"SOUTH PARK"
Episode 218
"PREHISTORIC ICE MAN"
Written by
Trey Parker & Nancy Pimental
[Cartman's house. A television is heard. The screen shows an
Australian crocodile hunter narrating his adventures as a woman
pilots his boat down a river.]
AUSSIE
As we steer our boat down , looking
for these dangerous predators… Boy,
there's a king croc right here. He
must be four meters; 12, 13 feet long
at least. This croc has enough power
in its jaws to rip my head right off.
KENNY
(Oh, no!)
AUSSIE
I've got to be careful. So, what I'm
gonna do is sneak up on it and jam my
thumb in its butthole.
STAN
Holy crap. dude!
AUSSIE
If I get bit out here, I'm 200 kilometers
from the nearest hospital: I'd better
be real careful jamming my thumb in
its butthole. Oh, boy, it's pissed
off now.
KYLE
Go, dude, go!
AUSSIE
I'm gonna jam my thumb it its butthole
now! This should really piss it off!
Oh, yeah, that piossed it off, all
right! I've gotta be careful!
STAN
This guy rules!
KENNY
(He actually killed it!)
CARTMAN
I told you guys.
AUSSIE
Well! That was quite an angry croc!
But I managed to escape with only a
few bruises and a shattered left testicle.
Next week we'll look for more of these
beautiful creatures, so we can learn
more about them by pissing them off
immensely. Thanks for watching.
KYLE
Dude! Let's go look for crocodiles!
STAN
Yeah!
[The woods. Cartman leads the boys up a hill. All are armed with
water guns]
CARTMAN
There's bound to be some crocs up here.
I'll use my croc call and try to bring
'em out. Brigeghus, brigeghus! Brig-!
KYLE
That's not how a croc sounds, you fatass
penis!
CARTMAN
Ogh! Now I'm gonna kick my friend Kyle
in the beanbag and see what happens,
by crikey!
KYLE
Get away from me, Cartman!
CARTMAN
Come 'ere, crocky.
KYLE
AAAAAAAAAA!
STAN
Dude!
KYLE
HELP!
STAN
Good job, Cartman! You killed Kyle!
KENNY
(You bastard!)
CARTMAN
Well, he shouldn't have called me fat.
STAN
Why the hell not?! That's like calling
the sky blue!
CARTMAN
Well, screw him, he's dead! Let's go
look for crocodiles!
KYLE
You guuuys!
STAN
Hey, he's still alive. Kyle, are you
okay?
KYLE
I think so. Is Cartman up there?
CARTMAN
I'm right here, Kyle.
KYLE
Cartman, you fucking hunk of fat, rat-fucking
hunk of pig-fucking ass fat.
CARTMAN
Oh yeah?! Oh yeah?! Say that to my face,
pussy!
STAN
Can you climb back up, dude?
KYLE
I don't think so.
STAN
Damn it, I guess I'll have to go get
him.
CARTMAN
Nah. Come on, guys. Let's go look for
crocodi-iles.
[Inside a cave at the bottom of the shaft, Kyle awaits his rescue.
Stan descends, spinning slowly as Cartman huffs outside.]
STAN
Whoa, dude. This is making me sick.
Blaach! Bluchluchluchluch.
KYLE
Sick, dude!
STAN
Sorry. What the hell are you doing,
fat boy?!
CARTMAN
Screw you, hippie!
KYLE
Come on, dude. I wanna get out of here.
STAN
All right. Just grab the rope. Wait
a minute. What's this?
BOTH
AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
KYLE
Dude, it's a dude!
STAN
He's like, some frozen guy.
CARTMAN
Come on, you guys, it's getting cold
up here!
STAN
Shut up, Cartman! Dude, I saw this
in a movie once. The old cavemen get
frozen, and then people discover them
and make them their caveman friends.
KYLE
Wow. Cool.
STAN
You guys, there's a frozen ape man
from the past down here! Send some more
rope!
CARTMAN
Really? Hey, there's a frozen guy down
there.
STAN
Help me chip some of the ice away.
