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                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                      Episode 606


                                   "PROFESSOR CHAOS"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [Cartman's room, day. Cartman and Kyle stand inside watchng Stan, 
               who is peeking out the door, waiting for someone]
 
                                     STAN
                          Okay, here he comes. 

                                     KYLE
                         Who wants to tell him?

                                     CARTMAN
                         I'll do it.

                                     BUTTERS
                          Hehey, fellas. I'm glad you called 
                         me. There was a pie-eating contest down 
                         at the firehouse, and I thought we should 
                         all go.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters, could you take a seat, please?
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Wuh well, sure. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters, we have to have a very difficult 
                         conversation.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Wull what is it?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, in the, in the months since our 
                         friend Kenny died, you've really stepped 
                         up as a friend and "filled the gap." 
                         
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well uh, it's my pleasure! I love bein' 
                         you guys' new friend.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes. Well, Butters, it's just not working 
                         out.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Nnnot working out?

                                     CARTMAN
                         I'm afraid we're gonna have to let you 
                         go, as our friend. You're just tooo...
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Lame

                                     CARTMAN
                         Lane, yes.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, but ah I can get better.

                                     STAN
                         Butters, you just don't really fit in 
                         with us here. We think it's best for 
                         all of us if you for friendship opportunites 
                         elsewhere.
 
                                     KYLE
                         But we certainly want to thank you for 
                         all your hard work and attempts at being 
                         our friend, lame as they were.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh but ah I thought we were gettin' 
                         along... great. Heh ah I thought we 
                         were really havin' fun together.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes, well, we weren't.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Please, fellas, uh don't fire me.

                                     KYLE
                         We're sorry Butters.  Our mind is made 
                         up.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          But we certainly wanna thank you for 
                         coming by.  You know the way out, right? 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Phew.

                                     STAN, CARTMAN
                         Phew.

                                     KYLE
                         Hm, I think he took that pretty well, 
                         I think.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Who cares?

                                     STAN
                         All right, so let's get started on who's 
                         gonna be the new person to take Kenny's 
                         place.
 
               [Butters' house, night. A thunderstorm hovers over the neighborhood. 
               Inside Butters' room a hamster set is seen, and beyond, Butters 
               standing on his bed, looking out his window. He has an angry 
               expression on his face]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          The world isn't fair. I do everything 
                         people ask me to. I stand in the lunch 
                         line for them, I buy tampons at the 
                         store for them, I go on Maury Povich 
                         with balls on my chin for them.  And 
                         yet, nobody accepts me. I am an outcast. 
                         A shadow of a man who can find no companion... 
                         ship. No love from others.  Fine!  If 
                         I am to be an outcast, so be it!  I'm 
                         through doin' what others tell me to 
                         do, and I am sick of this world and 
                         the stin-, and the stinky people in 
                         it!  From now on I will dedicate my 
                         life to bringing chaos to the world 
                         that has rejected me!  I will become 
                         the greatest supervillain  the world 
                         has ever seen!  Where I go, destruction 
                         will follow! 
 
               [Butters goes about making a suit for himself. He begins with 
               a sheet of aluminum foil and shapes it around a styrofoam head 
               to make a helmet. He pulls out a shirt from the closet and makes 
               it a cape using a sewing machine. Pretty soon, he's finished 
               - he's dressed as something of a knight]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Prepare, O little town! Uh prepare for 
                         the greatest supervillain you've ever 
                         seen! Professor Chaos! 
 
                                     LINDA
                          Butters, time for bed.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Hu-uh, okay Mom.  Yes. Uh sleet sleep 
                         for now.  Tomorrow, the chaos begins. 
                         
 
               [South Park, morning. A small stage is shown in Cartman'ss backyard, 
               with a camera off to the side. Kyle, Stan, and Cartman walk up 
               on stage and look out over the backyard]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          All right, we wanna thank everybody 
                         for coming. This is a great turnout. 
                          Uh, as you know, our friend Kenny died 
                         a few months ago and we are still looking 
                         to fill the void with a new friend. 
                         Now, you've all been selected as possible 
                         candidates, but unfortunately, there 
                         is only room for one of you. So Stan 
                         and Kyle and I will be spending the 
                         next few days going out with each one 
                         of you and narrowing our choices down. 
                         Until we think we've found the perfect 
                         friend. Are there any questions?
 
