The Internet Movie Script Database (IMSDb)


The web's largest
movie script resource!

Search IMSDb

Alphabetical
# A B C D E F G H
I J K L M N O P Q
R S T U V W X Y Z

Genre
Action Adventure Animation
Comedy Crime Drama
Family Fantasy Film-Noir
Horror Musical Mystery
Romance Sci-Fi Short
Thriller War Western

Sponsor

TV Transcripts
Futurama
Seinfeld
South Park
Stargate SG-1
Lost
The 4400

International
French scripts

Movie Software
DVD ripper software offer
Rip from DVD
Rip Blu-Ray

Latest Comments
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith10/10
Star Wars: The Force Awakens10/10
Batman Begins9/10
Collateral10/10
Jackie Brown8/10

Movie Chat



ALL SCRIPTS





                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                      Episode 512


                            "HERE COMES THE NEIGHBORHOOD"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [South Park Elementary, day. Butters stands in front of the class 
               witha small volcano - his science experiment.]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         ...And so, just like in nature, ah I 
                         can add the mixture into the volcano 
                         and... 
 
               O Pele! God of Fire! Show us you uh-

               [the belching volcano draws his attention as it coughs up the 
               "lava"] Aw, it's all uh g-gooey.
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Okay, good job, Butters. You get a check.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Ah, thank you, Ms. Choksondik!  I got 
                         a check. That's like a C!
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Okay. Whose project should we look at 
                         next? How aboouuut Eric?  Eric Cartman?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Stand by, please.

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         NOW Eric!

                                     CARTMAN
                          Oh, God-damnit!

                                     KYLE
                         Haha

                                     CARTMAN
                         Shutup, Jew!  Yes, well. For my project, 
                         I made a pencil, taped to a pen. In 
                         this way we see the duality of writing 
                         devices that occur in nature.
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         You just put that thing together just 
                         now! I'm giving you a check minus.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh GOD-DAMNIT I HATE CHECK-MINUS!

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Siddown 

                                     CARTMAN
                          I'll make you eat your parents!

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         What did you say?!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Nothing! 

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Alright, Token, you're next. 

                                     TOKEN
                         Using my laptop computer, I hooked into 
                         the Internet and found a meteorology 
                         Web site.  I donwloaded the data, and 
                         with my dad's video projector, I can 
                         show you the graph I made of predictable 
                         weather patterns over the next three 
                         months. 
 
                                     CLYDE
                         Wwooww.

                                     TOKEN
                          I also printed out the results on my 
                         color printer. Here you are, Ms. Choksondik. 
                         
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Very very good, Token. You get a check 
                         plus.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Alright! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Aw, that is such bullcrap!

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                          Eric, for the love of God. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         No! No, see, this is the fundamental 
                         flaw with the check check-plus check-minus 
                         system! The only reason Token was able 
                         to do all that is because his family 
                         is rich!
 
                                     TOKEN
                         My family isn't rich.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh, come on, Token! Your new house is 
                         four times the size of anyone else's 
                         in town! And who else gets crab cakes 
                         and, and lobster tail in their lunch 
                         boxes?!
 
                                     STAN
                         Your family is rich, dude.

                                     TOKEN
                         But I...

                                     CARTMAN
                          Let's just see where Token's clothes 
                         come from, shall we?  Ooooo, Armani 
                         Exchange!
 
                                     KYLE
                         Aharmani Exchange?

                                     CARTMAN
                         All the rest of us have to buy our clothes 
                         at J mart! Have you even been inside 
                         a J mart, Token?!  I didn't think so! 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah, dude, your family is so rich they 
                         have their own pool table.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Yeah. And their own sprinkler system. 
                         You don't think you're rich? 
 
               [Token's house, after school. His parents are at the sofa. His 
               father reads a newspaper; his mother, a book. Token walks in]
 
               
                                     LINDA
                          Hello Token. How was school today?
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         Mom? Dad? Why do we have a bigger house 
                         than everybody else in South Park? 
 
                         
                                     BOB
                         Well, because we have more money, son.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         I know. But why?

                                     BOB
                         ...W-well, because we went to graduate 
                         school and therefore have more lucrative 
                         jobs than most people in town. For instance, 
                         your mother is a chemist for a pharmaceutical 
                         company, whereas your friend Eric Cartman's 
                         mother is a crack whore. One pays more 
                         than the other.
 
                                     LINDA
                         Why, sweetie? What's the matter?

