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ALL SCRIPTS





                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                     Episode 810


                                     "PRESCHOOL"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





                                     CLYDE
                         Yeah, and it was called Man from Atlantis, 
                         and he had like, webbed fingers... 
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Kyle, Kenny! I have to talk to you right 
                         now!
 
                                     KYLE
                         Okay, hang on a second I-

                                     STAN
                          RIGHT NOW, GODDAMNIT!

                                     KYLE
                         All right, all right!  Dude, what is 
                         the matter with you?
 
                                     STAN
                          Trent Boyett is being released from 
                         Juvenile Hall. 
 
                                     KENNY
                         (WHAT??)

                                     KYLE
                         Trent Boyett?? The kid from preschool??
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Yeah. He just got paroled.

                                     KYLE
                         Oh no! NO!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey gaybots, what's goin' on?

                                     KYLE
                         Trent Boyett is being released from 
                         Juvenile Hall.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Really? That's cool. When did-?  What 
                         did you say?  Trent Boyett? Meanest, 
                         dirtiest, toughest kid in the world, 
                         super-pissed off at US Trent Boyett??
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh, Holy Jesus, God is...

                                     STAN
                         What the hell are we gonna do??

                                     BUTTERS
                          Hey, is it true?? Trent Boyett is getting 
                         out??
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         It's true.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh Jesus, Oh Christ in Heaven, I gotta 
                         hide!  Uh, oh boy! 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         He's gonna come for us, you guys. We 
                         are dead men.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Look, m-maybe he's forgiven us. I mean, 
                         we were only in preschool
 
               [Flashback to preschool days. It's playtime, and the kids are 
               busy doing things, sliding and such.]
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, let's play Fireman.

                                     KYLE
                         Totally, dude, let's play Fireman.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Jews can't be firemen.

                                     KYLE
                         Shut up, fatass!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Don't call me fat, you stupid Jew!
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (How about we put a real fire out?)
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Hey, Kenny's right. We should put out 
                         a i>real fire. Then we'll be heroes!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         But how do we start a fire?

                                     KYLE
                         Trent Boyett will do it. He's the toughest, 
                         baddest kid in preschool! 
 
                                     TRENT
                         Say Uncle!

                                     BOY
                         Uncle!

                                     TRENT
                          Say Uncle!

                                     BOY
                         Uncle! 

                                     TRENT
                          What do you shitheads want?!

                                     KYLE
                         Do you know how to start a fire?

                                     TRENT
                         Sure! I burn lots stuff.

                                     STAN
                         Start one. Then we're gonna put it out.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         We're firemen!

                                     TRENT
                         Do you fuckheads even know how to put 
                         out a fire?
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah yeah, we play Fireman all the time.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Don't worry, Trent.

                                     TRENT
                         All right, fine. 

                                     BUTTERS
                          Hey fellas, you'd better be careful.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Shut up, Butters! We know what we're 
                         doing!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh, all right then. 

                                     STAN
                         Wow, cool!

                                     KYLE
                         Code 7! Bring in the firemen!

                                     STAN
                          Woowoowoowoo, Clang clang clang clang 
                         clang!  Come on, firemen! Put out the 
                         fire! 
 
                                     KYLE
                         We're heroes!  We saved the school.
 
                         
                                     TRENT
                          Put it out!

                                     TEACHER
                          Trent Boyett, what have you done now?!
 
                         
                                     TRENT
                         They said they could put it out.

                                     TEACHER
                         Children, get back away, now!  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 
                          I'm buuurniiing!
 
                                     STAN
                         Put it out, put it out! 

               [South Park Elementary, moments later, still in the flashback. 
               The teacher is being put in an ambulance]
 
                                     PARAMEDIC
                         Come on, hurry! We've gotta get her 
                         to the hospital! 
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, we are in so much trouble!

                                     KYLE
                         My mon is gonna break my legs!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey, we didn't start the fire, Trent 
                         Boyett did.
 
                                     STAN
                         That's true.

                                     OFFICER
                         You boys! Trent is trying to tell us 
                         the fire was YOUR idea.
 
                                     STAN
                         No!

                                     KYLE
                         Not us. We're good kids.

                                     TRENT
                         Tell them it was an accident: you thought 
                         you could put it out.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Trent Boyett is a liar, sir.

                                     OFFICER
                         I thought so. All right, that's it, 
                         Trent. You're going to Juvenile Hall 
                         for a long time!
 
                                     TRENT
                          Butters, you saw! Tell them what happened!
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Ah, I'd do you in, Trent. Ah, I don't 
                         wanna get involved. Or else my parents 
                         will ground me.
 
                                     TRENT
                         You'd better pray I never get out of 
                         Juvenile Hall! You'd better ALL pray! 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Dude, when he gets out of Juvenile Hall, 
                         he's gonna wanna kill us!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Whatever. That's like five years from 
                         now.
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah, who cares?

                                     THE BOYS
                          All right, yeah, woohoo, we did it!
 
                         
               [The flashback ends and the boys are shown in the hall again.]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Now it's five years later. And Trent 
                         Boyett is being released.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh Jesus, he's gonna kill us. We-we've 
                         gotta tell our parents!
 
                                     KYLE
                         We can't tell our parents, dude! We 
                         lied to everybody! Nobody knows we're 
                         responsible for Ms. Claridge's accident!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Sshhh, here comes Ms. Claridge now. 
                         
 
                                     THE BOYS
                         Hello, Ms. Claridge. 

                                     STAN
                          Are you having a nice day, Ms. Claridge? 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         You guys, what the fuck are we gonna 
                         do?! In case you've forgotten, Trent 
                         Boyett is the meanest kid we ever knew. 
                         He's gonna tear us apart!
 
                                     KYLE
                         Look, that was a long time ago. Maybe 
                         Trent Boyett has forgotten all about 
                         it.
 
               [Juvenile Hall, outside, day, out in the desert. The sky looks 
               smoggy.]
 
               [Juvenile Hall, inside. The gates in the hall roll back and a 
               mean Trent walks forward. On his right shoulder is written "Vengeance 
               is Mine, sayeth the Lord." Above the writing is a cross. On his 
               left shoulder is a skull surrounded by the words "Never Forget." 
               He approaches the check-out desk]
 
                                     WARDEN
                          Everything that you had when you were 
                         first brought in here will now be returned. 
                          One Crayole eight-pack with crayon 
                         sharpener. One pair of plastic round-tipped 
                         scissors. One marble, blue. And one 
                          switchblade knife with "Kill all betrayers" 
                         written on the blade, black.  Trent! 
                         Where are you gonna do? 
 
                                     TRENT
                         I gots business to take care of. 

               [Butters' house, day. In his darkened room, Butters trembles 
               in fear on the floor next to his bookcase. A knock is heard at 
               his door]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Hah! 

                                     CHRIS
                         Butters? 

                                     BUTTERS
                         Hullo. Oh, uh hi Dad.

                                     CHRIS
                         Butters, what is wrong with you??

                                     BUTTERS
                         Nothin' wrong, sir. Eh nothin' at all.
 
                         
                                     LINDA
                         You've been shut up in your room for 
                         days, Butters. You need to go outside, 
                         go play.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Uh... outside? No way! 

                                     LINDA
                         Why not?

                                     BUTTERS
                          N-no reason! 

                                     CHRIS
                         Butters, we have had it with your moping 
                         around! You're gonna go outside and 
                         you're gonna play, right now!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         But Dad, I just wanna stay in my room-
 
                         
               [Butters' house, front porch. He's kicked out of the house and 
               the door shuts closed on him. He fiddles his fingers around nervously]
 
               
                                     CHRIS
                         Butters, play!  Start playing right 
                         now, young man! 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Tru... Tr-Trent Boyett! HAAA!  Dad! 
                         Mom! I'm don- I'm done playin' now! 
                          AAAAAH! Let me in, Dad!  Mom, Dad, 
                         you gotta open the door! 
 
                                     LINDA
                         What on earth is the matter with him?
 
                         
                                     CHRIS
                         Just keep the door locked, honey. Butters 
                         can't be a house hermit his whole life.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh my God, he's coming! Oh here oh my 
                         gosh he's gonna kill me!
 
                                     LINDA
                         I just can't stand to hear him scream 
                         like that. I'm gonna go upstairs. 
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Mom, Dad, you gotta open the door right 
                         now! You've gotta open it-  Oh hey! 
                         Trent Boyett Gosh I... haven't seen 
                         you in a whle.
 
