[South Park Elementary, day. Class is in session. The kids are
chattering when Mrs. Garrison gets their attention]
Children, children, we have a very special
announcement. Your classmate, Token,
has just returned from winning the Colorado
Child Star Contest with his incredible
singing! Well let's give him a hand!
Of course he sings. He's black.
Token is going to sing in front of a
huge audience at the Miss Colorado Pageant
in Denver. And for doing it he's gonna
be paid two hundred dollars.
Two hundred dollars.
Now of course, as a woman, I'm a bit
against those chauvinistic pageants,
but I hope that you children take a
moment today to congratulate Token for
being so special.
[South Park Elementary, lunchtime. Stan and friends sit at a
table just outside the school kitchen. They're deep in thought]
Wow, two hundred dollars. Can you imagine?
How come we never get opportunities
You wanna know what it is, guys?
We're not talented?
That's right. We're not talented. See,
we're not the artistic side, we're the
Yeah. We're too smart to be talented.
Wait, you guys! I just had an amazing
idea. Token is going right to the top,
right. I mean, he's gonna be a huge
So, why shouldn't we get some of that
money? We can be Token's agents. That
way, we get ten percent of whatever
Hey yeah! We deserve that money just
as much as he does.
We just need a really kickass office
and some nice suits. A and a fountain
in our lobby. All top agencies have
fountains in their lobbies. We gotta
make Token think he needs us, when actually
he doesn't need us at all.
Cartman tries out his suit in front
of a full-length mirror in his room.
Stan and Kyle try out suits in Kyle's
room. Next, the boys are in a department
store purchasing cell phones at Bull's
Eye. Next, Stan and Kyle carry an executive
desk into the new office. Next, Cartman
and Kenny steal a fountain from somebody's
backyard. Next, flyers for the new agency,
Super Awesome Talent Agency, are printed
out. Next, the boys are at a copy center
to get some business cards. Next, Cartman
and Kyle set up signs around town. Next,
the finished office is shown... in Cartman's
basement. The four boys congratulate
each other for a job well donw.]
[South Park, day. Token walks by one of the signs the boys drew
up. He notices it and stops to read it. The boys hide around
the corner. Stan peaks around the corner.]
He's looking at the sign.
Perfect! All right, you guys get back
to the office, I'll bring Token there.
Wait a minute! You guys, this is very
important: when I bring Token back to
the office, have Kenny hide in another
room, and call the phone on my desk.
Because I'll answer and pretend I'm
talking to somebody super famous and
important. When Token sees that, maybe
he'll think we're legit.
Okay, go go, here he comes. Yeah?
Well then tell him we're just not interested.
Oh hey, Token! Buddy, my man, what
Hey, you know, I heard you were doing
some thing down in Denver tomorrow night.
Yeah I don't know if I ever told you
this before, but I'm actually an agent
over at the Super Awesome Talent Agency.
You may have seen our ads around town.
Anyway, why don't you come down to the
office, Token? Maybe I can convince
the company to represent you.
I'm supposed to be home by 3:30.
This will only take a second.
[Cartman's basement - er, Super Awesome Talent Agency. Cartman
takes Token down the stairs and onto the agency floor]
Welcome to our offices, Token. As you
can see, we are quite a successful company.
Did you notice the fountain? Pretty
nice, hm? Come on over this way, Token.
Guys, you remember Token. He's thinking
about becoming a client.
Oohhhh Token. Right, yeah, you're makin'
a smart move, man.
Now, Token, I I know what you're saying
to yourself: You're saying, "Hey, why
do I need an agency? Why should I give
them ten percent?" Right?
Token, the truth is that without representation,
you in danger of being taken advantage
of. Uh uh, excuse me just a second,
Token. Super Awesome Talent Agency.
Oh yes, hello! How are you, Abraham
Lincoln? Yeahh, yeah, no, I'm happy
you called, Abraham Lincoln. I'm just
sort of in the middle of something right
Can I talk to you?!
I'll I'll call you back, Abe.
What the hell are you doing?!
I'm making it look like important people
Abraham Lincoln has been dead for two
...well Token doesn't know that.
Yes he does!
Token actually pays attention in school!
Unlike you, fatass!
You guys, we're gonna lose our client.
Yes, yes, I think that's a good idea,
guys. Let's give Michael Jordan a call
about that. Ah, now, where were we?
We were at why I should give you ten
Look, Token, here's the bottom line.