CARTMAN
Hey you guys. This is just like that
one movie, um, John Travolta and that,
French chick were doing it, all summer
long and went back to school and sang
somgs about "Greased Lightning." You
know, that movie where Sandra Dee thinks
she's all prissy, and then they try
and try to get an abortion, but she
doesn't have all the-
STAN AND KYLE
Cartman, will you shut the hell up and
get some more rope?!
CARTMAN
Aww, screw you guys anyway!
STAN
Hey, remember when that kid found a
wallet and got a reward?
KYLE
Yeah, sweet! Maybe we can get a reward
for the frozen guy!
BOTH
Hooray!
CARTMAN
For what?
[on the road towards town. Cartman pulls the frozen man on a
sled while the other three push from behind]
STAN
Where shall we bring it?
KYLE
I don't know. We just have to get it
to town and let them figure out what
to do with it.
STAN
I think I'm going to name it Gorak.
KYLE
No, dude! We have to name it Steve.
STAN
Steve? What the hell kind of caveman
name is Steve?
KYLE
It's my name, and I found him.
STAN
You didn't find him, I found him.
KYLE
What are you talking about, dude?! I
fell down that abyss and there it was!
STAN
You wouldn't even have noticed it if
I hadn't pointed it out.
KYLE
Kenny, who found the ice man?
KENNY
(Well, I think you guys should name
it Steve)
CARTMAN
I think we're almost there, you guys.
[City Hall front lawn. The mayor is at the podium and a crowd
of townspeople is watching]
MAYOR
Aalll right, people. The next order
of business is a very serious matter.
We need to vote on whether South Park
should reinstate the death penalty or
not. All those in favor, say "yippee."
SOME PEOPLE
Yippee.
TARDY MAN
Wait, what was that? I missed the question.
Yippee!
MAYOR
All those opposed, say "nay."
OTHER PEOPLE
Nay.
TARDY MAN
Screw you!
MAN
Ey! Screw you!
STAN
Huh, excuse me?
MAYOR
Not now, kids. Thw town is having a
very important debate on capital punishment.
KYLE
But we found a frozen ice man from the
past!
STAN
I found this frozen guy in the woods
today.
KYLE
No. I found this frozen guy in the woods
today.
MAYOR
What the hell is going on here?
KYLE
We came for our reward.
CARTMAN
Yeah, like the kid with the wallet.
MAYOR
Reward? What reward?
MEPHESTO
Mayor, I think the boys may have stumbled
onto something here. You see, Mayor,
frozen links are often found: dinosaur
eggs, woolly mammoths. This specimen
could be a missing link in our evolution.
If I can unfreeze the body, and perform
an autopsy, I could learn much about
this creature's people and its time.
MAYOR
Sure sure sure, be my guest, knock your
socks off.
MEPHESTO
Thank you, Mayor. Oh, and boys, I, I
can't give you a reward for finding
this creature, but if you'd like, I'll
let you name him.
STAN
Really.
KYLE
Sweet. How about Steve?
MEPHESTO
Steve it is.
STAN
Wait a minute! His name is Gorak!
MEPHESTO
Come on, Steve. We've got work to do.
Unfreezing this body will be quite
delicate work. We'll have to use the
most advanced methods available.
[The South Park Genetic Enginnering Ranch. Inside, Mephesto and
Kevin use blow dryers on the ice man. Quite an advanced method]
MEPHESTO
This is very exciting. He could be a
Neanderthal. Or an Autralopithecus from
the Paleolithic era. Do you see that,
Kevin? These clothes are from Eddie
Bauer. I haven't seen anybody wear clothes
from Eddie Bauer since… 1996! This
is incredible! Think of all we can learn
from this body! All that it can teach
us! Let's just hope the press doesn't
get wind of this right away.
BARBRADY
Stand back, people. There's nothing
to see here.
REPORTER
What about the prehistoric ice man?
BARBRADY
Oh, yeah. There is that.
REPORTER
Dr. Mephesto, could you please tell
us what's going on?
MEPHESTO
Ladies and gentlemen, we still have
a lot of work to do. But it is my opinion
tha this man has been frozen in time
for over 32 months! Yes, it's true,
although at this early stage we know
very little about this man or the time
from which he comes.