                                     TRENT
                          Five years. It's been five long miserable 
                         years.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Look, Trent, I know- I know you're awful 
                         sore about... pre- muh- pr-preschool 
                         and all, but... well that was a long 
                         time ago. I mean, we were just kids. 
                          Uhhh... p-lease don't hurt me, Trent. 
                         I-I'll give you anything you want. You 
                         name it!
 
                                     TRENT
                         Can you give me back my time? Huh? Can 
                         you do that?? Kindergarten, first grade, 
                         second? Can you give me that??
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, no, Trent, I-I'm not like a time-traveler 
                         or nothin'.
 
                                     TRENT
                         I'm gonna give you something you didn't 
                         give me: a five-second head-start.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         No, Trent, I I ain't gonna run. We can 
                         talk this through.
 
                                     TRENT
                         Four seconds!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Uh Trent, now, listen to me. I'm sorry 
                         for the color-
 
                                     TRENT
                         Three seconds!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Ohhh yamuckers! 

               [Hell's Pass hospital, day. Butters wasn't fast enough. In a 
               recovery room, his parents stand at his bedside]
 
                                     LINDA
                         Thanks so much for coming to visit Butters 
                         in the hospital, boys. It means a lot 
                         to him. 
 
                                     CHRIS
                         What happened to him, Doctor?

                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         From the test results, it would appear 
                         your child was tortured by a bully. 
                         He received a massive snuggie, his underwear 
                         pulled up so high it nearly killed him. 
                         He also received two Indian sunburns 
                         on his forearms, a charlie horse on 
                         the thigh, and a second-degree titty 
                         twister. And from the damage to his 
                         head area, it appears he was also given 
                         a swirly, a colossal one.  It also appears 
                         like he received a noogie, and, a Polish 
                         bike ride.
 
                                     LINDA
                         What's that?

                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         We aren't sure. We only know that... 
                         there is no cure.
 
                                     LINDA
                         If only we had let him in!  Why didn't 
                         we let him inside the house when he 
                         was screaming for help?? 
 
                                     CHRIS
                         Now, honey, we were trying to read. 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         We've got to tell them who did this, 
                         you guys. We're gonna get it as bad 
                         as Butters!
 
                                     KYLE
                         That's nothing compared to what my mom 
                         will do to me if she finds out I've 
                         been lying for five years!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Maybe you didn't hear so good in there, 
                         Kyle! Second-degree titty-twister!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Calm down guys, we don't have to go 
                         tell our parents. We just need to go 
                         out and get some protection.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         How the hell are condoms gonna help 
                         us?!  Sorry, heh. Never mind, heh. 
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         I'm talking about hiring somebody bigger 
                         than Trent to protect us from him. Come 
                         on! 
 
               [A riverbed. There's graffiti along the banks and sixth graders 
               ride their bikes all around the riverbed]
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 1
                         I'm gonna jump the wall of fire.  Yeah, 
                         that was sweat!
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Hey, look! 

                                     KYLE
                         Dude, we shouldn't be here!

                                     STAN
                         Stay cool, guys. If anybody can protect 
                         us from Trent Boyett, it's the sixth 
                         graders.
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Stupic little Fourthies!  What are you 
                         little Fourthies doin' in our hangout?!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         We've come to... ask you for help.
 
                         
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Help??? 

                                     KYLE
                         We need you to protect us... from a 
                         bully.
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Yeah? And what do we get for it? 

                                     CARTMAN
                          A twelve-pack of Dr. Pepper, A Shoots 
                         & Ladders game used only three times, 
                         DVD of Harry Potter 2, and a coupon 
                         for a free side of fries with a purchase 
                         of any deloxe hamburger at Red Robin. 
                          All this can be yours. 
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         You're gonna have to do better than 
                         that, Fourthies!
 
                                     KYLE
                         Well...  Well, what do you want?

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         You're Stan Marsh, right?

                                     STAN
                         Yeah.

                                     SIXTH GRADERS
                         OOOOOoooOoOooo!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         We want a picture of your mom's boobs! 
                         
 
                                     SIXTH GRADERS
                         Yeah. Awesome.

                                     STAN
                         WHAT??

