Okay, is everyone ready to go?
Oh, I'm so excited. I've always wanted
to see Cirque du Cheville.
Me too. We were lucky to get tickets.
Come on, boys! We're gonna be late.
Oh, don't they look precious?
Why do we have to dress up? Isn't this
just a circus, with elephants and lions
and stupid clowns
No, Stanley. Cirque du Cheville is French-Canadian.
They get acrobats and singers from all
over the world and then do very artistic
Why the hell do you wanna take these
boys to see that fufu French theater
crap? You're gonna turn them into poofders!
Dad, Stanley needs to see the arts!
Well, he doesn't need to see a bunch
of frogs prance around in tights and
make-op wrappin' their peckers around
each other's faces!
Come on, everybody, let's go.
Close your eyes and cover your ears,
Billy! Remember, you're a man.
[Cirque du Cheville, night. Folks are streaming in to get seats.
Next, under the Big Top]
Oh, this is so exciting
Oh, look at the funny clown, Stanley.
Where? Oh, no. Ha ha, very funny,
thank you, goodbye. No, thank you.
Go away, please.
He doesn't want your dumbass umbrella,
clown! Beat it! Ow.
You didn't know that was gonna happen,
did you, Stanley?
Oh, God, that was soo funny! Oh, man,
somebody stop my guts frm bursting out
of my sides!
Ladies and gentlemen, please, no smoking
and no flash-photography during Sarque
du Son Bleu
Sarque du Son Bleu. Oho, we've reached
warp factor 5, captain.
How long does this thing last?
CARTMAN, KYLE, KENNY
[Cirque du Cheville, later. A troupe of twelve dancers leap high
and drop down again. The parents are still in thrall, and their
eyes follow the dancers' leaps. Cartman is now asleep. Some time
elapses, and a singer sings her song. The other three boys are
getting sleepy. The smiles are gone from the parents' faces.
The singer is shown with a two-person high-wire act overhead.
Little "birds" pop out from her dress and dance around. A new
act appears, and Stan is falling asleep on his left hand. Kyle
and Kenny seem more awake. An invisible man in a visible suit
walks on, and a clown jumps out of the floor in front of him.
The clown and the man shake hands, and the clown rips the man's
right arm off. A new act comes on, and Stan, Kyle, and Kenny
are really drowsy. The curtains open to reveal five girls, and
they come forward to dance]
Ooo, these are the contorting quintuplets
Wha-what? Another gay guy in feathers?
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
(Oh yeah! Woohoo!)
[Cirque du Cheville, dismissal. The crowd exits the tent]
Oh, that was wonderful!
Yes. Too bad it was their last show,
or I'd go see it again.
Those contorting Romanian chicks rule.
Yeah, especially that second one from
the left. She was fine!
Cartman, what the hell are you talking
about?! They're identical!
Not that second one from the left; she
had it goin' on!
Don't forget to buy your souvenirs,
Damn, dude, do you see how much money
this place is raking in?
Yeah. I could prance around in tights
and sing opera too, for that kind of
Hey, we should start our own Cirque
Yeah. This one's moving out of town,
so we could take over.
Let's go practice.
[Dressing Room #1. "Vladchick Contorting Quintuplets" is written
over a star.]
Hurry up, girls. We must bundle up against
Did we do good final show, Grandmama?
Very good, my girls. I only wish it
weren't your last show. I love this
country so very much.
Mrs. Vladchick, it is time. It is time
to return to Romania.
Yes, yes, of course. Just give me vone
second to finish getting them ready.
This way, girls. Quickly.
Vhy are we going out the window, Grandmama?
Your mother did not want you to grow
up in Romania. This is our only chance.
Nid kelmin da bushka.
Nid kelmin da lushka velt
Nid kelmin da bushka ayn zolt!
Dash fam da bushka!
[Cirque du Cheville, outside the main tent. The two Romanian
men rush out]
They're trying to defect!
Cauch! We need a boat.
OARSMAN IN VEST
Where to, Mack?
Follow that boat.
[The Marsh house, living room. The boys have bought a CD of the
show, and Kenny sings to the instrumental of one of the songs.
Kenny is wearing the costume the first singer wore. The other
three are practicing... um... Stan tries to leap into Kyle's arms,
but they end up tumbling on the floor. Cartman runs forth and
does some cartwheels, but lands on a coffee table, breaking it
Dude, this isn't working.
It's Kenny's singing!
Yeah, Kenny, you have to sing better!
(I'm singing as good as I can!)
Well, it's not good enough, Kenny! You
have to get better! Try it again!
Aha, I knew it. They turned you into
[Stark's Pond. Grandmama and the girls zoom away.]
There's nowhere to go, Mrs. Vladchick.
Okay girls, the Cam Ay Alta.
Be careful, Gabul! Be careful, Gabul!
Did we do good, Grandmama?
Very good, Glacas.
[The Marsh house. Snow falls outside. The other boys have gone
I'm tired, Grandpa.
No, Billy! You're gonna stay here and
watch more McGyver. We've gotta get
all the Frenchy-poo fag-nasties out
of ya. Who the hell would be ringin'
the doorbell at this time of night?
I don't know. Whoa.
We are very sorry to disturb you. My
granddaughters are cold and tired. Is
there any possibility we could pay you
for a place to sleep?
You're from Cirque du Cheville.
Yes. We- missed our train. If we could
shelter here; it would only be for one
Well, of course you can. Come in out
of the snow.
Oh, thank you so much.
There's some spare bedrooms upstairs,
That Grandma is not a bad piece of ass.
Ew, Dad! Not in front of Stanley!
Well, it's good for 'im.
[The McCormick house. Kenny is in his room with three books on
(Let's see... No, not there) (Let's
see. Nothing there) (Let's see... here!)
Hello, and welcome to: "Singing like
Bocelli for Dummies." Lesson 1: Yaaayayeha!
Lesson 2: Hehyayaya hehyayaya!
Good: And now we'll do the entire piece,
"Con Te Partirò"
(Con Te Partirò?)
(...Su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più.
con te io li rivivrò.
[...and it becomes background music as the camera pans over to...]
[The Marsh house. Grandmama Vladchick is in her nightgown combing
her hair. Grandpa Marsh rolls by]
Got everything you need there, do ya?
(Su navi per mari)
Yes. You're avefully soo kind to my
(che, io lo so,)
They're quite agile little things, aren't
(no, no, non esistono più.)
Yes, as I was back in my day. I was
a contortionist, too.
(con te io li rivivrò.)
...remember any of that stuff, do ya?
Su navi per mari
che, io lo so,
no, no, non esistono più.)
[as Kenny sings, Grandpa returns to Mrs. Vladchick's room naked...
and without the wheelchair. She lifts up her left leg over her
head, then lets it go. Kenny's getting into the song. The tape
speeds up a bit...]
(Io con te...!)
Ah. Oh. Ah! Oh. Oh-oooh-oooh!
[The McCormick house, Kenny's room. The music stops with a thump
and Kenny collapses on his bed exhausted]
And now lesson 4: the complete works
of Mozart. Let's begin.
[The Marsh house, morning. Randy and Sharon are in the kitchen
enjoying some coffee]
What should we do, Randy? I like these
Romanians fine, but I hope that old
woman isn't planning on staying here
Heh, it's 11 o'clock and she's still
Poor dear must be tired.
You're damn right she's tired.
Oh, nothin'. She's just gonna have a
little trouble walkin' today is all.
[The Marsh house, outside. Stan leads the other three boys in
the side gate and to the backyard]
Hurry up, you guys!
What's going on?
Dude, you're not gonna believe this.
No way! The bitches from Cirque du Chebleu!
Yeah. They're quintuplets from Romania.
What's a "quin-tuplet"?
Ve are twins, except there are five
of us instead of two.
But there's only four of you.
No no, Natalia is just playing mirror,
but it's with Nadia.
So if you're identical, does that mean
you all think alike?
ALL FIVE QUINTS
No, don't be ridiculous.
Will you guys be in our Cirque du Celville?
You have your own?
Well, not yet. Kenny has to get better
at singing first.
But as soon as he starts singing better,
we're all gonna make bank!
Count me in.
...Oh, and me.
[The Marsh house, kitchen]
Alright, we've gotta figure out what
to do. I'm gonna go wake her up. Hello?
Mrs.... Mrs., Old Romanina Woman? Ma'am?
Well, all tuckered, is she? Ha ha ha
A little cottony in the crotch? Hr hr
No, Dad, she's dead!
What?! Oh, dear Jesus!
It looks like she had a heart attack.
No wonder she didn't say good-night.
[The Marsh house, the backyard]
Okay, hold it, hold it.
I don't know how to tell. You tell them.
Uh, girls, we... have some bad news.
Um... Everyone who has a grandma, step
forward. Uh, not so fast, girls.
Grandmama is dead?
What are we going to do now?
You guys, come here. This is totally
How can you say that?
Because now we can convince them to
stay here, and now our circus will kick
Mom! Dad! Can the quints stay with
us? Please? Can they?
Well, Stan, it's not really our-
They have nowhere else to go. Please?
Well, for the time being I, I mean,
of course they can stay.
[The Marsh house, the backyard, some days later. Neighborhood
men and women walk up to a fenced-in area of the yard in which
the quints play with varous toys and balls]
Tom, I'm standing at the home in South
Park where five precious little girls
have been rescued from Romania. Their
mother passes away some months ago,
and then their grandmother died trying
to bring them here. But all is well
now, and people are coming from all
over the country to view the little
tykes. If you'd like to come down and
visit the quintuplets, admission is
only $5, and for a few dollars more
, you can feed them fishsticks.
Tom, it looks like these cute little
girls have made it out of that armpit
of a country they call Romania.
[Romania, day. Government officials watch the report in a run-down
Yes, luckily for them, these quintuplets
no longer have to live in Romania, the
asshole of the world. Back to you,
This is not good. It makes our country
look poor and stupid.
This could kill our tourism.
You know what to do.
[South Park School of Music]
Alright, Kenny, let's start with some
(Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha)
Well, what do you think? Can you help
him become a better singer?
Well, he's got potential. Depends on
how good he wants to be.
(Well, let's do it then!)
Well, if you wanna be a real singer,
you need to go to a conservatory in
Europe. There's no other alternative.
We can't afford that.
Well, then, I'm afraid your son will
always be a hack.
Well, Kenny, if it means that much to
you, maybe we can bus it to Europe and...
you can sing on the way to make money.
[The Marsh house, breaking news music is heard. Sharon rushes
into the kitchen]
Randy, Randy, you'd better have look
...until the U.S. government receives
this video, which was sent from Romania
just hours ago.
Hello. This is Romanian father. I am
desperate to have my girls returned
to me in Romania.
That's your dad?
But we haven't seen papa for more than
How I've missed them all. Little Nahlal.
Nadia, my sweet Barshta
Baltania, eh anyway, my heart is aching
for their return. I, I know the American
government will do what's right.
Hoh no, dude. If they get sent back
to Romania, we'll never get our Cirque
dei Ceville going.
Mom, Dad, you're not gonna send tham
back, are you??
Well, I... think we... have to,... don't we?
I don't know.
You don't wanna go back to stinky Romania,
do you? It sucks there.
Yeah. America is sooo much cooler. In
Romania they just oppress you and try
to bring you down.
We'll have to call the police and see
what they want us to do.
Damn, we might be screwed.
No! We've just gotta convince these
chicks that America kicks the ass out
of every other country. Come on!
[South Park Train Station. Kenny and his mom await the train.
Kenny launches into "La Donna E Mobile." Mrs. McCormick holds
a "Trying To Get To Europe" sign. The other boys take the quints
to South Park Funland]
You see, in America we have... log rides!
