The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                     Episode 902


                                 "DIE HIPPIE, DIE!"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [An elderly woman's home. Cartman rings her doorbell, and she 
               answers it. Cartman is dressed in an orange hazmat suit and is 
               carrying a tank of something on his back]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hello, ma'am. I'm working to clean up 
                         the neighborhood from parasites. Do 
                         you mind if I take a quick look around 
                         your house? I'm afraid you may have 
                         hippies.
 
                                     ELDERLY WOMAN
                         Hippies?

                                     CARTMAN
                          Yeah, they've been poppin' up all over 
                         the neighborhood lately. Ms. Nelson 
                         next door had seven hippies in her basement; 
                         they usually live in colonies.  Hm, 
                         I don't like the sound of that. Could 
                         I take a look in your attic?
 
               [The attic. He opens the door and looks in. He gets out a flashlight, 
               turns it on, and looks around again. He stops after a few seconds.]
 
               
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh yeah, boy. Take a look at this, ma'am. 
                          See that? Hippies. 
 
                                     ELDERLY WOMAN
                         Oh my.

                                     CARTMAN
                         These are what we call the uh giggling 
                         stoners. Pretty common form of hippie, 
                         usually found in the attics. Problem 
                         is, if you see one hippie, there's probably 
                         a whole lot more you're not seein'. 
                         Uh, whe-where's the backyard.
 
               [The backyard. The elderly lady opens the door and Cartman walks 
               out onto the back porch]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yep, that's what I thought. See that? 
                         You've got a drum circle in your backyard. 
                         
 
                                     ELDERLY WOMAN
                         Oh, well they showed up a few days ago, 
                         but I didn't think they were hurting 
                         anything.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah. You know, I had a guy in Jackson 
                         county. He had a little drum circle 
                         in his backyard. It turned into a drum 
                         circle four miles in diameter. You get 
                         a few hippies playing drums and next 
                         thing you know, you got yourself a colony.
 
                         
                                     ELDERLY WOMAN
                         Oh dear.

               [back inside the house]

                                     ELDERLY WOMAN
                         Oh, well, so, so what do I do?

                                     CARTMAN
                          Well, your attic could be so we can 
                         fumigate with polymerethane. The drum 
                         circle we're gonna have to gas.  Goddamnit! 
                         
 
                                     HIPPIE 1
                          Whoa, how did I get here? Man, I'm 
                         so high.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Goddamn hippie! 

                                     HIPPIE 1
                         Whoa, dude!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Get out of here!

                                     HIPPIE 1
                         Not cool!  What's up?! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Ma'am, I need to clear out your giggling 
                         stoners and your drum-cricle hippies 
                         RIGHT NOW, or soon they're gonna attract 
                         something much worse!
 
                                     ELDERLY WOMAN
                         Ooooo.what's that?

                                     CARTMAN
                         The college know-it-all hippies.

               [The neighborhood, day. A red car pulls up to the curb. On the 
               back window is a decal which says "University of Colorado at 
               Boulder" Three men and three women step out of the car]
 
                                     DRIVER
                          Wow, my friend Brittany was right. 
                         This is a really laid-back place.
 
                         
                                     WOMAN 1
                          Yeah, this will be a great place to 
                         spend spring break. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Hey, let's ask them. 

                                     STAN
                         All right.  'Scuse me.  Hello, we are 
                         selling magazine subscriptions for our 
                         community youth program. Would you like 
                         to help young people like us by purchasing 
                         a subscription of your choice?
 
                                     DRIVER
                         Oh wow, you guys shouldn't be doing 
                         that. Don't you know what you're doing 
                         to the world?
 
                                     KYLE
                         Wha- whataya mean?

                                     MAN 1
                          You're playing into the corporate game! 
                         See, the corporations are trying to 
                         turn you into little Eichmanns so that 
                         they can make money. 
 
                                     STAN
                         Who are the corporations?

                                     WOMAN 2
                          The corporations run the entire world. 
                         And now they fooled you into working 
                         for them.
 
