"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 605
"THE NEW TERRANCE AND PHILLIP MOVIE TRAILER"
Written by
Trey Parker
[Stan's house, night. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Butters gather
some snacks and put them on the coffee table in the Marsh living
room]
STAN
This is gonna be so awesome!
KYLE
Do we have everything?
STAN
Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex, toilet
paper, flares - we won't have to leave
the TV room for anythng!
CARTMAN
All right!
KYLE
Look, it's almost time
[HBC commercial]
ANNOUNCER
Up next on HBC, the Russell Crowe Show!
[the sofa. The boys climb on it]
STAN
Alright, here we go.
[Russell Crowe Show intro]
CHOIR
Born in New Zealand in sixty-four
[Russell sails on a tugboat called "Tugger"]
A hot-headed actor named Russell Crowe
[Russell holds an Oscar lovingly]
[Russell in a scene from "Gladiator"]
Fight-in' Round The World
[Russell fighing bar patrons at Hap's Bar]
He fight his directors and he fights his fans
[Russell holds a director up in the air by the lapels, then he
fights fans in a pool hall]
It's a problem no one understands
[Russell fights people in Paris]
[spoken by a singer] If there's two things he love it's fighting
and,
[Russell dances Russian before the Kremlin as a camera man follows
him at a distance]
Fight-in' Round The World
[The cameraman takes a picture and Russell beats him up]
Makin' movies, makin' music and
[a poster of Russell's new movie, "A beautiful Mind, by television's
Opie", then a shot of him recording a song]
[slowing to half-time] Fight-in' Round The World!
[a shot of Russell fighting off some Japanese]
[spoken by a singer as a spinning globe appears behind the show
logo] Russell Crowe
RUSSELL CROWE
Hello, everybody. I'm Russell Crowe,
and this is "Fight-in' Round The World"
. We're gonna have lots of fun tuhday
as we travel all around, and and look
for some good- Ay! What the hell do
yuh think you're doin'?! You walked
right through my shot, mate! Do you
know who I am?!
MAN
Oh, excuse me. I was just- God-damned
smartass! Do you think you could
STAN
Shelley, we're watching that! Go back!
SHELLEY
Shut up, turd. I'm watching Buffy.
STAN
No! Shelley, we have to watch HBC!
[Russell Crowe Show]
RUSSELL CROWE
Oh! Get up! Get up, you little pussy!
SHELLEY
The Russell Crowe Show? You turds don't
even like that show!
STAN
It's not the show we care about. During
one of the commercial breaks of tonight's
episode, they're gonna show the exclusive
never-before-seen trailer to the new
Terrance & Phillip movie!
KYLE
It's the biggest night of the year.
SHELLEY
That's stupid! See you turdy critters
some other time!
STAN
But all the other kids are gonna watch
it and talk about it at school tomorrow.
SHELLEY
No, turds!
CARTMAN
Shelley, did I ever tell you how hot
I think you are?
SHELLEY
Shut up, fat turd!!
CARTMAN
I'm not a fat turd, I'm a stocky turd!
SHELLEY
We're not watching this!
RUSSELL CROWE
Come on!
MAN
Look, I apologize
STAN
But Shelley, it's the Russell Crowe
Show! You always said there's nothing
you love more than Russell Crowe.
SHELLEY
There is one thing I love more than
Russell Crowe, and that is seeing you
unhappy. So, Buffy it is!
STAN
Shelley, please, let us watch. We'll
do anything. Anythng!
SHELLEY
All right. I just started my period,
and I need tampons. If one of you turds
will go buy them at the store for me,
you can watch your stupid turd show
with your stupid turd movie commercial
in it!
STAN
O-K, deal.
SHELLEY
And they'd better be here when I come
back downstairs, turds!
RUSSELL CROWE
Well, that was a lot of fun, wadn't
it, kids? But if looks like if we're
gonna get in more fights, we're gonna
have to go look for 'em.
KYLE
Dude, why'd you make that deal? If
we're out buying tampons, we'll miss
the trailer anyway/
BUTTERS
Ehyeah!
STAN
Well, only one of us has to go to the
store. The others can watch.
KYLE
You'd miss the new trailer?
STAN
Dude, I'm not going.
CARTMAN
Alright, we'll have to play for it.
How about... if your name is Butters,
you have to go. Okay, so what's your
name?
STAN
Stan.
CARTMAN
Stan, okay. What's your name?
KYLE
Kyle.
