[South Park Elementary playrgound, recess or lunch. The camera
pans across the playground and settles on two teams of seven
players each. A football lies on the ground between the two groups.
The group left of the football consists of Stan, Kyle, Cartman,
Kenny, Butters, Token, and Clyde. The second includes Craig,
Tweek, Kevin, Pip, and three others]
All right, you guys, it's first down.
I'll hike the ball on the third "set
hut!" Kyle and Cartman, go deep post
out. Kenny, run a slant down the middle.
Butters, be ready for the screen.
Right. What are we playing again?
Okay. 23! Blue, 23! Set hut! Set hut!
Wendy breaks up.
Wendy breaks up with you.
Oh whoa, wait a minute. What did I
do wrong? I haven't even talked to Wendy
She just doesn't wanna be with you anymore.
She said she still wants to be friends.
What-ever, Bebe! Like Stan really cares!
Just get out of our football game, you
Fuck you, fatass! You guys are assholes!
Oh yeah? Huwell, at least we have assholes,
you dumb girl!
God, you're so stupid!
What a whore!
Yeah! Like Stan gives a crap if Wendy
breaks up! Stan?
Come on, Stan, it's first down still.
[Stan is next seen walking onto a small red stone bridge. The
next scene has him walking down the middle of a two-lane road
in the rain. He stops to take in the moist air. The next scene
has him back on the bridge, looking over the creek with his head
on his right hand. On the water he sees a reflection of Wendy
walk up to him. She's smiling. He brightens as she approaches.
He turns to greet her, but there's no one to greet. He looks
back at the creek, then turns around and walks off. The next
scene has him at a rainy night sitting on the curb in a run-down
part of town, under a working street light, with his face buried
in his legs, crying. The last scene has him in his room, sitting
on the floor by his bed, looking at a picture of Wendy. He gently
strokes the picture, which has Wendy holding a daisy and smiling
broadly. On the picture are written the words "I love you forever.
Wendy." The image fades to black]
[South Park Elementary, day. In the hallway Craig goes to a drinking
fountain for a drink of water. Fosse and Dog Poo walk towards
the camera. Stan is at the far end watching Wendy open her locker.
Stan looks away and walks towards Kyle, who's seated next to
his locker reading a book.]
Kyle, will you talk to Wendy for me?
'Cause I need to know why she broke
Aw, dude, come on. I gotta do my science
Dude, please. I might still have a
chance to make things work. Please,
just go talk to her?
God damnit! Wendy, Stan wants to know
why you break up.
Look, Stan is really nice. I just don't
wanna be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore.
I've been wanting to break up for a
while. but it's, it's nothing against
'K. She says she's been wantin' to
break up for a while, and it's nothing
What? That's no answer! Go tell her
to be more direct with me.
No dude, I'm out. Go talk to her yourself.
Kyle, this is my life. Jimmy!
Jimmy, will you go talk to Wendy for
For- Forw- Forw-w-w what?
Just go talk to her an, and be poetic.
Tell her she's my Muse-no! Tell her,
tell her... she's a con-tinuing source
of inspiration to me.
She's a continuing source of inspiration
...Okay. Hey uh-Wen, hey wu-Wemdy.
Stan says your a cont... you're a- cont-
S-Stan says you're a cont- cont-
Well tell Stan to stop!!
-cont- You're a cont-tinuing source
of inspiration to him.
She just- w-walked away, Stan. You're
gonna have to face facts. It's over.
We came over to cheer you up, Stan!
Stan, you can't keep doing this to yourself.
You have to go live.
Why? What's the point of living when
the only girl I ever loved is gone?
God, what a fag!
Dude, not now!
You guys have no idea how this feels.
It's like, you always hear songs about
a broken heart and you think it's just
a figure of speech? But it's true. My
chest hurts. I feel this like, sinking
feeling where my heart is. It's broken...
Jeez, he's worse than I thought.
Well what do we do now?
Should I try telling him a fa-fantastic
No. We just have to show him that there's
other girls out there. I say we take
him to Raisins.
[Next day, Raisins, a Hooters-like restaurant with al-fresco
dining. The boys enter the restaurant, and a pretty little girl
in a Raisins outfit walks up. Other girls walk around, all seem
to work there]
Hey guys, welcome to Raisins. Six of
you? Right over here.