                                     CLYDE
                          ...What if we don't want to be your 
                         friend?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Clyde... ... okay. Now, the first thing 
                         we have to do is cut the list down from 
                         twenty choices to ten. And so today 
                         we will all be going to the amusement 
                         park together to see who we want to 
                         cut. Please keep in mind that this will 
                         all be videotaped, so put on your best 
                         friend faces, and may the best friend 
                         win. Oh, and we will be needing a ten 
                         dollar per person entrance fee.
 
               [South Park, later. The camera looks at the end of Main Street, 
               and Butters comes over a bump on the street. He heads towards 
               the camera right in the middle of the street as the adults around 
               him talk or window-shop. He walks on, and a Bennigan's appears 
               to his left. He turns to look at it, then runs through the front 
               doors. He stops just inside. The diners go about eating and chatting. 
               A waitress serves a table]
 
                                     BENNIGAN'S CHEF
                         Order twenty-three is up, and uh, order 
                         twenty-four is up. 
 
               [Butters sees the dishes and walks up to them. He stares at them 
               for a few seconds, then switches them, grinning evilly. He then 
               drops down quickly as a waitress comes for the dishes. She delivers 
               them to the two diners who ordered them]
 
                                     MAN 1
                         Uh, waitress, a-a-actually, I ordered 
                         the chicken soup. This is minnestrone.
 
                         
                                     MAN 2
                         Yeah, I had the minnestrone over here. 
                         
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         I am Professor Chaos, and now, this 
                         puny world uhwill bow down to me! 
 
                         
               [Montage 1 - A Day At The Amusement Park.]

                                     STAN
                          So today we went to the amusement park 
                         with all our possible friends.  It was 
                         a really fun time. We rode all the rides 
                         and everyone got along great.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          I think the person that stood out most 
                         at the amusement park was Jimmy. 
 
                         
                                     JIMMY
                          Well, the, the reason I think I would 
                         make the perfect foreh- friend, is that 
                         I love telling jokes. You know, who 
                         doesn't like to laugh?
 
                                     KYLE
                          Tweek. Now there's an interesting choice. 
                         Tweek has a lot of qualities that I 
                         look for in a friend.
 
                                     TWEEK
                          What if they don't pick me? What if 
                         they get us all, man! I mean, Christ! 
                         If they can get to the Pentagon, then 
                         they can get to us all, man! Aaaa!
 
                         
                                     DOG POO
                          I think I deserve to take Kenny's place 
                         the most, because, I've been hanging 
                         around these guys for like five years 
                         and I never get to say or do anything.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         ...Yeah, I've only seen that kid in 
                         class, but he never does anything. He's 
                         more like a prop. 
 
                                     KYLE
                          Towelie is a tough choice because, 
                          even though I can see how always having 
                         a towel around can come in handy, he's 
                         just always so high.
 
                                     TOWELIE
                          Man, I really hope I win, because... 
                         wait... why is this again? I have no 
                         idea what's goin' on.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         We decided to get some one-on-one time 
                         with Jimmy and ride the log ride.  The 
                         great thing was that, because Jimmy's 
                         crippled, we got to go to the front 
                         of the line.  That was definitely big 
                         points for Jimmy, you know, but, but 
                         then we got to the ride itself, and...
 
                         
                                     JIMMY
                          Hey, I-I'm gonna need some help getting 
                         in the log, fellas.
 
                                     RIDE OPERATOR
                         O! Shut her down. Someone needs assistance.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Oh, really?  That's gonna cost some 
                         points. 
 
                                     KYLE
                          But right now I'd say if we're gonna 
                         have a retard for a friend, I, I have 
                         to pick Timmy. Because Timmy doesn't 
                         tell any jokes.
 
                                     JIMMY
                          Boy, isn't this great fellas? Are we 
                         great pals or what?
 
                                     STAN
                          One thing for sure: picking our new 
                         freidn isn't gonna be easy.
 
               [South Park, day. Butters is still dressed as Professor Chaos, 
               still walking down the street. A dog walks across the street 
               and Butters stops next to it.]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Kneel. Kneel before Professor Chaos! 
                         
 
               [Butters' house, later. He makes it to his room and locks the 
               door. He cackles again]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Ah, the look on their faces when they 
                         got the wrong soup. I love bringing 
                         chaos!  And that's only the beginning! 
                         