Bacon double-cheeseburgers! Sheep-shearing
22nd Annual Sheep Shearing Contest
[A man sheas a sheep with a shearer as the eight kids and four
Yeah. Woo hoohoohoo. Yeah.
And shoppong malls! Hooray!
Place On Earth!
Elevation 4200 ft.
[the U.S. Capitol. The Romanian father and two Romanian officials
sit in Janet Reno's office]
Mrs. Janet Reno, you must understand,
the father has right to his children.
Yes, but the girls seem to wanna stay
here. Why don't you all stay here in
America, and this whole thing can go
Our home is Romania. We love it there.
Ah, yes, uwuh we love it there.
If daughters will not return on their
own, you must force them to return
Gentlemen, this has to be handled very
delicately. You don't understand Americans'
power to protest.
Look, people have it so good in America
that they get bored very easily. And
when people get bored they start protesting
ALL THREE MEN
But I want to assure you, and the Romanian
people, that we are going to do everything
in our power to make this as confusing
[South Park, the Marsh house, day. A crowd of protesters lobby
in front of the house]
Let the quints stay! Romania is gay!
Let the quints stay! Romania is gay!
Fur is murder! Fur is murder! Oh, what
are we protesting here?
Oh, let's see Here we go. Romania sucks!
Romania sucks! Romania sucks!
Oh my God! I didn't know this was going
to become such a big deal.
That'll teach us for taking an old
lady and her granddaughters out of the
LEAD AGENT COLLINS
Attention, people inside the house!
You must return the quintuplets to
their father! You have until... Oh yeah,
that's good. You have until Easter
Sunday to comply.
[The Marsh house, Stan's room. Stan and friends are oblivious
to the action outside]
Okay, let's try it again. Hup!
Stanley, we have some bad news. The
courts have decided the girls must go
back to Romania.
No, they can't! We've convinced them
that they want to stay in America.
Yeah, we've shown them amusement parks
and malls. How can you expect them to
go back now??
I'm sorry, boys, but Janet Reno is having
them taken away on Easter Sunday. We...
don't have a choice. Sorry, girls.
Now what do we do?
[The Marsh house, outside, day. Several days have passed, and
now the protest crowd is larger, and news cameras are present]
Tom, it is now Easter morning, and as
the U.S. government promised, they are
here to take the girls back to their
father in Romania. Rumor has it that
Janet Reno herself will be extraditing
Alright, Ms. Reno, let's go over the
We'll drop you on the northwest corner
of the backyard. You hop into the back
of the house and find the quintuplets.
When you see them, you say...
"Hello, girls. I'm the Easter bunny."
Good. And then hand them the Easter
eggs filled with tear gas. Are you ready?
[Romanian School of Music, day. Kenny is heard singing. He is
onstage as his song ends, and his mom joins him with three other
Lad, we would like very much to have
you here at the Romanina Music School.
How much is all this gonna cost?
Don't worry, Ms. McCormick, Romania
is very poor country. Apartment is cheap.
Food is cheap, Everything is cheap because
we are so God-damned poor.
Yes, your two hundred American dollars
will last months here.
Wow, what a great country. Everybody's
poor, like us.
[The Marsh house, day. Protesters and police mill around the
Hello, girls. I'm the Easter bunny.
Happy Easter, kids. Come see what I
brought for ya.
Hey, Terrance, I think I have to fart.
Wait. Before you do, pull my thumb.
Oh, look. An Easter egg.
That's it. Let's move, move move move,
move! Give us the kids, now! Now!
Down on the floor. Get down on the God-damned
This is a bust! Hand over the quints!
Hand over the children! Happy Easter.
Hand over the children!!
What the hell's goin' on?!
Aw, go ahead and shoot me! I dare ya!
Don't push me, man!
Pull the trigger, you little pussy!
Pepper spray! Pepper spray!
Go ahead! In the van!
Damnit, now I'm never gonna have my
[Romanian School of Music, day. Kenny performs in front of a
full house. He finishes his song and the audience erupts in applause.
