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                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                     Episode 807


                                      "GOOBACKS"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [Interstate 285 looking north, twilight fading to night. There 
               are two lanes on either side of the highway, with a grass median 
               in between. A Snacky Cakes truck rolls by. Tumbleweeds begin 
               to roll. A few seconds later, the highway sign begins to shake 
               violently and then crackle with lightning. The camera pans to 
               the right and more lightning is seen until a sphere of energy 
               with a doorway appears. More tumbleweeds roll by. A flash of 
               light follows, and an alien steps forth from the sphere. He looks 
               around and mumbles something. He walks towards the highway, looking 
               around all the while. A car comes up quick on him and he freezes 
               in the headlights for a while, then jumps out of the way as a 
               Busy Beavers Moving Company truck barrels past him. A car comes 
               up on him on the other side of the highway. He gets up quickly 
               and steps out of the way. Traffic picks up and the alien dodges 
               all the vehicles until a car almost runs him over. The car brakes 
               and tips him over.]
 
               [South Park, next day. The boys approach a house, which has more 
               snow on it than usual in South Park, especially along the windows. 
               Indeed, looks like the town has just had a snow storm overnight. 
               Each of the boys carries a shovel. Stan rings the bell. A woman 
               answers.]
 
                                     WOMAN
                         Yes?

                                     CARTMAN
                          Hel-lo ma'am. We're going around town 
                         and offering snow-shoveling service. 
                         Would you like your driveway and sidewalk 
                         shoveled for eight thousand dollars?
 
                         
                                     WOMAN
                         Oh well, I certainly could use some 
                         little snow-shovelers, but eight thousand 
                         dollars seems a little steep. How about 
                         ten dollars?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Ooo, ouch, ma'am, please, let go of 
                         that tight grip you have on my balls! 
                         Ten dollars, you're breaking my balls, 
                         ma'am!
 
                                     WOMAN
                         How about fifteen dollars?

                                     CARTMAN
                         It's a deal! All right, guys, let's 
                         get to work!  Yeah, it's so totally 
                         awesome. Craig crapped his pants when 
                         he saw it. Yeah, sweet. So what's goin' 
                         on over there? Yeah, that's pretty cool. 
                          No way! He did not! Aw dude, that is 
                         so weak.  What?
 
                                     KYLE
                         You've been on your fucking phone since 
                         we started!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Dude, I'm takin' a break.

                                     KYLE
                         A break from what?! You haven't done 
                         anything!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Kyle, how many times do we have to go 
                         through this? I'm the negotiator. I 
                         negotiate our price with the customers.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         All you ever do is talk about your balls!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         It works, doesn't it? Did I not just 
                         get us an extra five bucks?
 
                                     KYLE
                         If you want your share of the money, 
                         then you're gonna shovel snow like the 
                         rest of us!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey! Don't boss me around, you fuckin' 
                         Jew! I will kick your ass!
 
               [Moments later the doorbell rings again. This time the camera 
               is in the house looking at the door from an angle. The woman 
               approaches and opens the door. The boys are shown, with Cartman 
               keeping his now-bloody nose from oozing any more blood]
 
                                     STAN
                         Ma'am, do you have a rag and some bandages?
 
                         
                                     WOMAN
                         Oh goodness, what happened?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Shoveling accident.

                                     WOMAN
                         Oooh no, come on inside.  Wait right 
                         here, I'll be right back. 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         You're so lucky I have a... sore shoulder, 
                         Kyle, or I'd totally let you have it.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Cartman, just keep your mouth shut.
 
                         
                                     NEWS ANNOUNCER
                         This is breaking news. Here's Anchorman 
                         Aaron Brown. 
 
                                     AARON BROWN
                          Incredible, absolutely amazing news 
                         today. A man from the future has come 
                         back in time and is in a government 
                         hospital after being hit by a car.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Whoa.

                                     AARON BROWN
                         Christina Naylon has more.

                                     CHRISTINA NAYLON
                          The news is incredible, Aaron. Experts 
                         and scientists have been with the man 
                         from the future for several hours now, 
                         and have been able to learn that he 
                         is from the year 3045. His condition 
                         is stable, and speculation continues 
                         as to why he has come. Has he come to 
                         deliver a cure for cancer? Or to fix 
                         something wrong with the past?
 