You're gonna start having a lot of offers
comin' at you from all directions. A
media storm is about to hit you and
you can't handle it on your own. Nobody
Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Hootie...
They all have agents. You need somebody
to manage it all for you.
This thing in Denver is is just the
crust, Token. With our support, you
can have the whole pie.
Well, I guess that makes sense. All
Uh if... we could just get you to sign
Welcome to the team, Token.
Ah Kenny, Token just signed with us!
From now on, we are an entertainment
team, Token. You just do all the singing,
all the performing and all the entertaining,and
leave the rest to us.
[Denver Convention Center, night. The Miss Colorado Pageant is
And there are your finalists, the sixteen
most beautiful women in Colorado. Here
to sing for our sixteen lucky finalists,
the winner of the Colorado Child Star
Contest, Token Black.
You'll never find...
As long as you live...
Someone who loves you...
Tender like I do...
Wow, he's really great. We should get
him to sing at Tommy's bar mitzvah
Oh, you're interested in hiring our
We represent Token. Give us a call,
we'll work out a deal.
Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
But I'm the one who loves you
And there's no one else! No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else.
Just between us girls, nothin' gets
my vadge wetter than a black man singing.
Mr. Garrison, for the love of God.
... (you're gonna miss my lovin')
I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove.
[Denver Convention Center, after the show, outside. The boys
walk out with Token, who's counting the cash he earned.]
You were awesome, Token!
We knew you could do it!
Two hundred dollars, Token, that's great!
And ten percent of two hundred is...
Here you go.
This is just the beginning. I bet we
start to see all kinds of offers comin'
in for Token now.
Hey there my man, that was a great
Don Heisman, Creative Arts Agency in
Los Angeles. I think you've got real
promise. How'd you like to sign with
Are you serious??
Uh excuse me, Token already has representation.
You may have heard of Super Awesome
Mm, no. Uh, look, Token, there's some
shows in LA we wanna book you on right
away. If you come out to my limo we
can talk everything through.
Oh my God! Okay!
Token, you signed with us!
Oh, come on, guys. You have to see what
a huge opportunity this is for me.
What?! Uh they're not so great! They
probably don't have a fountain in their
Actually, our fountain is two stories
Come on, Token, we have a lot to talk
Mister, you can't do this to us!
Sorry kids, nature of the business,
you know? Do you like steak, Token?
I know a great place for you locally.
[Super Awesome Talent Agency, day. The boys sit around a table
trying to come up with other ways of attracting potential clients.
Kenny relaxes on the sofa]
So unfair... so unfair.
All that time and effort we spent helping
Token and this is the thanks we get?!
This just goes to show that hard work
doesn't pay off! I'm gonna be a homeless
addict from now on!
Ahh hello, is this the Talent Agency
I see this sign on the street for a
talent agency? I need a representation.
Hey, wowee, nice fountain.
You were looking for a talent agent?
No, not me, my wife. This is Wing.
She just come over from China. She
over here uh irregarry. The Chinese
Mafia help me out.
And what does she do?
Ah, she sing. She very popular in China.
Hey, you just sit and listen. You'll
be very impressed. Well? What you think?
Uh, we're sorry dude, but getting her
career off the ground would take too
much work for us.
Aww, that's too bad. She just got accepted
to be on American Idol in Ros Angeres,
but I can't take her 'cause I have to
mind the restaurant.
You've ...already done all the work?
Yes. They say it pays a thousand dowrar.
Sir, we would love to sign your wife.
We'll go to LA with your wife. All she
has to do is go on the show, do all
the performing, make all the money,
and leave the rest to us.
[City Wok, night. The phone rings.]
Shitty Wok, take your order prease.
[City Wok, night. The phone rings.]
Hi, Mr. Lu Kim? Uh hi, it's Wing's agents.
Everything's fine, yeah, but we're supposed
to arrive in Los Angeles in about four
hours. Listen, does your wife ever eat?
Oh, don't worry about her. She a very
dericate little flower. See, she don't
need to eat much.
Uhh, all right. We'll call you after
she goes on TV.
Okay, bye. Oh oh wait! Can I talk to
my wife, please?
Uh sure, here she is. Okay, finarry
everything rookin' up for me and my
family. Welcome to Shitty Wok, take
your order prease? Aw crap, Chinese
Mr. Ru Kim, it appears we have a problem.
Oh, a problem? Rearry?
We smuggled your wife into the United
States for you. You were to pay us ten
thousand dollars for that service. Yet,
we have yet to be paid.
We... we working on it! She, she got
tarent agent! She's about to make a
whole lotta money!
It's too late for that, Mr. Kim. Your
wife is now our property. We're taking
her to Los Angeles, where she will work
in massage parlor.until she works off
No, she... she not here! Prease, just
give me a little more time! Agh!
Where is she?!
She... she in Arabama.
You're lying. Turn him around!
Yah, wah, aaaah!
You don't wanna tell us where she is?
All right. Puh la! Ching ga wai pan!
Ahhh! My shitty chicken! Nooo, the
shitty beef! No! No wait! Prease! Stop!
Prease! Not the shitty shrimp.
Tell us where to find her, Ru Kim! You
have no choice.
She... she go to Ros Angeres with her
agents! She gonna be on American Idol.
[Hollywood, day. A view of the Hollywood sign from a location
above a main thoroughfare]
[A major studio. The boys walk among the various studios - Studio
21, Studio 22, Studio 23...]
There it is! American Idol constestants!
Jesus, we made it just in time!
Hey kid, what do you think you're doing?
Ah our client has an audition to this
Yeah. So do we!
Dude, how long is the wait?
It's been about seventeen days for me.
Oh no, nonono, come on! Excuse me,
Wait in line with everyone else.
No, I don't think you understand. We're
here with Wing. That's right, the Wing.
Ma'am, we are a very important talent
agency. If your producers knew you were
forcing people of our stature to the
back of the line, well-
Brrr brrr! Brrr brrr! Oh, excuse me,
everyone. That's my cell phone. Hello?
Oh yes, hi, Colonel Sanders! Yes, I'm
doing great, but you know, heh, someone
at American Idol doesn't know who Wing
Aw, just forget it!
Eh eh, you're right, Colonel Sanders!
You shouldn't give her any more chicken.
We can't wait in line! We have to be
in school on Monday!
What do you mean your client isn't coming?!
We're taping the show tomorrow! Where
am I goin' to find another contestant?
Fine! Go screw yourself!
Ahh-d, excuse me, sir, did I hear you
say you needed somebody for your show?
We have someone who's ready to go on
TV right away!
Is there a cash prize involved in your
show as well?
Well yeah, winner gets a thousand dollars.
All right, our client will do it!
Great! You kids just saved my ass! See
you over at Stage 6.
Hey, is your show as good as America
Naw, this is better. It's called The
What's "The Contender"?
[The Contender commercial]
Tonight, two people will compete for
glory. One will stay, one will go home,
in the new hit show by Sylvester Stallone.
[The Contender taping]
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The
Contender! Fighting out of the red corner,
wearing blue and white trunks, the Destructor
from Del Fuego, Mexico, Manuelo Furrrrnanda!
Le's go! Le's see a good fight!
And fighting out of the blue corner,
wearing a gorgeous floral-pattern silk
Come on, Wing!
Let's do it Wing!
Brint it on Wing!
Oh my God, dude!
She's got a hell of a chin on her, I'll
give her that.
[Stage 6, day. The boys stand outside the stage with cups in
Anyone? Help four boys and a Chinese
woman get back to Colorado?
Your gift of hope is a great deduction.
Mr. Stallone says he's sorry it couldn't
go better for you back there.
Mr. Stallone thinks your singer has
a lot of talent. He really likes her
voice. You know, the way she vocalizes
the melody, it brings tears to his
Thanks, Mr. Stallone. We're just sorry
she wasn't a better boxer.
Uh, Mr. Stallone wants Wing to sing
at his son's wedding.
He'll pay her four thousand dollars.
Four thousand dollars??
Be at this address tomorrow 2 p.m.
sharp. And don't be late.
You guys, you guys!
Sylverster Stallone wants Wing to sing
at his son's wedding tomorrow! He's
gonna pay her four thousand dollars!
That's four hundred for us! We did it!
Who let the dogs out?
Who? Who? Who who?
Who let the dogs out?
Who? Who? Who who?
Whoa whoa, wait, wait. ...where's Wing?
What do you mean? We thought she was
Naw, sh-she was with you!
...Oh Jesus Christ. If that big CAA
talent agency finds out she has work,
they're gonna try to steal her away
from us again.
Wing? Here, Wing!
You thought you could run from us, did
Oh no! Hey! That's our client!
They did it to us again! That dirty
talent agency stole our client again!
Not this time! They dropped their card.
Now we know where CAA Talent Agency
is! We're gonna march in there, and
get our client back.
[A crisp clear night under a bright moon. The camera pans down
and rests on a hilltop mansion]
You see, Mrs. Kim, when you made a
deal with us, you signed your life away.
Yes, we help Chinese citizens sneak
into the U.S., but when they get here,
they become our slaves. It's an age-old
business, and nobody has the guts to
Two four nine all right, this is the
Damn, CAA is pretty impressive.
Of course it's impressive! They steal
everyone else's clients!
"It's just four little boys"
Yeah, whatever. You can suck our balls.
[The mansion, inside. The boys walk through a long, lavish hallway]
Hello? We want to talk to somebody right
Oh my God, you guys. Look! They do
have an amazing fountain.
You assholes stole our client! How about
some Goddamn business ethics?!
You tell 'em, Kyle!
You think you own the entertainment
business, but you don't! Give us back
Wing, RIGHT NOW!
Jesus, they really want Wing as their
What the hell is that?! Go! Go!
Dude, maybe we should give up!
No! Screw that, dude! If we keep letting
CAA take all our clients, we're never
gonna make it as talent agents!
Yeah, if these talent agents wanna play
rouch, we can play rought too!
Do you wanna play rough?! Okay! Take
We've gotta split up and find Wing!
You and Kenny go that way!
[Two guards fire away. Kyle and Kenny duck and cover themselves,
and two guards coming up behind them are killed. Cartman and
Stan go down a hallway, with Cartman firing at everything in
sight. Two guards follow them and fire away. Kyle finds shelter
behind a red sofa tattered from the gunfire, but Kenny isn't
Stupid talent agents!
[Kyle looks up from behind the sofa and throws the car towards
the gunmen. One of them slips on it and flies out a window, the
other slips on it and falls back onto the mansion's fuse box.
He gets electrocuted]
All right, Kenny, let's go! Kenny?
Kenny! Don't worry, Kenny. You didn't
die for nothing. We're gonna get Wing
back as our client and... and make a
ton of money! I swear it to you!
[Kyle hugs Kenny again. Cartman and Stan enter the room where
Wing is being held. Cartman again opens fire and three guards
fire back. Kyle enters the room with his own gun and fires at
They killed Kenny!
Enough! I have a lot of respect for
you boys finding your way in here. But
you come any closer and I'll blow her
Don't give us that crap! She's no good
to you dead and you know it!
Yeah, you wouldn't kill her, 'cause
then she can't pay you money! We know
because we're in the same business you
This woman has a contract with us! We
She had a contract with us first! We
Her life belongs to us!
Her life belongs to us!
Guys! Guys! Guys! Don't you see what
we're doing? Jesus... we're not talking
about an object here, we're, we're talking
about a person. I mean, look at what
we've all become. All this violence
and anger and, and for what? For control
over somebody's life who... w-we're
all just trying to leech off of.
Wing doesn't belong to us or to you.
We're all just caught up in a business
that treats people like commodities.
Perhaps... you're right. We spend all
this time... mooching off the hopes
and dreams of others, forgetting that
they are human beings.
Yeah. It's not a very satisfying feeling.
I am tired of this business. It is
a very dirty and perverse business.
It's a lousy business. I quit.
Aw aw guys, come on!
We quit too. It's time for us to find
another way to make money. From now
on, all contracts we have on people
are null and void.
[Stallone's mansion, next day. He gets on stage to ...um, mumble]
Mr. Stallone thanks all of you for
coming to his son's wedding. And now
as a special treat, it is his pleasure
to give you the music of... Wing!
Sing, sing a song, make it simple, to
last your whole life long...
Boys, thank you so much for eveything.
You rearry helped us out.
Yes, you were right, kids. Her voice
is so beautiful. To think we would
have made it so nobody would ever hear
I think we all learned it's best to
leave talent to the talented people.
Send a cress in your plates, folks?
Oh... Hey guys. What, what are you
Token, you're... waiting tables?
Yeah. Well, it turns out an agency doesn't
really do anything for you. I'm trying
to work my way back home.
Aw man, that's too bad, Token. Hey,
could you bring us some more bread,
huh? Oh and some more olive oil. Chop
My God, her voice is sooo beautiful!
Yeah, she's a very dericate rittle flower.
Sing, sing a song.