[News 4 Special Report. The caption has a silhouette of a caveman
stamped with a question mark.]
REPORTER
Fascinating news tonight from South
Park. An ancient discovery of a prehistoric
man actually frozen in ice. A team of
scientists continues to try and unfreeze
the body so that it can be autopsied,
and studied. The caveman was discovered
by Kyle Broflovski, who had this to
say:
KYLE
Well, I fell down this ice cavern,
and I saw this block of ice, so I told
my friend to throw a rope-
REPORTER
The prehistoric ice man is thought to
be from the late neo-post-Jurrasic era,
where he was probably part of a hunting
and gathering tribe that lived on Waterston
Street.
[The genetic engineering ranch.]
MEPHESTO
That's it, Kevin. Now we can begin the
autopsy.
"STEVE"
Uuuurrr.
MEPHESTO
Ugh? What's this?
"STEVE"
Mmmmm.
MAYOR
Holy crap! He's alive??
MEPHESTO
That's impossible! Do an EKG on him!
"STEVE"
Uugh!
MEPHESTO
My God, he really is alive. The ice
must have preserved him!
MAYOR
Well, quick, do something!
MEPHESTO
Nono, we've got to think this through.
Mayor, this man has not been conscious
for almost three years. He won't understand
what he sees! He'll be frightened and
confused!
MAYOR
Well, you just can't let him die.
MEPHESTO
Perhaps death is better than the shock
he will take trying to adapt to our
time.
"STEVE"
Uh, ughn.
MEPHESTO
Oh my God. It looks as if he's about
to speak!
"STEVE"
Where… where am I?
REPORTER 1
What?
REPORTER 2
What's he saying?
REPORTER 3
Is that English?
MEPHESTO
What? You're, you're hungry?
"STEVE"
Where am I?
MEPHESTO
You're, you're hungry?
"STEVE"
What's goin' on?
MEPHESTO
Me friend. Friieend. Me friend. Ma-phes-to.
Mah-phehs-to.
"STEVE"
Huh?
MEPHESTO
Hawgh! If we could understand what he's
saying, then maybe we could get some
answers. If only there was someone
who could communicate with him on a
level as primitive as his own, a mind
like… a child.
[The boys walk along the curb on their was home]
STAN
Dude, I wanted to call him Gorak.
KYLE
Gorak's a gay name.
STAN
No, it isn't!
KYLE
Why are you being such a dick?
STAN
I'm not being a dick, you're being a
dick!
KYLE
Nuh-uh!
BARBRADY
Hello, children. Dr. Mephesto needs
one of you to help him out in his lab
with the prehitoric ice man.
KYLE
I'll go.
STAN
No, I'll go! I found him!
CARTMAN
Damn, I've never seen you guys fight
like this!
BARBRADY
All right, there's only one fair way
to do this. Everyone stick out their
potatoes. My mother and your mother
were out hanging clothes. My mother
punched your mother in the nose. What
color blood came out?
KENY
(Blue.)
BARBADY
B L O O uh oh-O spells "blue" and that
means that you will go to the lab and
help out Mephesto and then we can all
go home and watch Murphy Brown.
[The genetic engineering ranch. "Steve" is now sitting up.]
MEPHESTO
Steve. You-
"STEVE"
Where am I?
MEPHESTO
Steeve. Steeeve. Steeeve. Oh good,
you're here.
STAN
Oh my God, they revived Gorak.
KYLE
You bastards!
MEPHESTO
Yes, and I need you to communicate with
him. See if you can understand what
he's saying.
STAN
Uh. Hi.
"STEVE"
Hi.
MEPHESTO
What'd he say?
STAN
He said, "hi."
MEPHESTO
Very interesting.
"STEVE"
Where am I?
MEPHESTO
What??
STAN
He wants to know where he is.
MEPHESTO
Tell him, tell him he's… home.
STAN
You're… home.
MEPHESTO
In the year 1999.
"STEVE"
It's 1999??
MEPHESTO
He's been frozen for the last 32 months.
STAN
Dude, you've been frozen 32 months.
MEPHESTO
And we found you-
"STEVE"
What? Thirty-two months?!
