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ALL SCRIPTS





                                     "SOUTH PARK"


                                     Episode 903


                                        "WING"


                                      Written by 


                                     Trey Parker





               [South Park Elementary, day. Class is in session. The kids are 
               chattering when Mrs. Garrison gets their attention]
 
                                     MRS. GARRISON
                         Children, children, we have a very special 
                         announcement.  Your classmate, Token, 
                         has just returned from winning the Colorado 
                         Child Star Contest with his incredible 
                         singing! Well let's give him a hand! 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         Token sings?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Of course he sings. He's black.

                                     MRS. GARRISON
                         Token is going to sing in front of a 
                         huge audience at the Miss Colorado Pageant 
                         in Denver. And for doing it he's gonna 
                         be paid two hundred dollars.
 
                                     CLASS
                         Whoa!

                                     STAN
                         Two hundred dollars.

                                     MRS. GARRISON
                         Now of course, as a woman, I'm a bit 
                         against those chauvinistic pageants, 
                         but I hope that you children take a 
                         moment today to congratulate Token for 
                         being so special.
 
               [South Park Elementary, lunchtime. Stan and friends sit at a 
               table just outside the school kitchen. They're deep in thought]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Wow, two hundred dollars. Can you imagine?
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         How come we never get opportunities 
                         like that?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         You wanna know what it is, guys?

                                     KYLE
                         We're not talented?

                                     CARTMAN
                         That's right. We're not talented. See, 
                         we're not the artistic side, we're the 
                         thinking side.
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah. We're too smart to be talented.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                          Wait, you guys! I just had an amazing 
                         idea. Token is going right to the top, 
                         right. I mean, he's gonna be a huge 
                         star.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Probably.

                                     CARTMAN
                         So, why shouldn't we get some of that 
                         money? We can be Token's agents. That 
                         way, we get ten percent of whatever 
                         he makes!
 
                                     STAN
                         Hey yeah! We deserve that money just 
                         as much as he does.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         We just need a really kickass office 
                         and some nice suits. A and a fountain 
                         in our lobby. All top agencies have 
                         fountains in their lobbies. We gotta 
                         make Token think he needs us, when actually 
                         he doesn't need us at all. 
 
                                     [MONTAGE
                         Cartman tries out his suit in front 
                         of a full-length mirror in his room. 
                         Stan and Kyle try out suits in Kyle's 
                         room. Next, the boys are in a department 
                         store purchasing cell phones at Bull's 
                         Eye. Next, Stan and Kyle carry an executive 
                         desk into the new office. Next, Cartman 
                         and Kenny steal a fountain from somebody's 
                         backyard. Next, flyers for the new agency, 
                         Super Awesome Talent Agency, are printed 
                         out. Next, the boys are at a copy center 
                         to get some business cards. Next, Cartman 
                         and Kyle set up signs around town. Next, 
                         the finished office is shown... in Cartman's 
                         basement. The four boys congratulate 
                         each other for a job well donw.]
 
               [South Park, day. Token walks by one of the signs the boys drew 
               up. He notices it and stops to read it. The boys hide around 
               the corner. Stan peaks around the corner.]
 
                                     STAN
                         He's looking at the sign.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Perfect! All right, you guys get back 
                         to the office, I'll bring Token there.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         All right.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Wait a minute! You guys, this is very 
                         important: when I bring Token back to 
                         the office, have Kenny hide in another 
                         room, and call the phone on my desk.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Why?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Because I'll answer and pretend I'm 
                         talking to somebody super famous and 
                         important. When Token sees that, maybe 
                         he'll think we're legit.
 
                                     STAN
                         It's genius.

