. Just act as if we weren't 
                         here.
 
                                     SHARON
                         Right. Do what you normally would do.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                          You're such a fatass, Cartman.

                                     CARTMAN
                         At least I'm not a stupid Jew.

                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Whatwhatwhaaat??

               [South Park Elementary. The bell rings and the class begins. 
               Mr. Mackey is at the board. ]
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay, kids, so, now, who can tell me 
                         what year the first moon landing took 
                         place?  Uh, how about you, Clyde?
 
                         
                                     MR. GOODMAN
                          Nineteen six-

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         No helping!  M'kay, I'm not really sure 
                         havin' all the parents here is a good 
                         idea, m'kay?
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Well, maybe things could be better if 
                         we could trust people like the Stotches!
 
                         
                                     CHRIS
                         Us?? Your family's all be the shifty-eyed 
                         ones!
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Oh yeah?! 

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         Oh, this is too much to take.  Mom, 
                         Dad, could you please leave me alone?
 
                         
                                     MR. MACKEY'S FATHER
                         We just wanna make sure nobody hurts 
                         you, Junior, m'kay?
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         M'kay.

               [Great Wall of South Park. Mr. Lu Kim wheels a vat of boiling 
               fluid to one of the openings]
 
                                     TUONG
                         Hahahaha! My masterpiece!  When those 
                         Mongolians come next time, I pour this 
                         sweet and sour pork on their heads. 
                         Haha, sweet and sour pork so hot and 
                         sticky, Mongolians'll stick ahright 
                         up to the wall! And scream "UhwOoOoOoOoo!" 
                         Oh I can't wait.  Oh, I get it. A Trojan 
                         Mongolian horse. Mongolians a-hiding 
                         inside thinking that I'll bring it in 
                         city wall, then Mongolians pop out and 
                         destroy wall from the inside out without 
                         gettin' any sweet and sour pork on their 
                         heads! Okay. I'll pray around.  Oh! 
                         Oh rook! Rook, my very own Mongorian 
                         Trojan horse! Gee, what a surprise! 
                         I guess Mongorians aren't such crappy, 
                         smelly people after all!  Yeah. Great! 
                         Rwow!  Yeah, what a great present! I'm 
                         just gonna push it inside the gate and 
                         soon tell all my friends.  Oh, it's 
                         sweet and sour pork!  Oh! I'm going 
                         to get you Nogodians, if it's the last 
                         thing I do!
 
               [The Tweek house, night. The parents are in the living room sitting 
               together on the sofa watching TV and sharing a bag of popcorn. 
               A blanket covers their legs. The surroundings show an iron door 
               where the front door is, and roll-down iron blinds over the windows]
 
               
                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                          And so all the residents of Manhattan 
                         are prepared to evacuate if Ms. Clinton's 
                         ass gets any bigger. And in other news, 
                         new findings on the increase in child 
                         abductions.
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Oh Jesus, turn it up, honey!

                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                         The study shows that the most likely 
                         abductors of children... are the parents 
                         themselves!  The study reveals that 
                         nine out of every ten abduction cases 
                         are commited by the child's mother or 
                         father. The bottom line being that your 
                         children aren't safe, even from you! 
                         
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Where are you going?

                                     MRS. TWEEK
                         Uh. I'm just going to go upstairs and 
                         see if Tweek is still in his bed.
 
                         
                                     RICHARD
                         Oh??  I think I'll go with you.

                                     MRS. TWEEK
                         It's okay. I can do it.

                                     RICHARD
                         I just want to make sure that you-
 
                         
                                     MRS. TWEEK
                         That I don't abduct him? How do I know 
                         that you haven't done it already??
 
                         
                                     RICHARD
                         Me?? I would never abduct our son!
 
                         
                                     MRS. TWEEK
                         That's not what the new study says!
 
                         
                                     RICHARD
                          Well what are we supposed to do, eh-? 
                         How can we protect Tweek from ourselves? 
                         
 
               [South Park, next day. The familes gather on a neighborhood street. 
               The parents are hugging their kids.]
 
                                     RANDY
                          Here you go, Stanley. This should hold 
                         you over for three years.
 
                                     STAN
                         But why do I have to leave?

                                     RANDY
                         The news says that at your age you aren't 
                         safe with us, son. You have to get out 
                         of here before we abduct you.
 
                                     SHARON
                         Good-bye, son.  Remember to eat right.
 
                         
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                          Look out for your brother, Kyle. You're 
                         the man now.
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Oh, boys! Don't ever forget that we 
                         love you! 
 
                                     LINDA STOTCH
                         Be careful out there!

                                     STAN
                         Where are we supposed to go?

                                     RANDY
                         We can't tell you because we can't know 
                         where you are! 
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Oh, this is terrible! 

                                     MR. GOODMAN
                         Go on, kids! Go! Go and don't look back! 
                         
 
                                     RANDY
                         Good-bye, kids. We'll... never forget 
                         you. 
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, sometimes I think our parents 
                         are really stupid.
 
                                     A WOMAN
                          Oh my God.

               [The Great Wall of South Park, day. Tuong is still congealed 
               under the sweet and sour sauce the Mongolians dumped on him, 
               but the Trojan Mongolian horse is gone. A dog walks by and sniffs]
 
               
                                     TUONG
                         Ah. Hey daw. O'er 'ere. O'er 'ere, dog. 
                         Got som'in sweet and souh foh ya.  Good 
                         dog! That's it! Keep licking, dog!
 