CARTMAN
Kyle. What's your name?
BUTTERS
Butters. Aw, I lose, huh?
CARTMAN
Aw, yeah, Butters, you lose, sorry,
tough break.
KYLE
Well just hurry, Butters. You can probably
mke it back in time before the first
commercial break.
BUTTERS
Oh, Jesus. Ah, I gotta run like the
wind.
RUSSELL CROWE
Well, that was a lot of fun, wadn't
it, kids?
KYLE
Dude, thank God for stupid people
CARTMAN
Amen.
RUSSELL CROWE
...we're gonna have to go look for 'em.
Where should we go fight people next,
Tugger?
TUGGER
TOOOOOOT
RUSSELL CROWE
Great idea! Tugger thinks we should
go to the faaar away of China. China
is one of the oldest civilizations on
earth. And from what I understand, they
LOVE a good fight! So let's go!
TUGGER
TOOOT TOOOT
MAN WITH MOUSTACHE
Oh my God! It's Russell Crowe!
RUSSELL CROWE
Oh my God, it's Russell Crowe! Oh my
Gmah, bah bah byah byah! Why don't
you mind your own business, you scrotum?!
Making movies, making songs 'n fight-in' round the world.
STAN
Dude, why is this guy always beating
everybody up?
RUSSELL CROWE
What a glorious day to spend away fight-in'
round the world.
CARTMAN
What's wrong with the colors on your
TV, Stan? They're all saturated.
STAN
They look fine to me.
KYLE
Just don't mess with it, Cartman.
CARTMAN
Nah, nah, the cable wire must be loose.
KYLE
Just just leave it alone.
CARTMAN
Dude, do you wanna the Terranace & Phillip
trailer with messed-up colors? I don't.
How's that?
STAN
That's worse!
CARTMAN
Okay, how about ... that?
STAN
Dude!
KYLE
God-damnit Cartman! You broke it!
CARTMAN
It was just... I just... Butters, you
asshole!
STAN
Dude, the commercials could start any
time!
CARTMAN
I don't think we're watchin' them on
this TV.
KYLE
God-damnit! Come on, we can go watch
it at my house!
STAN
Get all the stuff!
BUTTERS
Hey fellas. I got the tampons. Uh, I
didn't miss it, did I?
STAN
We're going to Kyle's house to watch!
Come on!
BUTTERS
Oh Jeez.
[The neighborhood. The boys run towards Kyle's house. Stan leads
the way, with Kyle and Butters following]
BUTTERS
Oh boy, uh, Oh Jeez, Oh Jeez
STAN
Hurry! We can't miss the commercials!
CARTMAN
Wait! Wait you guys! You guys! You
guys, wait! You guys, wait!
[Kyle's house, moments later. Ike is watching TV]
A VOICE
...but the Palestinian government uh
is not going to see any for future-
STAN
Huff, huff
BUTTERS
Huh uh hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
RUSSELL CROWE
And so here we are in history-rich Choina.
KYLE
We made it! It hasn't gone to commercials
yet.
KYLE, STAN, BUTTERS
Phew!
IKE
Hey! Imong telling Dat!
CARTMAN
Huh. Ohmigod! Huh.
IKE
Dadadadat!
KYLE
No Ike! They're playing the trailer
to the new Terrance & Phillip movie
during the show, and we have to watch
it!
RUSSELL CROWE
This is Tianinman Square. Lots of good
foitin' has gone on here throughout
the years, including a fan-tastic massacre
that took place back in '93. These
chinamen can grow to over five feet
tall, and in a fight, are known to kick
with their legs. Let's see if we can
get in for a closer look. Oi! I've
gotten close enough now that they're
startin' to get real froigh'ened. You
can see the fine hairs on the back of
their necks standin' on end. Gotcha
mate! Ay, you wanna fight, huh?! Think
you could take me, you little buggers?!
CARTMAN
God, when is this gonna get to the comeercial?
KYLE'S FATHER
Kyle, Ike says you kicked him off the
TV.
KYLE
They're goin' to show the new Terrance
& Phillip trailer
KYLE'S FATHER
You know your brother watches the MacNeil/Lehrer
Report every night at ten!
IKE
Etetheh bunlapala un good night.
KYLE
But Dad, this is all the never-before-seen
footage.
KYLE'S FATHER
It doesn't matter! Ten to eleven is
Ike's time to watch MacNeil/Lehrer
KYLE
God-damnit. Come on, guys. We gotta
go to Butters' house.