                                     STAN
                         Are you serious?? We never heard that.
 
                         
                                     DRIVER
                         We just spent our first semester at 
                         college. Our professors opened our eyes. 
                         The government is using its corporate 
                         ties to make you sell magazines so they 
                         can get rich.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Ugh! Those dirty liars!

                                     KENNY
                         (Sonofabitch!) 

                                     MAN 2
                          This is a really nice town you have 
                         here. That's why the corporations are 
                         trying to use you to take it down.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Well... Well what do we do?

                                     DRIVER
                         Just hang with us for a bit. We'll fill 
                         you in on everything you haven't been 
                         told. 
 
               [Cartman's basement. He's gathered a bunch of hippies in there 
               and one of them pounds the door to get out]
 
                                     HIPPIE 2
                          It is time to let us out! I'm sending 
                         your names! Open this door right now!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          All right, in you go.

                                     HIPPIE 2
                         What are you doing, man?!

                                     HIPPIE 3
                          Let us out! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Get back. Get back or you're all gonna 
                         get maced! 
 
                                     HIPPIE 2
                         What's up, man?! You can't keep us down 
                         here like this!
 
                                     HIPPIE 4
                          What's wrong with you?!

                                     CARTMAN
                         What's wrong is that there's more of 
                         you showing up every day and I need 
                         to find out why!
 
                                     HIPPIE 5
                          What makes you think you could tell 
                         us where to live?!
 
                                     HIPPIE 6
                         This is a free country, man!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Brah, I'm not gonna argue with you, 
                         all right? Just go with it.
 
                                     HIPPIE 3
                         Just go with it? We've been down here 
                         for days!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         And you're gonna be here a little longer, 
                         brah, all right? Here, here's some joints 
                         , and a guitar! 
 
                                     SINGER
                         What's goin' on in this world o'mine?
 
                         
               There's a whole lot of killin' in this world o'mine.

               Somebody's gotta help this world o'mine...

               [Stan's house, at about the same time. He's sitting at the edge 
               of the porch playing a guitar quietly. On his cap he wears a 
               peace sign]
 
                                     STAN
                         Sign, sign everywhere. Sign

               Done something to my mind.

                                     SHARON
                          Stan, sweetie, we're gonna go to the 
                         mall. Do you wanna come?
 
                                     STAN
                         Mom, the mall is a way for the corporate 
                         fatcats to imprison you into a life 
                         of servitude. I've got some stuff you 
                         should read.
 
                                     SHARON
                         Okay, sweetie.

               [City Hall, City Council meeting. Mayor McDaniels is seated at 
               the head of a boardroom table, with leading citizens of the town 
               sitting on either side.]
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         All right, people, we can move onto 
                         issue number 14B.
 
                                     CHEF
                          Mayor, we have got to do somethin' 
                         about all these potholes on our roads!
 
                         
                                     LINDA STOTCH
                          We don't have it in the budget to fix 
                         them right now.
 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                          We'll wish we spent the money when 
                         we have a lawsuit on our hands.
 
                                     CHEF
                         We- 

                                     GUARD
                         You can't go in there!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Please, I have to talk to you all right 
                         now!
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         Kid, we're have a city council meeting.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Mayor, something very big is happening, 
                         and if you all don't give me a moment 
                         of your time, there may be no more South 
                         Park to council over!
 
                                     RANDY
                          What are you talking about?

                                     CARTMAN
                         I'm talking about the end of all life 
                         as we know it.  For the past several 
                         days I've been... noticing a steep rise 
                         in the number of hippies coming to town. 
                          At first I thought maybe it was just 
                         a coincidence.  Then I saw this...  
                         Three new drum circles have sprouted 
                         up here, here, and here. They're all 
                         growing in diameter, at a rate of two 
                         hippies per hour. What this means... 
                         is that the hippies are conglomerating. 
                         They'er thriving, if you will. I think 
                         that they're setting up for a... . hippie 
                         music festival.
 