                                     CARTMAN
                          Okay, go go, here he comes.  Yeah? 
                         Well then tell him we're just not interested. 
                          Oh hey, Token! Buddy, my man, what 
                         is up?!
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Nothin'

                                     CARTMAN
                          Hey, you know, I heard you were doing 
                         some thing down in Denver tomorrow night.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         Yeah.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah I don't know if I ever told you 
                         this before, but I'm actually an agent 
                         over at the Super Awesome Talent Agency. 
                         You may have seen our ads around town. 
                         Anyway, why don't you come down to the 
                         office, Token? Maybe I can convince 
                         the company to represent you.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         I'm supposed to be home by 3:30.

                                     CARTMAN
                         This will only take a second.

               [Cartman's basement - er, Super Awesome Talent Agency. Cartman 
               takes Token down the stairs and onto the agency floor]
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Welcome to our offices, Token. As you 
                         can see, we are quite a successful company. 
                         Did you notice the fountain? Pretty 
                         nice, hm?  Come on over this way, Token. 
                          Guys, you remember Token. He's thinking 
                         about becoming a client.
 
                                     STAN
                          Oohhhh Token. Right, yeah, you're makin' 
                         a smart move, man.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Now, Token, I I know what you're saying 
                         to yourself: You're saying, "Hey, why 
                         do I need an agency? Why should I give 
                         them ten percent?" Right?
 
                                     TOKEN
                          ...Yeah?

                                     CARTMAN
                          Token, the truth is that without representation, 
                         you in danger of being taken advantage 
                         of.  Uh uh, excuse me just a second, 
                         Token.  Super Awesome Talent Agency. 
                         Oh yes, hello! How are you, Abraham 
                         Lincoln?  Yeahh, yeah, no, I'm happy 
                         you called, Abraham Lincoln. I'm just 
                         sort of in the middle of something right 
                         now.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Can I talk to you?! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         I'll I'll call you back, Abe. 

                                     KYLE
                         What the hell are you doing?!

                                     CARTMAN
                         I'm making it look like important people 
                         call us.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Abraham Lincoln has been dead for two 
                         hundred years!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          ...well Token doesn't know that.

                                     KYLE
                         Yes he does!

                                     CARTMAN
                         How?!

                                     KYLE
                         Token actually pays attention in school! 
                         Unlike you, fatass!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Jew! 

                                     STAN
                         You guys, we're gonna lose our client. 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yes, yes, I think that's a good idea, 
                         guys. Let's give Michael Jordan a call 
                         about that.  Ah, now, where were we?
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         We were at why I should give you ten 
                         percent.
 
                                     STAN
                         Look, Token, here's the bottom line. 
                         You're gonna start having a lot of offers 
                         comin' at you from all directions. A 
                         media storm is about to hit you and 
                         you can't handle it on your own. Nobody 
                         can.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Eminem, Justin Timberlake, Hootie... 
                         They all have agents. You need somebody 
                         to manage it all for you.
 
                                     STAN
                         This thing in Denver is is just the 
                         crust, Token. With our support, you 
                         can have the whole pie.
 
                                     TOKEN
                          Well, I guess that makes sense. All 
                         right. 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Uh if... we could just get you to sign 
                         right here? 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Welcome to the team, Token.

                                     STAN
                         Ah Kenny, Token just signed with us!
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (Hey, terrific!)

                                     CARTMAN
                         From now on, we are an entertainment 
                         team, Token. You just do all the singing, 
                         all the performing and all the entertaining,and 
                         leave the rest to us.
 
               [Denver Convention Center, night. The Miss Colorado Pageant is 
               underway]
 
                                     MC
                         And there are your finalists, the sixteen 
                         most beautiful women in Colorado. Here 
                         to sing for our sixteen lucky finalists, 
                         the winner of the Colorado Child Star 
                         Contest, Token Black. 
 
                                     TOKEN
                         You'll never find...

               As long as you live...

               Someone who loves you...

               Tender like I do...

                                     MAN
                          Wow, he's really great. We should get 
                         him to sing at Tommy's bar mitzvah 
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Oh, you're interested in hiring our 
                         client?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         We represent Token.  Give us a call, 
                         we'll work out a deal.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Whoa, I'm not braggin' on myself, baby
 
                         
               But I'm the one who loves you

               And there's no one else! No-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh one else.