So you guys having a good time today?
How about some more fun fries, guys?
Boy, am I glad you guys came in. Everyone
here is such a loser, but you guys seem
Here you go, guys. Lexus will be right
What do you think, Stan. These girls
are pretty cute, huh?
Jesus Christ, I think I've died and...
gone to... heaven.
This place is awesome!
How do you know? We haven't even tried
the food yet.
How are we doing this afternoon?
I'm so glad you guys came in. Everyone
here is such a loser, but you guys seem
So what can I get you?
Okay, um, we're gonna get the zingy
tangy wings, and mozzarella tasty tarts
and uh, OH, and the bite-size pizzazzas,
and a pitcher of lemonade.
Great. I'll put your order in right
You guys! I think our Raisins girl likes
me. She, she touched my back when she
walked away. Did you see that?
Hey. Hey, look over there, Stan. That
Raisins girl is really cure, huh? Why
don't you say hi to her? Excuse me?
Hi guys. My name's Porsche.
Hey. Uh, this is Stan.
Oh hey cutie. How are you? I love your
hat. I used to have a hat juuust like
that, except, it was black and it didn't
have a puffball on it. Oh my God, my
hands are sooo cold. How come people
have hands, anyway? Did you ever wonder
[Some time later, still dining. The Village People's "YMCA" begins
to play, and some Raisins girls begin to dance]
Omigod! You guys... this is the greatest
place in the world...
Have you ever noticed how much sand
there is at the beach? I mean, haven't
you ever wondered where all this sand
came from? Omigod, this one time, I
saw a beetle that was thiiis big. Eeewww!
Can we go, please?
Okay. Okay, come on you guys.
Oooh my God, thank you guys sooo much
for coming to Raisins!
Oooh, sweetie, are you leaving?
Well, I don't want to, Lexus, but my
stupid friends wanna go.
Awww, well, when am I gonna get to see
When do you wanna see me?
As soon as possible!
Oh my God! Here, we left you a tip already,
but here is another five dollars.
Oooh, you are such a sweetie. Come here,
Bye, guys! Thanks for coming to Raisins!
Well, Stan. Do you feel, uhb- better
No, dude, I feel worse!
Look, we're just trying to show you
there's other girls out there.
Dude, I don't have time to start over
with other girls. I'm nine years old,
dude! If I don't work things out with
Wnedy, I could be alone my whole life!
She wants to see me again! My Raisins
girl said she wants to see me again!
I can't let Wendy go. This whole time
I've been having my friends do all thealking
for me. It's time I took control!
What are you doing?
Something I should have done a long
[Bebe's house, night. Stan walks towards the fromt door, looks
around, and knocks three times. No response, so he knocks again.
The door opens and Bebe appears]
Bebe, you need to go talk to Wendy for
me right now! All this time I've been
trying to have my friends do all the
talking for me! Now I realize I need
her friends to do it! Tell her I love
Stan, why don't you show her you love
her? If you really want Wendy back,
try doing the most romantic thing you
can think of.
Okay, so what's the most romantic thing
I can think of?
If you really want a shot at getting
her back, stand outside her window,
hold a boombox over your head, and play
[Wendy's house, night. Stan stands on the lawn with a boombox,
looking up at Wendy's window. He presses the play button and
holds up the boombox. Peter Gabriel's "Shock the Monkey" plays
from somewhere in the middle. Wendy appears at the window and
looks down, her jaw dropping. Stan holds the boombox higher,
keeping Wendy's gaze on him. Wendy covers her mouth as Token
appears next to her at the window. Stan's jaw drops. Wendy leaves
the window. Token unleashes the curtain ties, and the curtains
close upon the window]
[Raisins, night, outside. The outside lights turn off. Butters
waits outside on the curb with a present. The front door opens
and Lexus appears. Butters rises to greet her]
Okay, Porsche, see you tomorrow. Bye,
Uh oh. Uh, hi, sweetie.
I waited all night for you to get off
Oh, really? Huhunh, that's great. Uhm,
I I just could- I just couldn't stop
thinking about you.
There a problem?