                                     LINDA
                         A what?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Ti's, it's simple science. Look: When 
                         hippies start to nest in a new area, 
                         it draws other hippies in. With the 
                         right weather conditions and topography, 
                         it can lead to a music festival. One 
                         that last for days, even weeks. Reggae 
                         on the River, Woodstock, Burning Man, 
                         they will all pale in comparison to 
                         what we're looking at now. In my professional 
                         opinion... I think we're looking at 
                         a full-blown hippie jam festival the 
                         size of which we've never seen. 
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         Kid, what the hell are you talking about?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         I know hippies. I've hated them all 
                         my life. I've kept this town free of 
                         hippies on my own since I was five and 
                         a half. But I can't contain them on 
                         my own anymore. We have to do something, 
                         fast!
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         Uh, Eric, we're, we're talkin' about 
                         potholes right now, m'kay.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         It's not potholes you need to worry 
                         about. It's potheads. I know what these 
                         people are capable of.
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         Johnson, get him out of here. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         What are you doing?!  You have to listen 
                         to me! You can't sweep this problem 
                         under the rug!  The town is in serious 
                         danger! 
 
               [A park in town. The college hippies sit at a table... and on 
               it]
 
                                     DRIVER
                         You see, the corporations take their 
                         profits and invest it in the war machine 
                         while keeping everyone blind.
 
                                     STAN
                         Right, so how do we get back at them?
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, we're pissed off.

                                     DRIVER
                         Well, so my idea was this: Let's have 
                         like a weeklong music festival, draw 
                         everyone here, and then together, we 
                         can tear it all down.  Whoa, what the 
                         hell?! 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I knew you were trying to have a hippie 
                         jam festival! All right, everyone pack 
                         up your crap, we're going to our basement!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Oh Jesus, not you guys?  What happened? 
                         Were you bit? Did you eat their brownies? 
                         DID YOU EAT THEIR BROWNIES?!
 
                                     STAN
                          NO!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Listen, you're my friends, but if you've 
                         been comprimised, I'll have no problem 
                         taking you out! I'll expect the same 
                         from you. 
 
                                     MAN 1
                         What is your problem? Get lost, little 
                         Eichmann. 
 
                                     WOMAN 2
                         Oh my God!

                                     MAN 2
                         What the hell are you doing?! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Everybody get in a single-file line!
 
                         
                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         There you are!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Ah, Officer Barbrady, you're just in 
                         time. These college know-it-all hippies 
                         were setting up for a music festival, 
                         just as I predicted.
 
                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         Eric Cartman, you are under arrest.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         What?

                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         I was just over at your house and freed 
                         sixty-three people you had locked in 
                         your basement.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         You let them out?! Jesus, we have to 
                         find them!
 
                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         Oh no, you're coming downtown! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         No! No, we have to stop them! You know 
                         how we-?! We gotta stop them! Hebbiaaay! 
                         
 
                                     DRIVER
                         Who was that?

               [South Park Police Dept. Cartman is in jail, confused]

                                     CARTMAN
                         What did I do?!

                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         You can't kidnap people and lock them 
                         in your basement.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         They're not people, they're HIPPIES!
 
                         
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS.
                         Is this problem under control?

                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         I handled it, Mayor. Gee whiz.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Mayor! Mayor, I confirmed the data! 
                         The hippies are going to have a massive 
                         jam band concert!
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         I know. I signed the permit.

                                     CARTMAN
                          You... You what?

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         I signed a permit allowing them to have 
                         their concert here. Their little "festival" 
                         should pump some money into our economy.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         They're hippies! They don't HAVE any 
                         money! Does the city council know about 
                         this?!
 
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         They don't have to know. I can sign 
                         whatever permit I want!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         You just SOLD OUT OUR TOWN!  That kid 
                         really needs some psychiatric help.
 
                         
                                     OFFICER BARBRADY
                         Yeah.

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         All right, let's go.