MEPHESTO
All right, all right, all-
"STEVE"
Aaaa!
MEPHESTO
All right, all right, calm down.
"STEVE"
AAAAAAA!
MEPHESTO
I think that's enough for today.
"STEVE"
Whoa, oh.
KYLE
Good job, dude! You freaked him out!
STAN
Oh, shut up, assmaster. You're just
jealous 'cause they had me talk to him.
KYLE
Guess what? You're not my best friend
anymore! Cartman's my new best friend!
CARTMAN
Sweet.
STAN
Oh yeah? Well You're not my best friend
anymore, either! Cartman is now my best
friend!
CARTMAN
Killer.
KYLE
Fine!
STAN
Fine!
CARTMAN
Fine.
[The genetic engineering ranch. A car is stationed outside. A
finger presses the butt-shaped doorbell]
AGENT
Are you Alphonse Mephesto?
MEPHESTO
The same.
AGENT
We understand that you are currently
in possession of the prehistoric ice
man from 1996.
MEPHESTO
That's right.
AGENT
We would like to… we would like to
offer our services in your experiments.
MEPHESTO
Oh? Where are you gents from?
AGENT 2
We are from the University, of… America.
MEPHESTO
Well, there's not a lot to see, but…
Come in. He's still not responding
much to us; the shock is still settling
in, but we've made great progress now
that he's in the habitat.
AGENT
Habitat?
MEPHESTO
Yes. Kevin and I designed a habitat
for Steve to live in that is completely
like his own world. Everything is 1996-oriented.
AGENT
Amazing. He looks so much like us.
MEPHESTO
Yes, well, Kevin has done a lot of work
in figuring out just how related to
us Steve really is. Hew came up with
this drawing
AGENT
Dr. Mephesto, we realize that scientific
study is expensive. We want to help
you make this project more… lucrative.
MEPHESTO
How would we do that?
AGENT
It's easy.
[Mephesto has opened up his ranch to the public. Viewers move
down a moving sidewalk looking at the habitat and listening to
Ace of Base's "The Sign". One viewer snaps a picture. Mephesto
stands at a podium]
MEPHESTO
As you can see, the ice man is listening
to Ace of Base, which was a very popular
group during his era, and primitive
drummings soothed his people's tempers.
STAN
He doesn't look very happy in there.
KYLE
No, he sure doesn't.
STAN
I wasn't talking to you, buttpipe! I
was talking to Cartman!
KYLE
Well, I was talking to Cartman, too!
CARTMAN
Damn, I'm pretty freakin' cool all of
a sudden.
MEPHESTO
Ah! Here we see the ice man trying to
gain Internet access on the computer.
The Internet was still not very big
in his time, so the Web frightens and
confuses him. It's okay, he can't hurt
you. It's one-way glass: he can't even
see us. And now the ice man watches
television.
AUSSIE
This grizzly bear has the strength of
over ten Morgan Freemans. I'm really
pissing him off right now.
MEPHESTO
Wait. This could be dangerous.
AGENT
How so?
MEPEHSTO
He's changing the channel. Something
on the television could frighten and
confuse him.
SPORTS REPORTER
And they've done it! The Atlanta Falcons
are going to the Super Bowl!
"STEVE"
What?!! Rrrowrrr!
STAN
You guys aren't being very nice to
my creature.
KYLE
He's my creature!
MEPHESTO
He's fine, boys. And we're learning
so much from him.
STAN
Let him out, dude. He's scared.
AGENT
He would be more scared on the outside.
Do you think this stuff freaks him out?
How do you think he'd react to what's
happening in the government right now?
KYLE
But it isn't right!
AGENT 2
Little boy, sometimes, what's right
isn't as important as what's profitable.
KENNY
(Uh oh. Ow!)
STAN
Oh my God, they killed Kenny!
KYLE
What?! I'm not talking to you!
[Later that night.]
STAN
Gorak! Gorak! Gorak! Are you there?
"STEVE"
Oh hi. What are you doing here? Viewing
hours are 10 to 6.
STAN
I don't think it's fair for them to
keep you captive like this, Gorak. I
came to bust you out.