Could you uh just help walk me to my-
Thanks again for the big tip. You are
such a sweetie. Come back and see me
real soon, okay?
Oh wait, Lexus. Jeheez, I almost forgot.
Ah I got you this present.
Oh wow. Thanks, cutie.
It's a little stuffed bear dressed as
Gosh, that's the nicest gift I've gotten
all night. Thank you. Well I gotta
go, honey. Be sure to come back to Raisins
and see me again, okaaay?
Well yeah, but, but, hey, hey Lexus?
Well I was thinking, well, I was thinking
that we should- go do something sometime.
Oh gee, that would be great, honey,
but I'm reeeally busy this week. Tell
you what: you come back to Raisins and
then we'll be able to hang out all we
Bye, bye darling! Wow... a real-life
[South Park Elementary, day. All the boys are in various stages
of dress. Most of them are in their P.E. uniforms]
All right, kids! Out on the gym floor
for P.E. class.
Come on, Stan. We're gonna play dodgeball.
I can't believe it. She's in love with
Dude, you need to snap out of this!
So Wendy left you for Token. What are
you gonna do? Just be miserable your
There's nothing else I can do. She was
my whole life.
Aw, come on, dude! All you've done for
the last four days is mope around! You
might as well hang out with those Goth
kids who dress in black and talk about
pain all the time!
Maybe I should. At least they will understand
me. Maybe I should hang with the Goth
[South Park Elementary, loading bay. Stan finds the boys]
Life is pain. Life is only pain. We're
all taught to believe in happy fairytale
endings. But there's only blackness.
Dark, depressing loneliness that eats
at your soul.
Who needs that kind of Barbie love,
anyway? Everyone's just walking around
like a bunch of conforminsts. Go ahead
and wear your business suits so you
can make thirty-four thousand dollars
a year to buy your condominium. They're
all zombies racing to their graves.
Love didn't work for my mom and dad.
Why should it work for me?
My dad is such an asshole. Drunken bastard
doesn't even know I exist. But then
he won't let me go to the Skinny Puppy
concert because my heroine-addict aunt
is coming over for dinner. Dinner?
That's a laugh. Just an excuse for my
mom to bitch at me for not wearing girly
clothes like all the Britney Spears
wannabes at this school.
They're all a bunch of Nazi conformists
But if life is only pain, then... what's
the point of living?
Just to make life more miserable for
All right, so how do I join you?
If you wanna be one of the non-conformists,
all you have to do is dress just like
us and listen to the same music we do.
[Raisins, day. Raisins is preparing for a new day of food and
fun. Mercedes escorts a new employee around]
Okay, I know it's your first day, Ferrari,
so I wanna go over the basics with you.
First of all, there's a five foot rule.
If you come within five feet of a customer,
you need to acknowledge them, even if
they're not at your table. "Hey, cudie."
When you're not serving food or talking
with customers, you need to dance around
and have fun. We use things like Hula
Hoops, silly strings, and water guns
to play with the other girls. Be sure
to giggle a lot, and be sure to show
off your raisins. Now, when you take
a customer's order, you need to sit
down at the table with them and make
them think you're interested. Write
your name down for them and make them
feel special. "Oh man, I am so bored.
Thank God you guys came in." If you
want good tips, the most important thing
is physical contact. Just a simple hold
of the arm can mean the difference between
five and twenty dollars. "I'll be right
back with your order, guys."
Wow, thank you so much, Mercedes.
Okay. Well, I guess we're ready to open
for business. Good luck. Go ahead and
open for business, Porsche!
Hi, welcome to Raisins!
Hi! Is Lexus here?
How are we doing today?
Oh God. I missed you so much.
[The Goth girl's room. It's quite the room, with posters for
Happy Puppy and the Nothing Matters tour, a Blauhaus poster,
candles all around, a mace on the floor, cigarettes next to a
book, an ornate candelabrum and chair, and a darkened atmosphere.]
Drowning alone, I gasp for air.
Coldness creeps over pale skin.
There is sadness so deep it pulls me down
Happiness dies in a deep, dark sea.
Yeah, happiness dies.
All right, your turn, Stan. Read one
of your poems about pain.
There is darkness all around me
Deep, piercing black, I cannot breathe
My heart has been raped.
The pain is everlasting.