                                     SIXTH GRADER 3
                         Your mom has the sweetest bewbs ever.
 
                         
                                     SIXTH GRADER 4
                         Yeah! I totally wanna suck your mom's 
                         tits.
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, weak!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Come back with a naked picture of your 
                         mom!
 
                                     STAN
                          NO!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Then we aren't helpin' you!

                                     KYLE
                         Wait! We'll do it.

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         It'd have to be a good picture, too! 
                          So long, Fourthies!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Okay, so now we just need to get a picture 
                         of Stan's mom naked. Cool.
 
               [Sonewhere. Trent makes makeshift barbells out of rods and solid 
               disks and begins pumping iron]
 
               [South Park, Main Street. A couple and Ms. Claridge pass each 
               other]
 
                                     WOMAN 1
                         That's the preschool teacher, Ms. Claridge. 
                         Poor woman suffered such horrible burns 
                         she can only communicate by... beeping 
                         once for yes and twice for no. 
 
                                     WOMAN 2
                         Oh hello, Ms. Claridge. Nice day, isn't 
                         it? 
 
                                     MAN 2
                         Need help across the street, Ms. Claridge? 
                          Well all right then. 
 
                                     MAN 3
                          Ms. Claridge, you all right?  You can 
                         talk to me, Ms. Claridge. I understand: 
                         one beep for yes and two for no. Don't 
                         you think you should get out of the 
                         street?  Look you, you don't have to 
                         be so cold. I'm just trying to help. 
                          Oooo, sorry! 
 
               [A doorbell rings. Mrs. Broflovski approaches and opens the door. 
               Trent faces her with his knife in hand.]
 
                                     TRENT
                         Can Kyle come out and play?

                                     KYLE'S MOTHER
                         Oh, Kyle isn't home right now, hon.
 
                         
                                     TRENT
                         Thank you, ma'am. 

               [Stan's house. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny sit at the dining 
               table. Cartman is dressed as a woman]
 
                                     STAN
                         You see, Mom, all the kids at school 
                         were told to bring a picture of their 
                         moms' breasts for anatomy class.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I don't know, son. That sounds awfully 
                         strange.  You cannot have a picture 
                         of my hot breasts.
 
                                     STAN
                         But mom, my teacher will-

                                     CARTMAN
                         Nononono, you gotta go  "But Mo-o-o-om."
 
                         
                                     STAN
                          But Mo-o-o-

                                     CARTMAN
                          "But Mo-o-o-om."

                                     STAN
                         This is hopeless!

                                     KYLE
                         Why don't you just sneak in your mom's 
                         closet and get a picture when she's 
                         changing clothes?
 
                                     STAN
                         That's sick, dude! I'm not taking a 
                         picture of my mom's boobs!
 
                                     KENNY
                          (I'll do it.)

                                     STAN
                         No, you're not doing it either! We just 
                         need to find something that looks like 
                         boobs to take a picture of.
 
                                     KYLE
                         What else has big round squishy globes? 
                         
 
               [Living room, moments later. Cartman stands on a stool and squats 
               down. Kyle has a set of instructions and Stan has a marker. Kenny 
               stands as a witness]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Draw the um- You guys draw the nipples 
                         like on the bottom of my asscheecks.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                          No, the nipples are more in the middle, 
                         see? 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, but Stan's mom is old; that means 
                         her nipples... sag more to the bottom 
                         now.
 
                                     KYLE
                         How do you know?!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Will you guys trust me? I know this 
                         stuff!
 
                                     STAN
                         All right, fine. 

                                     KYLE
                         Oh wait! We forgot the necklace.

                                     KENNY
                         (Oh yeah!) 

                                     KYLE
                          God I hope this works.

               [The ravine, day. The sixth graders are there again, riding up 
               and down the concrete slopes. Stan and his friends approach]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Escuse me!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         Whattaya want now?!

                                     STAN
                          We, we got it. 

                                     SIXTH GRADER 3
                         You got a picture of your mom's bewbs?
 
                         
                                     SIXTH GRADER 5
                         No way!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 6
                          Hey, hold on a second!  These are like 
                         the hottest tits I've evern seen!
 
                         
                                     SIXTH GRADER 7
                         Whoa!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 8
                         Check them out!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                          Give me that!  Whoa! I knew she had 
                         a hot rack!
 