                                     TOKEN
                         All the kids at school made fun of me 
                         today because I'm rich.
 
                                     BOB
                         ...Oh.

                                     TOKEN
                         I don't wanna be rich anymore! I wanna 
                         eat macaroni and cheese for dinner and, 
                         and and wear clothes from J mart!
 
                         
                                     LINDA
                          J mart?

                                     BOB
                          Son, you, you don't know what you're 
                         saying.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         I just wanna be like all the other kids 
                         in South Park. Please, Mom and Dad, 
                         please. 
 
               [J mart, later. A small SUV pulls into the J mart lot. Token 
               takes his first look at J mart. He is awed by it and pleased 
               at the chance to shop there.]
 
                                     BOB
                         You... sure you want to do this, son?
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         I'm sure. 

                                     LINDA
                         Hmmm...

                                     BOB
                         Where's the... valet?

                                     LINDA
                         He must be parkiing someone else's car.
 
                         
                                     BOB
                         Ah, here we go.  Take good care of it, 
                         please.  Here's twenty dollars.  Hoh? 
                          They've activated some kind of alien 
                         blinding device.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         That's not a blinding device, Dad. It's 
                         flourescent lighting.
 
                                     BOB
                          Oh.

                                     LINDA
                          Excuse me, where can where would we 
                         find young men's fashion apparel? 
 
                         
                                     OBESE WOMAN
                         Aisle 6, next to the pretzels.

                                     BOB
                          Next to the-?!

                                     TOKEN
                         Come on!  Hey look: there pants are 
                         only five bucks apiece. They must really 
                         suck. What do ya think?
 
                                     LINDA
                         What, what brand are they?

                                     TOKEN
                         It doesn't matter, Mom. They're poor 
                         people pants.
 
                                     RANDY
                          Hey, uh, Sharon? Isn't that the Williamses?
 
                         
                                     SHARON
                          Huh?  Oh. Yeah, it is.  What are they 
                         doing here? They can afford to shop 
                         at Cherry Creek. 
 
                                     LIANE
                         Do you see that, Sheila? The Williamses 
                         are shopping here.
 
                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         I don't get it. He must pull in at least 
                         two hundred thousand a year. 
 
                                     BOB
                         S-son, can you just hurry it up? I don't 
                         think we quite fit n here.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh, looks like you landed on Park Avenue, 
                         Stan. You own me ten million dollars.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                          Hey you guys. 

                                     STAN
                         Oh hey, dude. Did you bring the movie?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey, you changed your clothes, Token.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         Yeah, well, you know, I did a little 
                         shopping at J mart.
 
                                     STAN
                          Alright, well, let's just watch the 
                         Lion King. Cartman's cheating anyway. 
                         
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Here you go. 

                                     STAN
                          What's that?

                                     TOKEN
                         It's a DVD of the Lion King

                                     STAN
                         DVD? We don't own a DVD player.

                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, dude.  Nobody does. They're too 
                         expensive.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Not too expensive for Token's rich ass 
                         family, apparently. 
 
                                     CRAIG
                         Don't you have a VHS of it?

                                     TOKEN
                         I only have this.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Oh, well, let me take this disk up 
                         to the Enterprise and see if Captain 
                         Kirk can decrypt it. 
 
                                     TOKEN
                         What's a VHS?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh, Jesus, dude. 

                                     STAN
                         Come on, guys. We'll jsut have to find 
                         other stuff to do. 
 
                                     KYLE
                          What's a VHS? 

               [Token looks at the DVD, then at the boys, then at the DVD. He 
               lets the DVD case fall to the floor on top of the DVD and leaves 
               the house. Music comes up as he leaves the Marsh house]
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Why can't I be like all the other kids?
 
                         
               [sees Kenny and brother Kevin playing on their lawn. Kenny is 
               flying around getting dizzy while Kevin plays with a deflated 
               basketball.]
 
               They all have three-bedroom homes, broken trucks on their lawns. 
               
 
               [hops onto a wooden box and peeks in - he sees Butters eating]
 
               
               And cut-up hot dogs for lunch

               It's not my fault my parents succeed so much. 

               [leaves the window and walks over to Stark's Pond, then sits 
               and pulls out a dollar coin from a small collection. The pond 
               has thawed, and lily pods can be seen on the water. Token tosses 
               the coin, and it skips across the water. He then walks on and 
               stops across the street from the South Park Welfare Office. Craig 
               and his family leave the office with their welfare check as Cartman 
               and mom walk in.]
 