"STEVE"
Wow. That's really nice of you, kid.
Thanks!
STAN
What are you doing here?
KYLE
I'm here to bust out Steve.
STAN
What?! You can't. I'm here to bust out
Gorak.
KYLE
His name is Steve!
STAN
His name is Gorak!
"STEVE"
My name is Larry.
KYLE
Steve!
STAN
Gorak!
KYLE
Steve!
STAN
What kind of stupid-ass name is Steve?!
KYLE
Because, he kinda like looks like Steve
Austin, the $6 million man
STAN
No he doesn't!!
KYLE
Does so!
LARRY
Uh. Hey, kids, could you just open the
door so I can get back to my family?
STAN
I found him, I'm rescuing him!
LARRY
Thanks.
STAN
You're a dick!
KYLE
You're a dick!
STAN
You're a dick, and I've had it with
your dicketry! I choose you!
KYLE
You want a fight? Well, that's fine
with me!
STAN
Tomorrow at the bus stop, 4 o'clock!
KYLE
Well, why don't we make 3 o'clock?
STAN
Dude, Terrance and Phillip is on at
3.
KYLE
Oh yeah. Fine, I'll kick your ass
tomorrow, dick!
STAN
I'll kick your ass so bad you'll wish
you never had it- to begin with! Your
ass, I mean. Wait.
[The town, next day. Larry walks around and comes across "TELE'S,"
which shows a large-screen TV flanked by towers three TV's tall
on each side. Marilyn Manson is on screen]
MARILYN MANSON
I just smelled your britches and they're
stinky
Stinky Britches
Stinky Britches
LARRY
Arrrggh!
[the genetic engineering ranch]
MEPHESTO
He's gone! The ice man has broken out!
AGENT
No, that's impossible! How could he
have?
MEPHESTO
He must have used this… door
AGENT
Damn it, Damn it!
MEPHESTO
We have to find him! He won't survive
long out in the world!
AGENT
Yes, and if he isn't found, we won't
be able to use him for our military
war-
AGENT 2
Sshhhh!
AGENT
Right.
MEPHESTO
What?
AGENT 2
What?
AGENT
Nothing.
MEPHESTO
No, what did you say? Uh, use him for
what?
AGENT
Butlutlutlutlup!
AGENT 2
Dr. Mephesto, where could the creature
have gone?
MEPHESTO
I have no idea!
AGENT
We'll never track him down on our own.
This calls for some special assistance.
[Larry knocks at a door at 1299 Waterston St. A woman opens the
door.]
WOMAN
Can I help you?
LARRY
Leslie. It's me, Larry. Your husband?
WOMAN
Husband? You're not my husband.
LARRY
Think hard, Leslie. We used to be together,
for over eight years?
WOMAN
Iii seem to remember a husband, but
I think he was lost and never found
on Kenosha Pass.
LARRY
That was me!
WOMAN
Oh.
BIG MAN
Who is it, lover?
WOMAN
It's my former husband, who I had forgotten
all about.
BIG MAN
Ooooo. Well, sir, let me shake your
hand. I'm proud to meet the man whose
wife I'm currently sticking it to every
night.
LARRY
So you… remarried.
WOMAN
Yes, Lorry.
LARRY
Larry!
WOMAN
Uhlarry. Larry-y, you disap - peared.
I waited for you to come home for over
three days! I. I remember how cold and
lonely the nights got. By the fourth
day I knew: I had to move on.
LARRY
Didn't anybody send out a search party?
WOMAN
We did, Larry. We looked all afternoon.
But we found nothing, no trace.
LARRY
Please, Leslie, I don't know where else
to go. I'm confused.
WOMAN
Leslie, I'm with Buck now.
LARRY
You're Leslie.
WOMAN
Right. I'm with Buck now. We have children
together. Calvin is eight, and little
Buck is 13. I just can't up and leave
them. I'm sorry.
LARRY
I'm sorry, too. I'll leave you alone.
Eight and thirteen?
[Stan's house. He and Cartman are out in the backyard. Cartman
is dressed as an outback hunter]
CARTMAN
Well, I don't see any crocs out here.