                                     MRS. GARRISON
                         Just between us girls, nothin' gets 
                         my vadge wetter than a black man singing.
 
                         
                                     PRINCIPAL VICTORIA
                          Mr. Garrison, for the love of God.
 
                         
                                     TOKEN
                         ... (you're gonna miss my lovin')

               I know you're gonna my lovin' (you're gonna miss my lovin')
 
               
               You're gonna miss, you're gonna miss my lo-o-ove.

               [Denver Convention Center, after the show, outside. The boys 
               walk out with Token, who's counting the cash he earned.]
 
                                     STAN
                         You were awesome, Token!

                                     KYLE
                         We knew you could do it!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Two hundred dollars, Token, that's great! 
                         And ten percent of two hundred is...
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Twenty dollars.

                                     TOKEN
                         Here you go. 

                                     KENNY
                         (All right!)

                                     CARTMAN
                         Sweet!

                                     STAN
                         This is just the beginning. I bet we 
                         start to see all kinds of offers comin' 
                         in for Token now.
 
                                     AGENT
                          Hey there my man, that was a great 
                         performance.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Thanks.

                                     AGENT
                         Don Heisman, Creative Arts Agency in 
                         Los Angeles. I think you've got real 
                         promise. How'd you like to sign with 
                         CAA?
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Are you serious??

                                     STAN
                          Uh excuse me, Token already has representation.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         You may have heard of Super Awesome 
                         Talent Agency.
 
                                     DON
                         Mm, no. Uh, look, Token, there's some 
                         shows in LA we wanna book you on right 
                         away. If you come out to my limo we 
                         can talk everything through.
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Oh my God! Okay!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Token, you signed with us!

                                     TOKEN
                         Oh, come on, guys. You have to see what 
                         a huge opportunity this is for me.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         What?! Uh they're not so great! They 
                         probably don't have a fountain in their 
                         lobby!
 
                                     DON
                         Actually, our fountain is two stories 
                         tall.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         ...Oooo...

                                     DON
                         Come on, Token, we have a lot to talk 
                         about.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Mister, you can't do this to us!

                                     DON
                         Sorry kids, nature of the business, 
                         you know?  Do you like steak, Token? 
                         I know a great place for you locally. 
                         
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         ...Goddamnit! 

               [Super Awesome Talent Agency, day. The boys sit around a table 
               trying to come up with other ways of attracting potential clients. 
               Kenny relaxes on the sofa]
 
                                     STAN
                         So unfair... so unfair.

                                     KYLE
                         All that time and effort we spent helping 
                         Token and this is the thanks we get?!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         This just goes to show that hard work 
                         doesn't pay off! I'm gonna be a homeless 
                         addict from now on! 
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         Ahh hello, is this the Talent Agency
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Huh?

                                     MR. KIM
                         I see this sign on the street for a 
                         talent agency? I need a representation. 
                          Hey, wowee, nice fountain.
 
                                     STAN
                         You were looking for a talent agent?
 
                         
                                     MR. KIM
                         No, not me, my wife.  This is Wing. 
                         She just come over from China.  She 
                         over here uh irregarry. The Chinese 
                         Mafia help me out.
 
                                     STAN
                         And what does she do?

                                     MR. KIM
                         Ah, she sing. She very popular in China. 
                         Hey, you just sit and listen. You'll 
                         be very impressed.  Well? What you think?
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Uh, we're sorry dude, but getting her 
                         career off the ground would take too 
                         much work for us.
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         Aww, that's too bad. She just got accepted 
                         to be on American Idol in Ros Angeres, 
                         but I can't take her 'cause I have to 
                         mind the restaurant. 
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         You've ...already done all the work?
 
                         
                                     MR. KIM
                         Yes. They say it pays a thousand dowrar.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Sir, we would love to sign your wife.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Yeah!

                                     MR. KIM
                         Rearry?

                                     CARTMAN
                         We'll go to LA with your wife. All she 
                         has to do is go on the show, do all 
                         the performing, make all the money, 
                         and leave the rest to us. 
 
               [City Wok, night. The phone rings.]

                                     MR. KIM
                         Shitty Wok, take your order prease.
 
                         
               [City Wok, night. The phone rings.]

                                     STAN
                         Hi, Mr. Lu Kim? Uh hi, it's Wing's agents. 
                         Everything's fine, yeah, but we're supposed 
                         to arrive in Los Angeles in about four 
                         hours. Listen, does your wife ever eat? 
                         Or anything?
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         Oh, don't worry about her. She a very 
                         dericate little flower. See, she don't 
                         need to eat much.
 
                                     STAN
                         Uhh, all right. We'll call you after 
                         she goes on TV.
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         Okay, bye. Oh oh wait! Can I talk to 
                         my wife, please?
 
                                     STAN
                         Uh sure, here she is.  Okay, finarry 
                         everything rookin' up for me and my 
                         family.  Welcome to Shitty Wok, take 
                         your order prease?  Aw crap, Chinese 
                         Mafia!  Aaaaahh! 
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         Mr. Ru Kim, it appears we have a problem.
 
                         
                                     MR. KIM
                         Oh, a problem? Rearry?

                                     TONG LEADER
                         We smuggled your wife into the United 
                         States for you. You were to pay us ten 
                         thousand dollars for that service. Yet, 
                         we have yet to be paid.
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         We... we working on it! She, she got 
                         tarent agent! She's about to make a 
                         whole lotta money!
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         It's too late for that, Mr. Kim. Your 
                         wife is now our property. We're taking 
                         her to Los Angeles, where she will work 
                         in massage parlor.until she works off 
                         the debt.
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         No, she... she not here! Prease, just 
                         give me a little more time!  Agh!
 
                         
                                     TONG LEADER
                         Where is she?!

                                     MR. KIM
                         She... she in Arabama.

                                     TONG LEADER
                         You're lying. Turn him around!

                                     MR. KIM
                         Yah, wah, aaaah!

                                     TONG LEADER
                         You don't wanna tell us where she is? 
                         All right. Puh la! Ching ga wai pan! 
                         
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         Ahhh! My shitty chicken!  Nooo, the 
                         shitty beef!  No! No wait! Prease! Stop! 
                         Prease! Not the shitty shrimp.
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         Tell us where to find her, Ru Kim! You 
                         have no choice.
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         She... she go to Ros Angeres with her 
                         agents! She gonna be on American Idol. 
                         
 
               [Hollywood, day. A view of the Hollywood sign from a location 
               above a main thoroughfare]
 
               [A major studio. The boys walk among the various studios - Studio 
               21, Studio 22, Studio 23...]
 
                                     STAN
                         There it is! American Idol constestants!
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Jesus, we made it just in time! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Excuse us!

                                     CONTESTANT
                         Hey kid, what do you think you're doing? 
                         
 
                                     STAN
                         Ah our client has an audition to this 
                         show.
 
                                     CONTESTANT
                         Yeah. So do we! 

                                     KYLE
                         Oh crap!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Dude, how long is the wait?

                                     CONTESTANT 2
                         It's been about seventeen days for me.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         Oh no, nonono, come on!  Excuse me, 
                         ma'am.
 
                                     ATTENDANT
                         Wait in line with everyone else. 

                                     STAN
                         No, I don't think you understand. We're 
                         here with Wing. That's right, the Wing. 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Ma'am, we are a very important talent 
                         agency. If your producers knew you were 
                         forcing people of our stature to the 
                         back of the line, well-
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Brrr brrr! Brrr brrr! Oh, excuse me, 
                         everyone. That's my cell phone.  Hello? 
                         Oh yes, hi, Colonel Sanders! Yes, I'm 
                         doing great, but you know, heh, someone 
                         at American Idol doesn't know who Wing 
                         is.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Aw, just forget it! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Eh eh, you're right, Colonel Sanders! 
                         You shouldn't give her any more chicken.
 
                         
                                     KYLE
                         Goddamnit! Goddamnit!

                                     STAN
                         We can't wait in line! We have to be 
                         in school on Monday!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Stupid assholes! 

                                     AGENT
                         What do you mean your client isn't coming?! 
                         We're taping the show tomorrow! Where 
                         am I goin' to find another contestant? 
                         Fine! Go screw yourself!
 
                                     KYLE
                         Ahh-d, excuse me, sir, did I hear you 
                         say you needed somebody for your show?
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         We have someone who's ready to go on 
                         TV right away!
 
                                     AGENT
                         Really?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Is there a cash prize involved in your 
                         show as well?
 
                                     AGENT
                         Well yeah, winner gets a thousand dollars.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         All right, our client will do it!

                                     AGENT
                         Great! You kids just saved my ass! See 
                         you over at Stage 6. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Hey, is your show as good as America 
                         Idol?
 
                                     AGENT
                         Naw, this is better. It's called The 
                         Contender. 
 
                                     STAN
                         What's "The Contender"?

               [The Contender commercial]

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         Tonight, two people will compete for 
                         glory. One will stay, one will go home, 
                         in the new hit show by Sylvester Stallone.
 
                         
                                     STALLONE
                         Hello.

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         The Contender!

               [The Contender taping]

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to The 
                         Contender! Fighting out of the red corner, 
                         wearing blue and white trunks, the Destructor 
                         from Del Fuego, Mexico, Manuelo Furrrrnanda! 
                         
 
                                     STALLONE
                          Le's go! Le's see a good fight!

                                     ANNOUNCER
                         And fighting out of the blue corner, 
                         wearing a gorgeous floral-pattern silk 
                         dress, Wing!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Come on, Wing!

                                     KYLE
                         Let's do it Wing!

                                     STAN
                         Brint it on Wing! 

                                     STALLONE
                         Aw yeah! 

                                     THE BOYS
                         Awww! 

                                     KYLE
                         Oh my God, dude!

                                     CARTMAN
                         She's got a hell of a chin on her, I'll 
                         give her that. 
 
                                     THE BOYS
                          Awww! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Gay.

               [Stage 6, day. The boys stand outside the stage with cups in 
               their hands]
 
                                     STAN
                         Anyone? Help four boys and a Chinese 
                         woman get back to Colorado?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Your gift of hope is a great deduction. 
                         
 
                                     STALLONE
                         Hey kid! 

                                     PRODUCER
                         Mr. Stallone says he's sorry it couldn't 
                         go better for you back there.
 
                                     STAN
                         Oh, thanks.

                                     STALLONE
                         Yo kid. 

                                     PRODUCER
                         Mr. Stallone thinks your singer has 
                         a lot of talent.  He really likes her 
                         voice.  You know, the way she vocalizes 
                         the melody,  it brings tears to his 
                         eyes.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Thanks, Mr. Stallone. We're just sorry 
                         she wasn't a better boxer. 
 
                                     PRODUCER
                         Uh, Mr. Stallone wants Wing to sing 
                         at his son's wedding.
 
                                     STAN
                         You do?? 

                                     PRODUCER
                         He'll pay her four thousand dollars.
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Four thousand dollars?? 

                                     PRODUCER
                          Be at this address tomorrow 2 p.m. 
                         sharp. And don't be late.
 
                                     STAN
                         We won't! 

                                     STAN, CARTMAN
                         Waaaaah! 

                                     STAN
                         You guys, you guys!

                                     KYLE
                         What?

                                     STAN
                         Sylverster Stallone wants Wing to sing 
                         at his son's wedding tomorrow! He's 
                         gonna pay her four thousand dollars!
 
                         
                                     KENNY
                         (What?!)

                                     KYLE
                         Get out!

                                     CARTMAN
                         That's four hundred for us! We did it! 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         Woohoo! Yeah!

                                     STAN
                         Yeah!

                                     CARTMAN
                         Who let the dogs out?

                                     THE BOYS
                          Who? Who? Who who?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Who let the dogs out?

                                     THE BOYS
                         Who? Who? Who who?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Who let-?

                                     STAN
                         Whoa whoa, wait, wait. ...where's Wing? 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                         What do you mean? We thought she was 
                         with you.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Naw, sh-she was with you!

                                     STAN
                         ...Oh Jesus Christ. If that big CAA 
                         talent agency finds out she has work, 
                         they're gonna try to steal her away 
                         from us again.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                          Wing? Wing??

                                     KYLE
                         Wing?

                                     CARTMAN
                         Wing? Here, Wing!

                                     KYLE
                         Wing?

                                     KENNY
                         (Wing?) 

                                     TONG LEADER
                         You thought you could run from us, did 
                         you? 
 
                                     STAN
                         Oh no!  Hey! That's our client! 

                                     KYLE
                         They did it to us again! That dirty 
                         talent agency stole our client again!
 
                         
                                     CARTMAN
                         Not this time! They dropped their card. 
                         Now we know where CAA Talent Agency 
                         is! We're gonna march in there, and 
                         get our client back.
 
               [A crisp clear night under a bright moon. The camera pans down 
               and rests on a hilltop mansion]
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                          You see, Mrs. Kim, when you made a 
                         deal with us, you signed your life away. 
                         Yes, we help Chinese citizens sneak 
                         into the U.S., but when they get here, 
                         they become our slaves. It's an age-old 
                         business, and nobody has the guts to 
                         stop us. 
 
                                     STAN
                          Two four nine all right, this is the 
                         place.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Damn, CAA is pretty impressive.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Of course it's impressive! They steal 
                         everyone else's clients!
 
                                     GUARD 1
                          "It's just four little boys" 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, whatever. You can suck our balls.
 
                         
               [The mansion, inside. The boys walk through a long, lavish hallway]
 
               
                                     STAN
                         Hello? We want to talk to somebody right 
                         now!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Oh my God, you guys. Look!  They do 
                         have an amazing fountain. 
 
                                     KYLE
                         You assholes stole our client! How about 
                         some Goddamn business ethics?!
 
                                     STAN
                         You tell 'em, Kyle!

                                     KYLE
                         You think you own the entertainment 
                         business, but you don't! Give us back 
                         Wing, RIGHT NOW! 
 
                                     STAN
                         Jesus, they really want Wing as their 
                         client!
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                          What the hell is that?! Go! Go! 

                                     KYLE
                         Dude, maybe we should give up!

                                     STAN
                         No! Screw that, dude! If we keep letting 
                         CAA take all our clients, we're never 
                         gonna make it as talent agents!
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Yeah, if these talent agents wanna play 
                         rouch, we can play rought too! 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Cartman! 

                                     CARTMAN
                         Do you wanna play rough?! Okay!  Take 
                         this! 
 
                                     STAN
                         We've gotta split up and find Wing! 
                         You and Kenny go that way! 
 
                                     KYLE
                         Wing??

               [Two guards fire away. Kyle and Kenny duck and cover themselves, 
               and two guards coming up behind them are killed. Cartman and 
               Stan go down a hallway, with Cartman firing at everything in 
               sight. Two guards follow them and fire away. Kyle finds shelter 
               behind a red sofa tattered from the gunfire, but Kenny isn't 
               with him]
 
                                     KYLE
                          Stupid talent agents!

               [Kyle looks up from behind the sofa and throws the car towards 
               the gunmen. One of them slips on it and flies out a window, the 
               other slips on it and falls back onto the mansion's fuse box. 
               He gets electrocuted]
 
                                     KYLE
                          All right, Kenny, let's go!  Kenny? 
                          Kenny!  Don't worry, Kenny. You didn't 
                         die for nothing.  We're gonna get Wing 
                         back as our client and... and make a 
                         ton of money! I swear it to you!
 
               [Kyle hugs Kenny again. Cartman and Stan enter the room where 
               Wing is being held. Cartman again opens fire and three guards 
               fire back. Kyle enters the room with his own gun and fires at 
               the guards]
 
                                     KYLE
                         They killed Kenny!

                                     STAN
                         You bastards!

                                     TONG LEADER
                         Enough!  I have a lot of respect for 
                         you boys finding your way in here. But 
                         you come any closer and I'll blow her 
                         brains out.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Don't give us that crap! She's no good 
                         to you dead and you know it!
 
                                     STAN
                         Yeah, you wouldn't kill her, 'cause 
                         then she can't pay you money! We know 
                         because we're in the same business you 
                         are!
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         This woman has a contract with us! We 
                         own her!
 
                                     KYLE
                         She had a contract with us first! We 
                         own her!
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         Her life belongs to us!

                                     KYLE
                         Her life belongs to us!

                                     STAN
                          Guys! Guys! Guys! Don't you see what 
                         we're doing? Jesus... we're not talking 
                         about an object here, we're, we're talking 
                         about a person. I mean, look at what 
                         we've all become. All this violence 
                         and anger and, and for what? For control 
                         over somebody's life who... w-we're 
                         all just trying to leech off of.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah.

                                     STAN
                         Wing doesn't belong to us or to you. 
                         We're all just caught up in a business 
                         that treats people like commodities.
 
                         
                                     TONG LEADER
                          Perhaps... you're right. We spend all 
                         this time... mooching off the hopes 
                         and dreams of others, forgetting that 
                         they are human beings.
 
                                     KYLE
                         Yeah. It's not a very satisfying feeling.
 
                         
                                     TONG LEADER
                          I am tired of this business. It is 
                         a very dirty and perverse business.
 
                         
                                     STAN
                         It's a lousy business. I quit.

                                     KYLE
                         Me too.

                                     CARTMAN
                         Aw aw guys, come on!

                                     TONG LEADER
                         We quit too.  It's time for us to find 
                         another way to make money. From now 
                         on, all contracts we have on people 
                         are null and void.
 
                                     STAN, KYLE
                         All right!

               [Stallone's mansion, next day. He gets on stage to ...um, mumble]
 
               
                                     PRODUCER
                          Mr. Stallone thanks all of you for 
                         coming to his son's wedding. And now 
                         as a special treat, it is his pleasure 
                         to give you the music of... Wing! 
 
                         
                                     WING
                         Sing, sing a song, make it simple, to 
                         last your whole life long...
 
                                     MR. KIM
                          Boys, thank you so much for eveything. 
                         You rearry helped us out.
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         Yes, you were right, kids. Her voice 
                         is so beautiful.  To think we would 
                         have made it so nobody would ever hear 
                         her sing. 
 
                                     STAN
                         I think we all learned it's best to 
                         leave talent to the talented people. 
                         
 
                                     TOKEN
                         Send a cress in your plates, folks? 
                         
 
                                     KYLE
                          Token?

                                     TOKEN
                          Oh... Hey guys.  What, what are you 
                         doin' here?
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Token, you're... waiting tables?

                                     TOKEN
                         Yeah. Well, it turns out an agency doesn't 
                         really do anything for you.  I'm trying 
                         to work my way back home.
 
                                     CARTMAN
                         Aw man, that's too bad, Token. Hey, 
                         could you bring us some more bread, 
                         huh? Oh and some more olive oil. Chop 
                         chop! 
 
                                     TONG LEADER
                         My God, her voice is sooo beautiful! 
                         
 
                                     MR. KIM
                         Yeah, she's a very dericate rittle flower. 
                         
 
                                     WING
                         Sing, sing a song.

               THE END

Wing



Writers :   Trey Parker
Genres :   Animation  Comedy


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