"TERRANCE & PHILLIP: BEHIND THE BLOW"
[Cartman's house, day. Cartman and his friends sit on the sofa
And so, in her career filled with lies,
backstabbing, and whoring herself for
money, she learned that the price of
fame can be pleasing 65 men at once
in a dark, dirty alley. And so ends
"Punky Brewster, Behind The Blow."
Whoa, bummer, dude.
Okay, dude, it's 3:30.
It's time for the Terrance & Phillip
Excuse me, buddy.
Why, did you fart? Oh, no!
Oh man, this is another rerun.
Are you sure? I haven't seen it.
Yeah, fatass, this is their famous Mechanic
I'm looking for a mechanic. Can you
tell me how to get to the auto garage?
Sure, buddy! All you need to do is go
down to the , and that's how you get
to the auto garage!
Can you tell me how to get to the auto
garage without farting?
Sure. You go the same way except stick
your finger up your ass.
No no no! I mean, could you tell me
the directions again without you farting?
OOOH! Sure! Just stick your finger up
Alright, no problem, buddy. Now, tell
me: How do I get to the auto garage
to see a mechanic?
You're at the auto garage. I am the
Why the heck didn't you tell me you
were the mechanic?
Because I had an itch up my ass.
Because I had an itch up my ass.
[Cut to next scene, where they are working on toilet plumbing]
Terrance & Phillip will be right back...
...after these messages.
[Cut to Cartman's living room]
When are they gonna make new ones?
Hey kids, don't miss the greatest event
of the year! This Thursday night at
the Denver Coliseum, see Terrance and
Phillip LIVE! And in person
Announcer 3 [scenes from various episodes appear] One night and
one night only, see all your favorite Terrance and Phillip bits
live! [Kenny starts babbling incoherently]
Oh my God!
You guys! Hey you guys! You guys!
Enough! I know!
To order tickets, call TicketSlave NOW!!
Write the number down! Write the number
[South Park Elementary, day. Class is ready to start, the kids
are in their seats. Kyle rushes to his seat]
Dude! Did you get 'em?
I got 'em! Four tickets, 68th row, to
Terrance and Phillip! I waited in line
since 3 this morning!
Awesome! Give me mine!
Wow, yuh-you guys ore gonna see Terrance
and Phillip Live?
Yep. Tomorrow night.
Alright, children, let's settle down.
As you know, this coming Friday is Earth
Day. and I'm pleased to announce that
the national Earth Day organization
has chosen South Park as its location
for the Earth Day Brainwashing Festival.
The heads of the Earth Day Brainwashing
organization are here to tell you all
Hello children, I know you're all very
excited about having the Earth Day Brainwashing
Festival put on in your town.
You care very much about the earth,
Good, because it's up to all of you
to get lots of people to come.and make
it look great. The festival is on Friday,
so we'll start getting it ready tomorrow
We've all gotta pitch in
Ah, I'm sorry, but the four of us can't
help tomorrow night.
CARTMAN, KYLE, KENNY
Well we got tickets to see Terrance
and Phillip Live in Denver tomorrow
night. We paid forty bucks apiece for
And Terrance and Phillip are more important
than Mother Earth?
Well yeah, dude.
You don't care about Terrance and Phillip.
Nothing matters more than saving the
planet from Republicans. You don't
need to see Terrance and Phillip.
No, dude, we really, really do.
Their will is strong.
I'm sorry, boys, but nothing's more
important than Earth Day.
Uhuh, but that's why we're going.
Sww, w-we're the official presidents
of the Phillip and Terrance Fan Club.
A- and... we're... going to see them
tomorrow 'cause we can get them to perform
at the Earth Day festival.
You can get Terrance and Phillip to
perform? That would be great. Terrance
and Phillip would draw huge ratings
from children all over the country.
Very well, kids, we'll work on getting
the event ready here, and you go get
Terrance and Phillip.
But I warn you: You'd better not promise
things to Earth Day people that you
can't deliver. Earth Day people can
be... eheheh very unforgiving.
Heheh, heh, no problem, heh. No problem!
The Comedy of
Terrance and Phillip
[Denver Coliseum, the following night. The place is packed and
music plays in the background. The boys all sport their Terrance
and Phillip shirts, as do some other kids.]
Ladies and gentlemen! Put your hands
together for... Terrance!
Wow, dude, Terrance got really fat.
Yeah, he looks terrible.