                         
               [Some time later. Tuong runs along the ramparts of the wall, 
               finally freed from the sweet and sour pork that had held him 
               in place]
 
                                     TUONG
                         Hahahahahaaa! I'm free, Mongolians! 
                         And now I'm gonna make you PAY!
 
               [The Marsh house, night. Randy is at the sofa watching the news.]
 
               
                                     NEWS ANCHOR
                         Finally, some good news tonight. It's 
                         been several days since any child abductions 
                         have taken place. The main reason: parents 
                         don't know where their children are. 
                         
 
                                     RANDY
                         What's the matter? 

                                     SHARON
                         Oh, it's just... I was wondering if 
                         Stan's okay.
 
                                     RANDY
                          Oh, I'm sure he's made it somewhere 
                         safe by now. 
 
                                     SHARON
                         Do you really think we did the right 
                         thing, Randy? Sending all the young 
                         kids in town to live on their own?
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                          Sweetheart, you saw the news...

                                     SHARON
                         I know. 

                                     RANDY
                         Don't you worry. I'm sure that Stan 
                         and all the other kids are somewhere 
                         safe, off in a whole new city by now, 
                         making a new life for themselves.
 
                         
               [A Mongolian camp outside the Great Wall of South Park, night. 
               The Mongolians are roasting and enjoying small animals, and drying 
               the hides near a tent. The town's kids are now with them, wearing 
               new clothes.]
 
                                     LEADER
                         Tah tane da ke ab kahleh kalabush.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Bi ologad bag, big nan dastai. 

                                     MONGOLIAN
                          De bandig baeakhalah?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Tawya mea pleda cleah bleah.

                                     TWEEK
                         Triben fak burushban.

                                     ALL
                         Shain balag!

               [The Great Wall of South Park, day. Tuong pops up outside the 
               wall dressed in imperial attire.]
 
                                     TUONG
                         Awright, Mongolians! Your only way through 
                         this wall is through me. This is my 
                         rast stand! I'm gonna do my war dance 
                         now.  Does my war dance ascare you, 
                         Mongolians? Yeah, you think you want 
                         a piece of this?  This is ancient Chinese 
                         dance of a- Oh, herro kids. Uh be careful, 
                         there's a-Mongolians up there.  Oh, 
                         crap! 
 
                                     RANDY
                         What's going on?

                                     LIANE
                         I heard an explosion.

                                     TUONG
                          God-damned Mongolians attacked city 
                         wall again! 
 
                                     MAN IN BACK
                         Mongolians??

                                     RANDY
                         What the hell are they doin' here?! 
                         Rabble! Rabble rabble!
 
                                     ADULTS
                         Rabble rabble rabble rabble!

                                     RICHARD
                         Wait a minute. Those Mongolians are... 
                         our children. 
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Ike?? Kyle??

                                     SHARON
                         My son has become a Mongolian?? No! 
                         Noooo!! 
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Oh God. What have we done? We sent our 
                         children away, and now they don't even 
                         remember who they are.
 
                                     MR. GOODMAN
                         Kids? Don't you remember us?

                                     RANDY
                         Wait wait. I learned some Mongolian 
                         in college.  Ah, let's see. Uh. K-kids, 
                         uh, Bi kute. Bi salnek kute. Uh-d tah 
                         tasobarro.
 
                                     STAN
                          Oh my God, our parents are so stupid, 
                         dude. 
 
                                     RANDY
                         Bi kute.

                                     MR. GOODMAN
                         We are your parents. You used to live 
                         here, with us.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, it was like four days ago!

                                     RICHARD
                         They're starting to remember.

                                     RANDY
                          Staaan. Your name... is Staaan!

                                     STAN
                         Uh huh, Stan Marsh.

                                     RANDY
                          That's it! Remember, son! Rememmmber! 
                         
 
                                     RICHARD
                         We're sorry, Tweek!

                                     MR. GOODMAN
                         Are you okay, Clyde?

                                     CHRIS
                          Oh, son, can you ever forgive us?
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh, I'm over here, Dad.

                                     CHRIS
                         Oh. 

                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         We're sorry, kids. We just let all those 
                         sensationalist news reports go to our 
                         heads.
 
                                     RICHARD
                         Oh my God, do you see what this means? 
                         The Ghost of Human Kindness was right 
                         all along.
 
                                     MR. GOODMAN
                         You mean how he said we should trust 
                         each other, or how he abducted children?
 
                         
                                     RICHARD
                         The uh... no no, the part about being 
                         more trusting. We should follow what 
                         he said, not what he did.
 
                                     ADULTS
                         Wow, yeah. Oh yeah.

                                     RANDY
                         No, no. You know who was right all along? 
                         The Mongolians.  They knew that you 
                         just can't wall yourself off from the 
                         outside world. Putting walls up never 
                         helps anything. Tearing them down brings 
                         us together.
 
                                     ADULTS
                         Whoa! Wow. Right!

                                     CHRIS
                         Yeah, the Mongolians were right. Yeah.
 
                         
                                     TUONG
                         Aw, you'd better not say what I think 
                         you're gonna say.
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         Mr. Lu Kim, tear down this wall!

                                     TUONG
                         Oh, God! I hate this whole shitty!
 
                         
                                     SHARON
                         Randy, can we just take our son home 
                         now?
 
                                     RANDY
                         Yes, kids.  With us, now come. Home. 
                         Hoomme. 
 
                                     STAN
                          Jesus Christ, dude, they've done some 
                         stupid crap before, but Jesus Christ. 
                         
 
               THE END

Child Abduction Is Not Funny



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy