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                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                      Episode 313


                              "STARVIN' MARVIN IN SPACE!"


                                      Written by 


                       Trey Parker, Matt Stone & Kyle McCulloch






               [Space. A small ship makes its way towards earth. An alien flies 
               the ship. It has a big brain, and its head is covered with veins 
               that stick out.]
 
                                     MARKLAR
                         Marklar, this is Marklar. Approaching 
                         Marklar.
 
                                     MARKLAR DISPATCHER
                         Proceed with marklar and make first 
                         contact.
 
                                     MARKLAR
                         Marklar.  Greetings, Marklar, I am Marklar. 
                          I come in marklar.  Oh, marklar.  AAAAAAAAAA! 
                         
 
               [Fade to next day, the Ethiopian desert under the hot sun. The 
               Ethiopians laze about in front of their huts, having nothing 
               to do. The camera pans past the hut to a small white church with 
               a simple cross and a white picket fence.]
 
                                     WOMAN
                         Hello, everyone. I am Sister Hollis. 
                         I was chosen for my mission work to 
                         come here to Africa and teach you all 
                         about the teachings of Jesus.  Okay 
                         then, do we have our Bibles that were 
                         handed out freely?  No no no, we don't 
                         eat the Bibles, we read them.  Now, 
                         let's turn to Mark 3:19.  Come on, remember 
                         : reading Bible plus accepting Jesus 
                         equals food.  Good. Now, who can read 
                         Mark 3:19? How about... Marvin? 
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Doundobi godia dyum * *

                                     HOLLIS
                         No, Marvin, in God's language. English.
 
                         
                                     MARVIN
                         Dongdin * * mium bidu 

                                     HOLLIS
                         Where are you going? Back to your life 
                         of sin? Don't you understand that unless 
                         you find Christ, you and all your people 
                         are doomed to eternal hellfire? 
 
                                     ETHIOPIANS
                         Ooooohhh. 

                                     MARVIN
                         Duo bet tum debettum * * ghm * *?  Mah 
                         tah guum tyum * * ghm tm tm. 
 
                                     ETHIOPIAN
                         Necah * * necundat? 

                                     CHIEF
                         Nn * * de co?

                                     MARVIN
                         Umi chu. 

                                     ETHIOPIAN WOMAN
                         Wobe dabiga gm * *.

                                     MARVIN
                         Gobede *. 

               
               Starvin

               Marvin] 	In

               Space!]

               [In Star Wars fashion, the camera moves from space down and right 
               to a sunny day in South Park. The camera settles on South Park 
               Elementary as the bell rings. Class is now in session]
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         ...And so, children, that's why Hare Krishnas 
                         are totally gay.  Uh, can I help you?
 
                         
                                     AGENT 1
                         Yes. I'm Connelly, and this is Sphinx. 
                         We're with the CIA.
 
                                     SPHINX
                         We're here to speak with some of your 
                         students.  You , you , you , and you 
                         .
 
                                     MR. GARRISON
                         Oh, for Pete's sake, what have you bastards 
                         done now?!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey! That was Kyle that went #2 in the 
                         urinal!
 
                                     KYLE
                         No it wasn't, fatass! I saw you do it!
 
                         
                                     CONNELLY
                         Boys, we need to talk to you about a 
                         matter of national security. Now!
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (Huh?) 

                                     MR. GARRISON
                         I hope you give them the chair!  Anyway, 
                         children, as I was saying, Hare Krishnas 
                         are totally gay. 
 
               [A military complex. The boys are seated inside a hangar, with 
               a lamp shining on them.]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh, dude, this is not cool!

                                     KYLE
                         Relax, fatass.

                                     CARTMAN
                         No. Dude, I've seen this on TV. They 
                         shine that light in your face, and then 
                         they try to get you to tell them stuff 
                         by squeezing your balls really hard.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         What??

                                     CARTMAN
                         Dude, I've seen it! They grab your balls 
                         with their leather-gloved hands and 
                         they squeeze 'em as hard as they can 
                         until they pop like little grapes!
 
                         
                                     STAN, KYLE
                         Ow, dude! 

                                     CARTMAN
                          Start with Kenny! Start with Kenny! 
                         
 
                                     SPHINX
                         Relax, boys. We just need to talk with 
                         you.
 
                                     STAN
                         * I told you, fatass.

                                     CONNELLY
                         Approximately 31 hours ago, an ethnic-looking 
                         child was spotted flying some kind of 
                         state-of-the-art space craft over Chinese 
                         air space.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Whoa, cool.

                                     SPHINX
                         Cool? That craft appears to have enough 
                         plutonium fuel on board to blow up a 
                         large city! Do you think that's cool?!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Totally!

                                     CONNELLY
                         Alright, children, we just need to know 
                         one thing: Do you know this person? 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Heeyy, that's Starvin' Marvin.

                                     STAN
                         Sshh!

                                     CONNELLY
                         Who?

                                     KYLE
                         You dumbass, Cartman! Now they're gonna 
                         go squeeze his balls!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh. We don't know him.

                                     SPHINX
                         We already know you know him. We have 
                         this!  Now, who is he?! 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Kyle's makin' mudpies; you guys want 
                         one? 
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         This is getting us nowhere. We'll have 
                         to resort to more drastic measures.
 
                         
                                     SPHINX
                         But they're just kids. We can't torture 
                         them.
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         Look, we don't know what that craft 
                         is capable of, but the kid is going 
                         to have to land it somewhere. God only 
                         knows what sadistic backwards Third-World 
                         country could get their hands on that 
                         ship!
 
               [Australia. The ship heads towards it, with a song playing in 
               the cockpit. Marvin is emjoying his flight, but the screen tells 
               him to debark]
 
                                     SINGER
                         Soaring so high above the world,

               Never thought I could be so free.

               I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see.

                                     MAN 1
                          Oy, look up there! 

                                     MAN 2
                         It's a UFO! 

                                     CROWD
                          Oohh?!

                                     MARVIN
                          Dogom * Dommm * *.

                                     MAN 3
                         Boy, that's one creeepy alien.

                                     MARVIN
                         Gmm * Mmm-mm * *.

                                     MAN 4
                          Talk to 'im, Mayor. 

                                     MAYOR
                         Great and noble alien creature. As Mayor 
                         of the fine planet of Australia, I welcome 
                         you to our fine... planet of Australia. 
                         Chippy chip
 
                                     CROWD
                         Churrah! 

                                     MAYOR
                         Look out, he's got a gun! 

                                     MAN 5
                         Wait, it's not a gun. It's a piece of 
                         paper.
 
                                     MAYOR
                         Oh.  Oh, I thingk he's tryin' to tell 
                         us that he wants to relocate all his 
                         species here to Australia.
 
                                     MARVIN
                         * * Muogleblabla mb'g * *.

                                     MAYOR
                         Well, you certainly are all welcome 
                         'ere, alien. In fact, there's a mission 
                         right over there that will take all 
                         your people in. 
 
                                     WOMAN
                         Hello-o. 

                                     MAYOR
                         Guess the little pecker doesn't like 
                         missionaries.
 
               [The military complex. The children are being tortured, but not 
               physically. They moan and grunt]
 
                                     SPHINX
                         Now, I'll ask you again. Who is the 
                         little boy that took our ship?
 
                                     STAN
                         We don't know. 

                                     THE BOYS
                         Aaaaaaaa!  Aaaaaaaa!

                                     CONNELLY
                          Who is this person!

                                     CARTMAN
                          K-kill me.

                                     CONNELLY
                         Do it again. 

                                     THE BOYS
                         Aaaaaaaa!

                                     CARTMAN
                         No wait. I'll tell you.  He's, he's 
                         a little starving Ethiopian kid. We 
                         adopted him.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Cartman!

                                     SPHINX
                         Adopted from whom?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Sally. Sally Struthers. The lady on 
                         TV. She knows everything. Sally Struthers.
 
                         
                                     CONNELLY
                         Sally Struthers!

                                     SPHINX
                         Where can we find her?!

                                     CONNELLY
                         I know exactly where Sall Struthers 
                         is. Let them go.
 
                                     KYLE
                         God job, fatass!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Dude, I couldn't take anymore of that 
                         balloon. Another couple hours of that, 
                         and I would've been totally pissed off.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                          Whatever. Let's go see what's on TV.
 
                         
               [Ethiopia, the FEED THE CHILDREN FOUNDATION bulding. The agents 
               sit in the lobby reading newspapers]
 
                                     RECEPTIONIST
                         Gentlemen, Ms. Struthers can see you 
                         now. 
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         I'm warning you, Bill. Sally Struthers 
                         is a bit heavy. But don't say anything, 
                         because she's pretty sensitive.
 
