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                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                     Episode 906


                             "THE DEATH OF ERIC CARTMAN"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [Stan's house, night. The boys are in the kitchen at the breakfast 
               table anticipating something. Next to Kenny is a stack of dishes]
 
               
                                     STAN
                          Dude, where is she? We can't wait.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         God, this is gonna be sooo yummy.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Stan, you said your mom was bringing 
                         Kentucky Fried Chicken home for dinner! 
                         Now is she or isn't she?!
 
                                     SHARON
                         Hi boys.

                                     STAN
                         Mom!

                                     KYLE
                         She's here!

                                     CARTMAN
                         She's got Colonel!

                                     KYLE
                         I want some!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh boy!

                                     STAN
                          I want a breast!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Some extra-crispy thighs, extra crispy?
 
                         
                                     SHARON
                         Uuh uh uh, not so fast. You boys can 
                         help bring in the other groceries in 
                         the car, then have your chicken.
 
                                     THE BOYS
                         Awww!

                                     STAN
                         But Mom, we've been waiting for hours!
 
                         
                                     SHARON
                         It won't take a minute.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Come on guys. If we all help out, we 
                         can do it super-fast.
 
                                     STAN
                         All right.

                                     KYLE
                          Let's go. Oh my God, that smells good. 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         Okay, this is everything, mom. 

                                     KYLE
                         All right, let's eat Colonel! 

                                     STAN
                         Oh boy!  Cartman, you ate the skin off 
                         of every piece of chicken!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Well, I saved you all the chicken part. 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         The skin's the best part...

                                     CARTMAN
                          Well, I gotta go home, guys. I'm gonna 
                         sit on the toilet and read comic books. 
                         See you at the bus stop tomorrow. 
 
                         
               [The next morning the boys are waiting at the bus stop. Cartman 
               hasn't arrived]
 
                                     STAN
                         I can't believe that fat asshole!

                                     KYLE
                         You can't believe it?? He does this 
                         shit all the time!
 
                                     STAN
                         Well this time he's gone too far!

                                     KENNY
                         (Yeah, fuck him!)

                                     STAN
                         Why do we even hang out with him, anyway?
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Hello?? I've been saying this for years!
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Well it's not like we're nice to him. 
                         I mean, we rip on him all the time!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Yes, but he thrives on that.

                                     STAN
                         All right. Then let's just ignore him. 
                         From now on, let's not talk to him, 
                         let's not even acknowledge him.
 
                                     KENNY
                         (Fuck yeah!)

                                     KYLE
                         That sounds great!

                                     CARTMAN
                          Hey fags, what's going on?  Dude, I 
                         was on the toilet all night from that 
                         chicken. I thought I was gonna die. 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Do any of you guys have milk money I 
                         can borrow?
 
                                     STAN
                         I think I have extra.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh wow, a Jew asking for money! There's 
                         a new one.  Yuh, you guys know why Jews 
                         have glassy eyes?
 
                                     STAN
                         Here you go.

                                     KYLE
                         Thanks. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Dude, Stan, yuh you know why Jews have 
                         glassy eyes? Like Kyle?  Eh. K-Kenny, 
                         you see that chick on the news that 
                         had her left titty cut off?  Kenny? 
                         Kenny??  Stan? Stan, it's me, Eric! 
                          Eh... Kenny. Kenny, you want fifty 
                         cents?  Dude, look at me, Kyle, I'm 
                         right here!  Wha...? How did...? Like 
                         they couldn't see or hear me. It's almost 
                         as if I were...  dead.  No. No, I can't 
                         be dead.  I can't be dead!!
 
               [The Cartman house, later. A plumber has come to visit, and he's 
               in the living room talking to Mrs. Cartman. Two other plumbers 
               are carrying away a box]
 
                                     BLACK PLUMBER
                         All right, ma'am. We've got your new 
                         toilet installed and we'll haul away 
                         the old one away for ya.
 
                                     LIANE
                         Oh, you've been so helpful, I uh, just 
                         don't know how to thank you.
 
                                     BLACK PLUMBER
                         Hunh, I could think of a few ways, hunh.
 
                         
                                     LIANE
                         Ohoho, nhn.

               [Cartman runs back home, but he stops in his tracks before he 
               reaches the front door. He sees the two men carrying the box 
               away and he fears the worst]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         No! No!!

                                     FAT PLUMBER
                         What happened? Did they say?