                                     AARON BROWN
                         Have to interrupt you there, Christina. 
                         Apparently, Brad Morgan is inside the 
                         base with breaking news. Brad?
 
                                     BRAD MORGAN
                          Aaron, the scientists have been able 
                         to communicate further and have uncovered 
                         that the man from one thousand years 
                         in the future has come to our time... 
                         looking for work. Now, uh he has said 
                         that the future is so overwhelmingly 
                         overpopulated that there are simply 
                         no jobs in his time, and so he built 
                         a time portal and has come back to 21st 
                         century America, uh to find a job here.
 
                         
                                     AARON BROWN
                         Heheh, it's absolutely astounding. He 
                         came back here for work?
 
                                     BRAD MORGAN
                         Huh... that's right, Aaron. Hi-his plan 
                         is to get a job here, in our time, so 
                         that he can put the money he earns into 
                         a savings account, uh, which will earn 
                         interest, and by the year 3045 be worth 
                         billions of dollars, uh which of course 
                         in the future will be worth only hundres 
                         of dollars, but uh enough, he says, 
                         to feed his family.
 
                                     AARON BROWN
                         And now I understand we're going to 
                         Harrison Moore, uh, for an explanation 
                         on how the time portal works. Harrison?
 
                         
                                     HARRISON MOORE
                          Aaron, I'm standing at the time border 
                         which scientists say follow Terminator 
                         rules. That is, it's one way only and 
                         you can't go back. This is in contrast, 
                         say, to Back To The Future rules, where 
                         back and forth is possible, and of course, 
                         Timerider rules, which are just plain 
                         silly. Anyway, it appears that the man 
                         from the future is here to stay.
 
               [Later, Stan returns home. He enters with his shovel]

                                     STAN
                         Mom, Dad! Did you see? They found a 
                         man from the future!
 
                                     RANDY
                         We know, Stanley. We've been watching.
 
                         
                                     AARON BROWN
                         If you're just joining us, a man from 
                         over two thousand years into the future 
                         has come through a one-way time portal 
                         looking for work. Uh, the President 
                         is expected to give an announcement 
                         at any time.
 
                                     HARRISON MOORE
                         Breaking news here at the time portal, 
                         Aaron. It appears that another person 
                         from the future has just arrived!  It 
                         looks as if the job at Wendy's did work 
                         for the original immigrant; this second 
                         arrivee claims that man's family is 
                         now much better off, and wishes the 
                         same for his family.
 
               [Stan's house, night. Sharon puts Stan to bed and tucks him in.]
 
               
                                     SHARON
                         There you go. All set, sweetie?

                                     STAN
                         Mom, can we go try to see the people 
                         from the future? I have a bunch of questions 
                         I wanna ask 'em.
 
                                     SHARON
                         I'm sure a lot of people do, hon. It's 
                         pretty exciting, isn't it? Now, you 
                         just get some sleep.  You've had a busy 
                         day.  Goodnight, sweetie.
 
                                     STAN
                         Night, Mom.  Wow, two people from the 
                         future. How cool.
 
               [Interstate 285 looking north, twilight fading to night. The 
               highway sign begins to shake violently and then crackle with 
               lightning. The camera pans to the right and more lightning is 
               seen until it reaches the portal. A flash of light follows, and 
               an alien steps forth from the sphere. Another flash brings forth 
               another alien. Another flash brings forth a third alien. Another 
               flash brings forth his wife, another flash brings forth their 
               daughter, and another flash brings forth their son. Another flash 
               brings forth another alien. They head for the highway, which 
               is busy now. They all make their way across, avoiding being struck 
               as they cross the lanes]
 
               [South Park, day. The boys once agani make their rounds as shovelers 
               and stop at a house. Stan rings the doorbell, the door opens, 
               and a different woman greets them]
 
                                     WOMAN 2
                         Yes?

                                     STAN
                         Hello, Mrs. Landis. Would you like snow-shoveling 
                         service again today?
 
                                     MRS. LANDIS
                         Ooo, oh dear, I'm sorry boys, but I've 
                         already hired someone else to do it.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         What?? Who??