                                     SPHINX
                         Oh, I would never say anything. I saw 
                         some show where they made fun of Sally 
                         Struthers' weight, and I thought it 
                         was totally cruel. I mean, she helps 
                         people, you know. 
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         Ah, Ms. Struthers.

                                     SALLY
                         Oh ho ho ho.  Un chaka solo david. Saime 
                         no Chewbacca dakaiminbi? ho ho. 
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         Ms. Struthers. We understand you have 
                         helped raise millions of dollars to 
                         help starving children in Ethiopia.
 
                         
                                     SALLY
                         Oh? Makarendae bi cho.  Ho ho ho.

                                     CONNELLY
                         We need information on one of the Ethiopians. 
                         You must tell us everything you know 
                         about him. 
 
                                     SALLY
                         Do ba kim.

                                     SPHINX
                         Uh, heh-his name is Starving Marvin.
 
                         
                                     SALLY
                          Jonoba unko chocolate Yum Yum bar ancho? 
                         
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         Why, yes. It is a chocolate Yum Yum 
                         bar, Ms. Struthers , and there are several 
                         more where that came from.  Of course, 
                         if you don't want to tell us about the 
                         Ethiopian boy...
 
                                     SALLY
                         Mmmmo na ka!

                                     CONNELLY
                          I'm... glad we can do business.

               [Cartman's house, night. The boys are on the sofa watching TV. 
               Cartman has the remote]
 
                                     STAN
                         Come on, dude. There's gotta be somethin' 
                         about Starvin' Marvin in the news.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, I can't find anything- wait. What's 
                         this? 
 
                                     PAT
                         Uh, God wants you to send us money. 
                         He needs you to send us money so we 
                         can help others.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh, my God, this guy again. 

                                     KYLE
                         Why would anybody send this asshole 
                         money? 
 
                                     KENNY
                         (To pay for the pockets on his peehole) 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeh-hah. 

                                     BOYS
                         Whoa! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh! Aww!  Oh, weak! 

                                     KYLE
                         Starvin' Marvin!

                                     MARVIN
                         Bongi groinit * *.

                                     KYLE
                         He did take a ship.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Well nice job, Marvin! I hope you got 
                         about a thousand dollars to pay for 
                         my house!
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Ingan *.

                                     STAN
                         Dude, you're gonna get busted for taking 
                         this thing.
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Chede gwodum * * godom.

                                     KYLE
                         I think he wants us to get in.

                                     STAN
                         Kick ass!  Wow, this thing is awesome!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Let's go somewhere. 

                                     SINGER
                         Soaring so high above the world,

               Never thought I could be so free.

                                     STAN
                          Wow!

                                     KYLE
                         Yes!

                                     SINGER
                         I'm one with the birds, and magic is 
                         all I see.
 
                                     STAN
                         This is great!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, but where's that crappy song coming 
                         from? Could you turn that off? 
 
                                     MARVIN
                          Gmmm?

                                     STAN
                         Yeah, that's better.

               [Ethiopia, day. A man tries to rise, but doesn't have the energy 
               to do it]
 
                                     MAN
                         Oooh. 

                                     HOLLIS
                         Hello? Howare we doing today? Look what 
                         I got for you.
 
                                     MAN
                          Nn * wohg *?

                                     HOLLIS
                         No, it's not food. It's a cross.  And 
                         it has your Christian name printed on 
                         it. From now on, you are Michael. Can 
                         you say "Michael"?  Mmmi-chael.  Oh, 
                         well. You'll get it.  Hello, brother 
                         David. Do you have any sins to confess? 
                          Anybody? Sins to confess? Joshua?  
                         You know, today I'm reminded of Psalm 
                         46, line 39: "Though the mountains shake 
                         and th-" 
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         Here they are!

                                     HOLLIS
                         Who are you?

                                     CONNELLY
                         We're with the American government! 
                         Sally Struthers told us where we'd find 
                         Marvin's parents!
 
                                     SPHINX
                         Hello there, Mr. amd Mrs. Clickclickderk. 
                         I think you know why we're here. 
 
                         
               [The Marklar ship, night. The boys are flying over a desert]
 
               
                                     KYLE
                         No, dude, you don't wanna bring your 
                         people to Mexico, there's missionaries 
                         there, too.
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Blubedegub? 