                                     THIN PLUMBER
                         Apparently there was so much chicken 
                         skin in the system it just ruptured 
                         the insides.
 
                                     FAT PLUMBER
                         Aww, that's tragic.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh my God, this can't be happening! 
                          Mom? Mom's crying? Oh God, it is true! 
                          Oh, it's not fair!  Why??? Why??? 
 
                         
               [The Playground, recess]

                                     JIMMY
                         Hey fellas, w-where is Cartman? 

                                     STAN
                         Cartman isn't our friend anymore. 
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         We're ignoring him.

                                     TOKEN
                         Ignoring him? How come?

                                     KYLE
                         Beause he's a fat racist self-centered 
                         intolerant manipulating sociopath!
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         Oh yeah.

                                     CRAIG
                         Hey, I hate Cartman too. Can I ignore 
                         him with you?
 
                                     BLOND
                         Yeah.

                                     KEVIN
                         Me too.

                                     OTHER BOYS
                         Yeah, screw him! Yeah.

                                     CLYDE
                         I never realized ignoring him was an 
                         option.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Guys! Guys?  Can anybody hear me? You 
                         guys??  Token, Token, I'm here!  Hello! 
                         Hello! Hello!  Clyde, can't you feel 
                         me?  Feel me, Clyde!  Jimmy! Jimmy, 
                         it's me, Eric!  Jimmy!  Can't you feel 
                         your hair move?! That's me!  They don't 
                         even know yet, that one of their best 
                         friends is dead.  Dead and... still 
                         wandering the earth a lost soul.
 
               [Downtown, later. He wanders the streets of the town sobbing, 
               and no one turns to see what's wrong, until...]
 
                                     WOMAN
                         What is that kid doing?

                                     MAN
                         Ah I don't know, just ignore him.

               [A blazing sunset over a bridge. Cartman's wails have gotten 
               deeper, more emotional]
 
               [Night time, under a full moon, Cartman walks past a farm house. 
               Nearby are a scarecrow and a few pumpkins]
 
               [Next day, Butter's house. He's shoveling snow off the sidewalk 
               to the front door]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Lu lu lu, I've got some apples. Lu lu 
                         lu, yuu've got some too-
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          What did I do to deserve this?!  How 
                         can my own God forsake me?! Am I doomed 
                         to wander the Earth alone for all eternity?!
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Hey Eric! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         ...What did you say?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh I just said, "Hey Eric!"

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters...  Butters! You can see me??
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, sure I can see you.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh my God, and you can hear me??

                                     BUTTERS
                          Well, jeez Eric, why wouldn't I be 
                         able to hear you?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Because, Butters, I'm... dead. 

                                     BUTTERS
                         HAAA! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters! Butters, I just want to talk 
                         to you!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         You died?? How??

                                     CARTMAN
                         I ate a bunch of chicken skin and it 
                         blew out my insides.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         But if you're d-dead, how come I can 
                         see you?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I don't know, but you're the only one 
                         who can.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters!  Butters, Goddamnit, I need 
                         your help!
 
               [The Stotch kitchen. Linda is cleaning the sink and humming to 
               herself. She reaches down below the sink and opens the doors. 
               Butters is hiding there.]
 
                                     LINDA
                         Butters, what on earth are you doing??
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well I think... I'm like the kid in 
                         that movie! I-I'm seeing dead people!
 
                         
                                     LINDA
                         Dead people?

                                     STEPHEN
                         Who's seeing dead people?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Me! I saw a ghost!

                                     STEPHEN
                         Now, Butters, there's no such thing 
                         as ghosts.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         But I saw him! Just as plain as I'm 
                         seein' you right now!
 
                                     STEPHEN
                         Butters, these things happen all the 
                         time. You've got a very active little 
                         brain and your mind was just playing 
                         tricks on you.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Ruh, really?

                                     STEPHEN
                         Yeess.

                                     BUTTERS
                         So... so it was just... it was... just 
                         my ima... magination then?
 
                                     STEPHEN
                         That's right. There's no reason to be 
                         afraid of things that aren't real. There's 
                         plenty of real things to be scared of. 
                         Like super-AIDS.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh s-s-super-AIDS?

                                     STEPHEN
                         That's right. A new form of AIDS which 
                         is resistant to drugs. Just one teaspoon 
                         of super-AIDS in your butt and you're 
                         dead in three years.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         AAAH!  Oh Jesus.

                                     STEPHEN
                         So now you feel better? Ghosts don't 
                         exist and there's nothing to be afraid 
                         of. Except the super-AIDS.
 