               There's no one in town I can relate to.

               I play with autographed baseball bats 

               [he fades into a baseball uniform and holds a bat with Barry 
               Bonds' signature on it]
 
               while everyone else just plays with sticks and pine cones 

               [across the street he sees a baseball game, with Kyle pitching, 
               Cartman catching, Stan at bat, Clyde in left field, and three 
               other boys. Sticks and cones are being used. Stan hits the cone. 
               It sails away and Stan rounds the bases]
 
               Has a boy ever felt so alone? 

               [drops his bat and glove and walks away, then stops and gets 
               a look of determination.]
 
               Well, who needs them anyway? I won't pretend to be something 
               I'm not 
 
               [rushes home and goes to his desk to work on something - a 2-page 
               tabloid ad extolling South Park as the next Aspen]
 
               If I can't be poor, I've got to deal with what I've got.

               If I can't be like them, what I need is more rich kids around,
 
               
               So I'm not the only one, and then I won't be so... down. 

               [he finishes, puts the ad into a sturdy envelope addressed to 
               Forbes Magazine Department with some bills, and goes to the window 
               to look at the sunset. Outside, the camera pulls back from the 
               window]
 
               Please, God, send more rich kids...

               To my...

               Town 

               [As the camera pulls back, Token's house is shown to be big indeed, 
               with a three- or four-car garage set back some distance from 
               the street. To the right, two more houses appear, but they are 
               small next to the Williams house.]
 
               [Next shot, a mansion in the Hollywood Hills. An address is shown]
 
               
               Will Smith

               17804 Beverly Estates

               Hollywood Hills, CA. 90046

               [the camera pulls back to show Smith reading Forbes Magazine]
 
               
                                     WILL SMITH
                         Ooo, look at this, honey.  A beautiful 
                         unspoiled town in the Rockies. This 
                         is just what we've been looking for!
 
                         
                                     JADA PINKETT SMITH
                         "Like Aspen was 30 years ago." Sounds 
                         nice.
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         We could buy hundreds of acres of land 
                         for next to nothing! And then I could 
                         finally live like a cowboy.
 
                                     JADA PINKETT SMITH
                         Oh Will, the country would be such a 
                         nicer place to raise our kids!
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         O kids? 

                                     OLDER BOY
                         Yes, Daddy?

                                     WILL SMITH
                         How would you like to move to the Colorado 
                         Rockies?
 
                                     OLDER BOY
                         The mountains, Daddy?

                                     GIRL
                         Can we have horses?

                                     OLDER BOY
                         O can we? Can we Daddy?

                                     WILL SMITH
                         You bet!

                                     KIDS
                         Hooray!

               [South Park, soon after, day. A new four-story mansion rises 
               in a new lot. A crane positions the new fountain in a circular 
               driveway in front of the mansion. Token grins as he watches the 
               laborers work. A limosine and a moving truck pull up behind him. 
               Will Smith and family pour out of the limo]
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         Well, here it is. Our home to be.

                                     JADA PINKETT SMITH
                         Oh, Will, it's beautiful.

                                     TOKEN
                          Hi! Welcome to the neighborhood!

                                     WILL SMITH
                         Why thank you, young man. We're the 
                         Smiths.
 
                                     OLDER BOY
                         Ah, a local boy. You shall be our nwe 
                         playmate. I'm Frederick. This is my 
                         sister Lisa, and my brother Daniel 
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         I'm Token.

                                     LISA
                         Our daddy is a very famous actor. What 
                         does your daddy do?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Aah, he's a lawyer. I think.

                                     WILL SMITH
                         How quaint. Kids, why don't you play 
                         with little Token while your mother 
                         and I check out the town.
 
                                     FREDERICK
                         Very well. Come, local boy.  Show us 
                         how to play your mountain games.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         All right!  Thanks, God. 

               [Token's mansion, later. Token leads the Smith kids on a tour 
               of the mansion]
 
                                     TOKEN
                         ...And this is the room where my mom 
                         and dad keep their original v-Van Gogh 
                         painting.
 
                                     FREDERICK
                         Yes, yes, we have one of those, too. 
                         In fact, we have seven of them, I believe.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                          You do? God, that's great!

                                     DANIEL
                         Why?

                                     TOKEN
                         I'm just so happy you guys moved into 
                         town. You see, I used to be the only 
                         rich kid. All the other families here 
                         are kinda  low to  middle-income.
 
                         
                                     LISA
                         Why? What happened to all their money?
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         Well, they never really had any money.
 