                                     CARTMAN
                         No way, not Utah. Utah's nothin' but 
                         missionaries.
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, it looks like he's tried everywhere 
                         in the world. 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, he hasn't been here yet. Where's 
                         this? 
 
                                     BOYS
                         Whooaaa! 

                                     STAN
                         What the hell did you hit, Cartman?! 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Oh, my God! What the hell is that thing?! 
                         
 
                                     BOYS
                         Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 

                                     KYLE
                          Where are we?

                                     MARVIN
                         Gobin gobedo * * gowog. 

                                     STAN
                         We're on like, some foreign planet.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         This place is rad. Look at all the trees 
                         and stuff.
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Gewhit * * Gewit um hebed wabaduh. Gabalah. 
                         
 
               [Planet Marklar, day. The ship's windshield rolls back. The boys 
               climb down and look around]
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Badak bladla buk.

                                     MARKLAR LEADER
                         Greetings. Welcome to Marklar.

                                     STAN
                         Uh, thanks.

                                     MARKLAR LEADER
                         I am Marklar, leader of the Marklar.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         U-uh, cool. My name is Stan, and a-uh, 
                         I'm the leader of Earth.
 
                                     MARKLAR LEADER
                          Marklar to you.

                                     STAN
                         Cool!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Ey! I'm the leader of Earth!

               Stan	Screw you, Cartman! I called leader first!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, you can call leader 'til your 
                         ass bleeds, but that doesn't make it 
                         true! 
 
                                     MARKLAR LEADER
                         We are very thankful to you for bringing 
                         our marklar back to us.
 
                                     KYLE
                          Wait. I thought you called your planet 
                         Marklar.
 
                                     MARKLAR LEADER
                         Oh, here on Marklar, we refer to all 
                         people, places, and things as marklar.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Well, our friend Marvin and all his 
                         people have to live on a part of Earth 
                         that sucks ass. They can't grow food 
                         or nothin'.
 
                                     STAN
                          Yeah, so it would be really cool if 
                         you would let Marvin and all his people 
                         come live here.
 
                                     MARKLAR LEADER
                         Well, there is a lot of room on Marklar. 
                         If Marklar here wants to bring his marklar 
                         to Marklar, that would be fine. Just 
                         take our marklar back to Marklar and 
                         bring all the marklar back with you.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Uuh. Thanks.

                                     MARVIN
                         * *.

               [Ethiopia, day. The agents are still drilling Marvin's family]
 
               
                                     CONNELLY
                         Let's go through this one more time, 
                         Mr. amd Mrs. Clickclickderk! Your son 
                         Marvin has the ship that we want! How 
                         can we get it from him? 
 
                                     SPHINX
                          We are the CIA. That ship needs to 
                         be with us! Maybe we should just take 
                         something precious of yours, huh?!  
                         Daha!  This! This gourd-thingy, for 
                         instance. How do you like that, huh? 
                         If you ever wanna see this... little... 
                         thingy again, I suggest you contact 
                         your boy! 
 
                                     SPHINX
                         There it is! 

                                     MARVIN
                         Muwuhbuh * * mlamleblubluh mjek.

                                     CONNELLY
                         Back away from the space craft, children!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Nno. No, it's okay. The ship took us 
                         to another planet. A beautiful, lush 
                         place called Marklar.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah. And the leader, he said that all 
                         the Ethiopians can go live there. 
 
                         
                                     HOLLIS
                         Alien race? Have they... heard the word 
                         of Christ?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         No, never. It's perfect.

                                     HOLLIS
                         Ooh, no. Those poor souls. We must spread 
                         the Gospel to them. 
 
                                     STAN
                         What??

                                     MARVIN
                         *.  Mluglu dja mugm blugabeb * * *.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Come on, Marvin! We've gotta get your 
                         people to Marklar before the missionaries 
                         do!
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         You'll do nothing of the kind! This 
                         ship is now property of the United States 
                         Government!
 
               
               PROPERTY OF

               U.S. GOVT.

               THANK YOU

                                     KYLE
                         No! 

                                     MARVIN
                          Dor dor binor hm ghm.

                                     SPHINX
                         Call those boys' mothers.  I'm sure 
                         they'll be very interested in the trouble 
                         their boys have been up to.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Oh, no, dude!

               [CBC television studios. The CBC logo, a pair of angel wings 
               topped by a halo, and CBC printed in front of them, fills the 
               screen. Next comes "Christian Broadcasting Channel"]
 
                                     PAT
                          You know, Susan, theh uhthere are so 
                         many great missionaries doing work, 
                         out there in in inin parts of Africa, 
                         and and uh we're trying to get Bibles 
                         to people all over the world. And what 
                         we need, is the help of everyone out 
                         there so that we can continue these, 
                         these projects. Now, listen to this, 
                         Susan.  Wha-one of our missionaries 
                         in North Africa has made an amazing 
                         discovery. U-u-uh a new planet, in the 
                         in the galaxy Alpha Seti VI, that has 
                         intelligent life on it.
 
                                     SUSAN
                         Amazing.

                                     PAT
                         Yeah. We're not sure what these hyper-intelligent 
                         beings look like, but one thing is for 
                         sure: they've never heard of Jesus Christ.
 
                         
                                     SUSAN
                         What can we do at the 600 Club to help 
                         those poor aliens?
 
                                     PAT
                         Well, what we need, Susan, is we need 
                         money to build an interstallar cruiser. 
                          Now, this space ship will be able to 
                         travel through a wormhole and deliver 
                         the message and guh-glory of Jesus Christ 
                         to those godless aliens. S-send your 
                         money now. Amen.
 
               [Ethiopia. The agents are still investigating...]

                                     CONNELLY
                         I want everyone to keep a safe distance 
                         from the craft until we can run some 
                         tests.
 
                                     FBI AGENT
                          E-excuse me, gentlemen, uh Tom Brokaw 
                         is here to see you.
 
                                     SPHINX
                         Tom Brokaw? Oh no, the press already? 
                         
 
                                     "BROKAW"
                          Oh. Good day, gentlemen. 

                                     SPHINX
                         Uh huh.  Mr. Brokaw, I presume.

                                     "BROKAW"
                         You presume wisely, sir. I'm here to 
                         get the big story, the big scoop.  I 
                         understand that you've found some kind 
                         of ship from an alien race.  Seeing 
                         as though I am Pulitzer-prize-winning 
                         Tom Brokaw...
 
                                     CONNELLY
                         Look, kid. Did you really think this 
                         was going to fool anybody? You don't 
                         look anything like Tom Brokaw.
 
                                     "BROKAW"
                         What?! Do you question my integritah?!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                          I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have 
                         a mustache, fatass!
 
                                     "BROKAW"
                         Buh-eh, ugh. I had some bad burritos 
                         today.
 
                                     MARVIN
                         * * wughum chughum * *, * *.

                                     CONNELLY
                          Alright boys. Time to get back to your 
                         quarters.
 
                                     STAN
                         Oh. 

                                     CONNELLY
                         Son of a bitch!

                                     STAN
                         Run for it!

                                     CONNELLY
                         Get 'em! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Wah-ey. Come on you guys, wait!

                                     KYLE
                         Watch out! Here I come!

                                     KENNY
                         (Hey, you guys, I'm a little bit be-) 
                          (Oof.)
 
                                     KYLE
                         Kenny!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Forget him! He's done for! 

                                     STAN
                         He's not done for, he's standing right 
                         there.
 
                                     KENNY
                         (You guys, just fly away!)

                                     CARTMAN
                         No, no, he's done for. Come on! 

                                     SPHINX
                          Nooo!

                                     CONNELLY
                         Damnit, damnit, damnit!

               [The Marklar ship, space. The ship speeds away from Earth.]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Alright, we made it!

                                     KYLE
                         Okay, Marvin. Time to take your people 
                         to their new home!
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Gakchak ghm. 

                                     KYLE
                         What was that? 

                                     HOLLIS
                         This is the Missionary 600. We have 
                         you locked on "fire: ready." Turn back 
                         right now. 
 
                                     BOYS
                         Aaaa!

                                     ETHIOPIANS
                          Whoa!

                                     STAN
                         They're shooting at us.

                                     KYLE
                         Quick, Marvin. Get us to Marklar.

                                     MARVIN
                          Midik, gmanjaum * *.

                                     KYLE
                         Well, how'd we do it last time??

                                     STAN
                         Cartman just hit the button, and the 
                         ship flew itself.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Which button did you press, Cartman??
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         U-u-huh. I don't remember.

                                     KYLE
                         You don't remember?!

                                     STAN
                         You dumbass, Cartman!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Hey, I was under duress! Maybe it waaas 
                         this one. 
 
                                     SINGER
                         Soaring so high above the world.

                                     THE BOYS
                         Aawwww!

                                     SINGER
                         Never-

               [The Missionaary 600, still pursuing the Marklar ship]

                                     HOLLIS
                         The ship seems to be made out of a... 
                         super-strong alloy. These lasers aren't 
                         powerful enough.
 
               [The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]

                                     PAT
                         Everyone, the the Word of God is going 
                         around the world and and all your help 
                         is so greatly appreciated. Eh-oo What 
                         we need now is an argon crystal laser. 
                          Eh you see, an argon crystal laser 
                         can pierce thick space holes in a way 
                         that other lasers just can't. Send your 
                         money now. Uuh-I th-thank you.
 
               [Ethiopia, day. Feed The Chdilren Foundation. The agents are 
               talking to Sally Struthers]
 
                                     SALLY
                          Onadonakami?

                                     CONNELLY
                         Ms. Struthers, we understand that you 
                         have a ship of your own. One capable 
                         of interstellar travel.
 
                                     SALLY
                         Chewmbacca vije dai gwo. 

                                     SPHINX
                         We need to use your ship to catch those 
                         boys. We will do anything for that technology.
 
                         
                                     SALLY
                         Juodo nakahobi? Ho ho ho ho. 

                                     SPHINX
                         Ms. Struthers, if those Ethiopians make 
                         it to another planet, who will send 
                         money to your foundation? Without Ethiopians, 
                         you have no food.
 
                                     SALLY
                         Wo? Wo chaka gom??

                                     CONNELLY
                         Oh, that won't be a problem, Ms. Struthers. 
                         We have... collateral. 
 
                                     KENNY
                         (Oh my God, I get it.)

                                     SALLY
                         Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. 

               [The Missionaary 600, still pursuing the Marklar ship]

                                     HOLLIS
                         I have the infidels in my sight. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Holy shit!

                                     ETHIOPIANS
                          Whoa!

                                     MARVIN
                         Doye dondabuh. 

                                     CREW
                         Aaah.

                                     HOLLIS
                         Holy crap, they have photon torpedoes.
 
                         
               [The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]

                                     PAT
                         Uhnow, our deflector shields are useless 
                         against phorton torpedoes, and we really 
                         need your support on this one, folks. 
                         Here at the 600 Club we need your money 
                         to spread the Word of Jesus, and build 
                         more advanced deflector shields for 
                         our galactic cruiser. Call now, and 
                         we'll give you this free pin. 
 
               [Space. The Missionaary 600 and the Marklar ship now do battle. 
               Marvin fires at the Missionaary 600 twice more.]
 
                                     600 CREW
                         Aaah.

                                     STAN
                         You got 'em, Marvin.

                                     KYLE
                         Yeah, now finish 'em off! 

                                     COMPUTER
                          Warning. Deflector shields failing.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Where did that come from??

                                     SALLY
                         Ho ho ho ho. 

                                     CONNELLY
                         Good! Now get them in our tractor beam! 
                         
 
                                     HOLLIS
                         Now we've got 'em! 

                                     SALLY
                         Ho ho ho ho.

                                     CARTMAN
                         It's Sally Struthers!

                                     HOLLIS
                         Well, it appears they'll be going back 
                         to Ethiopia, so we can go on to the 
                         aliens.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Sorry, Marvin. We tried.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Wait. Ms. Struthers? Ms. Struthers!
 
                         
                                     SALLY
                         Wo?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Ms. Struthers, please. Just listen to 
                         me for one second. You started the Feed 
                         the Children Foundation for wonderful 
                         reasons: to help starving, helpless 
                         people who live in a rotten part of 
                         the world. Well, it's for those reasons 
                         we wanna help our friend Marvin now. 
                         
 
                                     SALLY
                         Holna chewbacca? 

                                     SPHINX
                         Ms. Struthers, don't forget the gift 
                         we gave you: the child in carbonite. 
                         
 
                                     SALLY
                         Dama doko nou na oh. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Ms. Struthers. You helped so many people, 
                         and you've taught us that helping people 
                         is what life is all about. All we wanna 
                         do is... be like you. 
 
                                     SALLY
                         Oh, foada! 

                                     600 CREW
                          Whoa! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         She bought it.

                                     STAN
                         Sally Struthers is saving us!

               [The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]

                                     PAT
                         Uh, now, now, stay with me on this one, 
                         folks. Uh, Sally Struthers has a Tiberian 
                         junker , which is uh the favorite ship 
                         of the Hutts, and she has trapped oureh, 
                         our our new CBC ship in a uh  poe-sitronic 
                         tractor beam. 
 
               POSITRONIC

               TRACTOR BEAM

               SO WE'RE GONNA

               NEED AN IONIC

               TRACTOR

               DISRUPTOR

               Uh, so we're gonna need an ionic tractor disruptor. Now now, 
               not a regular ionic di- tractor disruptor, but a negative ionic 
               tractor disruptor to uh, help spread the Word of Jesus. [to Susan, 
               softly] I don't have a fucking idea up here.
 
               [Space. The junker is busy pulling the Missionary 600 in. The 
               Marklar ship is free to leave]
 
                                     STAN
                         Now's our chance!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Wait. I remember. It was the red button! 
                         
 
                                     HOLLIS
                         They've opened the wormhole!

                                     KYLE
                         It's pulling us in! 

                                     BOYS
                         Aaaah!

                                     600 CREW
                         Aaaah! 

               [Marklar. The ship land. The Missionary 600 has to lean to one 
               side. All parties are out of their ships]
 
                                     KYLE
                         Marvin... 

                                     MARKLAR
                         Please, please, please. We are confused. 
                         You must explain one at a Marklar.
 
                         
                                     HOLLIS
                         Alien friend, we are here to spread 
                         the Word of Jesus. He died for your 
                         sins.
 
                                     MARKLAR
                         Who? Marklar?

                                     STAN
                         We brought Marvin and his people to 
                         live here, but these buttholes followed 
                         us.
 
                                     MARKLAR
                         Brought m- marklar??

                                     HOLLIS
                         What is "marklar"?

                                     MARKLAR
                         Yyou're marklar; everyone and everything 
                         is referred to as marklar.
 
                                     SPHINX
                         Doesn't that get confusing?

                                     MARKLAR
                         Oh no. Watch this. Hey, Marklar!

                                     MARKLAR
                          Yes?

                                     MARKLAR
                         You see?

                                     KYLE
                          Wait. Wait. I think I can explain this 
                         whole thing. Marklar, these marklars 
                         want to change your marklar. They don't 
                         want Marklar or any of these marklars 
                         to live here because it's bad for their 
                         marklar. They use Marklar to try and 
                         force marklars to believe they're marklar. 
                         If you let them stay here, they will 
                         build marklars and marklars. They will 
                         take all your marklars and replace them 
                         with Marklar. These marklar have no 
                         good marklar to live on Marklar, so 
                         they must come here to Marklar. Please, 
                         let these marklars stay where they can 
                         grow and prosper without any marklars, 
                         marklars, eh or marklars.
 
                                     MARKLAR
                         Young marklar, your marklars are wise 
                         and true.
 
                                     HOLLIS
                         What the hell did he say?

                                     STAN
                          Wow! Good job, dude!

                                     KYLE
                         Thanks.

                                     MARKLAR
                         The marklars can stay!

                                     ETHIOPIANS
                         Wooo!

                                     BOYS
                         Alright!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Alright,

                                     MARKLAR
                         You marklars must leave.

                                     HOLLIS
                         But you will all burn forever in eternal 
                         hellfire. 
 
                                     MARKLAR
                         Yes, that's nice. Thank you for stopping 
                         by.
 
                                     STAN
                         Well Marvin, it was sure cool seeing 
                         you again.
 
                                     MARVIN
                         Chak chak glika gm gm guchab mglup.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         No, we gotta go. Sally Struthers is 
                         gonna give us a ride back to Earth.
 
                         
                                     SALLY
                         Bwo chaaga bi.

                                     BOYS
                          Goodbye, Marvin.

                                     MARVIN
                         Chak chak m geteaub m * *.

                                     STAN
                         Maybe we'll come and visit sometime.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson will be 
                         President, heh.
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude!

                                     CARTMAN
                         What? We're not gonna come visit him.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         I know, but you don't tell him that!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         T'heh, whatever. 

                                     DVDA
                         [End of Starvin' Marvin In Space

               
               I am Chewbacca

               I am a Wookie

               ...

               I am Chewbacca

               I have no home

               My home is where

               My spirit goes]

Starvin' Marvin In Space



Writers :   Trey Parker  Matt Stone  Kyle McCulloch
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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