               [Night time at Butters' house. The sky is clear, but lightning 
               bolts come out of nowhere and just as quickly disappear. Butters 
               is in his bed looking out at the stormy sky and can't get to 
               sleep.]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Nuh-nothing to be scared of. Jus, just 
                         some lightning and thunder.  Gah! Wasn't 
                         nothin' neither. J-just a muhouse. 
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters...

                                     BUTTERS
                          AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters, you have to help me!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Go away! You aren't real!

                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, Butters, you leave me no 
                         choice. 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 

                                     STEPHEN
                         Butters, what is going on?!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Well it's all...  Well he was...  Nothin' 
                         I I just had a nightmare.
 
                                     STEPHEN
                         Well you'd better stop having nightmares 
                         or eles you're gonna be grounded!
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Y yes, yes sir. 

                                     CARTMAN
                          Butters.

                                     BUTTERS
                         AH- 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters, Goddamnit, I'm not in your 
                         imagination! I'm dead and for some reason 
                         you can see me!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         But I don't want to see you!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Get a hold of yourself! I'm the one 
                         who died! And for some reason, my spirit 
                         is trapped here on Earth. I can't find 
                         the passage to Heaven.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well... how do you know you're supposed 
                         to go to Heaven?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         What do you mean?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Well... how do you know you're not supposed 
                         to go to... you know... Heck.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I'm not going to Heck, Butters! I'm 
                         not black, all right?!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Now look: I thnk the reason my soul 
                         is still here is because I need closure 
                         with all my friends and loved one. I 
                         can say my final goodbyes to them through 
                         you.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         I can't. Ahah I have school tomorrow.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         This is your problem, Butters! Either 
                         you help me, or I will haunt you for 
                         the rest of your life! 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Helll- Uh all right. All right, I'll 
                         help you!
 
               [Dawn, the next day. Butters and Cartman approach Cartman's house. 
               Liane is in the kitchen using a cookie cutter to cut out heart-shaped 
               cookies. Butters and Cartman enter the kitchen. Cartman is sobbing 
               into a small towel.]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Mrs. Cartman?

                                     LIANE
                         Yes?  Oh hi.

                                     BUTTERS
                         This is going to seem very strange and, 
                         and you may not believe me, but, well, 
                         your son wanted me to tell you something.
 
                         
                                     LIANE
                         Oh, what is it?

                                     CARTMAN
                          Tell her, tell her that I love her.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         He says, he love you. 

                                     LIANE
                          Oh, that's so nice.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Tell her, tell her that I wish... I 
                         wish I would have been a better son 
                         sometimes!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         He wishes he would have been a better 
                         son sometimes.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          It's just that, it's just that I got 
                         so caught up with the rat race of life 
                         tryin' to succeed that I... sometimes... 
                         took my family for granted!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         He he got caught, he got caught up in 
                         the rat race of, of taking things for 
                         granted.
 
                                     LIANE
                         Oh, that's so sweet. Oh, I love you 
                         too, poopiekins! 
 
               [The Broflovski house. Butters and Cartman approach it first 
               and ring the bell. Kyle comes to answer it]
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Kyle, Eric wants you to know that he's, 
                         he's sorry for all the times he made 
                         fun of you being a no-good stinking 
                         Jew.  He's asking for your forgiveness. 
                         And and he wants you to just remember 
                         the good times.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Just the good times.

                                     KYLE
                         There were no good times! And if he 
                         really feels bad he can just tell me 
                         himself!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I can't! Don't you understand?!

                                     BUTTERS
                         He can't! Don't you understand?!

                                     CARTMAN
                         God forgave the Jews, you should be 
                         able to forgive me!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         God forgave the Jews, you should be 
                         able to forgive him!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          All right, come on, Butters, we gotta 
                         go tell Token I'm sorry for rippin' 
                         on him for bein' black. 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Uhh all right then. 

               [Kyle's living room. Stan and Kenny are playing a board game 
               on the living room floor. Kyle enters and approaches them]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Who was that?

                                     KYLE
                         It was Cartman having Butters apologize 
                         for him.
 
                                     STAN
                         Dude, he did that to me this morning.
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (Me too.)

                                     KYLE
                         He probably thinks if he apologizes 
                         to everyone, we'll think he's changed 
                         and let him back into our circle.
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (That guy would try anything)

                                     STAN
                         Yeah, we know better than to think that.
 