                                     CARTMAN
                          How much money is enough, Mayor?! How 
                         many people's lives it it all worth?! 
                         GODDAMNED HIPPIE!
 
               [Breaking News]

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         This is a South Park News special report! 
                         
 
                                     ANCHORMAN
                         Thousands of people have descended on 
                         South Park for a hippie music jam festival. 
                         The event is said to be the largest 
                         such gathering in the history of man. 
                         
 
                                     MC
                         All right, welcome to Hippie Jam Fest 
                         2005!  Sooo great to see sooo many people 
                         turn out to make an impact on on the 
                         world! 
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah!

                                     KYLE
                         You said it!

                                     MC
                         For too long, the corporations have 
                         bled the world of its love and resources! 
                         It is time for us to get to work and 
                         make the world a better place! And we'reg 
                         onna start right now. 
 
                                     MAN 1
                          Oh man, I can't wait to see the look 
                         on those little Eichmanns' faces when 
                         they hear this crunchy groove. 
 
               [The Marsh house. Sharon and Randy run into each other in the 
               kitchen]
 
                                     RANDY
                         Sharon, have, have you seen Stan?

                                     SHARON
                         He went with his friends to that music 
                         festival.
 
                                     RANDY
                         Oh, Jesus, what has gotten into that 
                         kid?!
 
                                     SHARON
                         Now, Randy, we were the same way once, 
                         too. Don't forget that we were both 
                         considered hippies back in the '60s.
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         Yeah, but when we did it we actually 
                         stood for something. I mean, remember 
                         Woodstock, Sharon? We actually did something 
                         there.
 
               [Flash back to Woodstock, 1969, a crowd scene quite similar to 
               the current one. Randy jumps into view and yells like a barbarian. 
               Sharon jumps into view and they both dance around. Sharon turns 
               and bares her tits and Randy dances so hard he gets dizzy and 
               throws up.]
 
                                     SHARON
                         You ate too much acid, man! 

               [Flash forward to the present. They consider how such activity 
               would be seen these days...]
 
                                     SHARON
                         ...Oh my God. Our son is with those 
                         people.
 
                                     RANDY
                          S-stan. STAAAN!

               [Breaking News]

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         This is South Park News!

                                     ANCHORMAN
                         Fear and horror in South Park today 
                         as the music festival continues to grow. 
                          They're arriving in droves and apparently 
                         no end is in sight.
 
                                     REPORTER
                         Tom, the crowd just keeps getting bigger 
                         and the town is literally bursting at 
                         the seams. We don't know where this 
                         music festival came from, but, it's 
                         very close to consuming us all.
 
               [Butters' house. Linda and Steven hug each other before the TV 
               as they watch the news brief.]
 
                                     LINDA
                         Steven, what do we do?

               [Kyle's house. Music is heard outside. Gerald opens the door 
               and looks out to see hippies milling on his front lawn, and screams. 
               A view from a long distance shows just how big the crowd has 
               gotten, then another shot shows the heart of the festival. Randy 
               is seen looking for his son]
 
                                     RANDY
                          Stan?! Stan?! I need to get through, 
                         please! 
 
                                     JIMBO
                          Randy! Randy, you've got to get out 
                         of here! If they just trample this park, 
                         we'll be trapped! It's too dangerous!
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         My son is in there! Duh-uh!  Stan?! 
                          Stan! Stan!
 
                                     MALE HIPPIE
                         Heey, chill man. It's all good.

                                     FEMALE HIPPIE
                         Have some water laced with acid.

                                     RANDY
                         Sta-ogh. Ugh! 

               [City Hall. The Mayor looks at the festival from her office window.]
 
               
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         What have I done?

                                     MC
                         Yeah, South Park is now the hippie capital 
                         of the world! 
 
               [South Park Police Department. Cartman relaxes in his cell, having 
               nothing to do. He senses he's not alone and looks towards the 
               cell door. The town's adults are on the other side.]
 
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         Uh huh hi Eric, uh, how's it goin'?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Great, I love crapping in a toilet 
                         with no rim on it.
 
