"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 613
"THE RETURN OF THE FELLOWSHIP OF
THE RING TO THE TWO TOWERS"
Written by
Trey Parker
[Stan's house, night. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman stand in the living
room in costume]
STAN
O Great Wizard of Gregendath. What quest
do you ask of this Ranger and Paladin?
CARTMAN
Only one thing can save our kingdom.
You must bring me: a piece of pecan
pie with toffee ice cream and magic
shell. Hurry now!
KYLE
That quest sucks, Cartman! Think of
another one!
RANDY
Uh, boys, Butters' parents want to
borrow the Lord of the Rings video we
rented. Could you take it over to them?
STAN
You're sending us on... a quest? You
ask of us to take the one video to the
House of Butters?
RANDY
Yeah, whatever.
CARTMAN
It shall be a long journey with many
dangers on the way.
KYLE
But if the tape must be brought to the
House of Butters, who else can do it?
STAN
Very well, we shall embark on this
quest immediately, father! Come, warriors!
THE BOYS
Ho!
RANDY
Hmmm, that gets rid of them.
SHARON
Ooo, you're a little frisky, aren't
you?
RANDY
Yeah, well uh, the Lord of the Rings
wasn't the only thing I rented from
the video store. I also rented... a
porno.
SHARON
Oho, you little devil.
RANDY
Youuu wanna go watch?
[The neighborhood streets, night. The boys are well into their
quest]
STAN
How shall we journey to the house of
Butters? Through the mines of Endor
or over the mountains of Grog?
KYLE
Look out! Here comes the great dragon
of Perengraph!
CARTMAN
Don't worry! I am the great wizard Motortart.
I can shield us from the dragon's fire.
STAN
Good job, wizard.
CARTMAN
And so the party journeyed onward: the
great Wizard, the skillful Ranger, and
the covetous Jew.
KYLE
I'm a Paladin, Cartman!
CARTMAN
Jews can't be Paladins.
[Stan's house, night. As the kid journey, Randy and Sharon are
in their room getting ready for a night of porno. Sharon appears
in a ruby lingerie, leans suggestively against the doorway of
the master bathroom and runs her finger along the bedroom wall.
Randy takes the porno to the TV]
SHARON
Hey there, cowboy.
RANDY
You ready for some hot, steamy fun?
SHARON
You bet I am!
RANDY
The guys at the office told me I had
to rent this porno. They said "this
is without a doubt thee hottest porno
ever made."
SHARON
Mmm, sounds good.
RANDY
I love that lingerie. Yeah. You like
that?
SHARON
Mm, yeah baby.
RANDY
Yeeaahhh. Alright, you ready?
SHARON
Ready?
RANDY
Oh yeah.
NARRATOR
The story begins in ages past, in the
deep regions of Middle Earth, where
Scorn first thrived in the kingdom of
Gelgelar.
RANDY
Aw man, I hate when pornos try to have
a story.
NARRATOR
Seven rings were cast and given to the
races of men.
RANDY
Oh yeah.
NARRATOR
Seven, to the races of elves, five to
the gloondock villagers of Gelgendor.
SHARON
Wow, the production values are really
good in this porno.
RANDY
Yeah, it almost looks like... the Lord
of the... OH MY GOD! <> This is Lord
of the Rings!!
SHARON
But then that means...!
RANDY
The boys have the hottest porno ever
made!
[Night, Butters' house. The boys approach. Kyle knocks, Mr. Stotch
answers, Mrs. Stotch arrives a moment later]
CHRIS
Oh, hello boys.
STAN
My father has asked that we bring you
this copy of Lord of the Rings.
CHRIS
Well, thank you very much, kind heroes.
CARTMAN
Perhaps a reward is in order. Gold?
Frankensteincense?
CHRIS
Oh, but you are noble heroes! We know
our thanks is enough.
CARTMAN
Man, that's crap.
[Butters' house, basement. Butters is drawing something on paper.
His parents descend with video in hand]
CHRIS
Butters, look what we have for you
to watch: the Lord of the Rings.
BUTTERS
Oh, boy! Finally I get to see it!
LINDA
Now Daddy and I have to do our taxes,
so you can watch this by yourself and
not get scared?
BUTTERS
Ah I won't get scared, Mom. Promise!
CHRIS
That's our man. Here you go.
BUTTERS
Ooh la lolly! I finally get to see,
the Lord of the- Rings.
MAN
Spank that ass
BUTTERS
Whoa. Neato. Well, this is good.