                                     MRS. LANDIS
                         One of those immigrants from the future. 
                         He said he would do it for twenty-five 
                         cents.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Twenty-five cents? Well that's not even 
                         worth it.
 
                                     STAN
                         All right guys, come on. Let's go to 
                         the next house. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Dude. 

                                     STAN
                          Son of a bitch!

               [CNN News Brief. An image of a family from the future is shown, 
               with the caption above reading "Time Immigrants"]
 
                                     AARON BROWN
                         Still more immigrants from the future 
                         arrived at the time border today, some 
                         even bringing their entire families. 
                         the purplish goo that they have on their 
                         bodies when they arrive is an ectoplasmic 
                         side effect of the time-travel process. 
                         This is all giving scientists a great 
                         opportunity to learn even more about 
                         American life in the future. Chris Holt 
                         joins us now. Chris?
 
                                     CHRIS HOLT
                          Yes, there are incredible things we're 
                         learning about Americans in the future, 
                         Aaron. Eh it appears that in the future, 
                         Americans have evolved into a hairless 
                         uniform mix of all races. They are all 
                         one color, which is a yellowy light-brownish 
                         whitish color. Uh it seems race is no 
                         longer an issue in the future, because 
                         all ethnicities have mixed into one. 
                         Perhaps most interesting is how this 
                         has affected their language. The people 
                         in the future speak a complete mix of 
                         English, Chinese, Turkish and, indeed, 
                         all world languages, which sounds something 
                         like this:  Back to you, Aaron.
 
                                     AARON BROWN
                         Apparently the people from the future 
                         are having a pretty easy time finding 
                         work. Since they offer to work for such 
                         low wages, they're being hired all over 
                         America.
 
               [A meeting has assembled somewhere. Two flags hang from the back 
               of the meeting room, one of them American, the other of Colorado. 
               Men from all walks of life argue amongst themselves]
 
                                     MAN 1
                          This is bullcrap! I ain't standin' 
                         for this!
 
                                     MAN 2
                          All right, folks, my name is Darryl 
                         Weathers and I'm with the Construction 
                         Workers' Union. I work with a lot of 
                         fine men who have families to feed. 
                         Now I don't know about you all, but 
                         we worked long and hard to get our pay 
                         up to a level where we could make a 
                         decent living. And now these people 
                         from the future are showin' up and offerin' 
                         to do the same work for next to nothin'! 
                         They took our jobs!! 
 
                                     MAN 3
                          We're in the moving business! Fourteen 
                         years we've been workin' our butts off! 
                         Now these future folk come in and we 
                         can't get work nowhere! They took our 
                         jobs!
 
                                     MAN 4
                         They took your jobs! 

                                     MAN 5
                         Well what about us in the fast-food 
                         business?! The restaurants are firing 
                         us 'cause the future people work for 
                         a lot less! They took our jobs!!
 
                                     OTHER MEN
                          They took your jobs!

                                     STAN
                          It's affecting kids too! Me and my 
                         friends started our own snow-shoveling 
                         business. We were trying to be responsible 
                         and make money, you know? But then the 
                         people came along and, and now we're 
                         out of work too!  Oh, they took our 
                         jobs!!
 
                                     OTHER MEN
                          They took yer jobs!!

               [Interstate 285 looking north, twilight fading to night. The 
               highway sign is shown, but the camera pulls back to show a new 
               CAUTION sign showing an entire family crossing. The signs begin 
               to sway back and forth violently and crackle with lightning. 
               The portal is shown, but now it expands so the people from the 
               future swarm into the present en masse.]
 
               [South Park, night. At Stan's house, Rand and Sharion are at 
               the sofa reading. Sharon reads a book, Randy reads the paper. 
               Stan enters from the front. Sharon spots him]
 
                                     SHARON
                         Stanley, it's almost eight o'clock. 
                         Where have you been?
 
                                     STAN
                         I was at a rally to protest all the 
                         immigrants from the future coming in 
                         and tryin' tuh- 
 
                                     SHARON
                         Oh yes, the laundry machine is down 
                         in the basement and our son is home. 
                         Could you please set the table for dinner? 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                          Who is that?