Roses rain down upon him as he takes his bow.]
Oh, your son is so talented, Ms. McCormick.
The people of Romania love him.
Good job, Kenny.
Mrs.McCormick, we would love for you
and your son to stay here in Romania,
with us. Wwill you consider it?
Well, what do you think, Kenny? You'd
have to leave your friends and your
[The Marsh house, day. The protesters leave one by one. The Marshes
stand in the bombed-out ruins]
Oh, Randy, it's gone! It's all gone!
Dude, what the hell happened?
The government came and got the quintuplets.
No more Cirque du Cheville for us.
Damnit! How come every time we get a
sweet idea, the government has to screw
Yeah! Well, not this time!
We've just gotta get that angry mob
back on our side! Alright, everybody,
listen up! Those bastards broke in here
and took those poor quintuplets to the
mayor's office downtown! But they haven't
won yet! I say we all go over to the
mayor's office, and demand to see the
quintuplets right now!
I don't know. I usually like to stop
protesting by 5:30.
Yeah, ah, do we get overtime for this?
Uh, sure, you can all get overtime.
Down with Japan!
[An office. Janet Reno and the two officers meet the Mayor and
her aides for a photo-op. The photographer takes his shot.]
Alright. We just need to get a few more
pictures of the girls reunited with
their father so everyone knows they're
Come on, girls. Smile. We want you
to look happy. Smile. Look at the silly
frog. Who's got the silly frog? Look
at him. I've got- Look at him. It's
silly. "I'm so silly."
[Romania, day. A news report on TV]
Ah, hello? This is Kenny's dad, back
in America. I miss my son very much.
I would like to see him returned to
me so that the U.S. government will
buy me a new car and- Ow! I mean, bec-
because I miss my son very much. Man.
[A United States Air Force checkpoint, later. Cartman, Kyle,
and Stan approach, and a soldier intervenes]
Hey! We wanna see the quintuplets!
You can't see them, boys. They're happily
reunited with their father.
Come on, angry mob!
[The USAF office. Reno has taken her mask off and stands next
to the girls. Behind her are six officers, and next to them are
the two Romanian officials and Mr. Vladchick.]
Alright, it is time for us to return
What is that?
It's the protesters. They're back.
God-damnit! We'll take care of them.
Let's move. Move!
Come on, come on, come on.
Come oonn, come oonn.
This is government property!
Let the quints stay!
You ruined my house!
What are you doing, Nadia?
I'm calling the only person in the vorld
who can help us.
[A USAF airfield, later. Protesters and officers are still brawling.
Stan and Kyle each kick an officer on the shin.]
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
All of you are acting like idiots!
None of you care about us. You only
care about yourselves!
Look at you, Father. You walked out
on us five years ago , and now you act
like you miss us sooo much! You are
a liar and a fake!
Yeah, you suck, dude!
And you Romanian leaders , you don't
care about us! All you care about is
making America look stupid!
Yeah! God, you guys are dicks!
And you protesters! Don't you have anything
better to do?! Get a life!
And you boys are the worst of all!
STAN, KYLE, CARTMAN
You know nothing about Romania, and
yet you assume America is so much better!
Maybe Romania isn't as nice as America,
but it is our home! We are Romanian!
All you care about is your own stupid
Where are you going, girls?
The only place we can go. We're going
on Oprah and then a book tour.
Yes. You can all kiss our little white
Oh, well. Doing our own circus was a
dumb idea anyways.
Yeah, screw them!
Kenny was never gonna get his singing
Whatever happened to Kenny?
[Romania, day. Romanian protesters with signs bearing a picture
of Kenny's head lobby in front of the house Kenny's in.]
Let Kenny stay! Let Kenny stay! Let
Alright, people, the father wants his
son returned to him! Hand him over to
Shut up, Romanians! All right, let's
go. Move move move move!
Hand over the boy, now!
I mean it, lady, you've got about-!
Writers : Trey Parker
Genres : Animation Comedy