                         
               [Butters and Cartman walk down a sidewalk, with Cartman checking 
               off more names on his notepad.]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Okay, that takes care of Token, Clyde, 
                         and Mr. Kitty. That's eveyone, I guess. 
                          All that leaves is you, Butters. Butters, 
                         I'm sorry if I ever did anything to 
                         hurt you.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Aww, that's okay, Eric.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Well, it's all done. My soul is at 
                         peace. I think... I can go now.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         So I won't see you again?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Don't be sad, Butters. What awaits each 
                         person in heaven is eternal bliss, divine 
                         rest, and ten thousand dollars cash.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Wow.

                                     CARTMAN
                          G'bye Butters. I'm goin' to a better 
                         place. Perhaps I'll see you again sometime! 
                         Good-bye!! 
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Yeh you're still here.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Goddamnit, what the fuck is going on?
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, I guess saying goodbye wasn't 
                         enough.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         What else do I have to do?!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, well, you know, the preacher says 
                         that before your soul can be at peace, 
                         sometimes, you have to atone for something 
                         bad you did.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Atone?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Did you ever do anything really bad?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Not really...

               [In Butters' bedroom, later]

                                     CARTMAN
                         Let's see. Oh, and I broke Mr. Anderson's 
                         fence and never told him about it.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                          Broke fence...

                                     CARTMAN
                         I took a crap in the principal's purse... 
                         seven times. Then there was the time 
                         I convinced a woman to have an abortion 
                         so I could build my own Shakey's Pizza. 
                         I pretended to be retarded and joined 
                         the Special Olympics. I tried to have 
                         all the Jew exterminated last spring. 
                         Uuh, oh yeah, and there's this one kid 
                         whose parents I had killed and then 
                         made into chili which I fed to the kid.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Boy oh boy, Eric, you've got a lot to 
                         atone for.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Really?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Really. I mean, honestly, I don't know 
                         how you're gonna make up for all this.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         I know how.

               [Moments later Cartman's hands are shown placing fruits inside 
               a basket, a pair os scissors cutting away at a thick transparent 
               plastic sheet, then the whole basket sealed with a bow. He and 
               Butters grin at the accomplishment. Behind them are some more 
               baskets roady to go. The first basket goes to Principal Victoria. 
               The second goes to Ms. Claridge. The third goes to the rabbi 
               at the synagogue. The congregation there is surprised. The fourth 
               goes to Scott Tenorman, who's sobbing at his parents' graves. 
               Butters and Cartman walk to their next desitnation with another 
               basket as Stan, Kyle, and Kenny look on from across the street. 
               They deliver that basket to the abortion clinic. He records the 
               song below, with Butters and a recording engineer in the booth. 
               Next, he and Butters are repairing Mr. Anderson's fence. Cartman 
               hammers the new boards in place as Butters removes the damaged 
               boards. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny appear and watch. Kyle angrily 
               rejects what he's seeing and they walk away. Cartman and Butters 
               then go to the Special Olympics stadium and present a basket 
               to the coordinators. They leave a basket at Sally Struther's 
               door. They're then back in Butters' bedroom and Butters marks 
               off the last atonement.]
 
                                     ERIC CARTMAN
                         I'm gonna make, make it right.

               I'm gonna take a little time and set things right.

               Make, make it right.

               I'm payin' for my sins and it sure feels great.

               It feels so good to be making up

               For all the things I've done wrong.

               I know now what the Good Lord in Heaven

               Wanted from me all along.

               All along, I'm gonna make, make it right.

               'Cause Jesus wants me to have a clean slate.

               Not faking it, I'm making it right.

               I'm payin' for my sins and it sure feels great.

               Make, make it right!

               Make, make it right!

               Gonna make it right, girl, I've got to have your lovin' tonight!
 
               
                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, there's everything, Butters.  
                         I've made everything right.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Does this mean... you have to go now?
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes, Butters, my soul is finally at 
                         peace. It's time for me to leave.  Goodbye 
                         Butters! Thanks for all your help! Be 
                         good and be safe. Goodbye...  Goddamnit, 
                         what?! I've made everything right!
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh jeez. I I guess maybe your soul is 
                         stuck here for a different reason.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         I want my eternal bliss! Do you think 
                         this is funny, God?!  Do you think this 
                         is funny,..?
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Eric! Calm down.  Stupid butthole God! 
                         
 
                                     STEPHEN
                         Butters! What have you done?!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Ih ih it wasn't me! Ih it was the ghost!
 
