"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 706
"LIL' CRIME STOPPERS"
Written by
Trey Parker
[South Park neighborhood, day. The boys walk up to Butters' house.
Stan knocks on the door. The door opens and Butters' father looks
out]
CHRIS
Yes? Oh, hello, boys.
CARTMAN
Hello, sir. South Park Junior Detectives.
We're wondering if you have any crimes
to be solved, for a dollar.
CHRIS
Oooo, little crime stoppers, huh? Well,
I'm afraid I don't have any crimes I
need solved right now.
KYLE
Awww, shit!
STAN
All right, sir, well, please call us
if you need anything.
CHRIS
I'll do that. Have fun, boys.
CARTMAN
Stupid assholes! How come nobody has
a crime to solve?
KYLE
Yeah, maybe starting a detective club
isn't such a bright idea.
STAN
It's a great idea, we just have to keep
working at it.
OLD WOMAN
Oh, hello there boys.
STAN
Hello, ma'am, we're detectives with
the South Park Crime Unit. Do you have
any crimes you need to be solved, for
a dollar?
OLD WOMAN
Ohh, neighborhood detectives, huh? Well
let me thi-oh yes! There is something!
KYLE
Really?
OLD WOMAN
Yes. Two days ago I put a fresh baked
cherry pie out on my window sill to
cool. And later, when I went to get
it, it was gone.
CARTMAN
My God...
STAN
Have you reported this to any other
authorities?
OLD WOMAN
Noo, but I think it's a perfect case
for you kids.
KYLE
Cool! We'll see what we can find, ma'am.
STAN
We're on the case.
[The old woman's house, backyard.]
CARTMAN
What have you got, Marsh?
STAN
Detective McCormick found something
interesting.
CARTMAN
Jesus, we're too late.
KYLE
I think we can piece this case together
now.
[The old woman's house, living room. She and her husband sit
back in arm chairs looking at news. The door opens and the boys
rush in with the pie tin]
OLD WOMAN
My pie tin! Oooh, but what happened
to the pie?
KYLE
Well, we've all talked it through and
we've come up with a theory.
OLD MAN
Well, what do you thnk happened, little
detectives?
STAN
You said you set the pie in the window
sill, where it must have sat for some
time. But its sweet smell attracted
the attention of somebody.
KYLE
Your husband. He wanted that pie badly,
but he knew that he was not allowed
to eat it yet.
CARTMAN
Slowly the rage built inside his mind.
"Why won't she let me eat that pie?
Why does she always stop me from doing
what I wanna do?!" His only solution
became obvious: Kill her!
STAN
His plan was to use a hammer.
CARTMAN
Bash, bash, BASH your skull in, causing
instant death.
STAN
Then to make it impossible for police
to identify the body, he'd use a shovel
to remove your head.
KYLE
Then saw off the arms and legs.
CARTMAN
The torso he would dump into the lake.
STAN
The arms and legs he would dissolve
with acid and lye in the bathtub.
CARTMAN
And then, finally, he'd be able to eat
that pie.
KYLE
But before he could go through with
this entire plan, he discovered that
the pie had already been eaten... ...by
your dog.
CARTMAN
Looks like the game is over, old man!
OLD WOMAN
Oh my God, what kind of television have
you kids been watching??
STAN
Just the news.
OLD WOMAN
All right, all right, you you boys run
along now.
STAN
Hey, you owe us a dollar, lady.
OLD WOMAN
Fine, here, just go!
STAN
Wow, look, you guys! Our first dollar!
KYLE
We're in business!
[A basement, some time later. The dollar bill is newly framed
and hung on a wall in ... Cartman's basement, which is now the
South Park Detectives headquarters. Pictures of suspects are
on the wall below the framed dollar, a chalkboard has some instructions
listed, and some suspects already interviewed are listed on the
wall beneath the stairs. Kyle puts a file away in a filing cabinet
as the other boys do other tasks.]
CARTMAN
Kenny, you got the f-a-g on that perp
in Washington
LIANE
Boys, you have a little visitor.
GIRL
Is this the South Park Crime Unit?
THE BOYS
Ah! Oh.
STAN
Yes it is!
GIRL
I lost my dollie.
CARTMAN
Thank you, Ms. Secretary, that will
be all. And get some more cookies and
coffee! We're not paying you to sit
on your ass!
KYLE
Do you kow where your doll is?