STAN
Aww!
CARTMAN
Argh!
BUTTERS
Whoa, wait fellas. We can't go to my
house.
CARTMAN
We can't go to my house either. It's
being fumigated.
STAN
AGH! Wait! Chef just got a new plasma
TV with surround-sound. Let's go to
his house! Come on!
LEHRER
-takin' place there... all these years
are sure to continue until the governments
of these regions can actually come about
soe recon-
IKE
Look at Barney fly.
[The neighborhood. The boys run towards Chef's house. Stan, Kyle,
and Butters run past, huffing and puffing]
CARTMAN
Ey! You guys! I'm seriouslih!
[Chef's house, moments later. The boys are at his front door,
and Stan knocks]
KYLE
God-damnit! If we miss the commercials,
I'll never forgive my brother!
CHEF
Oh. Hello there, children.
THE BOYS
Hey Chef.
CHEF
Uh, how's it goin'?
[Chef's living room. The boys are seated on the sofa, with Stan
trying to get the remote control working]
CHEF
Oh, you wanted to see the new TV, huh?
Pretty cool, ain't it?
STAN
Yeahyeah, how do you change the channels?
CHEF
Uh, I don't know. This TV has more features
than the space shuttle. I can't figure
it out at all.
RUSSELL CROWE
-bloomin' Taj Mahal.
CARTMAN
There, you got it, you got it!
RUSSELL CROWE
Freakin' Indian doesn't even put up
a fight!
STAN
We made it!
CARTMAN
Oh, thank God.
CHEF
Russell Crowe?? Children, you shouldn't
be this show about a man who beats people
up because he's insecure.
CARTMAN
We don't give two craps about Russell
Crowe, Chef. We just wanna see the trailer
about the new Terrance & Phillip movie,
that'ssupposed to play during the commercials.
RUSSELL CROWE
Alright everyone, we're gonna take
our first commercial break. But be sure
not to go anywhere, because there's
lot's more people to beat up.
STAN
Here they come!
KYLE
Heuh, the commercials!
ANNOUNCER
Now back to Russell Crowe, Fightin'
Around The World!
THE BOYS
Awww!
BUTTERS
Awww, they didn't play it. They didn't
show the Terrance & Phillip trailer.
STAN
I knew it. I knew they wouldn't play
it during the first commercial break.
KYLE
Yeah, they want everyone to stick around
and watch more of this retarded show.
RUSSELL CROWE
Making movies, making songs 'n fight-in'
round the world. Oi! Now Tugger's brought
me to one of the greatest places for
foightin' in North America. Brooklyn,
New York. Lots of minorities here, and
they don't take kindly to whitey. Let's
get a closer look. Come on, Tugger!
Looks like we got some black people,
and some Puerto Ricans. Notice the
colorful rags on their heads, meaning
they could be part of a gang, and therefor,
real used to fightin'.
BLACK PLAYER
Hey, look at that guy over there. Ain't
that that Gladiator guy?
PUERTO RICAN PLAYER
Where?
BLACK PLAYER
Behind that plant, next to that tugboat?
PUERTO RICAN PLAYER
Oh yeah, I thnk it is.
RUSSELL CROWE
Oh my God, it's the Gladiator guy!
Oh my God, I've never seen an actor
before! Why don't you choke on some
pig vomit, you stupid sops!
CHEF
Why can't this guy control his temper?
RUSSELL CROWE
Well?? You all just gonna stand there
or are you gonna fight? Croikey, you've
done it now!
CARTMAN
Thsi TV is great, Chef.
CHEF
Yeah, and it's got all kinds of cool
feature, too. Check this out. You can
watch three channels all at once. I
think if you hit this button here-
No, no wait. You hit this button here
No, that's not it. Let's see. Menu
Function
STAN
Dude, put it back, Chef. More commercials
might come on soon.
CHEF
Let's see. Aw, damnit!
KYLE
Get it back to normal, Chef!
CHEF
I'm tryin', children! Menu, back, function-
Enter? No, no. Back. H.E.M.
THE TV
Human eradication mode, active.
STAN
Oh God-damnit!
KYLE
The TV left.
BUTTERS
Uh but the next commercials will be
on soon.
STAN
Come on, we gotta go somewhere else!
[The neighborhood. The boys run towards the bar. Stan, Kyle,
and Butters run past, huffing and puffing]
BUTTERS
Whre do we go? Where do we go?
STAN
The bar! They've got a TV at the bar!