                         
                                     LISA
                         Well, then, why don't their daddies 
                         just act in a movie?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Well I... think that.. they...

                                     FREDERICK
                         Sometimes children must be very firm 
                         with their daddies.
 
                                     LISA
                         Indeed.

                                     FREDERICK
                         Like when Daddy doesn't want to act 
                         in a movie because he thinks the script 
                         is bad.
 
                                     LISA
                         So we must plead with him:  "Please, 
                         Daddy, please! It's twenty million dollard, 
                         Daddy."
 
                                     DANIEL
                          "Please, Daddy, please!"

                                     FREDERICK
                          "Twenty million is still twelve million 
                         after taxes, Daddy!"
 
                                     LISA
                         "I want a llama, Daddy!"

                                     FREDERICK
                         "I'd do the picture, Daddy!"

                                     LISA
                         "Please, Daddy!"

                                     FREDERICK
                         "Daddy, please!"

                                     LISA
                         "Daddy, do the movie, Daddy!"

                                     DANIEL
                         "But Daddy!" 

                                     FREDERICK
                         And so Daddy does the picture.

                                     TOKEN
                         ...That's ...great.

                                     LISA
                         Twenty million dollars great.

               [A recording studio. A rapper is laying down some tracks.]

                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         I found a girl who had an innie and 
                         I felt her with my jimmy
 
               Player-haters try to do me 'cause my rhymes are just tooo-

                                     ENGINEER
                         Sorry, Snoop Dogg, but Will Smith is 
                         on line three for you?
 
                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         Oh.  William! How are you buddy?

                                     WILL SMITH
                          Great, Snoop Dogg, and you?

                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         Couldn't be better. I'm just laying 
                         down some vocals for my new album.
 
                         
                                     WILL SMITH
                          Great, Snoop-Snoop. Listen: Remember 
                         how we always talked about wanting to 
                         buy property up in the mountains so 
                         our kids could ski and ride horses?
 
                         
                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         Oho yes, the kids bug me about it all 
                         the time.
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         Well I found the place, Snooty-roo. 
                         It's in the Rockies, but totally undiscovered, 
                         laid-back, and beautiful.
 
                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         Ogh. It sounds lovely!

                                     WILL SMITH
                         You really should come give it a look. 
                         Jada and I would love for some friends 
                         to move here with us.
 
                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         I certainly will, William. And perhaps 
                         I'll give ol' Maigc and Kobe Bryant 
                         a call. They've been looking for vacation 
                         properties as well.
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         Great! Well, let me let you get back 
                         to your recording.
 
                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         Hah, see you soon. Bye. 

                                     WILL SMITH
                         Bye. 

                                     SNOOP DOGG
                         Alright, let's take it from the top, 
                         gang. 
 
               I shout "Hell Yeah!" from my vehicle. Livin' is a miracle-

               [South Park, day. Another rich family moves into town. Jimbo, 
               Ned, and Mr. Garrison watch from across the street.]
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Look, there's more of them moving into 
                         our town.  You know, Oprah Winfrey is 
                         building a house up on Cannon, and some 
                         Snoop Doggy Doo Doo buildin' a gigantic 
                         place up on Main.
 
                                     JIMBO
                         Yep, there goes the neighborhood. 
 
                         
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         That's the fifth family of them that's 
                         moved here. Seems like all of a sudden 
                         South Park is being overrun by those 
                         types.
 
                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         Hey! W-what are you saying? What "types"?
 
                         
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Yiou know, those types! Rich people! 
                         
 
                                     JIMBO
                         Oh. I don't take kindly to rich folk. 
                         Neither does Ned.
 
                                     NED
                         Nnnope.

                                     JIMBO
                         I remember back in the day, RICH folk 
                         weren't alLOWED in South Park! Now thery're 
                         movin' here in droves!
 
                                     SKEETER
                         They're gonna be sending their kids 
                         to our schools, and mixin' them with 
                         our pure, non-rich kids!
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Oh, yeah, and it won't be long before 
                         they drove all of us poor underachieving 
                         people out of town with inflated real-estate 
                         costs!
 
                                     SKEETER
                         Damn, I hate those stupid richers!
 
                         
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Yeah.  Hey, rich guy!  Hey, Richie Rich! 
                         Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, richer! What's 
                         in the huge box, richer?! Your checkbook? 
                         
 
                                     JIMBO
                         Yeah. How many rich people does it take 
                         to screw in a light bulb? None! They 
                         can hire people to do it for them! 
 