GIRL
If I knew where it was, it wouldn't
be lost.
STAN
All right, Sarah, come over here. Now,
I want you to describe what the doll
looks like to our sketch artist, Kenny.
SARAH
She has curly blonde hair. And a red
dress. And a turned-up nose. And a blue
bow in her hair.
STAN
You got it, Ken?
KYLE
All right, let's see. Damnit Kenny,
that's not what she said!
STAN
Put that away, dude!
CARTMAN
Don't worry, ma'am. We'll find your
doll.
[Sarah's house, day. The boys swarm into the girl's bedroom and
check out all the possibilities.]
CARTMAN
No sign of forced entry.
KYLE
But the window isn't locked.
STAN
Right, so it's possible that the theif
sat out in that tree. He would have
watched Sarah with the doll, possibly
while cutting the palms of his hands
with a large knife. The pain gave him
sick pleasure.
KYLE
Disposing of the doll wouldn't be easy.
He would have had to have brough a shovel
to decapitate it.
CARTMAN
We're going to need semen samples from
everything in this room.
A BOY
All right, let's do this by the books!
McDonnell, give me smears of all the
places the doll used to be! Mitchell,
run a tap on the phone!
STAN
Hey, kid, what are you doing?
THE BOY
Agent Tucker, FBI! And you?
STAN
Detective Marsh. I'm in charge of this
investigation!
TUCKER
...Not anymore, you're not!
CARTMAN
Hey, this is our case! You can't come
in and take over!
TUCKER
Can't we? You guys are playing Detective.
We're playing FBI. That gives us jurisdiction
over you!
STAN
Aw crap!
TUCKER
I want choppers on the roof ready to
go!
KYLE
Dude, we've been working this case since
two-thirty!
TUCKER
Good. Then you can help us by telling
me everything you know.
[Sarah's house, afternoon, outside. The boys have been kicked
out by the FBI boys and head for the sidewalk]
STAN
Son of a bitch stupid FBI!
CARTMAN
Well, I guess we can go back to playing
laundromat.
STAN
No! We're not gonna stop playing detectives!
We've just gotta find that doll before
thos FBI guys do.
KENNY
(Yeah!)
KYLE
Yeah, but how?
STAN
We're gonna have to just start bringing
in people for questioning.
CARTMAN
Right. I think I know exactly where
to start.
[Cartman's basement, later. The boys have called Butters in and
he's confused, being under the spotlight]
CARTMAN
Where were you this morning at nine
o'clock, Butters?!
BUTTERS
Ah, I was at home.
CARTMAN
Your story is full of holes and I'm
gonna beat your ass if you don't start
tellin' the truth!
KENNY
(Awww, don't be so hard. Maybe he's
tellin' the truth, huh?)
STAN
They've gotten really good at this
good cop-bad cop thing.
CARTMAN
You're going down, Butters! You hear
me?!
KENNY
(Aw. Now just be nice. Poor lil thing.)
CARTMAN
You're worth a two-dollar criminal and
you're lying!
KENNY
(Aw, please don't make him confess.)
BUTTERS
Well I don't have nothin' to confess.
Honestly.
CARTMAN
Fine! Then you won't mind giving us
a semen sample.
BUTTERS
How do I do that?
CARTMAN
You just make the semen come out of
your body and fill it in this cup!
BUTTERS
Well how do I make semen... come out
of my body?
CARTMAN
Stop playing games!
BUTTERS
I'm not playing. I really don't know!
CARTMAN
That does it! Wait right here! Guys,
did you hear that? Butters doesn't know
how you make seme come out of your body.
KYLE
How... do you make semen come out?
CARTMAN
I don't know. I was hoping you guys
did.
STAN
It's that thing we learned about in
school where you pull on your weiner
until white stuff comes out.
CARTMAN
Really?
KYLE
Ohh, right, you're supposed to pull
and mager...venate your weiner really
fast.
CARTMAN
Oh okay. Okay, retard, you really don't
know how to make semen come out?!
KYLE
No-o!
CARTMAN
Follow me to the bathroom.
KENNY
(Aw, it's okay kid. It's just done
in a jiffy)
[The Cartman hallway. Cartman takes Butters to the restroom]
CARTMAN
Now, go sit on the toilet and pull and
tug on your weiner until white stuff
comes out, and then put it in this cup.
BUTTERS
My weiner??