CARTMAN
You guys! Aagh! God-damnit!
[The bar. The boys burst through the door and head for the counter.
The TV turns on to the Russell Crowe show]
RUSSELL CROWE
You fight like Norwegians, ya fairies!
THE BOYS
Phew!
STAN
We made it.
CARTMAN
This is killing me. The human body
was not meant to move quickly like that.
[The Russell Crowe show]
RUSSELL CROWE
These are the Florida Keys, a remote
island chain just a few miles from...
Oi! Wait a minute! Wasn't I just in
Brooklyn fightin' minorities? What happened
wit that?
TUGGER
Mooooot.
RUSSELL CROWE
It's that God-damned editor! He cut
the Brooklyn scene short! Tugger, I'm
gonna get him!
[The editing room, moments later]
EDITOR
Yeah. Oh I'm just working. I'm probably
done around seven.
RUSSELL CROWE
Who the hell do you think you are?!
EDITOR
I'm the editor.
RUSSELL CROWE
I know you're the bloomin' editor! I
mean, who the hell do you think you
are cuttin' one of my foightin' scenes
short?!
EDITOR
Dude, the director said to cut it.
RUSSELL CROWE
Moy foightin' is poetry! You don't edit
Russell Crowe's poetry, you testicle!
JIMBO
Well that guy's just plain nuts.
BARKEEP
Hey hey hey, whoa, you kids can't be
in here.
KYLE
We're not kids. We're full-grown men
with dwarfism! How dare you assume that
all midgets are children! We demand
an apology!
BARKEEP
You ain't midgets, your lips are too
full. Now GET OUT!!
STAN
But we have to watch the commercials
in this show.
BARKEEP
Look, this is a bar! We can't have children
in here. People come here for debauchery
and sin!
CARTMAN
Butters will give hand jobs in the corner
for a dollar.
BUTTERS
Sure! I'm good at all kinds of jobs!
BARKEEP
GET OUT!
THE BOYS
Aaah!
STAN
Come on, we gotta get to a TV!
CARTMAN
Oh, you've gotta be kidding' me!
[Downtown South Park. The TV, now a robot, marches through town
blasting holes into buildings. Chef follows behnd on a cell phone]
CHEF
Yes, is this customer service? I'm havin'
problems with my new television. It
sprouted legs and guns 'n started walkin'
around shootin' people. Uh huh. Okay.
Oh, so I press "menu," then "function."
TOWNSMAN
Jesus! Waaaah!
CHEF
No, that didn't work. Did I set it at
ten o'clock? Uh, no. Oh, really? Well,
how do I do that?
[Shady Acres, A Retirement Community. The boys rush in and head
for the empty seats in the TV room]
CARTMAN
Find the remote! Find the remote! Hold
it!
KYLE
We're not too late!
RUSSELL CROWE
Come on, Tugger ol' mate. Why are you
lookin' so down?
TUGGER
Mooot Mooot.
RUSSELL CROWE
Tugger's in a bit of a sad state. Seems
his girlfriend and him had a bit of
a row last night.
TUGGER
Mooooot.
OLD MAN
...What is this?
[The Russell Crow show.]
RUSSELL CROWE
Come on. Cheer up, Tugger. How can I
make you feel better? I know! How would
you like me to sing one of the songs
off me new album?
TUGGER
Nooo! Nooooo!
RUSSELL CROWE
What's that, Tugger? You say you really
love the songs on my album?
TUGGER
Noooooooooo!
RUSSELL CROWE
Alright then, Tugger.
TUGGER
Noo no. Noooooo!
RUSSELL CROWE
You know that you're my babih. You know
I need you now.
TUGGER
Noooooooooo!
RUSSELL CROWE
I don't know when I'm goin', but I gotta
get there somehow, don't you know, somehow.
TUGGER
Noooooooooo!
RUSSELL CROWE
We'll weather it somehow.
TUGGER
Noooooooooo!
RUSSELL CROWE
You can stay away tonight, but I'm not...
TUGGER
NOOOOO!
RUSSELL CROWE
Tugger I feel your hearbeat, I know
you feel my heart...
TUGGER
NOOOOO! NOOOOO!
RUSSELL CROWE
Tugger! Tugger shot himself!
ANNOUNCER
Has Russell lost Tugger for good? Find
out after these messages.
[Shady Acres TV room.]
CARTMAN
Here we go!
STAN
Commercial Break Number Two!
ANNOUNCER
And now back to Russell Crowe, Fightin'
Around The World!