                         
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Yeah. Hey, hey, you guys know why richers 
                         have such big garages? 'Cause they need 
                         a place for all their Porsches and boats 
                         and aircraft carriers!  Yeah, that's 
                         right, cashchucker! Go have fun with 
                         your two million dollar house! 
 
                                     JIMBO
                         I guess we showed them!

               [Another house, nearby. A crane is positioning a swimming pool. 
               Oprah Winfrey directs the workers from the edge of the lawn]
 
               
                                     OPRAH WINFREY
                         A little to the left. That's great and- 
                         Let's put another pool over there.  
                         Uh huh, good. 
 
                                     FREDERICK
                         Token, these are Oprah's newly-adopted 
                         children, Dominique and Zizi.
 
                                     DOMINIQUE AND ZIZI
                         Hello. 

                                     TOKEN
                         Hi.

                                     A BOY
                          Cheerio!

                                     FREDERICK
                         Ah, and these are Puff Daddy's kids: 
                         P Diddy Mini, P Poofy Bite-size, and 
                         Poppa Diddy Diddy Puff Fun-size.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Wow, my plan to get rich people here 
                         sure did work. Hey, I got a great idea! 
                         Let's all pack some lunches and go sledding.
 
                         
                                     LISA
                         Oh no, we're going shopping.

                                     THE KIDS
                          Shopping!

                                     FREDERICK
                         Yes, come Token. We're all going to 
                         head down to the mall and buy some of 
                         the stores. 
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Oh. Alright then. 

               [The local bar, night. It's pretty busy, with people chatting 
               away and enjoying their beer. Some motion is seen outside the 
               doors, and soon they open. Three rich men enter and scan the 
               bar, then move to a nearby table and sit. One of them is Kobe 
               Bryant]
 
                                     KOBE BRYANT
                         'Scuse me, can ew get a couple of beers 
                         here? 
 
                                     SKEETER
                         They've got nice expensive beers for 
                         you across the street at the new Wolfgang 
                         Puck's.
 
                                     KOBE BRYANT
                         That's alright, we just want some cheap 
                         beer tonight. 
 
                                     BARKEEP
                         ...Maybe you didn't see the sign out 
                         front: This bar is for people livin' 
                         below their means ONLY!
 
                                     MEN
                         Yeah!

                                     KOBE BRYANT
                         This is a free country. I can have a 
                         drink wherever I want.
 
                                     MAN 1
                          Come on, Kobe, let's just go.

                                     KOBE BRYANT
                         This ain't over! This ain't over by 
                         a long shot! 
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                          Those richers are getting snooty. We've 
                         got to show those richers they're not 
                         welcome here!
 
                                     NED
                         Nn-what do you mean?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         How about tonight, we sneak up to one 
                         of their houses, and right on their 
                         lawn we'll set fire to a big lowercase 
                         t!
 
                                     JIMBO
                         Lowercase t?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Yeah, for "time to leave"!

                                     BAR PATRONS
                         Yeah!

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Jimbo, you take some folk and build 
                         a big wooden lowercase t! I'll take 
                         the rest and get some gas and torches 
                         ready!
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Alright!

               [Kobe's mansion, night. Through a bay window he's seen reading 
               his newspaper in an armchair near a fireplace. A FOOM is heard 
               and a flicker of light is reflected on the walls outside Kobe's 
               house. He notices, takes a hard look, rises from his chair and 
               goes to the front door. He opens it, annoyed, but his expression 
               changes to one of fright. He sees the lowercase t burning on 
               the lawn]
 
                                     KOBE BRYANT
                         Tee. T- Time to- leave?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                          T is for "time to leave," cashchucker!
 
                         
                                     KOBE BRYANT
                         I'm callin' the police. 

                                     SKEETER
                         I think we scared 'im.

                                     JIMBO
                         Yeah. Next house we'll do a capital 
                         T, to show 'em we REALLY mean business!
 
                         
                                     MEN
                         Yeah!

               [South Park, new polo grounds, day. A group of rich kids gather 
               to begin a polo game. They all ride on ponies.]
 
                                     FREDERICK
                         Now Token, polo is very simple. You 
                         simply must hit the williard into some 
                         cilium with your fracaman.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Well, yeah, but can't we just play without 
                         these uncomfortable uniforms? 
 