CARTMAN
Yes, retard. Semen comes from your weiner.
Now do it! Well Butters?!
BUTTERS
Ah I'm pullin' on my weiner, but nothin's
happening.
CARTMAN
Well pull harder!
BUTTERS
...ow... Ow... It's not workin'
CARTMAN
Try doin' it faster
BUTTERS
Ow. Ow. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.
Naw, nothin'
CARTMAN
Butters, do you wanna go to jail for
the rest of your life?!
BUTTERS
NOOooo!
CARTMAN
The you'd better get that semen sample
no matter how long it takes!
BUTTERS
Okay!!
STAN
Cartman! Cartman! We just got a tip
that a doll was found near Fosse's house!
CARTMAN
Let's go!
BUTTERS
...ow... Ow!
[Fosse's house, a nice rambling house. Cartman approaches the
front door as Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stand off to one side. He
turns and places his back against the wall, then sneaks up to
a window. He looks in just a bit. Inside, a boy plays with a
doll... red dress, turned-up nose, blonde curly hair with two
blue bows attached... just as Sarah had described. Two boys giggle
as they play]
FOSSE
Huhuh, Okay Ms., Ms. Jones, heh, me
and Doctor... Flick here just need to...
check your vagina.
BILL
That's gay.
FOSSE
Yeah, that's gay.
CARTMAN
Kyle!
KYLE
What? What??
CARTMAN
I see two guys inside. They have Sarah
Peterson's doll, you stupid Jew!
KYLE
They've got the doll!
STAN
Okay, okay. Ready? Break the door down!
FOSSE
Huh huh who is it?!
STAN
South Park Junior Detectives! We know
you have Sarah Peterson's doll!
FOSSE
They're playing Detective.
BILL
That's gay.
FOSSE
You're gay!
KYLE
What do we do now?
STAN
I don't know.
CARTMAN
Well if they're not gonna give us back
the doll, then we have no choice. Let's
go tell on them.
STAN
Dude, we just can't tell on them.
CARTMAN
Why not?
KYLE
Because, dude, we're playing detectives!
Detectives don't just go tell on people.
FOSSE
Detectives! If you don't get out of
here, we're gonna rip the doll's head
off!
BILL
Yeah.
FOSSE
We were playing gynecologists and now
we're playing criminals
BILL
That's gay.
FOSSE
We're gay.
STAN
Jesus! They're gonna kill her!
KYLE
We've got to do something.
CARTMAN
Time! Time is what we need, but time
is something we ain't got!
TUCKER
Attention! You in the house! This
is Agent Tucker with the FBI! We have
you surrounded. Sort of.
STAN
Hey, you buttholes can't play FBI here!
CARTMAN
Yeah! This was our hot lead!
TUCKER
And you did a great job leading us here.
Now you just stay out of our way! The
gig is up, Fosse! Bring out the doll!
Or we'll tell on you!
STAN
We're gonna charge the front door and
go get it.
TUCKER
No you're not.
CARTMAN
Damnit man, this is not the time for
negotiations! There's a little doll
in there about to have her head twisted
off!
TUCKER
Time out, kid! We say you can't charge
the front door, and you have to obey
what the FBI says! That's the rules!
STAN
Just because your parents can afford
better toys than ours doesn't make you
better than us!
TUCKER
Yes it does so!
KYLE
...Grrrr!!!
KENNY
(What do we do now?)
STAN
We go get the doll ourselves.
KYLE
But they said we can't charge the front
door.
STAN
That's right. But they didn't say anything
about going in the back.
TUCKER
Come on guys. You don't wanna hurt that
doll.
BILL
Huhuh. Oh crap, they're coming in the
back! That's gay.
STAN
Bang bang bang! I got you, Fosse!
FOSSE
No you didn't!
STAN
Did so!
FOSSE
No, 'cause I got... special wizard armor
on.
KYLE
We're not playing Dungeons and Dragons,
assface!
CARTMAN
All right, that does it! Cover me! I'm
going slo-mo! Wwwaaahhh!
FOSSE
Oooh, they got me! Whooaaa, whooaaa,
whooaaa.
BILL
rr uh rr uh, uhhhh.
FOSSE
We're dead.
BILL
That's gay.
STAN
We got it.
[Sarah's house, later. Stan and the boys walk up to the house
again. Stan knocks on the door, and Sarah's mother answers]
STAN
Ms. Peterson, is your daughter home?