STAN
Damnit, Cartman, you're supposed to
be helping me to get ready to fight
Kyle, not playing Australian outback
guy!
CARTMAN
Or, in other words, I'll let this jagu-ar
bop me in the face and see if it hurts.
Come on, jagu-ar, let's see what you've
got! Aaah! Ow, son of a bitch!
STAN
You suck as a best friend, Cartman!
CARTMAN
You son of a bitch cat!
STAN
What are you doing, Gorak!
LARRY
I can't live in your time. I'm freezing
myself again.
STAN
Wow, that sucks, dude.
LARRY
Tell me about it. I've been doing this
for over three and a half hours now,
and only my toes are starting to ice
over.
KYLE
Steve, wait!
STAN
What are you doing here, dick?! We're
not supposed to fight until 4 o'clock!
KYLE
I've got something to show Steve, dick!
STAN
Gorak is busy freezing himself again,
dick!
KYLE
Steve, you don't have to freeze yourself.
Look!
LARRY
What is that?
KYLE
It's this place called Des Moines. It's
like, lost in time, see? Everybody
looks like you do. Fashion is two years
behind, Technology is two years behind,
fads, are two years behind, just like
you.
LARRY
Home.
KYLE
Come on, Steve, you're going to Des
Moines!
STAN
Oh, no you don't, glory-monger! Gorak
is my respnosibility. I'll take him
to Des Moines!
KYLE
No you don't, butthole!
LARRY
They're coming for me!
STAN
Come on!
CARTMAN
Yeah, you jagu-ars can be real mean.
I'm gonna have to smack it in the face.
MEPHESTO
Was the ice man here?
CARTMAN
He might have been, by crikey.
AGENT
We have to get him back. Well, can you
do it?
AUSSIE
Sure I can! I can hunt down anything!
CARTMAN
Wow! Kick ass!
[South Park Train Station. People are waiting to depart, and
a train is pulling in]
STAN
We need a one-way ticket to Des Moines,
please.
CLERK
Des Moines? What the hell for?
KYLE
We have to get our friend, Steve-
STAN
My friend, Gorak!
KYLE
-to Des Moines, or else he's gonna melt
away.
STAN
No, he's not gonna melt away! That's
Frosty, you stupid butthole!
KYLE
Frosty, Steve, whatever.
CLERK
Well, okay. Uh, I'll find him a seat.
STAN
Dude, look, it's 4 o'clock.
KYLE
Oh. We'll wait for you over there, Steve.
We have to start fighting now.
LARRY
Okay, boys. Thanks.
KYLE
Okay. First one to die, loses.
STAN
'K.
KYLE
Okay.
STAN
O-okay.
KYLE
So, here we go.
STAN
'K
KYLE
Go.
[The woods. The Aussie leads Mephesto, Agents, Barbrady, and
other cops, in a hunt. He runs across a set of tracks]
AUSSIE
Wait a second. I think he came through
here recently.
CARTMAN
Yeah, I think the same thing.
AGENT
Well, where the hell is he? We've got
to get him back to the lab.
MEPHESTO
He can't function out here in our time!
AUSSIE
Calm down, calm down.
CARTMAN
Yeah, calm down, calm down, you sons
of bitches.
AUSSIE
Wait! Look!
MEPHESTO
Is it him?
AUSSIE
No! It's a Rocky Mountain rattle snake.
This is the most poisonous snake in
this entire region. Now, what I'm gonna
do, is carefully sneak up on him, and
jam my thumb up his butthole. Crikey!
Oh, this snake is really pissed!! I'm
gonna jam my thumb in his butthole now!
Awww, yeah, that pissed it off all
right!
MEPHESTO
Does he always do this?
AGENT
Yeah,
CARTMAN
I'm gonna go jam my thumb in some'in's
butthole now.
[the train station. Stan and Kyle are still fighting]
STAN
Ow!
KYLE
Ow!
STAN
Watch my coat, dude.
KYLE
Oh.
LARRY
I got my ticket.
STAN
Huh?
LARRY
I have to go to Platform B.
KYLE
Oh. Okay, it's over this way
AUSSIE
The trail ends here.