                         
                                     LINDA
                         Oh, Stephen, I don't know if we should 
                         ground him or call a doctor.
 
                                     STEPHEN
                         No, I think you'd better call a doctor. 
                         I'll ground him.
 
               [Butters' house, later. Stephen holds Linda as the doctor on 
               house call leaves Butters' bedroom]
 
                                     LINDA
                         What do you think, Doctor?

                                     DOCTOR
                         Your son is suffering from severe dementia. 
                         He claims that the ghost of a dead friend 
                         talks to him. This is usually a sign 
                         of schizophrenia brought on by some 
                         tragic event in the child's past. I 
                         think it's best that we take him to 
                         the mental center and do some tests.
 
                         
                                     LINDA
                         Oh no.  NO!

               [South Park Institute for Mental Health, day. In the operating 
               room, Butters is wheeled into play on a gurney, face up]
 
                                     DOCTOR
                          All right, Butters, just try to relax. 
                          Doin' just fine, Butters.  Just stay 
                         perfectly still now, Butters.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                          Lu lu lu, lu lu lu 

                                     DOCTOR
                         Good. You're gonna feel a little pinch 
                         now, Butters.  Don't worry, Mr. Stotch. 
                         Whatever traumatized yoru son in his 
                         past, we'll find it. 
 
               [Butters' recovery room, later. The doctor and Butters' parents 
               are at bedside]
 
                                     DOCTOR
                         Well, after fourteen hours of testing, 
                         I can say Butters is definitely suffering 
                         from aggravated repressied memory syndrome. 
                         You see, Butters, when the brain wants 
                         to cover something up, it makes up images 
                         and sounds for you to hear.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         So... the ghost was in my head. The 
                         whole time.
 
                                     STEPHEN
                         Now do you believe us, Butters?

                                     BUTTERS
                         Yes! Uh yes sir! I believe you.

                                     DOCTOR
                         Good. We're making a lot of headway. 
                         We'll do some more testing tomorrow. 
                         All right, folks. Let's let Butters 
                         get some rest. 
 
                                     LINDA
                          Goodnight, baby. 

                                     BUTTERS
                          Ahhh. 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Butters.

                                     BUTTERS
                         AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Don't worry, Butters, I'm gonna get 
                         you out of here.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Please leave me alone, Eric. My bottom 
                         is really sore.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I found the woman you need to talk to 
                         for me. Look!  Doctor Lindsay, expert 
                         in the paranormal. She can tell us what 
                         to do!
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Eric, ye-you're just an image in my 
                         head brought on by a traumatic event.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         She's gonna close soon! Come on! 

                                     BUTTERS
                         Wuh I hate my stupid psychotic brain!
 
                         
               [The psychic's house. The doorbell rings. She's watching television, 
               but she gets up to answer the door. Cartman and Butters are there]
 
               
                                     BUTTERS
                          Hello, ma'am. May I talk to you?

                                     PSYCHIC
                         Certainly. Come in.  Have a seat and 
                         tell me what it is you seek.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, there's this ghost, see? Only 
                         it probably isn't a ghost, ih-it's just 
                         a delusion brought on by my trauma. 
                         Well I'm supposed to heh, help him, 
                         find out why his spirit is wanderin' 
                         the Earth, even though I know that I'm 
                         most likely just completely insane.
 
                         
                                     PSYCHIC
                         Well, many times, the reason that the 
                         sould stays Earth-bound is because God 
                         is intending to use that soul for a 
                         divine purpose, to help prevent an impending 
                         tragic event.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Of course. That's it, Butters! We had 
                         it wrong all the time!
 
                                     PSYCHIC
                         But now, you shouldn't think you're 
                         crazy, young man. I see ghosts all the 
                         time.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Really?

                                     PSYCHIC
                         Yes. When's the last time you saw yours?
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Well, he's sittin' next to me right 
                         now.
 
                                     PSYCHIC
                         AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! 

                                     BUTTERS
                         Hey, I think she could see you too. 
                         You really are a ghost.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         I told you, Butters. 

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         This is breaking news!

                                     ANCHOR TOM
                         A tragic event is unfolding in South 
                         Park. Three convicted murderers have 
                         escaped from jail and are holding twelve 
                         people at the Red Cross!
 