                                     SIXTH GRADERS
                         Yeah. Sure does. Uh-huh! Uh-huh!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 9
                         Oh yeah, those are so hot.  Oooohhh
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Okay, so now you'll help us take care 
                         of Trent Boyett?
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                          Oh all right, we'll let this Trent 
                         Boyett know that if he misses with you, 
                         he's messin' with us!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right!

                                     KENNY
                         (Woohoo!)

                                     CARTMAN
                         You guys, we're free! We haven't a care 
                         in the world!
 
                                     KENNY
                         (All right!)

                                     SIXTH GRADER 10
                         I need three minutes alone with the 
                         picture behind the bushes.
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 6
                         I get to take the picture behind the 
                         bushes after you.
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                          I'm takin' it to the bushes first! 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, are we gonna be like that someday?
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Naw.

               [The intersection. Ms. Claridge is still there. The boys exit 
               an ice cream parlor with ice cream cones and walk down the street]
 
               
                                     KYLE
                         Man, I would have loved to seen to seen 
                         the look on Trent Boyett's face when 
                         all the sixth graders showed up!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah. Trent's just lucky he didn't mess 
                         with us. I woulda kicked his ass.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Hey, look. What is Ms. Claridge doing? 
                          Ms. Claridge?
 
                                     MAN 4
                          She won't talk to anybody, boys. Some 
                         say... she's just given up hope. 
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey guys, you know what we should do? 
                         We should go get a-  Hwuh?! 
 
               [Hell's Pass Hospital, later. The boys enter the emergency room 
               and see it full of cots. The sixth graders are there, some injured 
               more than others. The emergency room personnel have their hands 
               full]
 
                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         Jesus Christ, I've never seen so many 
                         Indian sunburns and titty twisters in 
                         my life!  Get a cold towel on that pink 
                         belly!
 
                                     NURSE 1
                         Doctor, we have another snuggie here
 
                         
                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         Over there!  Another wet willie?

                                     NURSE 2
                         Worst one yet.

                                     SIXTH GRADER
                         It's all 

                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         Give the poor kid some morphine. 

                                     STAN
                         Dude, what happened?

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         We... told him not to mess with you 
                         guys... We told him... you paid us.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Oh, Jesus. You told him that?! 

                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         Boys, you have to let him rest. Some 
                         mean kid gave him a Texas Chili Bowl
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         What's that?

                                     DR. DOCTOR
                         It involves Tabasco sauce, a telephone, 
                         and the anus.  I don't know what kind 
                         of kid would do this to other people; 
                         I only know that I wouldn't ever want 
                         to be on that kid's bad side. 
 
               [Hell's Pass Hospital, outside]

                                     STAN
                         We're dead. Trent knows we send the 
                         sixth-graders after him.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         He's gonna give us all Texas chili bowls. 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         We've gotta move away. We've gotta get 
                         as far away from this town as possible!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         No, no, we've just gotta find better 
                         help.
 
                                     KYLE
                         From who? We can't ask adults for help 
                         and there's nobody tougher than sixth 
                         graders.
 
                                     STAN
                          There is... one person.

               [Stan's house, living room. Shelley is watching TV with a bowl 
               of soup on her lap. Stan and friends enter and approach]
 
                                     STAN
                         Shelley?

                                     SHELLEY
                         Shut up, turd! I'm watching television!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Shelley, you're my sister, right? And 
                         families... depend on each other.
 
                         
                                     SHELLEY
                         I said shut up, or I will destroy you, 
                         tur-r-rd!
 
                                     STAN
                         Shelley  Somebody is going to kill me, 
                         and I can't go to Mom or Dad for help, 
                         so, you're kind of the only person I 
                         have... left. 
 
                                     SHELLEY
                          STOP CRYING, TURD!! Now, who's gonna 
                         kill you?
 
                                     STAN
                         Trent Boyett. He just got released from 
                         Juvenile Hall. He was sent there for 
                         burning Ms. Claridge, but actually, 
                         it was our fault.
 
                                     SHELLEY
                         Oh, you are such stupid turds.

                                     STAN
                         We were only four years old at the time, 
                         uh. We du-we didn't think about the 
                         past coming back to haunt us then. We 
                         didn't think and now he's gonna kill 
                         us!
 