How are we all feeling tonight? Pretty
good? Uh oh. Hey, do you all remember
"Doctor, doctor. I think I cracked my ass."
"Reallih? Let me take a look."
"Look closer." [farts, and laughs]
Where the hell is Phillip?! Phil-lip!
Phil-lip! Phil-lip! Phil-lip! Phil-lip!
And now, for some classic Terrance
and Phillip comedy!
Phillip? That's not Phillip.
Say, Phillip, I have a question for
Dude, what the hell is going on?! Why
did they replace Phillip?
I think this new guy's funny.
And now here's a classic Terrance and
Phillip sketch that I wrote back in
Excuse me, sir. Do you know Who farted?
He sure did.
What's the person's ?
The guy that farted!
The person that passed gas!
Who passed gas!
Now, why are you asking me?
That's the man's name?
That's Who's name?
Something very terrible has happened
in the world of Terrance and Phillip,
and we've got to find out what.
Look, buddy, all I'm trying to find
out is What's the guy's name that farted?
Right, the guy that drank his own urine.
[Denver Coliseum, later. Stan and friend walk down the corridors
backstage, heading to Terrance's dressing room]
Come on, guys, we're getting to the
bottm of this. 'Scuse us.
Where do you think you're going?
We have to talk to Terrance.
It's okay. We're the official presidents
of the Terrance and Phillip fan club.
Then get in the "Official Presidents
of the Terrance and Phillip Fan Club"
Aw, dude, gay!
You don't understand: we saved Terrance
and Phillip's lives once.
You and about a thousand other people
at one time or another. Now, get out
of my face!
Man, this sucks!
BOY IN GLASSES
Are you guys official presidents, too?
Don't talk to us, kid.
Hey! Look at that line! It's way shorter.
I don't think we're female groupies
or random sluts.
Kenny's a random slut.
Well, maybe we can sneak in over there.
Come on. Sshh.
[Terrance's dressing room. He and a groupie are making out on
the sofa, both moaning.]
Mmm. Mmm, yummy. Mmm.
It was so great meeting you. I feel
like we really shared something.
We sure did, baby. Next?
Hello Terrance. I'm such a huuuge fan.
You're a huge fan alright!
Can I just have you sign my breasts?
But what do I get in return?
Whatever you want.
Oh yeah. Oh, that's good, baby.
Oh, Terrance, I love you.
You like that?
I love you!
I LOVE you!
I LOVE YOIU!!
Agh! Wough! Man, it smells down there!
Jesus Christ! That was fast! Well, what
should we name it? How about Jerry?
What the hell?
Oh wow! We had quadruplets!
We're not quadruplets, Terrance. We
snuck in that woman's spandex to get
Oh! Thank God. The last thing I need
is more kids. What do you want, an
autograph or something?
Nuh, it's more important than that.
Our school is putting on a big show
for Earth Day, and we promised people
we could get you to perform.
Earth Day, huh? That sounds like a very
noble cause. How much does it pay?
But where's Phillip?
Phillip, your partner.
Why is it that every time somebody sees
me they have to say, "Hey, where's Phillip?"
Like we're freaking married or something!
You know, I'll let you tater-tots in
on a little secret: Phillip is a HACK!
You know who wrote all the Terrance
and Phillip stuff? ME! Phillip never
did anything but read his lines!
But the guy who replaced him sucks!
Ah, I know. I know he sucks To be
honest, things haven't been going so
well lately. I'm not making any money
because everyone wants to see Phillip.
Why? What the hell does Phillip do?
Becuase, dude, it's Terrance and Phillip.
Ogh, whatever. The point is, Phillip
and I are through. And apparently,
so is the act. And so is the money.
What if we can get Phillip to agree
to get back together. Will you do the
Earth Day show for us?
HA! Goood luck getting Phillip! He left
because he wanted to do "more serious"
stuff. Last I heard, he was doing Canadian
Shakespeare in Toronto.
But we promised the Earth Day people
Well, in that case, I'd say you four
boys are up Fart Creek without a paddle.
Home of Earth Day Celebration 2001,"
day. Booths are being set up for the
festival. The heads of the Earth Day
Brainwashing Festival make their rounds]
Work! Work, children! We only have
two more days until Earth Day! Work!
Ah, excuse me? My daddy is a geologist
and he says there actually isn't any
concrete evidence of global warming.
That's not true. Global warming is
going to kill us all. The Republicans
Oh no, dude.