I miss you so much, babe.
Want to hold you in my arms again, girl.
Whoa, whoa! Dude! Those last two lines
No, dude! You can't say "I miss you
so much, babe. I want to hold you in
Make it "I miss seeing you so much I
wanna slash my eyes out with razor blades."
GOTH GIRL'S MOM
Henrietta! Hi sweetie!
Go away Mom! Leave me alone!
Daddy and I just got your birthday present!
But you can't see what it is till tomorrow!
You'd like to wait till I was dead,
wouldn't you? You'd like to see maggots
eat my face.
Ee-you are so creative, honey.
[Raisins, day. Two of the Raisins girls are entertaining the
child customers, who respond enthusiatically. The phone rings
and Porsche arrives to answer it.]
Thanks for calling Raisins. This is
Porsche. Have you tried our Double Whammy
Hi. Is Lexus there, please? This is
Thanks for calling Raisins. This is
Hi, sweetie! Who's this?
Wuh it's me, Butters.
Oh, okay. Hi, cutie. Hey sweetie.
So how are you, honey?
I'm fine. I miss you though. Yeah,
school was pretty tough today. We had
two quizzes, and one of them was a pop
quiz. Sometimes I think our classes
are too hard. But I thought about you
all day long. I promise. So how is your
Hey, hey sweetie, I was thinking tonight
you could come over and we could watch
The Exorcist on DVD.
Oh, gee, I don't know, cutie. Why don't
you just come down to Raisins?
Oh well, uh I kinda don't have any money
left. Unh, I spent it all on Raisins
the last six times.
Awww, that's too bad, cutie. I really
wanna see you.
Oh, I really wanna see you too, baby.
Eh don't, don't worry. I'll get more
'K sugar. Gotta run.
Uh-okay. Uh, hey, Lexus, well, there's
something I've been meaning to say.
Here it goes: Lexus, I- Oh jeeze, maybe
I shouldn't say it- no wait, I want
to say it. I love you. Heeheee, heh,
Oh my God.
[Butters' house, living room. Butters arrives there moments later
and faces the couch]
Dad, I need an advance on my allowance
O-hoo no Butters! You got an advance
two days ago.
Uh but I spent it all.
What are you spending all that money
On my girlfriend.
You... have a girlfriend, Butters?
And she's... a... girl, right?
Well all right! Good for you, Butters!
Oh, that is so cute. When do we get
to meet her?
Well, I was hopin' to go see her right
now. You can come alone. But don't
embarass me or nothin'. I'm sure she'll
be real nervous to impress you.
Don't worry, Butters. We just wanna
say hi and then we'll leave you two
You see? I told you he wouldn't turn
All right, you win.
[Benny's, night. "We're always open." The Goth kids are seated
at a booth drinking coffee. A middle-aged waitress walks by with
a pot of coffee]
Hey, can we get more coffee over here?
Damnit, are you kids just gonna sit
here all night again and drink six dollars'
work of coffee?! Why don't you get a
Conformist. Have fun in your rat-race
life, living paycheck to paycheck for
Dude, you haven't drank your coffee.
Well I don't drink coffee.
You can't be a non-conformist if you
don't drink coffee.
Oh Jesus Christ, I had to see it to
believe it! What the hell are you doing?!
Breathing deep in darkness that envelops
God-damnit dude, your mom and dad want
you to come home!
So they can fill my head with more Disney
lies about how perfect the world is?
I don't think so.
Yeah. Why don't you just go back to
your Justin Timberlake and your homework,
you conformist asshole? You just don't
know what real pain is.
Oh, like you know what pain is! Go try
living in a Third-World country, you
I'm not gonna live in a Third-World
country with all the conforminsts.
Stan, this is it. Time to stop feeling
sorry for yourself and come home! Everyone
cares about you and everyone wants you
What about Wendy? Isn't she still with
Yeah. She is.
Then people shouldn't care about me-ehhh.
Because I don't care about them. What's
the point of caring if all it brings
Fine. That's it. I give up. Have fun
[Raisins, night. Butters and his parents arrive.]
Here we are, Mom and Dad!
Hi, welcome to Raisins. Three of you?
Hi, Mercedes. It's me, Lexus's boyfriend.