[The Marsh car. Randy drives, Sharon worries. They have donned
pajamas and thrown on coats]
SHARON
Oh my God, this is gonna be so embarassing.
"Hi Chris, Hi Linda. We were just wondering
if we could get our porno back."
RANDY
Calm down, maybe the boys haven't gotten
there yet.
[The woods, night. As Randy and Sharon head for Butters' house,
the boys walk home through backwoods]
CARTMAN
And so the party returns home after
completing their great quest.
STAN
The one tape was returned and South
Park was again at peace.
KYLE
Quick! A monster of Rivendell!
CARTMAN
Prepare for battle!
SHARON
The boys!
RANDY
Boys! Boys! Where's the videotape?
STAN
We gave it to the parents of Butters
as commanded by you.
SHARON
Awgh, I gues we have to go talk to 'em
now.
RANDY
Wellll, wait a minute, uhhh, boys, do
you think you can go get that tape back
for us really fast?
CARTMAN
This sounds like a really important
quest.
RANDY
Yes, it is. It is more important than
anything I've ever asked you to do.
You must retrieve the tape. But do not
look at it, uh, for it ...holds an evil
power! Retrieve the tape, and return
it to us at home. Do this, and you
will be greatly rewarded.
STAN
Woww.
CARTMAN
This... is so cool.
KYLE
Gentlemen, we are OFF!
RANDY
Okay, problem solved.
[Butters' house, moments later. Butters is looking at more of
the video. Steamy action is heard]
WONAN
...Oh my God, I'm so... Mmmm, mmm...
BUTTERS
Oh golly. Hey, what's happening down
there?
STAN
We have come to reclaim the one tape!
BUTTERS
Wha, wha, what are you doing?!
KYLE
The Queen and King of Stan's's house
wish the Lord of the Rings returned
to them.
BUTTERS
M-but it's the greatest movie I have
ever seen. You guys were right. Lord
of the Rings IS awesome. Eh, you have
to let me finish watching it.
CARTMAN
Nay, Butters! The one tape must be brought
back to Stan's's house!
[Butters' house, outside.]
BUTTERS
BWAAAGH!
KYLE
Butters! We said you can't watch it!
We have a quest!
BUTTERS
Well then, then let me go with you.
KYLE
Okay, fine Butters. But if you're gonna
hang out with us, you have to play like
Lord of the Rings.
BUTTERS
Wuh, okay. Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh,
yeah.
KYLE
Butters, what the hell are you doing?!
BUTTERS
Playing Lord of the Rings. Ugh, wegh,
oh yeah.
KYLE
Get the hell off me! You're a freak,
Butters! You can't play with us!
BUTTERS
Wah let me have the tape!
STAN
No, we have to return it!
BUTTERS
My movie! My awesome cool movie. My...
preciousss.
[The woods, night. The boys retrace their steps through the backwoods]
CARTMAN
And so the tape was again retrieved
to be brought back to Stan's's house.
KYLE
This copy of Lord of the Rings made
the young Butters behave quite awfully.
STAN
Yeah, and mine parents were acting strange
about it, too.
CARTMAN
Perhaps the one videotape has some power
we have not foreseen.
SIXTH GRADER 1
Well well well! If it isn't Robin Hood
and he Merry Men!
KYLE
Oh, crap, the sixth graders!
SIXTH GRADER 1
Whatcha got there?
STAN
Nothing. Hey kid!
SIXTH GRADER 1
Lord of the Rings? Ha! That movie's
gay!
CARTMAN
You're gay!
SIXTH GRADER 1
What the? Whoa! Check it out, you
guys!
STAN
Give it back! We're on a quest to return
it to my parents!
SIXTH GRADER 1
No way! We're keepin' this and watchin'
it ourselves!
KYLE
You can't keep it.
SIXTH GRADER 1
And what are three little fourth graders
gonna do about it, huh?!
STAN
There's four of us! Kenny's soul is
still trapped in Cartman's body!
CARTMAN
Yeah!
SIXTH GRADER 1
Oh man, I can't wait to see this!
KYLE
Dude, that video is making people act
strange.
CARTMAN
The one tape must be returned! Run!
SIXTH GRADER 1
Get 'em!
[Butters' house. The Marshes have arrived, and Randy knocks on
the door. Chris answers the door again]
CHRIS
Oh, hello Randy, Sharon.
RANDY
Uh Chris, are the boys over here?
LINDA
No, just Butters. He's been watching
the Lord of the Rings downstairs.