 
               [Cartman's backyard, day. All the kids are seated as they were 
               yesterday. A box of roses sites on stage.]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, everyone. It was a tough 
                         decision, but based on our time with 
                         you all at the amusement park, we have 
                         whittled our choices down to ten.  If 
                         you receive a rose, please stay. If 
                         you don't, get the fudge out.  Kyle, 
                         will you announce the people we want 
                         to stay?
 
                                     KYLE
                          Token.  Clyde.  Craig  Timmy

                                     TIMMY
                         Timmih! 

                                     TWEEK
                         Oh man! This is too much pressure!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Pip  Jimmy  Jason  Towelie  Luigi .
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Just one more rose left, Kyle. Who does 
                         it go to?
 
                                     KYLE
                         Tweek.

                                     TWEEK
                         Aaarr! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, the rest of you, thanks for 
                         coming. Get the fudge out! 
 
                                     DOG POO
                          I didn't make the cut?? Oh God, I didn't 
                         make the cut??
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         I didn't even get a chance to have them 
                         get to know me!
 
                                     STAN
                         All right, congratulations to those 
                         of you selected to stay. In the end, 
                         one of you will be the new Kenny.  Good 
                         luck.
 
               [South Park, morning. Butters' house, kitchen. Linda is preparing 
               some breakfast and Butters comes in confidently]
 
                                     LINDA
                         Good morning, Butters.

                                     BUTTERS
                          It certainly is, Mother. Did ya hear 
                         about what's been goin' on? Some horrible 
                         new supervillain made somebody get the 
                         wrong soup order ot Bennigan's.
 
                                     LINDA
                         No,  I didn't hear about that.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Yeh, you didn't? 

               [Butters' house, living room. Butters walks up to Chris, who 
               is on the sofa reading the newspaper]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Uh Dad, can I uh can I see the newspaper 
                         real quick?
 
                                     CHRIS
                          Why sure, Butters. I was just about 
                         to get some breakfast. 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Nothing.  Nothing!  It's the liberal 
                         media! They're keeping the stories of 
                         my deads covered up, so as not to cause 
                         a panic. Well, I guess it's time to 
                         take it up a notch! 
 
               [The bus stop, later. Stan, Kyle and Cartman stand with Craig. 
               Scene music plays]
 
                                     STAN
                         Okay, next? 

                                     KYLE
                         This looks pretty good.

                                     STAN
                         Yeah,it's not bad. Next? 

                                     TIMMY
                         Timmay!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Next?

               [South Park Elementary, day. Most of the class is present. Stan, 
               Kyle, and Cartman stand at the front of the class. On the chalkboard 
               is the times table for 4]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Okay, so now we're gonna see how you 
                         all work as a friend during classtime. 
                         Your performances will be judged primarily 
                         on how you help us cheat and give us 
                         answers. So good luck, everybody.
 
                         
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                          Sit down, boys.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Alrighty then. 

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         All right, children, before we get started, 
                         has anybody seen the eraser for the 
                         chalkboard?  It probably got knocked 
                         on the floor somewhere. Can you all 
                         just please look around your desks for 
                         it? 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Yes. Look around for your precious 
                         eraser. You won't find it. That eraser's 
                         in my back yard, buried three feet below 
                         the surface of the earth.  And do you 
                         even suspect me?? No! Now we shall all 
                         see how you all like your dear chalkboard 
                         without an eraser.  And information, 
                         it just keeps pilin' up and pilin' up, 
                         until your minuscule brains can take 
                         it no longer! 
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         No? Oh, oh well. Never mind. I've got 
                         a backup one in the desk.  Okay, today 
                         children, we're gonna learn about multiplying 
                         times five.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          So! You all think that you can outsmart 
                         Professor Chaos, do you?!
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Now, whenever we multiply a number times 
                         five, the result is going to end in 
                         a zero or a five.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Ms. Choksondik,

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                          What is it, Butters?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Ah, I need to go to the bathroom. R-really 
                         bad.
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Oh alright Butters. Take the bathroom 
                         pass and go.  Okay, so for instance, 
                         children-
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Alright. I'm goin' to the bathroom 
                         now. If anybody needs me, ah that's 
                         where I'll be.
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Just go, Butters.  Okay, so for instance, 
                         five times one is... what, Eric?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Uh, what's the question again?