                                     RANDY
                         That's our new housekeeper, Mrs.  Gruhd. 
                         She's gonna help around the house on 
                         Tuesdays and Thursdays.  And she'll 
                         do it for ten cents an hour.
 
                                     STAN
                         Oh, but that's the problem! Those goobacks 
                         are taking our jobs!
 
                                     SHARON
                         What??

                                     RANDY
                         Oh my God!  Stan Marsh, how dare you 
                         use that time-bashing slur?!
 
                                     SHARON
                         Who taught you to talk like that?!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Well dude, they are taking people's 
                         jobs away.
 
                                     RANDY
                         They're only taking the small menial 
                         jobs that nobody else really wants to 
                         do.
 
                                     STAN
                         I wanted my job!

                                     RANDY
                         Hey, Stanley, you need to understand 
                         something: Those people from the future 
                         have had a hard life! Where they come 
                         from is dirty and overpopulated and 
                         poor! You can't even imagine the kind 
                         of depression they come from! So for 
                         us, who have everything sooo good, to 
                         judge them, is wrong! Do you understand?! 
                         Next time you think about calling them 
                         goobacks, you might just wanna stop 
                         for a second and think about how crappy 
                         the future really is!
 
                                     SHARON
                         That's right! We're not raising our 
                         son to be an ignorant timecist.
 
                                     STAN
                         Timecist?

                                     SHARON
                         You know, a racist, but against people 
                         from the-
 
                                     STAN
                         People from the future. Right, got it.
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         All right, good. Now, let's all go eat 
                         some of Mrs. Gruhd's great future cooking.
 
                         
               [The O'Reilly Factor]

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         And now, here is Bill O'- Reilly.

                                     BILL O'REILLY
                          Welcome welcome to the No-Spin Zone, 
                         all right? And what we're talkin' about 
                         today are the immigrants from the future. 
                         All right? Now, most people are more 
                         than happy to give a helping hand to 
                         these people who obviously need it. 
                         All right? But others are starting to 
                         say that the time portal should be closed 
                         off. All right? Now, I've got two guests 
                         with me tonight who have opposing views 
                         on the matter. On my right is pissed-off 
                         white-trash redneck conservative.
 
                         
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Thanks for having me, Bill.

                                     BILL O'REILLY
                         And on my left is aging hippie liberal 
                         douche.
 
                                     DOUCHE
                         Hello.

                                     BILL O'REILLY
                         Now, pissed-off redneck, you say we 
                         shouldn't allow anyone else through 
                         the time portal, aright?
 
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         You're Goddamned right! These people 
                         from the future are takin' all the work 
                         away from us decent present-day Americans! 
                          They took our jobs!
 
                                     SKYNARD MAN
                         They took our jobs!

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Those jobs belong to people from the 
                         present!
 
                                     BILL O'REILLY
                         Aright. What say you, aging hippie liberal 
                         douche
 
                                     DOUCHE
                         Heh it's typical for conservatives rednecks 
                         like these to view the immigrants as 
                         the problem, heh, but really, the problem 
                         is America. It is our greedy multinational 
                         corporations that keep everyone else 
                         in poverty. Your ancestors came to America 
                         as immigrants. What right do you have 
                         to turn these people away?
 
                                     BILL O'REILLY
                         Aright, redneck, your rebuttal?

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                          They took our jobs!

                                     SKYNARD MAN
                         They took our jobs!

                                     STOUT MAN
                          Too-kourderb!

               [South Park Elementary, day. The school bell rings and the students 
               are in their seats. So are a lot of new immigrant students]
 
               
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         All right, children, the school board 
                         has mandated that I must now teach class 
                         in both present-day English and Futurespeak.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         What?!

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         So, with that in mind, let's continue 
                         our lessons on verbs. Remember that 
                         there are transitive verbs such as  
                         "The boy threw the red ball," which 
                         in Futurespeak of course, is  Everyone 
                         say it with me?  Aaand there are intransitive 
                         verbs, such as  "The 11:15 bus from 
                         Denver arrived twelve hours late." Or 
                         in Futurespeak, "Vvut."
 