SARAH
My dollie!
CARTMAN
We got her back safe. We lost a lot
of good men in the process.
SARAH'S MOM
Well you boys are little heroes. I'm
going to call the police department
and let them know what brave little
detectives you are!
[Park County Police Station, day. This building is much bigger
than the building Barbrady upholds the law from in South Park.]
DAWSON
Hello there little crime stoppers, I'm
Lieutenant Dawson with the Park County
Police. I heard you did a great job
finding Sarah Peterson's doll.
STAN
We do what we can, sir.
DAWSON
W-hell, that's fantastic, kids. And
for all your terrific sleuth-solving,
I'm hereby making you all Jenior Detectives.
KYLE
Wow!
DAWSON
That means you boys are now an official
part of the department.
CARTMAN
Kewl!
DAWSON
All right, so ready for your first assignment?
STAN
Sure.
DAWSON
Okay. There's a meth lab down at 567
Mala Vista. The operators are probably
armed to the hilt with illegal weapons.
I want you to get down there and see
what you can find!
KYLE
Ah... a a a meth lab?
DAWSON
I don't want any problems. Just take
them down by the books. Now get over
there; the mayor's all over my ass on
this one! On, and deputies: you screw
this up and I'll have you working graveyard
shift behind a desk! Move it!
[Nighttime in the boondocks. The boys walk along a barren stretch
of road]
KYLE
What is a meth lab, anyway?
STAN
I don't know. Let's just hurry up. I
wanna get home in time to watch Crime
Drama.
[The meth lab. Three men sit around a table as a forth man works
behind them. The juniro detectives approach the front door. Stan
knocks. The men inside quickly arm themselves]
STAN
Uh police. Open up. ...Oh crap, did
you guys do your math homework?
KYLE
Nah. Dude, I totally spaced it.
MAN 1
You die, pigs! You want to die, huh?
MAN 3
You won't take us alive!
MAN 5
So long, coppers!
STAN
Damn.
[Park County Police Dept., Dawson's office, later that night.
He reads the police report and paces behind his desk]
DAWSON
One UPS vehicle valued at twenty-five
thousand dollars, one civilian vehicle
valued at sixteen thousand, the second
floor of the post office AND a coffee
shop valued at sixteen thousand! The
mayor's gonna have my ass!
STAN
Uh, sir, we just kinda got blind-sided
by the-
DAWSON
You got careless! Now, I don't know
how they do things down at that dog-and-pony
show they call the Fourth Grade, but
here we have rules! Jesus, we don't
have guys to question now, because you
killed them all!
KYLE
We're sorry.
DAWSON
One more slip-up like that and I'll
have your badges! You hear me?! Now
hit the showers!
[Park County Police Dept., locker room. Three men are changing
clothes, so they're all in their briefs. The boys enter.]
OFFICER 1
Well well well, if it isn't the supercops.
OFFICER 2
Hey Murphy, think they'll let me borrow
their G.I. Joes?
OFFICER 4
Come on, you guys. Leave them alone.
MURPHY
Relax, Hopkins! All fun and games,
right? Soho, tell us, rookies, you
ah... find yourself a little bonus in
that house??
CARTMAN
Uh bonus?
MURPHY
Come on! We all skim a little off the
top. Oh. Or are you too good for that?
So you think you're gonna waltz in
here and clean up the system. Is that
it?
STAN
We just wanna be junior detectives.
MURPHY
LOOK, we all work hard! And we deserve
more than the thirty-thousand a year
we get paid! So what if we take in a
little on the side?
OFFICER 2
Yeah! Who the hell are you to say that?!
HOPKINS
I said, back off Murphy!
MURPHY
Why don't you and your rookie friends
make us
OFFICER 2
That's right. Come on, bring it!
OFFICER 3
Yeah, let's go! Come on, bring it!
DAWSON
What the hell is the problem here??
MURPHY
No problem, sir. No problem at all.
DAWSON
Then hit the showers, all of ya!
[The shower room, moments later. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are
taking their showers. Kyle drops his soap to fart, then picks
it up again. Cartman works on his hair]
KYLE
Dude, I don't wanna play Detective anymore.
CARTMAN
Me neither.
STAN
It'll get better, guys.
KYLE
Better how, dude?
STAN
Look, we said we wanted to form a club
to protect and serve South Park. We
put all this time to it, I mean... What
do you guys wanna do, huh? Go back to
playing Car Mechanics? Or Laundromat
Owners?