SHARON
Oh dear!
CHRIS
What's the matter?
RANDY
We... well, this is really sort of
funny, but uh, we, we accidently put
a... porno in the Lord of the Rings
box.
LINDA
Ohh Godd!!
[Butters' basement. The adults enter. The TV is still on, but
there's no picture. Butters isn't around]
CHRIS
Butters?
LINDA
Butters? Butters!
BUTTERS
The preciousss? Could you bring back
my preciousss?
CHRIS
Butters, where is the movie you were
watching?
BUTTERS
They took his precious, took it away
to watch without him. He was really
enjoying that movie, too! My... precious.
RANDY
The boys must've come and saw what it
was and... then taken it away somewhere.
SHARON
Oh no.
[The woods, later. The camera moves from a clearing to a tree
with a large root shading a pocket underneath. The boys come
into view]
KYLE
We can't let those sixth graders get
their hands on this videotape.
CARTMAN
I must say I agree. If this copy of
the Lord of the Rings is tainted, it
would not be safe in the wrong hands.
SIXTH GRADER 1
I smell fourth graders!
STAN
Oh crap, dude!
KYLE
Hide!
SIXTH GRADER 2
Hey. I think I see something down
the hill.
STAN
Ogh.
KYLE
Phew. The one videotape is sought after
indeed.
STAN
Yeah. Butters, my parents, now the sixth
graders.
CARTMAN
Come, guys. We must bring this all
to the attention of the High Elf of
Paragon.
KYLE
Yeah, the High Elf. He'll know what
to do.
[Kyle's house, night. The boys' parents are all gathered in the
living room.]
RANDY
And so that's the situation. All the
boys are out there somewhere with a...
pornographic videotape.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh God, this, this is horrible!
KYLE'S FATHER
All right, calm down. Now, just how
bad of a porno tape are we talking here?
I mean, was it like Crotch Capers 3?
RANDY
I'm a...fraid it was... Back Door Sluts
9.
GERALD, CHRIS
Back Door Sluts 9???
LINDA
Is that bad?
CHRIS
Back Door Sluts 9 makes Crotch Capers
3 look like Naughty Nurses 2!
KYLE'S FATHER
Ih, it is the single most vile, twisted,
dark piece of porn ever made.
KYLE'S MOTHER
How the hell do you know?!
KYLE'S FATHER
I, uh, I I I read about it in People.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh, this is just great! How could you
two be so careless?!
SHARON
We're sorry.
LIANE
Well, Sheila, we can't shelter our boys
forever from these things. Maybe it's
okay for them to see an adult film.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Not without their parents to put it
in a proper context! They won't understand
what they're seeing!
RANDY
It it can't hurt 'em that much, can
it?
BUTTERS
Preciousss. Let me see my preciousss.
Plee-ee-ee-ease!
[Stan, Kyle, and Cartman arrive at a house. Stan rings the doorbell
twice, but no answer.]
CARTMAN
Open. Bellog.
CLYDE
What do you guys want?
STAN
We must speak with the High Elf of Paragon.
CLYDE
Oh. Okay, hang on a second. What troubles
you?
KYLE
We have in our possession something
of great power. It is... the Lord of
the Rings.
CLYDE
So? I have three copies. And the DVD
with twelve hours of extra footage.
STAN
Yes, but this is not a- Wow, twelve
hours? ...Yes, but this is not a normal
copy. It's making people act really
strange.
CARTMAN
We're seriously, High Elf. Something
very evil lurks in this tape.
CLYDE
Very well, I shall call the council
together. Meet me in the Woods of Gathering
behind Talangar the Black's house. And
don't let my mom see you, 'cause I'll
get in trouble.
CARTMAN
Thank you, High Elf of Paragon.
CLYDE
Faragon, asshole!
CARTMAN
Clyde's a dick.
[A parking lot in town, night. A bunch of kids are gathered there
on their bikes. The lead sixth graders hops onto a car and gets
the others' attention.]
SIXTH GRADER 1
Alright, everybody listen up! There's
three snot-nosed little fourth graders
out there who have a porno called Back
Door Sluts 9.
OTHER SIXTH GRADERS
Oooooo!
SIXTH GRADER 1
I checked it out on the Internet, and
it said that Back Door Sluts 9 is thee
most hard-core porno ever made!
OTHER SIXTH GRADERS
Ahhhhh!
SIXTH GRADER 1
I have amassed this army of sixth graders
to get the tape by any means necessary!