Oh, there you are, boys. I need Terrance
and Phillip's information so I can tell
them their schedule.
Uuuh, we didn't get them.
They're not together anymore, dude.
You'd better be joking. We've already
announced their participation.
Look, we could we could probably get
Terrance, but he'll be perfoming with
this other guy.
You promised us Terrance and Phillip!
We therefore promised the WORLD Terrance
and Phillip! You WILL get us Terrance
and Phillip, or else!
But there's nothing we can do. Phillip
is doing Shakespeare in Canada now.
Then you'd better get your asses to
Canada and GET him. We'll make travel
arrangements. Nothing is more important
than the environment, boys. Not even
Well, guys, I guess we're going to Canada.
Part them; they are incensed.
Nay, come, again.
Look to the queen there, buddih!
They bleed on both sides. How is it,
How is't, Laertes?
Why, as a woodcock to mine own springe,
I am justly kill'd with mine own treachery.
How does the queen?
Hey guy, she swounds to see them bleed,
No, no, the drink, the drink,--O my
The drink, the drink! I am poison'd. Blagh! [dies]
O villany! Ho! let the door be lock'd:
Treachery! Seek it out.
It is here, Hamlet: Hamlet, thou art
No medicine in the world can do thee good;
In thee there is not half an hour of life;
The treacherous instrument is in thy hand,
Hath turn'd itself on me lo, here I lie,
NEVER TO RISE AGAIN
thy mother's poison'd:
I CAN NO MORE
the king, the king's to blame.
The point!--envenom'd too!
Then, venom, to thy work, buddih! [Stabs King Claudius]
O, yet defend me, friends; I am but
Here, thou incestuous, murderous, damned
Drink off this potion. Is thy union here?
Follow my mother.
He is served;
It is a poison temper'd by himself.
Mine and my father's death come not upon thee,
Nor thine on me. Blagh! [dies]
Heaven make thee free of it! I follow
I am dead, Horatio. Wretched queen, adieu!
You that look pale and tremble at this chance, buddih,
That are but mutes or audience to this act, [chuckles]
Had I but time--as this fell sergeant, death,
Is strict in his arrest--O, I could tell you, buddih--
But let it be. Horatio, I am dead;
Thou livest, guy; report me and my cause aright
To the unsatisfied. [chuckles]
Never believe it:
Here's yet some liquor left, buddih.
Jesus Tapdancing Christ, is this thing
ever gonna end?
...he has my dying voice;
So tell him, with the occurrents, more and less,
Which have solicited. The rest is silence. Blagh. [dies]
Now cracks a noble heart. Good night
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest, buddih!...
[The parking lot. The play has ended. Phillip reaches his car
with square tires. Stan and the boys chase him down]
Our town in Colorado was chosen to host
Earth Day this year and... we need a
Oh, really? This run of Hamlet is closing
down, I'm afraid. We could take it there.
Ah, well, we were thinking how cool
it would be if you and Terrance got
back together for a reunion and-
AH! Stop right there! I'm not doin'
nothin' with that fatass egomaniac!
But we need you!
Ah, I'm sick of him taking credit for
all the work and not letting me change
the act. It's old and stale! I mean,
do you really think that fart jokes
are funny for that long?
Look, if you don't come and do the show,
I'll make you eat your parents!
Yeah, whatever, kid.
He'll do it, dude.
Ah, look, Phillip. Everyone in South
Park just wants to see your serious
THE OTHER BOYS
They told us that "Phillip. He's the
one with talent. Just get him for Earth
Really? Well that sounds interesting.
How much does it pay?
Two thousand dollars.
I'm in! Here, call me at this number
with the details. Gotta run!
Dude, you didn't tell him Terrance would
I didn't see he wouldn't be there, either.
Look, all we have to do is get them
there, right? Once Terrance and Phillip
get together again, it'll be like old
Oh, Kyle, you just made a huge withdrawal
at the First Bank of Lies.
Ih-it'll be okay.
[South Park, day. The kids put finishing touches on the various
booths. The heads of the Earth Day Brainwashing Festival make
their rounds again]
Work faster! Faster, children! Earth
Day is coming! Well, boys, it's rehearsal
time, and your Terrance and Phillip
haven't shown up.
They said they'd come.
I'm sure they'll be here any minute.
Maybe you kids don't understand how
important Earth Day is for the future
of our planet. Maybe you need some convincing.
Oh my God!