CARTMAN
That's it? That's all the commercials?
KYLE
They didn't play the Terrance & Phillip
trailer again!
STAN
I knew it. They're waiting until the
very last commercial break.
KYLE
Ugh! We're gonna end up watching this
whole retared Russell Crowe show!
[The Russell Crow show. Russell Crowe is sobbing on a sofa in
a hospital hallway]
RUSSELL CROWE
Tugger! Why'd you do it, Tugger?! Doctor!
Tell me how he is, doctor!
DOCTOR
Well, he's a very sick little tugboat.
[Shady Acres TV room.]
OLD MAN
What is this? We wanna watch "Puppies
From Around The World."
OLD WOMAN
Yeah. We don't like this show.
CARTMAN
Sh. Okay?! Old people need to be quiet
right now!
[The Russell Crow show.]
RUSSELL CROWE
You've gotta save him, Doc! Tugger!
'E's my best friend! The only friend
in the world who would-
DOCTOR
He's going to live, but-
RUSSELL CROWE
Oi! Don't you interrupt me, you vagina!
I was givin' a heart-wrenchin' soliloquy
about me feelin's for Tugger!
DOCTOR
Sorry.
RUSSELL CROWE
Oh, Tugger! Tugger, the world won't
be as bright without ya, mate! Give
it to me straight, doctor! Will Tugger
live?! Tell me the truth!
DOCTOR
...Now?
RUSSELL CROWE
Yes, now's fine.
DOCTOR
Oh. Uh, your tugboat's going to be okay.
He just needs an oil change and a new
steamstack.
RUSSELL CROWE
Ooo, delolly! D'you hear that, everybody?!
Tugger's gonna be okay! D'you know what
that makes me feel like doin'? Fightin'!
[Shady Acres TV room.]
OLD MAN
This show is too violent! Put the puppies
back on!
OLD FOLKS
Yeah!
OLD WOMAN 2
Please
CARTMAN
Shut up! Shut the hell up! We're watching
this until the next commercial and that's
final, old people!
OLD MAN 2
All right, that does it! We know how
to get our way! Everyone, on the count
of three, release your bowels! One!
Two!
THE BOYS
Awww!
CARTMAN
Eewww!
STAN
Oh, God, it's horrible!
[Shady Acres entrance.]
KYLE
That'd disgusting, dude!
CARTMAN
God, I hate old people!
STAN
We have to go to Butters' or Cartman's
house! We have nowhere else to go!
BUTTERS
I told you, we can't go to my house!
CARTMAN
And my house is being fumigated!
STAN
Well, screw it! We'll watch it in your
house even if it is being fumigated!
[The neighborhood. The boys rush to Cartman's house.]
THE BOYS
...come on!
[Cartman's house and garage, under purple and orange tarps. The
boys enter a living room filled with fumigation gas, which makes
the room look foggy.]
[The Russell Crow show.]
RUSSELL CROWE
Crikey! Our Tugger looks healthy, happy,
and fit as a whistle!
[Cartman's living room]
KYLE
It's okay, it's still the show.
[The Russell Crow show.]
RUSSELL CROWE
But you know, Tugger's attempted suicide
made me realize that I should take up
a cause. Most great actors take up causes,
and I'm the greatest of them all! So,
from now on i'm goona spend all my spare
time ...fighting cancer. Right! Where
is that pussy cnacer anyway?!
[Cartman's living room. the gas is overwhelming them, and they
look ready to pass out]
KYLE
Oh, dude, I don't know how I can take
it.
STAN
Me neither. I'll be dead before the
commercials. Wait a minute! I forgot
there's a black and white television
back at my house!
KYLE
Will your sister let us watch it?
STAN
She has to!
[The neighborhood. The boys rush back to Stan's house.]
STAN
Hurry! The commercials will be on any
minute!
BUTTERS
Aw! Oh man! Uh, uh uh uh...
CARTMAN
Hey you guys! Eugh! Oh God! Oh, Jesus
help me! Oh! I forgot the doughnuts!
Oooh! Oh oh! Oh my God! Leave those
doughnuts at home!
[Stan's house. The boys reach the front door.]
BUTTERS
Oh Jesus! Wait.
STAN
What?
BUTTERS
I never gave Shelley her tampons. She's
been those whole time without them.
THE BOYS
AAAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhh.
SHELLEY
I told you I needed tampons, tuurrddsss!
KYLE
Look! Crack addicts with a television!