                                     THE KIDS
                         "Vvut."

                                     KYLE
                         Dude, hold on! This is bullcrap! If 
                         they wanna live in our time, then they 
                         should learn our language!
 
                                     CRAIG
                         Yeah!

                                     STAN
                         That's right! 

                                     DOUCHE
                          Hey now, these immigrants have a right 
                         to retain their culture. Who are we 
                         to say our language is best? They deserve 
                         to have an education just as much as 
                         you do.
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Thank you, aging hippie liberal douche.
 
                         
                                     DOUCHE
                         You betcha. 

                                     TIMMY
                         Timmih.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Okay, now let's get back to it, kids. 
                         What kind of verb is this?  "The sad 
                         girl puts balls in her mouth." Or, in 
                         Futurespeak of course, "Gluch gligh 
                         balls glych gligh."
 
               [Back at the meeting room, the unemployed men gather for another 
               rally against the immigrants from the future.]
 
                                     MAN A
                         This is bullcrap!

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Listen up, everybody! We've just received 
                         a reply from our congressman.  "Dear 
                         intolerant rednecks, we sympathize with 
                         you all losing your jobs. However, we 
                         feel your solution of shooting everyone 
                         who crosses the time border is inhumane."
 
                         
                                     MAN B
                         What? That's ridiculous!

                                     MAN C
                         They can't do that!

                                     MAN D
                         That was a good idea!

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         So it appears the government ain't gonna 
                         help us! Which means we gotta take matters 
                         into our own hands! The only way to 
                         stop people from the future is to stop 
                         the future from happening!
 
                                     MAN 3
                         Hey that's right! If there is no future, 
                         then there'll be no people from the 
                         future to come back and take our jobs!
 
                         
                                     MAN 6
                         Take rjurbs

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         All right! So, any ideas how we can 
                         stop the future from happening? 
 
                                     CHET
                         How about we cause more global warming, 
                         so that in the future, the polar ice 
                         caps melt, and and it ushers in a new 
                         ice age?
 
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                          How the hell is global warming gonna 
                         cause an ice age?!
 
                                     CHET
                         Well you know, the... global warming 
                         could bring on like a climate shift 
                         or somethin'?
 
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Chet, you are a fuckin' retard, you 
                         know that?! Even if global warming were 
                         real, which all proven scientific data 
                         shows it isn't, it would take millions 
                         of years for a climate shift to happen! 
                         You think an ice age can just happen 
                         all of a sudden-like?
 
                                     CHET
                         Well I was just tryin' to be helpful.
 
                         
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Well help yourself to a fuckin' science 
                         book, 'cause you're talkin' like a fuckin' 
                         retard! Now, come on people, we've got 
                         to think! Damnit, they took our jaorbs!
 
                         
                                     MEN
                          They took our jobs!

               [South Park, day. The boys walk down the commercial district 
               noticing immigrants from time to time. Various immigrants greet 
               them and try to sell them fruits, but the boys walk on. A hovering 
               futuristic car comes up next to them, sets down, and bounces 
               the front end up and down like a lowrider. The driver then activates 
               the hydraulics and the car begins to dance. The boys just look 
               in wonder as the car settles down and then moves off. Its exhaust 
               hits the boys' faces and they cough. Next, the boys head for 
               a Wendell's Burgers restaurant. They enter and head for the counter]
 
               
                                     KYLE
                         Aw, dude. 

                                     CASHIER
                         Gaur da'ka?

                                     STAN
                         Can you speak in present-day English 
                         please?
 
                                     CASHIER
                         Uh oh... Can I help... you?

                                     STAN
                         Uh yeah, I want a double cheeseburger 
                         and fries.
 
                                     CASHIER
                          Chicken sandwich?

                                     STAN
                          No, a double cheeseburger and fries!
 
                         
                                     CASHIER
                          A cheeg- fry?

                                     STAN
                         What?!

                                     CASHIER
                         A cheeg- fry?

                                     CARTMAN
                         We can't understand you, asshole! 
 
                         
                                     MANAGER
                         Can I help you?

                                     STAN
                         I'm trying to order a double cheeseburger!
 
                         
                                     MANAGER
                          Chicken sandwich?