                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                          Five... times...  one.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Five times one is of course...

                                     THE CLASS
                          Five.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Five. 

                                     BUTTERS
                          The time for fun and games is over, 
                         feeble-minded fools! 
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Who are you?

                                     BUTTERS
                         I am Professor Chaos! Bringer of destruction 
                         and maker of doom! Those who do not 
                         know me yet shall know me very soon, 
                         for the hour of Chaos ih-is at hand! 
                         
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Hey! That kid took my last eraser!  
                         Come back here, kid! 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh! Ah, I'm back from the bathroom. 
                         Ah I really let one go in there.
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         Butters, did you see another little 
                         kid run out of here?
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Why yes, I did. But he pushed me down 
                         and I scraped my elbow.  Go on and look 
                         at it. It's scraped. Look.  Yeesss. 
                         Go on and see the red mark on my elbow, 
                         the red mark I made myself to throw 
                         you off Professor Chaos's trail.
 
                                     MS. CHOKSONDIK
                         It looks fine, Butters.  Okay, hold 
                         on and stay here, children. 
 
               [South Park Elementary, later. Recess. The kids are at play. 
               Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Craig are standing together]
 
                                     KYLE
                         You're such a fatass, Cartman!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh yeah?! Well, you're a stupid Jew!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Shut up, fatass! 

                                     CRAIG
                         Oh, aaaah, well you guys are dumb.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Okay, Craig, interesting choice. Powerful 
                         stuff there, Craig. Thank you very much. 
                         
 
               [Betters' house, night. Craig is at his desk working with his 
               hamster set.]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         It is almost ...complete. The creation 
                         of my minions who will assist me in 
                         bringing terror to the world.  There 
                         we go.  Ye-ess, my minions of, of chaos. 
                          Shhh. Night now, night now my lovelies. 
                         Your time to bring dest-struction will 
                         come very soon.  Aaahhh!
 
                                     LINDA
                          Butters, a note for you was left on 
                         the front door.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         A note?

                                     LINDA
                         Here you go.  And wash your hands after 
                         you touch those hamster - you'll get 
                         AIDS 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Okay, Mom.  So. Someone has discovered 
                         my horrible secret. This could be a 
                         trap set by the FBI. Oh, I'll be at 
                         the docks, precious FBI! But it is I 
                         who'll have the trap set for you! Come, 
                         my minions!  We haven't much time!
 
                         
               [Cartman's backyard, night. Stan, Kyle and Cartman are on stage 
               for the next round of elimination]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, everyone, the time has come 
                         for us to narrow the list down from 
                         ten to six. But first, let us just say 
                         that the people who we didn't pick were 
                         only not picked because they totally 
                         sucked balls. Kyle?
 
                                     PIP
                         They're not going to pick me. I just 
                         know they're not.
 
                                     TWEEK
                         O-oh Jesus! Aaah I can't take it!

                                     KYLE
                          Token.

                                     TOKEN
                         All right! 

                                     KYLE
                         Timmy.

                                     TIMMY
                         Timmay! 

                                     KYLE
                         Tweek.  Pip

                                     PIP
                         Really? I don't believe it. 

                                     KYLE
                         Towelie.

                                     PIP
                         What?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Just one mroe rose, Kyle.

                                     KYLE
                         Jimmy.

                                     JIMMY
                         Oh boy! Oh thank God! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, those with roses will move 
                         on to the swimsuit and talent competition. 
                         The rest of you, get the fudge out! 
                         
 
                                     CLYDE
                          This whole thing is stupid! You don't 
                         pick people you wanna be with by making 
                         it into a game!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Ooooooo, somebody's a sore loser! Clyde, 
                         I believe I said, "get the fudge out!" 
                         Which means, kiss mah fudgin' ass, go 
                         fudge yourself, fudge ya, get the fudge 
                         out, Clyde!
 
               [South Park docks, night. Under a red moon, Butters sneaks along 
               the docks, making sure no one sees him. He creeps from box to 
               box and peeks out from behind one. Another face peeks out from 
               behind a box at the other end of the docks. This face is younger, 
               with glasses]
 
                                     DOUGIE
                          Hey Butters.