AGENT
The train station? Then he's trying
to go somewhere.
MEPHESTO
Have you seen a man who looks similar
to us, but with a thicker brow and an
apish nose?
CLERK
What the hell are you talking about?
MEPHESTO
An ice man, a man from the past. We
must find him. Now, where is he?!
[Platform B. Larry has gotten on the train, and the boys see
him off. They get back to fighting]
LARRY
Well, this is it. I'm going back to
my time. Thanks again, boys.
STAN
No problem, Gorak.
KYLE
Later.
LARRY
You boys have really shown me the true
meanng of friendship. You didn't care
about anythng but my happiness. You
put me in front of yourselves, and that's
what real friendship is all about.
STAN
Yup.
KYLE
Uhuh.
LARRY
After being frozen, I've learned that
all a person has in life is family.
And friends. If you lose those, you
have nothing. So friends are to be treasured,
more than anything in the world!
STAN
Right on.
KYLE
Cool.
LARRY
Goodbye, boys. Goodbye, friends!
MEPHESTO
Where is he? Where is Steve?!
STAN
His… name… is… Gorak!
KYLE
His name… is Steve!
AGENT
The train!
MEPHESTO
We've got to stop it!
AUSSIE
No worries.
AGENT
Let's get him!
STAN AND KYLE
No!
[The hunting party is now on the tracks chasing the train.]
AGENT
We've gotta stop that train!
AUSSIE
Come back here, you!
KYLE
Steve! Steve, look out!
STAN
They're after you!
AUSSIE
Oh, he's a wily one!
LARRY
Oh, poo!
KYLE
Steve, look out!
AUSSIE
Notice the dilated pupils of this prehistoric
man. A sure sign the prey is frightened.
As well as he should be, as I will now
jam my thumb up his butthole.
LARRY
Huh? Whah?!
AGENT
Stop the train!
CONDUCTOR
Hey, who are you?
AGENT
I said, stop that train!
CONDUCTOR
Yes, hello. I see you.
CARTMAN
They're all movin' pretty fast, but
I'll catch up to 'em, by crikey.
[atop the train, Larry and the Aussie wrestle.]
LARRY
I've got you pinned. I win.
AUSSIE
Now I've got you pinned. I win!
CONDUCTOR
Whoa!
AGENT
Hey, it's okay! The helicopter is here!
Go get him, boys! Cut him off!
LARRY
Nooo!
AUSSIE
Now for the coup de gras. I'll just…
get my… thumb up… here.
LARRY
Oohh!
[the helicopter lands in front of the train, but the train rolls
on]
PILOT
Aah, the train's not stopping. It's
not stopping! AAAAAAAA!
AUSSIE
Holy bum-!
STAN
Where's Gorak??
PILOT
Wow, that is the God-damnedest thing
I've ever seen.
AGENT
Where's the ice man?!
MEPHESTO
He has to be around here somewhere.
KYLE
I can't believe he's gone.
STAN
Wait, look! The helicopter!
KYLE
Hey!
STAN
He's alive!
LARRY
Good-bye again! I'm off to Des Moines!
MEPHESTO
No! Come back! You can't get out! You'll
never live!
LARRY
I'm not living here! Living is having
ups and downs and sharing them with
friends! Thank you, Stan and Kyle!
See ya!
AGENT
Damn! Well, so much for our plan to
use the ice man to take over Sweden.
MEPHESTO
What?!
AGENT
What? Nothing!
STAN
Kyle, Steve was a… pretty good name
for that guy.
KYLE
No- Dude, Gorak is cool because it's
original. And besides, you found him.
CARTMAN
Be very very quiet. I'm hunting crocodiles,
hahahahahaha.
STAN
Could we be best friends again? I
hate having Cartman as a best friend.
KYLE
Me, too. He sucks.
CARTMAN
Oh yeah?! Well I don't need you guys
anyways! You guys can kiss my- Aha!
There's a king croc right there! And
what I'm gonna do, is I'm gonna sneak
up on it, and jam my thumb in its-
COW
Moo!
CARTMAN
Ey! Ey, get me out of here! God-damnit!
Ugh. Smells like Kenny's house in here.
THE END
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