                                     STAN
                         No, it's not a chicken sandwich!  I 
                         want a Goddamned cheeseburger and some 
                         Goddamned fries you fucking goobacks!
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         Stan Marsh!

                                     STAN
                         Aw-awwww.

               [Back at the rally...]

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Come on, people, think! How are we gonna 
                         stop these immigrants from takin' our 
                         jobs!
 
                                     MAN 3
                         Hey, I got an idea. Uh maybe we should 
                         all take off all our clothes, scramble 
                         into a big pile and start gettin' gay 
                         with each other.
 
                                     CHET
                         Did you say "get gay"?

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Hey yeah. Well that's not a bad idea!
 
                         
                                     MAN 7
                         What? Gettin' gay?

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Think about it: These people are from 
                         the future, right? Well, if we can git 
                         everyone to turn queer, then there won't 
                         be no children to have no children, 
                         and the people from the future won't 
                         exist to take our jobs!
 
                                     JIMBO
                         I ain't turnin' queer.

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         You have to, Jimbo, or else we won't 
                         be able to stop them! They too 'r jaobs!
 
                         
                                     MAN 2
                         Yeah, they took our jobs!

                                     MAN 8
                          Took our jobs!

                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                          Let's go over to that part of town 
                         that all the future people moved into 
                         and start humpin' each other until they 
                         disappear! Come on!  Come on! You want 
                         your jobs back or not?! 
 
               [Welcome to Little Future. This part of South Park is congested 
               and built upwards. Parts of it are rundown. The drivers there 
               all drive hovercars. Some kids dance around on a stoop as adults 
               walk by]
 
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                          All right, you future bastards! Think 
                         you can take our jubs?! Well, we'll 
                         show you! Come'ere, Earl!.  How do you 
                         like that, gooback?!  Come on, you guys! 
                          Everyone who believes in America, join 
                         in with us! We're gonna make these future 
                         bastards nonexistent!
 
               [South Park Center for Seismic Activity. Randy arrives for work 
               with Stan in tow]
 
                                     STAN
                         Aw, come on, Dad! How come I have to 
                         go to work with you?
 
                                     RANDY
                         Because you're being grounded, Stanley! 
                         Now I don't wanna hear another word 
                         out of your intolerant mouth!  You just 
                         sit right there, Stanley, and you thnk 
                         about what you've done! 
 
                                     BOSS
                         You'll find all the copiers and printers 
                         in the next room over and then uh-
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         Hey, Mr. Nelson.

                                     MR. NELSON
                         Oh... R-Randy... Uh I'm surprised to 
                         see you here.
 
                                     RANDY
                         Why? This is my office.

                                     MR. NELSON
                         Ooohh boy, didn't you get my phone message? 
                         Ooo, this is awkward. Well, the thing 
                         is, Randy, you've been- replaced.
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         What?

                                     MR. NELSON
                         Well we found an immigrant from the 
                         future who knows geology and he offered 
                         to work for next to nothing. Uh, this 
                         is Mr. Glughgogawk.
 
                                     MR. GLUGHGOGAWK
                         Gheglo.

                                     RANDY
                         You can't be serious.

                                     MR. NELSON
                         I'm... sssorry, Randy. It's just, with 
                         all the budget cuts and all, we'll give 
                         you some tmie to clean out your desk. 
                         Follow me, Mr. Glughgogawk. I'll show 
                         you to the copy room. 
 
                                     RANDY
                         Oh my God. They took my jarb!!

                                     STAN
                         They took yer jarb!!

               [CNN Breaking News]

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         This is CNN.

                                     AARON BROWN
                         Breaking news at the time border. We 
                         go now live to Harrison Moore.
 
                                     HARRISON MOORE
                         Aaron, I'm standing at the time border 
                         where some kind of mass protest has 
                         broken out.  Hundreds of men who have 
                         lost their jobs to time immigrants are 
                         here having sex with one another.  These 
                         men have apparently sucked and screwed 
                         their way across the state and are now 
                         here at the time border trying to get 
                         national attention. These unemployed 
                         men have been having sex for several 
                         days. Joining me is their spokesperson, 
                         Randy Marsh.  Mr. Marsh, what exactly 
                         are you trying to accomplish?
 