KYLE
We were happy playing Laundromat Owners.
STAN
I wasn't. We started playing Detective
because we wanted our play time to mean
something. Or have you forgotten why
you joined the force, Kyle?
CARTMAN
Hey! Broflovski's a good cop!
STAN
You guys can go back to playing Laundromat
Owners if you want, but... I'm not gonna
give those kids playing the FBI a chance
to laugh at us. See you guys at school
tomorrow.
[Cartman's house, night. His door opens, and a tired Cartman
walks in]
CARTMAN
Awwwwrrr-auugh.
LIANE
Eric, where have you been? It's ten
thirty.
CARTMAN
We had to take down a meth lab on Mala
Vista.
LIANE
Well you should've called Mommy.
CARTMAN
Will you get off my back?! It's hard
enough I gotta work the beat, and now
I gotta come home to your nagging?!
Look look, I'm I'm sorry. It's just
this case, and... the guys down at the
station, I... I'm tired, alright? I'm
I'm tired.
LIANE
Well, why don't you get ready for snoogums'
night-night, and I'll bring you some
toasty chocolate nummers?
CARTMAN
Okay.
BUTTERS
Who-o-o-o-a. Oowwww!
CARTMAN
Butters?
BUTTERS
Yes?
CARTMAN
Are you still trying to give a semen
sample?
BUTTERS
Well I'm tryin', but nothin's comin'
out.
CARTMAN
Well, keep tryin', Butters.
BUTTERS
Okay. Ow. Ooww!
[South Park Elementary, day. The boys are in class, sleeping.
As Butters was at home at 9 am the previous day, this day is
Monday]
MR. GARRISON
And so you can see, children, that the
women's movement of the late fifties
and the early sixties had a profound
effect on feminism in America. Uh,
boys! Would it trouble you terribly
not to sleep in my class?
KYLE
Uh wu we weren't sleeping, Mr. Garrison.
MR. GARRISON
Oh well, then maybe you can tell me
who was in charge of the feminist movement
of the early sixties!
CARTMAN
A bunch of fat old skanks on their
periods?
MR. GARRISON
Right, but who was the fattest oldest
skank on her period?! That's what I
thought! Now pay attention! Okay, children,
now, the biggest fatass was an old skank
by the name of-
DAWSON
Marsh! Broflovski! McCormick! Cartman!
In my office!
THE BOYS
Eeagh!
[Park County Police Department, later. The boys walk in sleepily.
Dawson holds a file in his right hand]
DAWSON
Looks like that meth lab you took down
was the tip of the iceberg. They found
a paper trail leading all the way to
the biggest crime syndicate in Colorado.
CARTMAN
Un oh...
DAWSON
The operators apparently run their business
out of a sleazy strip joint down in
Inglewood. They're all cop killers,
so I'm sending you in undercover.
KYLE
Uh, sir, d'I have a lot of homework
to do tonight and I was-
DAWSON
What?! Now you listen to me! I'm givin'
you one last chance! You're good cops,
but you let your emotions get in the
way! And your little "shoot first ask
questions later" technique has no place
in this century! Now you get down to
that strip joint and you do it by the
books, you got it?! The mayor is on
my ass and blablablah!
MURPHY
So, what did you boys have to say to
the lieutenant?
STAN
Nothing, he just told us a bunch of
stuff.
MURPHY
Maybe you decided you needed to tell
him about our... bonus money.
KYLE
No.
OFFICER 2
They're lying.
MURPHY
They're dead!
[Inglewood, Colorado, night. A big city. The strip club shown
is The Peppermint Hippo. Inside there are several dancers undulating
for their patrons on individual stages. Other dancers dance on
the club floor for individual patrons. The boys enter the club]
KYLE
Dude, if my mom knew I was in here,
I would be in super big trouble.
KENNY
(Woohoo!!)
STRIPPER
Would you like a dance?
STAN
No thanks.
STRIPPER
Dance? Anyone like a dance?
DJ
Well all right, guests, put your hands
together. Be sure to tip the dancers.
And now, come on, let's here it for
Candy!
BOUNCER
Whoa whoa, what the hell are you kids
doin' in here? This isn't an appropriate
place for children
STRIPPER
Dance? Anyone like a dance?
KYLE
Uh, it's okay. We know the owner.