                                     REPORTER CHRIS
                         Tom, the convicts were about to be arrested 
                         when they ran inside the Red Cross behind 
                         me, and threatened to kill all the workers 
                         inside. The violent men are demanding 
                         a helicopter and two hundred thousand 
                         dollars cash.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh my God, this is it, Butters. This 
                         is what I'm here to stop. Come on, Butters. 
                         This psychic boy and his ghost pal are 
                         going to save the day!
 
               [The Red Cross, later that night. A crowd has gathered and the 
               police try to control the crowd]
 
                                     OFFICER
                         Stay back, people!

                                     MAN
                         Stay back?! Hell, my wife and child 
                         are in there!
 
                                     DET. YATES
                         Stay calm in there. We don't want anybody 
                         getting hurt.
 
                                     LEAD CONVICT
                         You get us a helicopter and two hundred 
                         thousand dollars or these people start 
                         dyin', man!
 
               [The Red Cross, outside. Butters and Cartman sneak past the police 
               barricade]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         All right, Butters, I'm going in alone, 
                         first. Give me thirty seconds in there, 
                         and then you go in and free the hostiages.
 
                         
                                     BUTTERS
                         Go in there? Uh, but they'll see me.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Don't worry. I have a plan. 

                                     BUTTERS
                         Eric.  Well, be careful, ghost pal.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         They can't hurt me, Butters. I'm already 
                         dead. 
 
                                     DET. YATES
                         What the hell is that kid doing?

               [The Red Cross, inside. The convicts look out through the Venetian 
               blinds]
 
                                     BALD CONVICT
                         Somebody's comin' in!

                                     CONVICT 2
                         It's just some little fat kid. 

                                     BALD CONVICT
                         What the hell is going on?

                                     CONVICT 2
                         I have no idea.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes, it's working! 

                                     LEAD CONVICT
                         This is really weird. 

               [The Red Cross, outside.]

                                     REPORTER CHRIS
                         An incredible development here, Tom. 
                         Two little boys have fearlessly gone 
                         inside the Red Cross. 
 
               [Stan's house. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny watch the news]

                                     STAN
                         Cartman?

               [The Red Cross, inside. Cartman swings two cowbells up and down. 
               Butters has left the door open]
 
                                     BALD CONVICT
                          I'm so confused! 

                                     BUTTERS
                         Hurry. Go, go! 

                                     OFFICER 2
                         The hostages are clear!

                                     DET. YATES
                          All right, move in! 

                                     CONVICT 2
                         The hostages are gone!

                                     BALD CONVICT
                         What?!  Son of a bitch.

                                     REPORTER CHRIS
                         Tom, an incredible story of courage. 
                         Two little boys, armed only with the 
                         weapon of confusion, managed to go in 
                         and save the Red Cross. Nobody seems 
                         to know who the boys are or where they 
                         went off to, but they are heroes.
 
                         
               [The field across from the Red Cross. Cartman is about to take 
               his leave for the third time]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Well, we did it, Butters. We saved the 
                         day.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Boy, we sure did.

                                     CARTMAN
                         My spirit is at rest now. I can finally 
                         go to everlasting peace, eternal rest, 
                         and ten thousand dollars cash. Butters, 
                         I think that, through this whole thing, 
                         we've really become friends.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         Yeah. Uh I feel that way too.

                                     CARTMAN
                         We both, kind of needed each other and... 
                         well... I'm gonna miss you.
 
                                     BUTTERS
                         I'll miss you too, ghost pal.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Goodbye Buttters. I must be going now. 
                         I'll be looking down on you from time 
                         to time. Have a long, fulfilling life, 
                         Butters! Goodbyyye! 
 
                                     STAN
                         Hey Cartman, that was really cool what 
                         you did.
 
                                     CLYDE
                         Yeah Eric, we're gonna stop ignoring 
                         you now. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         We didn't think that by pretending you 
                         didn't exist, you would really change, 
                         but you really have.
 
                                     STAN
                         Well, anyway, we just wanna let you 
                         know. Talk to you tomorrow.
 
                                     JIMMY
                         Yeah. S-see ya, Eric. 

                                     CARTMAN
                          You sonofabitch Butters!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh?

                                     CARTMAN
                         You told me I was a ghost!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Huh but I thought you were one!

                                     CARTMAN
                         How stupid are you?! So help me GOD 
                         Butters, I'm gonna get you back for 
                         this! I'm going to  GET YOU BACK! 
 
                         
                                     STEPHEN
                          Butters?!

                                     BUTTERS
                         Oh Hamburgers.

               THE END

The Death Of Eric Cartman



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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