                                     RANDY
                         We're doing the only thing we can do. 
                         If our government is just gonna let 
                         anybody into our time who wants to come, 
                         then we have to take matters into our 
                         own hands.  We're trying to turn everyone 
                         gay so that there are no future humans! 
                         Present-day America Number One!
 
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Yeah America! 

                                     MAN 8
                         Take our jobs!

                                     HARRISON MOORE
                         Do you really think you can get enough 
                         people to turn gay to destroy the future 
                         of humanity?
 
                                     RANDY
                         All we can do is try, Harrison.

                                     DOUCHE
                          Trying to stop immigration is intolerant 
                         and ignorant. Those immigrants have 
                         a right to pursue happiness.
 
                                     HARRISON MOORE
                          Young man, what do you think about 
                         all this?
 
                                     STAN
                         I I think it's wrong to call them goobacks 
                         because they're no different from us. 
                          They're just humans trying to make 
                         their lives better. Look, it sucks that 
                         the immigrants' time is so crappy, but 
                         the cold hard truth is that if we let 
                         them all come back to our time, then 
                         it's just gonna make our time crappy 
                         too. Maybe the answer isn't trying to 
                         stop the future from happening, but 
                         making the future better. 
 
                                     MAN 9
                          Huh?

                                     STAN
                         I mean, maybe if we all commit right 
                         now to working toward a better future, 
                         then, then the future won't be so bad, 
                         and, these immigrants won't need to 
                         come back here looking for work.
 
                                     MAN 10
                          Hey. He's right. If we build for a 
                         better future, the immigrants will stay 
                         there.
 
                                     MAN 11
                         Yeah. We've got to start working towards 
                         a brighter tomorrow.
 
                                     RANDY
                         Well what are we waiting for?

               [Montage of green living. First scene is a group of men planting 
               trees. Next scene is a group of people at a recycling center 
               watching Mr. Garrison toss in his bag of spent aluminum cans. 
               Mr. Slave then tosses in his load. Next scene has the boys, Randy, 
               and Weathers bringing food to African tribesmen. Next scene has 
               the boys helping Randy and Weathers paint a wooden fence white. 
               Next scene is a newly-minted wind farm in South Park made by 
               the townspeople. Stan and Shelley look at each other, smiling. 
               Next scene has Weathers plugging his electric car into an outlet 
               next to the garage door as others watch. Next scene has Stan 
               bringing a gift to the towm bum. A bunch of adults follow him 
               proudly. Next scene has some of the kids and many of the adults 
               swaying gently to some music]
 
                                     SINGER
                         We've got to work for a better future, 
                         we've got to join hands for tomorrow.
 
                         
               Take the first step and you will see the future begins with you 
               and me.
 
               We can start to make a difference if we want it for our children
 
               
               Recycle that can and plant that tree, 'cause the future begins 
               with you and me.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Look, it's working! 

                                     SINGER
                         The future begins with you and me.
 
                         
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         The immigrants are fadin' away!

                                     STAN
                         We're doing it!

               [Next scene shows the townfolk cleaning up a meadow. Next scene 
               has the Marshes watching Weathers and an assistant install solar 
               panels on the Marshes' roof. Last scene has the townsfolk tilling 
               ground at a farm]
 
                                     SINGER
                         We've got to work for a better future, 
                         we've got to join hands for tomorrow.
 
                         
               Take the first step and you will see the future-

                                     STAN
                         Dude, wait wait ho, hold on. Wait a 
                         second.  This is gay.
 
                                     KYLE
                          This is really gay.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, this is even gayer than all the 
                         men getting in a big pile and having 
                         sex with each other.
 
                                     STAN
                         Okay, sorry, my bad, e-everyone back 
                         in the pile. 
 
                                     DARRYL WEATHERS
                         Back in the pile everyone!

                                     RANDY
                         We're going back to the pile.

                                     MAN 12
                         Jump in!

                                     MAN 13
                         Come on, everybody!

                                     MAN 14
                         Never mind, we're going back to the 
                         pile!
 
                                     MAN 15
                         Took ur jurb!

               THE END

Goobacks



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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