                                     FREDERICK
                          "Can't we play without the uniforms?" 
                         Yes, um. Lert's eat caviar without Bellini's 
                         as well!  Now come, Token, and remeber: 
                         it doesn't matter who wins. It matters 
                         who wins three times in a row. Tally 
                         ho!
 
                                     PLAYERS
                         Tally ho!

                                     PLAYER 1
                         Oh!

                                     PLAYER 2
                         Yay!

                                     PLAYER 3
                         This is exciting.

                                     PLAYER 4
                         Oh, Frederick, this is wonderful!

                                     CARTMAN
                         What in the hell are they doing?

                                     KYLE
                         Is that fun?

                                     STAN
                         I don't know. We don't have horses, 
                         so we can't play.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, let's just play our game, then.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Alright.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Alright, I'll start. I'll kick you in 
                         the nuts, Kenny! 
 
                                     KENNY
                         (Ow!)

                                     KYLE
                         I'll kick you in the nuts, Stan! 

                                     STAN
                         I'll kick you in the nuts, Cartman! 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Kick his nutsack! 

                                     FREDERICK
                         You see, you must pay attention, Token. 
                         I was able to jollyrow your davishmere 
                         with a forecastle.
 
                                     TOKEN
                          This game is too confusing. How about 
                         we have a snowball fight?
 
                                     PLAYER
                         A snowball fight?

                                     LISA
                         How barbaric.

                                     FREDERICK
                         Yes, Token, if you want to play such 
                         savage games, I suggest you go live 
                         with lions. 
 
                                     TOKEN
                         I don't fit in anywhere.

               [South Park, another part of town. Bill Cosby and his two kids]
 
               
                                     BILL COSBY
                         -ar. We're going to the zoo, and we 
                         can eat Jerro pudding.  Ah, this is 
                         goin' to be fun kids. We're goin' to 
                         the zoo, we could eat the Jerro pudding 
                         and chocolate cake.
 
                                     PASSENGER 1
                         Hey! What are you doing? If you're going 
                         to ride the bus in South Park, you're 
                         gonna have to sit in the FRONT!
 
                                     PASSENGERS
                         Yeah

                                     PASSENGER 2
                         Yeah, that's where the first-class seating 
                         is! 
 
                                     PASSENGER 1
                         Yeah. How do you like that, richer?!
 
                         
                                     BILL COSBY
                         Well it's very nice, actually

                                     PASSENGER 1
                         Yeah, I'll bet it is!

                                     BILL COSBY
                         Very, very comfy.

                                     PASSENGER 1
                         Uh huh, looks like it.

               [A field, a while later. Token stands there talking to someone]
 
               
                                     TOKEN
                         Hello, my name is Token. I don't fit 
                         in with all the kids at South Park Elementary 
                         so, I invited a bunch of rich kids to 
                         move to town. The problem is, I don't 
                         fit in with them, either. That's why 
                         I've come to live with you.  So if you'll 
                         have me and raise me as one of your 
                         own, I promise to be the best lion I 
                         could be.  Uuuh, yeah.
 
               [Chef's house, day. Chef is seen shoveling snow off his driveway]
 
               
                                     CHEF
                         Shovel that snow, babih, it's all nice, 
                         heavy and wet. Just- 
 
                                     OPRAH WINFREY
                         You there, come march with us!

                                     CHEF
                         For what?

                                     OPRAH WINFREY
                         All the poor people in town think they 
                         can persecute and harass us decent rich 
                         folk.
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         So we're uniting and marching on the 
                         town square!
 
                                     KOBE BRYANT
                          The Million Millionaire March!

                                     OPRAH WINFREY
                         Come on, brother! 

                                     CHEF
                         But... I'm not rich.

                                     WILL SMITH
                          What? 

                                     CHEF
                         I'm just a school cafeteria chef. Ahah 
                         I don't make much money.
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         We'll give you a hundred dollars.

                                     CHEF
                         Woo, fudge the snow now. 

                                     CHEF
                          I shall perservere. We shall perservere.
 
                         
               [The lions' lair at the zoo, later. Token takes a raw steak and 
               bites into it, growling]
 
                                     TOKEN
                         RRrrr!! 

                                     GIRL
                          Look at the little black lion, Mommy. 
                         
 
                                     MOM
                         He's cute, isn't he? 

                                     TOKEN
                         Roar! 

                                     LION 1
                         What are you doing here, boy?

                                     TOKEN
                         You- you talked. I, I understood you. 
                         I must be becoming a lion!
 
                                     LION 2
                         You're not becoming a lion. The only 
                         way you can do that is to see Aslan.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         Who's Aslan?