                                     BUTTERS
                          Oh, hey Dougie.  Oh I mean, my name 
                         is Professor Chaos.
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         I saw you change in the school bathroom. 
                         You stole that eraser in your class.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Very well. You called out Professor 
                         Chaos, and you also called out, eh your 
                         own demise!  Go now, my minions. Go 
                         and take this, this foolish mortal down! 
                          Aw minions, naw, not that way. He- 
                          come back minions.
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         I'm, not trying to call you out, Professor 
                         Chaos. I want to join you.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Join me?

                                     DOUGIE
                         Yeah I want to join you in your conquest 
                         of destruction.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         But why?

                                     DOUGIE
                          I'm an outcast, too. A frail child 
                         cast aside by society. I want to follow 
                         you and... whatever you're doing.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Uh very well. You shall be my accomplice 
                         in evil. Together, we shall bring the 
                         world to its knees! A-and make all those 
                         who banished us from society run... 
                         red.
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         Do I get a neato costume made out of 
                         aluminum foil, too?
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well sure you do. Ah I am professor, 
                         and you shall be my general. From now 
                         on you are General... Disarray.
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         General Disarray.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Now let us go look for my minions!  
                         They ran away here, now to find 'em... 
                         
 
               [Montage 2 - The Swimsuit And Talent Competition. Stan, Kyle, 
               and Cartman sit on the chairs in the audience. The six remaining 
               candidates are on stage.]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          The swinsuit competition really gave 
                         us a fresh look at some of the candidates. 
                         
 
                                     JIMMY
                          Well, I don't think I did too well 
                         in the... bathing suit competition. 
                         But I can't wait for the talent show 
                         competition. That'll really my chance 
                         to... shine.  Wow, what a terrific audience. 
                         So anyway, a guy walks into a buh- ...A 
                         guy walks into a b- ...buh...  A guy 
                         walks into a guy walks into a  babuh 
                         ba-a-a, uh- 
 
                                     TOWELIE
                         Okay wait...  No, no wait. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Next please.

                                     TOKEN
                          Well, what am I supposed to do?

                                     KYLE
                         Anything that'll impress us, Token.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         If you were our friend, how would you 
                         keep us entertained?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Aaaah. Oh, I know. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Very nice. 

                                     STAN
                         I like it. 

                                     KYLE
                          Well Token was a definite winner for 
                         talent show. But then we decided to 
                         take everyone to a baseball game, to 
                         see how we got along there.
 
               [Coors Field in Denver. The game is underway. A shot of the field.]
 
               
                                     ANNOUNCER
                         There goes a hit to left field, and 
                         Foley's going to score.
 
               [the bleachers. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Pip sit and watch the 
               game]
 
                                     ALL
                         Woohoo!

                                     KYLE
                         Yeah! Isn't this great?!

                                     VENDOR
                          Kids, get your drinks here.

                                     PIP
                         Eho! Yes. Can I have some tea, please?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         You don't drink tea in a ballpark, you 
                         French piece of crap!
 
                                     PIP
                         Oh, very well. Just some crumpets, then.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, that does it! Pip, get the 
                         fudge out! Next! 
 
                                     STAN
                         Okay, let's try this. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey, what's wrong with the Jumbotron?
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         People of Earth! Your meaningless lives 
                         are about to end! I am Professor Chaos, 
                          and this is my partner ih-in evil, 
                         General Disarray! In the past few days 
                         I have rained terror down upon the society 
                         that shunned me! And now it is time 
                         for my Labor of Lonely! I am going to... 
                         flood... the world!
 
                                     MAN 3
                         Flood the world?

                                     MAN 4
                         My God!

                                     WOMAN
                          I don't wanna die,  I DON'T WANNA DIE!
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh yes. Every living creature and every 
                         sacred building will soon be under leagues 
                         and leagues of cold and dark water. 
                         And there is nothing you can do to stop 
                         me! General Disarray, begin the flooding 
                         of Earth!  You brought this upon yourselves! 
                         You made the outcasts of the world! 
                         Now watch! Watch as your precious planet 
                         drowns! Watch! 
 
                                     MAN 5
                         Jesus Christ, who will save us?

                                     MAN 6
                         We have very little time to live. How, 
                         how shall we spend our last hours on 
                         earth? 
 
                                     FANS
                         Yeah! All right! 