                                     RANDY
                         Eric, you were right. About the hippies. 
                         Could you... get rid of them for us 
                         now?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Let me guess: they've started a hippie 
                         jam band music festival.
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         We we need to take care of them, Eric! 
                         They're out of control!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Forget it. 

                                     RANDY
                         Please. Some of our kids are in there. 
                         We should've listened to you earlier.
 
                         
                                     CHEF
                         Yeah. We apologise.

                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         Please. Don't let them ruin our town.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         It's too late! Even if I did agree to 
                         help, there's too many of them now!
 
                         
                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         We know you can do it, Eric. You're 
                         smart. Wha- why you're the smartest 
                         kid in school, m'kay?
 
                                     RANDY
                         We're just asking you to try. The whole 
                         town even got together and, and baked 
                         you a cake. 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Don't think that you can buy me with 
                         presents! ...Unless of course it's the 
                         new Tonka radio-controlled play bulldozer.
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                          It's yours.

                                     CARTMAN
                         I want the batteries for it too. And 
                         I get to drive it around in the school 
                         parking lot.
 
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                         Fine.

                                     JIMBO
                         Anything else?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes.  Kyle doesn't get to have one! 
                         Ever! And he has to watch me drive mine 
                         around the school parking lot and get 
                         super-jealous!
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Well, we can promise not to buy one 
                         for Kyle, but we we can't make him watch 
                         you play th-  Oh yes! Fine! We'll force 
                         Kyle to watch you.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, fine. But now listen up and 
                         listen good! I've never tried to get 
                         rid of this many hippies before, so 
                         I'm gonna need every resource this town 
                         has! And even if I don't succeed, and 
                         it's a million-to-one shot that I will, 
                         I still get the Tonka radio-controlled 
                         bulldozer and get to play with it in 
                         the school parking lot where Kyle has 
                         to watch me and get super-jealous because 
                         he doesn't have one! Are we clear?! 
                         
 
               [The music festival, day 6. The crowd has grown so big the camera 
               has to pull back a loooong way to get it all into view. The boys 
               are again present with the college hippies. The band is playing 
               reggae music.]
 
                                     DRIVER
                         Wow, this band is so crunchy. Dude, 
                         I need more weed.
 
                                     STAN
                         So it seems like we have enough people 
                         now. When do we start taking down the 
                         corporations?
 
                                     MAN 1
                          Yeah man, the corporations. Right now 
                         they're raping the world for money!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, so, where are they. Let's go get 
                         'em.
 
                                     MAN 2
                         Right now we're proving we don't need 
                         corporations. We don't need money. This 
                         can become a commune where everyone 
                         just helps each other.
 
                                     MAN 1
                         Yeah, we'll have one guy who like, who 
                         like, makes bread. A-and one guy who 
                         like, l-looks out for other people's 
                         safety.
 
                                     STAN
                         You mean like a baker and a cop?

                                     MAN 2
                         No no, can't you imagine a place where 
                         people live together and like, provide 
                         services for each other in exchange 
                         for their services?
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, it's called a town.

                                     DRIVER
                         You kids just haven't been to college 
                         yet. But just you wait, this thing is 
                         about to get HUGE.
 
               [Park County Community Center, night. Cartman and the adults 
               are meeting there. Cartman stands next to an easel with various 
               pictures on a tabloid-size book]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, everyone listen up! The hippie 
                         jam band festival is now fourteen miles 
                         in diameter and five hundred thousand 
                         hippies thick.
 
                                     RANDY
                          My God...

                                     CARTMAN
                         In less than three days, all of South 
                         Park will be completely consumed. My 
                         only hope is to fight our way to the 
                         center of the crowd, and reach the heart, 
                         here.  If we can reach the stage, we 
                         can upload this Slayer CD into their 
                         music system.  Hippies can't stand death 
                         metal. If everything works, they should 
                         disperse just before they consume us 
                         all.
 