Excuse me, is this where the Earth
Day crap is happening?
Oh. Very good. Mr. Phillip, I am Jack
Farliss, head of the Earth Day Committee.
Thank you for being part of this important
Whatever. Where's my check?
Alright, I'm here. Where do I-?
What's HE doing here?
Alright, let's do a rehearsal so that
the camera crew can get a look at it.
Uhhh-woo wow! Isn't this great? You
guys seeing each other again?
Ee yeah, you must have a lot of catchng
up to do. But let's rehearse first.
So, this is your dong, huh, Terrance?!
My doing?? These kids called me and
said it was your idea and that you wanted
Please, you guys. This is for Earth
Day. You care about Mother Earth, don't
Well, what the hell? I already flew
all the way out here. But I want my
check made out to me, not both of us!
See? I told you it would work.
Alright, we'll come off the speech about
the dying whales, and thennn, action!
Doctor, doctor, I've cracked my ass.
Really? Let me take a look.
Haha, hahahaha. Hahaha.
Yon fart doth smell of elderberry sweet.
Thou dost protes-
Uh. What? That's not the line, asshole!
You're right. It's a better one, asshole!
Just do the bit right, dickface!
Why don't you go eat some more pudding,
you fatass drug addict?!
I may be fat but at least I didn't get
That's it! I ain't doin' nothin' with
Kuko the Whale!
I never needed you in the first place,
You can't leave! The show starts soon!
Boys, you've got... three hours to get
those two back together. Do I need to
remind you what will happen if you don't?
Good luck, boys.
We've got to get them back together,
you guys. They could do this to us.
Tom, I'm standing in South Park, Colorado,
where Earth Day 2001 is in full force.
Environmental awareness games, boths,
and of course, the entertainment on
stage, which is being broadcast live
all over the country. This eco-happy
crowd is thrilled and waiting in anticipation
for the arrival of Terrance and Phillip,
who are promised by these four boys.
What a touching and true song. You
know, it's true. Republicans are ruining
Republicans are ruining the earth.
Alright. Well, I thnk I know why most
of you tuned in today. How about some
Earth Day entertainment?!
Hooray for the earth! We must protect
it. And now, as promised, here are
TERRANCE AND PHILLIP, on video!
They were considered the best comedy
act in all of Canada. But a fast-paced
rocket ride to success would bring themto
the depths of despair. This is Terrance
and Phillip: Behind the Blow.
What the hell do you call this?!
Eh it's "Terrance and Phillip: Behind
the Blow." I taped it last month.
We promised people Terrance and Phillip,
not a video documentary! You've ruined
the earth for the last time, boys!
Terrance was born Terrance Herny Stoot,
in the small Canadian village of Toronto.
At a very early age his parents noticed
an uncanny musical ability and decided
to enroll him in the Canadian School
for gifted babies. It was here that
he partnered up with Phillip Niles Argyle
, a brash young baby from Montreal.
Together, they performed musical acts
that stunned Canadians everywhere.
At the tender age of six, Terrance and
Phillip were off to the United States
to perform on the Ed Sullivan show .
where American audiences would be exposed
to Canadians for the first time.
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we have
two adorable little boys from Canada.
Please put your hands together for the
music of young Terrance and Phillip.
TERRANCE & PHILLIP
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham
Step to the left and clap your hands!
Gosh we love our chicken and ham
Don't let it go to waste that chicken and ham!
Oh my God, what's wrong with their heads?!
It's alright, darling, they're just
TERRANCE & PHILLIP
Beef and lamb, chicken and ham
Step to the left and clap your hands!
Gosh we love our chicken and ham
Don't let it go to waste that chicken and ham!
The Canadian act confused American audiences.
But then something happened that would
change Terrance and Phillip's act forever.
It was the birth of Canadian comedy.
Terrance and Phillip spent the next
several years perfecting their art,
and meetng some of America's most infuential
Excuse me, which way is the bus station?
Hey, you're the guy on the screen.
But it was in 1974, on the Sonny & Cher
Show, that Terrance and Phillip finally
started to mix their Canadian humor
with deep political insight.
You know, Cher, a lot of us real Americans
don't know much about Canada
Well, a lot of us real Americans aren't
as stupid and short as you, hm.
Please put your groovy hands together
for the young and talented Terrance
Say, Terrance, I'm getting worried aboot
all these Russians making missles. Maybe
we should stop this cold war.
Here's a missile for ya!