                                     LION 1
                         Very well, walk this way. 

                                     ASLAN
                          Is this the boy who's been living in 
                         our realm?
 
                                     LION 2
                         Yes. 

                                     TOKEN
                         Are... you... Aslan?

                                     ASLAN
                         M-I am.

                                     TOKEN
                          Well, I'm Token

                                     ASLAN
                         So, you want to live with the lions, 
                         do you?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Yes. Um. Great Aslan. I don't fit in 
                         anywhere else.
 
                                     ASLAN
                         And what makes you think you can fit 
                         it with us?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Well, I don't know.

                                     ASLAN
                         Do you like jokes?

                                     TOKEN
                         What?

                                     ASLAN
                         Jokes! You know, funny, hahaaa. Us lions 
                         love jokes.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         ...I like jokes a lot.

                                     ASLAN
                         Mmm. Then there may be hoipe in you 
                         yet, young apprentice lion. Very well. 
                         We wihill let you stay, if... you can 
                         pull this thorn from my paw.  Go on, 
                         try it. Pull my thorn! Come on! Pull 
                         my thorm!  Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Ho ho! 
                         
 
                                     TOKEN
                         So can I stay?

                                     ASLAN
                         He-you may. But being a lion may be 
                         harder than you think.
 
               [The local bar, later. The bar patrons watch a TV as a report 
               is heard. Seen are Mr. Garrison, Randy, Stuart, Skeeter, Gerald, 
               Jimbo, and Ned.]
 
                                     REPORTER
                          A billion billionaires are gathering 
                         their ranks and will be marchng on the 
                         town square tonight  in South Park to 
                         petition the end of separate bars, bus 
                         seating and restaurants. It looks like 
                         it will be a great turnout, as some 
                         of the millionaires also paid several 
                         thousand Mexicans to march for them. 
                         
 
                                     SKEETER
                         If they get that petition passed, it's 
                         all over.
 
                                     JIMBO
                         I guess we learned our lesson: you can't 
                         fight rich folk; they're just too powerful.
 
                         
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Now, come on! Is that any way to talk?
 
                         
                                     SKEETER
                         They won, Garrison. They can't be scared 
                         out of town.
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         No! We just haven't scared them the 
                         right way! Think about it. What scares 
                         rich people more than anything? 
 
                                     JIMBO
                         ...Ghosts?

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Bingo! Rich people don't want to live 
                         in South Park if they think it's HAUNTED!
 
                         
                                     MEN
                         Yeah!

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Everyonen get some sheets from home! 
                         If we can't chase the richers out, we'll 
                         spook 'em out!
 
                                     MEN
                         Alright! Yeah! Let's Go! Right!

               [The zoo, lion's lair, night. The lions have eaten and lay about 
               on the boulders. One by one, they belch and the others laugh. 
               Token sets his bowl down...]
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Huuuunh  Aslan.

                                     ASLAN
                         Yes? What is it, young lion apprentice?
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         ...I thnk I'm gonna go home now.

                                     ASLAN
                         Home. But I thought your friends made 
                         fun of you at home.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         They do. But, I guess I learned something 
                         today. You see, even though kids at 
                         South Park make fun of me, I still like 
                         hanging around them more than snobby 
                         rich kids or, lions. Even though I may 
                         be different from them, I still like 
                         my old friends best.
 
                                     ASLAN
                         It sounds like you learned much, young 
                         lion apprentice. Very well. But before 
                         you go, perhaps you would like... a 
                         stick of gum?
 
                                     TOKEN
                          ...No thanks.

                                     ASLAN
                         Go on. It's spearmint!

                                     TOKEN
                         No, because there's a spring in there, 
                         and if I pull the gum out, it's gonna 
                         hurt my finger.
 
                                     ASLAN
                         Oh. So you don't want any gum then? 
                         Are you... sure? Go on, try it!
 
                                     TOKEN
                          Ow. 

                                     ASLAN
                          That is good stuhuff! 

                                     TOKEN
                          Jesus, lions suck!

               [South Park town square, night, in front of the Mayor's office. 
               The billionaires are present, and Will Smith is at the podium]
 
               
                                     WILL SMITH
                         And so it is with great determination 
                         that us decent rich Americans have gathered 
                         to say: "We will be separated no more!"
 
                         
                                     MILLIONAIRES
                         Hooray!

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         This certainly has been an enlightening 
                         evening. And as Mayor, I accept your 
                         petition and will abolish all separation 
                         laws.
 