STRIPPER
Oh, really? Let's go see.
[The Peppermint Hippo back room. Nice opulent place.]
OWNER
All right, so we'll have to start havin'
the McCormicks make our meth again and-
BOUNCER
Hey Gino, these kids say they know you.
GINO
What? Ha-I don't know no kids.
BOUNCER
I didn't think so. All right, you kids-
GINO
Hey wait a minute. These kids might
be just what we need to get our drugs
past the security at DIA. How would
you like to join our family?
TALL GOON
Yo Gino, I know I've seen these kids
before, man. These kids are 5-0!
GINO
What?
TALL GOON
These kids are cops, man!
CARTMAN
Bang bang bang...
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
Bang bang bang...
KENNY
(Pakew! Pakew!)
CARTMAN
Kenny, it doesn't go "Pakew! Pakew!",
it goes "BANG BANG BANG!!"
DAWSON
God damnit! Those junior detectives
and their heroicly reckless ways! Murphy!
Jenkins! Hopkins! Get in there!
STRIPPER
Dance??? Anybody like a dance???
HOPKINS
Freeze! South Park detectives! Great
job, boys. You found the meth boss!
GINO
Detective Murphy! Jenkins! Uh what the
hell are you doing? We had a deal.
HOPKINS
A deal?
MURPHY
That's right. We're partners in the
drug business. Everything was fine until
these "supercops" joined the force.
JENKINS
Now we've gotta kill you all.
HOPKINS
Boys! Down!
DJ
Huh alright guys, put your hands together,
a lot of shootin' and killin' goin'
on, but be sure to tip your waitress
let's hear it for Rebecca.
DAWSON
Christ! Those junior detectives have
no regard for the law!
LEAD FBI AGENT
Get me a hard line to the phone! And
I want choppers on the roof!
DAWSON
Who the hell are you??
LEAD FBI AGENT
Agent Fields, FBI!
DAWSON
Hey, I'm in charge of this investigation.
FIELDS
Not anymore, you're not.
DAWSON
But that's not fair!
FIELDS
Is so! Is so!
JENKINS
Sorry, Detective Hopkins. We can't let
anybody know about our partnership.
GINO
That's right. We split it all, fifty-fifty!
MURPHY
That's right. I think we'll take a
hundred percent now.
JENKINS
Huhuh yeah. Sorry, Gino, but in business
like this, sometimes partnerships need
to end.
MURPHY
That's right. Sometimes partnerships
need to end. Well, supercops, looks
like I'll be taking in all the money
now. I'm in business alone. And that
means that the only person I can't trust...
is myself.
[Outside the Peppermint Club. The paramedics have arrived and
are removing the bodies. Hopkins, up and about, reaches the boys]
HOPKINS
It looks like Murphy and Jenkins got
what they deserved. If it weren't for
you boys, we would have never cleaned
up the department.
DAWSON
All right, detectives, let's get one
thing straight! I do not agree with
your methods! You're uncontrolled, and
you're negligent! But by God you get
the job done. Congratulations!
STAN
Thanks.
DAWSON
I'm probably going to regret this, but,
well, I'm promoting you to full detectives.
There'll be lots of action, and that
big paycheck you've always wanted.
STAN
...I think I have a better idea.
[Cartman's basement, next day. The boys are back at playing Laundromat.
The wall under the stairs has been removed to show the washer
and dryer, which are now framed by a doorway saying "Employees
Only." Two clothes racks are seen, and the detectives' desks
are refashioned as washer/dryer combos. A "Laundromat" sign on
the wall looks over the whole thing]
KYLE
Hello, sir. Welcome to the Broflovski
Laundromat.
STAN
Yes, I have a suit that needs to be
dry-cleaned. And pressed, please.
KYLE
Certainly.
CARTMAN
Here you are, Mister McCormick. Your
laundry is all done and folded. That
will be nine ninety five. On your American
Express.
BUTTERS
Fellas! Hehey fellas! I got it! Ah
I got my semen sample!
CARTMAN
You did?
BUTTERS
Yeah. I was up there poundin' my weiner
for two days straight, aaand finally,
I thought about Stan's Mom's boobs,
and this little timy spooge of... this
white stuff came out.
KYLE
That's great, Butters, but we're not
playing Detective anymore. We're playing
laundromat owners.
CARTMAN
Would you like those pants cleaned for
four ninety five?
THE END
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