                                     JIMBO
                         Nice plan, kid, except there's one giant 
                         flaw. That hippie crowd is massive! 
                         How the hell are we supposed to get 
                         through it and reach the stage?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         We drill.  I've designed a vehicle that 
                         can bore its way through even the densest 
                         hippie crowd. They pilots inside will 
                         be safe from the pot smoke and the crappy 
                         music outside.
 
                                     STEVEN
                         Yuh... actually suggesting that somebody 
                         drives right into the heart of that 
                         mob?? It's a suicide mission!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Not just somebody. I need a complete 
                         team to operate this vehicle. Along 
                         with me I'm gonna need a scientest, 
                         an engineer, and of course, a black 
                         person who can sacrifice himself in 
                         case something goes wrong.
 
                                     RANDY
                         I'm the... only scientist in town.
 
                         
                                     LINDA
                         I'm your engineer.

                                     STEVEN
                         Honey, no!

                                     LINDA
                         I have to do it, Steven.

                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, then we just need a black 
                         person who can sacrifice himself in 
                         case something goes wrong.  Lessee, 
                         anyone would do, anyone who meets the 
                         qualifications, let's see...  Oh, I 
                         know. How about- 
 
                                     CHEF
                         Yeah, yeah! I get it! Fine!

                                     STEVEN
                         I I can't believe we're actually listening 
                         to this. This is a crazy plan!
 
                                     RANDY
                         You got a better ides, Steven?! Damnit, 
                         my son is in there!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         There's no more time for ideas! We have 
                         to have this vehicle up and operational 
                         in less than three days! Look, it's 
                         a long shot! But it's also the only 
                         shot we-  got.
 
               [The music festival, day 6. The camera pans across the site and 
               stops where the townsfolk stand around the vehicle]
 
               [New report]

                                     REPORTER
                         Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado, 
                         where a desparate attempt to save the 
                         town is underway. Some call it a suicide 
                         mission, but the heroic men and women 
                         of the hippie digger may be our only 
                         hope of survival. 
 
                                     RAMDU
                         Well I... guess this is it, Sharon.
 
                         
                                     SHARON
                         Please, save our boy, Randy.

                                     LINDA
                         Butters, if anything happens to Mommy, 
                         I, I want you to be a good boy.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Ah I will, Mom.

                                     CHEF
                          Now, now, don't cry, ladies. Everything's 
                         gonna be fine.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I... don't want you to worry about me, 
                         Clyde Frog.  Hey! You're the best stuffed 
                         animal I've ever had. 
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Look out for yourselves!

                                     MRS. GARRISON
                         Godspeed! 

               [Inside the digger]

                                     CARTMAN
                         Primary engine running?

                                     RANDY
                         Check.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Navigation systems?

                                     LINDA
                         Online

                                     CARTMAN
                         Let's punch this baby.  We're coming 
                         up on the outer perimeter of the hippies. 
                         Hang on.  Reaching hippie crowd. Hull 
                         status?
 
                                     RANDY
                         Vehicle shell holding! 

               [A command center nearby. Townsfolk mill around inside]

                                     JIMBO
                         They're in!

                                     TOWNSFOLK
                         All right! All right, yeah! We did it!
 
                         
                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                          All right, people, let's save it!  
                         They still have a long way to go!
 
                         
               [The music festival. The boys are in front of the stage sitting 
               on throw rugs. They're bored.]
 
                                     STAN
                         All right, I can't take it anymore! 
                         I'm getting on that stage!
 
                                     KYLE
                         You're doing what?

                                     GUARD
                          Hey, you can't go up there. Hoohoo, 
                         woo! 
 
               [Inside the digger]

                                     CARTMAN
                         Switching to secondary fuel line.  What's 
                         that?
 
                                     RANDY
                         The drill is getting too hot from all 
                         the hippies. 
 
               [The command center nearby. Townsfolk mill around inside]

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         What's happened?

                                     COUNSELOR MACKEY
                         They, they s- they stopped. Somethin's 
                         wrong.
 