Now, let's go get that porno!!
[Token's mansion, backyard, night. Very leafy backyard indeed.
The camera moves from a shot of the moon to a shot of all the
fourth grade boys seated around a small table.]
CLYDE
And so that is the situation. The video
may or may not have evil power. Kyle,
would you bring it up here, please?
OTHER BOYS
Ahhh.
JIMMY
That video could have been made by Sauron's
evil f- ...forces.
CRAIG
It could hold a mental spell of some
kind.
KEVIN
Perhaps we could use it to strengthen
our star cruisers.
CARTMAN
Kevin, God-damnit!
CLYDE
Look, until we see this tape's power
for ourselves, we cannot risk giving
it to anybody.
STAN
But if we watch it, we could fall under
its spell, too.
CLYDE
That is true. Only a Paladin with a
high constitution should watch the tape.
Therefore, I think it is a job for you,
Talangar the Black.
TOKEN
I am not scared. I'll go inside and
watch the tape, just for a few seconds.
If I do not return in two minutes, send
a party in after me. The fate of Middle
Earth... is in my hands.
[The neighborhood. The sixth graders come into view on their
bicycles making all sorts of noise]
SIXTH GRADER 1
Fourth graders! Give us that porno!
SHARON
Boys?
KYLE'S MOTHER
Boys, we're not mad at you. We just
wanna talk to you.
[Token's mansion, backyard. The boys wait for Token's verdict]
CARTMAN
Talangar the Black returns from watching
the video.
CLYDE
What vice did you see on the videotape,
Talangar? Is it the work of Sauron's
magic?
TOKEN
I'm not playing anymore.
STAN
Uh well wait, what'd you see?
TOKEN
I don't know, I don't wanna know. I'm
out.
CARTMAN
My God, this thing must really be powerful.
KYLE
This tape makes people freak out wherever
it goes.
STAN
What do we do with it?
CLYDE
One thing for sure, this tape cannot
be trusted with anybody. This must be
returned to the video store from whence
it came.
JIMMY
Well where is the videotape rented from?
KYLE
Two Towers Video Store. Ih in Conifer.
TWEEK
Conifer?? Walking there would take hours!
CLYDE
There's no alternative. We have to return
the tape before it causes more damage!
KINDERGARTNER
I'll go.
CLYDE
Ha! We cannot trust something of that
much power to a dwarf! Especially a
kindergartner dwarf.
CRAIG
You're too young.
CARTMAN
Quiet!
JIMMY
You guys, this is stupid.
CARTMAN
You're acting like a bunch of assholes!
STAN
I will take it! I will walk to the
video store.
CLYDE
It is too far and too dangerous to go
alone. Take with you the wizard , the
dwarf , the warrior , the cleric , and
the Jew .
KYLE
Paladin!
CLYDE
Very well. You shall be the Fellowship
of the Lord of the Rings. Good luck.
I have to go home now before I get in
trouble.
TWEEK
Me too.
OTHER BOYS
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CRAIG
Only the six of us are to go?
STAN
No no, there's seven of us. Kenny's
soul is still trapped in Cartman's body,
remember?
CARTMAN
Yeah, stupid. Yeah. Luckily, Cartman's
body is big enough for the both of us.
Shut up, Kenny.
[Kenosha Pass, snowing. The boys walk along the highway through
the pass]
NARRATOR
So it was that the heroes traveled many
miles to return the Lord of the Rings
to the video store.
KYLE
We have reached the Great Pass of Mount
Ururalak.
CRAIG
Look out!
KYLE
We were almost killed.
CARTMAN
A dark wizard must be trying to stop
us!
STAN
True. Someone or something doesn't want
this video returned to the video store.
[Token's mansion. The boys' parents are at the front door. The
front door opens and Token's parents appear]
TOKEN'S FATHER
Oh. Hello everybody.
KYLE'S FATHER
Steve, uh, we heard that a bunch of
the kids were over here a little while
ago.
TOKEN'S MOTHER
Well yes, I believe they were, but they've
gone. What's the matter?
RANDY
We think our boys might be showing other
chiildren a, uh, ...pornographic tape.
STEVE
Wha? But Token's never seen a porno
before. He wouldn't know what to- Oh
God!
TOKEN'S MOTHER
Token!
[The dining room table. Token sits alone on one of the many seats
there. The adults arrive]
TOKEN'S MOTHER
Token? Did the boys come over and..
show you a movie?