I brought my parents over to meet her.
Great. Be sure to try our Cheddar Poppers.
Right this way.
Who else wants a signed Raisins Girls
calendar for five dollars?
Woohoo, all right, yeah!
Stephen, what is this place?
I, don't know.
Here you go. Porsche will by right
Go ahead and have a seat, guys. Ah I've
gotta go and find Lexus!
Hey cutie, you having a good time?
Oh boy, I think I know what's happened.
Our son hasn't learned yet that girls
will pretend to like him for money.
This place is horrible. To objectify
girls like this.
Hi guys. Can I take your order?
Little girl, you shouldn't be working
I shouldn't? Where I supposed to be
No, I mean you shouldn't work somewhere
where you're paid for how you look.
You should be learning a skill so you
can grow up to be a businesswoman or
even a doctor. Who knows? You could
I could cure cancer? Omigod! That would
be sooo cool! I had a cancer sore on
my lip once and it hurt sooo bad.
... Oh. Never mind, I think Raisins
might be the perfect place for you.
Mom? Dad? This is Lexus.
Hi. Welcome to Raisins.
Uh, Butters, can we have a little talk
with you? Outside?
Huh? Oh anything you have to say to
me you can say in front of Lexus.
Butters, these girls pretend to be interested
in you because they know you'll give
You see, Butters, women know that they
can make men do anything by flirting.
And some girls, like these, turn that
into a profession.
Oh, I see. You don't approve of my
girlfriend! Well let me tell you somethin',
Mom and Dad, our love is as pure as
a mountain spring! The odds may be stacked
against us, but we're gonna give it
our best shot! And so, if you can't
be happy for us, y-you can just go to
heck, Mom and Dad! Come on, Lexus.
I'm movin' out of my parents' house
and I'm movin' in with you. Uh let's
blow this joint!
What are you talking about, kid? We
are NOT boyfriend and girlfriend.
... What? Lexus, what are you saying?
Are you saying... you don't want to
be together anymore?
I'm sorry, sweetie.
So that's it? We're broken up now?
I gotta get these curly fries to Table
Well go ahead and go. It's best we don't
say anything more. There's nothing left
to say. It's over. Our relationship
[Run-down part of town, night. The conditions surrounding Stan's
presence there a week ago are present again, and Butters sobs
at the same spot Stan did, at the curb under a working street
light. Some shadows move in on him and stop when they cover most
of his head]
Look at this. Another tortured soul.
Another life of pain. Hey Raven, check
Oh Uh hey, hey Stan.
What's the matter with you?
Well, mu mu mu girlfriend broke up
Did she step on your heart with stiletto
Yeah. It sure does hurt.
That's cool. I guess you can join up
with us if you want.
Yeah. We're gonna go to the graveyard
and write poems about death and how
pointless life is.
Uh, uhm no thanks. I I love life.
Huh? But you just got dumped
Wuh-ell yeah, and I'm sad, but at the
same time I'm really happy that somethin'
could make me feel that sad. It's like,
ih ih, ih it makes me feel alive, you
know? It makes me feel human. And the
only way I could feel this sad now is
if I felt somethin' really good before.
So I have to take the bad with the good,
so I guess what I'm feelin' is like
a, beautiful sadness. I guess that sounds
No. No, Butters, that doesn't sound
stupid at all.
Well, thanks for offerin' to let me
in your clique, guys, uh but, to be
honest, I'd rather be a cryin' little
pussy than a faggy Goth kid. Well see
He's right. I don't even know who I
am anymore. I like liking life a whole
lot more than hating it. Screw you guys,
I'm goin' home.
Go ahead and go back to your sunshine
[South Park Elementary, playground. The school kids are back
at play. The same two teams face off, except that Bill has replaced
Token on Stan's team, and Stan hasn't arrived yet]
Okay, it's third down. And now, somebody
make a play!
Hey, can I join in?
What happened? Aren't you still wallowing
Yeah, it still hurts a lot, but ...I
just realized that there's gonna be
a lot of painful times in life, so,
I'd better learn to deal with it the
right way. Hey Wendy! You're a bitch.
Token? Right here, buddy.
Well. Dude, it's uh it's good to have
Yeah. Let's play ball.