With this bold mix of humor and political
insight, the world couldn't get enough
of Terrance and Phillip. But their
fame would come at a price, when Behind
the Blow continues.
[South Park Elementary, front. The boys stop there to catch their
Okay. Okay, I think we lost them.
Jesus, man, those Earth Day people don't
Kyle, none of this would be happening
if you hadn't LIED in the first place!
You lied, and then you lied to cover
up your lie!
I didn't see you complaining at the
time, fat boy!
Guys, we have no choice. We're gonna
have to move away. Environmental activists
don't use logic or reason.
There they are!
Go! Run run run!
[South Park stage. Behind The Blow continues]
As they entered their late teens, Terrance
and Phillip were already starting to
taste the sweet milk of success. But
the price of fame was looming, as Terrance
and Phillip: Behind the Blow continues.
The '70s and '80s were a good time
for young Terrance and Phillip. Their
act on the Donny and Marie Show earned
them a Nobel Peace Prize. They were
oin the cover of every magazine. And
then in 1998, even a saturday morning
cartoon was made, based on Terrance
and Phillip. Terrance and Phillip themselves
supplied the voices.
Say Terrance, what should we do aboot
this strange planet we've crashed on?
I don't know, Phillip. It looks like
the alien species here breathe an inert
Oh oh, did you say what I thought you
As leader of the goat people, I have
seen my species nearly wiped out by
your dangerous gas.
Wow, that sucks.
The cartoon was such a huge success
that it started to breed confusion over
whether Terrance and Phillip were animated
characters or real people. And so, in
1998, the comedy team started work
on what they thought would be their
greatest achievement: A made-for-TV
movie written by and starring Terrance
and Phillip, called "Not Without My
Anus." It was their biggest project
to date. But it had the misfortune of
being scheduled on a night when a different
and more pupolar show, the John Schneider
Variety Hour , was supposed to air.
When fans tuned in to see John Schneider
and instead were treated to the Canadian
made-for-TV movie , they were enraged,
bewildered, and scared. The fans revolted
and burned down the network, killing
six television producers and wounding
twelve others. The hatred of Terrance
and Phillip had begun. Terrance fell
into a deep depression and started abusing
wod pulp Phillip beat up an angry six-year-old
fan and was sued for six million dollars.
It was the first time the duo tasted
failure , and it nearly killed them
What's going on here?
Sh. We're watching "Behind the Blow,"
[South Park. The boys run past Tom's Rhinoplasty, with the Earth
Day Committee in hot pursuit]
Come on, Kenny, hurry up!
[South Park stage. Behind The Blow continues. A shot of Mr. Garrison
After years of depression and suicide
attempts, Terrance and Phillip finally
decided to get together for one last
film: the 1999 hit, Asses of Fire.
It was one of the highest-grossing films
of the summer. And though the film
also started the Canadian-American War
of 1999 , in which eight million people
lost their lives, the film was conisdered
a great success. After almost being
executed by the Aemrican government
, Terrance and Phillip were eventually
returned to Canada , where they were
touted as heroes. They have been to
hell and back, through the very best
and the very worst of times, together,
but they had seen it through. And so
ends Terrance and Phillip, Behind the
Oh, Phillip. You're still here, too.
I was just watchng this video, I ah-.
You know, I've never seen it before.
We sssure did go through a lot together.
We sure did.
No. No, Phillip, don't say it. I was
an asshole, and this is mostly my fault.
That's what I was gonna say: You were
an asshole, and this is mostly your
fault. But, you were always the more
artistically driven of us; I ssshould've
put more into it than I did.
No, Phillip, I really thought I did
everything. Until I- tried to do it
Think of all the endangered species
that will now vanish because of you!
So long, boys!
Wait! dude, LOOK!
Thank you everyone, thank you! You know,
Phillip and I have learned an important
lesson: that when you go through a lot
with somebody, you can't let trite things
come between you.
That's right, Terrance. You should only
let trite things come between your asscheeks
Yes! Earth Day is saved, boys! Everything
worked out after all!
It sure did.
Look, Kenny, everything turned out
(Oh, well now that's sweet.)
Say Terrance, can you tell me Who farted?
He sure did, Phillip.
NO, I'm asking you his name!
And so, Terrance and Phillip got back
together, proving once and for all that
fame and fortune are never as important
Terrance & Phillip, Behind The Blow
Writers : Trey Parker
Genres : Animation Comedy