[The Russell Crowe show. Russell is in a hospital room with Tugger]
RUSSELL CROWE
Well, we couldn't fight cancer, but
we found a man with cancer. Take that,
cancer! And that!
TUGGER
Mooot Mooot!
STAN
The last commercial break has to be
coming on any second!
ALL
AAAAA!
CHEF
...Yes, I pressed "menu" three thimes!
No! It's givin' me the same error message!
Yes I read the instruction maual!
[Luau's Toys, moments later. The boys run by]
THE BOYS
Where do we go?!
KYLE
Oh Jesus! Now where do we go??
STAN
We've tried everywhere! Butters, are
you absolutely sure we can't go to your
house??
BUTTERS
I'm sure! there's no way!
KYLE
Uh why not?!
BUTTERS
Uh because! Uh my parents are out of
town, and I don't have a babysitter.
CARTMAN
Oh, God-damnit you better be kidding!
BUTTERS
No! I really dont have a babysitter.
That's why I'm stayin' at Stan's.
KYLE
This whole time your TV is in a house
with nobody in it?!
STAN
Come on, let's just go! We'll kill Butters
later!
[Butters' house, minutes later. The boys burst through the front
door]
THE BOYS
AAAAA!!
CARTMAN
The time has come! Turn it on, turn
it on!
[The Russell Crow show.]
RUSSELL CROWE
And so we'll be right back after these
commercials.
STAN
We've made it!
KYLE
The last commercial break is starting!
ANNOUNCER
Don't go anywhere. Russell Crowe will
be right back after a few more commercials.
CARTMAN
These commercials are all so God-damned
stupid!
STAN
Jesus Christ, how long is this commercial
break gonna be??
KYLE
What if they don't show the Terrance
& Phillip trailer at all? What if we
went through all of this for nothing?
BUTTERS
They have to show it! They promised
they would!
CARTMAN
You guys, calm down. This is what TV
shows always do. They make the last
commercial break the longest.
KYLE
That's bullcrap! TV shows are gay!
STAN
Wait a minute! Look! "The following
preview has..." This is it! This is
it!
[The Terrance & Phillip trailer]
ANNOUNCER
Coming this summer! The greatest Canadian
duo of all time is back.
CARTMAN
Woohoo!!!
STAN, KYLE, BUTTERS
Yeeeeesss!
STAN
That looks AWEsome!
KYLE
They were wearing cowboy hats! Did
you see?? Did you see??
CARTMAN
Clyde, Clyde? Did you see that? Yeah,
we- Whoa, we think it's gonna be good,
too.
BUTTERS
Hey, I'm so glad we didn't miss it!
CARTMAN
You guys, Clyde said he taped it and
kids can come over to have a see.
STAN
Oh, dude, let's go!
BUTTERS
Yeah.
KYLE
Hey, that's even better than their first
movie, huh?
CARTMAN
Yeah, it sure does!
STAN
I wonder if it all a western?
BUTTERS
How far away is June?
[The Russell Crow show, sunset. The sun is about to drop over
the horizon behind Russell and Tugger.]
RUSSELL CROWE
Well, we sure had a good time today,
didn't we, kids? We fought some Chinamen,
a few packers, and a lot of Colombians,
to name just a few. But I sure am glad
we got ol' Wally B. back. Aren't you??
WALLY B.
I'm glad to be back, Rusell!
A GIRL
Oh my God, it's Russell Crowe!
RUSSELL CROWE
Oh my God it's Russell Crowe! Oh my
bluh bluh bluh!! Why don't you flush
yourself down the toilet, you cu-
TUGGER
Mooo-oooo.
RUSSELL CROWE
Uh oh, Tugger's whistle. You know what
that means.
Tugger's whistle's blowin'
Means we must be goin'
No more Russell Crowein' for you.
[does some boxing moves and then hops into the boat]
But now don't you start to whine
I'll see ya again next time.
'Cause there's plenty a-more a-foightin' left to do.
[Wally B. hops closer, and finally into Russell's arms. Next
shot, a departing Tugger, headed for the sunset. Russell appears
and sings the signature line, slowing with every word]
Makin' movies, makin' songs, an' foightin' round the world.
See you next time, everybody! [waves to the camera]
[South Park, night. Chef's TV is still walking around, but this
time away from town. It's showing the Russell Crowe show. Chef
is still trying to shut it down.]
CHEF
So I'm supposed to press "menu," then
"function," then "enter."
THE END
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