                                     SHELLEY
                         Calm down, turd! No Juvenile Hall turd 
                         is going to kill you. That's my job.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         So you're gonna help us?

                                     SHELLEY
                         Yes, but I'm gonna want something in 
                         return.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         A picture of your mom's boobs?

                                     SHELLEY
                         SHUT UP, TURD! You're going to admit 
                         to Ms. Claridge what you did!
 
                                     STAN
                         Admit it was our fault?

                                     SHELLEY
                         You can't run from your past, turds. 
                         Apologize and make amends. Then I'll 
                         protect you from this Trent turd. 
 
                         
               [The intersection. Ms. Claridge is still there. No one has moved 
               her. Cars move past her, honking at her, and two men and a woman 
               approach the corner facing her.]
 
                                     MAN 5
                         Ms. Claridge, the people in town are 
                         really worried about you. 
 
                                     WOMAN 5
                         Look, if you're having some kind of 
                         problem, you have to be able to talk 
                         to people. 
 
                                     MAN 6
                         Just tell us this: do you trust that 
                         we want what's best for you, yes or 
                         no? 
 
                                     MAN 5
                         All right, fine! But someday you're 
                         gonna have to learn to let people in! 
                          Bitch. 
 
                                     STAN
                         Hi, Ms. Claridge. Uh, we have s-someting 
                         to tell you. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         The thing is, Ms. Claridge, we did a 
                         lot of stupid things when we were kids.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         A lot of stupid things that we regret.
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (And it's time for us to come clean.) 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         See, Ms. Claridge, when we were little, 
                         we used to play with our weiners a lot, 
                         and one game we played was "Fierman."
 
                         
                                     TRENT
                          I've been lookin' for you!  Firve years 
                         I've been waitin' for this day.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         AAAAAAAAH!

                                     STAN
                         Trent, look: We've realized our mistake! 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes, our conscious got the best of us 
                         and, and we were just about to tell 
                         everyone the truth. 
 
                                     TRENT
                         You had five years to do that. And while 
                         I wasted away my time in prison you've 
                         been enjoying nice, normal lives!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Our lives have not been enjoyable, Trent! 
                         I promise you! 
 
                                     TRENT
                         Don't tell me that! I heard about the 
                         things you've done! But there WERE no 
                         magical Christmas adventures or talking 
                         poo for me! I didn't get to fight a 
                         huge mechanized Barbra Streisand like 
                         you did! No accidental trips to Afghanistan 
                         for Trent Boyett! 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Stay away from us, Trent!

                                     STAN
                         What is that?

                                     CARTMAN
                         It's my mom's taser. I took it from 
                         her purse.  Just back off, man!
 
                                     TRENT
                         Look, just take your punishment! You 
                         deserve it! Let me have my retribution 
                         and it can be over with.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I am NOT going to have a titty twister! 
                         I hate titty twisters!
 
                                     TRENT
                         You don't even know how to use that! 
                          Wow! 
 
                                     OFFICER 2
                         So, Trent, you just had to finish off 
                         your old preschool teacher, eh?
 
                                     TRENT
                         No! They did it! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Trent Boyett is a liar, sir.

                                     OFFICER 2
                         Ms. Claridge, did Trent Boyett do this 
                         to you.  Yes yes. Take him away!
 
                                     TRENT
                          Naw! You've gotta listen to me! 

                                     KYLE
                         Dude, when he gets out he's gonna be 
                         really mad!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Whatever, that's like five years from 
                         now.
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah, who cares?

                                     THE BOYS
                         Yeah, woohoo

                                     CARTMAN
                         We did it!  So long, Trent! Have a nice 
                         time!  Nyanyanyanyanyaaanyaaa!  Hahahahahaaahaaa! 
                         
 
                                     SIXTH GRADER 6
                         Hey, hold on a second!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Uh oh.

                                     SIXTH GRADER 6
                         Bewbs!

                                     SIXTH GRADER
                         Omigod!

                                     SIXTH GRADERS
                         Boobs!

                                     SIXTH GRADER
                          I'm taking them to the bushes!

                                     SIXTH GRADER 2
                         I'm taking them to the bushes first!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hah! Hey!

               THE END

Preschool



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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