               [Butters' house, day. Butters and Dougie are in the back yard 
               watching their puddle grow and grow]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Our reign of terror is complete! Our 
                         tur- turmoil has now come full circle! 
                          Hey, is the hose on full, General Disarray? 
                         
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         It's on all the way.

                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh. Alright then. Nothing to do now 
                         but watch the world die!  Boy, this 
                         sure is takin' a long time.
 
               [Stan's house, dining room. The three boys sit at the table with 
               pictures of the six candidates. They discuss their findings.]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Okay, so how do we all feel about Towelie 
                         as our new friend? 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I think Towelie is awesome.

                                     KYLE
                         Towelie is cool, but he gets stoned 
                         all the time. You can't really rely 
                         on him for anything.
 
                                     STAN
                          Oh, this is giving me a headache.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Eh now,  come on, you guys, we can't 
                         take this decision lightly. Whoever 
                         we pick is going to be the person we 
                         do everything with from now on.
 
                                     STAN
                          You're right. Well now, how about Timmy? 
                          He's quiet and he takes direction well.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, but Timmy can be really self-centered.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         How about Token? 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Token's a smartass.

                                     KYLE
                         So? You're a smartass!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah. Do we really need another one?
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Good point. 

                                     JIMMY
                          Hey fellas. I was just in the neighborhood 
                         and I thought I'd stop by to s-gif- 
                         gift basket.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Oh, thanks Jimmy

                                     JIMMY
                         There's some chocolates and lih-licorice, 
                         and some games and peh- pencils inside.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         That's great.

                                     KYLE
                         Cool.

                                     JIMMY
                         Yeah well, I guess I'll be seeing you, 
                         you friends later. 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Alright Jimmy, see ya. 

                                     STAN
                         Suckup.

               [Butters' house, next day, backyard. The pool has covered much 
               of the yard. General Disarray jumps in the water as Professor 
               Chaos looks on passively on the porch]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Not long now, General Disarray, and... 
                         our horrible plan will be complete.
 
                         
                                     DOUGIE
                         Hey, do you think maybe we should build 
                         a boat? You know, like a little raft 
                         or something, so that when the world 
                         floods you and me and the minions can 
                         live?
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh yeah. I hadn't thought o' that. That's 
                         a pretty good idea. I'll go get a hammer. 
                          Hey, who is that? 
 
                                     WORKER 1
                         Is this it?

                                     WORKER 2
                         Yeah, two thirteen, that's the one. 
                         
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Heeyyy, what are you doin'?  Aaaah! 
                         You may have won this time! But I will 
                         be back!
 
                                     DOUGIE
                         What do we do now?

                                     BUTTERS
                          Well I had another idea of how to kill 
                         the world, but I thought it was... almost 
                         too horrible to e- to even speak of, 
                         but-  but now they have left me with 
                         no other choice!
 
               [Cartman's backyard, day. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are on stage 
               while the candidates sit in the audience. Pip is missing]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, this is it. We have made our final 
                         decision and one of you is who we will 
                         be spending our childhood with, as our 
                         new friend. 
 
                                     JIMMY
                         Oh puh please. Oh, Oh God... please. 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Four friends, just one rose. The moment 
                         of truth is here. Kyle? Who does the 
                         rose go to? 
 
               [A hilltop, later. Butters reaches the top of a hill carrying 
               a box, with a red sky above him. He sets the box down]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         This is is, General Disarray. My final 
                         solution. 
 
                                     DOUGIE
                          What evil plot do you have this time, 
                         Professor Chaos?
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Simple, my dear general. We are going 
                         to tear down the Earth's precious atmosphere! 
                         Oh yes! My latest plan will melt the 
                         polar ice caps, a-and burn all the world 
                         with the, with the... hu- sun's harmful 
                         rays!  Say goodbye to your... precious 
                         ozone and hello to chaos!  Okay, hand 
                         me another one, General Disarray. 
 
                         
                                     ANNOUNCER
                         Will Professor Chaos's latest plot succeed 
                         and be the final undoing of Earth?  
                         And which boy has been chosen to be 
                         the replacement for Kenny?  And which 
                         of these six South Park residents was 
                         killed, and will never be seen again? 
                          The answer to those questions will 
                         be answered... right now.  No.  Tweek. 
                          Ms. Choksondik.
 
               THE END

Professor Chaos



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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