STEVE
Token? Alright, Token. We know you
must be very confused about what you
saw.
RANDY
Yes, uh... you see, Token... that was
called a pornographic film uh, ih it
shows adult men and adult women having
sexual intercourse. Well, ya, you see,
when a, when a man and a woman fall
in love, the the man puts his penis
in the woman's vagina. It's called love-making,
and it's part of being in love.
TOKEN
...And when the woman has four penises
in her at the same time, then stands
over the men and pees on them, is that
part of being in love too? Five midgets,
spanking a man... covered in Thousand
Island dressing. Is that making love?
STEVE
Jesus, what kind of porno is that??
KYLE'S FATHER
It was Back Door Sluts 9.
STEVE
Oh, Jesus, not that one!
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh, Gerald, poor Kyle must be just as
confused and scared as this poor kid.
KYLE'S FATHER
Uh Token, this is very important: do
you know where the boys went with the
naughty tape?
[Bailey town limit. The boys arrive there]
CRAIG
We're entering the limits of Bailey.
Everyone stay close.
STAN
Perhaps the Great Ringworm of Bailey
is about.
KINDERGARTNER
Ringworms are no match for a dwarf.
CARTMAN
Guys, we shall slay the Ringworm and
take his bounty of treasure! For that
is the way of the-
BOY 1
I shall put the magic spell on you!
BOY 2
I have blocked your spell, wizard!
KYLE
Hey, what are you guys doing?
BOY 3
We're playing Harry Potter.
CARTMAN
HA!! Fags!!
KYLE
You guys. Somebody is following us.
CARTMAN
It's Butters.
KYLE
Butters?
CARTMAN
Yes. He's been following us for like
two hours.
BUTTERS
The precious videotape. L-let the Butters
see it.
CARTMAN
Just ignore him - maybe he'll go away.
JIMMY
Hey fellas, mind if we take a little
re-rest?
CARTMAN
There's no time for rest, sorcerer!
Keep up!
JIMMY
They are coming. You guys go on ahead.
KYLE
Jimmy, are you sure?
JIMMY
Go! You shall not! ...pah? You shall
not! puh. You shall not paah. You
shall not pa-! You shall not paah!
You shall not puh-uh-uh You shall
not pass.
[A river, further along the quest. Stan looks back to see about
Jimmy.]
STAN
Jimmy didn't stop them!
KYLE
They're gonna take the Lord of the Rings
from us.
CARTMAN
Quick! Cross the river! Sixth graders
can't stand water!
CRAIG
What? That's stupid.
CARTMAN
I'm a high-ranking white wizard, Craig,
and I say sixth graders are opposed
to WATER!
CRAIG
Whatever. I'm going back to play with
the Harry Potter kids.
KINDERGARTNER
Me too.
CARTMAN
Go ahead and play Harry Butthole Pussy
Potter!
STAN
Just get across the river! They're coming!
SIXTH GRADER 1
What the hell is wrong with you guys?!
Get the tape!
SIXTH GRADER 4
Dude, I don't wanna get wet.
SIXTH GRADER 5
Yeah, I don't really like the water.
SIXTH GRADER 2
Besides, if our bikes get wet, their
chains'll rust.
SIXTH GRADER 1
Oh God-damnit. Alright, come on. We'll
find a bridge.
[The woods, later. The boys walk through it]
NARRATOR
The quest continued to return the Lord
of the Rings to the video store.
STAN
Man, we should have never crossed that
stupid river.
KYLE
Yeah. Good job, Wizard Fatass! Now we're
totally lost.
CARTMAN
We're not lost, Jewgar of Jewlingrad,
we just don't know where we are! That's
what lost means, stupid! Kenny, shut
your Goddamned mouth!!
STAN
This is great! We're in the middle of
nowhere and nobody knows what direction
the video store is in!
BUTTERS
The Butters knowses.
KYLE
Oh brother!
BUTTERS
The video store. Yesss. Not far from
here. We can show you wheres it is.
STAN
Where?!
BUTTERS
First, just let Butters sseee the precious.
KYLE
No Butters. Look what it's done to you.
It's made you even lamer than before.
CARTMAN
If that was possible.
STAN
Tell us how to get to the video store,
Butters, or else we're gonna kick your
ass!
BUTTERS
Ha-a-a. No hurtses the Butters. We
will show you the way. Yesss. This way
it is.
[The road. The Marshes and the Broflovskis ride in the Marsh
car, with Randy driving, and Chris drives the Stotch car]
KYLE'S MOTHER
This is awful! I just know with every
passing minute, little Kyle is seeing
more and more depraved sex acts!
KYLE'S FATHER
Well we'll find them. A-and then we'll
try to put what they saw into context.
SHARON
Look! There's one of the boys now!
Jimmy!
RANDY
Jimmy! Jimmy! Where did the boys go
with the porno tape??
JIMMY
They're taking it to the vi... the vi...
the vii...
CHRIS
Come on Jimmy, we don't have a lot of
time.
JIMMY
They took it back to the video s...
the video s...
RANDY
The video sandwich?
CHRIS
The video stockyard.
RANDY
What's a video stockyard, Jimmy?
JIMMY
No, the video suh... the video s...tih...
KYLE'S FATHER
Stinger?
CHRIS
Staples. They went to the video Staples.
Where's that, Jimmy?
JIMMY
N-n-NO, you retards! the video s...tore!
ADULTS
THE VIDEO STORE!
KYLE'S MOTHER
Hurry! Hurry!
RANDY
I know where it is!
[Two Towers video store. The boys arrive out of breath and head
for the front door]
KYLE
Oh no! They're closed!
STAN
Closed??
SIXTH GRADER 1
There they are!
SIXTH GRADER 6
Don't let them turn it back into the
video store!
CARTMAN
We're screwed.
STAN
Wait. A drop box. Quick, Kyle, drop
the movie in!
KYLE
Finally. It's over.
BUTTERS
Precious. Must have our precious. Waaah!
KYLE
Butters! No!
BUTTERS
Nows wees hases it!
STAN
They're coming!
KYLE
It has to go back!
BUTTERS
It wantses to stay with the Butter kid.
SIXTH GRADER 1
There it is! Give me that tape!
KYLE
Let go of the tape, Butters!
BUTTERS
I'll never let go!
KYLE
Fine!
BUTTERS
Precious!
SIXTH GRADER 1
Nooo! No nooo! Damnit!
SIXTH GRADER 2
Aw man, now we'll never see the hot
action.
SIXTH GRADER 1
You stupid little fourth graders!
CARTMAN
The tape is returned to which it came.
Its power over you shall fade as well.
KYLE
Middle Earth is again safe.
SIXTH GRADER 1
Yeah? Well that's not gonna stop us
from kicking your asses!
STAN
Uh oh.
[the lead sixth grader approaches punching his left fist into
his right hand. The other sixth graders move in alowly. Headlights
appear and a car horn sounds. The sixth graders look at the cars,
as do the boys. The cars pull to a stop short of the boys]
RANDY
Boys! Boys!
SIXTH GRADER 1
Crap! Parents! Come on, guys. We'll
see you next time, fourthies!
CARTMAN
And perhaps they would. But for now
the sixth grader army was defeated.
RANDY
There you are!
KYLE'S MOTHER
Oh Kyle! You're safe!
STAN
Oh hey guys, uh. We were just about
to come home. We had to return the video.
RANDY
A-alright, now, now listen, kids. There's
some things we need to put into context
for you. You see, a man puts his penis
into a woman's vagina for both love
and pleasure. But sometimes the woman
lays on top of the man facing the other
way so that they can put each other's
genitals in their mouths. Uh this is
called "sixty-nining" and it's normal.
SHARON
See boys, a woman is sensitive in her
vagina and it... feels good to have
a man's penis inside of it.
KYLE'S MOTHER
That's right, but sometimes a woman
chooses to use other things. Telephones,
staplers, magazines. It's because the
nerve endings in the vagina are so sensitive,
it's like a fun tickle.
KYLE'S FATHER
Now, on to double penetration, boys.
You see, sometimes when a woman has
sex with more than one man, each man
makes love to a different orifice.
RANDY
That's right. It's something adults
can do with really good friends in a
comfortable setting.
KYLE'S MOTHER
It's also important that you understand
why some people choose to urinate on
each other.
RANDY
Going number 1 or number 2 on your lover
is something people might do, but you
must make sure your partner is okay
with it before you start doing it.
KYLE'S FATHER
Okay boys. Do you have any questions?
STAN
...Wwow.
RANDY
Well, let's all get going.
KYLE'S MOTHER
Yeah, come on boys. Time to get home.
CHRIS
Wait a minute. Where's Butters?
[Two Towers video store, inside the bin behind the drop box.]
BUTTERS
Wu-u-wees hases our preciouseses! Preciouseses!
Preciouseses!
THE END
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