                                     MILLIONAIRES
                         Yeah!

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                         And I want to assure the nation that 
                         is watching that South Park is not a 
                         town of prejudice or bigotry.
 
                                     VOICES
                         Woooooo!! 

                                     OPRAH WINFREY
                         What the-?

                                     MAYOR MCDANIELS
                          God no. 

                                     WILL SMITH
                         AAAaaahhh! 

                                     MILLIONAIRE 1
                         Carl, do you see what I see?

                                     CARL
                         Yes, Martin. I do believe this town 
                         is hainted. 
 
                                     WILL SMITH
                         Kids! Go find the limo and get in! 
 
                         
                                     SNOOP DOGG
                          You didn't tell me this town was hainted!
 
                         
                                     WILL SMITH
                         I didn't know!  I.. DIDN'T... KNOHOHOHOW... 
                         
 
                                     SKEETER
                         It's working!

                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         They're scared to death!

               [A mansion, the same one Mr. Garrison and the men saw earlier 
               as they commented on the new richers moving in, night. The family 
               rushes towrads the front door]
 
                                     MILLIONAIRE
                         Pack up your things quickly! We've got 
                         to get out of here! 
 
               [The town, night. "Ghosts" continue to chase the millionaires 
               around. In the background, Stan leads a group of boys down the 
               street. With him are Kyle, Cartman, Butters, Pip, Tweek, Clyde, 
               and Craig]
 
                                     STAN
                         Oh hey, there's Token. 

                                     TOKEN
                         Hey guys.

                                     STAN
                         Dude, we're gonna play football. Do 
                         you wanna play?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         You mean, you want me around?

                                     STAN
                         Sure, dude, you're our friend.

                                     TOKEN
                         Yeah, I know. But you guys always rip 
                         on me for bein' rich.
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, just because we rip on you for 
                         being rich doesn't mean we don't like 
                         you.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah. We're guys, dude. We find something 
                         about all our friends to rip on. We 
                         made fun of you for being rich just 
                         like we make fun of Butters for being 
                         wimpy.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         They sure do.

                                     STAN
                         Yeah, like we rip on Kyle for being 
                         a Jew.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Right.

                                     TOKEN
                         That's right, huh?

                                     KYLE
                         And Stan for being in love with Wendy.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Yeah, I get it for that.

                                     KYLE
                         And Cartman for being fat

                                     CARTMAN
                         Uh huh.

                                     KYLE
                         And Cartman for being stupid

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah.

                                     KYLE
                         And Cartman for having a whore for a 
                         mom.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey!

                                     KYLE
                         And Cartman for being a sadistic asshole
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Ey, you did me already!

                                     TOKEN
                         You're right, guys. From now on, I'm 
                         fine with being made fun of for being 
                         rich.
 
                                     STAN
                         Oh, but we're not gonna rip on you for 
                         being rich anymore.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         You're not?

                                     KYLE
                         No dude. Because since you got your 
                         feelings so hurt for being ripped on, 
                         now we think you're a pussy.
 
                                     STAN
                          Yeah, so now you're a pussy. Pussaholic.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                          Come on, Nurse Token. We're gonna play 
                         football, you puss.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Pussy. 

                                     BUTTERS
                          Heh yeah, later, puss.

                                     CRAIG
                          Ha, that guy's a pussy. 

                                     TOKEN
                          Wait! I liked being ripped on for being 
                         rich better! 
 
               [The rich enclave, later. The men of South Park have succeeded 
               in chasing the rich folks out of town, and they gather in front 
               of a mansion. They take off their sheets]
 
                                     SKEETER
                         That was it. We just saw the last of 
                         them speeding away in a van!
 
                                     MEN
                         Alright!

                                     KYLE'S FATHER
                         They were so scared, I'm sure they'll 
                         never be back!
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         That's great! And now we can sell all 
                         their homes, and become... millionaires!
 
                         
                                     MEN
                          What?

                                     JIMBO
                         But then you had us do all that for 
                         nothin'. Don't you see: If you get rich 
                         sellin' these homes, then there will 
                         still be rich people in South Park.
 
                         
                                     RANDY
                         Yeah. You'd become what you hate.

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Well yeah, but at least I got rid of 
                         all those damn ni-
 
               THE END

Here Comes The Neighborhood



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


User Comments







Index    |    Submit    |    Links    |    Link to us    |    RSS Feeds    |    Disclaimer    |    Privacy policy