                                     STEVEN
                         Jesus... they're dead in the water. 
                         
 
               [The music festival. The digger is dead. Stan approaches the 
               mic]
 
                                     STAN
                         Uh, excuse me. Excuse me, can I have 
                         your attention please? What are we doing? 
                          It's been nine days! Doesn't it seem 
                         like we should accomplish something?
 
                         
                                     A HIPPIE
                         We're using the power of rock and roll 
                         to change the world! Woo! 
 
                                     STAN
                         Maybe instead of complaining about corporations 
                         being selfish, we should lookt at ourselves. 
                         I mean, is there anything more selfish 
                         than doing nothing but getting high 
                         and listening to music all day long?
 
                         
                                     SINGER
                         He's right. It's time for all of us 
                         to focus our energy and get this hippie 
                         jam into full swing. 
 
               [Inside the digger, the crew tries to start it up again.]

                                     CARTMAN
                         Come on, come on!

                                     LINDA
                         It's useless. The main power line has 
                         been shut down.
 
                                     RANDY
                         Somebody's gonna have to go outside 
                         and activate the backup boosters.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         No, Chef, I'm not gonna let you go out 
                         there!
 
                                     CHEF
                         ...I didn't volunteer!

                                     CARTMAN
                         ...All right, fine Chef, go!

                                     CHEF
                         ...Aw damnit! 

               [The command center nearby. The Mayor takes command]

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         That's it. We're going to Plan B. Nuke 
                         the crowd!
 
                                     STEVEN
                         Goddamnit no! Y-you have to give them 
                         more time!
 
               [The music festival. Chef makes his way through the crowd to 
               the booster switch and turns it on. The digger revs up and zooms 
               towards the stage. Kyle seems to be saying something, but what 
               it is we don't hear.]
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, these people have no idea what's 
                         going on. Let's get out of here.
 
                                     KYLE
                         We can't. Kenny just checked. There's 
                         a wall of people like seven miles thick 
                         behind us.
 
                                     STAN
                         What?? You mean, we're stuck here listening 
                         to this crap? 
 
                                     MAN 2
                         Hey, what happened to the tunes, man?
 
                         
                                     MAN 1
                         More tunes. More tunes! 

                                     LINDA
                         We made it, We made it!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hit the PA system NOW!  Put me in the 
                         main line! 
 
                                     RANDY
                         Which cord is it?

                                     CARTMAN
                         You're the scientist, jackass!

                                     RANDY
                         I'm a geologist!

                                     LINDA
                         We don't have time to argue! They're 
                         gonna nuke us!
 
                                     RANDY
                         Nyugh!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Put them in my laptop! 

                                     A HIPPIE
                         Oh man, not cool.

                                     HIPPIE 3
                          This music is so angry.

                                     MAN 2
                         This is killing my buzz.

                                     MAN 1
                         Let's bail on this whole angry scene. 
                         
 
                                     RANDY
                         It's working!

                                     LINDA
                         What?

                                     RANDY
                         It's, it's working!

               [The command center.]

                                     MRS. GARRISON
                         We did it! We did it! 

               [The music festival. Stan sees his father]

                                     STAN
                         Dad!

                                     RANDY
                         Stan! 

                                     CHEF
                         I'm alive! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hold it right there, Kyle! 

                                     KYLE
                         Whoa, Cartman. We aren't gonna be hippies 
                         anymore. Y-you don't have to kill us.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Kill you? Oh no. I have much bigger 
                         plans for you now.
 
               [South Park Elementary's parking lot. Kyle sits on the curb watching 
               Cartman play with his Tonka radio-controlled play bulldozer. 
               Cartman has the scoop haul some rocks from one pile to another]
 
               
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hoho! Aw man, this is awesome! Weeeee! 
                          Oh here, Kyle, you wanna play with 
                         it a little while.  Oh, psych! You don't 
                         get to! Hehe. Oh, check it out! Cooool!
 
                         
               THE END

Die Hippie, Die!



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy