"IT'S CHRISTMAS IN CANADA"
[Kyle's house, night. "Happy Chanukah" The Broflovski family
sings as Gerald lights the first candle on the Chanukah menorah]
Chanukah, Chanukah, sivivon, sov, sov
I gotta go tinkle.
No Ike! Shh!
Sov, sov, sov! Sov, sov, sov! Ma nayim
We thank God for our blessings this
Chanukah. Our little family is so loving,
and perfect, and nothing will ever tear
us apart. I'll get it.
My name is Harry Gints and this is my
wife Elise. We're from Canada.
Yes, I can tell.
My wife and I had a child a few years
back, and, we weren't ready to have
a child, so we put him up for adoption.
We were told that you might be the-
Peter! Oh God, Harry! It's our son!
Peter, it's Mommy.
Gerald, what the hell is going on?
I I'm not sure.
[Moments later, both couples are at the dining room table]
It was a tough time for us. It was a
tough time for all of Canada. The whole
country was devastated by the cola wars.
It just seemed we couldn't take care
of a baby.
So we put him up for adoption. But as
the years passed, I, I just felt an
emptiness in my heart. Oh it's so good
to see him.
Well we wish you all the best, Mr. and
Mrs. Gints, but to be honest, I think
it would be best for Ike if you didn't
come around again.
I don't think you understand. We didn't
come to visit Peter, we came to take
We want to take Peter home, to Canada.
Are you crazy?!
Look, you gave Ike up. You can't just
change your mind.
Changing your mind is a Canadian custom
that we hold quite dear. And besides,
the new Canadian Prime Minister has
issued a decree that all adopted Canadians
must be returned home.
The new Canadian Prime Minister?
Look, Ike is our son now!
He doesn't belong here. He belongs in
Canada with his own kind.
I think you'd better leave.
Please, don't make things any harder
Harder for Peter?! Now you two just
blow in here and say you're gonna haul
him back to Canada, and we're being
hard on Peter?!
We're prepared to go to court! We had
hoped it wouldn't come to that!
Well you bet your ass it'll come to
[Park County courtroom, day]
I'm sorry to say that my hands are tied.
The new Prime Minister of Canada has
authority this court cannot override.
By Canadian law I must award custody
of the child to his birth parents.
Ike's not my little brother anymore?
Gerald, do something!
There's nothing I can do.
[Kyle's house, day. Sheila cries as Gerald sends Ike off]
Good-bye, Ike. You... be a good bye,
huh? You... remember all the things
we taught you.
Ike, you'll always be my little brother,
Come on, Peter, we should get going.
Peter, you must come with Mommy and
No no no no no!
I have some chocolate.
We're going to take good care of him.
You'd better! Dad, can't we talk to
this new Canadian Prime Minister? Iif
he knew the situation, he might e-
Oh! Kyle, appealing to the Prime Minister
of Canada would take... time and money
we don't have.
[Luau's Toys, night. It's dressed for Christmas. Stan, Cartman,
and Kenny look inside the shop through the window]
Dude, look at that. Sprinkle Time Make
Your Own Marshmallow Factory. I'm definitely
asking for that for Christmas.
Dude, I'm gonna tell my parents to get
me that John Elway doll with the karate-chop
Guys. Guys, I need your help.
It's been a week since Ike's been gone,
and every day my parents seem worse.
I have to try to go to Canada and speak
with the new Canadian Prime Minister,
but I can't do it alone.
We can't go to Canada, dumbass! It's
Yeah, dude. What if we miss out on some
great Christmas adventure?
Please, you guys, you don't understand.
My family is devastated. My mom just
walks around the house like a zombie,
and my dad can't stop crying.
Well, I didn't wanna say anything, Kyle,
but I think this is what your family
gets for being Jewish at Christmastime.
I'm just saying, maybe Jesus is having
a little revenge, that's all.
I found the number for a really cheap
airline to Canada. If we go as soon
as possible, then-
Dude, we just can't up and go to Canada.
Look, they're about to light the Christmas
tree. Maybe you can get your brother
back some other way.
Kyle, I just want you to know, if it
were any other time of the year, I still
wouldn't help you.
[South Park City Hall, night. The town Christmas tree is up,
City Hall is decked out in Christmas decorations.]
Three! Two! One! Yaaaaay!
As we celebrate this glorious time,
we can't forget those families who are
suffering. As many of you know, the
Broflovski family has recently had their
child torn away from them. As a community,
we must do all we can to ease their
pain. Are there any suggestions how
we might help?
How about, we get rid of all the Mexicans?
Mr. Garrison, every Christmas you suggest
we get rid of all the Mexicans, and
every Christmas we tell you "NO!"
The Broflovskis need money to appeal
that case to the new Canadian Prime
Minister. What if this Christmas, instead
of buyin' presents, we all use that
money to give to the Broflovskis?
HA! Yeah, right! Like our parents aren't
gonna buy us presents for Christmas!
That's a great idea, Chef.
Yeah. Who needs more stuff, anyway?
This Christmas we can do somethin' that
Dad, don't get carried away.
Then it's settled: This year we'll give
all our Christmas money to the Broflovskis,
in hopes that they may someday have
their child returned to them.
No! No, this can't be happening!
[Kyle walks down the street still depressed. Cartman bounds in
You fucking asshole!! This is all your
Everyone's gonna be charitable and give
money to your family instead of buying
Christmas presents!! You fucking Jews
ruined Christmas again!! AAAAAA!!
Whoa whoa, Cartman.
It wasn't enough for you people to kill
Jesus, now you have to kill Christmas
Cartman, calm down!
Is that true?
It's true, dude. Christmas is ruined.
This is it, Kyle. You and me. We're
throwin' down. Right now.
I'm sorry you guys, but there is something
we can do. We can go to Canada and see
the Prime Minister like I said. If we
can change his mind before Christmas,
then your parents won't have to give
my family money.
You really think if we go to Canada
we might still get Christmas presents?
It's worth a shot. Come on, you guys,
we can do this.
Oh all right, but we'd better not miss
out on great Christmas adventures.
We'll get back in time for a Christmas
Fine. But if it doesn't work, you and
me are gonna have it out, Kyle. Once
and for all.
No business... Christmastime come anda
nobody wanna eata Chinese food. Looks
like I might as well close. Oh boy!
Some business! Finally! Herro? Shitty
Wok, take ur orda prease!
Uh, I must have the wrong number. We
were trying to reach City Airlines.
Oh, oh yes, just a moment prease. Herro,
Shitty Airrines. Can I help you take
ur orda prease?
Uh, we need to go to Canada. As soon
Oooh, Canada. Okay, that's uh pretty
far. Gonna cost ya a rot of money...
hmlet's she. How many people?
Okay. Four people, Canada, cost a rot
of money, that uh gonna be about ah
six thousand five hundred daura.
How about fifty daura?
Fifty daura?! You flighn to Canada cost
at reast three thousand daura!
Hey! Stop wasting my time wa fifty-five
daura! No way I take my plane to Canada
for less than a thousand daura!
Okay. Sixty daura.
Okay. Meet me Park County Airfield,
yellow Cessna, tail number 432G.
Hehehehe, never try to barter with
a Chinese man.
[Park County Airfield, night. A plane comes in for a landing
in the background as the boys approach the yellow Cessna]
We have exactly fifty-two hours before
Christmas. That means we have to be
back in twenty-eight hours to still
give our patents twenty-four hours to
buy us presents. Synchronize watches
on my mark. Mark.
Herro, welcome Shitty Airrine.
Oh no, no no nono, I am NOT flying
in that thing!
('Cause, dude, I'll fuckin' die!)
You're not gonna die, Kenny. Don't be
You guys go get Ike. Kenny and I will
stay here and watch the fort.
No, you're both coming. Do you care
about Christmas or not?
Of course I care about Christmas- Doh,
Christ on a stick!
[Cessna 432G, inside]
Aw dude, it smells like Kung Pao chicken
Okay, welcome aboard Shitty Airrines.
This is your captain speaking. Rooking
about a two hour fright. I'll be turning
on the seatbelt sign now. If your seats
have seatbelts, this is the time you
will fasten them. Please sit back, relax,
and enjoy your Shitty fright.
All right! We're going to Canada!
[Cessna 432G, day. The flight has taken longer than two hours.
The boys are sleeping in their seats - and so is Mr. Kim. The
plane begins to hit turbulence and lose power]
Hey, turn off the right. ...Wha- oh!
What's going on??
Herro from the cockpit, this is your
captain speaking. As you can see, it
appears that we are goin' down. Now
would be a good time to refrect on your
rife, and pray to whatever deity you
bereive in. Thank you for flying Shitty
Airlines. We know you have a choice
in airlines, and it looks like you made
the wrong one.
Hey, where the hell are you going??
Do something, Kyle!
[Now begins the "Wizard of Oz" sequence. The boys look around
in wonder. A pair of legs is seen at a bench, but no head is
You guys, I don't think we're in America
Eh-xcuse me? Uh, is this an invasion?
Oh thank heavens! It's okay. Everyone,
it's not an invasion!
Hey! We're in Canada!
Well of course you are! And Canada Friends
Welcome, friend, to Canada! Canada Friends
We're just like any other country without the big tattoo!
We greet thee with pleasure, but one
question, if we may?
What brings you folks to Canada? Why
are you here today?
Uh. My adopted brother got taken back
here to Canada? So, we want to talk
to the new Canadian Prime Minister about
getting him back?
His brother is our quest. The question
is, is what? You must talk to the new
Prime Minister if you think his brother's
home's back there.
Oh Jesus Christ.
Hey! What the hell is going on?!
It's Scott! AAAAHHHH!
Who damaged our beloved Canadian land?!
That's Scott! He's a dick!
A-ha! Americans! I should've known!
You think you're the police of the world!
You think you own Canada! Well, you
aren't welcome here! Get out now!
Oh no you don't, Scott! Leave these
This isn't over, you American scum!
I swear to God: you'll rue this day!!
MAN IN BARREL
God, what a dick!
Look, we don't have a lot of time here,
okay? Can you just tell us where the
new Prime Minister is?
The new Prime Minister doesn't live
in this part of Canada. He's in Ottawa.
So how do we get to Ottawa?
Oh that's easy. You just have to follow
This is Canada. We only have one road.
Follow the only road.
Follow the only road.
To go anywhere in Canada, you just follow
the only road.
There's only one road in Canada. We call it the Road, the only
Hip-hip, hooray, let's hear it for our Road.
And it's paved and wide and up to code.
All right dude, let's get the hell out
You're off to see the Prime Minister,
the Prime Minister of Canada!
Good-bye, friends! Good luck with the
new Prime Minister! And remember to
watch out for Scott! He's a dick!
Good-bye, good-bye, see ya, good luck.
[The Road, day.]
Twenty hours until Christmas. Our parents
still have time to buy us presents IF
Ahoy there, travelers.
Who are you?
I am Rick, the proud Canadian Mountie.
I thought mounties were supposed to
Yes. Yes, we are. But our funding has
been cut and now we're forced to ride...
But if you don't mind, we're in a rush
to see the new Prime Minister.
You're going to see the new Prime Minister.
Oh, I would so like to meet him myself.
It's his strange new laws that took
our horses away. Perhaps I will go with
That's okay, we'd rather just go by
Follow me this way! We're going to see
the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister
Power-hungry Americans! I'll fix you!
[Further down the Road, Rick and the boys pass through another
Oh Jesus, eighteen hours. We're running
out of time!
All right boys, prepare yourselves.
We're about to enter... French Canada.
There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in
Ze ozer Canada is hardly Canada. If you lived here for a day,
Honh honh honnnh! Welcome to French
We have everyzing your heart could desire.
Trapezes. Trampolines. And lots and
lots of cheese.
Would you like a moustache?
Just stay calm, boys. French Canadians
are a little... odd.
Ah, we're just passing through to see
the new Prime Minister.
Well first you must answer that phone.
We don't have time for this.
You cannot pass through French Canada
unless you take zat phone call! Ring-ring.
Allo. If you are going to see za new
Prime Minister, then I want to go with
you. He has passed a new law forbidding
us French Canadians to drink wine.
How can ze French not drink wine??
Okay, you can come with us.
Honh honnnh! Very good! Let us make
There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in
And ze ozer Canada.
Is a bullshit Canada
If you lived here for a day, you'd understand.
I think you'd understand. ...You understand.
[Newfoundland. The group arrives at a dark place.]
Oh my! This certainly is a desolate
It reminds me of death and fear.
How much further to Ottawa! Christmas
is only twelve hours away.
We must be very close now.
Ey! What are you doing?!
Oh no. It's Scott.
What are you two doing helping these
Americans?! Don't you know America thinks
it owns Canada along with the rest of
You're a dick, Scott!
You're a dick! And by helping Americans,
you're just as smelly as they are! Now
I'm going to get you!
Not a-hire, Scott!
Who the hell are you?!
I'm Steve the Newfoudlander. And you'er
on Newfoundland property now! Get off
before I have you arrested!
Ugh! This isn't over! Not by a long
shot! I'll fix you. I'll fix all of
Woo, that was a close call. Thank you,
God-damnit, we need to get to the new
Prime Minister! NOW!
Oh yeah, the Prime Minister, eh? He
sure has screwed up things for Newfoundland.
Life just hasn't been the same since
he made sodomy illegal.
Well, come with us! Maybe you can ask
him to take his sodomy ban away.
Can we just get going, please?
Yeah, sure, except there's just one
You folks are goin' the wrong way.
What?? But I thought there was one road
Yeah. And you all went the wrong direction
Ohh, that's right. Ottawa is that way.
Of course. Ottawa left, Newfoundland
How could you be so stupid!
There's no way we can go all the way
back. We'll never make it now!
It's okay, boys. The power is inside
us to get to Ottawa! We can wish ourselves
Ah yes, let's wish ourselves there.
Is it working?
Oh, God-damnit! Well I warned you Kyle!
I told you if I missed Christmas we
were gonna throw down! Well it's on!
We're gonna have it our RIGHT NOW!
Of course, we could always take my
Oh yes! On the river we could travel
to Ottawa in no time!
Well come on!
Okay, next stop, the new Prime Minister.
Do you think we can still make it in
We'd better, Kyle. Or you're dead.
[The Parliament building, dawn. Steve and the rest of the party
pull up to the small dock at one end of the grounds]
Here we are at the Parliament buildin'.
Ze Prime Minister is inside.
Well come on, let's hurry! It's almost
[The Parliament building, entrance. Kyle knocks on the heavy
wooden doors. A wooden panel opens up to reveal a window. A doorman
looks out through it]
We need to see the new Prime Minister.
Ha! Impossible! The new Prime Minister
isn't seeing anybody!
Oh well, zo much for zat.
Yeah, we gave it our best, but our best
wasn't good enough, eh?
Please, sir. I traveled a long way to
get here. He's the only person who can
The Prime Minister isn't here. He's
in China on official business. So you
might as well go home. Good-bye!
Then that's it. I'm... I'm never going
to get my brother back.
And... I'm not going to get any Christmas
And... I'm not gonna have a Christmas
(And I'm not gonna have a ...)
Oh please! Please stop crying.
I'm gonna kill you, Kyle.
All right all right, I was lying. The
Prime Minister IS here.
Yes yes. Come in.
[The Parliament building, inside. The group walks down a long
hallway and approach a large sanctum with three fire pits. Two
small ones burn before and on each side of the huge one, which
sits at the center and has a holograph of the Prime Minister
hovering over it]
I am the Prime Minister of Canada. What
do you guys want?
Sir, you recently passed a new law
allowing parents who have given their
children up for adoption to change their
minds. My little brother was-
Not so fast!
Prime Minister, these are the child's
Canadian parents! Their Canadian blood
pumps through his veins! Would you send
him back to America with those world-hungry
Please, sir. I came because I don't
think Ike belongs here. Family isn't
about whose blood you have in you, family
is about the people who cared about
you and took care of you. We're not
the same blood, but I love my little
brother. We've taken care of him because
he needed us to, and that makes us more
family than anything.
That is a great speech, guy. But the
answer is no! All of my new laws will
stay in effect forever!
Haha, you lose, Americans!
Then, I suppose us mounties will never
get our horses.
And we won't get our wine.
And we can't perform sodomy, eh?
But why are you making such strange
I SAID GO!
Oh my God, they've killed Kenny!
You... bastards! Wha, what the hell
is wrong with you?? What kind of Prime
Minister bases his decisions on hatred?
And, and takes away mounties' horses?
And French people's wine? What the
hell kind of Prime Minister are you,
I am the Prime Minister of Canada.
I can do whatever I- Uh oh. Uh, don't
mind that guy hiding in the spider hole,
he's just my friend.
What the hell??
Hey, that looks like Saddam Hussein!
Saddam Hussein?? Naw, relax, baby. I'm
Zat explains everything! Za new Prime
Minister was Saddam Hussein, once again
trying to take over our beloved Canada
like he did before.
He was fooling us?
Ahh, don't shoot. I want to negotiate.
Hey, relax! Gah!
Wait a minute. This means all the Prime
Minister's new laws are null and void.
We can have our horses back!
And we can drink our wine.
And I can sodomize me boys again
Young man, you... must really care
for Peter to have come all this way.
Perhaps we were wrong to try and take
Peter back. He doesn't belong here.
He belongs with his family.
Peter, would you like to go back to
your home in Colorado?
What is that?
It's Christmas. We officially missed
it. It's Christmas Day and ... I'm in
Wull yeah, but ah-I got my brother back.
Yeah! You got your brother back, but
I didn't get any presents! And what
did I tell you, Kyle?! I told you that
if we didn't make it back in time for
Christmas I was gonna whup your ass,
Dude, come on.
Well now you're gonna get it, motherfucker!
That's right! You and me! Right now!
We're havin' it out! Let's go! Come
on! Come on!! Mooooooom! Moooooooom!
Ey, come on, boys! You can spend Christmas
with us, Canada style!
[Ottawa, day. A Christmas parade goes by and the crowds cheer
and throw confetti. Saddam is paraded on his own float, with
huge candy canes around him]
Ding dong, they caught Saddam! Merry
Christmas to the world!
Ding dong, the Americans caught Saddam!
[Santa's sleigh passes by and the boys are hoisted into it]
Now Canada is free for you and you and me
It's the best Christmas presents we ever got
Canadian Christmas, it's the best! We drink and dance and show
Let's celebrate! Saddam Hussein's been caught!
Oh well. Maybe we'll get to have a
Christmas adventure next year.
It's Christmas In Canada
Writers : Trey Parker
Genres : Animation Comedy